BIRD IS THE WORD  4:28 pm October 3, 2012

Caption Contest: What Is TBN Loon Paul Crouch Up To In Jerusalem?

by Doktor Zoom

Crouching Finger, Hidden Faggin' So here is what is purportedly an undoctored photo of televangelist Paul “No, My Wife Jan is a Different Person From Tammy Faye Bakker” Crouch of Trinity Broadcast Network, giving the finger for some reason to his camera crew while he is on camera in Jerusalem. Or at least, that is what reliable reporter Gustavo Arellano of the OC Weekly says we are looking at here. Why is this news? It isn’t really, but there is never a reason NOT to run a hilarious photo of a Man O’ God flipping the bird, is there?

It is also an excuse to remind people of the many times the Crouches have been sued, such as for using donors’ contributions to buy a $100,000 motor home for their dogs, or the time Crouch paid a gentleman friend $450,000 to just shut up about the gay sex already.

Your Correspondent also has his own fond memory of one of Rev. Crouch’s TV performances, when during a visit to Israel somewhere around, we dunno, 1990 or so, Crouch saw an IDF armored personnel carrier trundling down the road and practically creamed his pants at the possibility that a bunch of Israeli draftees driving around on a routine patrol might — just might – represent the arrival of the Battle of Armageddon. This Paul Crouch is a pretty excitable fellow, is what we’re saying, so there is just no telling what might have prompted him to give the camera a single-digit salute.

We know nothing about pixels, so we cannot say whether this looks ‘shopped. But we will turn it over to the Wonkettariat: Write your funny comedy captions in the comments, STAT!

“Winner” gets an “OBAMAPHONE.”
[OC Weekly]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 107 comments }

OzoneTom October 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I thought that it was Father Guido Sarducci at first.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I thought it was Stan Lee

Pragmatist2 October 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I thought it was Stan Sarducci.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Or Detective Munch.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Finda the Pope in the Pizza.

weejee October 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm

The bird of peace?

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

He's flipping the dove!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Wait until he extends his olive branch.

weejee October 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm

♪♫ It'll be a long time coming, be a long time gone ♫♪

Blueb4sinrise October 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

FUCK YOU!

edit: Oh . Posted too quickly. I thought you were asking for exejesus.

Schmannnity October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Not him, unless he is now dying his hair and became a priest. Nice sentiment though.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Like you've never dressed up for sex…

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Shit.

herecomedajudge October 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

yep, thats the middle part of the holy trinity

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

"I believe most of all in the Third of the Triune God: the Holy Spirit"

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Guess where this finger's been and you'll get a lot more than an obamaphone.

Barrelhse October 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm
x111e7thst October 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

One if by land, two if by Galilee?

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"Here's your statehood, Palestinians."

LastGasp October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"$450,000 for a night casting out a rent boy's demons, but does this finger look like it's ever been in another man's ass?! By the way, the gay sex rumors are bullshit!"

Callyson October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"Go ahead, pull it…I dare you!"

delaney_blom October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"So, I put this finger up his ass like so, and tickled his balls with my thumb"

Self-Uploader October 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I say shopped, but I never heard of this colorful charlatancharacter before so thanks for the intro.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Pull HIS Finger"

ManchuCandidate October 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The Bird Is The Word… of God.

noodlesalad October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Yahwent there.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

He has risen!

Mahousu October 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

What's its price?
$225,000 twice.

Negropolis October 4, 2012 at 1:02 am

WIN

noodlesalad October 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I got yer Dome of the Rock right here.

Not_Mother October 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"My way of saying thanks for all the tax-free donations!"

iTuna October 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

No, they're 'love offerings'. The person making a 'love offering' does not get to deduct it from their taxes, while Crouch gets to. But you get something blessed in holy water or some shit, so it's all good.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Crouching Tugger Hidden Finger.

Pragmatist2 October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

He was saying: "There is only ONE God!"

Mittens Howell, III October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

As I said to my masseur: "Biblically, receiving more than 'two knuckles in' counts as an abomination. So pray for me."

YouBetcha October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I would not hit that. Not even with the kinky priest costume and 'stache, which usually do it for me.

Indiepalin October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"Where's your falafel now?!"

derpderpderp1 October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I smote Tammy with this very finger.

delaney_blom October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"You thought the falafel was bitter?"

SavageDrummer October 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

JEEBUS IS NUMBER ONE!

StealthMuslin October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"Of course Mormons are Christians."

el_donaldo October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I've been in the Trinity Broadcasting Network building, and, man, it's basically marble, crystal, and gold-plating everywhere, and I mean everywhere in amazing quantities and detail. What's the point of a grift of that size if the level of your taste can't exceed that of Liberace or the Real Housewives of New Jersey?

Tundra Grifter October 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Are you sure you weren't in the lobby of one of Donald Chump's hotels?

el_donaldo October 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Given the amount of peach and pink marble, it may as well have been the Orange County Trump Towers.

Maybe there's a level of taste that's just pure, plain grifter.

anteater October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Yes, this is the finger I used upon that gorgeous sodomite sinners dazzling rectum.
So what?

delaney_blom October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"In five . . . four . . . three . . .two . . . . and we're on"

BloviateMe October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"When stinky pinky just don't cut it, I go with the middle diddle."

Ruhe October 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"I don't care how pretty that thing is…fuck the dome and the rock!"

SpiderCrab October 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Is that his IQ or his number of known parents? (With apologies to my ten year old self.)

Barbara_ October 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Maybe his Viagra melted in his hand before he could get his rotgut whiskey opened to wash it down with.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

"Number one, in my three stage plan to get myself offed……………"

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

"Suffer the little children to come unto me".

delaney_blom October 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

"I said turn the lights down; these transition lenses are so damn sensitive."

4TheTurnstiles October 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

You're not Kurt Vonnegut, preacherman. Get rid of the mustache already.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

'This is the digit I use to exorcise Pat Robertson's demons."

Estproph October 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"Who's your father? I'M your father!"

cousinitt October 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Blessed are the proctologists, for they shall inherit the sphincter of god.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"Fuck it, we'll do it live!"

Ohforcripessake October 3, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Bahahaha! I thought about that one too!

Negropolis October 4, 2012 at 1:03 am

Damn, I was going to do that one. I was just eight hours too late.

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"My producers told me they're sending me to the land of milk and honey and instead I end up in this crappy hill town crawling with foreigners — fuck those bastards."

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"And to all you Jews that don't believe in the One True Messiah…"

bibliotequetress October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"I'd rate that Kirk Cameron choir boy a three knuckler!"

delaney_blom October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Who put the TBN booth right across from Al Jazeera?"

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Wanna sniff?"

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Fuck you, that's my name!"

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

One of the great improvisations in recent film. I love how Ed Harris, the provocateur has the tables turned on him by Baldwin and almost ruins the take by cracking up.

MaxNeanderthal October 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Sit, …..aaaaand SWIVEL!"

freakishlywrong October 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Fuck you too, asshole.

bibliotequetress October 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"ROBERTSON! Yeah, you, Pat! This is what Jesus has to say about your 48' Sea Ray. Mine is 52' and I piss in your font."

DaveJ October 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Crouch saw an IDF armored personnel carrier trundling down the road and practically creamed his pants at the possibility that a bunch of Israeli draftees driving around on a routine patrol might — just might – represent the arrival of the Battle of Armageddon.

Knowing Crouch, it was probably more over the possibility that a bunch of Israeli draftees driving around on a routine patrol might stop and do some pushups or start playing volleyball.

BloviateMe October 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Derrick Wildcat's latest and most elusive bird pic.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Oh come on! Can't you see the Fender strapped across his shoulders? He was clearly using a plectern and trying to point, so he HAD to use his middle finger!

Doktor Zoom October 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Plectern? I don't even KNOW ern!

freakishlywrong October 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Watching the teevee: "President hold narrow lead in National Polls".
Really? How, fuckers, how?

widestanceromance October 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Obviously photoshopped because the other hand's middle finger would have been held horizontally, making the sign of the cross.

Or maybe he had written a short grocery list on his finger (such as vaseline + candy corn).

Ryy October 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I got your Pope right here!

mavenmaven October 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"When I saw those tight soldier's butts I got hard like this"

fatbob54 October 3, 2012 at 4:57 pm

HIs jowls are having sex with his chins.

Ohforcripessake October 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"Smite me"

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever see….

Genio1 October 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"And on the 8th the lord said 'Fuck it.'"

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"Does this smell wierd to you?"

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

"God says its not a sin if you only use one finger"

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

OT: Blog for Arizona says that the Koch Brothers just dumped a ton of PAC cash on Jeff Flake, the Mormon senatorial candidate (Kyl & McCain's hand-picked successor to Kyl) who is getting a run for his money from Democrat Rich Carmona. Carmona's ads, highlighting how Republicans are screwing our returning vets, are playing really well here. http://arizona.typepad.com/

BTWBFDIMHO October 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Ok, let me count Jesus' fathers, one,…WTF?!

JackObin October 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"Fuck you Jesus for turning my wife's hair purple!"

mustangsavvy October 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

"Fuck you and the donkey you rode in on….is what I'd say to them non-believing heathen Jews. But apparently that's wrong….or something."

AlaskaGrrl October 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

What's an Evangelist doing wearing a dog collar? Secret Papist?

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Why is Leonard Nimoy flipping us off?

proudgrampa October 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

"It's not my age, it's my IQ."

Robman2 October 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

One Way!

Tundra Grifter October 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

A pinky ring? Did he see "The Godfather" too many times?

rickmaci October 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Looks like a witness protection program disguise.

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

"Fuck the father, fuck the son, fuck the holy ghost…"

fawkedifiknow October 3, 2012 at 6:05 pm

"Now that you ask, and if you must know, this is the finger I use to have butt seks with myself."

simlasa October 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I used to watch their show for the lulz and never saw him in a priest's collar before… it makes him look Catholic and IIRC these guys DO NOT like Catholics.

HempDogbane October 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

OMG, you guys ! Rep. Steve King is on live on WNAX ! Sure would be a shame if one of the worst prople in America gets pre-empted by one of the worst teams in baseball. Go Twins !

TribecaMike October 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

In my expert opinion, he's either helpfully pointing out the location of the Dung Gate (Sha'ar HaAshpot) for his viewers, or suffering from the delusion that he hasn't contracted a bad case of Jerusalem Syndrome.

chascates October 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

His neck.

Mittaplasia October 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't have Jeebus smite everyone on this website-NOW!

Dashboard Buddha October 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

"just shut up about the gay sex already"

Oh, wait. He said, "Mr. Crouch". I thought he said, "mister, crouch".

JadedPreppy October 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

"It is easier for this finger to go through the anus of an altar boy than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Antispandex October 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

"What's with the Roman collar, Paul? You aren't even a real minister."

Slim_Pickins October 3, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"And allow me to convey my personal blessing."

Negropolis October 4, 2012 at 1:06 am

"His eye is on the sparrow…"

Can someone explain the collar? He's not Catholic, that's for damned sure.

Cognitive Dissident October 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm

WHO IS THIS MAN, and why isn't he already a household name, instant super celeb?

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