TODAY IN GOAT MURDERS  12:27 pm October 1, 2012

Watch Nancy Pelosi Try To Murder A Goat, For Satan

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

So Nancy Pelosi is a Satanic goat-murderer, obviously, and her opponent John Dennis is “not a sacrificial lamb.” Get it??? (It’s because Pelosi’s San Francisco district is about 147 percent “Not Republican.”)

So wily John Dennis delivers a nice jab from the left about how John Dennis would not have voted for indefinite detentions unlike some bloodthirsty warmongers we know! Now all the Occupy people and PETA people can make common cause against the Democrats who are just as bad as Republicans. (NADER 4EVA!) Also there are zombies, and John Dennis talks sense into them, but to us the zombies are way less rad than the Rosemary’s Baby witch coven.

Fuck Herman Cain. Fuck the Demon Sheep. Fuck the daisy ad. This commercial is a goddamn masterpiece.

[PoliticalWire]

 
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{ 152 comments }

SnarkOff October 1, 2012 at 12:30 pm

WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!1!!!!

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Nah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I assume we all understand a sheep is nothing but a wingtard religion dog whistle?

chascates October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Typical San Francisco goat murdering Democrat.

Callyson October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Now that you mention it, I have a craving for some goat cheese. Maybe for lunch…

SnarkOff October 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

It's yummy in a fetus omelet.

teebob2000 October 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm

You mean, DEMON-CRAT!!!

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Nice of the Republican members of Congress to volunteer as extras.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

No member of the Republican Caucus would be in the same room as a goat with his pants still up.

Boojum October 1, 2012 at 9:57 pm

John Dennis approves this message.

Lot_49 October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Ryan/Dennis 2016!

Let's have Ryan just keep running for shit until he takes down the whole Republican Party, and they have to change their names back to the Whig Party to escape the shame.

And this one is still the champ:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6VnTqpTqvQ

mille derps October 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm
emmelemm October 1, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Whigga, please.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Your move, Chupacabra.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

W.
T.
F?

That is all.

Mumbletypeg October 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm

♫"Mares eat oats/ And Former-House-SpeakerLady's Eat Goats…" ♪

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"Help me to beat Nancy Pelosi." = WAR ON WIMINZ!!

SexySmurf October 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Watch Nancy Pelosi Try To Murder A Goat

You should see what Mickey Kaus tried to do to it.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I make a habit of never listening to anyone that has two first names.

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Well that's awkward, our twin daughters are named Baldart and Flagass.

Callyson October 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Baldart would be a good name for an edgy gallery.

But now I will spend the rest of my day trying not to think of what kind of business should be named Flagass…

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm

A tavern, natch

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Petrol station?

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Oh, I forgot to say "Present company excepted." Doh!

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Larry Craig libelz!!!!

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:21 pm

What about two last names? Or one last name and one random word?

shelwood46 October 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

You left out, name that is contained within last name (Chris Christie, Tommy Thompson, Erik Erikson).

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

What about Major Major?

Tequila Mockingbird October 1, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Needz moar demon sheep.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Maybe it was a demon goat which will now kill us all because John Dennis prevented the former Speaker from sending it back from whence it came…

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

They're flying in on the red-eye.

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Blue zombie girl was pretty hot.

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 12:35 pm

He really nailed that debate against ridiculous pretend Nancy.

HuddledMass October 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

He is a legend in his own mind….

DalePues October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

See! Republicans get it!

ThankYouJeebus October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I want to see his medical marijuana prescriptions. Cause the 'dude' had to be baked when he thought this up.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Ol' Paul Newman is looking pretty good, for a dead guy. Even looks to have put on a few pounds.

Chow Yun Flat October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Not bad –but not in the same league as "Bloodsuckers from Outer Space".

Boojum October 1, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Kochsuckers from Outer Space was the sequel, right?

Trannysurprise October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Change the setting to James O'Qweefs dildo boat and slot in Snooki to play Pelosi and I'd watch it.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Wait, since when are there are Republicans in California?

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Since Orange County existed?

More pertinently, since when are there Republicans in San Francisco?

ThankYouJeebus October 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm

There was one at the dog park this morning railing about how trickle down really would work if it wasn't for the greedy people.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Orange County hasn't seceded and changed their name to "West Arizona" yet?

GeorgiaBurning October 1, 2012 at 1:30 pm

They'd like to, but that would mean having to mow their own lawns

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Pfft, that's what prison labor is for. Round up the potheads!

GeorgiaBurning October 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Only until the tour bus leaves.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Since Proposition 13?

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 1:50 am

Hell, you get in a few dozen miles from the coast, and you might as well be in Oklahoma.

weejee October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Callyson October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

No animals, politicians or zombies were harmed in the making of this video

However, the arts of script writing, acting and film making were slaughtered.

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

John Dennis is a father, husband and entrepreneur and has been endorsed by former Vice Presidential candidate Matt Gonzalez. C'mon, you know who that is.

I just wanted everyone to know that before we take the piss out of him.

OK, fire away!

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 1:55 am

Yeah, but he willfully chose to run as a Republican, which is worth a great deal of criticism all by itself.

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Worst parody of the Walking Dead ever.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Needs more pointless fucking about on a farm while absolutely nothing happens.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The pointless fucking is just so I don't demand my money back for watching shitty films. Also too so Lindsay Lohan can still have a *career*.

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:16 pm

When is it ever pointless?

Neoyorquino October 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

"Talk to the hand." Is it 1993 again?

mrpuma2u October 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

We killed a goat sometimes for easter. Maybe she was killing it because of the drought and she couldn't afford grains. RUMINANT LIBELZ, also.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

From his Wiki page:
"Dennis supports gay marriage, opposes continuing the Afghanistan and Iraq Wars, supports legalizing marijuana (he supported California's Proposition 19). His progressive stances on social issues, which are unpopular among some within the national Republican Party, are popular in San Francisco"

Obviously, not a member of the Tea Party wing of the Republican Party. A peace sign, even…

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

He'd still vote for Boehner for Speaker though. While all politics may be local, it's also true that no politics is local.

You really have to wonder about the few supposedly "moderate" people who still tack an "R" after their name. Surely they have to realize what it is to which they give support when they do that?

tasmlab October 1, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Those issues may have been some better points to bring up in SF than just NDAA and zombies.

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 1:56 am

I said it up-thread, but the problem is that he's running as a Republican. No one is saying he has to run as a Democrat or even a Green, but at least run as an independent or Libertarian or something.

To have those views and then consciously run for office as a Republican shows very bad judgement at the very least. lol

PsycWench October 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Has anyone seen my hallucinogenic mushrooms anywhere?

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm

No. The colors are too bright for me to see anything.

DahBoner October 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I see colors with my fingers.

AlterNewt October 2, 2012 at 1:55 am

Oh…man…oh…man…this is….beautiful, man….

Wadisay October 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm

John can go back to fucking that chicken.

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 1:10 pm

You mean Lindsay Lohan. …."fucking that Lohan", surely?

StealthMuslin October 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That goat just hasn't been funny since Dubya broke up the act.

mille derps October 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

John Dennis is a true defender of the Sheeple.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

CRISWELL!

Ducksworthy October 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Could the guy who made this make one like if for Romney?

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

With Goatse.

glamourdammerung October 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Yeah, that ad totally does not make this guy look really goofy.

Mojopo October 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Nothing says "take me seriously" like a B-grade horror movie parody.

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Tell that to Nakoula Basseley Nakoula.

ElPinche October 1, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Yes, the ad is bad/funny, but Pelosi will beat him with his own dismembered arm.

emmelemm October 1, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Made me laugh, dangit.

Native_of_SL_UT October 1, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Dead Alive was better. (an early Peter Jackson movie)
Dude should have just used a lawnmower on the zombies.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 1, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Love that movie! But the dinner scene with the pudding always makes me gag. And nothing makes me gag.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Wow, I'd forgotten that was Peter Jackson. Dude should never have been given a budget.

doloras October 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I'm a New Zealander, Peter Jackson went to my high school, and you're absolutely right. But my favourite of his early movies is this.

Baconzgood October 1, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Pretty high production value for a local political race. I'm impressed.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Looks like they might have waited for the new iPhone to come out before preserving it for posterity. For the better pixel count and all.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Ohhh, I GET IT.

(No. No I don't get it.)

fuflans October 1, 2012 at 12:46 pm

what is with republicans and animal sacrifice ads.

no seriously, wtf?

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm

The animals are symbolic of the middle and lower classes.

I knew that Film Appreciation class I took my senior year of high school would pay off some day!!

ThankYouJeebus October 1, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Could it be the same instinct that makes closeted gays be publicly homophobic?

Stevola October 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Same people, so yeah

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

If George Romero weren't still alive, he'd be rolling over in his grave. Or crawling out of it, anyway.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I read where the guy who did this is also the same guy that did those He-man Cain ads with the creepy little girl. Sounds about right.

HistoriCat October 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Dude keeps getting work because his uncle (? dad maybe?) is a heavy-weight Repub. Nepotism is a terrible thing.

AlterNewt October 2, 2012 at 2:03 am

From the BBC obit of former NYT Owner / Publisher, Arthur Sulzberger :

~ He was a strong believer in family ownership of newspapers.

He once joked: "My conclusion is simple. Nepotism works." ~

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 12:50 pm

People should be pissed about the multitude of NDAA indefinite detention failures.

Baconzgood October 1, 2012 at 12:51 pm

NEEDZ MOAR JOEL, TOM SERVO, AND CROW T. ROBOT!!!!!!!!!

SnarkOff October 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm

What about torrrrture?

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Flag on the moon, man.

delaney_blom October 1, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Nothing new here; Pelosi is a proud Catholic.

Ah, isn't the Tridentine Mass beautiful?

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Consecrate this.

TavariousChinaSmith October 1, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Don't be fooled. This is just the networks test-marketing the idea of beefing up ratings by staging political debates in satanic dungeons. I like it!

Aridzona October 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Dennis really knows how to get Pelosi's goat.

YasserArraFeck October 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Uh, which part of her is her "goat"?

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm

So now that the goat is dead, will the Cubbies finally win the world series?

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Sorry, not a black goat. Nancy only sacrifices white things, of course.

sullivanst October 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Sorry, not a black goat. Nancy only sacrifices white things, of course.

ETA: D'oh, confusing my Cubs curses. Move on, nothing to see here.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Do the Republicans have their own annual movie awards show for best best actor and such? Because that Pelosi impersonator deserves a 'tard Oscar.

sudsmckenzie October 1, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Who's to say that goat didn't have it coming?

owhatever October 1, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Dennis for Goatherd!

My daughters, who are members of Nancy's Coven, report the goat in the ad was recovered, ritually sacrificed and served with fava beans. Christine McDonnell wants in.

Cleopatriot October 1, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Has anyone even heard of this guy before this?

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I think this is the guy Erick Son Of Erick Erickson was talking about.

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm

At least he didn't try to drive a stake through my Nancy's sweet heart. Even so, I don't think this ad will help him as much as he hopes.

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Nancy's pet goat…

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:09 pm

So the goat is America? Or maybe the zombies? Or is Dennis John the sacrifice? What does the knife represent? The free market? I DEMAND CLIFFS NOTES!!1!

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 1:15 pm

her opponent John Dennis is “not a sacrificial lamb.”

That's not a very WWJD attitude!

iburl October 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

This was an amazing documentary. Surprised the ceremony was in Spanish and not Latin. Nancy must be trying to shore up the latino Satanist vote.

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

A second viewing does help clear all that up, thanks.

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm

If you wander over to John Dennis' campaign site, you notice that his love of Ron Paul led him to forget until now that he is, in fact, running for office.

MistaEko October 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm

When have zombies worshipped anything other than tasty brains?

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Silly Nancy, the goat is not a lamb!

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"I am not a sacrificial lamb, I'm a protest vote! Get it right!"

Designer_Rants October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Isn't that the student film that Jim Morrison made before he dropped out of film school?

Designer_Rants October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Isn't that the student film that Jim Morrison made before dropping out of film school?

Mahousu October 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Not many people would attempt a run for Congress based on their reputation as a goat-lover. I applaud Dennis for his courage.

Mahousu October 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Not many people would attempt a run for Congress based on their reputation as a goat-lover. I applaud Dennis for his courage.

I don't think I'd shake his hand, though.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Mickey Kaus approves!

YasserArraFeck October 1, 2012 at 1:30 pm

They eat goats in Kenya, don't they? Hmmm? I think Nancy was simply making lunch for her boss.

Hammiepants October 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

This is from The Onion, right?

mavenmaven October 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

How does Guantanamo affect job creation? I say, if it helps jobs, she's right to kill the goat (which makes as much logical sense as the detention line).

mayor_quimby October 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

This really is a masterful piece of delusional cinema. I don't get the zombies, but they're in everything now, so ill let it slide

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Agreed, lycans or vampires would have been more believable.

BZ1 October 1, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Just inane, and about par for the GOP

randcoolcatdaddy October 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown… the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable goats, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

carlgt1 October 1, 2012 at 1:53 pm

what's funny is this guy represents the very rare moderate-liberal in the GOP! So imagine how really crazy the right-wingers actually are, when they're not constrained from going absolutely Galt!

Isyaignert October 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Jeezuz Hussein Kriest!!

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Breitbart looks ok for a zombie.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Legitimate goat sacrifice?

MiniMencken October 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Whitaker and Baxter must be just spinnin' in their graves over this one. (Bonus Wonkette Points for knowing the reference)

Respitetini October 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Now all the Occupy people and PETA people can make common cause against the Democrats who are just as bad as Republicans."

Yeah, pretty much.

Respitetini October 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

This clown, however, is not the answer.

Nostrildamus October 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

If we can intelligently argue with Zombies, maybe there's hope for the Tea Party?

azeyote October 1, 2012 at 3:00 pm

shoulda killed the goat first and then the rest of em before blowing his own head off.

DahBoner October 1, 2012 at 3:34 pm

That's odd, because goat stew usually only con-con-contains MALES…

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I don't see what Dennis' objection is. Ripping open the less powerful and taking their entrails is how libertarianism works.

ttommyunger October 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I can definitely fap to this, but need more than a minute 42 seconds for happy ending. Moar Goat Guts, pleeze!

clecinosu October 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm

It's John Dennis! We're saved!!

What a tool. Have fun in obscurity, John Boy.

RufusTFirefly October 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Umm… Really?

whatupirondog October 1, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Why is she just holding a copy of The Constitution?

BURN IT ALREADY

TheMeatmaker October 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Don't forget your goatskin leggings.

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 1:38 am

To give you some idea of how blue this district is, Cindy Sheehan running as an Indie came in second place with the Republican in an even more distant third in 2008.

That said, I wonder why third parties don't do better in districts this uncompetitive between the two major parties? What I wouldn't give t have at least a Green and a Libertarian in Congress.

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 1:38 am

BTW, Republicans don't like goat killings, well, not until they've had their way with them, of course.

stitch94133 October 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

Thank you for this community service. I actually live in Nancy Pelosi's district and was wondering if anyone was actually running against her since I've see no signs, campaign literature or other ephemera.

Unlike other congressional districts we rarely have a contested race, we just have to settle for highly effective and determined leadership.

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