Let the eagle soarSet the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which is next Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we’re sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as she could not but be married to a very fine fellow!

While Egg is guest-hosting for an ill Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, which of the many Eggs will ooze forth? The one who calls us “you people” or the one who tells us to “stop it!” No, we are sure she will be on her most ingratiating behavior and will not act the haughty miss to whom we’ve become so accustomed. Except if that rascally Greek fellow brings up Michelle Obama. She never has shit to say nice about That One.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • And now we're reminded why Romney loves Big Bird: Tall, yellow and annoyingly stupid

    • Callyson

      But he's not about to pay for it..

      • Well, you know, why buy the cow, yadayadayada….

    • Mitt's dumping more money on this Big Bird than the government is on PBS.

    • RaflcaFlkaFlame

      Stop it, this is hard.

    • Big Bird should have known his days were numbered when his name turned up on all those ACORN registration sheets.

    • Boojum

      Egg insisted that "the other bird" be fired.

    • BeefHardcake


  • BaldarTFlagass

    Shoot, I missed it.

    • You can know six days ahead of time "you missed it"?


      • BaldarTFlagass

        Call me nostradamus.

        • Boojum
        • Negropolis

          You can call me nostradumbass.

  • Callyson

    she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow

    No, actually the yellow bird laid it, but Mittens scrambled it and had it for breakfast.

  • mbobier

    We people will be appropriately deferential to the Grand Duchess of Snottingham. Especially if she wears her $900 T-shirt.

    • GMA broadcasts on Times Square behind a plate glass window to keep the riff raff away.

      Ann should feel right at home.

      • kittensdontlie

        Something something…plate glass window + bird(-shirted Grand Duchess) = kaboom!

        • Negropolis

          With votes!

      • Negropolis

        This would be a perfect opportunity for a streaker, or for a few thousand Occupy protestors…

    • PugglesRule

      How is Marie ANNtoinette (Egg) going to handle the Insane O'Clock wakeup calls?

  • Baconzgood

    Remember a time when TV talk show hosts went on vacation and they had "talent" sit in and wouldn't make it a political commerical for 2 hours?

  • Ew! You lost me with headline "and Will Make Love Us All"

    I doubt she's 'made'* anything in her life; and what's Love or anything close to love, got to do with Clan Romney?

    *ETA: or not made anything close to art. With artifice, now, that's a strong possibility.

  • ChernobylSoup

    She's going to follow Mitt's example from last night and put out for everyone on set.

    • PsycWench

      I was thinking she'd interrupt all the other hosts/guests.

  • Unless she is going to pull a Catherine the Great with Rafalca, I don't see why it would be worth watching.

    • teebob2000

      I wish I could un-see that…

      • PugglesRule

        Here, have some Clorox for your optic nerves.

    • Negropolis


      So that's dressage with ranch.

  • Biff

    Damn, the eagle/fish shirt. the one that cost more than my entire closetful of clothing.

    • And is twice as ugly

      • mrpuma2u

        No shit, I could go into any thrift store and come out with a snappier outfit for my lady friends then that country club tripe she is wearing.

    • FakaktaSouth

      It looks just like her face. It really does, like even if I liked her, I would say, "Hon, don't wear that shirt, it shows how much you look like an ugly trout face." But as it is, I think it suits her. Thinks it's worth something and ugly as hell.

      • I so enjoy your fakakta lyricism! You could ghost-write for Truman Capote, or Tennessee Williams. Why was Brick out there jumpin' them high hurdles at midnight?!

      • Boojum

        Trout face. Perfect. Or salmon. A big sockeye salmon during spawn.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Needs moar Vapidity. (oh, wait. got enough. slow the vapidity.)

  • Abernathy


    • Yes, that cunt.

      • Abernathy

        Hey, that's an insult to cunts everywhere.

    • AnAmericanInTO

      It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face.

  • Silly Ann, she thinks her and Miffers can smirk their way into the WH.

  • Baconzgood

    So she has a temp job now?

    • mrpuma2u

      I hope they are not paying her to be a 2 hour free ad for her hubby's candidacy.

      • PsycWench

        I hope to God they aren't paying her at all. I guess they might have to pay union scale which would be ironic and hilarious.

      • Negropolis

        I think the unions mandate that guests get paid for appearances. I know that the late-night shows have to pay guests, even if it's some ridiculously small amount to satisfy the rules.

        • glasspusher

          Only a temp job, right, because Bammers isn't helping this economy enough for Egg to get a good full time permanent job or buy a company…

    • LibertyLover

      Empty nest something something…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh just no thank you. If I wanted to hang out with cunts I would go to the gynecologist more often. Just, no.

    • Negropolis

      Me-oww! You just gave her a wicked, Mean Girls honey boo-boo.

      • teebob2000

        Cunt libel!!!!1

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Good Morning America! Welcome to your hangover!

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    We people have seen all we need to see of Good Morning America, thanks though.

  • widestanceromance

    In stark contrast to her lying shapeshifter other half, she consistently comes off as a smug twat, yet I continue to not respect her for it.

  • docterry6973

    I might tune in to see Rafalca dance, but that's about it.

  • SorosBot

    This will be the first day Ann has ever worked in her life.

    • GeorgiaMike

      You don't think having to stay still while Mittens is sweating over her and using her lady parts is work? And what about the time they played convict and warden and he flipped her over? Or maybe Mittens just wanted a puppy.

      • glasspusher

        Now that you brought up her cowardly hubby, my question of such a scenario would be: which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?

  • Goonemeritus

    I can wait the year or two until she shows up on Dancing with the Stars.

    • glasspusher

      No talent relative of a political has been? Check.

  • "You — cameraman — make me look less bitchy or you're fired. Stop it — this is hard."

    • Negropolis


  • TribecaMike
  • Schmannnity

    Can't wait for the cooking segment. American cheese and mayo on Wonder Bread with some delicious Campbell's Tomato.

    • "Now, we take our index finger and we hit the following digits on the telephone: 1-2-1-2-2-4-5-2-2-1-4….OK, now we wait…."

      • Schmannnity

        Beluga and toast points please. And a NYT, if they have it.

        • I love that phrase, "toast points."

        • Kudos for researching the phone number, my friend!

    • GeorgiaBurning

      She'll bring her maid?

    • SnarkOff

      With a side of hobo beans for "you people."

    • Negropolis

      "Oh, Esparanza, sweetie…yes, here, you cook something good for Senor Greekman, bueno?" "No, sweetie, no mas dollaroes. We already paid you for the week."

  • Schmannnity

    She should host Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire.

  • So snarkless, I love opaquely derogatory nicknames as much as the next guy, but can someone tell me why the fuck we first took to calling her Egg? Is it because of that terrifying nipple-bird that is roosting on her shirt?

    I have no idea where this thing came from, but I definitely have also followed suit, devoid of any independant thought of my own, like some ungodly lemming-sheep mutant hybrid.

    • It's ok. I still dont' know where the "Starbursts!" thing came from.

      And no, count me among those who remain unclear whence came the "Egg."

      • Oh, Starbursts is pretty simple. As with many of these things, Balloon Juice offers a helpful glossery of terms. No entry for Egg, though :,-(

        • Radiotherapy

          Oh Zeus, its a Palin reference. I always thought it was like an anal wink kind of thing. Well it is if you include that insipid Palin wink.

      • poorgradstudent

        I've been curious about the origins of "also, too" also, too.

        • LibertyLover

          For "Also, too"…you can thank Sarah Palin, also, too.

          • widestanceromance

            See also, T, too.

    • UW8316154

      It's a reference to a character on "Arrested Development".

    • LibertyLover

      The EGG reference is a throwback to a character named Ann on the cable show Arrested Development.

      • ednamillion22


        • LibertyLover


          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


          • Radiotherapy


        • SorosBot

          It's as nose as the plain on Egg's face!

      • Jerri

        Fox. Not cable. Weird but true.

        ETA: And, that show being what it was/is, I'm now wondering if your comment was also an AD reference. I'm going to need to sit down with some Mayon-Eggs and sort all this out.

    • Baconzgood

      Thanks for asking the question. I didn't want to look stupid because I didn't know.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Egg was awesome, especially when she got turned on by a record burning.

    • I believe it's a reference to some literary character nicknamed Egg, which was short for good egg, which meant a good person. I thought maybe it was in The Great Gatsby, but can't remember for sure, and was maybe confused by East Egg and West Egg from that.

    • Aw, jeez, I JUST posted the Wiki entry yesterday! Please do try to keep up…

      • HistoriCat

        Forget the wiki entry – Wonkette needs its own wiki. What would you call that – Wonkepedia? Wikiette?

    • BumbleKid

      I always thought it was because she was so abundantly fertile.

      • Bob Ross would call that a "happy accident"

        He'd probably call the boys that, too.

  • Radiotherapy

    This smells fishy.

    • LibertyLover

      Don't carp.

    • UW8316154

      Oh, I'll bet she does smell "fishy"…..

  • Estproph

    Is she going to wear that fucking shirt?

  • Schmannnity

    That picture. I've never seen a carp barf.

  • LibertyLover

    Can I watch it on my Obamaphone?

    • kittensdontlie

      They are smarter than the average phone.

  • Crank_Tango


  • OneYieldRegular

    Will she be wearing a gorilla suit?

  • LibertyLover

    Why would I want to listen to a woman who raised 5 lying sons?

  • Isner_Mahut

    I served with George Wickham, I knew George Wickham, George Wickham was a friend of mine. Ann Romney, you're no George Wickham.

  • Shouldn't it be "Good Mormoning Amercia"?

    • LibertyLover

      I'd double upfist you if I could because you worked in both "Mormon" and "Amercia."

      • glasspusher

        Double word score

  • LibertyLover

    Which came first the Egg or the Carp?

  • UnholyMoses

    On her shirt you'll notice the very rare beaked trout, which you usually only find just east of the Fukushima site.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Has anybody identified that species? Looks to me like some sort of gull.

      • glasspusher

        Gull of Mexico?

        • bobbert

          Gull of Amercia, please.

  • Ruhe

    Wife of a presidential candidate gets a gig on what is ostensibly a news program…sure, why not.

    • LibertyLover

      GMA hasn't been a news program for awhile.

      • glasspusher

        Not since my girlfriend, Joan, left it, and me, long ago

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame


  • mustangsavvy

    I'll be sure to dust off my peasant curtsy and work on scurrying out of the way quickly before her High Duchess.

  • mavenmaven

    She will emulate her husband and keep talking through the guest spots and the intended breaks for advertising.

  • hagajim

    Needs moar soft-boiled Egg!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    There is just something about her that makes me want to kick her in the face. With votes. Steel toed votes.

  • coolhandnuke

    The camera does add 10 pounds of entitlement.

    • Hmm… I read that as "10 pounds of excrement." My eyes are more perceptive than my brain.

      • coolhandnuke

        Mitt was in brown face last week to address the Messicans, so maybe it was one of those Fraudian slips.

  • dennis1943

    She'll pretend it's France 1968…………….

  • iTuna

    Way to plant, Ann.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Maybe she'll let us know what her husband was hyped up on last night. Red Bull? RAM upgrade?

    • Power surge.

      This is why Mittbot doesn't want to invest in a smart grid.

      • glasspusher


  • mookwrthwilson

    Man I really have the urge to punch something in the face.

    • Mittaplasia

      That's why I carry a fountain pen at all times in case I start feeling stabby, er, I mean, "standing my ground".

  • Come here a minute

    "Have another cup of coffee you people, and thank your lucky stars you have the opportunity to vote for my husband Mitt and be awakened by me. Now let's check the helicopter traffic report."

  • Mittaplasia

    So, the wannabe FLOTUS, Newt and Calista all have the same hairdresser?

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Once upon a time the Today show had a chimp as a permanent cohost.

    • J. Fred Muggs….I miss that little scamp. Used to poop all over Bob Considine.

      Sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you don't think Ann Rom— Naaaaaaaaaah!

      • teebob2000

        We know oral's out for them folks, maybe they fall back on scat play?

      • glasspusher

        Hey! He came to my school, I think!

    • cousinitt

      Standards were higher back in the days of Murrow, Cronkite, and Muggs. Good times.

  • Good Mourning America will be making an omelet? Well, that requires breaking an Egg or six.

  • shelwood46

    Two free hours of air time for one candidate only? Fuck you, ABC.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Barack is rocking the crowd in Madison right now. Watch on cspan.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    I'm sorry, but that is fugliest shirt I've ever seen. At first I thought that eye was a nipple, and I thought what the hell is she doing wearing a shirt with a nipple on it. Mother of god whoever designed that thing should be shot on sight.

  • fartknocker

    I hope she brings some pictures of her new Cadillac taking its maiden ride in the car elevator and tells us all how hard it is out in the world and we should just suck it up and get in the ring. And her petit four recipes…

  • spareme

    Maybe she'll wear her leatherwear when she shows up to love us.

  • Mittaplasia

    Give her credit for trying to lose the "Egg" nickname by upgrading it to "caviar". Sorry, but "Egg" is just too, um, commonplace.

  • Indiepalin

    See you next Tuesday , Ann.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


    • Negropolis

      You know what other important day is on a Tuesday? Hengh?

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    OT but here's Bammerz new stump joke:

    Obama on Romney eliminating public TV funding: He'll get rid of regulations on Wall St, but he's going to crack down on Sesame St?

    • Negropolis

      Would have been nice to have heard him rattle that one off at the debate…or any zinger, for that matter.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    HAHA, I can haz invented a game!!!

    Guess which statement is Egg Romney, and which is Leona Helmsley?

    1. “We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”
    2. “We’ve given you people all you need to know.”
    3. “I don’t even consider myself wealthy.”
    4. “Terrible things can happen to people these days.”
    5. “I love the fact that there are women out there who don’t have a choice.”
    6. “Being cheap is how the rich get richer.”

    • glasspusher

      Wow. Just wow.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I propose to you that TV makes people stupid.

    Exhibit 1: Good Morning America, next Wednesday.

    Your honor, the prosecution rests.

  • stopthemovie

    For someone who is'int allowed to have oral sex she looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

    • coolhandnuke

      And swallow the trucknutz.

      • glasspusher

        With their "takes a lickin' " guarantee!

    • Boojum

      I don't get that vibe. I get a teeth scrapy in a bad way kind of vibe.

  • Alright, I'll say it. She looked like a fancy parakeet last night.

    • Negropolis

      OMG, that's exactly what she looks like, like a cartoon bird. Like the actual Tweety Bird come to life.

  • rocktonsam

    do you think Mittens has ever had egg on his face?

    • I laughed and upfisted, before I remembered I'm supposed to be peevish because I didn't watch that show.

    • TribecaMike

      Only the croque madame at Le Grand Véfour in Paris.

      • Whether he croques Madame or not is none of your business!

        • rocktonsam

          we we

  • YouBetcha

    if GMA doesn't let Michelle Obama guest host for an equal amount of time, I'm going to punch Sam Champion in the privates.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know. I kind of take him for a guy that would enjoy that.

    • glasspusher

      If Michelle guest hosts, half the guys on Wonkette are going to be doing something else with their privates…

  • Pithaughn

    Just to remind the young uns, CBS is owned by National Amusements, used to be Viacom.
    Part of the billionaire Sumner Redstone empire. So do you suppose old Summner and his kids would appreciate a 20% cut in what little tax they pay or not? Quick, how many times has FLOTUS been on this show?
    At least she is not on the GE show, Today. GE is the leading producer of fighter jet engines.

    • coolhandnuke

      I believe GMA airs on ABC which is owned by Disney. But fuck them too also.

      • Pithaughn

        Ah, my mistake, there is a CBS logo in the picture, so I assumed CBS. And yes Disney is fairly bad too also. They tried to fire my sister after 30 years of service after a double masectomy, I wonder why?

  • docterry6973

    Actually, she could seduce me if she were so inclined. I doubt that she is, though.

    • glasspusher

      It's not pretty being easy

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Her beauty is only skin deep. Thus a mere zipper drop from full lizard.

  • coolhandnuke

    One of the great things about living in Oregon is we have our own time zone–DST Dontgiveafuck Savings Time and fortunately for us GMA doesn't air until the Spring we when go back to PST–Pothead Standard Time.

  • Oh for God's sake.

  • Will none among you hit it?! You disappoint me, Wonkers and Sapphic Wonkettes!

    • Not even with yours.

    • emmelemm

      I was just thinking of commenting: Look, she's really not a bad looking lady. It's just her attitude that's a turn-off.

    • rocktonsam

      well, she is really rich…

      • Negropolis

        "I ain't sayin she's a gold digger, but…."

  • LibrarianX

    I would rather watch banana slugs fuck.

    • MosesInvests

      If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me….

  • owhatever

    I wouldn't miss the Egg-in-the-morning show for all the world. I'd miss it for a lot less. Like nothing.

  • rickmaci

    I would rather pour bleach in my eyes and eat Drano for breakfast.

    • rocktonsam

      I would rather listen to $arah Palin's voice

    • glasspusher

      You're going to make me say it-

      "Sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you feeling hollow inside"

  • CindynEncinitas

    Is she more simpering or cloying? I can never decide…

  • "Good Morning, Westeros! My butcher will instruct you in preparing a boar for my breakfast."

  • decentcitizen

    Wednesday Oct. 10th – the day when Romney saw his post debate bump implode.

  • That top is proof Ann Romney doesn't have any gay friends

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Or, she does and they detest her in that "oh gurl, wear this, it screams I have more money than taste" way.

  • The fish-shirt is Sue's desperate message to Prince Namor that she is finally ready to leave Mr. Fantastic.

    • glasspusher

      Nice! Ann Romney, the Sub-TMAer!

  • cognachas4paws

    I hope she doesn't wear that…thing she's wearing in the picture. It scares me.

  • ttommyunger

    This vapid, pretentious uber-cunt is not helping. I know she thinks she is, but she is not.

    • This is why I'm happy she's exposing herself.

      • ttommyunger

        To know her is to loathe her, I suppose….

  • ibwilliamsi

    Needs more plastic surgery.

  • Negropolis

    I'll tell you what she's going to do. She's going to go over-the-top in praising (deservedly) Robin Roberts, find some way to work her MS and breat cancer story in, and have a girlfriend moment, and the rubes will melt and it will have been mission accomplished…except that he husband is still very much set up to lose the presidency.

    I hope they are enjoying beating incredibly low expectations. lol

  • mosjef

    Is that shirt scratch 'n sniff?

  • Negropolis

    Poor, little rich girl…

    They've never been outside their bubble long enough to know that not everyone sees their wealth as some kind of mark of moral superiority, and not only that but that they would be ridiculed for being so fucking out of touch.

    It's like a baptism by fire. A post-mortem, Mormon baptism…with fire.

    Why, bless her heart.

  • Veritas78

    Will they also have a segment with Michelle out in the fields, hoeing the crops, with a fashionably coordinating bandana?

  • Swampgas_Man

    The only public good this woman's done is give Kate McKinnon something to do on SNL.

    • AlterNewt

      That IS a good thing.

    • Negropolis

      I so badly want to like Kate, but you seems so one-dimensional (i.e. generic crazy-eyed woman). The other new female castmember whose name doesn't come to me at the moment is sharp. I liked her during last Thursday's Weekend Update.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Was she "That girl at the party you wish you hadn't spoken to"? I paraphase.

        • Negropolis

          Yep. I think her name is Samantha Strong, I'm pretty sure about the surname.

  • LionHeartSoyDog


    Is there Rheum enough for Mee?

  • mmeetoilenoir

    Quite the masterful "Pride and Prejudice" quote usage, ma'am. I think Wickham has more class than these asses, though.

  • freddymcmurray

    why do the gop "babes" always have this underbite that makes them look like they're sneering and flaring their nostrils, when they're just trying to fake smile? palin has the same thing going on.

  • DahBoner

    I want some nice Mormon cookies, laced with Mormon Heroin, i.e. White Sugar

  • Jus_Wonderin


  • L. Jonte

    Ann Romney is really Mr. Wickham? I KNEW IT!

  • Lynne

    If I saw a dog do that lip lift thing she calls a smile, I would watch out for a bite.

  • alteredimages

    Ah the good old days.

    Also, upfisted for your icon. Huge, huge fan of the Enz. I have a tattoo of the yellow-background version of that album cover.

  • editor

    This makes me miss Cindy McCain. (Mrs.)
    She had class.

  • balsack

    Her right nipple is way high.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Ann Romney is a boring old biddy!

Previous articleFlorida Politicians Sure Do Love Paying For Sex
Next articleUniversity Of Wisconsin Profs: This Campus Is No Place For Speech