GIVE US ALL YOUR MUNEEZ  3:00 pm October 3, 2012

Wonkette Has Always Depended On The Kindness Of Strangers

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

legitimate rapeYou are looking to reach over 650k unique human beings each month – Wonkette readers are born with an advanced degree and at least one third of them even have jobs! – and we are looking to keep from peddling our children on the street. Let us help you help us!

Wonkette accepts most advertising short of total porn, penis supplements, and the NRA. (How did we get through life being so redundant?) Our dedicated readers are sophisticated citizens of the world, from coast to coast, but are concentrated especially in the office of Vice President Old Handsome Joe. (For pricing, write to wonkette@blogads.com.) We offer many types of ad shapes and sizes, sort of like the vampire bar in From Dusk Till Dawn, which will go nameless here out of respect for you and your delicate (and monied) sensibilities.

Want us to whore ourselves out just a little more? We can do that. We offer both sponsored posts and a “Your Name Here” endowed chair on any beat you like – the environment for instance, or the war on ladies’ pieces. That will run you more, like kissing. (How much more? That’s still secret.)

If you don’t have $2500 for a full-blown takeover, we’ve got lots of other ad units in varying shapes and sizes to meet your polymorphous needs. We’ve executed astonishing campaigns for Livestrong, PBS Frontline and Fox Searchlight.

Need help convincing your boss that Wonkette is the right “partner?” We’ve surveyed more than 34,000 readers on hundreds of brands, causes and issues. We can give you wild-eyed data that will prove or disprove any thesis you’ve got.

Here’s some of the fancypants stuff we’ve done for our beloved advertisers.

In conclusion, give us all your money and shit. Perhaps you don’t have a business you want to advertise, or don’t want it associated in any way with the filthy Wonkette name, but still want to support us, your favorite website in the history of Al Gore. You can do so! Buy a book through the Powell’s link in our righthand sidebar, or anything on earth through the Amazon box over there and we will get a decent cut of it. You can always just Paypal cold cash too, to rebecca@wonkette.com. It hardly hurts at all.

Rebecca Schoenkopf,
Editrix

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 214 comments }

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

…is it pledge week already?!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

When did it end?

Mahousu October 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

No, not until the guest post by Deepak Chopra shows up.

AbandonHope_ October 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Wonkette totally needs Ira Glass to shame us all into giving them money.

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I feel like I'm reading NPR.

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

…with dick jokes.

mrpuma2u October 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

They did make a dipstick joke on car talk once…

BeefHardcake October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I would donate a lot more to NPR if they had dick jokes.

No snark, really, I would. It'd be worth it to hear Ira Glass say something utterly filthy.

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I want my tote bag.

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

My "goddamn tote bag to take to your goddamn hippie co-op and in which you will carry your goddamn hippie organic vegetables.

endquote, also, too.

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Such as Uncle Obama's banana….

commiegirl99 October 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

YES THEY ARE COMING I swear to God! This week even!

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

If you're making them, I will send you muneez for a tote bag. How muchens?

commiegirl99 October 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

We will have an online store up in the next … three weeks maybe. It will have T-shirts and totes in time for Xmas.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

A beer cooler would be nice. I don't have any shit to tote, and I'm straight/male anyway.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm

They'll be running all the very best posts, at least for a little while.

Radiotherapy October 3, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I volunteer to man the Obama phones.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I work for the Air Force. I'll ask them if they want to advertise here. Maybe a little something extolling their abilities to ruin your wedding party anywhere in the world from Creech AFB, Nevada. I don't think there would be any point in running recruiting ads, given the demographic here.

BornInATrailer October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Why no recruitment? DADT was lifted.

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I've done my time.

Schmannnity October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Hellfire Missiles: When a simple "regrets" is not an adequate invitation response.

Dudleydidwrong October 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Am I too old to volunteer for the class war? Damn! Maybe I can roll bandages.

Not_So_Much October 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Can't you just tell them you need a new hammer and send Mistress the $30K instead?

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Hey, don't mention my butt cysts!!!

MittBorg October 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Rush? Rush Limbaugh, is that YOU? (pukes)

Baconzgood October 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I would pass this on to our AD Dept. But they spend millions to sell ketchup in the world already. Plus they just canned me (no pun intended) too also.

deanbooth October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Me too, Baconz. We got Bained today. They kept 16 out of 90 of us, for one year, anyway. I made the cut, but meh.

MOG2410 October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Ouch, they do good work, don't they?

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Bright side, you should soon be on the receiving end of all the office supplies you will ever need.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Me, I took the Aeron chair home.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

SHIT MAN!!! I am J-E-A-L-O-U-S. I have to admit I had to add a wing to my home to store the paper, staplers, Scotch tape, and writing implements I took, but … that is one swell crime.

deanbooth October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

But, but, but… my iPad!! I'll try to recreate it with sticky notes and paper clips.

Baconzgood October 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I wouldn't worry about it dude. They cut my Dept. and out s.'d it. I was lucky and got a new job and don't have to go through the carnage that will happen in the next 4-6 weeks. I feel bad for some of these other co workers. I got the gift for gab so sell really well. Some of these coworkers aren't so lucky. They stutter about NASCAR stats and hunting. Alot of the ones that can't BS in life will be stuck saying "would you like more fries with that". This includes some of the co workers that are in the same pay structure as me.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm

We benefit enormously from your gift of the gab, so I'm glad some capitalist will continue to subsidize it. Speaking as one with three business shut-downs to my credit, I haz a sad for your co-workers.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The last one of my three Bainings happened the VERY DAY Obama was elected. I know it sucks almost as much to be left with the clean up. As long as your salary is more than unemployment, which with cut-backs sometimes is barely the case. Good luck, friend.

MittBorg October 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Shit. So sorry, deanbooth. If you work in software, Silicon Valley is hiring (finally) again.

SnarkOff October 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I guess Kortney didn't love her vegetables enough?

Terry October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Did they run out of shocking videos?

widestanceromance October 3, 2012 at 3:41 pm

She was slapped with a gag order not to comment about this.

BornInATrailer October 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Let me be the first to say "tits or GTFO."

I_P October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Let me be the second to say "tits or GTFO."

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Ditto!

YouFail4eva October 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Oh fine. Third "Tits or GTFO"

rickmaci October 3, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Side boob counts.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

For half

sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I'll give you $5 for another round of Campell Brown.

iTuna October 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Seconded!

Blueb4sinrise October 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I suspect the Bureau of Wonkette Statistics is using a different metric.

…at least one third of them even have jobs!

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

over 650k unique human beings each month – Wonkette readers are born with an advanced degree and at least one third of them even have jobs!

Now I feel as if I should at least be wearing clothes when I post here.

MOG2410 October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Please don't, you'll be the only one.

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Hey, I'm wearing my bearcat slippers….

ChillBill October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

My company is sponsoring some 3rd rate has-been tennis player and my CEO bashes Barry on a daily basis. So yeah, we are right up there with the NRA and Chick-Fil-A.

sbj1964 October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

PBS at least sent me a tote bag.

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

At least a chicken to fuck would be nice.

Of course, YMMV.

deanbooth October 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Wonkette should give lightly salted rat dick bags.

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

and honorary TruckNutz

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Delivered by retards. Skull-fucking retards.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

No fair! I never get to say the fun stuff.

elviouslyqueer October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I only buy my penis supplements from the Wonkette-approved Amazon linky.

YOU'RE WELCOME, REBECCA.

MOG2410 October 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

And the v-jay jay supplements, where the hell are they????

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Needz moar Cash4Gold.

ThankYouJeebus October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Does clicking on the ads already there help? I try to make a practice of that several times a week.

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I never clicked on an ad in the newspaper before, so fuck if I'm going to start that nonsense.

Advertisers, lissen up: Don't look for clicks. Look for saturation. Get your word out, but make it effective. I am not clicking on links, because I only trust the websites I visit.

Trannysurprise October 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I used to only click on that hot guy from the gym. Sadly it never took me to porn.

widestanceromance October 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Naturally, I read that as 'only lick on' because I was thinking about him while reading this.

finallyhappy October 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I saw him in person – last year or the year before at the gay pride parade in DC- on the company's float- I think it was him or some other hot gym guy

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Hot gym guys all look alike. I prefer teh ghey that looks like Barney Frank.

kingofmeh October 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

for a while there, i was visiting electoral-vote.com by clicking through the link, even though i would've gone there daily anyway. i hope my extra clickthroughs helped in some minute way.

ps electoral-vote.com, if you're reading this, i'm pretty sure i first saw the ads for your site here.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Needz moar sideboob and Kortney!

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I must be getting old – whenever I see the word "sideboob" my first thought is Boo-Boo and/or Paul Ryan.

Schmannnity October 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Bring back Wonkette T-shirts. My Palin Apocalypse 2012 is fading.

Dr_Zoidberg October 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I would shop Wonkette.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I think the reason they didn't sell last time was not enough 2X and 3X sizes in stock.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Yes! I sleep in my Ts, so I prefer the Mack Truck size. If they aren't almost down to my elbows and knees, no go.

Crank_Tango October 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

That's what she said?

Allmighty_Manos October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

If not for Wonkette advertising, I would not have realized the widely known historic fact that John Wilkes Booth didn't act alone was "shocking.". Donate today!

Terry October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Booth used teleportation to go after Seward and Johnson, then make it to Ford's Theater to shoot Lincoln. He couldn't teleport out of Ford's theater because the teleporter's flux capacitor wouldn't properly recharge, which forced him to make his fateful leap down to the stage where he broke his leg. He ended up being chased through southern Maryland, hide out in Zekiah Swamp, and finally made it over to Virginia where Federal troops cornered him in a tobacco barn and shot and burned him. All because he didn't carry a back up flux capacitor. There are lessons to be learned from that, my friend.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Editrix, can you just link directly to the sex toys on amazon? They make them so hard to find.

emmelemm October 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

+1

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 4:02 pm

"That's what she said."

Incitefully_Joe October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Wonkette accepts most advertising short of total porn

Well if that's how you feel I will simply have to take my business elsewhere.

MOG2410 October 3, 2012 at 3:10 pm

"Full-blown", heh. Would love to advertise my extreme dislike of the current political atmosphere, but you're already doing that for me. And I work for a trade association run by the wrong side of the aisle (I get to be the token Dem) so no love there.

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"We can give you wild-eyed data that will prove or disprove any thesis you’ve got. "

Complete with Ezra Klein worthy charts or gtfo!!!

FakaktaSouth October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

If we could start buying free birth control and alcohol through the wonks I would be able to pay for this shit all by myself.

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Seriously, there should be Wonkette-branded liquor of some kind.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm

All liquor carries the Wonkette seal of approval.

mrpuma2u October 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Hey Fakakta is on to something here. Editrix, hire a little hillbilly gal to make Wonkette Whiskey. As in "She was just a little hillbilly gal, but he loved her still."

PsycWench October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Wonkette accepts most advertising short of total porn, penis supplements, and the NRA
May I humbly suggest that any ad that automatically starts up with sound be added to this list?

Nesnora October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I'll donate if my money only gets used for booze and political sex toys. Also— pix pluz.

sbj1964 October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The office coffee fund must be low,or their bartender has asked them to cover they're tab?

sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Dropping acid with Dave Weigel doesn't pay for itself.

Boojum October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Wait, did you say an ad will run more, like kissing, as in kissing costs more or is kissing is part of the cost of the ad? I'm asking for a friend.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

*rubbing hands together*

Totally getting a free ad out of this deal…

Preacher_Griz October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The Demon's Play Yard where Everything is for Sale.

northernbassist October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

So when I donated via PayPal, I selected 'services.' Y'all best commence yer servicin' immediamente.

I_P October 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Needz moar buttsecks.

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm

That costs more…

Baconzgood October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

NEEDZ MOAR LATINA WOMEN EATING CHILI PEPPERS. AND WONKBOT TOO ALSO.

mrpuma2u October 3, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Si, mas mamitas calientes con chiles y cervezas!!!!

wondering where i am October 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Wonkbot! Wonkbot! Wonkbot! He (she?) must have something to say about the debates. Maybe Wonkbot CAN debate. RMoney v. Wonkbot.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

How about the barter system? I have a bumper crop of zucchini this year.

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Kortney? Is you?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I have a bumper crop of zucchini this year.

I've been slapped for less than this!

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Call that blonde senate candidate in Nevada who pays her doctor with a chicken. She might go for your zucchini. I hear she has some time on her hands.

Crank_Tango October 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I was thinking I could trade a dong shot for one of editrix' jugs, but I suppose vegetables are just as good.

SayItWithWookies October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

TPM has a Romney banner running, which just goes to show you how valuable trolls can be.

Incitefully_Joe October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

We’ve executed astonishing campaigns for Livestrong, PBS Frontline and Fox Searchlight.

Not to mention that time we covered the entire website with Seimens.

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

We've never really stopped, to be fair.

mavenmaven October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Needz moar Koch Bros @$$-kissing

WhatTheHeck October 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Which old Rock n’ Roller will you get to perform on the Wonket so we can pay up?

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Eddie Money has two tickets to paradise … and he's shameless.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What? No tote bag, even???

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

And WTF is wrong with "total porn"?

Grief_Lessons October 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

She should start advertising partial porn, and increase as tolerated.

Ratinho_SBT October 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

not

emmelemm October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I know, look who suddenly has standards all of a sudden.

Dr_Zoidberg October 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Total porn is the only thing that gets me through the day.

Wadisay October 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Huh, no naked Campbell Brown?

And how would total porn be worse than that Peptol-Bismo colored "Choke" thing from a few years ago?

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Sure, get that 30% of the Wonkette employed down to 2% in a hurry….

Trannysurprise October 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I knew this would happen when Siemans started sponsoring "Life's a Tripp."

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I still miss the days the Wonkette was all covered in Siemens.

MissTaken October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

True, but it was Nuclear Aftershocks and Santorum that brought us together.

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Aw; and yes it was.

Ratinho_SBT October 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

hi

Katydid October 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Do you mean that I can slap a pic of myself on the Wonkette if I kiss you?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Why is wonkette not getting all of that sweet abortionplex marketing monies?!

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

If they don't pay up, we should quit talking about them.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

We offer both sponsored posts and a “Your Name Here” endowed chair on any beat you like

I'm rather well-endowed already, in and out of my chair.

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm

But is your chair well-endowed? For the merest of a baubles (probably a whore diamond), it could be.

Nothingisamiss October 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

pics or GT…wait…is this Anthony Weiner?

thefrontpage October 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Here's some suggested advertisers for Wonkette: Larry Flynt, Playboy, Rolling Stone, Budweiser, Jack Daniel's, Miller-Coors, Trojan, K-Y Jelly, Showtime, Jenna Jameson Productions, Scores, Camelot, Archibald's, Good Guys, Night Shift, The Gold Club, Greenpeace, PETA, The Takoma Park Civic Association, ACLU, NAACP, NARAL, AFL-CIO, UAW, and Mother Jones.

PsycWench October 3, 2012 at 3:26 pm

but not NAMBLA.

DerrickWildcat October 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

That guy is from my State!

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Brando forever, Amen.

GorzoTheMighty October 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

As was Mari Sandoz

Gorillionaire October 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Can I just buy an ad that says that "Funhouse" is the greatest album ever made?

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 3:18 pm

As a self-employed, legitimate, retro-active abortion doctor, I think I can convince the boss to advertise with your fine, wholesome organization.

emmelemm October 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm

If you're a retroactive abortion doctor, does that mean that you're actually a hitman?

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I specialize in preemptive births and Heisenberg's uncertainty principle.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Bruce Springsteen is doing abortions?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

We offer many types of ad shapes and sizes

36DD? With pasties?

MonkeyMotion October 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"In conclusion, give us all your money and shit."

Be careful for what you ask…

Mojopo October 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Awesome idea! OK, I'm in. Books. Paypal.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"We’ve surveyed more than 34,000 readers on hundreds of brands, causes and issues. We can give you wild-eyed data that will prove or disprove any thesis you’ve got."

Is that the survey that's on the side over there? —>
Yeah, I let my cat answer most of those.

Incitefully_Joe October 3, 2012 at 6:14 pm

HOLY SHIT I JUST LEARNED THAT 94% OF WONKETTERS LIVE IN NEW YORK

Joshua Norton October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Jeez Rebecca. There's always "Payday Loans" if you're really hard up. They're just waiting to drop bags of money in your lap. No questions asked.

At least that's what they advertise on my television machine 3,000 times a day.

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm

And they should be advertizing here!….Hobo beans for everyone!…

weejee October 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Not sure any Wonketeers want to buy a cup of rust, so it's not likely that our marketing department would see Wonkette as a potential engineering sales gold mine. That said all our beloved staff are directed that if heading to Amazon to buy inflatables (rafts you sillies) to click through teh Wonkette.

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'll check with Rick "Batboy" Scott and see if he's willing to part with some of his personal fortune to help out the site.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Someone or another here types the words Rick, Scott, or Batboy multiple times a day. He should be charged at least what the abortionplex people are paying.

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Well, I ain't got no moneyz for an ad or sponsored post or stuff like that, but I do sometimes buy stuff on Amazon.

I'll make sure to run through here first from now on … if I remember … which isn't guaranteed because I have some memory issues and … uh … what the fuck was I typing about?

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I've lurked Wonkette for a while, and just recently decided to neglect responsibilities to incessantly comment, so am I exempt from this message?

Oblios_Cap October 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

No. Consider it an intiation fee.

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Aw, man. Can't I just get paddled instead?

Dudleydidwrong October 3, 2012 at 3:58 pm

That, too, also. ("Get the paddling blondes ready!")

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"neglect responsibilities to incessantly comment,"

Welcome to Baldar World!!!

Schmannnity October 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Marketing? Why didn't Ken think of that?

Will_Panic October 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

How much PayPal cash would I need to donate to get a dirty e-mail from Rebecca?

hagajim October 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I get too much of this crap from PBS (just kidding). I will figure something out to help the Wonkette. Need to buy dirty book from Amazon anyway.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Buy it from Powell's if they have it. It's an employee-owned business. Soshulism!!

hagajim October 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

But I can walk into Powells to buy it.

Jukesgrrl October 4, 2012 at 12:33 am

Lucky you!And afterward you can read your book in the rose garden.

Serolf_Divad October 3, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm not sure I've ever bought anything that I didn't see advertised on Wonkette first. And I'm a rich millionaire that likes to buy all sorts of expensive stuff like diamonds and mink coats and remote controlled helicopters and stuff with my yearly bonuses and stock options and such and so forth. So please, if you're an advertiser and are reading this, take out an ad on Wonkette. :-)

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

What about the skin secret lady that doctors in my town all hate? Or is she here already, just blocked by my USAF server's chastity belt?

Woodshedding October 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

You reign supreme, but I hate to tell you, Livestrong has been infiltrated by big corporate interests, like Susan G Komen (now Race for the Cure, NOT prevention, since the majority now on the BOD got there via big donations footed by the big Pharma corp(s) whose biggest sellers are chemo, therefore they need women to keep getting cancer so they can get "cured" by drugs which, it turns out, kill more than they save, but hey, by that time whose fault is THAT? If you'd felt yourself up in the shower better, you woudn't have gotten cancer in the first place, bitch).

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Cynical, snide, bitter, yet true +1

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

The evil people are the ones we WANT to advertise here. Who better to give our Editrix moniez? I say go for KBR, drone manufacturers, and phones that give us ear cancer.

Mittaplasia October 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

…Ah ain't been on this dadburned websight for one stinkin' week and some money-grubbin' soshalists are already trying to get mah hard-earned money to buy crack and gawd knows what else? Us poors just can't catch a break. Robme/2012.

Incitefully_Joe October 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I did want to say earlier: Willkommen, and also as someone who works for an oncology hospital, your username is kinda awesome.

Mittaplasia October 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Thank you; I am looking forward to the cure on November 6th. Now time do do Paypal thingy.

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Bring back the Snorg girl!

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I think our Editrix was the Snorg girl.

AbandonHope_ October 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I've disabled my ad blocker on Wonkette. This is a big fuckin' deal for me, but if any website on the face of the planet deserves ad revenue, it's this one. I only ask that you keep 'em SFW, so I can continue to browse during breaks / waiting for compiles / attempts not to go completely batshit insane from the total lack of camaraderie, organization, focus or morale around here.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I have AdBlockPlus. I can disable it for ONE SITE? Instructions, pretty please. I would do that.

AbandonHope_ October 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Piece of cake. If you're using it on Chrome, like I do, all you have to do is click the little red "ABP" icon on the right-hand side of the address bar, and then uncheck the "Enabled for this site" box that appears. It will either turn grey, or turn into a green circle. Then reload — and voila.

Jukesgrrl October 4, 2012 at 12:32 am

I use Firefox, but I'll give that a try.And I could always ask Firefox if I can't figure it out.Thanks for the tip.

sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Any one need a reverse mortgage?

AbandonHope_ October 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Yes. Please reverse mine back into positive territory.

Mittaplasia October 3, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Um, no, but an inverted margarita would be good about right now…it's 5:00 somewhere!

sudsmckenzie October 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

This is Wonkette, "its 11 am somewhere".

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

But can we please have Robert Wagner and not that tool Fred "I'm an idiot but I play smart on TV" Thompson?

Boojum October 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Or a reverse cowgirl?

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

That costs extra, like kissing.

Woodshedding October 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh hey though, for those of us who have nothing to advertise, it does help you guys if we simply click on ads, right? Let's all remember to do that. Only takes a second to click-and-return. I always forget, sorry!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I've always thought wonkette needed more wierd looking people trying to refinance their mortgages.

gullywompr October 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Well, I guess we've had this date with each other from the beginning.

coolhandnuke October 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Just institute one of those office cuss funds for the Wonkette and within a week you'll be rich and the rest of us will be poor.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Fuck that shit!

Ratinho_SBT October 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

you guys are crazy?

RuinedLiver October 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hurry up and contribute or she'll steal the money out of your brother's wedding envelopes.

commiegirl99 October 3, 2012 at 3:54 pm

hahahaha I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

Ratinho_SBT October 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

We post new

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

How dada.

Antispandex October 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"…and at least one third of them even have jobs! "

Jobs? What is this strange thing you write of? Jobs? We know not jobs!

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'm assuming Gay Porn is cool? This is the site that launched a thousand buttsechses after all.

finallyhappy October 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm

My next Amazon purchase will be through you- but don't tell that I am buying anxiety books

rocktonsam October 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Can't Clint Eastwood pitch in for cripes sake?

BeefHardcake October 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I'm way too far down in the pecking order at my giant, bloodless, soulless company to influence advertising decisions. Boo.

BAKE SALE, THOUGH!

fuflans October 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

if i could afford it, i would buy a 'hire me' ad.

Jukesgrrl October 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

That Rachel Maddow woman is always quoting Teh Wonket. Has SHE paid up?

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I don't see any ads on my screen. Haz the Wonkette stepped in something again?

glamourdammerung October 3, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Wonkette accepts most advertising short of total porn, penis supplements, and the NRA.

Define "total porn".

Naked_Bunny October 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

The Drudge Report?

Veritas78 October 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

A PayPal button is so easy to set up that you could do it dead drunk, Rebecca.

Naked_Bunny October 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

What the hell is "wonkette"? Is that, like, the sound of clown sex?

decentcitizen October 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I give an offering at church seeking forgiveness. I guess I could throw some coin Wonks way for the things for which I seek forgiveness.

Guppy October 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

You want clickies? Suggest to your sponsors that they try to include a Flash-based driving game.

iamrrm October 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Do you get any money when people complete the "What Do You Think?" surveys on the right? I have been known to get stuck in a question answering loop over there for what seems like hours. Somebody aught to benefit from my survey blackouts.

ttommyunger October 4, 2012 at 12:19 am

You have my undying love and admiration, aside from that, you're shit out of luck.

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That really grinds my gears.

mrpuma2u October 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

No wonketeer undies? *makes sad face with pouty lower lip*

KeepFnThatChicken October 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

<3… you said "Xmas"

MittBorg October 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yay! I need to augment my MONSTROSO collection of 7,500 teeshirts which I will be dead long before I wear them out already. Please send me teeshirts for which I will send you, foolishly, much munniez which you will only blow getting drunk with all yon two-legged *mobile* Wonketteerz.

I'm NOT bitter!

HistoriCat October 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Who knew wonketeers wore undies?

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