thank you sir may we have another

Finally, A Way We Can Just Pay Our Taxes Directly to the Job Creators and Cut Out the Middle Man

job creatorGreetings, Incorporated Americans, how may we best serve you today? Oh, just by paying a tithe for the privilege of enriching corporate coffers, that’s all, no big deal. According to investigative journalist and author David Cay Johnston, you might already be doing so without even knowing it, which he seems to think is bad, but REALLY aren’t we just cutting out the middle man here by paying our taxes directly to our corporate overlords, instead of waiting for them to get  multibillion dollar tax benefits or carryback provisions?

Take a look at your pay stub. In all but six states, workers will see a deduction for state income taxes … In a growing number of states, your state income taxes will also be increasing the profits of your employer.

You read that right. Many employers in nineteen states can now keep state income taxes withheld from paychecks. General Electric, Goldman Sachs and Procter & Gamble have these deals, along with a host of foreign firms from the German computer maker Siemens to the Swedish appliance maker Electrolux and a host of Canadian, European and Japanese banks. In all more than 2,700 companies get to pocket the state income taxes withheld from some of their workers’ paychecks.

Isn’t that nice to know that this is an equal opportunity tithe, wherein we can pay homage to our Incorporated Japanese and Canadians as well as Incorporated Americans?

[Beneficiaries of this policy include] Motorola Mobility, the cell phone maker. Just for promising not to move out of state [Illinois] and take three thousand jobs with it, Motorola gets to siphon $136 million from the paychecks of its well-paid high-tech workers. As if to make this transaction all the more interesting, Motorola Mobility agreed to be acquired by Google soon after the state made the big tax deal. The Motorola board then paid its CEO, Sanjay Jha, to go away. He received $66 million. Thus, Illinois taxpayers underwrote his golden parachute, which amounted to roughly half the value of the worker taxes flowing to Google…

No law requires the companies to notify the workers that state income taxes are being diverted. The state treats you as having paid your taxes even though it never got the money.

So the companies take away a little bit of our Speech every paycheck in exchange for letting us work for them, no big deal. You know what will fix this is eliminating loopholes, less regulations, less taxes, blah blah etc.

[Truth-Out]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson
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  • Baconzgood

    Tee-Hee

    "Siemens"

    • thatsitfortheother1

      lolz

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill
    • eggsacklywright

      And don't forget SAP.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wonder if the Kochs have anything to do with it

    • lizunyan

      My workplace is right down the street from a Siemens office, and a guy from there rents from us every Friday. I wonder if he will care about this if i tell him :S

  • Estproph

    I am not at all surprised. The ultimate goal of business in this country is to get profit with no expense whatsoever. Eventually we really will simply give them our paychecks for nothing.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Or pay them for the privilege of working for them. It's like The Four Yorkshiremen come to life.

    • Esteev

      So our resumes will simply become a sheet of paper with our bank routing number on it!

  • JustPixelz

    As a citizen of the IBM nation/state/person, I have already welcomed my corporate overlords.

    • nounverb911

      How many times have you experienced "I've Been Moved"?

      • JustPixelz

        OK, I confess I don't work for IBM. I work for another big but lesser known IT company so I used my official CT Poet's License/Voter ID.

  • Baconzgood

    You're work dollars at tax.

    • mrpuma2u

      This is why our Governator in IL is trying to be all Scott Walker douche-baggy about the budget. That fuck hole gave the money away, and now is trying to balance the budget by hacking state worker pay, Fucking moron assholes.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    On the bright side, at least I don't have to blow anybody to keep my job (yet).

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You guys hiring? My lips are chapping

      • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

        Where do you work at? Little Caesars? ("You want a job, right?")

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          If he was little, my lips wouldn't be chapping

    • JustPixelz

      It will be a great day when schools get all the money they need and employers have to give blow jobs to keep their employees.

  • OzoneTom

    States don't really need the money anyway. They'll just waste it on education and law-enforcement and such silliness.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Sudden booming business in ID cards…

    • Esteev

      Hmm… we could privatize those and make more speech money!

  • hagajim

    Where can I sign up?

  • freakishlywrong

    As long as my forced taxes go to the torch and pitchfork industry, this could be a win/win.

  • noodlesalad

    I'm more convinced than ever that it would be better to be a filthy rich incompetent CEO. Therefore I will keep playing the lottery and keep voting Republican so that, when I finally get my millions, I can enjoy the other end of the stick. Because this end, frankly, sucks.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Now now. Having to constantly fellate shareholders is hard work.

      • James Michael Curley

        You are probably too young to remember when almost every publicly traded company paid a dividend to its share holders, and sometimes with double digits. Now, who? These days even the bluest of the blue chips are, very rarely, using single digits and guess where that's going.

        • noodlesalad

          The stock market is just a big casino. Shareholder benefits are so 20th century.

          • James Michael Curley

            Guy was telling me about how well he did in Atlantic City a few nights ago. I told him I had a big wining day and it was right from my living room. He said “But you can’t gamble on the internet in NJ with real money.” I said you sure as hell can if Wall Street is your casino.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Can we just cut the shit and start paying these fuckers to let us work in the first place? I mean, indentured servitude, that wasn't so bad, right? What ever happened to loving being the serf we were born to be?

    • James Michael Curley

      Anton Chekov on line 2.

    • eggsacklywright

      Sharecroppers unite!

    • freakishlywrong

      We can owe our souls to the company store. (Walmart).

    • An_Outhouse

      serf/smurf same thing.

  • decentcitizen

    Sweet deal. How can I negotiate to tax my fellow citizens?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I taxed the blonde in my bed last night.

      OK, really, she taxed me but I gave it my all!

      • Guppy

        OK, but what about after you finished inflating her?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          She makes a nice pillow

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Hey! First they take out a life insurance policy on me then they get a cut of my paycheck!

    I really DO owe my soul to the company store!

    • James Michael Curley

      Years ago in a place in LA renown for folk music we went to see Loudon Wainright who did the whole song as "16 Pounds". I talked one of the girls to go up and ask him about it after the show and he just sort of smiled.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Did she ever get an explanation? I mean, a few interpretations leap to mind, of course

        • James Michael Curley

          Considering it was from the guy who hit the charts with “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road” I think he was playing with us.

  • SoBeach

    I couldn't have imagined this in even my most cynical daydream.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I could imagine it as far back as the 1980s, when private equity firms like Bain Capital KKR could buy a company then use the pension fund to pay off the junk bonds.

      • James Michael Curley

        KKR must also be remembered for the fact that they acquired Celotex, a leading manufacturer of asbestos based products and spent several years in the late 1980's telling the Courts that they did not acquire Celotex's liability because it wasn't specified in the Asset Purchase Agreement. When a NJ Supreme Court determined it did, KKR had well prepared various corporate filing shifts and then declared Chap 11 with the company they alleged owned Celotex.

        Kohlberg Kravis Roberts, K.B.R., Ltd., Co. (KKR) is a mean spirited company with a bunch of really sleazy lawyers representing them. During the Asbestos Wars everyone knew that when it was time for KKR to conduct a plaintiffs deposition it was going to be rough on the plaintiff. At one I attended in 1988, the plaintiff was in the last stages of mesothelioma and it was conducted at his home due to his severe disability. When the plaintiff asked, after about 4 hours, whether the attorneys could come back the next day, this KKR lawyers said, "No! It took weeks before everyone agreed on a date. You may be dead before we can reschedule."

  • Weenus299

    OK well the united states has gone to hell at state level, at least.

    • Guppy

      Laboratories of democracy!

    • Esteev

      TENTH AMENDMENT LIBEL!!11!

  • James Michael Curley

    This has been going on for years in various states. In NJ Big Pharma started getting this 'benefit' in 2003. It is called, 'tax abatement' and a new deal is being offered to keep another company from jumping ship and relocate all its pharmacy manufacturing off shore. This after Dubya and the Republican Congress guaranteed them a healthy price increase twice a year for the prescriptions seniors take.

    Go ahead, look at that bottle if you get one of those sealed ones that isn't broken up by the pharmacist. Chances are it was manufactured in Africa, South America or Eastern Europe. Now recall when that fartwad Bush was telling everyone he was going to protect them with prohibiting the importation of drugs from Canada.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      But we annexed all those, errrr, continents! They're part of the good ol' US of A!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least that shit doesn't happen in Texas, since we pay no personal state income tax.

    • Guppy

      I'm sure there are still merchants that get to charge you "sales tax" for the privilege of shopping there, though.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Actually, there is this billionaire fuck Leininger here in San Antonio that owns a medical supply place called Kinetic Concepts who wants to build a shopping/entertainment complex out in the little exurban town where I live; he has told our city council that he needs the city's cut of the sales tax in order for it to be viable and profitable. Outrage has ensued. Invisible hand my ass.

    • PugglesRule

      And when it comes to services, y'all get what you pay for.

    • CleverSobriquet

      Living in Texas is its own tax.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I can see that today is shaping up to be a Day Of Rage And/Or Outrage. I think I will try and get some work done instead of hanging out.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Isn't this the same argument that "my Godly Christian Federal tax dollars goes to pay for [insert a whore's name here] abortion!"?

  • Doktor Zoom

    David Cay Johnston is wonderful; when he was on Fresh Air a while back I ran out and bought his book, Perfectly Legal. This convinces me to finally read the damn thing…

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      I heard him interviewed on Democracy Now!, but decided $140 was too much to pay for his book. Admittedly, that price would support FSTV, but Amy Goodman has to start wearing makeup first.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      ah! i heard that interview and got suitably livid.

      i think i might have issues reading the whole book.

  • CrunchyKnee

    At least massa corporate don't beat me.

    • UnholyMoses

      The day ain't over yet …

  • SorosBot

    Wait, I know a couple of places that used to do this but they got sued and shut down for such a flagrant violation of the law.

    • Guppy

      Obviously they weren't Too Big to Sue.

    • HistoriCat

      Amateurs. The best operators get the law rewritten before swinging into action.

  • Nibbler of Niblonia

    I don't see the problem.

    if corporations are people, aren't all the employees just the company's dependents?

    we should just let our employers keep all of our paychecks and have them pay all our bills, living expenses, and just give us a small allowance for things like clothing and "entertainment." Like when we were 17 and our parents just managed all our money from our summer job.

  • pinkocommi

    At least my employer uses my state tax withholding to buy some donuts for the office once in a while.

    • Guppy

      Maybe if they got some vegetable trays instead every so often, they could keep down the cost of healthcare.

      • pinkocommi

        But maybe they are trying to kill us so that they collect on the life insurance policy they have out on us. Death by office donuts.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I have long advocated a payroll deduction plan for nerds, so that George Lucas can have our money if he'll just promise to stop fucking up the Star Wars movies any more.

    EDIT: Han shot first!

  • punkneverdies

    Well this is the first time I thought it was probably a good thing Texas doesn't have a state income tax.

    The rotting school infrastructure and general horrible quality of all public services is but a small price to pay for liberty.

  • UnholyMoses

    Teachers, roads, police officers, bridges, environmental protections, worker protections, state inspections of restaurants and hospitals and whatnot, wildlife management folks, keeping parks and rivers and lakes clean as possible, a few prisons not yet sold to Big Incarceration, social services, Medicaid, and all kinds of other stuff states handle is all overrated anyway …

    … in Haiti.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Don't see a problem: this is corporate morality at its best….the first rule of corporation is for profit…..unless ….maybe corporations aren't people, after all?…nah, Mitt would have said so…

  • UnholyMoses

    GOP: We'll give more power to the states to do stuff!!

    Still the GOP: We'll take away hundreds of millions of dollars from state coffers to give to foreign companies!

    Math: The fuck?!

  • calliecallie

    And I thought working for government was a bad deal….who knew?

  • delaney_blom

    St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go.
    I owe my soul to the company sto'.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Is anyone else having trouble controlling their homicidal rage today? I wonder if I can get an RPG on layaway.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Now we know the meaning of there is no free lunch.

  • Guppy

    They call it a race to the bottom, but one must ask: is there actually a bottom?

    • Esteev

      We're approaching it at break-neck speed.

  • ttommyunger

    Fucking genius! Preach Democracy at home and abroad, practice creeping Fascism all the while. Will the sheeples ever catch on? Doubtful. Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch and I have only one thing in common: we've all read Mein Kamph and marveled at the sections devoted to Propaganda.

    • James Michael Curley

      I liked the pictures.

      • ttommyunger

        I could only afford the paperback.

        • James Michael Curley

          You missed the fine tanned binding which you could have ordered to match your lamps.

          • Toomush_Infer

            I know! It's so much more personal….!

          • ttommyunger

            As a heavily tattooed man, may I report my skin crawling?

          • James Michael Curley

            Yes, especially if its crawling in my direction.

          • ttommyunger

            Sheeeet! Me on a lampshade! Iss crawling everywhere!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • MacRaith

    The Invisible Hand is picking my pocket. I saw it happen.

    • James Michael Curley

      Pocket pool?

    • Esteev

      The Invisible Hand has grabbed our ankles, flipped us over, and shaken the shit out of us.

    • Toomush_Infer

      My mom cut those out so I'd have something to play with – we waz poor…

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Geez, William Gibson couldn't have come up with this.

  • Esteev

    Why stop there? Why not just keep my salary? I'll sleep at my desk, bathe in the office sink, drink the rainwater from the gutters, and eat whatever crumbs are left over from the stockholder meeting.

    Imagine all the money speech these companies would have?!

  • DahBoner

    The Rich steal from The Poor?

    Now this game has a name, there is no shame.

    TESTIFY MITT!!!!!1!!!

    • Esteev

      When you say "steal" you mean "create jobs," right?

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    Could there be any clearer evidence that we should, as Mittens says, leave everything up to the states?

  • lulzmonger

    Jeeze, peasants, put down those pitchforks & get back to updating those Facebooks – what, you think hookers & blow grow on TREES?!?

    Hmm … hooker-&-blow trees … whoa!
    Quick, someone get me Dave from R&D!

    – Lulzmonger Inc., Cayman Islands

  • Toomush_Infer

    Oh, hobo bean, O hobo bean…

  • MiniMencken

    Truly amazing. I, for one, can't make this shit up.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    Take a look at your pay stub.

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAA

    fucking employed elitist.

  • Welpers

    I recall the 'Money' speech from Network.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI5hrcwU7Dk

    "You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today."

  • chascates

    Soon enough we'll become serfs who work on the noble's land and never see a paycheck any way.

  • HelmutNewton

    You'd better believe that actual debtor's prisons are gonna make a comeback too. The plutocrats haven't come this far without going all the way.

  • CleverSobriquet

    HA! I'm unemployed! Fuck 'em

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    This really takes the cake doesn't it? At what point will people wake up and say "fuck this shit?"