PEOPLE GET READY  7:00 pm October 3, 2012

ZingFest 2012 Is Almost Upon Us

by Jesse Berney

zingerZingers! Zingers! Who will be the first to make one? Who will have better ones? Will the entire debate be nothing but an endless series of zingers, each zingier than the next? Will Jim Lehrer be forced to stand up, pound his desk, and scream “The next candidate to make a zinger loses 30 electoral votes right fucking now” at Obama and Romney? Mystery guest bloggers Ken Layne and Jim Newell will let you know, back here, at 8:30 p.m.! But first, zingers!

As we write these words in Worldwide Wonkette Headquarters (at the moment, the surprisingly lovely Tenleytown Public Library in DC), Mitt Romney is furiously rehearsing zingers prewritten by his staff in the hopes that saying them over and over dozens of times will make them sound more “natural” when he tries to awkwardly work them into responses where they don’t quite fit.

President Obama, meanwhile, is softly humming Al Green to himself while engaging in a powerful pre-debate visualization ceremony, imagining himself delivering one zinger after another until Romney is reduced to a blubbering pile of tears.

I joke, of course. Romney and Obama are both deep in sexual congress with their wives, as is the tradition before all presidential debates.

But what about the zingers? What zingers will we hear tonight? Maybe these!

  • “President Obama, I knew Ted Kennedy. I debated Ted Kennedy. Ted Kennedy wiped the floor with me. You sir, are no Ted Kennedy.”
  • “I’ll bet you $10,000 you say something tonight that you’ll regret in the morning.”
  • “That thing is a thing that you did not build.”
  • “I understand why Governor Romney hasn’t released a detailed tax reform plan yet. All his number people are too busy trying to figure out a way the polls give him a lead in Ohio.”
  • “What’s black and white and has failed to get unemployment under 8 percent? That guy.”
  • “Yeah, I thought the campaign was done when Trump endorsed Mitt, but somehow I’ve managed to hang on.”
  • “DREAM Act? More like NIGHTMARE ACT, amirite?”
  • “I’d like to answer your question Jim, but I’m just a victim with no personal responsibility for myself, so I’ll depend on the government to answer that one for me.”

And don’t worry if you miss tonight’s debate. The press will be there tomorrow with hundreds, nay, thousands, of stories telling you who zinged first, who zinged best, and what the zingers mean for you and your family. (Spoiler: Nothing. They mean nothing.)

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 227 comments }

Misty Malarky October 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Romney: Who am I?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 7:42 pm

What am I doing here?

Antispandex October 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

"Govenor Romney, some have said you are a robot, so perhaps you mean, What am I?"

savethispatient October 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

That's a Who song, right? Is that the intro to CSI: Romney?

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Aren't they still trying to gnaw on the dessicated carcass that is " We Don't Know Barack Obama" ?

Come here a minute October 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Aww, I thought you would use my zingers.

ElPinche October 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Nice thick cream filled zinger .

Come here a minute October 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Vanilla filled with … wait for it … vanilla!

No_Wire_Hangers October 3, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Ken and Jim? Well hot diggity dog, indeed.

keepwalkin October 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Ken Layne?

I heard he was dead.

skmind October 3, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Before or after the Editrix allegedly dated him?

[ducks]

simlasa October 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

If 'dead' means 'drinking martinis with some Thai hookers on the beach' then yes… he's quite dead.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 9:53 pm

No, no, he is become Death, the Destroyer of Debates.

cousinitt October 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Zingers are all-American! Dolly Madison herself baked the first ones–she was the Hostess with the mostest among our founding Moms. Me, I'll be rooting for the chocolate Zingers tonight. Yum!

BarackMyWorld October 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

James Madison's second greatest accomplishment was writing the Constitution. His first?
Marrying the First Lady of snackcakes herself! Usering in the most celebrated document in history isn't even a close second to being the first to enjoy those delicious treats!

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I heard Dolly stitched a few zingers in her day…

kittensdontlie October 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I don't care for Egg or her his vanilla zingers.

Gratuitous World October 3, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Take my Egg, please…

tihond October 3, 2012 at 7:09 pm

We try to use Egg sparingly.

Gratuitous World October 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

her?

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Too much cholesterol?

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Romney: I say there, you look like a black man, you must be in sport.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Do I know the one-percenter who owns you?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Wow. Thank you. Wow.

Sharkey October 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Obama: Pardon me, do you have any White Poupon?

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I cannot stop referring to Blazing Saddles. I just plain cannot.

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I want to upfist you so hard a buncha times for this comment.

BarackMyWorld October 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

If they're allowed to ask each other questions, what's the over/under on Mitt asking "Who let the dogs out?" like he usually does when sees a black person?

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Romney: I stepped in gum.

b[redact]opple October 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Tenleytown library? I thought that got esploded by Michelle Rhee or something. Is it still next to the art deco Sears with the parking lot on the roof?

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Well, no more Hechingers, so some things do change.

mayor_quimby October 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I remember getting ripped off by that fucking sears for dorm room shit every year! And it was a bitch getting those cinder blocks back from hechingers on the shuttle so we could loft our bunks. The shit I did for pussy back then!

payton October 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Both the old library and the old Sears got redeveloped. The new library and the Container Store (the ultimate in First World Problem Solvers) that replaced the Sears share very similar interiors, except the library has brighter colors and skylights.

skmind October 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

"Mr President, 47% is not a majority"

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Mittens: "I'm not familiar precisely with what I said. But I stand by what I said. Whatever it was. "

Obama: "You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

You are on fire with the snark these days, mon ami.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Why, thank you, LL!

It's a gift. And a curse.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

It's a blessing in the UK, I miss snark and sarcasm more than anything else.

tihond October 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I just hope Tuggb Romney is there. He's dreamy.

kittensdontlie October 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Romney: Professor Obama claims he is black, a person of color. He checked the box. As you can see, he is not. Nicely tanned, but not colored.

tessiee October 3, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Silvio Berlusconi libel?

"Of Barack Obama, upon his election as US president in November 2008, he said: "[Mr Obama is] young, handsome and suntanned".

His response to the wave of criticism following the remark: ''God save us from imbeciles… How can you take such a great compliment negatively?"

An unabashed Mr Berlusconi rehashed the jibe on his return from the G20 summit in Pittsburgh on 28 September 2009: "Ah, Barack Obama. You won't believe it, but the two of them sunbathe together, because the wife is also tanned.""

kittensdontlie October 4, 2012 at 9:10 am

That's unbelieveable!! Thanks for pointing that out. His is a rascal.

skmind October 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

"Governor Romney also implemented my healthcare plan. Retroactively."

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

It's now or never. That humor 2.5 patch might not take.

4TheTurnstiles October 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

It's a good world when Layne shows up. And Newell's back again?

HateMachine October 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

"It's a good world when Layne shows up."

Not according to him. Oh damn, I accidentally zinged all over myself.

Dashboard Buddha October 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Romney: I like turtles!

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

All the way down.

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Romney: Ann drives 2 Cadillacs, on Kolob.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Judging by her recent appearance on Leno she's driving the Sean John-designed model.

Pithaughn October 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I predict a zinger that is a veiled reference to eating a dog. Followed by a " thought they all liked fried chicken"

DrunkIrishman October 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Romney is going to make a bid to buy Obama.

Not_Mother October 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

The "white knight" trying to "greenmail" Barry? Pretty sure Barry has the "poison pill." Zing!

mavenmaven October 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Car elevator zingers? Seamus zingers?

Gleem McShineys October 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

"Seamus Zingers"

Worst. Flavor. Ever.

SmutBoffin October 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Knowing Mitt, he will attempt to instantiate a Zinger, but a Little Debbie Swiss Roll will come out instead.

Crank_Tango October 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Ho Ho Libel!

PubOption October 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Swiss bank roll?

Gleem McShineys October 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Likely a little "organic Toblerone" might slip out, upon being confronted by a Those People.

BloviateMe October 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Mitt's going to yell "interception!" and grab Michelle's boob.

Haha just kidding, it's a black boob, he thinks those are gross.

kittensdontlie October 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

And that chocolate milk is way too stimulating for his taste.

tessiee October 3, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I almost wish he would try it.
She'd knock his block off.

Crank_Tango October 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

You can pry my zingers from my cold, dead fingers. RMONEY/PALIN 2016!!!!

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Romney: If I were a Mexican none of my backers would acknowledge me unless I was driving an old pickup truck with lawnmowers in the back.

ChillBill October 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Barry: "I'll take Cayman Islands Tax Exceptions for 500, Alex…I'm sorry, what's the question?"

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Is it too late to get Drew Carrey to moderate and do an impromptu "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

SavageDrummer October 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I could totally see Romney winning a ho-down…

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

In his mom jeans? Please.

BloviateMe October 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Wayne Brady could fill in for Bammerz. The crackers would never know the difference.

Beowoof October 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Somehow I think the smarter guy will prevail. The one didn't have to rehearse zingers, who just came by them by being able to think. Something republicans abhor.

Sassomatic October 3, 2012 at 7:24 pm

"The chronically unemployed are freaking out harder than a dog strapped to the roof of a car."

salt_bagel October 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'm all zung out just from reading these comments.

Jim Newell October 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Oh what the hell.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Zounds, it's true!

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

BTW… we have missed your posts…

iTuna October 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

How was Florida?

Jim Newell October 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

It was lovely, against all odds!

iTuna October 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

And your golf game?

Jim Newell October 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

depended on a day. shot a 46 on the front nine of bay hill, though, with a birdie on the hole where tiger raped his mistresses or whatever it was

Monsieur_Grumpe October 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Florida? Have you retired? If so, from what?
Either way, good to "see" you.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Well, I saw what you did there.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Ginger in the house! The fun begins.

AbandonHope_ October 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Ron Weasley is doing the liveblog!?

Blueb4sinrise October 3, 2012 at 7:49 pm

!!!!!! tOOw

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That's the spirit!

Sharkey October 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I know. It's a sad cesspool of bad puns, "memes", and Derik Wildchat.

sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I promised the five people I have locked up in my root cellar one of them would go free if Newell showed up again, (no pressure) … run Julio run … I hold you responsible for the other four.

CapnFatback October 3, 2012 at 8:37 pm

My "little pundit" is standing at his podium and at full attention.

BarackMyWorld October 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Rather than Zingers, I'm actually more interested in seeing which questions Romney awkwardly uses his memorized answers to respond to (aka "pulling a Palin").

Monsieur_Grumpe October 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Or as I like to say…. Pulling a finger.

Selfish_T October 3, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Come for the zingers, stay for the gaffes.

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I prefer the best boys…….

Caelan Aegana October 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

“What’s black and white and has failed to get unemployment under 8 percent? That guy one.”

FTFY.

AddHomonym October 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

People Get Ready! (plus bonus) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooozXzkEqMs
You can thank me later.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I'll thank you now. Well, I guess it's later, now. O screw …

Detesticle October 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

And now, in this corner, the one-term governor of Obamacare. Are you ready to fumbllllllllle?

HarryButtle October 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Zingers are supposed to be spontaneous, no? A quip, thought up and delivered on the fly with devastating affect. A zinger, in the hands of a comedically-challenged novice, is a dangerous thing. You just know that Mitt's gonna step on his dick tonight.

If you are practicing your zingers, U R doing it WRONG!

GunToting[Redacted] October 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

R-Money will be like a toddler with a chain saw.

BlueStateLibel October 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Just want to hear Obama say, "I drink your milkshake." Just once.

Biff October 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

But then he must drop the mic for effect, and cold walk off the stage.

Steverino247 October 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I'll be happier when he yells, "I'm finished!" to the Secret Service detail who scoop up Romney's neural circuits and wipe the hydraulic fluid off the bowling pin…

An_Outhouse October 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

i hope romney wears a dark suit so no one notices when he pees himself.

Antispandex October 3, 2012 at 7:42 pm

"Wait a minute! I agreed to a debate, NOT to actually answering questions. I ask that the answer be stated in the form of a question…sort of Jeopardy!, like. THEN, and only then, wilI I provide the question that I prefer to answer! Are we clear on the rules now?"

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

"Back in the hood, we had a saying for guys like Mitt Romney–his car elevator does not reach the top floor."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Romney: "So, do you like… stuff?"

tessiee October 3, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Look in the tunk.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Did you see that Romney's team are lowering expectations even more by saying that Mitt didn't sleep last night because a freight train was outside his hotel ?

GunToting[Redacted] October 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

If Mitt shows up and strings together one complete sentence, his people and Fuxx will declare it the greatest victory in history.

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

And Planned Parenthood mounted an all night protest outside the hotel? Beautiful if true.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head

DemmeFatale October 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Bruuuuuuuuce!

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Oh, hell.

Bruuuuuuuuuuce!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Will he show up in a maroon velvet tux?

shelwood46 October 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Even better, they are saying he might do crappy because there was a train keeping him up Monday night. The idea that a potential POTUS cannot recover from a sleepless night after two days… very reassuring.

BoroPrimorac October 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Where the fuck did he stay, Ramada Inn?

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I know, doesn't that sound cheesy.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Marriott, natch.

ttommyunger October 4, 2012 at 12:02 am

That train is headed right for him to; and its name is Barry.

Tsunami Ali October 3, 2012 at 7:47 pm
BlueStateLibel October 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Starting to get worried Mitt might pull another Univision with the stage makeup – his last October surprise? Also worried by the increasingly alarming beer situation here too.

JackObin October 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

What does Mitt like with his Zingers, coffee or Scotch?

Biff October 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I know he's not supposed to drink, but what's their position on buttshooting tampoons?

spareme October 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I wouldn't give Mitt that many options.

DemmeFatale October 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

He likes milk.
(Chocolate if he's feeling naughty.)

Monsieur_Grumpe October 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I have 10 gallons of home brewed IPA that I just tapped. I hope it lasts the night. Maybe I should invite a friend?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Look out your window.

[waves]

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

The hoppier the better! I'm most fond of simcoe.

HobbesEvilTwin October 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

If you play my favorite debate drinking game*, 10 gallons could be a dangerously insufficient amount of beer.

* drink every time the moderator or one of the candidates says something facile.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Someone on Twitter just said that he was hoping for Barry to say " Watchu talking about Willard?".

Sharkey October 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Was it Gary Coleman?

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

He is deceased I believe.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

We can rule out Dana Plato, Gary Coleman, Conrad Bain, Charlotte Rae and Michael Jackson, so it had to be Todd "Burning" Bridges.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

"Alex, I'll take famous negro yachtsman for $10,000."

Sharkey October 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Can I buy a vowel? Give me an "O".

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Bob Barker reminding you: help control the pest population. Have your pet and republican neighbors spayed or neutered.

Beowoof October 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Sailing off on the Cracker Bay.

Gleem McShineys October 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

"I am a vulcanized rubber compound, and my opponent is adhesive. Every pronouncement caroms off of my surface, and is affixed to him! END OF FILE"

Jerri October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Ha! Comment of the week.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

You are really good at this. I now realize I didn't spend enough time chatting with you in SF.

dawgeral October 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Dang! My Zing-O-Meter got good and broked cuz Miz. Palin cuddn't keep her trap shut-up even during the ads. I had it all fixed, but then ole Akin-face had to hold-forth about air-abortin' yestiddy…an' , well…yer guess gud as mine. I need a drink.

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Hear a zinger, drink a Stinger.

Terry October 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

"at the moment, the surprisingly lovely Tenleytown Public Library in DC"

But what about the libations?

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Awesome comment on DKos:

I know it's not a surprise, But Romney lied again. (15+ / 0-)
The reality. His idiot staff booked him into a hotel that is within a block of the Planned Parenthood clinic. Planned Parenthood orgznized loud well attended protests outside his hotel.

In addition, I wonder why a smart reporter (I know, oxymoron) didn't ask him how he is going to respond to the 3 am call that the Russians are bombing us. He'll just need to go back to sleep and get his beauty sleep and deal with it in the morning.

Congratulations, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains.

A double fail by the Romney staff. Booking a hotel near a railroad line and booking a hotel near Planned Parenthood. What did you assholes expect?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

by MMColo on Wed Oct 03, 2012 at 05:48:35 PM EDT

[ Reply to This | Recommend Hide ]

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

It seems that "quiet rooms" are hard to find.

Sharkey October 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

This is gonna beat the heck out of RenFest!

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm

But it won't top Stimpypalooza '99. For days we lumbered, wandered in a psychotropic haze searching for Stimpy's first fart. "Stinky where are you?"

Blueb4sinrise October 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

email from Barry………..

Can't wait to see what you do tonight.

Barack

WTF???

gullywompr October 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Got it also too, soliciting campaign contribution.

This black guy is always asking for change…

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 8:08 pm
CapnFatback October 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm
sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Snidly Mittlash?, .. sorry warming up my "Zingers".

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm

competent presidential material i see.

Terry October 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I was hoping he got some bad sour cream on his breakfast burrito

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Apparently he ate a barbecue sammich and some spaghetti so I am thinking bad farts.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

layne and newell! reunion tour!!

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Needs some Sara K. Smith and who was that intern guy with the top hat that Breitbart had a crush on?

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Don't pretend you've forgotten Waggs.

HobbesEvilTwin October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Freebird!

Misty Malarky October 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

It's not easy
bein' orange

Warpde October 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Zing, Zang…sounds like outsourcing to me.

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Hey! The chix on Fox are both wearing non-partisan red shirts!

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Ruh-roh…O'Reilly said he's a lonely guy tonight! Hide the falafelzwzzez!

EdFlintstone October 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Just don't let me be the poster who doesn't realize for 45 minutes we're on live blog 3.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Faugh, CSPAN's got Open Phones in the lead in to the Debate coverage. These callers make me weep for the Species.

IceCreamEmpress October 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I don't understand why Mittens doesn't hire people to sleep for him. A good executive knows how to delegate.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:28 pm

i hope the number '47' comes up.

Barrelhse October 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It will, if they ask about Mitt's sperm count.

ElPinche October 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Just remember libtards, for every question Romney answers, there's a video on youtube where he says the complete opposite.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

we have decided to watch zingfest with the wonkettes and not the bamz campaign at a charming north side bar.

and I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm

There's a woman onstage right now that's clearly half Velociraptor. She's frightened the entire audience into sitting down.

I'm sitting down.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

i'm too frightened to sit down.

(really i hate these things).

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I wish I could sleep through these, but I must watch. At least I get to watch along with a great big batch of brilliantly malicious lunatics. It really helps.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm

i too am compelled to watch. but i spend the night pacing and drinking.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I have to do this sober tonight. Pray for my furniture.

stew1 October 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm

As far as buzz phrases, I guess we can exclude "kiss my mormon/black ass", but then these guys hate each other so who knows?

Abernathy October 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Those zingers look like they came from the local 7-Eleven or whatever.

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Today is the Obama's 20th anniversary I believe.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

That's true, according to NPR. Also true – according to NPR – the Obama's have postponed their anniversary celebration 'till the weekend.

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

So the Sunday news shows will be about how much their night out cost the taxpayer?

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

James O'Keefe will be their busboy, with a hidden 'Cam.

Barbara_ October 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Spaghetti dinner is done.
If you're happy and you know it, crack a beer.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

HA! we are having chili dinner.

i have already cracked the cab…

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Gianelli Grenache here.

Jerri October 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I am fighting a cold. I might have to do this on just one beer! Hold me.

ProgressiveInga October 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I don't drink. I'm scared.

Jerri October 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I'll drink a second beer for you then.

Misty Malarky October 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

The 47% eat TastyKakes.

HistoriCat October 4, 2012 at 10:55 am

Oh that takes me back to childhood … "nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a TastyKake!"

HobbesEvilTwin October 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Yay! Ken Layne!
I want to have his gay not-baby so that I can have a not-pregnant abortion.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Let's hear it for the INTERNATIONAL BOTTLED WATER ASSOCIATION! WOOHOO!!

oh, and cspan, also too.

Mittaplasia October 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

They're still tweaking the Zingers for Dummies program for the Mittbot.

Bramlet Abercrombie October 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Hello everyone! Pretty sure I've not commented since, oh, the last election, but I am lurking here with you always. Let's do this. I am 47% excited.

stew1 October 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

If you're a guy and you think Rachel Maddow is hot, what does that make you?

ProgressiveInga October 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

An honorary lesbotarian?

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

A Guy.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Frustrated.

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Beat me (off) to that.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I am a straight woman and I would totally do her.

MosesInvests October 3, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Completely normal (at least in that respect-don't know much else about you. You're on Wonkette, so normality is relative.)

ttommyunger October 4, 2012 at 12:04 am

Don't forget Stephanie Miller. She also goes lickety-split, but she is so hawt and smart…

Studebaker Hawk October 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

"The owner of the Jerk Store, who's a friend of mine, called and said they're running out of you."

Not_Mother October 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Last minute rehearsal overheard at the Romney Brain Trust Jerk Store http://bit.ly/PbtmZR

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

i believe we have trolls a-lurking.

imissopus October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I'm out of booze but I do have nearly a full eighth of legally obtained medical marijuana. FOR ANXIETY AND FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY! Let's do this.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

do it live!

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I am so jealous. I've been drooling (online) at a Seattle dispensary that offers cannabis PHO BROTH!!!!

Come here a minute October 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Oh, hey, here's Rick Santorum hitting it out of the park for Romney, Egg style.

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

this is so fabulous.

Bramlet Abercrombie October 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I think they want the audience to remain silent or something.

chascates October 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I'm guessing East Coast Jim will lead off with Desert Dweller Ken closing up shop?

Tilley October 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Hey Wonketeers. I've been gone for a while, what with having acquired a job during this Obameconomy and all, but just had to check in to see who's here and what's up with liveblogging tonite! Have to do this with y'all, given the butt-chugging /Staci Campfield/other assorted lunacy I dwell amongst daily down here in Idiotville Tennessee. Let the drinking games begin! woo-hoo!

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm

It has been a while. Welcome back.

Beowoof October 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I think I am going to watch from elliptical machine. Work off all of my irritation with the Rmoney's answers.

C_R_Eature October 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Jim Lerher just told the entire audience to "Sit On It"! Several times! Woah, he's tough.

It hasn't even started yet. What's he going to do when it does start, throw knives?

emmachuur October 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Scary! Some Mittlette sitting next to Ann Romney looks like an exact half Mitt half Ann. He must be the "Wills" of the Romenians.

Moniker Lewinsky October 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Is this the website page that everyone is using to comment on the Mormon gentleman talking with the colored fella? What teevee channel are folks watching?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

What's teevee? I'm watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1jXLzNto70

kingofmeh October 3, 2012 at 8:56 pm

why did the member of the chronic-victim non-taxpaying member of the lowest 47 percentile cross the road?

because that's where they were handing out government cheese . (the judges will also accept "because they didn't have a driver standing by to take them there.")

YerMa October 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

It's about damn time. These 'replacement Ken and Jim's' have been atrocious!!

I kid, I kid, I love you all, Wonkette.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Wheeeeeee!!!!!! Here we go.

Limeylizzie October 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Is it wrong to still love Hopey? I have never wavered in my love.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Just popped the cork on a nice, cold, lightly-oaked Italian white. Which I will drink in its entirely, pretty much at will. Ready to sit back and enjoy the Mittocalypse.

Moniker Lewinsky October 3, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Romneybot: ENGAGE

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Mitt will NOT cut taxes on the rich? Teabagger heads exploding already.

ttommyunger October 4, 2012 at 12:08 am

I think the Mitt in the Debate tonight was the same Mitt the cop had to deal with when he arrested him dockside lo those many years ago: frustrated, tense, argumentative and, in the end, defeated, but unbowed.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Golf clap

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Tiger got the golf clap on that hole?

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