When Republican consultant Kellyanne Conway told Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin to be more like David Koresh — the cult leader in Waco whose standoff with the ATF led to the death of 80 of his followers and himself — apparently, Todd Akin listened! So how did Todd Akin set his compound on fire today? Oh just by saying that the Equal Pay Act, which dates back to 1963 and says it is illegal to pay Fallopian-Americans less than men solely on the basis of their plumbing, is unfair, because freedom.
First, here’s Kellyanne Conway, who is obviously a lunatic, via RightWingWatch:
I believe that the establishment will have to look at this race and they will have to hold their nose because the first days—and I’ve expressed this to Todd as my client for a while now, I’ve expressed it to him directly—the first day or two where it was like the Waco with David Koresh situation where they’re trying to smoke him out with the SWAT teams and the helicopters and the bad Nancy Sinatra records. Then here comes day two and you realize the guy’s not coming out of the bunker. Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters.
Now, we know the wingtards have gone a little militia-happy ever since Waco and Ruby Ridge, but we did not know they actively look up to and seek to emulate David Koresh — who, we will repeat, died along with 28 kids and 54 adults after setting his own compound on fire. Sounding really sane and lucid there, Kellyanne Conway! But how has Todd Akin showed us his principle lately?
Just yesterday, he noted that Claire McCaskill wasn’t “ladylike” because in their debate she did not make him a sandwich! But that was yesterday. Todd Akin, how have you shown us your “principle” today?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: You voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Why do you think it is okay for a woman to be paid less for doing the same work as a man?
AKIN: Well, first of all, the premise of your question is that I’m making that particular distinction. I believe in free enterprise. I don’t think the government should be telling people what you pay and what you don’t pay. I think it’s about freedom. If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work. So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble.
Yes. The government has gotten us into huge trouble, by sticking “its nose” into “things.”
So how many Senate seats will the Democrats end up with? 120 or so? Seems low.
[TPM]
{ 416 comments }
This guy is a fucking genius.
"Genius" still means dumb fuckstick right?
In Republicanville, yes
"Me stand barefoot on broken glass! Me genius!"
Me fail Civics class? That's unladylike!
Of the fucking variety.
Hi Baby!!!!!!!!
Hey, sweetpea! (Hugs you)
I am having so many problems with ID lately. No idea why. Takes FOREVER to get to Wonketz, to comment, to reload. So if you see me hangin' round here and say hi, don't worry if I don't get back to you for an hour or so. Srsly, that's what it's taking right now. Sometimes I have to log out and log back in again, and sometimes it tells me I'm logged in when I'm not.
Strange. I've been having problems with EGO.
S'ok honey. Did you email our beloved editrix about it?
He is Performance Art.
For a value of Performance Art == Piece of Shit.
Actually, snark off–I think the real fucking genius is Claire McCaskill, for getting this POS as her opponent.
She set it up, and he fell into the trap.
No wonder McCaskill wanted to run against him.
Oh, I doubt very much that Akin is a genius at fucking. Women, anyway. Oh wait, I get it! Never mind!
As a Fallopian-American, I stand ready to stomp his shiny white hiny into the ground. Todd Akin, come on down!!!
Make sure to do your stomping with votes.
Indeed.
Big metal-studded votes mind you….
Edit: I should read further down the page before posting; I should read further down the page before posting; I should read further down the page before posting. Thanks actor.
Big metal-toed, steel-shanked votes.
*tsk* So unladylike.
I'll make sure to flutter my eyelashes while I'm stomping.
I think you just need to stick your pinky out.
Stomping his hiney is too good for him. You need to stomp his crotch.
"Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters." And what does this mean? That he has shown himself to be a Neanderthal, male chauvinist pig? I hope Claire McCaskill is able to beat him into a pulp in November.
An unrecognizable pulp, works for me.
"You need to stomp his crotch."
But in a ladylike way!
With heels on!
Do eet. DO EEEEEEET!
Also, pix or gtfo.
Needz moar whacking with (vote) purse!
Needz moar whacking with ballot box.
Oh, definitely. They tend to be more solid and well-made than ladies' purses. Leave more of an, um, impression, as it were.
Okay, fluttering eyelashes, pinky out, big-ass studded vote purse, maybe some red stilettoes with matching lipstick and a great big honking Texas debutante curtsey at the end. I'll need some Clorox wipes for my shoes and purse after, just say'n.
There will be a line of prostate-Americans forming behind you to handle any clean-up.
Ah do declah, that is an awesome comment (fluttering eyelashes).
I'll bring 'em. Hell, I'll even hold your coat.
"his shiny white hiny"
Oh, no — now you reminded me of that song from grade school:
Bom bom bom bom
I see your hiney
It's nice and shiny
You better hide it,
You know I'll bite it!
Gee, we only had the I see London, I see France ditty. Yours would definitely make for more exciting chases around the playground.*
*Church parking lot.
How does the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act get my sandwich to me in front of the TV faster?
I would love you to ask her directly that question. If I'm not mistaken she spoke at the DNC and she looked like a pretty tough cookie…
She was great. Full of snap and crackle. Don't take no shit from nobody.
Actually, how cool is it to get an Act of Congress named after you while you're still alive?
Pretty damn cool. And I woulda done it too except nobody would be able to pronounce my name. And then I would haz a Sadz.
As long as it isn't like Megan's Law or something.
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and……
You're on drugs….
No, I am.
But I'm not.
Who will remedy this injustce?
and she wouldn't give it to me.
But George? George coulda asked for a whole damn case, and she woulda walked over a football field fulla razors to bring it to him.
Nevermind. Forget it, you wouldn't understand anyway.
Wait, what are you talking about, we decided!?
My best interest?! How can you know what's my best interest is?
How can you say what my best interest is? What are you trying to say, I'm crazy?
When I went to your schools, I went to your churches,
I went to your institutional learning facilities?! So how can you say I'm crazy?
As a Blue Dog Democrat, McCaskill will settle for 3/4 pay for equal work, and will bring you half a sandwich.
Flying through the air at 50 mph? A little bit of weight to help the trajectory supplied by the steak knife I accidentally included?
I for one, am a big fan of sticking my "nose" into "things."
Definitions really matter a lot in this area of course.
Note to self: Dok is not a Mormon, doesn't enjoy "parking."
Now hang on a ding-danged moment there. Just because he likes more than parking doesn't mean he doesnt like parking.
I mean, it's a P-E-N-I-S inserted into…well, SOMEwhere on her, so who wouldn't?
Do they call you "Nosey Joe"?
How much to get my nose brown?
A couple tablespoons of olive oil should do the trick, Radio. Just make sure you don't set the temperature too high … wut?
Why are you STARING at me like that?
Are you sure you're not looking at a recipe for a roux?
Would that be Extra Virgin Olive Oil?
Needs MOAR oil.
"Are you sure you're not looking at a recipe for a roux?"
There are some things I rue, but recipes are not among them.
What did you stick your nose into? A Dutch oven?
Dude, that was RADIO'S nose. I just do the cooking around here.
Akin seems to be sticking his nose into things… primarily up his own @$$.
The last time I got drunk and went on Amazon, I ended up with "Nancy Sinatra's Greatest Hits"
Shoulda gone for the Lead Belly CD (see below).
These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'd do.
One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you!
That’s not very “ladylike.”
Oh, shoot, you beat me. Now i know that it was indeed, very witty. :)
You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.
Prescient.
How ever do you rack up an awe-inspiring -105p points?
Nancy Sinatra's Greatest HIts.
Like when she posed nude in Playboy at age fifty-something?
Is it a mark of distinction? Cuz I won't upfist you if you'd rather I didn't.
I just upfisted you. Should I not have done that?
Indiepalin dives on lotsa grenades over at the t@rd sites.
Thereby earning the blog-commenter Medal of Honor.
It's like a badge of honor then…
I find that watching the Daily Show, drinking and browsing Amazon at the same time leads to a lot of bad book purchases.
At least you didn't end up with Nancy Sinatra.
So how many Senate seats will the Democrats end up with? 120 or so?
Clearly you give the state of Rush Limbaugh's birth and upbringing far too much intellectual credit.
i wonder how many tags to "david koresh" wonkette has in the last couple of years!
Whadda you mean, Twodd, you believe in free enterprise? All that free shit, iPhones and free money and stuff going to the 47%, that's what got us into this mess to begin with!
"Women can vote in Missouri? Wait! What?"
–Todd Akin
"Blacks too?!" he continued.
"Mebbe we should count 'em and see if this is gonna be a problem."
Didn't he mean: "sticking it's trunk into things?…"
Perfect.
I don’t think there is a single voter that expects or wants Todd Akin’s to come out of his bunker.
Do you know who else never came out of his bunker?
Me, with the new Playboy.
Oh, bunkER? Well, that's different…
Edith: "AAAArchay"?
Technically, it was probably Meathead. I think Archie and Edith stopped having sex a long time before.
Bunker? I barely knew her!
Um, oh, let me see, now, I would guess … HITLER?
The British Army?
No, wait — I'm thinking of Bunker Hill.
Oh, he came out of that bunker, just not in the way he wished he had.
Oh for fuck's sake …
On behalf of all sane Show Me Stateians, I would like to apologize for this fuckstain of a human being.
You can make it up to us by having him lose the election.
Trust me — I'll be doing my part to ensure that …
Yay!
And you can make me a sammich…hold the mayo….
I like MO. When I stay in Kansas City I insist it's in KCMO and not KCK. Plus St. Louis is a pretty cool town when it wants to be.
KCMO is where most of us live.
KCK is where most of us shop and watch rednecks make left turns for three hours (oh, and watch the only winning team we have in this freaking town).
And despite cross-state rivalry and all that, I've had many a great time in StL, especially when the folks there aren't trying to be Chicago-light.
And KCK sucks Akin dicks…
I'm still proud of Mo from when you voted for the dead guy rather than John Ashcroft.
Say what you will about KCK; I'm embarrassed to live in the state next door to this Akin dickweed.
Apology unnecessary. He's not your fault. Good luck. If you can take this shitheel out (with votes, duh), it will be a real feather in the cap of sanity. (Sorry, lost my metaphor there. You know what I mean).
Every state — hell, every Congressional district — contains a significant percentage of people who would vote for their equivalent of Todd Akin because of the (R); and also a significant percentage who would vote for their equivalent of Claire McCaskill because of the (D). Even in the most one-sided electoral units, around a quarter of the voters dissent. (Nancy Fucking Pelosi never gets more than about 80%). At any given moment, at least one out of four voters feels that his or her elected "representative" does not represent him or her.
Fucking tribalism, how does it work?
Anyhow, best of luck to you. At least you don't have Steve King.
I've said it before, but are the Repubutards TRYING to lose this election? 'Cause it sure doesn't seem like they're trying to win it.
I have to admit that of all the elections I have watched (since Carter lost to Reagan, basically), this has been the best for sheer wackiness, nutbaggery, and entertainment value.
Seriously right. I have run out of popcorn like 20 times in this campaign.
I TOLD y'all last year, but did you listen? Popcorn futures, I said. Invest in popcorn. But NO. Y'all had to be smartasses.
See if I share mine with you, huh.
Especially after this non-global warming period of drought. We shoulda listened to you.
Here you go. More smartassery: http://tinyurl.com/c25z7dc
And then Ms. Conway gave him some pointers from Jim Jones.
Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, Todd!
(And yes , I know it's really Flavor-Aid.)
This guy, he says thing that amuse and offend me.
He's like the right wing Lenny Bruce. Only Lenny was trying to be funny.
Also, too, Lenny succeeded brilliantly at what he tried to do.
Lenny who? Was he one of those "shock comics", or a "prop comic"?
You know, Lenny. From Lenny and Squiggy.
I thought it was from Len and Stimpy.
No?
"bad Nancy Sinatra records."
I don't care what anyone says, I still get a shiver when I hear that badass walking bass line in "These Boots are Made for Walkin'."
I also have the image of military boats on a river in Vietnam when I hear it. Thanks, Platoon!
"And that's just what they'll do."
I especially remember the cheesy, Vegas, "au-go-go" horns at the end.
That bass line will forever play the prostitute scene in Full Metal Jacket in my head.
Didn't she do a decent duet with Lee Greenwood or some deep voiced CW semi-star?
Two duets with Lee Hazelwood, "Summer Wine" and "Jackson".
I would just like to say for the record that I regard
You keep lyin' when you ought to be truthin'
as perhaps the greatest single song line in the history of composition.
I don't disagree.
I've always been partial to "lies the seed, that with the sun's love", but I take your point.
It's good; it's very good, but
The screen door slams, Mary's dress waves
Captures every date and almost every adventure that everyone's ever had in six words.
Well obvs, Akin thought the question was about Huddie Ledbetter not Lilly.
♪♫ Let the Midnight Special, shine it's light on me ♫♪
"Wanna see something really scary?"
Meh, probably too obscure.
A welcome to the Twilight Zone?
Dee dee dee dee, dee dee dee dee
Nothing's too obscure for this crowd
That's what I like about this crowd. We go in. Find it. Pull it out. Then we take it there.
I wish I *could* forget it.
That scene made me damn near jump out of my skin the first time I watched it.
Or as Van Morrison calls him on "Astral Weeks," "Hoodie Ledbetter."
Stand Your Blues!
♪♫ If I ventured in the slipstream
Between the viaducts of your dreams… ♫♪
Viaduct?
Or that other Ledbetter: Irene….goodnight….
Das Huddie, too, also. The 12 strings of Lead Belly.
Same guy, dood.
I just meant tune… I knew a white gal in her 80's who claimed to have dated him – said that one time he was late for a train and had to go through the turnstile, tore the turnstile arm off, had strong arms…
Can't just jump over the turnstile like the rest of us?
Fucking showoff.
It's "Hedley!"
Hedley Belly? Nah, never work.
You know, if someone introduced Aiken to someone like Buck Angel, Aiken's head would explode.
I would really love to see Buck Angel deliver ye olde smackdownne to Mr. Akin.
Extra points if it was a tag-team with Buck and Kate Bornstein.
I would pay good munnies to see Buck Angel and Todd Akin in the same room. Mangina!
Hell, Todd's head would explode if you introduced him to Nancy Sinatra.
I hope Todd's wife is Mormon because that is one big dick to suck. Her jaw would be akin.
We saw his wife yesterday. We do not want to see that again.
But if you must:
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/wp-content/upload…
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
*runs screaming into the night.
'splains a lot *smh
Akin is gay-married? That guy looks like he doesn't put up with any crap.
From living with Todd, it takes a troll. I mean toll.
ROTFLAMO!
No wonder Tawd thinks getting a woman pregnant takes a Herculean effort.
Stony ground, man, stony ground.
In Kellyanne's world, Koresh is some kind of Churchill.
"So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble….Except uteruses. I can't stress that the government should, nay MUST, stick it's nose into your uteruses ladies."
-Todd "boy did you blow that campaign" Atkin
Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters
Yes, and they called the police to report a sex offender.
These fucking people. If you are so fucking against government, do what everybody else before you did. Get weird, grow a beard, and disappear into the goddamned mountains. Quit fucking with us normals.
He's so against government that he wants to be a government employee!?
You know, by that logic, as against the womens as he is, it's only logical he wants to be one of them women-units too.
That explains a lot. Probably a lot that we haven't yet heard and that would surprise and possibly relieve Mrs. Akin.
Because if you stick your nose into things too far, you might end up actually helping some actual people, instead of their bosses. Wouldn't want that.
Todd's definitely "in it to win it," isn't he?
Wants to be "in the money, we're in the money…"
It depends on what your definition of "it" is…
How, in the ever-loving holy fuck, are any of these races even close?
Jeebus aitch kreesto, the dems suck at just stepping on the opposition's neck.
I honestly think it's because of this whole free-thinking thing the Left has going. While we all have our own sage opinions mumbled into a thousand microphones, the Right has just as many people screaming DEATH PANELS in unison. Like Will Rogers said, we're not members of an organized party.
It's not even October. There's plenty of time.
38 days and counting.
You are under-valuing the effect of single-issue voting.
Pulling numbers completely out of my ass, I'd guess that 30% of Missou voters will go Akin purely because of abortion. The Dems cannot stomp on that neck (without fielding a forced-birth candidate of their own).
Still pulling it out, I'd say 5% to 10% will go Akin because there is a half-black man currently in the White House. No stomping on that neck.
So, according to my ass, Akin gets 35% to 40% of the vote no matter what the fucking Democrats do. If you, or my ass, figures there are 40% reliable Blue Doggie votes (based on pre-fooferah polls), that leaves 20 to 25% "undecided".
If Claire gets 52%, that will be stomping on the opposition's neck.
Well, from Akin's whimpering, it sounds like he is fretting about juuuust how unladylike Claire is getting to be (neck-stomping levels of unladylike behaviors?). We could send her this comment thread for suggestions.
The freedom to be a sexist assface? AMERICA!
The freedom to control one's own body? HITLER!
Actually, if we as a nation stuck our noses into things, we'd have fewer illegitimate rapes.
Well, fewer women would get pregnant, anyway.
But more of them would be smiling …
:)
i'm pretty kinky, but i'll take a nose over a transvaginal ultrasound any day of the week. especially friday.
Mormon noses are too squeaky clean for my taste.
Yeah, all that squeaking down there could be very distracting.
And might attract predators…
Ah, the old GOP "discrimination = freedom" argument… They sure love to stick to the classics, don't they?
"I think it’s about freedom." — Todd Akin
"Freedumb" = Liberty for all, equality for some, maternity for them that's whut Gawd intended.
Breaking …
hehehehehehehe
Sometimes God sends us snarkers a WIN.
For the record, my faps are never offensive. Or at least that's what my boyfriend tells me.
Saved As 'milfap'
Oh, that Deles… always getting into some hot water.
Fuck. What? Noooo. Yes? YAY!!
Has anyone asked Akins today if he would have voted for the Civil Rights Act yet? Because this is his opportunity for a foot in mouth hat trick.
We can bet he considered the Plantation owners….job creators.
Well they are still creating those style jobs, only now it is in China. Free trade is all the rage with these guys.
Oh, he already came out against that before the "legitimate rape" thing ever hit. Big, big no. Also, too, he would like to end the direct election of Senators, because of course he would. Freedom!
So Senators should simply be appointed to their posts by the Koch brothers?
Well, it would save lots of time and money.
Well, it would save the Koch bros a lot of money. I suspect it would cost us lots more.
Didn't seem to hurt Rand Paul too much, though, did it? Hell, it might even get him more votes than he loses in Missourah.
If the government legitimately sticks its nose into all kinds of things, free enterprise has a way of shutting that whole thing down.
If it's legitimate pay discrimination, the female body has ways of shutting that down…
WE VOTE.
Eat it, Akin, you insufferable dick.
Apropos of nought: ran across a Cox-era wonkett story, reminded me of your avatar~
Shorter Akin: "You're free to take it and like it, bitch."
If it's an illegitimate raise, then I believe there's a way the employer can shut that whole fairness thing down.
I'm not saying Akins is a sociopath, but it would explain a lot of the things he's said lately.
Look carefully at his pictures. You can see that smarmy self-satisfied smirk on his wife's mug as well. I could see either or both of them eating babies for fun.
Well, I sure as hell am. This guy is a sociopath.
Well, if Todd Akin's advisors want him to be more like David Koresh, who am I to argue? If he wants to support crazed, megalomaniacal bigamistic pedophiles with delusions of godhead, then this election should be a referendum on that worldview.
Burn baby, burn….with votes…in hell, Mr. Akin.
Mr. Wookies, you use yer mouth purtier than a twenty dollar whore.
Aw, shucks.
So, what I'd like to ask Mr. Akin is, "When David Koresh fucked eleven and twelve-year-old girls who (according to their testimony) didn't actively resist him because their brainwashed parents had handed them over to him and told them to obey him, was that legitimate rape?"
I don't see why people are upset, it's clearly just an analogy, not a literal plan. It merely indicates how seriously she thought he should take the campaign.
And now I'm going to go look in the fridge for something to snack on, just like Jeffrey Dahmer stalked the streets of Milwaukee looking for potential cannibal-murder victims.
(I'm merely saying I'm hungry. Don't judge me!)
I'm totally judging you!
Just be sure to stay out of reach, also. He's HUNGRY!
I know I feel all sorts of freedom when I get my paycheck that is at most 70% of my male colleagues. Freedom from being able to buy a home or car. Freedom from earning myself a financially secure retirement. Freedom from paying down credit card debt. Sweet, blessed Freedom.
You're not free enough yet. Once Todd eliminates minimum wage, you will really start feeling the freedom.
Feels like… nothing left to lose!
Uh-oh: a person with nothing to lose is a person with nothing to fear.
Also, a person with nothing to lose probably doesn't have a cigerette I could bum off of them.
It really shows up in retirement, with women being primarily dependent on Social Security/Medicare/Medicaid. So there really IS a Republican war on women, and I hope you're doing what you can to ensure the Democrats take control of the Senate and the House.
No, no; wrong thinking. It's your boss who gets the freedom. We get to know our place.
Babe, Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose…
And don't forget that you're expected to spend twice the amount that a man does on clothes and grooming items if you want to "get ahead" and improve your lot in life.
"Bad Nancy Sinatra records."
Lunatic bitch is redundant. And a lunatic.
What century did this guy fall out of without a parachute?
"Freedom" sure sounds like a load of shit when he puts it that way.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
It's freedom or Jeebus. They got nothin' else.
No one better tell Akin about Lassie being played by a male dog and all. The cognitive dissonance of who's doing "women's work" / canine misogynistics/ gender identity crisis, might asplode his brain.
Which, on the other hand, I would enjoy watching. Hm, let's think of some more… Who's got Akin's email address handy?
I don't know. He may be happy to hear that a well-paying job went to a male, as it should, since that male has a family to support, unlike females.
He's on Twitter. @ToddAkin.
As I look back on the 2012 election with smug fondness at our first steps to a permanent Dem majority (or 1,000 years of darkness, if you're Mrs. Chuck Norris), I will have but one sad: that Thurston didn't pick THIS dude to be his running mate, so they could both have their feet permanently in the mouths.
He just makes Eddie Munster seem so boring in comparison.
How soon we forget the Ryan-Akin Forcible Rape Act of '11.
Eddie Munster has the same loathsome opinions as Todd Akin; he's just able to make Bambi eyes when he's expressing them.
And, we should be surprised by the inanity coming from members of the Stupids Party, like, why now?
if the government is so fucking awful why do they keep trying to be in it?
They have ways of shutting that whole thing down.
Word. Say I went to a job interview. I tell them I hate the company and its corruption, compare the boss to Hitler, and explain how I want to actively destroy it from the inside. If security DIDN'T justifiably taze me, there'd be something very wrong with that company.
Sounds like a great Office premise. Run with that!!
Microsoft Office™?
For the same reason they want to outlaw anything that threatens our souls while they soak in wealth and power.
To "shut the whole thing down", of course. The impending Downfall of America will be an inside job.
Self immolation is the name of his game.
And I thought I had it bad. Surrounded by people who actually voted for David Vitter. I'm glad I don't live in a state that takes Akin seriously.
Between the two of you, per Colbert:
"Arkansas – Come for the meth, stay because you traded your car for meth!"
The populace down here in the Dust Bowl are in full sympathy with him, just from afar. They don't make 'em crazy enough to alienate these morons.
Rush Limbaugh and Todd Akin are from Missouri. I see a trend here. I wonder how many other backwater goatfucks who want to be a politician or bloviate on a rad-did-eo show are from the Land of The Ozarks.
wasn't john asscrack…er…ashcroft (who was beaten for the senate by a DEAD MAN!) from missouri?
Limbaugh's from the Bootheel, old plantation country that never gave up on the concept of chattel slavery. Where's the Toddster from?
Whoa, just looked it up: a pocket borough in suburban St Louis. What's going on there in MO?
There is some question as to where he actually lives, but it is in the St Louis area. http://townandcountry-manchester.patch.com/articl…
Should you need to know about Missouri, by no means go there to satisfy your want of knowledge. The thing to do is to have some brave soul, who will venture into hell for you, simply send or bring you the bar-b-que. You will then know all you need to know about the state, without the unpleasant experience of actually waking up and finding you are in…well…Missouri.
My mom lived in Missouri for a couple of years. She always pronounced it as 'Misery'.
You just can't completely give up on a state that contains Lake Pomme de Terre.
Why is Akin taking advice from a woman anyway? Doesn't he know that most real men would regard this as a sure sign of pussywhippedness?
Stay strong, Ake! Don't listen to the haterz.
Waco jokes? Already?
IT'S TOO SOON!
Good god. What is it going to to take for the good people of old Mizzou to reject this guy? Does he need to wish out loud for a return to Jim Crow? To slavery? How deep into the 19th century does a Republican need to go before a southern state will give up on him?
Sadly, that would probably just get him more votes.
They claim it's a "border state." Plainly on the border between bestiality and fundamentalism.
[As native son S. Clemens would say, "but I repeat myself."]
What else can I get away with if I say I did it for "Freedom"?
Recent history suggests that the sky's the limit.
Free Parking?
And that pesky clitoris, let's get rid of that too.
Vagina's on Fire!!1!
Nope. Keepin' mine.
Um … I don't think settin' 'em on fire is the best way to get any, Radio.
Unless, of course, you're a fighter pilot.
Pierre?
Oui?
And if, instead of agreeing to the salary offer, they opt to bargain collectively, we should totally send in the Army.
No no, the new technique is the lockout. Very effective so long as it doesn't impinge on something important like football.
if follow up questions were allowed , then : What other forms of blatant discrimination do you support sir? Should a public entity that gets taxpayer dollars be allowed to discriminate based only on gender?
Republicans aren't big on responding to follow-up questions. Isn't it enough that they deigned to answer your first question?
As long as the first answer can include a reference to clouds.
Does anyone in the Republican party have an Internet connection, because these people have some serious catching up on the times to do.
As a followup question, Mr. Akin: are you aware that people other than white landowners are allowed to vote in this election?
white male landowners (I'm sure you meant this, just clarifyin')…
WHOOPS, my bad! Yes indeedy.
I prefer "Vagin-American", thank you.
I tried to go Vagin once. It leaves you quite tired.
I winced at the Waco picture, fearing that our Editrix might have poked at a wound that is still too fresh. It turns out at least one GOP political operative will hold David Koresh up as a model of courage. And brag about it. Who ARE these people? Have we checked for pods?
We checked for witches in the last election, but she denied it.
Okay, you 've shown us, Missouri – you can close the gates now….
" … however it wants to work" What do we suppose the definition of it is in this context?
Considering the source "it" is a female who foolishly wants to put on some shoes and lipstick and get a job outside the home , where she belongs.
before it puts the lotion on….
When you think about it, why should government pass any laws? If I decide to kill my neighbor because he is a Commie Pinko, Black or I want his bigger house, why should we waste the money of producers on courts and judges and all that stuff. No, we should allow the market to decide if my murdering of a fellow human being is legitimate or not. If the market is against me,then I will suffer. If not, i will be at the final stage of going Galt. All I have to lose is my economic standing, and as we have seen, that is an incredible incentive that prevents anyone on Wall Street from doing anything wrong.
Your neighbor must be a real dick.
Shep Smith apologizes that his producer was not able to cut the live feed before this guy committed political suicide.
I have a thing I would like to stick into his nose. It's an autographed life cast dildo of Barack Obama's manhood, in case you needed me to fill in the blank.
EDITED: Actually I would like to stuff a bunch of votes all up in there, which is less overtly nose-rapey.
This will just make Todd Akin's female fans even happier.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/govt-and-polit…
Don't do that, Annie. Because then you force me to import this quote:
Is talking to other women what women do best? Really?
No, duh, making sammiches is what women do best.
in that Stepforn-Wives, Mercedes-driving, "Dammit-the-cook-bought-Ikura-even-though-I-told-her-Beluga" style of conversation, yes.
Speakers included conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, who said Democratic claims of a Republican "war on women" is "the silliest thing anyone ever thought up." She defended Akin as someone she's known "his whole life," and lashed out at both political parties.
Jesus. Who let this insufferable, homophobic, dried-up twat out of the kitchen? I AM STILL WAITING ON MY DAMN SAMMICH, PHYLLIS.
Gah, I can't even imagine what kind of horrid, dust-filled, Miracle Whip creation that old bat would put together if set loose in a kitchen.
I'm pretty sure it would involve green jello, black olives, pineapple bits, slivered almonds, and a MW covered iceberg lettuce leaf on which to perch. Class!
Why the fuck is Phyllis Schlafly still alive? Is there painting of a baby somewhere?
Phylllis Schlafly???? Did they get her out of mothballs?….
I thought they kept her in a temperature and humidity controlled chamber like Otzi the Iceman.
From the article Another speaker described herself as "an abortion survivor," whose mother resisted relatives' urging that she abort her pregnancy.
Really? That makes you a survivor?
Yes, she survived… a debate, I guess?
No, the fetus survived, crawled out of the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood office, grew to maturity, and ran for Senate from Missouri.
God, I'm sorry. That's terrible. Someone had to say it though.
My mom was preggers with me and had left Crocker Bank 5 minutes before Patty Hearst and the SLA stormed in. So by this lunatic logic I am 'a bank robbery survivor'.
Sorry, but Oh, for fuck's sake.
Medium-sized anecdote follows.
Dramatis personae:
J, my ex-wife
C, her ex-hubby, before me
R, their girl-child
When J was pregnant (accidentally, I'm told) with R, C went to some lengths to try to persuade J to have an abortion. Didn't happen, and R resulted, certainly to my delight as her moderate-duration stepfather.
J and C had the opposite of an amicable divorce, and, as you might expect, much of the contention involved custody of R, and also competition for her affection. Somehow, J managed to never mention C's advocacy of abortion to R, because THAT WOULD BE A REALLY SHITTY THING TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER.
While I acknowledge that "relatives" might not be as obnoxious in this case as "father", this "survivor's" mother was a dick.
Later on in that fine piece of journamalism, we read that Todd Akin recited a poem. What kind of journasaur doesn't get the name of the goddam poem? Probably someone who majored in "Mass Communications" instead of English.
Well since the writer failed, we'll just have to assume it was William Blake's "The Sick Rose," which goes something like this:
Yum, yum…
"The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the deeps of my heart."
Could Yeats write 'em, or what?
What rough beast, slouching towards Washington…
There once was a girl from Nantuckett…
As my STL-area daughter says, "Friends don't let friends live in Chesterfield"
I'm late to the party–been busy–but the article quotes one "Heather Kesselring" as being a front line shill for Akin and his great love for the wimmen folk. I wonder if Heather is any relationship to General Fieldmarshall Albert Kesselring of the Luftwaffe way back in WW II? She and Akin make Godwin's Law really easy pickings.
So, if someone wants to pay you, say, six cents a day, that's about FREEDOM? Oh, OK, see I thought it was about greed…prick!
No, no, you're the greedy one if you want more, which would keep that generous job creator from hiring more people for 6 cents a day. Jobs!
I live in Waco.
That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.
Very good.
But do you live four blocks away?
Touchè.
Nice.
It's apparently coming out–so to speak–that he got busted and carted off to jail at an anti-abortion protest 25 years ago. Really, the guy is the gift who keeps on giving.
Just think of how different things could have been if Janet Reno wasn't so uppity and just brought Koresh a sandwich instead of a hail of tear gas. And didn't expect no equal pay, neither. That would make a fine rightwing alternative history novel right there.
…or Janet could have arrested him on one of his daily jogs instead of the made-for-tv-debacle she created. There were actually media people on the compound before the (non-undercover) police.
I always like Janet Reno's Dance Party.
Teh Gum'mint haz oral sects???
So I guess all we need now is for someone to come forward with hard evidence implicating the Republicans with the deaths of Jack and Bobbie Kennedy. Then this election cycle will be complete.
that won't happen: LBJ did it and he was NOT a republican (although he played one on teevee)
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, must be the truth."
LBJ? Nah. Who stood to gain from both deaths?
Hubert Humphrey? Get out.
"I shouted out, 'Who killed the Kennedys?', when after all, it was [...] me."
"Sympathy for the Devil", as quoted by Mit Romney
Memo to the right wing: the fact that the government's handling of Waco is considered a fuckup on a scale previously reserved for bathhouse orgies does not automatically make Koresh the good guy. To put it in terms you'd understand, imagine if PETA got into a slapfight with Hollywood filmmakers. You're allowed to hate both sides.
Who doesn't like a bad Nancy Sinatra record?
This could have turned out much differently if they had been able to use Gangnam Style instead.
I want to apologize for interrupting, but there's not a forum for the Wonkeratti, and only one person in the chatroom when I go in there. So my apologies to everyone for jumping off subject.
OH SWEET JESUS LOOK WHAT I FOUND SPY MAGAZINE FROM THE 80'S
This may tide me over for the weekend, while waiting for Doktor Zoom's Sunday School Lesson.
There's a chat room?
Chat: http://wonkette.chatango.com
FB: https://www.facebook.com/Wonkette
That chatroom is not worth wasting your time. And haven't you been around long enough to know you just slap an OT: at the beginning of your comment and keep on trucking? Nobody cares. And last thread of the day/week is always an open thread, for all intents.
Thanks for the protocol. Will do!
Stay out of my basement, and take your scanner with you!!
I started that chatroom in 08 so we could discuss the Obama-McCain debates without crashing Wonkette. (Wonkette crashed anyway.) It was cool for a while, but I eventually got annoyed by the tenor of some of the members that hung out there. It was only ever like 15 people, but it still got aggravating after a while. Friended those people on Facebook, too, which was cool until some of them attacked my friends and family with some seriously hateful and seriously petty arguments, stuff that didn't even have anything to do with politics. Don't waste your time going to the chatroom, people. Those folks are fuckers.
Is this the issue where they called Donald Trump a "short-fingered vulgarian"?
Government sticking “its nose” into “things.” Yeah , that's a problem, but I kinda don't like the Republican-led governments sticking "things" into "other places" — especially of the lady variety.
The most amazing thing about Ms. Kellyanne Conway is that people pay her for her advice. Don't you love America?!
Too bad she doesn't get paid as much as her male counterparts.
Don't tell her. She might turn upitty.
I heard she charged Todd Akin $800,000. for that butt-ugly carpet.
If he does get get re-elected I will open my home to any refugees from Missouri who are able to fly the cuckoo's nest.
Ladyfolk ought to be restricted to ladylike work, you know like flower pressing or powdering their noses. This IS the 19th Century, folks!
Or attending Todd Akin rallies in white….
What do you expect when most of the residents of Missouri mispronounce the name of their state.
I've said it before but it bears repeating…I hope they just keep talking like this right up until election day.
Freedom as the opposite of fairness. I think I now understand the GOP platform better.
"If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work."
Apparently Todd Akin learned sentence construction at the same school Jan Brewer and Michele Bachmann attended.
I need a new wall. The one I've got is full of large dents from me banging my head against it.
The right wing vajayjay has a way of keeping that guvamint nose out of its legitimate bidness.
Hey, I triple p'd – I'll be damned….do I have to give the avatar back to the Olmecs?….
Felicitations! To answer your question, you may choose between the Olmecs and the New Mex.
Keep it, obviously it's working.
[looking at a giant stone head Mr. Burns has had delivered to the Simpson house]
Homer: Marge, what does it do?
Marge: It doesn't do anything.
Homer: Marge, really, what does it do?
Marge: Whatever it does, it's doing it right now.
Well, the guys I've worked with like to stand around and shoot the crap about grown men who play with balls, while all the women were hard at work, so I see nothing wrong with getting paid less than them. Where would the industry of grown men playing with balls be without them?
this is beehive state transition….
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you, Akin.
As a Fallopian-American, with a master's degree and a full-time union position in a well-regarded public university, my gross salary is less than thirty thousand a year.
Oh, I forgot to mention, my unit is all the "pink-collar" positions on campus. We little ol' gals don't need more than pin money because a) what we do is, you know, not like real work because, how could we? we are just women, and b) we must have a big ol' strong MAN around the house** that makes the real wages of the "household" and c) everyone knows that women folk just "work" because they *think* they're bored (think! heh!).
I make less than a starting level custodian with a HS diploma or GED and 6 months work experience (different union).
Because after all, many of the custodians are MEN*** and they have actual financial burdens, you know, what with having to support a family, something that a woman could not ever comprehend. Also, too, they are doing manly work, so by definition, it is important, and mine must not be.
And thank god for the union or we would be in bad shape!
No raises for three years, either.
Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou, Akin.
**Unless we are lesbians.
***Don't get me wrong, I like men!
Um, I don't actually have any snark.
Sorry. Really.
Why are all the "f" or "F" letters in the comments highlighted yellow?
Edit: Never mind, now they're not.
I'm obviously losing my mind. Or maybe I should have a drink. Yes, I think I'll try that.
Works for me.
Todd, go ahead and write the book on your childhood, I'm just guessing, but I think it has the makings of a best seller.
"Carrie" is already a book.
Any advice to Republican politicians that leads them to burning themselves alive before they hurt anyone else is fine by me.
The most disturbing thing about Todd Akin is not that he got the GOP nomination for Senate but that he has been a member of the House of Reps for ten fucking years. I realize the House isn't exactly Plato's Symposium but how could a majority of voters anywhere vote for this guy?
The majority of voters in his District are dicks?
"the bad Nancy Sinatra records"
I'm not familiar with Kellyanne Conway's lifetime accomplishments, but I feel safe in saying that none of them include anything as good as "These Boots are Made for Walkin'".
That's a damn good reality check, there.
"because freedom"
Todd Akin controlling the lives of women = freedom
Women actually having freedom = Satan
Stop it, Republicans, just stop it already, okay?
Seriously it is getting hard to tell the people who are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and the perpetrators of it.
"HOW IS MISSOURI SENATE CANDIDATE TODD AKIN SETTING HIS COMPOUND ON FIRE TODAY?" Certainly not with a match; Todd hasn't had a match since Tom DeLay died. What? He's still alive? Shit!
My theory: Republicans are so totally sure that the Santa Kochs will give them the White House and Congress for Christmas they've stopped going through the strenuous effort of pretending to not be crazy. It's like when the psycho serial killer doesn't wear a suit to court because he knows where things are going and he might as well be comfortable while everybody tells him how scummy he is.
Just a dog whistle to white patriotism.
Akin is going to drive a rented Ryder van with fertilizer & gasoline payload to Mc Caskill HQ — WITH VOTES!!!!!
You know Ms. Conway is nuts because she implies there were good Nancy Sinatra records.
Why, you know some Extra Virgins?
That was SO clever. C'mere you! (Hugs the Yellerdawg)
You need to download the upgrade to SUPEREGO.
I believe that is a recipe for a roué.
Jeebus' Mom?
I got 72 virgins, but you ain't one?
Trust me on this. Virgins are totally a waste of time. You want someone who knows how to appreciate a little of the old slap 'n tickle. Virgins just lie there waiting for you to Magically Make Them Feel Special. Lotsa work for not a lot of fun.
You better watch yo'self there, bwah. No "Yo'Mama" jokes for Jeebus.
I ain't? Who told you?
You mean all these years I've been doing it wrong?
You've been doing *virgins*? Girl!
Forever Hymen.
No, silly, I've been just lying there waiting to be Made to Feel Special.
No. I should, shouldn't I? Prefer the tried and true method of bitching and moaning till everyone's sick of hearing about it.
Awright, awright, I'm writing her.
:)
Z, Z, Z. You think I don't take notes?
Hey, with enough reps, I could pronounce your name. On the other hand, I'm not a media personality, so suck.
Aside: My front name is still Bob. Really, nobody can fuck that up. I've been Mr. Bob and Bob-san, and equivalent, in several languages.
Yes please. I need all the upfisties I can get.
Good idea,z. Did you get the bugs out of your house? How are you feeling?
Yes, though I had to have some rather stern words with certain people in order to get it all done. The dead bugs died at appropriate times in appropriate places with their little bug legs all curled up and I vacuumed them up and wiped up all their frass and other buggy bits. We are now officially bug free.
My back's still fucked, though, and my partner's out of town for a couple of weeks, so life will get kind of exciting. Will I make it down the stairs two or three times a day for nutriment? Or will I starve to death in the House Upon The Hill?
If I get real snappy and grouchy like, it'll be anaconda I'm probably hungry. But I have high hopes.
I understand why a horse, why a this, why a that… I no understand why a duck.
Ah, Chico, I was hoping to hear from you ….
"I had to have some rather stern words with certain people in order to get it all done"
Can't remember where I read this, but some woman was having trouble with teenagers in her suburban neighborhood hanging out in her garage while she was at work, smoking cigarettes, etc.
So she called the neighborhood watch — except somebody else on her street called the exterminator for bugs, and he went to the wrong house.
Exterminator: OK, Ma'am, I can see you've got a problem. Don't worry, I'll get rid of them.
Lady: Get rid of them? What do you mean?
Ext: I mean I'll kill them with poison gas.
Lady [clutching pearls]: Oh, NO! Can't you just give them a stern talking to? Or call their parents?
Haha, just do what I do: sit in bed surrounded by books and Bon Bons, and in your case kitties.
You're wrong, the whole three a'yiz.
He was in the Aristocrats.
I have to be able to climb down the stairs to get bonbons. :)
It's OK. The fridge is well stocked with fresh food and the freezer with home-made stews and soups. The trick is not re-injuring the back. And I have lots of reading to do, so I'll be too busy to worry about not getting bonbons. :)
Oh, gawd. I think I would plotz if I was her.
The bug dood, OTOH, must've thought: jesus wouldja look at that hippie chick, she's nutz!
There's three of iz? Ya learn sump'n ev' day.
What, you don't want to help out our overlords?
I would imagine it's all popping off the plants right out there in the field.
So all we need now is a popcorn harvester. Running on solar energy.
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