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Sad politicians did not get the fairy taleHow many elected officials in the state of Florida have to be discovered on a list of clients at a brothel before Your Wonkette deigns to write about it? One? Two? Three? Oh, no, wait, we guess it’s only two. So, noted central Florida pimp Mark David Risner, what sort of politicians did you lure to the “sex room” in your house, for paid sex? A state representative and “rising GOP star,” plus a comically titled “vice mayor”? And they paid you $200 an hour, which last we checked the exchange rate was about two and a half whore diamonds? Nice work!

Definitely the more comical of the two shamed politicians is Mike Horner, who’s been a member of the state legislature for two terms but abruptly quit his re-election campaign when his whoring ways were revealed. He’s funniest because the “Mike” listed on Risner’s pimp-list had his profession noted as “Congressman,” which, ha ha, it’s great to be aspirational and visualize your goals à la The Secret and all, but maybe this isn’t the appropriate venue? Anyway, authorities were able to determine that Congressman Mike was Mike Horner because there was also a phone number on this list, and when they called it they reached Mike Horner’s re-election campaign, which is probably an illegal use of campaign resources, in addition to the other kinds of illegal that it is.

Mike Horner has a wife and young son, ugh, and he has resigned in disgrace.

Meanwhile, Phil Bonus, who is the “Vice” Mayor of Maitland (which is funny because “vice” means “assistant” but also “sex crimes”), was also on the list, but he says that his wife and children already forgave him, like, years ago, and so he’s not going to quit. Other indications that Bonus is a real prize are a pending DUI charge plus a crusade to cut off city funding to the local arts center. Maybe the arts center will let people fuck it for money! That sounds like a market-based solution.

Anyway, nobody is planning on attempting to prosecute these gentlemen and their wives are still married to them, which is gross. FUN THOUGHT EXPERIMENT: If two elected officials were caught selling sex — which, like buying sex, is a crime — do you think they would be prosecuted, for crimes?

This pimp’s sexy list also includes another unidentified “Congressman” from the “West coast of Florida,” so feel free to speculate wildly about that. [Orlando Sentinel/Orlando Sentinel]

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