do you speak jive?

Tucker Carlson Wants You To Enlist In Race War Against Jive-Talking President

We are sorry to all the vile lefties who visit this site, but your precious Barack Obama is toast, man. He’s done. Having clearly become tired of waiting for the Romney Camp to do a GAME CHANGE its own inept self, Matt Drudge and Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took it upon themselves to release shocking never-before-seen-or-reported-on video of the “president” talking like a common negro about Katrina and poverty and the LA Riots. (We are sure the Romney campaign is just thrilled with them.) How unreported was this story? Well, here is your Wonkette’s story reporting on it at the time. And how does Tucker Carlson know it was unreported back then (in 2007)? That’s easy. He knows it wasn’t reported on then, he told Sean Hannity, because he reported on it then. If anything, it just makes too much sense! But are the boys trying to stir up a race war? Well, rather baldly if Tucker’s declaration last night “This isn’t a dog whistle; this is a dog siren” is any indication. So did his cohort rush to enlist? What do you think?

The above tweet is from John Hawkins. You may remember him from all of end of last week, when he wrote that hilarious column about how Mitt Romney just cannot stop saving people’s lives! And the Romney campaign, pathetically, put it on their own website! What could go wrong when you are posting shit from people who write at Stormfront starter drug Townhall.com? Well, a few days later, they could tweet that a white woman voting for the president is like a black woman voting for the KKK, for starters. (And by “could,” we mean “DEFINITELY WILL, EVERY TIME.”)

So that happened. In the meantime, Daily Caller cub reporter Matthew Boyle was taking to the Tweeter to post grand, stirring Pattonesque twats about how Daily Caller would never give up, never surrender!

Can’t you just hear the string section swelling?

Meanwhile again, the video ignited accusations of racism from Michelle Malkin and Twitchy to the vile left, just like Matt Drudge predicted!

What are Twitchy’s first two examples of the vile left’s vicious racism? Oh, this:

You are not allowed to laugh at Matt Drudge, you guys! Stop being vicious and mean!

As Twitchy reported earlier, Matt Drudge has been teasing the unveiling of a tape purporting to show Barack Obama engaging in a 40-minute racially-charged rant. Progressives, feeling compelled to defend the president against his own words, are already attempting damage control in anticipation of the big reveal, dismissing Drudge’s story as a big, fat nothingburger.

Some leftists aren’t content to stop there. They’re putting Drudge firmly in their crosshairs, accusing Drudge of racist sensationalism and smearing him as a bigot. When in doubt, play the race card:

Then she posts a bunch of mockery from such noted race hustlers as Matt Yglesias and Dave Weigel. Because it is absolutely true that to certain people, who are racist, pointing out that something is racist is the most racist you can be. (This Buzzfeed story on the topic is interesting and very well-done and features Tucker Carlson spitting racist nails.)

Boyle and Carlson and Twitchy and the crew have convinced themselves that the vile left is wetting its pants in terror over these revelations; this seems belied by the fact that out of the couple dozens of vile leftist tweets Twitchy posts, only two are earnestly outraged and the rest are just cold laughing their asses off.

Great job, you guys. Total game change. We’re sure the Romney camp is super grateful right now.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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209 comments

    1. Terry

      Well, Barbara herself did point out that the shelters in Houston were actually a move up for the New Orleans evacuees.

  1. PsycWench

    Brought to you by the same people who insisted that the left was absolutely terrified of Sarah Palin.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Actually, the left was terrified of her offspring in the white House.
      Thank god, they ended up on the tv instead.

    2. BlueStateLibel

      You bring back fond memories when I was repeatedly told that libs like me were ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of Sarah Palin, those were good days.

    3. Mittaplasia

      I was getting very fearful for awhile thinking that any minute I could be the victim of a laughter-induced seizure.

    4. vodkamuppet

      Yes, we feared the day when Sarah Palin would stop being a hilarious joke and our fears are realized. She's like Napolean Dynamite now, funny years ago but makes you want to stab someone for referencing it.

      1. prommie

        Is Borat over like that too? Cause I still love Borat. Bob Barr eating the wife-milk cheese, hilarious!

        1. vodkamuppet

          No. Borat is still funny because those dumb frat boys in the RV perfectly illustrate what is wrong with our country.

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          I'm sorry, but you can't make a movie as bad as daybreak. It's like airplane, a duster movie loaded with cliches, but played straight.

  2. Barbara_

    I wonder if Tucker will announce that today is the 20th anniversary of when Barack and Michelle "jumped the broom?"

    Happy anniversary to the President and the First Lady!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      It appears to also be at least the sixth anniversary of Sheer InSannity jumping the shark. Over the Obamas. As it were.

    2. Terry

      The debate is scheduled on their 20th wedding anniversary? I wonder why the debate had to be tonight and not, say, tomorrow.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Well, I don't know about the rest of you but in our house and marriage Wednesday night was never for sex. It was for our scheduled debate. Generally about Houseland issues.

    1. PsycWench

      Indeed, I would say that this story underscores Romney's campaign problems. When this is the kind of defense you have, you're in serious trouble.

    1. eggsacklywright

      Tucker – brought to you by Swanson.

      "TV dinners by the pool,
      I'm so glad I finished skool."

  3. actor212

    MEMO

    TO: Tucker Carlson

    FROM: actor212

    Y'know, Tuck, I know a little about journalism and reporting. When you read a transcript of prepared remarks and then go on the air and comment on a "speech," you aren't reporting, you're repeating.

    So you didn't "cover" the speech. "Covering" an event means at LEAST turning on C-Span and watching what passes for television covering an event. That's what many journalists, real journalists, do: they read along with the prepared remarks, ticking off what they hear against what they read, then pay attention to the bits that weren't pre-fed to them.

    I understand it's a lot less cumbersome to just take a faxed handout and call it news…goodness knows that's what you and your ilk call "reporting" these days…

    BUT IT'S NOT FUCKING COVERAGE, YOU BOW-TIED AARDVARK TURD!

    1. Esteev

      Do you think this new "bombshell" will help Tuck get a new show? How about:

      "Cross Eyed"
      "Daily Diatribe"
      "Race to the Bottom"

  4. Typodong3

    Talk about job creators! They are creating an entire industry of false outrage before our very eyes! On a lighter note: Chump dont want no help chump dont get dick help!

  5. arihaya

    Tucker must be very desperate for attention right now. Even Jimmy Carter's peanut chewing grandson is doing better journalism than him.

  6. Nesnora

    Guys I don't get it— they just want him to be pulled over for being black while President, gawd!

  7. Bezoar

    Maybe these guys are secretly leftist plants? Agents provocateurs? Isn't that at least as plausible as taking them as sincere? I mean….

    1. ShuCityRefugee

      That was my immediate response! Why else would they choose to remind a forgetful nation about the Republicans' response to Hurricane Katrina, and how it disgusted everybody with a beating heart.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    What's awesome is how Tucker & Co. (that's their clothing catalog name) try to portray a speech given in a stadium by a US senator, with a transcript delivered to the press beforehand and which got the standard coverage at the time as some sort of manifesto delivered in a dark basement by trenchcoat-wearing Trotskyites using invisible ink. Oh dear — we want more money for education and social programs — they're onto us, Ivan — now we'll just have to bomb Iran to distract them from our evil plot.

    1. prommie

      Yes, next Tucker will expose Obama's annual super-secret speech he gives to Congress every January!

  9. a_pink_poodle

    Pshaw, typical. The whites and blacks get to have their race war games, what about us Asians?! Do we just sit on the side lines and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for the victor to emerge, weakened and vulnerable and unknowingly waiting for our coup de grace?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I'd suggest making constructive use of your time by sharpening your katana. I'm sure a Yellow Peril panic is somewhere on the horizon.

    2. SorosBot

      You just sit there and be good quiet model minorities so a certain class of white men can point to you and say, "see, blacks and Latinos, why can't you be more like them?" and some creepy misogynist libertarian engineering types can try to exclusively date women of your race because of the stereotype that they're all submissive and subservient.

      1. a_pink_poodle

        I'm tired of being the good quiet model minority! I want to punch people's faces too and not with kung fu either! Nothing fancy, no gimmicks, just my fist rapidly accelerating into someone's face. Is that too much to ask?

    3. Redgyal

      The other option is to pick a side now but act like you're caught in the middle. That way no one would know who you are secretly supporting. Sneaky that way.

  10. SorosBot

    " Progressives, feeling compelled to defend the president against his own words"

    No, because his words were perfectly normal and don't need defending; we were mocking Drudge for making such a big deal out of nothing, and attacking the racists for being giant race-baiting racists. But thanks for playing!

  11. prommie

    Watching Tucker's long, slow, excruciating fall from his never-deserved one-time quasi-celebrity is the freude that keeps on schadening.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      He wears belts and suspenders AND bow ties. What does THAT do to the whole getting knocked up thing? I think it has to do with butt stuff.
      ALso, a woman voting for the GOP is like anyone voting for the GOP.
      Fucking retarded.
      I wanted to say that word under you for the first time I ever did, particularly, for some reason.

      1. prommie

        You can say anything you would like under me, any time, my dear. Hmm, retarded, huh? Like blacked out?

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    "We will continue to investigate the president at the daily caller. We will not falter. We will not fail. Truth must come out about this adminstration."

    Your move, Winston Churchill.

  13. Tundra Grifter

    Tucker Carlson, Matt Sludge, Sheer InSannity – Fifty Shades of Blinding Fish Belly Whiteness.

  14. SorosBot

    And yes, we are shitting our pants afraid of these revelations wingnuts, just like we were so scared of Sarah Palin back in the day. That giggling sound you here from progressives? They're muffled screams of terror. Really.

    1. prommie

      Please, please, whatever you do, don't throw us in that briar patch.

      Funny though isn't it, that was some fucking racist shit, that uncle remus shit.

      1. MosesInvests

        Yes and no. Those were actual West African folktales (modified). The presentation, though, was racist as hell.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    Yo, Tucker, get in the kitchen and make me a TV dinner, ya whiny little bitch. Banquet brand, not that Swanson shite.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      I think I'd like a nothingburger, actually.
      This shitburger they've keep serving is fucking nasty.

  16. WhatTheHolyHeck

    "In the meantime, Daily Caller cub reporter Matthew Boyle was taking to the Tweeter to post grand, stirring Pattonesque twats about how Daily Caller would never give up, never surrender!"

    By Grabthar's hammer, we shall be avenged.

  17. Reginald_Perrin

    Hawkins is no ordinary right wing racist asshole, he is also a religious right wing racist asshole who has a fetish for Jeebus walked on sand.

    John Hawkins
    ‏@johnhawkinsrwn
    I keep sand from the Sea of Galilee on my keychain. No biblical reason. Just like having sand from where Jesus walked pic.twitter.com/ydsC2rC0

  18. Jus_Wonderin

    Okay, I am a white man, but all these "stories" about Obama can't do anything but backfire against their intended goal. This makes these fools look more foolish.

    Am I the only one that saw the "inherent white man" in the secret Romney tapes.

    Fuck them all in the ass with a red hot BBC.

  19. mavenmaven

    I think this would be a great strategy for Romney's debate tonight, he should definitely try to incite a race war, throw in a few "you people" while pointing at Obama, maybe say, "listen up boy" a few times, etc.
    It would, you know, play to the base.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "Boy" might seem a little too patronizing. Maybe "son." I think it worked for Not The Guitarist Joe Walsh.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Whatever Miffed Money does, you can be sure it will be playing to the base, rather than appealing to the middle-of-the-road swing-state undecided voters. This is sheer, inexplicable idiocy, and this is why he's going to get his ass handed to him on election day.

  20. MistaEko

    I wonder if he goes home and cries himself to sleep thinking about the times when he had enough clout to get a PBS show.

  21. Mahousu

    Matt Drudge and Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity

    I wonder if the three of them ever get together, spend a few minutes staring at each other in silence, until finally Tucker blurts out, "My God, we are pathetic, aren't we?"

    Then the sad, sad orgy starts.

    1. Boojum

      Them getting together would create such a vortex of stupid it would rip the time-space continuum, plunging us into an alternate universe of Derp. Or maybe that already happened.

  22. vodkamuppet

    Fox News: "This debate will be about the role of government in peoples lives"

    This is a conversation I want to have. Nevermind Wall Street ripping all of us off, we live in an age where snorting bath salts and eating someones face is a normal thing, hilarious for a blog post but not so outlandish that anyone is even surprised. I want more government, government is not inherently evil. We as a free society can agree to some rules, right?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      How did the wingtards, somewhere along the road to rightwingnuttistan, manage to forget that we as a nation are self-governed? They act as if "Big Gubmint" was some sort of evil, alien force that they have to wage war on (and not just with votes.)

      1. vodkamuppet

        That is what is so confusing to me. Government is as old as civilization, we have government so we don't fling poo at eachother to settle an argument.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          "we have government so we don't fling poo at eachother to settle an argument."

          This may explain the teabaggers' dislike of government.

  23. anniegetyerfun

    Matthew Boyle! I thought he was dead. Did another pasty, pathetic virgin conservative die recently?

  24. Terry

    They're going to keep investigating Obama because no one at all has been digging for dirt on him over the last five years. No one at all.

    1. SorosBot

      These are the people who think McCain would have won if they just talked about Rev. Wright even more than they actually did; they are the racists who just can't believe that enough other white folks are not racist like them that a black man could be elected President, so they think if they just remind voters that Obama is black even more then he'll have to lose.

  25. Allmighty_Manos

    "In the meantime, Daily Caller cub reporter Matthew Boyle was taking to the Tweeter to post grand, stirring Pattonesque twats about how Daily Caller would never give up, never surrender!"

    When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was the Romney campaign, you'll know what to do.

  26. rickmaci

    Fukkker KKKarlson needs to put on a set of his clean white sheets and go for a long walk off a very sort pier.

  27. Beowoof

    If I can talk jive do you think I might be able to get an invite the hip-hop barbeque? I hear Obama has them all the time, with bitches and hos (Michelle has to be out of town), lots guys wearing bling etc.

  28. Chet Kincaid_

    Jason Linkins sums it up:

    So what's the point of this? Well, it's become an article of faith among many conservatives that Sen. John McCain cost himself the election when, in the late stages of the 2008 campaign, he didn't make greater use of the Rev. Wright controversy, and all of the attendant racial dog whistles it offered, to win the election. This rehash of a news event that was exceedingly well covered four years ago is less about new information, and more about fulfilling a conservative tribal need, left unfulfilled by the previous Republican candidate.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/02/drudge-d

    It's too late, and it's not going to work now, but they still HAVE to do it. These morons would have us re-invade Viet Nam and Iraq, just to prove an idiotically false point.

    1. prommie

      Its still illegal to have a cuban cigar, because we are still proving an idiotically false point 50 years later. Intransigence in Error should be our national motto!

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        We had a right to be pissed about the nukes for a good long time. But the white Cubans in FLA are never gone let us give this up unless we guarantee they all get their grandpa's sugar cane plantations and negro workers back, or whatever.

        1. prommie

          GHWBush Bay of Pigs, Kennedy assasination, Watergate, man those cuban fascists in dade county are associated with some the ugliest shit in the history of the country. I guess if you want to run a country like a bannana republic, you gotta bring in some professionals to be the muscle.

        2. BoroPrimorac

          My little brother's girlfriend had a grandfather who was a sugar cane producer in Cuba and her brother, who is in his mid thirties, heads some take Cuba back from the commies club. The guy is really serious about it too. He throws around his grandfathers last name, as if any one gives a fuck about his lineage, and talks about how they'll divvy up the land once Castro falls. That shower of morons discussing their plans is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

          1. HistoriCat

            I can't wait for Castro to die, just so these idiots can begin the process of retaking Cuba. If they're lucky, the Cubans will just turn them around and send them back to Florida. If we're lucky, they won't take the hint.

  29. Self-Uploader

    OT but, anybody catch last week's NYer column on Romney? In one example of what a great guy he is he helps out one of his parishoners who was putting down polyurethene on his floors with a paintbrush. Romney used masking tape to "invent" a wide brush attached to a pole that could be used to put the polyurethene down while standing up in a much shorter time, you know kind of like using a paint roller with a lambs' wool roll that you could buy in Home Depot or any hardware store attached to extension pole — the kind you use for painting ceilings.. The parishoner was gushing about this years later, like what a genius and great leader Romney is. This isn't fucking rocket science. Anyone working in a hardware store could have advised him on how to do this. He didn't invent that.

  30. Chow Yun Flat

    The right wing idiots are so stuck in their echo chamber that they really don't understand that the Mitt 47% tape is something that will affect uncommitted voters but that the Obama Katrina tape is only significant to them.

    And that only because the President isn't white, of course.

  31. oenspiek

    This story's racist revelation: one of the two main Presidential candidates is a human being.

    This oppresses our android / tailor's dummy citizens worse than Hitler and Doctor Who combined!

  32. Jerri

    Tucker-to-English translation: "Now do you like me, cool kids? Huh? Now? I called the black kid a name! I'm bad ass – let me come to your pool party! Hey…guys, hey Peggy, wait up!!!"

  33. LibrarianX

    I know this has probably given Tucker his first boner all year, but I'm trying to un-imagine that image.

  34. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Found a YouTube video, did they? That is some mighty impressive, major-league investigative reporting! I bet those pros even used the Googlez!

    1. SorosBot

      Not only that, but Tucker Carlson got to break this amazing story twice, since he also broke it back in 2007!

  35. prommie

    I love when the whitest whitey white motherfuckers take umbrage over Obama acting black on account of he is not REALLY black. Like fucking Limbaugh calling him a "halfrican," and by the way why does that racist fucking shit not cause riots and oh perhaps some burning down of some Palm Beach Mansions? But shit, its like Yo, MTV Raps has made an entire generation of whitey white suburban fucking whiteboys think they are fucking entitled to judge a black man's blackness. Thats some fucked up shit, you know what I am saying?

  36. Ruhe

    "They're speaking different languages," Carlson said of the two Obamas. "Different cadences, different accents, different gestures — I mean, the falseness here is overwhelming."
    Does anyone remember that amazing episode of "Shaft" where the smooth-as-black-silk gumshoe cracked a case involving an auto-theft "crew" who were apparently all negros, though their faces were always covered with masks? Well in that case old John Shaft just spoke to one of them fellas and dropped a little ghetto language on them and when they didn't know what he was talking about then he knew they were just honkies in disguise. Brilliant!

    So this thing with Carlson is like that in reverse right. Tucker knows how actual black folks "be talkin' " and he can tell that the President was just putting on that accent, that is, as the natives say, "he be frontin' ". In other words, Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity have cracked the case and found that Barack Obama is just whitey in disguise! Brilliant!

    1. Gleem McShineys

      I'm just talkin' bout Carlson

      Shut your mouth!

      No, really. Shut up about that bowtie cockring buttdouche. Not kidding.

  37. DahBoner

    "We will continue to investigate the president…"

    All of a sudden, my FREE OBAMA PHONE lost all reception!

    WE CAN'T HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR YOU

    1. jqheywood

      A white woman voting for Barack Obama >² Tucker's tiny penis (with accompanying tiny bow tie).

      Fixed it for ya…

      1. Ruhe

        "Yo, Tucker. Your dick is so small that if my dick were the hypotenuse of a right sided triangle of which your dick was one of the sides then your dick would be less than the square root of my dick. QED, tiny."

        And that is how you play the dozens Harvard style.

  38. Jerri

    How long until they just start playing that Garrett Morris SNL skit and claim it's lost footage of the president? He's gonna get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater! Lookout!

  39. DCBloom

    So, let me see if I get this…..
    Obama says the Feds didn't do enough for poor folks in NOLA after Katrina.
    5 years later Rmoney says he doesn't care about the 47%, proving Obama was right.

    So, we're mad because Obama's black?

  40. Native_of_SL_UT

    When in doubt, play the race card:

    Seriously, dude?
    Playing the race card was exactly what this whole Drudge fluff job was about.
    I can't believe someone could be so dumb as to say that the people who noticed it were the ones playing the card.
    What did Bubba say about brass?

  41. thefrontpage

    Here are three excellent reasons to vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden on Nov. 6, 2012: Matt Drudge and Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity.

  42. Fox n Fiends

    You know those stupid omnipresent web ads that claim "Plastic Surgeons HATE this 40 year old Mom!"? That's the extent of the intellectual Right these days.

  43. Ruhe

    On a positive note, it's nice to see poor old Juan Williams in a situation where he doesn't have to feign his outrage. In this case he's earning his paycheck and being righteous at the same time. That's got to be a good day for him.

  44. HelmutNewton

    On a somewhat serious note, the Right has been trying for *5 years* to paint Obama as an alternate-universe "angry black man".

    They think that all they have to do is point this out, and Mittens will win in a landslide. What they don't seem to understand is that only the tiny minority that live in "teabagger fantasy land" are susceptible to this argument. The rest of us just look at them and shake our heads in laughter and disgust.

  45. Blunderthing

    Look, a dog siren sings to you from the mystic isle of Canis and you have to be lashed to the mast or you will be driven onto the rocks when you attempt to bring the Big Bisquit to the Big Dog. So, look, don't be talking about Dog Sirens when you don't know the first thing about them, Fucker Parlson.

  46. ttommyunger

    All I can think about now is how fapp-worthy Flight Attendant Randy was in that flick….Blue-eyed little minx was just asking for it.

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