AND ZINGERS AND SUCH  2:11 pm October 4, 2012

Dry Your Eyes, Wonkers, Here Is Your Precious Fightin’ President

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Now you can put down the razor blade, take the hose out of the gas pipe, un-noose yourself … and, er, all the other ghastly ways the Virgin Suicides suicided themselves. We’re sorry B. Barry Bamz was a little boring last night, but for sweet Jesus’s sake, he wasn’t that bad. You are all acting like a Dem parody with your defeat-snatching and your waaah. Now buck the fuck up, you tedious shitstains, and get a little love in your heart.

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Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Maman October 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

bah. I just gave him a mean tweet back about him standing up for Big Bird. This is how low I have gotten. BAH.

OzoneTom October 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Romney needs moar rope!

actor212 October 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm


no_gravity October 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Somewhere, in Denver, there's a pod with the real Miffed inside.

Pres.Beeblebrox October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

In the same pod is pearl-black-eyed Alien Jim Lehrer, hibernating until his next appearance in 2016.

Lucidamente1 October 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

The love's never waned, but where was this guy last night?

DemmeFatale October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Getting all the lazy-assed, unmotivated, apathetic voters to GET BUSY!!!

(In other words, not us.)

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

2 more debates and a month of campaigning. Hold tight!

actor212 October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

He didn't have to show up.

Look, if you could go to your job and think about how much you're going to bang your wife hard, as opposed to actually doing work, you'd be all "hands over your zipper" too and not paying attention.

He didn't have to be there, so he wasn't. No biggie

JudasPeckerwood October 4, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The real Mittens and Barry both blew off the debate and got plastered together.

JaceWyatt October 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Hell, all the lies Mitt was spewing last night I think everyone got a little dizzy.

Also, too, Syria and Turkey aren't too happy these days.

MosesInvests October 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Yeah, if I had to worry about Turkey invoking the NATO Charter to pull the US into a war with Syria, which could then get the Russians involved, I might be a little off my game in a debate, too. Also.

kittensdontlie October 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

And the world will be a better place…
If you want the world to know, Barry won't let hatred grow…
Get a little love in your heart.

Isyaignert October 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Some say the high altitude got to Obama and the moderator. I've been to Colorado and it you're not used to it, you are wiped out by 6PM.

anniegetyerfun October 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I love it when Trix talks mean to us.

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I never had much use for safewords.

anniegetyerfun October 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

With Ken, it was always, like, “Here's a fired up speech that doesn't matter since the world is going to end next week anyway. Enjoy.”

Baconzgood October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I've been a naughty baconz and need a spankin'.

MissTaken October 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Time for Spankin' the Bacon!

LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Sounds pretty greasy.

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Make sure to leave it crispy.

Steverino247 October 4, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Keep it greasy so it goes down easy…

bikerlaureate October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Tough love.

DemmeFatale October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

It's almost like she's channeling Sara Benincasa, isn't it?

actor212 October 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Yea, but I do it to her, and I'm "so mean! OMG!"


BigSkullF*ckingDog October 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I like it, but I also pee on the floor a little.

WABishop October 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Thank you, ma'am, may I have another?

Please don't give up on me.

Radiotherapy October 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Trix are for kids!.

Chow Yun Flat October 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Dead sold perfect, Mr. President.

coolhandnuke October 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Can you clean tedious shitstains out of magic underwear?

finallyhappy October 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Tedious shitstains is going to be the name for my band- made up of my fellow and sister seniors.

Jukesgrrl October 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Do you perform this fine number?

coolhandnuke October 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

May your new band open up for the Butthole Surfers someday soon.

DerrickWildcat October 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Lol, I think the marijuana wore off.

SayItWithWookies October 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Like many a Thursday morning, all I remember from last night is the lies and that queasy feeling. Better now.

Grief_Lessons October 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

We need Benincasa to come back and tell us how revolting we are.

Mumbletypeg October 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Wonkette, featuring Ms. Benincasa: Come for the berating; stay for the fapping

RuinedLiver October 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Obama's playing possum.

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm


DemmeFatale October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Well said!

Barbara_ October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Thanks for the warm fuzzy, Trix.

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Who is this guy and what has he done with Obama?

prommie October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I wanna join this guy so he don't have to do it alone:

Knightro829 October 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"Buck the fuck up you tedious shitstains" may be the greatest phrase ever conceived. I salute your rhetorical genius, madam.

prommie October 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm


Not_So_Much October 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm


weejee October 4, 2012 at 2:55 pm

For the part running through the coils.

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I think what happened was Michelle cheered him up all night long.

WABishop October 4, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Or, maybe she didn't.

FakaktaSouth October 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

This is all I could ask, PresO, talk to him like this TO HIS STUPID COLOR CHANGING FACE. Do it. You'll like it. I know I will.

Hammiepants October 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I KNOW!!! Everybody's acting like he pissed his pants up there! So Mitten's human chip was activated, big deal, he's still a smarmy prevaricating asswipe. Also, "undecided voters"? SACK THE FUCK UP. What the hell are you waiting for? Trial by fire? One of them to rescue a virgin from a dragon? WHAT? Put on your freaking DECIDIN' pants.

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

My family and I have come to the conclusion that undecideds are really just people who have been yearning to be on TV, and well, they got it!

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I think that human chip wasn't properly calibrated. His closing remark sounded like a recording.

YouBetcha October 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Stop trying to NOT be the angry black man that teabaggers say you are, Barry. Less civilized and thoughtful remarks, more swagger.

Serfville October 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Thank you, I just had an epiphany. Maybe it's that tape they are playing 24/7 on Faux News of Prez in 2007.

MissNancyPriss October 4, 2012 at 10:33 pm

It must be freaking hard, though. Don't be TOO angry/don't be a pussy. Be witheringly smart/don't be condescending. Get all your facts across/don't be a dick. Christ on a cross, it sucks being the first black president.

Negropolis October 5, 2012 at 12:40 am

Christ on a cross, it sucks being the first black president.

Only if you let it, and he's let it far too often. He wasn't elected to be Black Dude in Chief, he was elected Commander-in-Chief, and he should act like it more often, and that means not giving a fuck how you come across to every sensitive nook-and-cranny of the country so long as you're getting the goddamn job done.

I'm tired of the "Being the first black president is hard, y'all!" excuse. He's not Jackie Robinson. This isn't a game. He's not hitting a ball with a stick, he's fuckin' POTUS, for goodness sake. Act like it.

Sorry. I'm just really peeved at the excuses made for fucking up all the damned time.

Indiepalin October 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Jim Lehrer? I thought the moderator was supposed to be Jim Lampley!!

mannacler October 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Lamps would not have been walked all over by Mittens.

Indiepalin October 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Where's the three-knockdown rule when you need it?

SorosBot October 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Was everyone else watching the same debate I was? Because I just saw Romney acting like a total dick, and yet everyone else seems to think he won the debate even though to me he came off horribly.

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I asked my daughter who is in college and has never really been very interested in politics what she thought and she said she thought Romney was rude to the moderator and jumpy. So, you know, she's probably close to the reaction of a lot of people who don't follow these things as closely as us pathetic tedious shitstains.

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Romney looked like he drank a Big Gulp and then forgot to take a leak before he went on stage.

MissTaken October 4, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Apparently being a complete dick = win.

anniegetyerfun October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Remember how The Right creamed themselves when Newt was a fucking dick to the moderators in a couple of debates during the Repub primaries? Being a fucking dick = wins debate in American politics.

SorosBot October 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm

According to the idiots in charge of our mainstream media at least; of course these are the same people that claimed W was likeable when he always came across as a fratboy douche and bully that most people would hate in real life.

Our media just loves dicks.

La_Cieca October 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Well, if you look at how the mainstream media behave in public (i.e., yelling, yelling, yelling) then you will see why they so warmed to Romney's appearance last night. Basically, he was acting like Chris Matthews. What could be more impressive than that?

cousinitt October 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

A chihuahua on meth?

delaney_blom October 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

That's because they're a bunch of pussies. And there are three kinds of people in the world . . .

CommieDad October 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

True story: Friend of mine was in DC and went to visit the white house. As he happened to be with a friend who used to work for Dubya, he got invited up to see him. He ended up "hanging out" with him for a few hours. Bush came off, well, how you would expect. The whole time my friend was thinking, "doesn't this guy have something better to do then hang out with us?" He said trying to keep a straight face was one of the hardest things he's ever had to do.

MissNancyPriss October 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm

F-cking hell. I love this story and hate it at the same time.

di_da_is_alpha October 5, 2012 at 1:06 am

Something better to do? Like go on The View while our embassies burn?

FakaktaSouth October 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I'm with you. I didn't think Mitt was any good at all, he couldn't even say their stupid phrases right and he didn't say stuff that he'd been saying before. He said he liked Dodd Frank, it just wasn't implemented? And his crew LIKES this? They really have no idea WHAT he is saying when he speaks words, they like smirks.

BoroPrimorac October 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

His crew wouldn't care if he pissed on a bible as long as he is loud and mean to the negro in chief.

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I think the two of us were watching the same debate. The only thing I took out of Mitt's performance is that even after 7 years of practicing, he gets agitated easily and is extremely smug.

cousinitt October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Same here, a really pathetic performance. Dude's face got red and that mouth spittle–looked more like Frankenmitt.

FakaktaSouth October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I kept yelling about his cottonmouth too, it was icking me out. You could see his lips getting all stuck to his teeth and I mean hell, even Miss SouthCarolina knows to put vaseline on your teeth a'fore ya goes on stage dumbass.

Hammiepants October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I thought the same thing. He was just a smirking lying douchebag, so SSDD. Move along, nothing to see here.

UnholyMoses October 4, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I think most of the media people — and even many on the left, for that matter — were expecting Mitt to just stumble and bumble and be the clueless, callous dipshit he has shown himself to be the past few months. From Europe, to special events with rich folks, to the campaign trail, he's been a massively ignorant buffoon.

So Mittens comes out and starts to cite studies and disavows all the crazy shit he's been saying, while Obama looks like he'd rather be passing a kidney stone.

Plus: Dems can't fight back. When they do, they're being meanie head partisans. When the GOP does it, they're just being tough and standing on principle. Add in "ANGRY BLACK MAN!" syndrome that people get when Obama talks tough, and the guy was kinda screwed, no matter what.

Thankfully, Romney lied so damn much even his own people are walking back shit he said. So not sure this will have the impact most think.

Or, non tl;dr: Mittens not sacrificing a Poorz on stage while cooking up grannie on a rotisserie = WIN!!

SorosBot October 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

But he did even worse; he sacrificed Big Bird on stage!

UnholyMoses October 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Yeah, I'm not sure what to think 'bout that.

It was stupid to go after something so damn beloved in this country. Last time they tried it, it backfired in ways no one imagined. You just don't fuck with Big Bird!!

But it's stupid our country will get riled up about that, but not 9% unemployment or massive income inequality or the destruction of this wet rock we call home or failing schools or a million people who went bankrupt each year because they got sick or roads falling apart and bridges collapsing or the loss of good-paying jobs we used to have for those w/out college degrees or …

Well, you get the idea.

Only time will tell, I guess …

cousinitt October 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Mitt's the kind of stuck-up twit who would push a live turkey out of a helicopter to the poors below to prove how much he CARED about the folks who are just, you know, really seriously HURTING.

SorosBot October 4, 2012 at 3:43 pm

As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!

PugglesRule October 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Or else he'd do it to one-up Les Nesmann.

OneYieldRegular October 4, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I thought Mitt looked positively Bachmanneyezed, like he'd consumed belladonna backstage.

Geminisunmars October 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I think the basic talking heads complaint was that Bamz didn't refute Rmoney when he spoke the shit he did. I think the problem was that the Prez did his practicing with John Kerry standing in for RM, the reasoning being that Kerry is from Mass and is rich, so of course he'd be just like RM. Couldn't they find a shapeshifting douchebag for Bamz to practice with?

fuflans October 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

i must confess that was my complaint too. i wanted him to call romney a liar – and not by saying sasha and malia are often liars.

which they probably aren't.

Geminisunmars October 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I found it bizarre that he essentially called all his sons liars. I hope they havea talk with the old man.

PubOption October 4, 2012 at 3:34 pm

They knock on doors, and claim they have the path to salvation. Eventually they will get someone to believe them.

Isyaignert October 4, 2012 at 7:34 pm

He also called them "boys" yet the youngest is 34 years old. By comparing Obama to his "boys" he ended up calling Obama a lying boy (a racist term) to placate the haters which are the majority of Rmoney's base.

djneedlz October 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

They need him to debate Rahm, in order to summon… THE ROCK OBAMA

PugglesRule October 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

It's kind of impossible refute someone who has Gish Galloped as fast as Mittens did Wednesday night.

Geminisunmars October 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Thank you Puggles, that was very informative. That explains a lot, including many of the comments. As pointed out in one of them, it is a bullying technique. I hope there is an effective counter to it. Although who knows what technique Rmoney will use next time.

Mojopo October 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I honestly thought Mitt looked wasted. I don't know what he took, but he took something. His eyes were glassy and weird, he was sweaty-ish, jumpy, and he had cottonmouth. Ephedra? I'd give your left nut to have someone ask Mitt at some meet-and-greet if he was on something for the debate. I'd love to see his micro-expression.

djneedlz October 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

had his Mormon Tea buzz on.

ChuckieJesus October 4, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Ahhhh good ol white crosses. If his pee smells like cat piss afterwards, that's a sure sign.

1990s, you taught me so much.

Fox n Fiends October 4, 2012 at 3:23 pm

That's what I saw. Romney was a coked-out Florida real-estate salesman.

PhilippePetain October 4, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Yeah, basically the punditry have declared it a win for Romney, so everyone's like "Well, I guess I'm supposed to say it was a win for Romney" and they are. I mean am I the only idiot on the planet that actually wants to see a president capable of giving two minute wonkish answers on policy, who has the patience to think before turning on a smirk and going for the kill?

It seems like the reviews that are in today are from a different planet. Granted I was a tad on the shitty side of a twelve pack last night, but I can't imagine that anyone sees Mitt's death rictus smile and says "Well that's a winner there, by God…"

docterry6973 October 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I blame Layne.

ForemostFelon October 4, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Christ. Finally someone with common sense, calm, reluctance to go for easy hyperbole in hysterics and it's…….you? I'll take it. Good on ya, kid. If I could write as well, that's what I'd say.

Obama was merely boring and sounded exhausted. Romney – like all wannabe bullies – misconstrued civil discourse as weakness and shot down his own tax plan and lied about the previous condition clause again. So bad, his own campaign had to correct that to the media immediately after: under Romney, the states, somehow, will take care of that. So: Romney's federal plan will not. Lie or incompetence?

This whole campaign is a temper tantrum of the Third Rate White Man (I'm Fifth rate…) who have lost all status and network connections they've had for so long. Women are better educated and valuable and over half the work force; former 'ethnics' and minorities are often better workers, motivated, and educated. And then there's this black guy in the White House in the media rubbing their face in their own crapulence just by being there.

Their mental world and mythology are shot. They think it would be better – or they'd feel better – if another white guy – even one so entirely against the interest of the Middle Class because he cannot define it – was back in the West Wing. They don't, literally, understand they have far more in common with Obama than with Romney.

That's why racism sucks.

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I think you are onto something.

Caelan Aegana October 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

"Obama was merely boring and sounded exhausted"

This is what I kept thinking over and over when Obama let Romney's lies/misconstructions/flip-flopping go unchallenged. The guy just looked overtrained. I've seen Obama make snappy, funny and stingingly accurate comebacks, but he just utterly failed at this during the debate. Either he wasn't really listening to Romney – unlikely – or he'd been overpracticing his own vetted responses and was too afraid to veer away. Debates are supposed to be off-the-cuff, and this whole painful episode felt scripted on Obama's side and overinflated on Romney's.

Redgyal October 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Yes, that

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I knew the white guy wasn't Mitt Romney but who the hell was the black guy on the stage with him?

mrpuma2u October 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Dunno but I still remember how much it sucked, kicking the bad hopium addiction I got last time from hanging with Barry O in '08. Not sure if I wanna pick that pipe up again.

SexySmurf October 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Land of the Free my ass.

CommieLibunatic October 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It inevitably ends in a tragic "Hey! Check this out!" moment, I'd say. Tragic for the manatee, that is; the fuckheads who bother them are free to take a long shopping cart ride off a short pier.

Remember, this is a nation where, after the Financial Crisis, one of the first new rules written was for banks to make absolutely sure that borrowers could pay their loans back. Correct me if I'm wrong, but we learned that in kindergarten.

Blueb4sinrise October 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Contemplates ironically posting stream of obscenities hurled at our editrix.

barto October 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Fortunately, the wingnuts are still reeling from Romney's victory.

chascates October 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Romney better wear his best magic underwear to the next debate because Barry is going to be like a chainsaw. I hope!

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Again, everyone get off your keisters! Go canvass, go vote. I'm glad some republicans at least got to smile for one night (and one night only), as they were all on the verge of suicide for the last few months.

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You are nice and sensible.

emmelemm October 4, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You just don't want to get sent to the glue factory.

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm


Stevola October 5, 2012 at 1:49 am

I'm not glad about that at all.

Mumbletypeg October 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm


The new buzzword of the election/ debate season has never had me jonesing for a Dolley Madison® snack cake this much in my entire life. I am transformed again into a twelve year old, peeling off the thick, solid icing layer of a chocolate ZINGER™ and downing that before even getting to the cakey part.

Don't even insinuate to me the real reason I'm craving chocolate, now: I cannot even watch the video from work so there.

kittensdontlie October 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh that devil's food temptress, the black Zinger…

When your cravings do finally meet with reality,and that cakey-like food reaches your not-twelve year old palate, it's sweet nothingness will leave you zingless and that alone should cure your addiction. I know, I have been down that road before.

qwerty42 October 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Well, the Mittster did have an advantage of lying while our Barry only had, you know, facts and figures. Sullivan He did miss some softballs that Mitt could not have really answered, but I don't think he goes for that style.

Joshua Norton October 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Mitt Romney says Romneycare is great, Obamacare sucks. Yeah, and I love Mark Twain, but can't stand Samuel Clemens.

bikerlaureate October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Well, only one of 'em is tailored to the needs of a particular state…?

Which was his Tenth Amendment name, again? I always forget.

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

BTW, is Mitt Romney V2.0 or V3.0 the one on the ballot?

LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Romney V8.0 or V 9.0…is more like it.

no_gravity October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

He would answer that but then he would have to kill you.

Esteev October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I think it's still a beta release candidate.

UnionAgitator October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Chris Matthews loaned him a shiv.

Ad Age sez CNN's focus group wuz 100% southern rednecks.

Ha Ha Ha:

UPDATE: It turns out that CNN's poll was, shall we say, not representative of reality. CNN notes that 37% of respondents were Democrat and 33% were Republican, but as a commenter points out, a closer look shows that none of the respondents were under 50; all of them were white; all of them were from the South.

finallyhappy October 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

How does that happen – the only people who would answer their phones or some preselected crap?

HistoriCat October 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

They got lazy and just used the same people they had for the Repub primary debates.

HistoriCat October 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

That's a perfectly valid sample if you're looking for the mood of the Republican party.

bobbert October 4, 2012 at 7:22 pm

And all of them were self described "Moderates" or "Conservatives". None "Liberals".

Not_So_Much October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Meh, I still love me the Bamz. I think 'Ol Handsome Joe is gonna cut a bitch next week.

DemmeFatale October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I can't wait to see the warmth of Uncle Joe smother the zombie-eyed granny starver!

Nopantsmcgee October 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Or make a huge gaffe. You never know with Joe, that's the scary part. He could make this worse.

finallyhappy October 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Why does anyone really think this matters? Who is swayed in voting by this? Are there really 100 people in the country who would change their vote over anything said in the debates? Short of something amazingly crazy-like Obama admitting his affair with Rebecca or RMoney admitting his affair with Rev. Wright

Schmannnity October 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Obama was just a little rusty, plus he could not bring his A game–a Predator Drone.

Mittaplasia October 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm

As the offspring of some corporation or another, Predator Drones are people, too, my friend.

Boojum October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Fact checkers are all over Mitt. I thinkBarry was just thinking about Michelle too much. He'll be aiight.

LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Point of order!!! I am not tedious.

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Please wait to be recognized by the chair before commenting. Thank you.

LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The chair with invisible Obama?

IncenseDebate October 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Yeah that one.

spareme October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I remain hopeful – anytime I see a lawyer writing on their little legal pad something is gonna happen. At their next debate, I hope he finishes Mitt off the way he did Trump last year.

ThundercatHo October 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

That was beautiful, wasn't it?

spareme October 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

It was perfect. I love it when he does that wide grin thingy. Someones fixing to get screwed.

Exhausted66 October 4, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Lemme know once this video has 37 million hits like the debate did, last night.

hagajim October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Will the editrix just pin me down and spank me?

Nopantsmcgee October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Yeah, we all think of great comebacks AFTER we need them. Dumbass unicorn. Go study for next week and be prepared, Professor of Constituty Law Stuff, be prepared!

Ruhe October 4, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm wondering if maybe what he needs is less prep. I think he's probably got most of the pertinent facts at hand in that big brain of his and he'd handle himself better if he were just standing and delivering rather than trying to follow some game plan.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm


LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Maybe it was Invisible Obama that showed up to that debate last night.

ingloriousbytch October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

It looks like Michelle broke him off an extra-sweet piece of sexy last night and woke him up good. Which is good because it made him stop emailing me for money.

anniegetyerfun October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Perhaps the campaign realized that maybe today wouldn't be the best day to try to convince us that money is going to make a difference?

elviouslyqueer October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Well, FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP to you too, Rebecca!

Goonemeritus October 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Similarly I finally came up with a fool proof pickup line to convince Mary to be my senior prom date. I wonder what she has been up to for the last 40 years.

Porter Melmoth October 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm

That stripper Jim brought in because the debate was so boring was so cute! Lithe, too.

mbobier October 4, 2012 at 2:46 pm

"Don't boo; vote!" would make an excellent bumper sticker.

DemmeFatale October 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Everyone needs to calm the fuck down. (I'm looking at you, Sully and Tweety.)
Most people are just waking up to the election, and are not as obsessive as we tedious shitstains are.
On my first campaign, some of us were panicking about something or other, and this other worker, who had volunteered for JFK, told us to mellow out.
I guess I'm that worker now.

Caelan Aegana October 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Honestly, the only thing I got out of the debate last night was from Romney's infuriatingly egositic repeated steamrolling of Lehrer. At least Obama let the guy finish his sentence when he warned him he was going over time, even if he just went right back to ignoring him.

I think from now on, we should rig the candidates up to car batteries, and give the moderator two buttons. And I'm not just talking about time limits. Candidate avoids the premise of the question? Zap. Candiate tells a lie? Zapzap.

Yeah, I would not be a humane moderator.

Steverino247 October 4, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Stanley Milgrim?

MLite October 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

You know when you think of that witty comeback the next morning?

LibertyLover October 4, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Because you've been up all night thinking about it?

Sacanagem October 4, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The French have a name for it: "l'espirit de l'escalier", or "staircase wit". Story of my life.

Negropolis October 5, 2012 at 12:48 am


dcjdjay October 4, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Yeah, but he sucked real big last night.

Yeah, people in America don't much like facts, but they sure as hell don't like a wimp.

Last night Obama was that wimp. And that pissed me off.

thefuckyousay October 4, 2012 at 8:50 pm

…more fair-weather idiocy from those who can't see the forest for the fucking trees.

BlueStateLibel October 4, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Mitt Rmoney = Wants to kill Big Bird.
Obama = Helped kill Osama bin Laden.
See the difference?

james October 4, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Hey, Shy Ronnie is using his outside voice!

finallyhappy October 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Samberg fan- thank you!

fuflans October 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm

sara? is that you?

(oh and thanks for the cheer).

Mittaplasia October 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Evil zombie-baptizing culty weirdo conjured a batch of bad juju last night, but, luckily, that outsourced batch was made 'on the cheap', so Obama not only wakes up alive, but he seems somewhat pissed.

Fox n Fiends October 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm


Isyaignert October 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Lettuce prey.

DocChaos October 4, 2012 at 3:24 pm

The Republicans will spend the week high fiving, chest bumping and butt-chugging the sweet wine of victory like Romney won the election last night, and then by the middle of next week, when a bunch of polls come out showing Obama still up 5, they'll go back to blaming each other for nominating the loser.

CommieLibunatic October 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I know, I know. If Barry is secretly as bitter as the rest of us at the infantile horde we call the 112th Congress, he is hiding it sublimely. And just as well that he does; remember, that is the same crowd that shrieked about socialism when he told a bunch of kids at a college to Be Cool and Stay in School.

In that kind of environment, you can't just beat Mitt Romney with a croquette mallet until jobs come out, however much he may want to.

pdiddycornchips October 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"I will not cut taxes for the wealthy but I will give them a tax cut." " I will repeal Obamacare and replace it with the exact same thing" "We can't afford to fund PBS but we must subsidize oil companies even though they make billions in profits every quarter" "I have never said we shouldn't hire more teachers, I said we don't need to hire more teachers and that's different, somehow" "I expect everyone will believe me when I say shit that contradicts shit I said yesterday in front of different audience."

I'm Mitt 2.0 and I approved of this message.

(expected release date of Mitt 3.0, January 2013)

CalvinsChoice October 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm

The hangover's still there, but it's not so bothersome. Time to cure it.

MozakiBlocks October 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm

The Axeman has already said that Barry will be "adjusting" his debate style for the next fandango.

But Bary is always going to be more Morgan Freeman rather than Samuel L. Jackson.

HelmutNewton October 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Oh Barry! Why do you make it so hard for me to love you!

CommieDad October 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The problem is that Barry was up all night dealing with an attack on a NATO ally. He does HAVE a day and night job, ya'know.

Negropolis October 5, 2012 at 12:50 am

If he can't multi-task, he won't have to worry about attacks on NATO allies, because he'll find himself out of that job, let me tell you.

synykyl October 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I want you to know, I registered just so I could thank you for this post ;-)

mavenmaven October 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Before the next debate his coach should remind him to visualize Osama Bin Laden.

viennawoods13 October 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

No. Donald Trump. (close, though)

eta: Just broke 100!! Whoo hoo!!

Nopantsmcgee October 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

When Pawlenty went to the first Republican debate, he was viciously attacked because for months before he was sharply attacking Romney. Then at their first debate, he shrunk off in a corner and even tho practically begged to by the moderators…he didn't attack Mitt while on stage with him.

I am reminded of that event watching Obama slowly shrink into his suit last night. I'm sorry Wonkette Overlords, you cannot turn this chicken shit into chicken salad. Only OBama can turn it around and even tho I am sure he's going to, it reminded me that our Unicorn isn't good at everything and really blew it last night.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Hey gang! The President is speaking now in Madison. It's on the cspans.

finallyhappy October 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Christ almighty – what a bunch of wanking whiners here. You are all tedious shitstains- Rebecca is right. I'm not reading any more Whining.

Trannysurprise October 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Jesus. By the end of the debate last night I thought Andrew Sullivan was ready to jump off that chair, noose tight around his neck.

jqheywood October 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Well, at least it would be quieter …

JackObin October 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

The race is now a virtual dead heat, with Ohio now in plkay. Romney WILL win, and Obama is better off for not having to lead a nation of blitherting idiots.

marechanden October 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Fuck getting a little love in your heart. Get a little shoe leather on the street! Knock doors! Ring phones! Drive awful old farts to the polls! You think this shit's gonna win ITSELF?


ChickTract_Fil_A October 4, 2012 at 5:26 pm

For every New Hope there's an Empire Strike Back. Now let''s Return of the Jedi our asses and get our Han Solo out of carbonite. Try and not get your Princess Lea tentacle-raped, OK?

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

OT- they've killed Nate Silver! "Http/1.1 Service Unavailable"

LibrarianX October 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I thought Mitt was going to hold Jim Lehrer down and cut his hair off.

LibrarianX October 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Note to Romney staff: Mitt needs more Red Bull before the next debate.

kyeshinka October 4, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Still sober from last night. Bah. Bunch of pud-pulling wanks!

ttommyunger October 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Righties on my FB ecstatic today about Mitt's monumental victory. There is not a spare straw in Georgia left un-grabbed.

kittensdontlie October 4, 2012 at 10:09 pm


lulzmonger October 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I didn't need to dry my eyes, because I didn't skip math class – & in the absence of a real epic fatal blow, it'd take about 20 of these dull-ass debates to ever get Elder Magick Gonch within sniffing range of a win. He keeps gibbering about 50% plus one of the vote like he's running for class president, but that's not actually how this clownshow works.

Yeah, boy, what a disaster – I mean, it's not like he played the exact same rope-a-dope game with Walnuts in 2008 … oh, wait.

What's weird to me is that Obama more or less comes right out & tells the GOP exactly how he's going to make them his bitch, like Babe Ruth calling his next home run – whereupon they immediately go shopping for a negligee & some Astroglide … WTF?

Could the plan have been to get Romney to give the Dems more delicious ad-fodder for the home stretch? Because there was no shortage of DNC ammo last night: "I like regulation" from Willard sure jumped out for me, & I bet there were plenty of similar desperately-tacking-leftward doozies where that one came from (I only saw the last 20 minutes or so).

winnyfranfran October 4, 2012 at 11:09 pm

But I only have two emotions: hysteria and indifference!

DDDnewacctagain October 5, 2012 at 12:03 am

What really bugs me is that after I watched the first Gore/Bush debate, I thought Bush was going to have to drop out, it was such an embarrassment. Then all of sudden I hear the story is about Gore sighing through the thing. Republicans are vicious spin monsters; they will find a way to take you down, and the media totally adapts to it.

If Romney had been the Democrat last night, the Republicans would have charged into the spin room with a common narrative of how "unbalanced" Romney looked, how tightly wound and on the verge of a nervous breakdown he was—not to mention how he had lied about everything. Sununu would have said he now saw what Ann Romney was so worried about. The story would have been completely different today. We just don't spin like that…and it was so easy to do. I can't believe how many left-leaning pundits think Romney was presidential and took charge…we're so frightened off by bullies. He was anything but presidential last night.

Personally I went over the edge when Romney just lied and lied about pre-existing conditions. Obama DID challenge him on it, and so many other things, but everyone thinks he didn't…someone said today that Obama won in the transcript but lost on TV. If he had played the same script with more charisma, it could have been so much different.

The opportunity Obama did miss was seeing how Romney was on the verge of exploding on the stage and needling him ever so slightly to put him over the edge. It's going to take a deft strategy to respond retroactively without looking like coulda-shoulda-woulda.

Negropolis October 5, 2012 at 12:38 am

Now, if he'd just tell this to Romney's face, it'd all be good. I mean, it's not as if he's the motherfuckin' President of these United States, right?

Mitt went and stole Barry's audacity for a night. I mean, he stole it to tell audacious lies, but Americans have always valued audacity more than they have truthfulness. Had America valued truth, the last Republican would should have had was Eisenhower.

You can't implore us for months on end with the "urgency of now "to defeat Beast-Romney, and practically call the bastard a liar for his lies for those many months on end, and then get in the debate, and get all piss-shy and not cash the checks. He didn't just embarrass himself, but every supporter who put his or her neck out there defending him against bogus claims at every turn. You want this? Show us you want it. Consistently, and especially during the times it counts the most.

There isn't a damned thing that could keep me from voting for this guy. If I could vote for him twice on the same day, I would. But, we're deep in these weeds as political people. You can't expect people who follow this shit on the fly to be impressed by lackluster performances. These debates aren't for us; they've never been. Hell, the debates aren't even about policy or those pesky facts. They are about the intangibles and immeasurables; they're about stagecraft and getting across visceral plays at emotions. I think we get caught in our bubbles in places like these and believe everyone should realize that Romney was lying his pants off. We believe such assumptions at our own peril.

dinkybossetti October 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Maybe wild turkeys can, but not the turkeys most of us eat. We've screwed them up so royally that they can't even procreate anymore without human intervention!

viennawoods13 October 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Feel that? It was something flying right over your head.

SorosBot October 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I knew someone else would remember that.

viennawoods13 October 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

And being much older than you, I remember it from the actual premiere of the series! Yes I am an oldz.

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