the egg and i

Ann Romney To Simper And Smirk And Make Love To Us All As Guest Host Of Good Morning America

Let the eagle soarSet the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which is next Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we’re sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as she could not but be married to a very fine fellow!

While Egg is guest-hosting for an ill Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, which of the many Eggs will ooze forth? The one who calls us “you people” or the one who tells us to “stop it!” No, we are sure she will be on her most ingratiating behavior and will not act the haughty miss to whom we’ve become so accustomed. Except if that rascally Greek fellow brings up Michelle Obama. She never has shit to say nice about That One.


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  1. Callyson

    she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow

    No, actually the yellow bird laid it, but Mittens scrambled it and had it for breakfast.

  2. mbobier

    We people will be appropriately deferential to the Grand Duchess of Snottingham. Especially if she wears her $900 T-shirt.

  3. Baconzgood

    Remember a time when TV talk show hosts went on vacation and they had "talent" sit in and wouldn't make it a political commerical for 2 hours?

  4. Mumbletypeg

    Ew! You lost me with headline "and Will Make Love Us All"

    I doubt she's 'made'* anything in her life; and what's Love or anything close to love, got to do with Clan Romney?

    *ETA: or not made anything close to art. With artifice, now, that's a strong possibility.

      1. mrpuma2u

        No shit, I could go into any thrift store and come out with a snappier outfit for my lady friends then that country club tripe she is wearing.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      It looks just like her face. It really does, like even if I liked her, I would say, "Hon, don't wear that shirt, it shows how much you look like an ugly trout face." But as it is, I think it suits her. Thinks it's worth something and ugly as hell.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        I so enjoy your fakakta lyricism! You could ghost-write for Truman Capote, or Tennessee Williams. Why was Brick out there jumpin' them high hurdles at midnight?!

      1. PsycWench

        I hope to God they aren't paying her at all. I guess they might have to pay union scale which would be ironic and hilarious.

      2. Negropolis

        I think the unions mandate that guests get paid for appearances. I know that the late-night shows have to pay guests, even if it's some ridiculously small amount to satisfy the rules.

        1. glasspusher

          Only a temp job, right, because Bammers isn't helping this economy enough for Egg to get a good full time permanent job or buy a company…

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Oh just no thank you. If I wanted to hang out with cunts I would go to the gynecologist more often. Just, no.

  6. widestanceromance

    In stark contrast to her lying shapeshifter other half, she consistently comes off as a smug twat, yet I continue to not respect her for it.

    1. GeorgiaMike

      You don't think having to stay still while Mittens is sweating over her and using her lady parts is work? And what about the time they played convict and warden and he flipped her over? Or maybe Mittens just wanted a puppy.

      1. glasspusher

        Now that you brought up her cowardly hubby, my question of such a scenario would be: which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?

  7. Schmannnity

    Can't wait for the cooking segment. American cheese and mayo on Wonder Bread with some delicious Campbell's Tomato.

    1. Negropolis

      "Oh, Esparanza, sweetie…yes, here, you cook something good for Senor Greekman, bueno?" "No, sweetie, no mas dollaroes. We already paid you for the week."

  8. Incitefully_Joe

    So snarkless, I love opaquely derogatory nicknames as much as the next guy, but can someone tell me why the fuck we first took to calling her Egg? Is it because of that terrifying nipple-bird that is roosting on her shirt?

    I have no idea where this thing came from, but I definitely have also followed suit, devoid of any independant thought of my own, like some ungodly lemming-sheep mutant hybrid.

        1. Radiotherapy

          Oh Zeus, its a Palin reference. I always thought it was like an anal wink kind of thing. Well it is if you include that insipid Palin wink.

    1. LibertyLover

      The EGG reference is a throwback to a character named Ann on the cable show Arrested Development.

      1. Jerri

        Fox. Not cable. Weird but true.

        ETA: And, that show being what it was/is, I'm now wondering if your comment was also an AD reference. I'm going to need to sit down with some Mayon-Eggs and sort all this out.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      I believe it's a reference to some literary character nicknamed Egg, which was short for good egg, which meant a good person. I thought maybe it was in The Great Gatsby, but can't remember for sure, and was maybe confused by East Egg and West Egg from that.

      1. HistoriCat

        Forget the wiki entry – Wonkette needs its own wiki. What would you call that – Wonkepedia? Wikiette?

  9. Isner_Mahut

    I served with George Wickham, I knew George Wickham, George Wickham was a friend of mine. Ann Romney, you're no George Wickham.

  10. UnholyMoses

    On her shirt you'll notice the very rare beaked trout, which you usually only find just east of the Fukushima site.

  11. Ruhe

    Wife of a presidential candidate gets a gig on what is ostensibly a news program…sure, why not.

  12. mustangsavvy

    I'll be sure to dust off my peasant curtsy and work on scurrying out of the way quickly before her High Duchess.

  13. mavenmaven

    She will emulate her husband and keep talking through the guest spots and the intended breaks for advertising.

  14. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    There is just something about her that makes me want to kick her in the face. With votes. Steel toed votes.

      1. coolhandnuke

        Mitt was in brown face last week to address the Messicans, so maybe it was one of those Fraudian slips.

  15. BlueStateLibel

    Maybe she'll let us know what her husband was hyped up on last night. Red Bull? RAM upgrade?

    1. Mittaplasia

      That's why I carry a fountain pen at all times in case I start feeling stabby, er, I mean, "standing my ground".

  16. Come here a minute

    "Have another cup of coffee you people, and thank your lucky stars you have the opportunity to vote for my husband Mitt and be awakened by me. Now let's check the helicopter traffic report."

    1. actor212

      J. Fred Muggs….I miss that little scamp. Used to poop all over Bob Considine.

      Sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you don't think Ann Rom— Naaaaaaaaaah!

  17. Mort_Sinclair

    I'm sorry, but that is fugliest shirt I've ever seen. At first I thought that eye was a nipple, and I thought what the hell is she doing wearing a shirt with a nipple on it. Mother of god whoever designed that thing should be shot on sight.

  18. fartknocker

    I hope she brings some pictures of her new Cadillac taking its maiden ride in the car elevator and tells us all how hard it is out in the world and we should just suck it up and get in the ring. And her petit four recipes…

  19. Mittaplasia

    Give her credit for trying to lose the "Egg" nickname by upgrading it to "caviar". Sorry, but "Egg" is just too, um, commonplace.

  20. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    OT but here's Bammerz new stump joke:

    Obama on Romney eliminating public TV funding: He'll get rid of regulations on Wall St, but he's going to crack down on Sesame St?

    1. Negropolis

      Would have been nice to have heard him rattle that one off at the debate…or any zinger, for that matter.

  21. Tequila Mockingbird

    HAHA, I can haz invented a game!!!

    Guess which statement is Egg Romney, and which is Leona Helmsley?

    1. “We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”
    2. “We’ve given you people all you need to know.”
    3. “I don’t even consider myself wealthy.”
    4. “Terrible things can happen to people these days.”
    5. “I love the fact that there are women out there who don’t have a choice.”
    6. “Being cheap is how the rich get richer.”

  22. MonkeyMotion

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I propose to you that TV makes people stupid.

    Exhibit 1: Good Morning America, next Wednesday.

    Your honor, the prosecution rests.

  23. stopthemovie

    For someone who is'int allowed to have oral sex she looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

    1. Negropolis

      OMG, that's exactly what she looks like, like a cartoon bird. Like the actual Tweety Bird come to life.

  24. YouBetcha

    if GMA doesn't let Michelle Obama guest host for an equal amount of time, I'm going to punch Sam Champion in the privates.

    1. glasspusher

      If Michelle guest hosts, half the guys on Wonkette are going to be doing something else with their privates…

  25. Pithaughn

    Just to remind the young uns, CBS is owned by National Amusements, used to be Viacom.
    Part of the billionaire Sumner Redstone empire. So do you suppose old Summner and his kids would appreciate a 20% cut in what little tax they pay or not? Quick, how many times has FLOTUS been on this show?
    At least she is not on the GE show, Today. GE is the leading producer of fighter jet engines.

      1. Pithaughn

        Ah, my mistake, there is a CBS logo in the picture, so I assumed CBS. And yes Disney is fairly bad too also. They tried to fire my sister after 30 years of service after a double masectomy, I wonder why?

  26. coolhandnuke

    One of the great things about living in Oregon is we have our own time zone–DST Dontgiveafuck Savings Time and fortunately for us GMA doesn't air until the Spring we when go back to PST–Pothead Standard Time.

    1. emmelemm

      I was just thinking of commenting: Look, she's really not a bad looking lady. It's just her attitude that's a turn-off.

  27. owhatever

    I wouldn't miss the Egg-in-the-morning show for all the world. I'd miss it for a lot less. Like nothing.

    1. glasspusher

      You're going to make me say it-

      "Sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you feeling hollow inside"

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Or, she does and they detest her in that "oh gurl, wear this, it screams I have more money than taste" way.

  28. ttommyunger

    This vapid, pretentious uber-cunt is not helping. I know she thinks she is, but she is not.

  29. Negropolis

    I'll tell you what she's going to do. She's going to go over-the-top in praising (deservedly) Robin Roberts, find some way to work her MS and breat cancer story in, and have a girlfriend moment, and the rubes will melt and it will have been mission accomplished…except that he husband is still very much set up to lose the presidency.

    I hope they are enjoying beating incredibly low expectations. lol

  30. Negropolis

    Poor, little rich girl…

    They've never been outside their bubble long enough to know that not everyone sees their wealth as some kind of mark of moral superiority, and not only that but that they would be ridiculed for being so fucking out of touch.

    It's like a baptism by fire. A post-mortem, Mormon baptism…with fire.

    Why, bless her heart.

  31. Veritas78

    Will they also have a segment with Michelle out in the fields, hoeing the crops, with a fashionably coordinating bandana?

    1. Negropolis

      I so badly want to like Kate, but you seems so one-dimensional (i.e. generic crazy-eyed woman). The other new female castmember whose name doesn't come to me at the moment is sharp. I liked her during last Thursday's Weekend Update.

  32. mmeetoilenoir

    Quite the masterful "Pride and Prejudice" quote usage, ma'am. I think Wickham has more class than these asses, though.

  33. freddymcmurray

    why do the gop "babes" always have this underbite that makes them look like they're sneering and flaring their nostrils, when they're just trying to fake smile? palin has the same thing going on.

  34. alteredimages

    Ah the good old days.

    Also, upfisted for your icon. Huge, huge fan of the Enz. I have a tattoo of the yellow-background version of that album cover.

  35. FlownOver

    Most appropriate. Not unlike current campaign coverage, the video director gave us a close-up on one guitarist (Denny Dias) while the other (Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, if you must know) was playing the solos.

  36. Radiotherapy

    Mystery solved. And thanks for asking Joe because I had no idea either. I've never seen a minute of the show.

  37. actor212

    Y'know, it's hard to remember a time when BIll Cosby was actually cool, and not a raging old fart.

    I actually had…still do, I think…his early comedy albums. The man was a genius.

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