Porked her cousin‘Sup Boynton Beach city commissioner Marlene Ross? Oh, you are totally sure an “evil,” “sinister” fellow commissioner has been threatening to extort you over the sexts you sent to your first cousin/lover? And much of the story is given to you breathlessly narrating in bodice-ripping Shades of Gray dialogue how you tried to hold off your first cousin/lover, etc., and it is all verbatim and weird? But all the cops who looked into it were like, “dude, lady, this does not fit ‘extortion’ but maybe you could talk to Lifetime?” Fun story! Fun city commission! Let us cover our computer screens from prying eyes, and blockquote, together!

In late 2010 or early 2011, Ross told prosecutors, she had sent her first cousin Rogelio Vera – via private messaging on Facebook — “compromising” photos of herself that she’d previously created.

“You had some sort of relationship?” State Attorney’s Office Detective Robert Flechaus asked Ross in a Sept. 12 interview.

“Yes,” Ross said in audio supplied to The Post.

It was in late 2010, Ross said.

“He started with the flirting,” she said. “I said, ‘Oh, c’mon. This is not right.’ He’s a first cousin. ‘This is not right. You’ve got to stop.’”

Unable to resist the hunky felon first-cousin, Ross embarked on a sexy and sexty relationship, but then the felon first cousin’s wife found the pictures! And for reasons that we can just never understand, she wasn’t all like “bygones”!

“She (Lillian Vera) calls me. And she’s, ‘Oh, I can’t believe you. I never thought you’d do this.’ I said, ‘Lillian. Let this go.’”

Later, she said, Lillian Vera sent her text messages, “mean, vicious stuff,’ and told her she was going to distribute the photos.

Lillian Vera would tell prosecutors this summer that her estranged husband had shown her the images once and she didn’t have copies. Neither Lillian Vera nor her divorce attorneys would comment for this story; Rogelio Vera couldn’t be reached.

MEAN VICIOUS STUFF. What kind of wife sends MEAN VICIOUS STUFF to the cousin-in-law who is fucking her husband? Get with the program, LILLIAN.

Anyway, from then on Marlene Ross lives in fear that an “evil” “corrupt” lobbyist is trying to extort her into voting his way, in code:

In comments that were cryptic to most in the chambers but which Ross believed were aimed at her, [David] Katz suggested “consequences” for voting against his close friend, former Mayor Jerry Taylor, to fill out the term of a commissioner who had resigned in July. Ross continued that night to oppose Taylor and the commission remained deadlocked, 2-2.

After interviewing Ross at least three times, prosecutors concluded that “none of the scenarios described by Ms. Ross involved behavior that could be considered criminal extortion,” Daniel Funk, assistant Palm Beach County state attorney, wrote in a memo dated Thursday.

Awfully nice city commission you have there, Marlene Ross. Shame if anything happened to it.

But is this Katz fellow corrupt and evil? Corrupt yes! Evil we can’t speak to! But apparently everyone who’s so much as looked at Boynton Beach on a map is stone cold gettin’ investigated for corruption and pressuring everyone else and evading taxes and being a shitbag (including, oddly, Marlene Ross!). Boynton Beach is You.


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  • Meathamper

    Saucy salacious sexy sassy sexts

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Cute cousin kissy-call communications.

      • Meathamper

        Familial, fast and furious fucking.

  • Barbara_

    And I thought Thanksgiving was awkward at the Sandusky house. Jesus!

  • Uhm…pics or GTFO?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I'd hit it.

  • Pragmatist2

    In West Virginia this would insure reelection.

    • Negropolis

      It's not a bug, it's a feature…with incurable bugs.

  • nounverb911

    But how does this effect Allan West?

  • I'm confused. I've been to Boynton Beach and had the impression that only old Jews lived there. I doubt they are screwing their first cousins as the first cousins are already dead.

    • Yea, well, it's not like the living ones would ever notice…

    • Esteev

      Obviously, the single scene ain't bumping.

    • zumpie

      Hee!!! My MIL lives in Boynton. This would mark the second time I've even heard of people younger than 112 doing anything there (the other one was some chippie offing her embezzler husband). I guess the dating pool for the not totally old set is kinda limited, huh?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Sounds to me more like Boinkin' Beach.

    • bobbert

      Darn you.

      • Tundra Grifter

        My p-rating has been moving more slowly than (r)Money's poll numbers. I've been stuck at 118 since Moby Dick was a guppy. Perhaps the long tail of 5,000+ posts is taking it's toll?

        Not that I care about having a big p- of course. Size doesn't matter.

        Does it?

  • Grief_Lessons

    The first-cousin USFB returns to teh Wonkette!

  • You can take the kin from Appalachia, but you can't take Appalachia from the kin.

    • Terry

      Marlene was born in Cuba, making her a hot Latin lady not a hill billy. We must get our stereotypes right!

      • From the Cuban hillz?

      • PhilippePetain

        ¡Ay Prima Claiente!

      • Negropolis

        Cuba has hills. What's the dimunitive for the Spanish William?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    In my mind, I just ripped my bodice

    whatever that is.

    Also, fap.

  • LastGasp

    Criminal extortion, no. Criminal exertion, maybe.

    • Actually, the PBP missed the story completely, which the Daily Mail got (of all places!)

      The clearest hint that Mr Katz was aware of the images was when he said at a meeting in September that multiple government agencies were investigation 'transmittal of messages and pictures between elected officials and convicted felons'.
      On top of that, he used the threat as a way to scare her into voting for an friend of his to get a job: 'Whatever consequences they’re concerned with if they vote in favor of his appointment, they will pale into insignificance as to the ones that would come otherwise,' he said.

  • bodice-ripping Shades of Gray dialogue

    Except, I recall with that work's introduction into annals of contemporary literature, as a boon to these modern times, said trash fiction exemplified the edgy act of "sweatpants-ripping"~

    • pdiddycornchips

      Yeah, the only thing SOG about this is the part where the lobbyist says there will be "consequences". Which way did she vote? Did the lobbyist spank her?

    • Radiotherapy

      "Sweetpants" or "Sweatpanties" would work too.

  • Crank_Tango

    I have the weirdest boner.

    • Have you told your first cousin?

      • Esteev

        Facebook Profile Pictures!!

        • Crank_Tango

          tag, tag, tag.

          • Negropolis

            That's what he said.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Is it shaped like a banana, can you feed it to your monkey?…

  • HogeyeGrex

    Everything after "Shades of Gray" I heard in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried.


  • gullywompr

    I can't believe this lady sent off the nekkid pictures after just a little flirting!

    What did you say her email address is again?

    • Whatever

      Apparently they may have said info at The City of Boynton Beach website.

      • gullywompr

        Made you look!

        • Whatever

          Was worth it.

  • Totally tap that

    • Baconzgood

      Totally FAP TO that.


      • Tits or GTFO. I don't fap to clothing.

        Altho she has some nice suits.

        • Baconzgood

          Under those suits she's buck nekid. C'mon use the imagination. Obviously if she's boinking her cousin she is freaky. Like maybe a little too freaky for Baconz…maybe.

          • Lemme show you how its done, my man.

  • nonbeliever7

    Yawn. This is an awfully slow start to Cocktober. Text me when it involves rent-boys, diapers, or goats.

    • Paul Ryan had some free time?

    • Come on, man, it's only two days in and we've had three sex scandals!

      • nonbeliever7

        Sorry, I totally forgot about the hairy musician with the derringer in his panties.

    • Maybe in a few more weeks… "Kicktober"?

      As in: "Hon, today I felt your li'l son/ daughter/ second-cousin-once-removed kick finally"

  • MonkeyHamlet

    What's the big deal? Rogelio was just taking a "crack" at the commissioners' office.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't watch the daytime soaps, is this a synopsis of As the World Turns from last week or something?

    • Haven't they all died off? You have to learn Spanish if you want your daily serial dramas now.

    • ATWT has been OTA (Off the Air) for just over two yrs. now.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    YOWZA!!! Now I have a 'Palm Beach Post'

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    You think that's weird? During sex, she would whisper in his ear, "Pretend you're my dad."

    • Negropolis


  • Mittens Howell, III

    Cousin pork is a southern delicacy.

  • Wait. Mrs Cunningham, Richie's mom, sexted photos of herself????


    Oh. MarLEne Ross…nevermind.

    • HarryButtle

      You know, Mrs "C" wasn't a reference to her last name…

  • SorosBot

    Wait, how was that extortion? This was Florida, in that part of the country where cousin-loving, and even brother-sister loving, is considered perfectly OK; pig-fucking too.

  • So — she just wanted to tell everybody that she was fucking her cousin but couldn't come up with a classy way of doing that so made up an extortion plot against her? Either that or she's just your run-of-the-mill paranoid cousin-fucker with persecution fantasies.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I was promised nudie pics and now all I have is a confused.

    • Just imagine your blind and someone is describing them to you.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        What was that? I closed my eyes and now I can't hear you.

        • Just ignore the weird sensation of buttons being undone….

    • Guppy

      You have a confused in your pants.

  • Callyson

    According to the article, she's not even the only crazy politico in this town:

    Mayor Jose Rodriguez was arrested this year on charges of pressuring the police chief and interim city manager to stop a child abuse investigation. He also is accused in a lawsuit against the Community Redevelopment Agency of helping get rid of its chief in part because she rejected his sexual advances…
    And tow firm operator David Floering, who stopped bidding for city contracts in 2010, claiming corruption, has accused Rodriguez of cheating on property taxes and called the mayor a crook and a liar so many times that Rodriguez sued him for defamation; he later dropped the case.

    OK, which one of these two is going to get the GOP nomination for Congress? Or does Florida have an open primary, in which case the answer would be both of them, Katie?

  • SoBeach

    This story barely nudges the needle on the South Florida Weird-o-Meter.

  • I didn't know Florida had dedicated an entire beach to that lady that put out those kinda treacly greeting cards.

    • Ya big softy, how do you even know about these?!

      • My coffee mug: it says "Everyone is entitled to my opinion"

        Also, my daughter loved "Moo, Baa, La La La"

    • HistoriCat

      You haven't lived until you hear Davey Jones (yes, that Davey Jones) sing Your Personal Penguin

  • Mittens Howell, III

    So Marlene's the fork in the family tree?

    • She sure put the forking there

    • Esteev

      She looks more like a ladle.

      • She's a ladle! Whoa whoa whoa, she's a ladle! Talking about my little ladle, and the ladle is miiiiiine….

        • Esteev

          I'm not lookist!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I find this post severely easy to masturbate to.

    Still want the pictures, tho.

    • Esteev


    • UnholyMoses

      "I find this post severely easy to masturbate to."

      So do I … which is freaking out my coworkers …

      • BloviateMe

        Tell them that if they help out, it'll be over that much quicker.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, wasn't Marlene Ross the mother on Happy Days?

    • DrunkIrishman

      I thought that was George's fiancee's mother?

    • UnholyMoses
        • Esteev

          I'm sending you my dry cleaning bill.

          • Send it to Potsie Weber, c/o Al's Diner, Near Jefferson High School, Milwaukee, WI

          • UnholyMoses

            Sit on it, Potsie.

            Oh, wait. That's what got this gal in trouble with her cousin …

  • DrunkIrishman

    Move to Utah … it's totally legal to marry your first cousin here.

    You just have to be over 65 or not be able to reproduce (at least they're thinking of the three-headed children!)…

    • HuddledMass

      US map of cuzzin-marryin' – In Massachusetts you could marry your same-sex cousin?

    • MissTaken

      It's totes legal in California. And no over 65 age restrictions. Things are weird out west, we just don't like to talk about it.

      • sullivanst

        And, more pertinently to the story, also in Florida.

        • DrunkIrishman


  • Baconzgood

    E.A. POE LIBEL!!!!!

  • SexySmurf

    she had sent her first cousin Rogelio Vera – via private messaging on Facebook — “compromising” photos of herself that she’d previously created.

    Farmville has gotten really realistic.

    • Farmville: Mississippi edition.

    • Generation[redacted]

      If this doesn't save Zynga's stock price, nothing will.

  • Terry

    Marlene has a serious screw loose. She's going out of her way to make sure that everyone in the country knows that she sent nekkid pictures to her first cousin.

    I checked out the Boynton Beach city web site. Miz Thang has a photo of herself up there with more cleavage than the average female city commissioner is usually confortable to show. She's a hot mess overall.

    • Thank you for prudishly making us google this ourselves!

      • Terry

        As a general rule, I try to leave it to guys to say "Hey, look! Tits!"

      • RALitherland

        And thank you for leaving it that way. So, OK, I did that, but frankly I wouldn't recommend following the link. Either Terry found another pic tucked away in an obscure corner of the site, or the average female city commissioner dresses like an exceptionally modest Amish woman.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I cut to the chase with Google images and that young lady has some shoulders!

      Did she used to play for the Dolphins? And they let her keep the pads?

    • schvitzatura

      Marlene enjoys life in Boynton Beach, spending (happy jumbly-bumping play) time with (male extended) family and (special uncle's son)(") friends(") and caring for her cats and dogs.

      Remember to spay and neuter your cats and dogs…

  • owhatever

    "Lillian, you've got to let this go. It's not big enough for both of us to play with it at the same time."

  • Mittaplasia

    The family that plays together stays together.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Nepotism – the other game the whole family can play.

  • sullivanst

    Oh, Florida! What would Wonkette do without you?

    Apart from focus a little more on Texas, South Carolina, Mississippi, Alabama, Kansas, Oklahoma, Idaho, Utah, and parts of Michigan, Minnesota and Iowa, that is.

    • UnholyMoses

      "all of the Confederacy, plus Missouri, Arizona, Idaho, Utah, and parts of Michigan, Minnesota and Iowa … "

      Fixed that to be a tad more inclusive of all the crazy that's out there.

      • sullivanst

        Crap. You know things are beyond nuts when a Wonker can forget Arizona in a list of t3h Krayzeee. And yes, Mr. Akin's antics certainly warrant the inclusion of the Blow Me state.

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        And Indiana.

  • Goonemeritus

    I don’t normally come to Wonkette to feel morally superior but when I do you guys really deliver.

    • Mojopo

      It's always the right texture and taste.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    She thought she was getting a purse when her cousin said "I got you a Vera wang."

  • Mittens Howell, III

    If she was my cousin, I'd be redefining the word 'cousin'. Just sayin'.

  • Where do Katherine Harris and her horse fit in?

    • Tightly, I imagine

    • Guppy

      I'm sure you can find a diagram online.

    • Negropolis

      Very carefully, I pray.

  • compromising photos

    Compromising? Must be a Democrat!

  • docterry6973

    Nudie pix? Are we discussing the presidential prospects of our beloved editrix?

  • IncenseDebate

    Your move New Port Richey.

  • UnholyMoses

    Ahhhh … Florida. Where it's not the heat, it's the stupidity that gets ya …

  • Esteev

    Some sordid sort of relationship, amirte? Eh?

  • Baconzgood

    I haz teh confuzes. whoze schtuping whoze and wherez teh black male in thiz?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    If the good lord din't want us boynkin' our cousins, he wouldn't a made 'em so purty!

    • SavageDrummer

      Shelbyville libel!

  • LibertyLover

    She might feel the noodley tentacles of extortion if she wakes up with the head of her blackberry in her bed. That will be a clear sign that she has gotten an offer she can't refuse.

  • Hey, if you can't fuck your married first cousin, can any of us truly say we are free?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Of course it wasn't criminal extortion in Florida – there were no motorboat manatee injuries, and cuz is cuz or at least it was…

  • Wadisay

    Rogelio Vera couldn’t be reached.

    Try his sister's place.

  • shelwood46

    I cannot believe "let this go" did not appease the cuckolded cousin-in-law. It's right there in Miss Manners, if you have grievously wronged someone, all you have to do is say their name and "let this go: and, boom, you're absolved.

  • LibertyLover

    And WHAT have we learned from this little tale, boys and girls?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Gimme a coupla minutes…………trying to find long lost cousins on FB.

    • SorosBot

      Incest is best kept within the family?

    • MissTaken

      Candy is dandy, but incest is best?

    • prommie

      That we should only sext and send nekkid pics if we really like someone a lot?

    • Guppy

      Same as always: don't get caught.

    • bobbert

      This is what happens when you fuck a cousin in …

      Oh, nevermind.

      • Negropolis



  • FakaktaSouth

    Okay, I honestly wanted to see some of the sexts. I want to know specifically what it is about being a cousin-fucker that makes this lady so paranoid. Gross, I already know, but come ON it's gotta be good to get all extortion-y.

    • prommie

      Its only extortionable while its still a secret, thats the whole point of coming out of the closet, noone can threaten to out you anymore. Once its officially acknowledged that you have a "friend," there's just nothing left to extort with.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Whatever, I just love how cringey all these sext things can be, especially out of context. I don't really need a lawyered up reason, I'm just trying to sound less like a voyeuristic perv. I want the skritchy "oh baby, I like when your so harf, I want ur dick"…cause typos make em even better.

        • MissTaken

          "oh baby, rember when we was kidz and we ate ice cream cones together? I'mm gonna lick yur dick like an ice cream coan. yeah baby."

          • FakaktaSouth

            I cannot stop laughing.

          • SorosBot

            OK now you're getting really dirty; and hilarious.

        • prommie

          Gawd is that what people say in these "sexts?"

          • FakaktaSouth

            I have no fucking idea. Shut up.

          • prommie

            Well it sure isn't very fucking romantic. Just saying.

          • MissTaken

            I think the goal is less romance, more fucking.

          • sullivanst

            Hmm. That's not much of a turn on.

          • If you're the Prince of Wales you say sleazier things than that.

  • Yellerdawg

    Cousin Cousine!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Show me in the constitution where it says I can't fuck my cousin.

  • Yellerdawg

    Cousin Cousine!

    • LibertyLover

      You keep repeating yourself. ;-)

      • prommie

        He sees everything twice!

        • Barrelhse

          "Wait- there's two of everybody but me!"

      • MosesInvests

        I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress….

        • Barrelhse

          My p-p-p-parrot s-s-s-stutters.

    • Yellerdawg

      It was so nice, I had to say it twice!

  • LibertyLover

    Editrix may have left out the most important quote:

    Ross, who’s out by term limits in 2014, said, “I’m somebody who can have a political future beyond this. And I’ve already been tainted.”

    • BloviateMe

      Please, further discuss the "tainting" process.

      Be very specific.

      • LIT_Fag

        Like "vetting", but from behind.

    • "On the positive side, this candidate has been pre-tainted."

    • Barrelhse

      she could always work with Orly.

  • Baconzgood

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to…THE SOUTH!

  • Generation[redacted]

    This is Obama's fault. Just another case of government overreach.

  • LibertyLover

    ROGELIO VERA, 48. The former high school friend of Rodriguez served time in federal prison on drug charges. State records show some 20 arrests dating to 1983, on charges ranging from larceny to drug possession.

    Yeah, that's someone I'd wanna spend some quality time with.

  • Radiotherapy

    Ross Moss or GTFO!

  • MissTaken

    Are we sure this isn't just the new season of Arrested Development?

  • SorosBot

    Their first date was to see Les Cousins Dangereux.

    • MissTaken

      Great minds, etc.

      • SorosBot

        I just saw that, dammit! If only I hadn't spent the time searching for the image.

    • Yeah, yeah, that would be great. Oh, and, uh, preferably French. I like the way they think.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I am pretty sure that "Rogelio Vera" is a Sacha Baron Cohen character.

  • MissTaken

    Boynton Beach City Hall
    Diversity – Integrity – Stewardship – Creativity

    Well, Miss Marlene got the 'creativity' down by not only fucking her cousin, but then bitching at said-cousin's wife for being all pissy about it. However, she should really start working on the 'diversity' thing by maybe fucking people who don't share her DNA.

  • rickmaci

    Hey, give her a break. At least it wasn't her brother, unlike most of the relationships in trailer trash world.

    • prommie

      Hey, whats that you got on?

    • Barrelhse

      She doesn't HAVE a brother, is my guess.

  • So she likes "bad boys", so what? Since when is that a disqualification for politics?

  • mavenmaven

    Marlene Ross, meet Anthony Weiner. Anthony Weiner, meet Marlene Ross.

  • MissTaken

    Um, in the Palm Beach Post article the part that she was sexting her cousin is about halfway down. I suppose cousin-fucking is so normal there that mentioning it is just in passing.

    • SorosBot

      It's Florida, fucking someone who's not related to you probably marks you as a freak.

    • natl_indecency_cmdr

      Talk about "burying the lead"…

  • Eve8Apples

    Florida — a state so stupid they can't even get incest right.

  • Exhausted66

    Loading Boyton Beach Memoirs into my kindle right now!

  • TribecaMike

    Sure, I'd do her cousin.

  • One_who_wanders

    In Florida reality is indistinguishable from a Carl Hiaasen novel.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Top that, Carl Hiaasen.

  • ChrisM2011

    Arkansas is yawning at your scandal, Florida. YAWNING! (Because sleeping with our cousins makes us sleepy)

  • Guppy

    She wants to spend more time with her family.

    • bobbert

      This a subtle win that has not received enough of a p-shower.

  • thefrontpage

    I've slept with various women on the Boynton Beach City Council, and, eh, they're not that great. I've also slept with several female cousins of the women on the Boynton Beach City Council, and, eh, they're not that great, either. I'd recommend the women on the Miami Beach, Fort Lauderdale and Saratoga Springs City Councils–they're a lot more fun!

  • ElPinche

    That's weird cuz I'm nekkid right now….except fer a toddler sock (cat's in the house).

  • "Rogelio", "Bentivolio". You will drive away the WASPS, Wonkette, with all of these characters whose names end in vowels!!

    • Barrelhse

      Sounds kinda like one of them Shakespeare plays, don't it?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Wait … How did the Honey Boo Boo get into my Wonkette feed?

  • And this is why you don't fuck your first cousin.

    /J. Walter Weatherman'ed/

  • natl_indecency_cmdr

    Florida! Come for the sunshine, stay for the incest and blackmail and sexting and corrupt politics!

  • I_P

    The Aristocrats!!1!

  • Negropolis

    Is Boinkin' Beach the best city government in Florida, or the best city government in Florida evah?

  • oldgrowthswamp

    800 pound 13 foot lizards are running around. Somethin's gotta give.

  • ttommyunger

    In Missouri we believe incest is OK so long as it is kept within the family. In Fact, as a Missourian, I see nothing noteworthy or remarkable about this story.

  • schvitzatura

    Hazme una medianoche, vaca estúpida!


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