When we last heard from World’s Dumbest Anchorman Rick Sanchez, he had gotten fired from CNN for blowing the lid off of the global Jewish conspiracy and so had nothing better to do than to do some light content aggregation on HuffPo and pay some poor publicist to send out email blasts about it. Since then he has managed to snag a job or at least the password to some blogging software and now his deep thoughts appear on “Fox News Latino,” which is a real website that exists. How can Mitt Romney defeat Obama in tonight’s debate, Rick Sanchez? Easy! Just explain, in simple terms, how Mitt Romney will create jobs, for everybody. Why hasn’t Mitt done this? It’s almost as if it would be very complicated to explain and/or he doesn’t actually know how!
So Rick Sanchez teases in the headline to his column/blog-thingie on Fox News Latino that he will give Mitt Romney the SECRET KEY that will prevent “lights out” for our hapless GOP nominee. Would you like to click on this, if you are eager to see Mitt win? Of course you would! Let’s examine Rick’s secret plan. MITT NEEDS A SECRET PLAN, GUYS. Here’s the blow-by-blow of how the column unfolds!
- Rick stops at a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant outside Atlanta, whose owner is concerned about the economy and ambivalent about Obama: 288 words.
- Rick explains what the “labor participation rate” is, then notes that Americans are “screaming” to be told how that rate can be lowered, only without any fancy economics science talk: 239 words
- Rick mentions that his wife, who is presumably whatever the Latino equivalent of a shiksa is, is “literally disgusted” by the tongue tacos they got at this Mexican restaurant, whose owner, as previously noted, is ambivalent about Obama: 46 words.
- AND HERE’S THE PUNCHLINE: Unemployment is bad, and so Romney can win if only he explains, in terms that are simultaneously concrete and easy to understand, his plan to end unemployment: 106 words.
IT SEEMS SO SIMPLE NOW!!! Anyway, long story short, Mitt Romney is going to lose the debate tonight. [Fox News Latino]