CONGRESSIONAL STAFFERS IN THE NEWS  10:32 am October 1, 2012

Everyone In Congress Choking Lindsay Lohan

by Rich Abdill

He did whaaat?Bad news, Illinois Republican Rep. John Shimkus. One of your staffers had kind of a bad weekend.

Even worse news: Lindsay Lohan is involved.

The GOP’s interaction with Lohan had been thus far limited to exempting her from the War on Drugs and in getting uncomfortable when Mitt Romney laughs at the wrong parts of Mean Girls, but now there is another problem, in that one of Shimkus’ aides is accused of taking pictures of Lohan, then choking her in a stairwell, which is probably illegal, but because Lindsay Lohan is part of the debacle the police are all like “Naw… you guys are just going to have to figure this one out without us.”

According to the NY Daily News, 25-year-old staffer Christian LaBella was somehow, for some reason, nobody remembers, partying with Lohan. They went back to her hotel (with OTHER PEOPLE, don’t be crass) around 4 a.m. Sunday morning, and eventually Lohan came to believe LaBella had been taking pictures of her and emailing them to friends all night, a conclusion Lohan reacted to by stealing LaBella’s phone and leading him on a yakety-sax chase around the hotel:

LaBella demanded she return the phone, but Lohan balked — and told cops he threw her down on the bed and scratched her. At one point, the troubled actress locked herself in a bathroom. She finally ran out of the 15th-floor suite — where rooms top $500 a night — and scurried down several flights of stairs, with [friend Claus] Hjelmbak in tow.

When the “Freaky Friday” star and her hunky pal began walking back up the stairs, they again encountered LaBella, sources said.

She claimed that he choked her from behind and threw her to the floor before Hjelmbak yanked him away, cops said. Lohan pulled the fire alarm for help as he fled, police said.

Cops who responded spoke to Lohan and began looking for LaBella, who was trapped in the stairwell because the alarm had disabled the elevators.

(Cue sad trombone.)

Lohan refused medical treatment, and assault charges against LaBella were dropped, but of course they have both filed harassment charges against each other in a classic case of who can have the stupider reaction to a stupid reaction to a stupid reaction to the stupid action of taking pictures of people.

Speaking of stupids, you may remember noted stupid Rep. Shimkus, LaBella’s boss, from the brief celebrity he enjoyed after arguing against capping carbon dioxide emissions because it is “plant food.” Oh, and he was also kind of the chairman of the Mark Foley page scandal coverup. Lohan is apparently harder to suppress than teenage pages.

Oh, and here’s a photo of LaBella with Paul Ryan, just because. [Daily News]

Tax cuts for Lohans!

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 168 comments }

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:34 am

Well, I mean, if I was that little dweeb and Lindsay Lohan was anywhere within spitting distance of my camera, I'd be shooting one-handed all night.

ShreditorsDesk October 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

You beat me to it.

BornInATrailer October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

What you did there, I see it.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:51 am

Good, because I need glasses already.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

Money shot comment.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:04 am

Oh come on!!!!

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

And off.

And on again.

superdave October 1, 2012 at 10:36 am

I have not choked Lindsay Lohan. Oh the other hand, I have choked something out to Lindsay Lohan.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

That's the part I couldn't figure out from the news this morning, because I'm thinking: "you're with Lindsay Lohan and the best you can do is whip out your camera?"

I did not realize he was a) Republican and b) they were not alone.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 10:58 am

The chicken?

BerkeleyBear October 1, 2012 at 11:02 am

As the father of a young girl with bad tendencies, I'd probably just start weeping uncontrollably at the thought of my future.

prommie October 1, 2012 at 10:37 am

Bennie Hill Libel!

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:40 am

What? She was probably wearing a merry widow and heels!

SoBeach October 1, 2012 at 10:37 am

This is exactly what I've always imagined a night of partying with Lindsay Lohan would be like.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 10:55 am

His friends were tweeting back to him "Pix of it didn't happen" so of course he had to take snaps.

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:09 am

Which, honestly? If you are Lindsay Lohan and the worst thing that happens to you is some dweeb takes pictures of you and tweets them to his friends, you have just had perhaps your best night in months.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 11:16 am

Depends on what those pictures show, dontcha think?

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:23 am

I think if it's anything short of murder, letting the guy take the pictures is better than getting involved in some sort of he said/she said thing involving assault. Besides, if he'd already sent them out, the damage is kind of done.

Then again, clear-headed, rational decisionmaking doesn't happen at 4 am, and probably never happens in Lohan's brain.

teebob2000 October 1, 2012 at 11:25 am

I'm thinking she was intermittently passed out, legs up in the air like a cartoon roadkill armadillo, and he was snapping upskirt. Which, y'know, *yawn* but if you're a right-wing dork congressional aide has to be your best night ever.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 11:16 am

Somehow, I thought there'd be jello involved.

AlterNewt October 1, 2012 at 9:37 pm

This is a TRUE story:

Not long ago I was in the checkout line behind an attractive woman in her early thirties, I would guess. Her order consisted of the following:

5 boxes of condoms
7 boxes of lemon Jello

EatsBabyDingos October 1, 2012 at 10:38 am

"Lindsay Lohan" is the new phrase for "chicken?"

Gratuitous World October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

Keep fuckin that Lohan?

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:40 am

Christ, who hasn't?

EatsBabyDingos October 1, 2012 at 10:44 am

Always use a slow hand when you are choking your Lohan. I read it in a fortune cookie.

Weenus299 October 1, 2012 at 10:52 am

Oh God. Don't unleash the Conway Twitteh!

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 11:39 am

Q) Why did the Lohan cross the road?

A) to get back the drunken pix on the other side

kittensdontlie October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

Whenever LL makes news, I start gagging too. So far, I haven't sued.

Radiotherapy October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

Oy, vat a pain in my shimkus. Deez shicksas mit da cocaine.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 10:55 am

hahahaha. Urine tests all aournd !!!

swordfis October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

Romney: "He didn't cut her hair off? Bad form."

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

Her muff – just the right height.

Gratuitous World October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

everyone in the Illinois delegation knows Shimkus has the best blow.

ChillBill October 1, 2012 at 10:40 am

Rep. John Shimkus (R-Mean Girls).

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

How in the fuck can she afford $500 a night rooms when she is a has-been who hasn't worked in years?!

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:46 am

You don't actually think they charged her for the room, do you?

The great thing about being wealthy and famous, or at least famous, you never have to buy a thing.

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

I'm unfamiliar, I don't chase around starlets in those circles.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:50 am

It's not just starlets, it's anyone. Even Donald Trump gets comped. The idea is that they might talk nicely and give the hotel free advertising.

Well, that certainly worked in this case. The hotel will see a bump in reservations. They probably ought to put up a plaque on the stairway "Lindsay Lohan choked here"

Radiotherapy October 1, 2012 at 10:57 am

The über-rich are generally the cheapest, most paranoid types as well.

PubOption October 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

According to the gossip columns, Lohan prefers stealing to buying.

Jus_Wonderin October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

I am not convinced she has been in our reality for years.

Mumbletypeg October 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

I think she was cast as Elizabeth Taylor in some movie that finished filming earlier in the year. When I browsed to see photos from the scene they were shooting on a boat — another incident of many wherein she had to be hospitalized for exhaustion, whose resulting headlines got my attention (Really? this chick, as Liz Taylor?) — I saw that by some remarkable feat of makeup artistry or other, indeed Lohan's profile, lips, whatnot, bore enough resemblance to a younger Taylor for it to make slightly less bizarre of someone's decision to cast her.

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

I think they were looking for verisimilitude in the tit area.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:35 am

I love verisimilitude in the tit area. 'Specially when the verisimilitudee is someone like a young Liz.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yeah, Lohan may be a mess but she's not a gross old lady like Liz Taylor always was.

Chichikovovich October 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

It was even worse when she was younger. In National Velvet she looked like a horse. Though the girl who she carried on her back was exceptionally pretty.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2012 at 1:19 pm

There will always be a place in the sun for my memories of Liz Taylor in her prime.

mrblifil October 1, 2012 at 11:04 am

Um she's worth a shitload of money. Freaky Friday alone probably set her for 34 lifetimes or so, but she had done plenty of high paying work prior.

I actually admire her spunk. She spotted a weasely college-Repub style douche hanger onner, and proceeded to use her top dog status to humiliate him utterly, in a concentrated demonstration of her social superiority over him. For all the other missteps in her life, this is something I can point to that had showed some independent creative thinking on her part.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Feisty drunk girls are fun to hang out with, up to a point.

Usually that point comes before 4am.

shelwood46 October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

My reaction to this story was, ":Oh my God, what idiot rented her a hotel room?" She just recently got kicked out of the Chateau Mormont in LA for running up a $45,000 tab and refusing to pay it. This included charging shitloads of extras to her room, like food, services and a pack of cigarettes a day for seven weeks.

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

Lindsay has always depended on the kindness of strangers.

prommie October 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

Ya don't have to actually "work" like be in movies or anything, to be a celebutard, thanks to the pioneering work of Paris Hilton. I am sure can rake in, in a week, more than I do in a year, getting paid just to be at club or a party, just to fucking create publicity.

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

Morning, Ass Man!

James Michael Curley October 1, 2012 at 11:12 am

Lindsay has always depended on the kindness of stranglers

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 10:42 am

As the saying goes, any publicity is good publicity. The only caveat being "unless Lindsey Lohan is involved, then its bad publicity."

Mumbletypeg October 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

I think Lohan-affiliation has maxed out its scandal appeal, its gossip edge.
When staffers are doing crayzee things on company time? now you got my attention.

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

Partying with a dumbass like Lohan is probably better than partying with Shimkus due to the better drugs and booze. On the other hand, getting arrested and being now tainted with the Super Herp is a downside.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

What does Todd Akin think about this incident ?

One_who_wanders October 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

If it was legitimate choking her body can reject it!

YouFail4eva October 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Damn, beat me to it.

GuyClinch October 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

Why am I not surprised he is wearing the ne plus ultra in douche-wear, the blue shirt with white collar?

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

Gawd, I hate it.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

Nds moar stripes.

BerkeleyBear October 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

Don't forget the bullshit stubble on his face and perfectly fucked up hair – because nothing shouts professional like looking as if you are a hobo that just found a banker's clothes.

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

But is he a Republican? Because, if so, where is the bow tie?

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 11:26 am

I've always thought of the bow tie as a Republican cock ring.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:37 am

That would be the House, I thought….

ThankYouJeebus October 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Patrick Bateman would like to compare business cards.

Respitetini October 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

Oh, that poor child. Sorry, I just can't snark about some kid self-destructing in front of an audience of drooling gawkers.

Terry October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

My thought, as well. Lindsay and her whole family are the human equivalent of a very very slow motion train wreck.

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

So, no more Paul Ryan jokes, either?

Respitetini October 1, 2012 at 11:27 am

Nah, he's a grown-ass man. And his dickishness seems a lot more willful than some kid who's had her ass kicked by addiction since she was a teenager. But point well taken!

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

I wonder if any of those pictures were upskirts. Not that it matters, I guess.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

That's bringing coals to Newcastle, to be sure

PubOption October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

Probably shots of Lohan 'powdering her nose'.

mrpuma2u October 1, 2012 at 11:08 am

Hope springs eternal for the fap afficiandos among us.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:49 am

Perhaps some hot chick on chick action? (Like there is any other kind unless Ellen is involved.) Isn't she out now, or am I thinking of some other drug addled movie *star*?

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 11:50 am

Based on her public relationships, it appears Lindsay goes both ways.

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 2:37 am

She wouldn't care about that. As you alluded to, she was in a relationship with a woman for many years.

I'm convinced he probably had pictures of her doing drugs, or at least in possession of them.

SnarkOff October 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

As my dearly departed mother would say, "You two deserve each other."

weejee October 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

Is this just a teaser for the reallz Cocktober surprise. Like when someone announces Rmoney failed his Wassermann Test like three hours before the 2nd debate?

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

And he crammed so hard for it!

weejee October 1, 2012 at 10:52 am

Guess he packed it in.

Chichikovovich October 1, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I'm expecting to hear he failed his Voight-Kampff test any moment now.

weejee October 1, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Everybotty wants to know.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

♫ Feelin' good, feelin' right, it's Saturday night
The hotel detective, he was outta sight ♪

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

What's your name, little man, what was your name….

kyeshinka October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

So the GOP has moved from 12-year-old boy pages to washed-up a 40-year-old one-shot herpes delivery system. And I thought they didn't believe in evolution.

One_who_wanders October 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

She is (googles) 26, she just looks forty.

kyeshinka October 1, 2012 at 10:58 am

On some level I guess I knew that.

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

Hollywood takes a lot out of you. Also, drugs.

memzilla October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

An anagram of "Christian Labella" is Chill A Stern Labia.

One should never mess with stern labia.

weejee October 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

Or she'll give you some lip?

eggsacklywright October 1, 2012 at 11:06 am

Or that new super-gonorrhea that's currently making the rounds.

Weenus299 October 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

Howard Stern's Labia?

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:46 am

What about port labia?

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

LaBella is a douche and Lohan is a chain-smoking, douche in an alcoholic haze… so it seems to me they should get married and then have their spats in private where he can slap her around to his hearts' content*.

*I don't condone slapping anyone around, 'cos I know it hurts. But it's what I've come to expect from fucking assholes like GOPers and actor drunks like Lohan.

I can't fap to this… or her. She's one big, big turn-off.

weejee October 1, 2012 at 10:58 am

As opposed to a really fappable Irish actress like Maureen O'Hara?

sewollef October 1, 2012 at 11:11 am

Or, or…. Audrey Tautou for that quirky gorgeous look. I wouldn't mind a dalliance with Sophie Marceau either come to think of it.

weejee October 1, 2012 at 11:20 am

Mentioned O'Hara, 'cause she shows up in the final book in Roddy Doyle's "Last Roundup" trilogy.

fuflans October 1, 2012 at 12:20 pm

speaking as an actor drunk, i would take offense except for the fact that la lohan has squandered both talent and (much rarer and more precious) hollywood luck.

that's hard to forgive.

Pragmatist2 October 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

Only good thing House Republicans have done in years.

Terry October 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

"Lohan came to believe LaBella had been taking pictures of her and emailing them to friends all night"

I'm sure she is absolutely correct in this belief.

Baconzgood October 1, 2012 at 10:50 am

I suspect that Lindsay has a drug and/or alcohol problem.

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

Now, let's not be hasty. She might just be hanging around with the wrong crowd.

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:24 am

GOP staffers?

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 11:30 am

I'm beginning to worry about her well-being.

Jus_Wonderin October 1, 2012 at 11:32 am

She has to have a "being" first, right?

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 11:38 am

I suppose she was never "well".

StealthMuslin October 1, 2012 at 10:50 am

Is choking Lindsay Lohan part of the War on Women or just something one does on general principle?

magic_titty October 1, 2012 at 10:53 am

'Choking Lindsay Lohan from behind and throwing her to the floor' is a definition on Urban Dictionary.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

Oh yes! The "La Bella Lock"!

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 11:46 am

"The Freaky Friday"

Chichikovovich October 1, 2012 at 12:03 pm

"The Parent Trap"

Chet Kincaid_ October 1, 2012 at 10:54 am

This is good news for Britney Spears.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 11:59 am

and Kate Middleton.

LibrarianX October 1, 2012 at 10:55 am

It's funny because it's sad.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

That's what I hate about travel: I always get stuck in a hotel room next to people like this.

LibertyLover October 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

That's a FINE looking young man right there. Why does that skank Lohan wish to sully this up and coming new Republican's name?

Mittens Howell, III October 1, 2012 at 10:57 am

Well, this is refreshing! I usually get my Lindsay Lohan updates from Huffington Post's Side Boob section.

Goonemeritus October 1, 2012 at 10:57 am

I will never understand why people with fuck-you money fail to avail themselves with some of the excellent services offered to their class. In Lindsay Lohan’s case I would highly recommend both a staff chauffeur and a bodyguard/knee-breaker.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:42 am

Tonya Harding still alive?!

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 2:41 am

Technically, but she's dead inside.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 11:46 am

Yeah, it's ridiculous when rich people get DUIs when they can easily afford a cab or a driver.

valgal2342 October 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

But but but….it's so fun to drive max speed in NYC in a Porsche! You look so good in one and it would never ever get scratched or dented! All that free parking right in front of every building you want to enter also, too.

rickmaci October 1, 2012 at 10:59 am

Oh dear god, please let it be that he was misusing his government issued cell phone for this shit. Ex-staffer Labella. LMAO.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 11:04 am

I'm thinking he's gone anyway, just on principle. It's only a month to election.

BTW, LaBella is nephew to E! TV "comedienne" Heather MacDonald.

mrblifil October 1, 2012 at 11:00 am

Well after all Paul Ryan has never denied raping LIndsay Lohan.

chicken_thief October 1, 2012 at 11:42 am

But he does turn awfully red when asked about Christian LaBella.

PsycWench October 1, 2012 at 11:03 am

This is the best chase scene Miss Lohan could muster up?

Preferred Customer October 1, 2012 at 11:05 am

I do not believe this is an actual Lindsay Lohan story, because it does not involve wrecking a Porsche.

BZ1 October 1, 2012 at 11:07 am

Was he using an Obama phone? Now that would seal the deal.

An_Outhouse October 1, 2012 at 11:09 am

Lindsay is a liar. 4 a.m. on Sunday morning? He must have been getting ready for church.

el_donaldo October 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

Lohan reacted to by stealing LaBella’s phone and leading him on a yakety-sax chase around the hotel …

If only Benny Hill were still alive. He's the only one that'd be able to revive Lindsay's career. Oh well. Moving on.

docterry6973 October 1, 2012 at 11:16 am

Joe Average there was hanging with Lindsay Lohan? I need to get a job in a Congressman's office.

One_who_wanders October 1, 2012 at 11:23 am

Joe (below) Average. . .

FlownOver October 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

Generally the only such jobs available are of the "blow" variety.

Esteev October 1, 2012 at 11:18 am

Needs moar hit-and-run.

teebob2000 October 1, 2012 at 11:20 am

Gosh, I wish I got hang around with celebrities. Sounds like fun.

MistaEko October 1, 2012 at 11:21 am

Just shows how low the GOP and Lohan have fallen.

I mean on one hand, you've got a disgusting shell of their former self living entirely in a world made up in their head who makes news only by hitting a new rock bottom every week.

And then Linsday…

poorgradstudent October 1, 2012 at 11:23 am

I've always criticized this generation of celebrities as constantly failing to achieve scandals on the level of Liz Taylor and Frank Sinatra, but, hey, maybe there's room for potential here.

Guppy October 1, 2012 at 11:31 am

LaBella… was trapped in the stairwell because the alarm had disabled the elevators.

I don't even…

The gin is strong in this one!

Peckerwood_Pete October 1, 2012 at 11:45 am

Lohan made me choke *myself* when she appeared topless on Machetti…

FNMA October 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

She was awesome in that. Nobody does naked and passed out better than Lohan.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 11:47 am

Remember when Lohan used to be attractive, before she got all drug addicted and anorexic and lost her curves?

DahBoner October 1, 2012 at 3:09 pm

She's only not hot to Straight Edgers…

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 2:44 am

Please. She's still attractive, but between the drug use and smoking and plastic surgery that have aged this girl many, many years above her 26, she's ain't "hot" anymore.

ElPinche October 1, 2012 at 11:49 am

Cocktober has arrived. It has a better ring than Pricktober.

oenspiek October 1, 2012 at 11:51 am

It seems a good bet that that was an official phone, and that it's now full of candid commando upskirts. How proud that will make LaBella's mother, if he has one.

SorosBot October 1, 2012 at 11:52 am

To be fair, Mean Girls was great, although maybe all the credit for that should go to Tina Fey.

Jus_Wonderin October 1, 2012 at 11:56 am

Tina Fey = mmmmmmmmmm

zippy_w_pinhead October 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

I was much more interested in this story when I misread the headline as "Everyone in Congress choking Lindsey Graham

decentcitizen October 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm

This barely ranks as the most embarrassing thing to happen to happen to either of them. Lindsey didn't knock down anyone with her car, and he works for Shimkus.

Slim_Pickins October 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm

If a Shimkus aide did do this it was God's will. As far as Shimkus is concerned everything is God's will.

decentcitizen October 1, 2012 at 12:09 pm

If I were Lindsey, I'd stick to stealing necklaces.

randcoolcatdaddy October 1, 2012 at 12:13 pm

This doesn't have any relevance to politics unless it involves Kim Kardashian.

fuflans October 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

having ensured a victory for the democrats, the republican party is now making a lohan comeback its next priority.

owhatever October 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

To get her to drop the case, Mitt Romney agreed to add Lindsay Lohan to his stable of wives, and give her the stall right next to Rafalca, who had a similar drug and alcohol problem.

thefrontpage October 1, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I have choked Lindsay Lohan several times, but, that, as they say, is another story.

thefrontpage October 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

This Lindsay Lohan creature needs to be locked up in either a jail-type of facility, or another type of facility–once known coldly as "insane asylums"–with comfortably padded rooms, lots of free medication, comfort foods, comfortable shoes and lots of graduate-school psychology students who can subsequently write piles of term papers and master thesises on Lohan.

lulzmonger October 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Is this a pathetic case of optics failure?

Or is it really brilliant viral marketing theatre for the GOP's looming stealth-ticket ……..

*** NUGENT/LOHAN 2016: ***
*** SMELL THE GLOVE ***

???

Stevola October 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Lindsay Lohan is still an actress?

valthemus October 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"Hey! You got your Hollywood gossip in my politics!"
"*Gasp*! You got your politics in my Hollywood gossip!"

Isn't there some journalism rule about serving Hollywood gossip and politics on the same plate?

ttommyunger October 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Alt Headline: "TWERP EMPLOYED BY TWAT CHOKES CUNT IN STAIRWELL." I know, I think about pussy all the time…I can't help it.

rmjagg October 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I got this all wrong at first – I could have sworn that it was about Lindsay Graham , which made it more entertaining …

Negropolis October 2, 2012 at 2:31 am

It takes a whole helluva lot to find me having sympathy for a Lohan (all of them, Katie), but this just about does it. Wasn't she just in trouble the previous week? I've been saying this for some time, but she is definitely someone that is going to end up dead or killing someone if she continues this route and VERY soon because she's been doing this for years, now. It's only a matter of time.

BTW, from what I heard of this the other day, she the dude is a friend of a friend. Lohan had invited the friend (along with other friends) back to the room, but the friend didn't show up and this dude showed up uninvited in the friend's place, which is awfully creepy. Not to mention we find out that the guy is celebrity obsessed.

actor212 October 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

I'm thinking there was coke involved, which undoubtedly would be a violation of her endless probation.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2012 at 1:13 pm

LiLo has so many reasons not to do anything, ever, with anybody. Wouldn't want to be her.

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