TOTALLY NORMAL  9:44 am October 3, 2012

How Is Todd Akin Helping Claire McCaskill Today?

by Kris E. Benson


Oh how SHOCKING! We have just confirmed, via video, that crazy things have been coming out of Todd Akin’s mouth for many years now. For example, did you know that Todd Akin’s daughter writes science fiction stories about a dystopian future wherein child care is widely available and administered with efficiency, and that Todd Akin has cited these stories on the House floor to support his arguments against stem cell research? He is against stem cell research because a pregnant woman is like an air conditioner that runs on food instead of electricity, wherein resides a person like your Wonkette (if you are lucky) or Todd Akin (if you are not lucky).

My own daughter wrote a little story—I will read it—about step three. “I live with 40 others in a compound, supervised by cool, efficient orderlies. Instead of playing, I stood pondering a troubling dream from the night before. It was of a loving father, giving his child a name. I’ve always been just 5-25-61-B….

Now an embryo may seem like some scientific or laboratory term, but in fact the embryo contains the unique information that defines a person. All you add is food and climate control, and some time, and the embryo becomes you or me.”

Fascinating stuff. Also, it will not surprise you to learn that Todd Akin is VERY CONCERNED about the horrors of abortion clinics, wherein pit-dwelling “medical” providers use anesthesia recreationally in unsanitary conditions and give abortions to women who are not actually pregnant for purposes related to tax evasion.

“You find that along with the culture of death go all kinds of other law-breaking: Not following good sanitary procedure, giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant, cheating on taxes, all these kinds of things.”
“All of these things are common practice,” Akin continued, “but all of that information is available for America.”

[Slate]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 196 comments }

Canmon October 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

And, he concluded by saying "death to whitey".

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

They give abortions to women who aren't actually pregnant? Then maybe that means that, despite being a man, I will be able to achieve my dream of getting an abortion too!

tihond October 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

Come on down to the abortionplex! They're offering a BOGO deal today.

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 10:06 am

Will there be wine?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

No, but there will likely be a lot of bitching.

JaceWyatt October 3, 2012 at 10:56 am

I see what you did there!

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 10:15 am

Oh, ya! A nice Spanish red goes well with the fetus pate.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

The mnemonic is "Rioja with embryo-ja"

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

Awesome! Then we can have an abortion party for the mens!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

Say, maybe we can turn it into another night away from the girls, like poker night!

"I see your twins and raise you my triplets"

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

Is that anything like BYOF?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

That would be a gay abortion, wouldn't it?

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

Downright festive.

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

As a man, you don't even have to pay!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

Wait. I thought it was Ladies Night at the 'Plex?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

Title IX requires them to offer equal opportunity.

Fairtackle October 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

Finally a world where recreational abortions are available to everyone.

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

BRING A FRIEND!!!!

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

Sorosbot: I want to have babies.
Misstaken: You want to have babies?!
Sorosbot: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Misstaken: But…you can't have babies!
Sorosbot: Don't you oppress me!
Misstaken: I'm not oppressing you, Soros. You haven't got a womb. Where is the foetus going to gestate? Are you going to keep it in a box?

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

Well, the bathtub is for sleeping and the toilet is for brewing gin, but I imagine that MissTaken can find, like, a yogurt maker or something.

HistoriCat October 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

In that case, I'm bringing my label maker – no wacky mistakes here please!

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

"Are you going to keep it in a box? "

I see what you did there …

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 9:48 am

"giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant, "

Um … whaaa?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

You know — fake abortions, to fraudulently collect all those Federal dollars that are … oh, wait.

boobookitteh October 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

I want to engrave the Hyde Amendment on a slab of granite and smack people over the head with it when they bitch about their federal tax dollars paying for abortions.

PsycWench October 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

Sounds like something that ought to be wrapped with a nice card, doesn't it? Here, I have a special gift for you.

Naked_Bunny October 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Do you ever go to the dentist to get your teeth cleaned, to prevent cavities? (Of course not. Who can afford such things?) This is the same thing, but with vaginas, I guess.

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 9:49 am

"It was of a loving father, giving his child a name."

Strange that the hypothetical mother is absent from this insane scenario. It's almost as if Akin is a woman-hating fuckhead.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

His wife wishes she could retroactively annul their marriage by never having sex.

jjdaddyo October 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

Supposedly, Akin's wife "is the real conservative" of the two of them. Unfortunately, they are keeping her locked in a closet with a rag stuffed in her mouth so she doesn't give any interviews.

CindynEncinitas October 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Almost.

Mumbletypeg October 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

Todd Akin’s daughter writes science fiction stories about a dystopian future

Poor "Science" and "Fiction" are lookin a little edgy and anxious as they are plied in the hands of freeps who possess scant true understanding of either one.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

Ever since L. Ron Hubbard got rich doing it, wingnut sci-fi has been a cottage industry for thousands of hack writers. With very few exceptions, they all suck.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

Joe Smith and Elron are old hat. We needs us a brand new religion based on the fizzics as understood by the Krell. Could be a hot seller.

One_who_wanders October 3, 2012 at 10:57 am

That is not writing, that is typing.

Gleem McShineys October 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Fiction just needs to point to the places on the doll where the freeptards touched it.

If we're diligent, we can intervene before things get any worse. Poor Irony, however, will likely never be the same.

ThankYouJeebus October 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

I summered at the Abortionplex this year and I wasn't even pregnant.

Biff October 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

Those unpaid internships are helpful in fleshing out an otherwise blank resumé.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:17 am

Those Groupon deals are pretty good, aren't they?

glamourdammerung October 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

A Republican is whining about tax evasion?

That would be like the NRA whining about the BATFE not taking enough guns off the streets.

Oh.

Rosie_Scenario October 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

But if it is NOT a legitimate abortion, the female body has a way of shutting that thing down.

Boredw/Gravitas October 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

Akin seems to be shutting his whole thing down quite nicely. Keep talking, Todd!

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

I remember Jan and Dean singing about shutting his buddy down.

4TheTurnstiles October 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

…and the RNC will continue to support his sorry ass, because it's Missouri and he still has a shot at this.

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

As a Missouri resident and native, the fact this race is even close makes me haz a sad …

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

Akin, how is that imaginary embryo pondering anything when it, you know, doesn't have a brain and can't think?

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

You could ask the same thing about Akin.

sullivanst October 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

Imaginary embryos have imaginary brains. Duh!

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

"5-25-61-B…."

I prefer 36-28-36, but I'm an ass man, so …

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

Oh.

See, I thought she was calling a slant pattern to the tight end as the hot receiver against the nickel package, but what do I know?

Biff October 3, 2012 at 10:06 am

Drink! Hike!

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:18 am

*Hic!*

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

I thought it was a unlock code to the combination lock on her chastity belt.

Chet Kincaid_ October 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

That is filthy!! Children could be reading!!

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 11:37 am

Actually, the slot receiver would be the hot read, after being motioned to the side free of the extra DB, and the slot would run a quick out while the TE tries to block the blitzing LB.

Of course, I'm a Chiefs fan, so the QB would just wind up throwing a pick 6 anyway.

Fairtackle October 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

Missouri

Abernathy October 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

In the future, we'll all be rocking some serious pear shape. I blame the lack of stable father figures.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

Geez, jeans are hard to find now!!

calliecallie October 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

Only if she's five-two! Liddle in the middle but she's got much back.

UnholyMoses October 3, 2012 at 11:47 am

I actually goofed the middle number (tried it from memory), but still glad someone got the reference.

+1 for you!

calliecallie October 4, 2012 at 11:24 am

My teenagers were very surprised when they realized I knew the words to that song. I think it's because I bought the sound track to the Charlie's Angels movie.

I also do Eminem.

johnnyzhivago October 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

The dystopian world I'm worried about is one run by Republicans.

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

Yeah, Akin (like Santorum) has made it very clear that he wants to make The Handmaid's Tale reality.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

He seems convinced we're going to abort our way to Children of Men.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

Or A Boy and His Dog.

Terry October 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

Someone needs to ask him HOW you give an abortion to a woman who isn't pregnant. Get her up in the stirrups, insert a speculum, then pretend that you're really busy down there for a while?

mavenmaven October 3, 2012 at 9:56 am

Its nothing, its just like a transvaginal ultrasound against the woman's will.

Barbara_ October 3, 2012 at 10:01 am

If that is the criteria, I was married to a super gyno doc once.

Biff October 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

I haven't administered an oral abortion in some time now…

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

Super Gyno? Faster than a speeding………..ah, I got nothin'.

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:01 am

Well, in AZ women get pregnant 2 weeks before they are actually pregnant. You do the math.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:18 am

I got two abortions yesterday. They let me take them home. They're in the fridge right now.

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

I really hate leftovers.

ThundercatHo October 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

Todd Akin is a drooling, misogynistic, shit-stain but all that information is available for America.

BornInATrailer October 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

And he'll probably win.

freakishlywrong October 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

Sigh. I wish they would keep their crazy uncles at home.

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

*Tebows*

sullivanst October 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

Nate still favors Claire, 70-30, but that's a lot closer than I'm comfortable with.

An_Outhouse October 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

Don't believe Akin kids. Here at the Abortionplex, we would never perform unnecessary abortions. And for Columbus Day weekend only, get three abortions for the price of two. That's right, three for two. Get 'em before they're gone!

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

That's a good deal. I guess I can save my coupon for the next time?

FakaktaSouth October 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

You know, women just are too dumb to know if we actually ARE pregnant and people can trick us in to having unnecessary treatments JUST as often as people cheat on their taxes. There's that whole show, "I Had No Idea I Wasn't Pregnant." on TLC

Get the hell out of here with this, I got an unnecessary abortion scheduled after my tennis match.

Barbara_ October 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

Good luck on your abortion after tennis. I dare you to sign in at the super gyno doc's office as "FakaktaSouth" and "Fetus Gerulaitis." The people there have a really great sense of humor and they will love you, as do we all.

FakaktaSouth October 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

You are so right. I have gotten to where I am very good at remembering to take my pill before sex and have the abortion after tennis, right before carpool, it just makes the day FLY BY!

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

Hey whats the problem with a pre-emptive abortion? Are you supposed to wait for that little freeloader to start squatting in your uterus before you take action? Do you want the warning to be the mushroom cloud of pregnancy? Stand Your Womb is what it is!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am
actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:15 am

Fetus Geruliaitis plays doubles with John Embryo.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

I thought women were good at multi-tasking. Can't you play tennis and get your unnecessary abortion too?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

You might serve the fetus by mistake.

James Michael Curley October 3, 2012 at 10:22 am

Happens all the time trying to prepare Thanksgiving Dinner for 18.

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

I find a casserole helps extend the meat dishes.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

"Thanksgiving Dinner for 18"

I aplaud this new child naming trend. It is the future.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

We don't call it abortion anymore, it's now Retroactive Fetal Adjustment.

CindynEncinitas October 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Fetal Rightsizing!

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 10:24 am

Have fun, unnecessary abortions are the best, especially when you're not even pregnant!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

One must keep in practice!

FakaktaSouth October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

NOTHING is better than not even being pregnant. Nothing.

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

Belt and suspenders, thats the surest way to keep your pants up, wear a belt and suspenders. It should work with this pregnancy (shudder) thing too.

FakaktaSouth October 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

See, there's the problem. I don't wear pants – hardly never. I am a fucking lady, I wear tennis skirts (they may as well be) and well, you know, we gals have no control over such things, not even knowing you're doing it, much less getting knocked up is so confusing, and oh my, here things go again. But as God is my witness I will NEVER be pregnant again, not even pre-emptively. (shakes fist for real)

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

"I had no idea I was a boo-boo."

tihond October 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

They're performing abortions on people who aren't pregnant is the new "This food sucks… and the portions are so small!"

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

"All you add is food and climate control, and some time, and the embryo becomes you or me."
So, we're all like Sea Monkeys, or Chia Pets?

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

I have filed a class action against those sea-monkey people. They ain't no fucking monkeys at all!

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

I think Lionel Hutz hangs around here, he can probably hook you up.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:38 am

Or you could hook up with Lionel Twain.

Gratuitous World October 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

Preemptive Abortion is the New Bush Doctrine

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

We must close the Embryo Gap!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

Look, I'm doing the best I can but there's only so much one man can do, no matter how many chicks he bangs in a night.

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 10:19 am

You are doing America a great service. Keep up the mediocre work!

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

I deserve a meh!-dal.

OT: Aw, fuck! I hate when I get manic. It means I'm going to get depressed in a day or so….

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:13 am

Zygote libel!

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

Like Dr. Hack-in-a-bush?

freakishlywrong October 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant, cheating on taxes
So, did Miff's tax cheating cause the abortion that is his campaign?

Nowisallthereis October 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

Hmmm, Kind of like giving a lobotomy to someone who (Todd) does not have a (Akin) brain?

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

Not sure why this reminds me that I want to shop for a chainsaw this weekend. Gas or electric?

actor212 October 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

“I live with 40 others in a compound, supervised by cool, efficient orderlies. Instead of playing, I stood pondering a troubling dream from the night before. It was of a loving father, giving his child a name. I’ve always been just 5-25-61-B…

I hear when Mitt Romney read this, he wept tears of joy.

Actually, it was just servo oil oozing out of his eyes, but you get the drift.

mavenmaven October 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Missouri Republican, he probably wants a little unnecessary abortion action himself, up the rectum.

no_gravity October 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Todd Akin has definitely earned his Rick Santorum seal of approval.

Barrelhse October 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Ima get a copy of her book- sounds way better than "Dune".

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Doctors providing abortions to women who aren't pregnant?

That's nothing, Missourians vote for Senators who aren't very bright.

PubOption October 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

They did even vote for one who was dead. http://archives.cnn.com/2000/ALLPOLITICS/stories/

Esteev October 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

So you're telling me the dead can run for office but can't vote?! Freedom my ass.

MosesInvests October 3, 2012 at 11:51 am

To be fair, look at his opponent.

PuckStopsHere October 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

This guy really needs to get laid.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

Or gelded (with votes).

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

Too much of his DNA polluting the gene pool already.

OneYieldRegular October 3, 2012 at 10:02 am

"…giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant…"

Duodenums are people too!

Lucidamente1 October 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

Well, that explains why every girl in my high school senior class got an abortion.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

Every girl? I thought they had to try out for the high school Abortion Team.

Not_So_Much October 3, 2012 at 10:06 am

This is why we can't have nice things.

UW8316154 October 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

Sounds like Todd's daughter got her hands on a copy of Brave New World!

I'm surprised that book is part of a home-scholing curriculum, what with all the encouragement of recreational sex and soma consumption.

PubOption October 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

And, worse still, contraception.

badseeds October 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

Your move, Missouri.

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

“You find that along with the culture of death go all kinds of other law-breaking: Not following good sanitary procedure…

I certainly know this happened before Roe v Wade…

SorosBot October 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

Please, we can't let facts intrude on right-wing fantasy-land!

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

No, they didn't start putting those "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs up until the mid or late 70s, I think.

Gorillionaire October 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

The most shocking part of this story is that Akin allowed his daughter to learn to read and write.

chicken_thief October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

I think they call that "poetic license".

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

Unnecessary abortions are all the rage. I schedule mine between my mani and my pedi.

qwerty42 October 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

I kinda think anything about Todd Akin should have that pic of the Branch Davidian Compound.

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

I'm gonna gingerly point out that that picture records the probable instant of the deaths of at least several children. If rapiness is to be avoided perhaps so should ironic use of ghastly human atrocities.

qwerty42 October 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

Point well taken.

Self-Uploader October 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

It is a dubious plot of the democrats to make sure they run against douche bags whose douche-baggery cannot be doubted.

Jus_Wonderin October 3, 2012 at 10:15 am

I really do understand this. Even before my daughter was born we scheduled a series of future unnecessary abortions for her. It was a lot like those college plans were you begin paying for it at birth. It worked out well for us, not to be hit with those costs (adjusted for inflation) when she reached abortion age.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:16 am

I always carry my lucky zygote with me. For warding off Republicans.

DalePues October 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

This man is a horror movie all by himself.

Dudleydidwrong October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

I'm aching
From too much Akin
I hope to hell he will lose.
But Missouri is Right–
Some just aren't too bright–
He could be the one they choose.

I'm aching
From too much Akin.
He should dry up and blow away.
The damage he's done
No longer is fun:
Crawl back under your rock, Todd, and stay.

DahBoner October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

"giving abortions to women that are not pregnant"

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

The practice of butt-chugging wine has already spread to Missouri…

deanbooth October 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

Hey, we all know people* who vacuum their living room when it's perfectly clean already. It's like that.

* cough Mrs. deanbooth cough

GregComlish October 3, 2012 at 10:22 am

All you add is food and climate control, and some time, and the embryo becomes you or me

What about Love, Mr. Akin? Does an embryo not need love to flourish? Does it not need the immaculate power of Christ?

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

"I’ve always been just 5-25-61-B…."

I'm not a number, I'm a free man!!!

Guppy October 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

See, there's the problem: the character is a woman, so she isn't entitled to be a free man.

CommieLibunatic October 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Oddly enough, those number names remind me more of the transhumanist Fereidoun M. Esfandiary, aka FM-2030.

mrblifil October 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

Those fetus killing monsters won't stop even when there AREN'T ANY FETUSES TO KILL!!1!

Um, what the fuck is he even talking about?

Abernathy October 3, 2012 at 10:24 am

Memo to C-SPAN: "Todd Akin explains embryos" is pushing the meaning of "explain."

Pragmatist2 October 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

Legal Question:
If a doctor gives an abortion to a woman who isn't pregnant but whose non-pregnacy is in its third non-trimester, is that a crime of attempted abortion under Missouri law?

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

There you go again, getting all pre-natal on us.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

Todd saves his fingernail clippings to turn them into little fetii. Someone somewhere told him about that one time.

rickmaci October 3, 2012 at 11:46 am

I hear his first act as a senator would be to introduce a ban on circumcision. Really. I heard about it somewhere on the internet.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

"a pregnant woman is like an air conditioner that runs on food instead of electricity, wherein resides a person like your Wonkette (if you are lucky)"

Wonkette is people, my friends!

BaldarTFlagass October 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

I guess those CSPAN videos must come from that NSN place too, crippling my browser and giving me speeds approaching those of dial-up. With a rotary phone.

♫ Gonna surf the web like it's
Nineteen Ninety Nine ♪

Biel_ze_Bubba October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

That "culture of death" sounds pretty cool. I've seen pictures of their parades. And with candy skulls for the kids you forgot to abort, it's fun for the whole family.

eggsacklywright October 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

See: Under the Volcano

Toomush_Infer October 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

So….Todd Akin is fundamentally unAmerican….? Liberty and "not being forced" and all?…everything about this election cycle and Republicans is classic Rovian Bizarro Land…If I say you do it, that means I do it….

CommieLibunatic October 3, 2012 at 12:52 pm

That's the part of the modern GOP I still can't understand. For a party that's all about "freedom," they sure seem hellbent on inspecting your uterus and then some.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

A sitting member of Congress quotes his daughter's fanfic and reads it into the congressional record where it will be stored in perpetuity.

This might be one reason Congress has a low approval rating.

Nesnora October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

What fresh hell is this?

Radiotherapy October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

Hey, Obama campaign, guess who is buddy, buddy, likeminded intellectually, with this ass clown?

Chow Yun Flat October 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

Unsanitary conditions.

Unlike the perfectly sterilized coat hangers that would be used if Tood Akin got his way.

LibertyLover October 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

Akin's comment makes about as much sense as not buying a house next to a cemetery because of the fear of being one of the first houses hit when the Zombies attack. Oh Wait. Never mind. That's totally rational.

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:37 am

Isn't a vasectomy kinda like a pre-emptive abortion? And given the numbers involved, its damn close to genocide!

CommieLibunatic October 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

How long does a sperm even last just sitting around in a man's body? If we go down that road, a dude will commit crimes against humanity by NOT impregnating every woman he encounters.

sullivanst October 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

Crazy misogynist is misogynist who is also crazy.

Also, ahead in the last two polls listed on 538. WTF, Missouri? Seriously, what the fuck?

Radiotherapy October 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Srsly, who are these people?

Beowoof October 3, 2012 at 10:47 am

As a CPA who spent extensive time preparing both business and individual income tax returns, I can truthfully say those who most often were trying to cheat on their taxes were republican. Most likely because they had figured out how to make more at the expense of the people who work for a living.

Bezoar October 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

I think that if you perform an "abortion" on a woman who is not actually pregnant, it's called a D & C, meaning 'dilation and curretage', of the uterus, typically to remove residual endometrium due to some pathological condition, or maybe to obtain tissue for histological examination, for diagnostic purposes. At least I think so.

CommieLibunatic October 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Do you think he cares about even half of those big, scary-sounding medical words you used?

CindynEncinitas October 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Maybe he thinks doctors give women fun drugs with their abortions so someone's trying to work an angle there. Good luck with that one, asshat.

Guppy October 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant

At least not legitimately pregnant…

Bezoar October 3, 2012 at 10:58 am

Oh, I know! You can save a woman 5 days of menstruation with a simple 10-minute vacuuming procedure! Who knows if she's pregnant or not; that's not the point! I'll bet this is all the rage among Missouri college girls.

schvitzatura October 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

I've always just been THX 1138.

Or was it CT-782, or Duncan Idaho?

Bye, Baby Banting, soon you'll need decanting…

GemlikeFlame October 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

"culture of death" == spittle flecked anti-abortion single issue certifiable head case

To quote GLF's deceased father, "Son, ain't no percentage in arguing with a head case. It's kind of like trying to teach a pig to sing. It just wastes your time and annoys the pig."

LibrarianX October 3, 2012 at 11:38 am

thinks "peer reviewed" sounds suspicious – possibly elitist. Cites daughter instead.

jzgplj October 3, 2012 at 11:41 am

Fuck you, Todd Akin.

rickmaci October 3, 2012 at 11:45 am

Asshole managed to abort his own Senate campaign at the point of viability.

LibrarianX October 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Because abortions are – sexy time? Does this guy tie his own shoes?

Slim_Pickins October 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Funny, Congress' health insurance does not include mental health coverage.

Aridzona October 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Today's to-do list:

1. Take dog to vet
2. Do grocery shopping
3. Get empty uterus scraped and vacuumed just for the hell of it

anniegetyerfun October 3, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Seriously, though, how are Congresspeople not thrown off of the floor for citing SCIENCE FUCKING FICTION written by their own children as a part of their protests against SERIOUSLY FUCKING HEALTHCARE ISSUES?

wolvenwood13 October 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm

M'kay. How do you remove a fetus when there is no fetus? That's like amputating a limb from a quadriplegic or removing a vagina from a man. They really need to quit running subhumans for Congress.

emmelemm October 3, 2012 at 1:23 pm

wherein pit-dwelling “medical” providers use anesthesia recreationally in unsanitary conditions and give abortions to women

Almost 200 comments and no one's said Cider House Rules Libel?!!?? (If they have, I missed it, but I'm not firing on all cylinders today.)

CindynEncinitas October 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I went to one of those abortion parties in Newport once and let a doctor who didn't wash his hands do a body shot off my inner thigh, which may or may not have been pregnant at the time. We huffed carpet cleaner and danced to "funk" music and someone in the corner was making an airplane out of a 1040EZ. That's all I remember.

Juicy_Stalin October 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

‎"The right to liberty is to be able to follow your own conscience without being terrorized by some opponent"

~Todd Akin on cognitive dissonance

ttommyunger October 3, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Actually, this is not out of the realm of possibility. I have and still practice what Todd would probably consider Abortions on myself at least twice weekly. 'Course I perform them at home, usually, smothering the little bastards in a kleenex.

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

I say, what what, jolly good that.

prommie October 3, 2012 at 10:47 am

Hmm, maybe belt and suspenders isn't the best metaphor then. Techno Destructo?

bobbert October 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

That's ridiculously good.

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