Film Sent To Over A Million Voters Explores Pressing Policy Question Of Whether Obama’s Mom Was A Slut

by Kris E. Benson

Good news everyone! The Right has come to its senses and realized the most pressing question about Obama is not “where is the birth certificate?” (DUH) it’s actually “was Obama’s father the left wing poet and activist Frank Marshall Davis?” and! “did Davis take nudie pics of Obama’s mom that later appeared in Bizarre Life Magazine?”

Pressing questions indeed. The above excerpt is from “Dreams From My Real Father,” a film by right-wing filmmaker Joel Gilbert that argues Obama’s REAL father, poet and left-wing activist Frank Marshall Davis, met Dunham through her father, who was a CIA agent merely posing as a furniture salesman. But wait! There’s more! Davis took pictures of Obama’s mother posing in fetish wear and then sent them to a bunch of men’s magazines.

Bizarre Life Number 9--Or is it??

In the interest of journalism, we contacted Badmags.com (link NSFW) and asked editor Tom Brinkmann what he thought of the pics. His verdict is that the pics in the video (which are also featured on Daily Mail’s site, see link below) are not actually in Bizarre Life #9, and furthermore, the only woman in Bizarre Life Magazine that resembles Obama’s mom is this one:

Not Obama's Mom

And he doesn’t think it’s her. BUT STILL that doesn’t change the fact that Obama’s father might actually have been a left wing poet, which makes Obama communist for some reason. Think that this isn’t important?? Well that’s what they WANT you to think, sheeple.

[Daily Mail]

 
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{ 263 comments }

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Right wingers have really strange porn collections.

Callyson October 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I read that as "Right winters have really strange peen collections." Somehow, I think we're both right…

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:22 pm

And that's only the ones we know about!

NorthStarSpanx October 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Wait a minute, these are vintage photo's. . .you mean to tell me we were a nation of sluts before Obama's mandation to shove birth control pills down our throats?

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yes

I'll be in my bunk

anniegetyerfun October 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Our supply of knee aspirin was greater back then, though.

prommie October 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Its well know that Madonna discovered sex in 1987. Before that people just rubbed sticks together.

NellCote71 October 1, 2012 at 8:42 pm

That's what my dates always said: we're just rubbing sticks together.

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:02 pm

A Beka Books, eat your fuckin' hearts out. lol

JudasPeckerwood October 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

See, this is why we need a robot president — no sticky parentage issues. Go Mittbot!

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Only if you think a secret Meszcan father is not a sticky issue.

prommie October 1, 2012 at 2:57 pm

That parentage stuff IS so sticky, isn't it?

BoatOfVelociraptors October 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Pfft, you think republicans vs democrats is feisty, wait until you get to PC vs Mac, with the libertarian Linux loons egging you on from the side.

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Wait a second.

It says those pics are in "BLAZING COLOR" yet these are B&W.

Quick — someone VET THE PICTURES!!!111111!!!!11!!!eleven!!!11

Yellerdawg October 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It was "4 pages of blazing color", which were all cigarette ads, but you didn't find that out until AFTER you paid $0.95 for the damn magazine and then there was only ONE picture with even little bit of a nipple in it and a bunch of other black and white pictures of women who looked like someone's mother wearing leather and fishnets carrying whips. And then, when you ordered the 'real nudist' magazine from the back you got a bunch of pictures of what looked like someone's grandparents from a half mile away who may or may not have been playing badminton.

At least that's what I've been told.

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

"Sorry. You already voted on that comment!"

Stupid can't-upfisty-more-than-once commenting system …

GregComlish October 1, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I second that. The individuals pictured in this magazine are neither "colored" nor "blazing".

carlgt1 October 2, 2012 at 11:27 am

that's because they used an early version of Adobe Photoshop back then which separated all the layers a la Obama's birth certificate! ;-)

CommieDad October 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Republicans reduced to Yo-Mama jokes.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

It's like I'm a fucking latter-day Nostradamus!

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Latter Day Saint Nostradamus..

Wait, didn't I just use that last week?

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Your mama so cross eyed, bitch went to pick up a dime and came up with two nickels.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it kept on going.

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Yo mama so fat, bitch stepped on a dollar bill and made change.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Yo-yo Ma plays the cello so well, critics all around the world rejoice.

And I mean allllllllllllllllll around the world…

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yo-Yo Ma so cheap he plays on a used cello named "Petunia."

fatbob54 October 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Are these the zingers Rmoney has been working on?

GunToting[Redacted] October 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

"You're mother is sooo corpulent that when she lounges about the mansion, she lounges about the mansion

*pause*

Har. Har. Har.

fatbob54 October 1, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Your Mother is so unattractive your father had to buy a horse to dance with her at the country club…oh, wait…

kingofmeh October 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

yo mama so fat, she has to take the car elevator to get to the third floor of your manse!

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Your mater is so unsophisticated that she thinks "Standard & Poors" is the Democrat party!

Gleem McShineys October 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Your female gendered parental unit is extremely obese, therefore, clever yet illogical wordplay must be used to describe her! Humor program complete."

AlterNewt October 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

*pause for laughter*

*resume campaign speech sub-routine*

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Your mother is so poverty-stricken that she applies for the EITC on her tax returns!

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Yo momma so ugly when she signed up for an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Wait til they find the movies she made with John Holmes.

Dudleydidwrong October 1, 2012 at 3:18 pm

And at least two starring "Long Dong Silver" with bit parts by one aspiring actor named Clarence Thomas.

vulpes82 October 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Only in the fevered imaginations of rabid racist who think "they all look alike" would there be any resemblance to be seen between Obama and Davis.

frostbitefalls October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Gee, they're both looking in the same direction. What more do you need?

Geminisunmars October 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

They're both looking to the left, right?

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Thank you, and ditto for Malcolm X.

kittensdontlie October 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Davis really isn't that scary, I would have went with Malcolm X for maximum white-scare factor.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

They did that one already though, they needed someone new for their conspiracy bullshit:
http://gawker.com/5071373/bombshell-obama-malcom-

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

They've also been beating the Davis dead horse for years.

kittensdontlie October 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Ah, a Pam Gellerism….

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

So is his real father Frank Marshall Davis or Saul Alinsky? I am so confused.

GunToting[Redacted] October 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Would that make Penny Marshall his aunt?

NellCote71 October 1, 2012 at 8:52 pm

And Saul Bellow his uncle? Nancy Davis? Where does she fit in?

vulpes82 October 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Davis and Alinsky were gay married, so BOTH!

Preacher_Griz October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

HAWT!!!!!

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I got a copy! Haven't watched it yet but sometime this week… movie night!

KeepFnThatChicken October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

You should upload that shit to Youtube from a McDonald's. And review it for us! How many TruckNutz will it get?

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Oh, I'll write some manner of review. I love giving my asinine and utterly non-requested opinion.

RufusTFirefly October 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Is there an address so we can ALL send away for one? The entertainment value would be awesome and it would cost them a bunch of money at the same time.

sbj1964 October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Funny I was under the impression right wing nuts only looked at nude Sean Hannity pics.

YasserArraFeck October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I thought nude Hannity photos were only available at http://www.ripleysbelieveitornot.com in the "Human-Slug Hybrid!!!!!" section

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

All of a sudden I feel like I should be spanked.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

He was born a poor black child…

kittensdontlie October 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Well, black and white–on the inside, much like the beloved Oreo.

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:24 pm

And grew up white and middle class with his grandparents

Doktor Zoom October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Everyone knows the Commie Gene is dominant.

(So why do the women have the whips, I want to know…)

KeepFnThatChicken October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Fifty Shades of Gray

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Fifty Shades of Cray.

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Fifty Shades of Grey — it's English English.

Like what I write (and speak).

KeepFnThatChicken October 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Beats me. I'm American, and to hell with reading.

FakaktaSouth October 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I don't know, but as I have always wanted to be a good commie, I suppose I'm gonna have to go online and get me one of these things. And cause I like smacking people.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:43 pm

If you, you know, need to practice…

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Remember the safe word!

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Shouldn't be a problem: "Politburo" is totes memorable.

HistoriCat October 1, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Green balloons!

Boojum October 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Yes, because you really don't already have one. Of course.

FakaktaSouth October 1, 2012 at 3:21 pm

yes yes, a whip AND a safeword – both called prommie. you got me.

prommie October 1, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Ix-nay on the ip-way! Geeze!

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Are you referring to The Proms — Arthur Promzarelli?! He can download songs free from iTunes just by whacking an iPhone!!

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yeah, they should be makin' sammiches!!! Now that's hawt!

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Just repeat after me: "one drop rule."

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

"Obama’s father might actually have been a left wing poet"

So wingnuts are convinced that Obama will rule over us all with oppressive, communist, islamofascist … iambic pentameter?

These fuckers really are all out of ideas, aren't they? I mean, really. They're not even trying any more.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Free verse!

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Free verse the poetry of liberal fascism."
–Jonah Loadpants

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Rhyme scheme rules!

Looks like Schoolhouse Rock was just part of the Islamofascisthippiecommiefag hegemony.

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

they're phoning it in (on Obamaphones, no less)

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

My granpa played the Obamaphone for the Edmonton Symphony.

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

All he needs now is a beret and bongoes and he'll be all set!

finallyhappy October 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Haiku-that's from Kenya, right?

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Considering that Obama barely knew his actual father, and did not know at all anyone the crazed conspiracy theorists claim was really his father, what the fuck difference would it matter who it was? I don't get it.

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

The difference is subtle:

Kenyan dad = NOT AMERICAN!

Poet dad = NOT REAL AMERICAN

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Sort of like how they get wide eyed frantic over his "muzlin-ness" andddddd "but Reverand Wright!!!". I guess it gives the party they are speaking to two options to hate the HNIC as much as they do.

Self-Uploader October 1, 2012 at 3:09 pm

This is because you are thinking LOGICALLY. This is "real-world thinking." You need bizarro-conspiracy world thinking to understand the significance of this. Frank Marshall commie-negro PURPOSELY impregnates naive fellow traveler teen (who poses for dirty pix to both support and bring supporters to the commie cause). They use African student Barack Obama as a cover, thinking this would explain the child's dark complexion without making him an American Negro, and thus he'd be more appealing to white people. (I know, I know. It doesn't have to make sense). They raise him on a steady diet of communism with some CIA new world order stuff thrown in. (I know, I know. But like I said in this bizarro world commie/CIA/Brezinski it's ALL the same, maybe Z. Brezinski was a deep cover mole or something). They get him into Columbia where he is programmed and receives the order to move to Chicago and hook up with terrorists while marrying a well-placed African American attorney (newsflash: They're both really GAY). And then they get him into politics while duping old timey liberals. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Wow. How do you know all this stuff?

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Obama DID know Frank Marshall Davis, and wrote about him in "Dreams Of My Father". This whole elaborate hoax/fantasy is based on that fact. http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2012/10/01/drea

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Because they're trying to make the case that a BLACK MAN corrupted Obama's innocent white mother and produced a horrid mulatto child with her.

You may have heard this story before in the classic wingnut porn: Birth of a Nation.

veritass October 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Somehow, Wonkette got this scoop before my crazy old uncle sent it to me in an email forward. That's really an amazing accomplishment. I'm much better prepared now, and for that I thank you.

Gleem McShineys October 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I'm sure your uncle was just about to forward it, he was just running it through spell check first.

(his penis, that is)

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I wonder if she gave BJs as good as a certain First Lady.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

And what about her secret porn flicks?

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Marcus was First Lady?!

vulpes82 October 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Mamie Eisenhower was a dirty, dirty girl.

KeepFnThatChicken October 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

So the over/under here, apparently, is that white people still think all black folks look alike.

sudsmckenzie October 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

And Cocktober begins with a swing and a miss.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I bet Chief Korir is behind this

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:12 pm

That's what she said.

LibertyLover October 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Have they no sense of shame, sir? At long last, have they left no sense of decency?

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

No.

ElPinche October 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

You know you're winning when the other side calls you a commie (nigger) , marxist (nigger), thug (nigger), kenyan (nigger), muslim (nigger), elitist (uppity) homosexual who's mom is a slut.

KeepFnThatChicken October 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

A n*gger-loving slut, thank you.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm

But whips and leather!

greenloner October 1, 2012 at 8:15 pm

You forgot "fascist (nigger)."

LastGasp October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

CIA agent merely posing as a furniture salesman.

Oh suuure, because it's well known that spies and other national security threats spend most of the day checking out sofas and Barcaloungers.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

But the Ottomans! THE OTTOMANS!

Boojum October 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Turk libel!!!

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I thought the CIA agent was a nice touch. For what reason – who the fuck knows?! But ya, let's go with CIA agent. Hired by JFK? Why the hell not?!!! Wearing dresses with J Edgar ? Oh, ya!

Let's fill in some more details.

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

A CIA agent posing as a furniture salesman in Kansas, wasn't it? Not that Kansas doesn't bear some watching. Crazy people out there.

no_gravity October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

When god closes the door on one right wing nut job conspiracy theory he opens the window to another right wing nut job conspiracy.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And the right wing nut jobs barge through the wall, ooooohhhhh yeahhhhhh.

barto October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I'm waiting anxiously for my copy – should make an excellent coaster!

Baconzgood October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I find this easy to masterbate to.

Allmighty_Manos October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Just to note that My Little Pony is my kid's favorite show so now I can never get away with it. Thanks.

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Well, there IS that one episode where Rarity dresses all beatnik…

orygoon October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Texas Representative Blake Farenthold's (R-stupid) stepgrandmother was a pretty cool Democrat. In Texas. Which makes him–damn., all too typical.

orygoon October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Texas Representative Blake Farenthold's (R-stupid) stepgrandmother is a pretty cool Democrat. In Texas. Which makes him–damn., all too typical.

ThankYouJeebus October 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Who knew Mama Obama was a MILF?

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

His, um, dad?

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

And really, who doesn't appreciate slutty moms?

c1js October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I got one of these DVDs in the mail, OMG! I planned to watch it later for S&G. Can't believe they actually thought sending it to me would be a productive endeavor, but since I'm in Ohio I guess they were desperate. Still having fun Twitter-taunting them about their waste of resources ;)

ThundercatHo October 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm

You got a DVD? Shoot all I get are phone calls and mailings from Americans for Porksterity every damn day.

c1js October 1, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Thank the Lawd I'm not getting that! I get Democratic stuff almost entirely, so this was a special *ahem* treat outa nowhere. And oh yeah, I got the full 95 minute version. LOL that some right-wing sap wasted their donation on little ole moi ;)

Freedom (except for vaginas) Works was up in my kitchen for awhile when I lived in Oregon, but they finally got lost in the move I guess. Boo hoo…

Jus_Wonderin October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Are the World Wide Intertubez slow for the rest of you today?

finallyhappy October 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I heard on the radio that Verizon has a problem in some places- but I didn't pay attention to where- sorry

Mumbletypeg October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

What a sick sad bunch of sad sicko's.

EatsBabyDingos October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I asked Gilbert if he had ever been back to where he was born. When he replied "yes," I said "Tight squeeze, isn't it?"

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Keeping with the "yo mama is so…" vein – not so much for him.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Not only did I hear Obama's mom had an interracial child, I heard she had two of them!

SmutBoffin October 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Was Obama even of Woman born? Perhaps he twas ripp'd untimely from his Mother's womb?!

NOT MAH PRESIDENT OF CAWDOR

no_gravity October 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Obama’s REAL father, poet

The real conspiracy is that when Obama gets re-elected he's going to make everyone speak in iambic pentameter.

SmutBoffin October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

And say "Lo!" and shit like that.

UnholyMoses October 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

We'll all have to snap after his speeches instead of clapping.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I already own two black berets, so I'm cool with all this, Daddy-o

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

That all got changed in the '80s and '90s with the Poetry Slam. Now, snapping means "please stop, you are so goddamned bad," and escalates to hissing and audible groaning.

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Wouldn't that be awesome? Half-a-million people on the mall during the inaugeration snapping?

doloras October 1, 2012 at 6:00 pm

We speak that way more often than we think.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Your move, Betty Page.

deanbooth October 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm

The Daily Mail is just hoping to increase their Betty Page views.

StealthMuslin October 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Mitt Romney's real mother was a centrifuge.

SmutBoffin October 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm

His father was a mixture of genetic material collected from history's greatest assholes.

JaceWyatt October 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Do we call her Mother Board?

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I make a habit of not paying attention to the Daily Hate Mail. It serves me well.

BTW, the first hint that the images claimed to have come from Bizarre Life in fact don't, should have been that copyright claim at the bottom, one presumes that as a published magazine, all images actually in Bizarre Life are copyright controlled and someone else trying to claim such rights would be opening themselves up to a hefty lawsuit toot sweet.

Tundra Grifter October 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

The only thing I know about the "Daily Mail" is that right wing nutz over on Amazon quote it as a reliable source. Is it the "National Inquirer" of Great Britian? Only the NI sometimes gets the story right?

Maybe it's the English Wing Nutz Daily?

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

It's a bit of both; like Murdoch's The Sun, it's a combination National Inquirer-style gossip rag and NY Post-style right-wing propaganda outfit.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

No, they have actual news staff and cover actual news, only with a major rightward-slant. Closest US reference point is probably WaTimes, only with more actual endorsing of Hitler and the British Union of Fascists.

doloras October 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Let Dan and Dan explain it to you.

SigDeFlyinMonky October 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Bizarre Boys' Life?

SigDeFlyinMonky October 1, 2012 at 2:21 pm

The desperate mud trolls continue to feed on the moldering money pile collected by the criminally insane wingnut billionaires

Gleem McShineys October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Mitt's opposition-research people are scouring old porn for pictures of Obama's parents.

So we can definitively say that there are people out there, getting paid big SuperPAC dollars, basically beating off for Mitt Romney.

JOB CREATOR!

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

For Kleenex

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:07 pm

As soon as they've scrutinized all existing gay porn they'll start screening straight stuff for Mama Obama.

Tequila Mockingbird October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Joel Gilbert is actually – I'm not making this up – a Bob Dylan impersonator. For the last 20 years he's toured the country doing shitty Dylan covers while whinging into a microphone and looking disheveled. Only in the last few years has he begun doing strange low-budget conspiratorial/propagranda films. One of them, called "Paul McCartney Really is Dead," claims that… um… Paul was killed in a car accident in 1966 and replaced by a lookalike. Yeah. Stream it on Netflix if you have a bottle of Wild Turkey and some brain cells to kill.

Also, this. Because it's Monday.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The McCartney-is-Dead thing is like 50 years old. I remember when it first broke in 1968/69, on a radio station in Michigan.

doloras October 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Funnily enough, I bet he'll be the last Beatle standing, and is fully prepared to whack Ringo to make sure of it.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Upfisted for the cat pic alone.

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

That kittie looks one hell of a bruiser. Wouldn't want to get on his/her wrong side.

kittensdontlie October 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Why doesn't he show his long-form DNA Certificate??!!

PsycWench October 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I also heard that Obama was born naked.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

And they wrapped him in the Muslin. Swaddle, swaddle.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:09 pm

So, there are claims that he was a rapper at birth? Also. Too?

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I also heard that Obama was born naked.

No-fucking-way! Ok, you're just making shit up now…..

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I heard that for a full two years he regularly pooped his pants.

Dashboard Buddha October 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Oh, he'll poop his pants alright…once Romney unleashes his game-changer game wining strategy for winning…any day now.

NellCote71 October 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm

What with the "zingers" he has been practicing since August.

mookwrthwilson October 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Where do I sign up for a subscription?

mavenmaven October 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"the only woman in Bizarre Life Magazine that resembles Obama’s mom is this one"

…That's only because all white women look alike.

Mumbletypeg October 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Based on his photo, the director Gilbert looks the way Breitbart must've smelled: reeking of desperation.

fatbob54 October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I like the CARL test, but I thought it was Crazy Ass Republican Losers.

HELisforHEL October 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

So so winning, this.

sharethegrief October 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

The real story here is that Mitt's great-grandfather was the slut.

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Do we know from which of his many wives Mitt is descended? If it was, like, number 5 then Mitt might have some 'splaining to do.

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:38 pm

This. They REALLY don't want to start going back through family trees, do they?

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

No more than usual. Where do you think you are, South Korea?

Jus_Wonderin October 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

LOL. Yeah, I tend to think it's all about me. I know it is our internal server but just clicking to do a Google search takes about 30 seconds for the page to draw. Maybe it is me and I have had just a bit toooo much coffee.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

30 seconds is a legit gripe.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

You young whippersnappers obviously don't remember dial-up.

HistoriCat October 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

*shudder*
10 seconds after clicking – "it's starting to load!"
30 seconds – "I can see the top of her head!"
60 seconds – "here comes the nipple!"
120 seconds- "this picture is out of focus"

ThundercatHo October 1, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Get off the computer I need to make a phone call!!!

LibertyLover October 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Sissy F. was indeed a very cool Democrat. But that was before the whole state of Texas went cray cray.

ElPinche October 1, 2012 at 2:29 pm

GIlbert looks like a cross between the guy who played Booger on Revenge of the Nerds and a bag of dog shit.

glasspusher October 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Classy.

Come here a minute October 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

More claims against Stanley fall flat.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

CIA agent merely posing as a furniture salesman.

Yes. The best place to find Russian spies is in a furniture store on Mercer Island, Washington

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Undermining capitalism by selling rich white folks the wrong sofas.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Say! That wingback chair only comes with a left wingback!

HELisforHEL October 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Seriously, they have nothing left.
Fingers crossed that Mittens continues his slide. As long as he keeps talking, and his minions keep producing this ridiculous crap, it should happen.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I can't get any MORE likely to vote for Obama. But if I could, this would do it.

mindo99 October 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Can't anyone see the difference between the two women in question's CHINS? Omigod, how stupid are these people?

Gleem McShineys October 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

… As stupid as it takes?

MissTaken October 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm

You'll never guess WHO ELSE likes to be filmed in black leather.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Catwoman? (Michelle Pfiefer was still the best one btw).

viennawoods13 October 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Meow.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Ann Coulter. This is not a guess.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Jesus Christ. She steal those legs off a dead Junior Seau?!

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 3:41 pm

What is that, something someone stole from the costuming department for that John Carter movie?

BTWBFDIMHO October 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Ann Romney, after riding Rafalca for half an hour?

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Is it too late for Mitt to follow GOP tradition and auction her off at Sturgis?

viennawoods13 October 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Diana Rigg?

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Ah, Diana Rigg in the Avengers. She played a major role in my sexual awakening.

Blueb4sinrise October 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm

All the wingers visiting our profiles finally got their wish.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Weird. I just watched a documentary on Netflix this weekend about Bob Dylan, and it was produced by this same "Highway 61 Entertainment." WTF?

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Apparently the filmmaker is obsessed with Dylan and has done a bunch of (unauthorized) documentaries about him. Weird that someone so racist is into a Jewish artist who was a big voice of the Civil Rights movement, but there you go.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yeah, I noticed there was no actual Dylan recordings used, only music from some "tribute" band, and only 2nd or 3rd tier acquaintances of Dylan's provided comments/interviews. Pretty lame, especially when compared to Scorsese's No Direction Home.

CommieDad October 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

This is racist ignorant crap. If all you have left is to scare people with this shit, then:

1) You think Americans are stupid. Most of them aren't.

2) You're fucking desperate.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

You think Americans are stupid. Most of them aren't.

Even if that were true, why do I have the feeling that they're not the ones that vote?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

So this guys his dad, but he is still a secret Kenyan muslin, right?

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Of course. Because Barry Seotera in Indonesia Moozlin Terror camp for kids. Also, too, went to Pack-a-stan when US citizens were blocked but not really blocked from doing so.

HE WON'T STOP UNTIL 'MERICA IS ROONED!!!!! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT POTUS OF POET DAD'S DO!!!!

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

And a secret Ethan Allen salesman, it would appear.

John Birf Society October 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Isn't this just the novelization of "Creams from my real father"?

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Like that popular tv show I Cream on Jeannie.

under_score October 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I'm not convinced unless that video does one of those morph thingys to show me positive proof of parentage.

Like when I saw the Alfred E. Newmann & GW Bush one? Totes related.

mrpuma2u October 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

STEAL THIS VINTAGE FAPBOOK! Apologies to Mr. Hoffman.

CrunchyKnee October 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

LEFT WING POET!!!!!111!!1111one!!!111 OH NOES!!!!!!1

Get on your Hoverounds and ride, people!

randcoolcatdaddy October 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

There needs to be more investigation of this vintage porn. That blonde in the first photo looks like J. Edgar Hoover.

SayItWithWookies October 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This is bad news for Dinesh D'Souza.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Wake up sheeple! They're both holding their heads at almost the exact same angle!!!1!1!!

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Needz moar Iranian rockets.

BlueStateLibel October 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I'm waiting for them to go after Bo, the Obamas' dog. I hear Bo is best friends with the tabby cat in the White House kitchen, for a start.

finallyhappy October 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Already did- because he isn't a shelter dog or that the girls don't really have allergies so they didn't need a dog like Bo- and most important, Teddy Kennedy gave them Bo

Negropolis October 1, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Plus, he's one of those filthy Portuguese.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Can we skip the Sunday textbook posts and have an in depth series on vintage s&m porn instead?

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Hear, hear!

AddHomonym October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Coming soon: feature film starring Alan Arkin as the fake furniture store owner. "If we're going to fake sell funiture, I want to really fake sell fake furniture."

Pat_Pending October 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

So my racist mother-in-law is sending this YouTube video around, billed as 'This Will Bring Obama Down': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJfufR7dUM8

I'm afraid if I click on it that I will become part of the right wing mind meld…

bikerlaureate October 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Bring the President down?
Well, perhaps a mite offended… but he doesn't seem to stay depressed for long.

viennawoods13 October 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

And right off the bat, they repeat the Churchill bust canard.

Pat_Pending October 1, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Even better, I got a YouTube reply to my comment that the video was stupid:facts are stupid.You= liberal.This shit just writes itself!

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Talk about a fail conspiracy/plot. Obama finally gets to take power and the commies of the world are nearly all gone, save for few holdouts without power.

joobajooba October 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Retrospank!

ndisang67 October 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It's the RW cottage industry that spunned off Obama since 2008. Apparently some fools get separated from their monies when they see stuff like this…

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

This is old, old shit from 2008-9 — all of it, every detail, down to the phony porn pictures. I'm surprised that a Wonkette writer is writing about it as something new.

This site is systematically taking apart the whole thing (what a sad commentary that it needs doing): http://barackryphal.blogspot.com/2012/09/joel-gil

Those porn photos were debunked a few years ago as being photos of Marcy Moore, a well-known '50s-'60s porn model: http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/09/21/alabama-r

One of the more despicable trailers for this movie features Marcy Moore, a 1950′s pin-up model, who the filmmaker claims is Obama’s mother, Ann Dunham, based on nothing other than a faint physical resemblance. Exotique #2 is the magazine identified as the one in which Obama’s mother appeared, but since the 36 issues of Exotique were published between 1955 and 1959 it seems highly unlikely that Ann Dunham, born in 1942, was the woman in these photos.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I'm surprised that a Wonkette writer is writing about it as something new.

With HuffPo getting all the sideboob clickies, Wonkett had to do something!

zumpie October 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

That one dress in front is super cute. I would've totally worn that, with those boots when I was younger. But her hair's kinda fugly.

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Direct your fucking idiot "friends" and relatives here for information on what Ann Dunham was really about:
http://www.uhfoundation.org/donor_resources/givin

mr bojangles October 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

what the ???? that's it i'm voting for the white guy!

BTWBFDIMHO October 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I wish Lindsay Lohan have an opportunity to meet that film director.

sati_demise October 1, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Will add this to the Michelle Obama "Whitey" tape file.

Calapine October 1, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Wait. So you are saying it's not even a conspiracy theory, but they flat out lie?!

Shouldn't that be a scandal or something?

BTWBFDIMHO October 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

But, what about Michelle Obama's mother, eh?

Radiotherapy October 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Finally, the Wonkette gets a little class. Some fine art magazines.
/ little to no snark.

scorpy1 October 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

From one of the Daily Mail's screen-caps of the site:
"Mark Davis' yearbook photo…is strikingly similar to Barack Obama's high school photos".

I suppose they are if you squint really hard and strongly believe that all black people look the same.

La_Cieca October 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Obama's mom is Joan Collins?

owhatever October 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Getting a woman to dress up sexy is a bad thing?

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Needz moar aborted fetus pr0n.

Dashboard Buddha October 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm

My mom went a long time after my dad died before she started dating again. And the first dude out of the gate was Jim. Jim was 11 years her junior and even to my 11 year old eyes was a creepy bucktoothed motherfucker. (hey-!). Anyway, my buddy Roger and I were riding past his trailer park when I come up with the great idea of paying Jim a visit. It was a mess (we didn't care…our rooms were worse) and Jim was kinda nice and gave us Coke. I remembered he borrowed a tool that belonged to my brother and I asked if I could get it. He said yah and it was in the back bedroom on the dresser. Entering the room, what should I behold but stacks and stacks of not anything classy like Playboy (for a given value of classy), but piles of those really nasty rags from the early 70s where naked women were synonymous with "beaver shots" and they had black bands across their eyes to hide their identity. It was an eye-opening experience. An experience where, I have wondered lo these many years, when would I use this information.

And then came Wonkette.

BaldarTFlagass October 2, 2012 at 8:08 am

So how'd things go between your mom and Jim?

Dashboard Buddha October 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

My uncle had to beat the shit out of him when he threatened my mother. Thank god we went through this shit during the 70s instead of the 90s or we'd have been on the Maury Povich show. We were that kind of family.—

ttommyunger October 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I spent two fucking hours on the phone with my disappointingly Right-Leaning Son this morning trying to explain to him that the reason none of these idiotic smears aren't reported in the Media is that THERE IS NOTHING TO THEM. Youth is indeed squandered on the young. In fairness to him, he is stationed in Kentucky, where the Derp is strong, indeed.

BaldarTFlagass October 2, 2012 at 8:09 am

The Derp there goes through perimeter fences and access gates as if the sentries weren't even there.

ttommyunger October 2, 2012 at 8:14 am

I fear sometimes it lives and thrives within the Perimeter Fence and seeps outward.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Schmegeg October 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

So she really didn't fly to Kenya? Rather, to a photo shoot. Keep it classy Wingnuts! Any other dead people you want to slander?? Carter again? Oh, right, he's still alive.

Gleem McShineys October 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

The things you learn from Wonkette!

In the olden tymes, women's nipples and bathing suit areas used to be strange, really dark and square shaped!

DahBoner October 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

You go with the P(ro)n collection you HAVE, not the collection you WANT…

Dashboard Buddha October 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Hey…speaking of creepy shit…I took a look at the new folks that are following me. Damn…it's like Briebart is standing right behind me.

Blunderthing October 1, 2012 at 7:12 pm

The Desperate Machine comes to life and begins belching smoke. How many ways are there left to say, "He's a dirty n*gg*r, and he wants to eff your daughters with his ebony devil's c*ck"?

Dashboard Buddha October 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Uh oh…Beck has enlisted the help of Team God.

http://jezebel.com/5948003/god-planning-to-use-ma

Or in other words…god to electorate: Pull my finger.

Dashboard Buddha October 1, 2012 at 8:11 pm

CIA agent merely posing as a furniture salesman.

"The fat man reclines at dusk".

Wh-what?

"Ummm, the lever is on the right side."

What lever?!

"Errrr, the emperor sits upon the easy chair?"

Look, I'm I just want to find the hardware department, can you help me?

"Huh? Oh, yeah…take the elevator one floor down. It's right on your left.

NellCote71 October 1, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I believe DeLay has been reapportioned to a very special cell block himself.

FakaktaSouth October 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You know me too, too well. That's him, the Promssss. I also made him steal and listen to Jack White all weekend, and then Jack had to go and be a butt at the Radio City Music hall thing – JUST when I was making some head-way.

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