sad trombone

Sad Republicans Will Be Unable To Steal Pennsylvania

better luck in Voter ID IIHey, remember that guy who bragged that the state of Pennsylvania would go for Miffed Romney — despite an unprecedented 142 percent polling gap — because they had implemented voter ID? It’s done, he said, and in tones similar to the whole Diebold “we are committed to delivering the state of Ohio for George W. Bush” claimed that voter ID had just gifted Romney the commonwealth. Well, sadly, yes it is done. Because now a judge has made some ruling or other (Atrios calls it a “clusterfuck,” but Atrios is very gloomy these days) saying, yeah, poll workers can still ask for ID, and then you say “I ain’t got one” and then they give you a ballot and then you vote! So what is the purpose of the poll workers asking in the first place? Well, you know, like, Solomon or something. Everyone loves half a baby! Still, this is a very, very good outcome for the almost 800,000 Pennsylvanians who were not going to be able to cast a vote because James O’Keefe once claimed to be dead.

So now olds and youngs and poors what got no cars do not have to show up to the understaffed DMV and show the birth certificate and the marriage certificate and the name-change order from when they got their sex change and also four other forms of photo ID all notarized and with the raised seal (AND DON’T FORGET THE LONG-FORM!), in order to get their state-approved papers to exercise their constitutional right of suffrage.

That judge is a communist.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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Comments

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  • Ryy

    Creeping Sharia!

    • Steverino247

      Sorry, but Creeping Sharia does not grow well in Pennsylvania at this time of year.

      Steverino247
      President,
      Creeping Sharia Horticultural Society

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wish she would.

      Oh, ShaRia?

      My bad.

      • prommie

        My Sharona! Gun it coming over the line, Sharona!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        My my my i yi woo! M M M My Sharia…

    • IonaTrailer

      If only we could edit out the Tea Baggers like a Saudi Ikea catalog.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Not one of Metallica's best efforts.

    • Esteev

      The Sharia is creeping from inside the country!

    • MrsConclusion

      Is that anything like Waltzing Matilda?

  • Barbara_

    It's a great day for America!

    • sudsmckenzie

      I'm going to cold call folks in South Carolina just to be sure.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Say, this is good news. I’m going to drive over there from Minnesota so I can join in the Pennsylvania voting orgy.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Start your morning in Philly and stop in every precinct you can as you make your way west back home!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You could pay someone to vote twice. But, the drive might be nice.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      We in Washington could borrow Ken Kesey's bus and join you as we have executed all our poll workers, or something, and now have to vote by mail.

      ♪♫ Too much, magic bus ♫♪

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The bought-and-paid-for judge probably just realized the Republican was gonna get creamed whether they fixed the vote or not, and decided it's better to lose a fair election than one you rigged.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Really, it's bad enough to have to rig an election to win it, but still worth the effort.

      But when you know you're going to lose anyway? Well, let's just say being evil 24/7 is a lot of hard work; you have to pace yourself.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "The plane has crashed into the mountain!!"

    Ha ha.

    • Esteev

      You're not privy to the new shit.

  • veritass

    It's a sad, sad day for Project Veritass.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    This is good news for Zombie voters.

    • Mittaplasia

      Election day…bring out 'yer dead!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Based on the maths (I know, fucking communist and non Xtian), all Barry needs to do is win PA and it's over for Mittens. Gone like workers jobs at a Bain bought out company.

    • PsycWench

      Jeez, I bet you even used Arabic numerals for that math. It's probably on the no-fly list.

    • IonaTrailer

      Not to mention he's ahead in Ohio!

      Fingers crossed and breathing lightly….

  • Goonemeritus

    Pennsylvania’s fall back plan is to suspend all Philadelphia ballot boxes 20 feet off the ground and then outlaw ladders over 10 feet high.

    • PubOption

      Because white men can't dunk. Wait a minute….

    • Terry

      They're going to need to do that in the rest of the State, too.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Or bring the schlong form, which is a drawing of James O'Keefe.

  • Radiotherapy

    Gettysburg II

    • prommie

      Pickett's charge repulsed again!

  • PsycWench

    Damn, it's almost like they'll let any citizen 18 or older without a felony conviction vote.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And sometimes even that latter part don't matter! Criminey, it's like nobody believes in traditional values no more!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      But still, you know there's going to be a few precincts in Pensultucky where the guy handing out the ballots is going to assume brown = felony, and try to withhold the ballot.

  • sbj1964

    Cheaters never prosper,as the saying go's.The GOP has forgotten most Americans have a sense of fair play,and they were trying to steal what they could not win.

    • http://barbarianwarfare.blogspot.com/ serf

      really ??? D&R parties denied gary johnson to be in the debates.
      they gerrymander this country into little thiefdoms just to keep their power.
      fair play LMAO
      D&R parties have been picking winners and losers for decades and they always pick the private sector worker as the loser and then sticks them with the bill.

      • sbj1964

        I was wrong about you.I see that now.Death to Rodger!The teatard fuck monkeys of hate will have another 4 years to bitch about a black man for a President.The GOP will continue to lose as long as they field the roster of idiots.As a party they are doomed as long as they would rather sell their souls for hates sake nominating a Mormon.They are done.Obama 2012! Done deal.3rd party bullshit is just stupid in the real world with all due respect get a clue.PS big fan of your work!

        • WTE

          I agree death to him

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLNn2YflwNs Roger

            You always look for any excuse to advocate for violence.

  • Sue4466

    Can I comment that seriously, if I hear one more fucking supposedly-Constitution-loving Teabagger say "if you have to show ID to cash a check/board a plane/etc. so you should have to have one to vote" I'm going to scream? Same people who think the Second Amendment is too sacred to prevent certifiably crazy people buying guns somehow think the right to vote should be negotiable. Especially when it's the poors and the browns/blacks and olds likely Democratic voters doing the voting.

    • memzilla

      Try asking them to point out in the Constitution where it says you have to show photo ID to vote. Because all Tea Klux Klanners are original interpretists.

      Alternatively, tell them "Because cashing a check/boarding a plane/etc. is not a CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED RIGHT, you thread-stripped wingtard!"

    • PubOption

      But, if they have to show an ID to buy a gun, there will be a record of their address, so the guys from the black helicopters will know where to go to confiscate their guns.

      • Mittaplasia

        More brownshirts, stat! Those FEMA camps should be overflowing by now. Lather up, it's shower time!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      On any given subject, if you just follow their logic, well … you don't get very far.

    • T3rbo

      Well, when you fly, you have to consent to being groped and or having questionable TSA employees looking at your junk via scanners, so why shouldn't you have to do that to vote?
      It's a failure of our educational system-these people want to absolutely shred the beloved constitution by prohibiting those who they perceive as possible enablers of a massive communist conspiracy from voting, why? The conspiracy here obviously originates with those who are formulating these extreme right wing ideas, because those who will loudly defend voter suppression really don't understand why the issue even matters. Those who are the tea (and rascal scooter) toting foot soldiers do not have the critical thinking skills, logical skills, or base of knowledge to defend themselves from some really dangerous ideas or to even come up with any of these ideas.
      The really scary thing, to me, is not that this is some folk movement with its own organic ideas, it's that these tea folk adopt these insane ideas without a second thought. If these people really had a network that distributed information from noted experts on constitutional law or current events, I would be for it. Instead, this network of simple tea folk exists to spread ideas that, at best, are designed to keep certain politicians in office, and at worst, this network functions to spread ideas that are dangerously anti-democratic and, for lack of a better term, fascist.
      Ideas that are organic to a group are debated, at least somewhat, by the group, not just forwarded blindly and loudly shouted in public. The tea party network is dangerous because it does not involve critical thinking or even the formulation of new ideas or theories, it just involves manipulation of well intentioned, but wildly ignorant, citizens into a loud, dumb virtual mob.

    • SorosBot

      Because, they don't believe that the right to vote should be a Constitutionally protected basic right; they think we should go back to the old rules, where only white male property owners could vote.

      • T3rbo

        even worse, I have had some really confused righties tell me that the constitution in its entirety is out of date and must be replaced with something else. I'm sure they were very into Montesquieu and Locke, so I welcome their ideas. Ha, no-they probably read glenn beck, so they would replace the constitution with something like Wal-Mart with a monster truck race track

    • Callyson

      Next time you hear that crap, ask them what they think of Strategic Allied Consulting's questionable voter registration forms. You know, a case of *actual* voter fraud…committed by (gasp!) the Reeps…

  • Poindexter718

    Hmmmm, with the Republican National Committee's Strategic Allied Consulting–which just got cold busted for voter fraud rather than self-reporting it, like Acorn did–I'm beginning to wonder whether there may actually be a need for reforms in this area (though not the Straw Man variety advocated by the GOP to disenfranchise progressive voters).

  • gullywompr

    Done.

  • HarryButtle

    Well, if James O'Keefe really wants to be dead, I know some fellas who know some fellas who know a guy who can help…with votes!

    • prommie

      I once had a brother-in-law who was a longshoreman, a foreman, even. He was always so fucking eager to "help" if I had a "problem with some guy," that I had to learn not to ever say anything in front of him that my brother-in-law might interpret in such a way that he would want to help me out by "having a talk with this guy." I was always afraid he would do it as a surprise gift sometime.

      • anniegetyerfun

        My dad actually went to med school with a Gambino (he changed his name and wanted nothing to do with the family), but his uncles let him know at graduation that "anything he needed help with… ANYTHING… you just call your Uncle Gino, capisce?"

        I personally thought that that was an awesome graduation gift, but I don't think the doc ever took them up on it.

        • shelwood46

          Back in the '60s, one of the Gambinos (proud of the name and connections) was a member of my volunteer fire company. (I live in an area of NJ where the Gambinos had summer cottages for many years.) In our company minutes, it's noted that we are having trouble finding a replacement clutch for one of our fire trucks. The next month, it's noted that we need to thank Mr. Gambino for, ahem, "finding" a clutch for us in New York, no charge. I still feel sorry for whoever came back to their truck parked somewhere in NYC and discovering it no longer had a clutch.

      • MosesInvests

        My dad, a retired psychiatrist, had a patient who was a member of the Outlaws motorcycle gang. Guy assured my dad that if he ever had a problem with someone, it would be taken care of. Same guy prompted my dad to issue a standard disclaimer "Don't tell me any names of people performing criminal acts which I would then be obliged to report in spite of doctor/patient privilege."

  • T3rbo

    Did the judge say if the poll workers can dress like Klansmen or not?

    • Mittaplasia

      Minimum 500-thread count sheets so they can keep it klassy.

    • Stevola

      But not Black Panthers

  • sudsmckenzie

    The judge added the precedent "People vs. You Have to be this Height' still stands.

    • Steverino247

      In that case, I should get to vote twice.

    • Esteev

      I am pretty high. Can I vote more than once?

  • SorosBot

    But now how will we be sure there's no fraudulent voting in the election, aside from the fact that it never happens and is a completely invented imaginary problem?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Well, because shut up, that's how.

      • Esteev

        I thought it was because freedom.

    • anniegetyerfun
    • 102415

      You just ask the old bats who run the tables and watched you sign the book the next day, who voted and what time and what kind of trashy whore clothes they were wearing and whether they should go ahead and marry that girl "She's really very nice,I was in the 5th grade with her Grandma.". They know.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yo, Atrios!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Did you. Saw it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dis guy will knock ya inta next week, Mitty!

  • FakaktaSouth

    I believe most made up problems like voter fraud that don't exist in the first place should always end in clusterfucks. You know, like fighting 9-11 terrorism in Iraq, or Mitt Romney's entire campaign effort, anything Republican basically.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Obama is real weak on cat juggling, maybe Romney can use this against him.

      • Mittaplasia

        Um, Mitt outsourced that to China, so mebbe not such a hot idea? Mitt should stick to what he knows…issue-juggling.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Thats right! Why hasn't Obama come out more strongly against cat juggling?! It's a scandal!

    • T3rbo

      be careful what you wish for

    • prommie

      I am more than ready for some made-up problem clusterfucks to be over, ya know?

  • SorosBot

    Now bring on the New Black Panthers. Both of them.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Ahem. There are five, at last count.

      But Steve is pulling a double shift that day, and Leroy and Larry are visiting their gramma all week in Jersey City. So yeah, both of them, I guess.

    • oenspiek

      Wait, there's two of them? At the same time?

      Have they ever been seen together, or is it a Clark Kent / Superman kind of thing?

    • littlebigdaddy

      And one of them likes to go around in a Tigger costume.

    • tessiee

      Some schmuckette on assbook posted, "I live in rural Tennessee, and it was on the news that Black Panthers were intimidating people at the voting booths".

      This made me laugh, picturing Black Panthers "intimidating people" by, I don't know, going up and down the line of people waiting on line to vote and scowling at them or something…
      but in rural Tennessee? Sorry, not buying that. At all.

      • 102415

        They have canes!

  • owhatever

    gop now loses by an extra 47 percent.

  • Wadisay

    So, a tattoo with your name on it will work again in PA?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I would imagine it would depend on where the tattoo is located.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Eye of the voter, eye of the voter.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    But you can't hold a whole electoral system responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole electoral system? And if the whole electoral system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our governmental institutions in general? I put it to you, Democrats – isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    • SoBeach

      Toga! Toga!

    • T3rbo

      Huzzah! Throw the baby out with the bathwater!

    • tessiee

      *cough*blowjob*cough*eatme*cough*

  • el_donaldo

    It's getting a bit nippy out. Someone give Rocky a sweater.

  • mavenmaven

    Next election the Republicans will try to reinstate the 3/5 person rule for voting.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And/or grandfather clauses.

      • SorosBot

        And the property ownership requirements.

        • Esteev

          Sorry Catholics and Jews, no votes for you!

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Damn, and I already committed to go to PA, stay at some nice lady's house and help get out the vote. Might as well go anyway, not like they need me in my own neighborhood (West Harlem) which I think Barry has a lock on.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Judge Simpson hit a homer run. O'Keefe does his best doh head smack.

  • LibertyLover

    Purple fingers for everyone!

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      That's what I'm screamin'!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This is good news for Hugo Chavez.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Hey, Mitt.

    Voters are people too, my friend.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Great, now every coal miner in Pennsylvania is going out to get a sex change operation so they can get a valid ID.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    This answers that on-going question: How do you drive insecure, defensive, shrieky wingnuts right around the bend?

  • memzilla

    Quoting the ruling of The Honorable Pennsylvania State Supreme Court Justice Nelson A. Muntz: "Stop poll-taxing yourself! Stop poll-taxing yourself!"

    • Mittaplasia

      Handsome Joe will be hit with a huge pole tax now that the word's out.

  • Estproph

    But what the judge didn't say is that the voting without ID rules only apply to the Lay's Potato Chip new flavor contest.

    • oenspiek

      Smoked jalapeno. Mmm.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm voting for Tandoori!

  • PubOption

    But the judges ruling won't prevent Blackwater / Xe types from standing outside polling places, and turning away people without ID.

  • zumpie

    With Nate Silver showing the Prez 85% likely to win (and 53% of the country), Thurston's inevitable implosion tomorrow night and now this, it's welcome to week #999999999 of Puggie Butthurt

  • sudsmckenzie

    OT, Ooohh, Nate Silver is on my TeeVee. He cleans up real purty.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      WHAT CHANNEL! omgzzzz um, sorry, fangirl moment. I'll be quiet now.

  • LibrarianX

    James O'Keefe has a pulse?

    • SorosBot

      But luckily Breitbart does not.

  • LibrarianX

    Pennsylvania voters – gettin' all uppity.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I have asked this before, and I'm going to ask it again: Why can't we have purple fingers like the Iraqis? I would be so proud of my purple finger, and would hate everyone who doesn't have a purple finger.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Just hit it with a hammer. It'll get purple alright.

      • emmelemm

        I'm reading this one late, but that made me ugly snort-laugh.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Well, that would prevent voting by the dead, who are purple all over.

    • sewollef

      Well, I've asked this question before and got meself shouted at:

      Why isn't voting in a General Election mandatory? And make voting over a 3-day period — that always covers a weekend. It's just tradition dating back when people didn't have to work double-day shifts, or nights or whatever… fuck tradition, move it to the weekend!

      What is it with this shit of voting day being during the week…. people have to fucking work. Weekday voting is inconvenient for many people. It's supposed to be a celebration of a country's democracy, the ultimate expression regarding a country's future, one that everyone should participate in.

      Let's allow people to vote at their leisure and voting numbers will rise.

      • HistoriCat

        I could get down with a national version of Oregon's vote by mail system …

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Eh, they're still going to check and ask beyond the usual registration requirements, so that'll waste time and people will experience long lines at the polling stations and probably say fuck it Obama's got this, while the slavering fundies set everything aside and vote until the last dying second. I'm with Atrios on this one.

    • James Michael Curley

      In 2008 NJ made the voter who changed his residence or was voting for the first time show an ID. Anticipating that it may cause delays in a system where the Republican Poll workers had caused similar delays four years earlier, we gave our poll workers intensive instructions with the caveat that if they did not 'do their job' (properly complain to the Judge if there were obstructions) for the next election their chance to get a poll worker's position would have to start at the bottom on the list.

  • Baconzgood

    Good I hope Gov. Corbett is crying like a little bitch baby that lost her tutu.

  • prommie

    So for how long now have the Republican pricks been against "motor voter?" They were against it, before they figured out that if what you want to do is fuck a system up completely, just put the DMV in charge of it.

    • 102415

      Recalled by me too, plus the NO NATIONAL ID! squealing for my entire childhood from the Birchers. I like to say to the the RWNJS, I am for ID. I want to implant a microchip into your arm just to see how many guns you buy and whether a doctor can legally resuscitate you under Obama care.

  • Baconzgood

    I'm very happy to be a part of the tax paying citizenry of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania today.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      Just remember that feeling when you're standing on voting day behind a long line of zombies.

  • Sassomatic

    This is what happens when you let women vote.

  • Baconzgood

    How does this get the Steelers to start winning?

  • Sassomatic

    Mailers notifying people without ID to vote on Wednesday in 3 . . 2 . ..

  • prommie

    Oh and thank God they took that fucking statue off the fucking steps. Fucking Stallone, man, jeezus I hate that fucking shit.

    • SorosBot

      That statue was only on the steps briefly, way back in the early 80s; it was then moved down to old Vet stadium for decades, then moved to its present location near but not on the Art Museum when that was torn down.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Where are those scrap metal thieves when you need 'em?

  • Dildeaux

    Moochers United!

  • Exhausted66

    Kennedy Wins Pennsylvania

  • barto

    Then, to really blow their minds, after you vote, get back in line!

  • Callyson

    YES!!!!!!!!!

  • Guppy

    As a recent returnee to the Land of Mary, I'd just like to say how disconcerting it is to be "The Sane One" between Pennsylvania and Virginia.

    I mean, really.

  • ttommyunger

    I wouldn't breathe too easy yet, Pilgrims; this is the State where they erected a life-like Bronze Statue to a fictional movie character and placed it on public property…

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    Voter ID II and III are just more rematches against the Blahs. Voter ID IV gets interesting, though, as it for some reason focuses solely on disinfranchising Russian immigrants, the vast majority of whom can't vote anyway.

    Voter ID V involves a fairly convoluted storyline that somehow results in Republicans exclusively disenfranchising Young Republicans, to everyone's delight.

  • rickmaci

    Re-election of Barack Obama. Done!

  • DahBoner

    Atrios is very gloomy these days

    FRIST?!?!?1!!!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but am I screwing something up? When I log into Wonkette, I don't see the current stories…just the ones from other the weekend. I can only get here via FB…and that's just sad.

  • amarikah

    They can't steal PA and now Philly's going to get Poe's body (Baltimore FORFEITS!): https://twitter.com/kylecassidy/status/2529032611

  • Negropolis

    If they are going to steal this election, they are going to have to do it their own old fashioned way: at the ballot box.