As you are doubtless already aware, Tucker Carlson and friends unleashed a nuclear bomb last night, yo, with President Kunta Kinte being RACIAL by acknowledging that poverty and race have long been intertwined in America, and that the government has not been really proactive about it, and then all the vile libtards fainted and had seizures. But who has declined a commission in Tucker’s Army? None other than Not Doocy, the squinty one who smells like date rape! Barack Obama hasn’t governed racistly in the past three and a half years, Not Doocy? You sure you don’t want to reconsider? Guess Mitt Romney’s people, while declining to denounce the story in public, have sent out the word.


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  • tbogg

    Wait. Has Gretchen Carlson been replaced by a younger hotter trophy co-host?

    • sullivanst

      Is there any conceivable reason I should care?

    • She's having an emergency procedure done. Doctors found small pieces of brain in her head.

      • gullywompr

        My word! If they find any vestiges of a dick in either of the two male anchors, the show will have to be cancelled!

    • memzilla

      She could be replaced by the Svedka Vodka robot.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Most baffling ad campaign in a generation.

    • Terry

      This one doesn't stare quite as much as Carlson and goes a little easier on the false eyelashes.

      • gullywompr

        Easier on the eyeballs also too.

    • l_boogie

      So, they have Tucker on and Gretchen is mysteriously absent? Let me ponder on this.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Definitely someone with a smaller, less terrifying forehead.

    • SorosBot

      Maybe she violated her Fox contract by aging, like one of Trump's wives.

      • Gleem McShineys

        I think she's been disappeared, just like Kilmeade's going to be, now that he's gone and said something slightly positive toward Obama.

        Doocy won't even notice the change.

  • Shorter Carlson response: "Kilmeade? Kill YOU!" ¹

    ¹(with votes)

  • ghblowhard

    I still haven't gotten a CNN update about this "Bombshell" video in my email.

  • l_boogie

    Ol' Brian "Racial Purity" Kilmeade is still on clean up duty from that whole marrying-other-species accidental moment of saying what most of Fox News clearly believes.

    • mrpuma2u

      Well he doesn't wanna marry them, but he doesn't wanna mess up his chances for a little dark wild honey either. He is snubbing Tuck to keep his date rape diversity options open.

  • So Not Doocy thought the stunning new tape wasn't all that stunning or new, or even, shockingly, pertinent. Where's my pearls.

  • memzilla

    "Hello, Fresh Direct? Yes, I need to have several bags of lightly salted poison rat dicks delivered immediately? You can? Great, here's my Amex number. You take the Blah Card, right?"

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Don't play the blah card. They hate it when you play the blah card.

  • sudsmckenzie

    This "forbidden, not secret" tape is reminding me of Caddy Shack II, we all know its there, but we wont watch it cause it tarnishes the classic.

    • Biff

      So we've got that going for us, which is nice…

    • prommie

      Its nice that Rodney got to cash in a bit, though.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Brian Kilmeade is going to get waterboarded by Roger Ailes.

  • gullywompr

    That Kilmeade guy sure is reasonable and thoughtful. I like him!

  • gullywompr

    Boy, that Kilmeade guy sure is reasonable and thoughtful! I like him!

    (Secret Plan: If enough of us libs say that, he's toast)

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I'm assuming the caption at the bottom about a "stunning new tape" is referring to Doocy or Kilmeade saying something half way intelligent cause the tape that came out last night is as new as my 2007 Mustang and has more miles on it.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    To be fair, we have been waiting FIVE AND A HALF YEARS for someone to point out, verbally, openly, loudly, that Obama is black… so yes, this is our October surprise.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Some people did try to use the video back then but nobody gave a fuck about it then either.
      Couple of my Con friends here at work are embarrassed by this shit.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Embarrassed, you say? Conservatives…?
        Surely you mean they are embarrassed because someone on FOX sounded reasonable?

    • pdiddycornchips

      Just wait until Dr. Jerome Corsi drops his Obama ghey sex tape. Cocktober is just getting started.

    • An_Outhouse

      Did you hear? He fathered black children too!

  • MacRaith

    Ah, but the key phrase is that President Obama hasn't governed racistly in the last three and a half years. Everybody (and by "everybody", I mean hard-core wingnuts) knows that the gloves will come off the day after Obama steals the election. Just you wait, white folks. Just you wait.

    • Biff

      Yep. The mere fact that he's done absolutely none of the things they all feared is all the proof they need that he will ban guns and nationalize the energy and auto industries on day one of his second term.

    • DCBloom

      Personally, I'm hoping he goes full on Blah and wears a dashiki to the inauguration

    • docterry6973

      Obama has always played a long game. Remember, his Manchurian Candidate handlers faked his birth certificate back in 1961 just so they could elect him in 2008 just so they could re-elect him in 2012, and then unleash all the fiends in hell to destroy America forever. You could look it up.

  • So even suggesting (5 years ago) that the Bush response to Katrina might have been different if just maybe most of the residents under water had looked more like Palin's "real America" is a bombshell?

    • YasserArraFeck

      Easier to see their luminous white faces looking up from the depths. The blacks were so hard to see, it was as if they didn't want to be helped….

    • PubOption

      There would not have been the same need for help. White people can swim.

  • BornInATrailer

    Too dumb for a man who toasts marshmallows with his fingers and/or a plastic utensil.

    Setting the bar pretty high there.

  • National Geographic is blue light reporting on the finding of a Tuckersaurus. Unfortunately in the photog that accompanies the article, the hand holding the model of the head blocks the signature bow tie. This is a parrot-headed, porcupine-quilled, vampire-fanged member of genus malodorous flimflamius

    • eggsacklywright

      Tuckersaurus – it's the white meat in your tv dinner.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Looks like chicken. Tastes like…..ugh, I don't want to know..

    • Nostrildamus

      Guest of honor at the this year's Coulter family reunion.

  • sbj1964

    Fucker Carlson has not been the same since the Black Muslims took away his stupid bow tie.

  • Baconzgood

    I couldn't play this for some reason so I can't snark on these douche bags….But….

    Unrelated to this post. Baconz only has 8 days at his old jerb and will start his new jerb in 12. All my "back log" is finished and my clients informed of the new place I'm working at if they wanna follow Baconz to his new jerb. The are canning or moving people to other departments by the min. Anywho I came into work at 12:00 and I've been drinking before I came in here. I have nothing to do but look at porn and snark now….and drink. I should have gone to the baseball game.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    • GregComlish

      congratulations on drinking at work!

    • eggsacklywright

      Parfait. And Kudos. And congrats.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Living the dream, my friend. Living the dream.

    • I played it, and wish I'd known there'd be so much Tucker. Blech…

      Good luck on your new job! Sounds like you're getting out just in time.

      Who's your local baseball team?

      • Baconzgood

        The losing losers. The Pirates. The went under .500 for the last 20 years. I don't care if they win or lose….I just like watching baseball, eating apple pie and fucking. I'm an American USA USA USA.

    • UW8316154

      They are *caning* people? Isn't that a bit harsh?

    • mrpuma2u

      Start a baseball game at work.

    • sudsmckenzie

      Are you Pete Campbell?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Are you a jerb creator?
      Will you hire all of us unenjerbed?

      • Baconzgood

        No richer people than me creator jerbs. I just train interns how to snark.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I can't watch porn here at work. Since you're not doing anything constructive, how bout you give us a little play-by-play?

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        Try midget porn. It only uses half the bandwidth so most IT departments are cool with it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Good luck Bacon! I am at home on lunch "taking a nap".

    • Biff

      Way to pull the ladder up behind you, Baconz!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I discovered by accident (well, sorta) that throwing up on the boss's desk on the last day of the job is a classy way of dealing with the mandatory HR evaluation.

    • Boojum

      Canned people….yum.

  • Be sure to tune in tomorrow morning to Fox & Friends, when this distinguished panel will appear:

    We'll break down the results from the crucial first presidential debate with Ann Coulter, Rick Santorum, Michelle Malkin and Larry the Cable Guy

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Good, they'll have at least one sane analyst.

    • Larry the Cable Guy is the genius of that bunch.

    • MacRaith

      I hope Larry does his analysis in character as Tow Mater. Because nothing else would make me want to watch this.

      Actually, not even that would make me want to watch this. Never mind.

    • HempDogbane

      Nope, not going to tune in. I've never seen this show and based on that list of analysts I'm thinking it doesn't really exist and is just an elaborate prank.

    • AbandonHope_

      Jesus Christ. If there ever was a time to use one of those drone thingys people keep yammering about…

      (Ob: With votes or whatever, I don't care, those people are wastes of skin)

  • StealthMuslin

    Wow, that was like watching that little Borg kid decide his name was "Hugh."
    Of course the other Borg straightened him out later…

    • eggsacklywright

      They told him his real name was Warner.

    • YasserArraFeck

      They "voted" him off The Collective

    • SorosBot

      Other way around; he corrupted the other Borg in that collective with thoughts of individuality, allowing Lore to take them over. Yes, I know a lot of us would like to pretend "Descent" never happened, along with a lot of the rest of Season 7, but it's still there.

      • bflrtsplk

        Season 7 NEVER happened. Understand?

        • SorosBot

          But what about "Parallels", "Lower Decks" and of course "All Good Things…"? Yeah, there's a lot of crap like Dr. Crusher having sex with a ghost that also sexed up her grandmother, but there is some good in there too.

    • Barrelhse

      They water-Borged him.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    This is BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [Also, I don't think I've seen video of Fucker C. maybe since he was on MSNBC , is it possible that he's derpier more now than ever?]

    • Trinket

      Oddly, losing the bowtie DID make him derpier.

  • They all skreeed about the same speech 5 Years Ago.

    The best thing about amnesia: You're always meeting new people.

    • oenspiek

      And, gosh, you only really need one suspense novel!

    • Esteev

      I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's!

  • Everybody just take a slow breath and wait for Brian to make his retraction. He probably just stated it inelegantly, or missed the punctuation on the teleprompter. What he meant was that President Obama has not governed, and has been racist about it.

    "Barack Obama has not governed, racistly."

  • ThundercatHo

    Not govern racistly? You've got to be kidding me. Shit, there's watermelons growing all over the front lawn of the white house.

    • oenspiek


      • Esteev

        GRAPE SODA LIBEL!!1!

      • Boojum

        I love fried chicken, watermelon, and grape soda. Can I have my race card now?

    • pdiddycornchips

      How can they even say that? The man popped a cap in Osama Bin Laden! Can't get more gangsta thug.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I know you are right because I have seen pictures of these watermelons. Even here at Wonkette.

  • I liked the part of the video where the guy with the yellow suit has a dance off in the parking garage…..
    Did I watch the wrong racist video?

    • UW8316154

      Gangnam style!

    • mavenmaven

      안녕, 인종 차별, 조심해!

    • Mahousu

      Yeah, but they both feature Noh Hongchul humping, so you're pretty close.

  • GuanoFaucet

    And here I thought Kilmeade was dumber than this.

  • Fox n Fiends

    When the October Surprise is really a Great Pumpkin

    • Since Tucker, Hannity, and Drudge are all such dicks, doesn't that mean this is still a Cocktober Surprise?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    His name is not Kunta Kinte, it is Tobama.

  • GregComlish

    Breaking News! Obama just signed the Where The White Women Act of 2012

  • a_pink_poodle

    Et tu, Brian Kilmeade?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Barack Obama hasn’t governed racistly in the past three and a half years"

    Not that you know about, anyway…

  • WhatTheHeck

    My, my. What a frightened bunch of people.

    • Esteev

      You'd be frightened too if you were white!

  • Callyson

    Now, I can think of several times when we liberals have talked about using code words to express racial sentiments ("welfare queen" for example), and being shouted down by the wingnuts who accuse us of bringing race into every issue. But now that Obama talks about how the people of New Orleans were neglected, and the right wants to say that Obama really means black people, talking about coded language is OK?


  • ThankYouJeebus

    Remind me, when is the Mayan apocalypse scheduled?

    • Sue4466

      Not soon enough.

  • LibrarianX

    I always forget – is Kilmeade the smart one?

    • Usually he is the dumb one…the guy they hired to make Doocy look brighter by comparison. (Like the WaPo hiring Jennifer Rubin for Krauthammer, Will, Gerson, Thiessen, Hiatt, etc.)

      This is an incredibly rare exception.

    • mrpuma2u

      By smart, do you mean with the pointiest head?

    • FNMA

      That's akin to being, as Mike Royko once observed, the tallest midget in the circus.

    • Esteev

      No, you're thinking of the couch.

  • Schmannnity

    Kilmeade thought they were referring to him as The Stunning New Ape and he was just being modest.

  • Wow, FOX News is in Message Disarray! I never thought I'd live to see it.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      …Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
      Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
      The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
      The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
      The best lack all conviction, while the worst
      Are full of passionate intensity.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Go way, Yeatin'!

  • In other news, tomorrow Brian will be telling us what Room 101 looks like.

    • CthuNHu

      There is no such person as "Brian Kilmeade." There has never been any such person as "Brian Kilmeade."

  • memzilla

    O/T to Editrix: Caption Contest!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Generic chips, generic human."

    • MissTaken

      "Who knew robots could fart?"

    • SorosBot

      A taco shop? But I thought Mormons weren't allowed to dip their mouths onto tacos.

      • MissTaken

        They make burritos, too, where the good stuff is covered up and protected by a magic tortilla making them okay for the Mormons to wrap their lips around.

    • Esteev

      "There ain't no way I'm huggin' this muthafucka."

      [Edit: this is Romney speaking. I'm not racistly.]

    • proudgrampa

      "Who dat?"

    • Gleem McShineys

      "This guy thinks sour cream is salsa for Mormons"

    • shelwood46

      Meet my new White Friend *.

      * TM Colbert.

  • mavenmaven

    It still says "stunning new tape" on the banner, all 3 of those words being false (well, maybe "tape" is true)
    Perhaps for this trio it should read "Stunted New Gape"

  • MissTaken

    How exactly would one govern racistly? Does it involve federally subsidies on watermelon and fried chicken? Changing the National Anthem to "N*****S in Paris"? I'm confused.

    • JustPixelz

      One way would be to require voter ID that non-whites are less likely to have. Another would be to "broaden the tax base" so lower-income people — who tend to have non-white skin — have less pocket money and hobo beans. Another would be to defund Head Start. Also only asking people to prove they are citizens if they look "foreign".

  • PsycWench

    Wait til Rush Limbaugh finds out about this.

  • Crank_Tango

    Man, I just hate that Moe Rocca fucker.

  • thefrontpage

    Tucker Carlson is a dickbag.

    • Esteev

      That has been circumcised quite a few times too.

  • Poindexter718

    People are asking if Brian Kilmeade has gone off his meds.

    • Esteev

      I think he finally started taking the recommended dosage.

  • larrykat

    I think all of Rebecca's "date rape" characterizations of him are hitting home! Prepare for that magic phone call from Brian, Rebecca. Just make sure you always keep track of your own drinks.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      In order to prevent the introduction of date rape drugs, you should consider having all your drinks served to you in a sippy cup.

  • SorosBot

    More fish for Kunta!

  • thefrontpage

    Updated Dictionary Items, as of 11/3/12–Webster's/Oxford/American Heritage Association of Dictionary Publishers.

    fertilizer — a stinking pile of excrement, waste, sewage, crap, shit. Other terms for these words: Fox News, Tucker Carlson, Roger Ailes, Doocy, Rivera, Wallace, Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter, Limbaugh, Malkin, Jackson, Norris, Nugent, Heaton, Rove, Perrino, Card, Bolton, Fleisher, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Miers, Gonzales.

  • Esteev

    You know things are bad when a moron can see through the facade.

  • chascates

    Tucker Carlson wears bow-ties just like those fellows in the Nation of Islam. Just sayin'.

  • prommie

    Fuck you know they know Romney is toast. The GOP media machine is already gearing up for the traditional second-term democratic president spurious impeachment ceremony!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Sigh. There hasn't been an Obama bombshell like this since the last time Orly Taitz filed some court papers.

  • If only they knew Obama's REAL name: Blackity El Negro bin Blackerson Le Noir Plastique.

    Or Black Dynamite for short.

  • chascates

    Obama is not only an angry black man he's also gay: <a href="” target=”_blank”>
    In his latest “report” for WorldNetDaily, Corsi ponders whether Obama joined Jeremiah Wright’s church in order to meet other men at “The Down Low Club,” all confirmed by a source identified as “Carolyn,” who said Wright “helped Obama hide his homosexuality” and warned that people may have been killed to cover-up Obama’s dark, gay past.

    • docterry6973

      Does Sheriff Joe know about this?

  • Cleopatriot

    Do they really want us to remember George Bush?

  • TRAITOR!1! THIS IS THE MOST CRAVEN, COWARDLY BETRAYAL SINCE "No Ma'am, he's a decent family man citizen, and I just happen to have disagreements with him on fundamental issues and that's what this campaign is all about…"!!!1!1!1!

  • owhatever

    In another stroke of genius, by playing up the "shout out" to Jeremiah Wright, they have let the religious cat out of the bag. Opens the door for a serious October surprise. Didn't they remember that their candidate is a Moron? I mean, Mormon? Personal planets, sister-wives, golden plates underground in New York, and the Garden of Eden being in Missouri and all that?

    • shelwood46

      As mentioned last night, Joan Walsh at Salon got the most precious thing tweeted at her:" If Mitt Romney had been sitting in a racist church for 20 years, don't you think it would be a big deal?"

  • ElPinche

    Kunta Kinte/Geordi Laforge 2012

  • HeadsIWin

    Fox is in the tank for Obama now.
    By definition, this cant' be good –
    for anyone but John McCain.

  • Trinket

    Oooh, Brian gets a gold star!

  • Gnatsum

    I am shocked! Shocked I tell you – that our negro president would imply that all races are not treated equally in this great country. Why, the government has done nothing but look after these people. Many a time I, myself, have allowed thirsty itenerant darkies to drink from my garden hose. But no more. Not with this ungrateful attitude.

  • DahBoner

    Stunning New Tape

    I am SPARTICLE???

  • 'divisive'? that's it? that's what they're going with now?

    stick with 'teleprompters' kids. at least it gives the wingtards something to joke about in excruciatingly bad ways,

  • TribecaMike

    As the shrinks say, sometimes a negro is just a negro.

  • ttommyunger

    Two Twerps and a Twat say what?

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