WAR AGAINST WAR AGAINST WAR AGAINST WOMEN  3:32 pm September 28, 2012

How Is Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin Setting His Compound On Fire Today?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Burning down the houseWhen Republican consultant Kellyanne Conway told Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin to be more like David Koresh — the cult leader in Waco whose standoff with the ATF led to the death of 80 of his followers and himself — apparently, Todd Akin listened! So how did Todd Akin set his compound on fire today? Oh just by saying that the Equal Pay Act, which dates back to 1963 and says it is illegal to pay Fallopian-Americans less than men solely on the basis of their plumbing, is unfair, because freedom.

First, here’s Kellyanne Conway, who is obviously a lunatic, via RightWingWatch:

I believe that the establishment will have to look at this race and they will have to hold their nose because the first days—and I’ve expressed this to Todd as my client for a while now, I’ve expressed it to him directly—the first day or two where it was like the Waco with David Koresh situation where they’re trying to smoke him out with the SWAT teams and the helicopters and the bad Nancy Sinatra records. Then here comes day two and you realize the guy’s not coming out of the bunker. Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters.

Now, we know the wingtards have gone a little militia-happy ever since Waco and Ruby Ridge, but we did not know they actively look up to and seek to emulate David Koresh — who, we will repeat, died along with 28 kids and 54 adults after setting his own compound on fire. Sounding really sane and lucid there, Kellyanne Conway! But how has Todd Akin showed us his principle lately?

Just yesterday, he noted that Claire McCaskill wasn’t “ladylike” because in their debate she did not make him a sandwich! But that was yesterday. Todd Akin, how have you shown us your “principle” today?

Via TPM:

AUDIENCE MEMBER: You voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Why do you think it is okay for a woman to be paid less for doing the same work as a man?

AKIN: Well, first of all, the premise of your question is that I’m making that particular distinction. I believe in free enterprise. I don’t think the government should be telling people what you pay and what you don’t pay. I think it’s about freedom. If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work. So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble.

Yes. The government has gotten us into huge trouble, by sticking “its nose” into “things.”

So how many Senate seats will the Democrats end up with? 120 or so? Seems low.

[TPM]

 

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{ 416 comments }

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm

This guy is a fucking genius.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"Genius" still means dumb fuckstick right?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

In Republicanville, yes

"Me stand barefoot on broken glass! Me genius!"

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Me fail Civics class? That's unladylike!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Of the fucking variety.

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Hi Baby!!!!!!!!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Hey, sweetpea! (Hugs you)

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I am having so many problems with ID lately. No idea why. Takes FOREVER to get to Wonketz, to comment, to reload. So if you see me hangin' round here and say hi, don't worry if I don't get back to you for an hour or so. Srsly, that's what it's taking right now. Sometimes I have to log out and log back in again, and sometimes it tells me I'm logged in when I'm not.

Yellerdawg September 28, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Strange. I've been having problems with EGO.

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 6:44 pm

S'ok honey. Did you email our beloved editrix about it?

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

He is Performance Art.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

For a value of Performance Art == Piece of Shit.

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Actually, snark off–I think the real fucking genius is Claire McCaskill, for getting this POS as her opponent.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:23 pm

She set it up, and he fell into the trap.

Veritas78 September 28, 2012 at 5:04 pm

No wonder McCaskill wanted to run against him.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:05 am

Oh, I doubt very much that Akin is a genius at fucking. Women, anyway. Oh wait, I get it! Never mind!

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm

As a Fallopian-American, I stand ready to stomp his shiny white hiny into the ground. Todd Akin, come on down!!!

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Make sure to do your stomping with votes.

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Indeed.

sewollef September 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Big metal-studded votes mind you….

Edit: I should read further down the page before posting; I should read further down the page before posting; I should read further down the page before posting. Thanks actor.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Big metal-toed, steel-shanked votes.

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

*tsk* So unladylike.

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'll make sure to flutter my eyelashes while I'm stomping.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I think you just need to stick your pinky out.

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Stomping his hiney is too good for him. You need to stomp his crotch.

"Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters." And what does this mean? That he has shown himself to be a Neanderthal, male chauvinist pig? I hope Claire McCaskill is able to beat him into a pulp in November.

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

An unrecognizable pulp, works for me.

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

"You need to stomp his crotch."

But in a ladylike way!

just_a_head September 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

With heels on!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Do eet. DO EEEEEEET!

Also, pix or gtfo.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Needz moar whacking with (vote) purse!

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Needz moar whacking with ballot box.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Oh, definitely. They tend to be more solid and well-made than ladies' purses. Leave more of an, um, impression, as it were.

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Okay, fluttering eyelashes, pinky out, big-ass studded vote purse, maybe some red stilettoes with matching lipstick and a great big honking Texas debutante curtsey at the end. I'll need some Clorox wipes for my shoes and purse after, just say'n.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

There will be a line of prostate-Americans forming behind you to handle any clean-up.

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Ah do declah, that is an awesome comment (fluttering eyelashes).

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I'll bring 'em. Hell, I'll even hold your coat.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

"his shiny white hiny"

Oh, no — now you reminded me of that song from grade school:
Bom bom bom bom
I see your hiney
It's nice and shiny
You better hide it,
You know I'll bite it!

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:08 am

Gee, we only had the I see London, I see France ditty. Yours would definitely make for more exciting chases around the playground.*

*Church parking lot.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm

How does the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act get my sandwich to me in front of the TV faster?

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I would love you to ask her directly that question. If I'm not mistaken she spoke at the DNC and she looked like a pretty tough cookie…

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:11 pm

She was great. Full of snap and crackle. Don't take no shit from nobody.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Actually, how cool is it to get an Act of Congress named after you while you're still alive?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Pretty damn cool. And I woulda done it too except nobody would be able to pronounce my name. And then I would haz a Sadz.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

As long as it isn't like Megan's Law or something.

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm

All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and……

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

You're on drugs….

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:23 pm

No, I am.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

But I'm not.

Who will remedy this injustce?

Hondo September 28, 2012 at 5:50 pm

and she wouldn't give it to me.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

But George? George coulda asked for a whole damn case, and she woulda walked over a football field fulla razors to bring it to him.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Nevermind. Forget it, you wouldn't understand anyway.

BloviateMe September 28, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Wait, what are you talking about, we decided!?
My best interest?! How can you know what's my best interest is?
How can you say what my best interest is? What are you trying to say, I'm crazy?
When I went to your schools, I went to your churches,
I went to your institutional learning facilities?! So how can you say I'm crazy?

Chet Kincaid_ September 28, 2012 at 5:18 pm

As a Blue Dog Democrat, McCaskill will settle for 3/4 pay for equal work, and will bring you half a sandwich.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:11 am

Flying through the air at 50 mph? A little bit of weight to help the trajectory supplied by the steak knife I accidentally included?

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I for one, am a big fan of sticking my "nose" into "things."

Definitions really matter a lot in this area of course.

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Note to self: Dok is not a Mormon, doesn't enjoy "parking."

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Now hang on a ding-danged moment there. Just because he likes more than parking doesn't mean he doesnt like parking.

I mean, it's a P-E-N-I-S inserted into…well, SOMEwhere on her, so who wouldn't?

Sharkey September 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Do they call you "Nosey Joe"?

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm

How much to get my nose brown?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:13 pm

A couple tablespoons of olive oil should do the trick, Radio. Just make sure you don't set the temperature too high … wut?

Why are you STARING at me like that?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Are you sure you're not looking at a recipe for a roux?

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Would that be Extra Virgin Olive Oil?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Needs MOAR oil.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"Are you sure you're not looking at a recipe for a roux?"

There are some things I rue, but recipes are not among them.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

What did you stick your nose into? A Dutch oven?

MittBorg September 29, 2012 at 1:23 am

Dude, that was RADIO'S nose. I just do the cooking around here.

mavenmaven September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Akin seems to be sticking his nose into things… primarily up his own @$$.

Indiepalin September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

The last time I got drunk and went on Amazon, I ended up with "Nancy Sinatra's Greatest Hits"

weejee September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Shoulda gone for the Lead Belly CD (see below).

Terry September 28, 2012 at 3:45 pm

These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'd do.
One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you!

WhatTheHeck September 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

That’s not very “ladylike.”

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Oh, shoot, you beat me. Now i know that it was indeed, very witty. :)

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 4:54 pm

You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

LesBontemps September 28, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Prescient.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:06 pm

How ever do you rack up an awe-inspiring -105p points?

Indiepalin September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Nancy Sinatra's Greatest HIts.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Like when she posed nude in Playboy at age fifty-something?

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Is it a mark of distinction? Cuz I won't upfist you if you'd rather I didn't.

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I just upfisted you. Should I not have done that?

weejee September 28, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Indiepalin dives on lotsa grenades over at the t@rd sites.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Thereby earning the blog-commenter Medal of Honor.

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

It's like a badge of honor then…

Yellerdawg September 28, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I find that watching the Daily Show, drinking and browsing Amazon at the same time leads to a lot of bad book purchases.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

At least you didn't end up with Nancy Sinatra.

ufr980 September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

So how many Senate seats will the Democrats end up with? 120 or so?

Clearly you give the state of Rush Limbaugh's birth and upbringing far too much intellectual credit.

whatever_dc September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

i wonder how many tags to "david koresh" wonkette has in the last couple of years!

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Whadda you mean, Twodd, you believe in free enterprise? All that free shit, iPhones and free money and stuff going to the 47%, that's what got us into this mess to begin with!

nounverb911 September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"Women can vote in Missouri? Wait! What?"
–Todd Akin

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"Blacks too?!" he continued.

Veritas78 September 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm

"Mebbe we should count 'em and see if this is gonna be a problem."

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Didn't he mean: "sticking it's trunk into things?…"

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Perfect.

Goonemeritus September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I don’t think there is a single voter that expects or wants Todd Akin’s to come out of his bunker.

nounverb911 September 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Do you know who else never came out of his bunker?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Me, with the new Playboy.

Oh, bunkER? Well, that's different…

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Edith: "AAAArchay"?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Technically, it was probably Meathead. I think Archie and Edith stopped having sex a long time before.

Boredw/Gravitas September 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Bunker? I barely knew her!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Um, oh, let me see, now, I would guess … HITLER?

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

The British Army?
No, wait — I'm thinking of Bunker Hill.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 12:58 am

Oh, he came out of that bunker, just not in the way he wished he had.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh for fuck's sake …

On behalf of all sane Show Me Stateians, I would like to apologize for this fuckstain of a human being.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You can make it up to us by having him lose the election.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Trust me — I'll be doing my part to ensure that …

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Yay!

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

And you can make me a sammich…hold the mayo….

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I like MO. When I stay in Kansas City I insist it's in KCMO and not KCK. Plus St. Louis is a pretty cool town when it wants to be.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm

KCMO is where most of us live.

KCK is where most of us shop and watch rednecks make left turns for three hours (oh, and watch the only winning team we have in this freaking town).

And despite cross-state rivalry and all that, I've had many a great time in StL, especially when the folks there aren't trying to be Chicago-light.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

And KCK sucks Akin dicks…

Mittaplasia September 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I'm still proud of Mo from when you voted for the dead guy rather than John Ashcroft.

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Say what you will about KCK; I'm embarrassed to live in the state next door to this Akin dickweed.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Apology unnecessary. He's not your fault. Good luck. If you can take this shitheel out (with votes, duh), it will be a real feather in the cap of sanity. (Sorry, lost my metaphor there. You know what I mean).

Every state — hell, every Congressional district — contains a significant percentage of people who would vote for their equivalent of Todd Akin because of the (R); and also a significant percentage who would vote for their equivalent of Claire McCaskill because of the (D). Even in the most one-sided electoral units, around a quarter of the voters dissent. (Nancy Fucking Pelosi never gets more than about 80%). At any given moment, at least one out of four voters feels that his or her elected "representative" does not represent him or her.

Fucking tribalism, how does it work?

Anyhow, best of luck to you. At least you don't have Steve King.

Hammiepants September 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I've said it before, but are the Repubutards TRYING to lose this election? 'Cause it sure doesn't seem like they're trying to win it.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I have to admit that of all the elections I have watched (since Carter lost to Reagan, basically), this has been the best for sheer wackiness, nutbaggery, and entertainment value.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Seriously right. I have run out of popcorn like 20 times in this campaign.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I TOLD y'all last year, but did you listen? Popcorn futures, I said. Invest in popcorn. But NO. Y'all had to be smartasses.

See if I share mine with you, huh.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Especially after this non-global warming period of drought. We shoulda listened to you.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Here you go. More smartassery: http://tinyurl.com/c25z7dc

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

And then Ms. Conway gave him some pointers from Jim Jones.

DemmeFatale September 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, Todd!

(And yes , I know it's really Flavor-Aid.)

muthalovin September 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

This guy, he says thing that amuse and offend me.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

He's like the right wing Lenny Bruce. Only Lenny was trying to be funny.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Also, too, Lenny succeeded brilliantly at what he tried to do.

Chet Kincaid_ September 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Lenny who? Was he one of those "shock comics", or a "prop comic"?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:02 pm

You know, Lenny. From Lenny and Squiggy.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I thought it was from Len and Stimpy.

No?

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

"bad Nancy Sinatra records."

I don't care what anyone says, I still get a shiver when I hear that badass walking bass line in "These Boots are Made for Walkin'."

Terry September 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I also have the image of military boats on a river in Vietnam when I hear it. Thanks, Platoon!

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"And that's just what they'll do."

neiltheblaze September 28, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I especially remember the cheesy, Vegas, "au-go-go" horns at the end.

Beowoof September 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

That bass line will forever play the prostitute scene in Full Metal Jacket in my head.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Didn't she do a decent duet with Lee Greenwood or some deep voiced CW semi-star?

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Two duets with Lee Hazelwood, "Summer Wine" and "Jackson".

Chichikovovich September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I would just like to say for the record that I regard

You keep lyin' when you ought to be truthin'

as perhaps the greatest single song line in the history of composition.

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I don't disagree.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I've always been partial to "lies the seed, that with the sun's love", but I take your point.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:29 pm

It's good; it's very good, but

The screen door slams, Mary's dress waves

Captures every date and almost every adventure that everyone's ever had in six words.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Well obvs, Akin thought the question was about Huddie Ledbetter not Lilly.

♪♫ Let the Midnight Special, shine it's light on me ♫♪

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"Wanna see something really scary?"

Meh, probably too obscure.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

A welcome to the Twilight Zone?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Dee dee dee dee, dee dee dee dee

Nothing's too obscure for this crowd

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That's what I like about this crowd. We go in. Find it. Pull it out. Then we take it there.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I wish I *could* forget it.
That scene made me damn near jump out of my skin the first time I watched it.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Or as Van Morrison calls him on "Astral Weeks," "Hoodie Ledbetter."

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Stand Your Blues!

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:11 pm

♪♫ If I ventured in the slipstream
Between the viaducts of your dreams… ♫♪

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Viaduct?

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Or that other Ledbetter: Irene….goodnight….

weejee September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Das Huddie, too, also. The 12 strings of Lead Belly.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Same guy, dood.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I just meant tune… I knew a white gal in her 80's who claimed to have dated him – said that one time he was late for a train and had to go through the turnstile, tore the turnstile arm off, had strong arms…

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Can't just jump over the turnstile like the rest of us?
Fucking showoff.

HogeyeGrex September 28, 2012 at 5:48 pm

It's "Hedley!"

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Hedley Belly? Nah, never work.

randcoolcatdaddy September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You know, if someone introduced Aiken to someone like Buck Angel, Aiken's head would explode.

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I would really love to see Buck Angel deliver ye olde smackdownne to Mr. Akin.

Extra points if it was a tag-team with Buck and Kate Bornstein.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I would pay good munnies to see Buck Angel and Todd Akin in the same room. Mangina!

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Hell, Todd's head would explode if you introduced him to Nancy Sinatra.

EatsBabyDingos September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I hope Todd's wife is Mormon because that is one big dick to suck. Her jaw would be akin.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

We saw his wife yesterday. We do not want to see that again.

But if you must:
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/wp-content/upload

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

*runs screaming into the night.

DCBloom September 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

'splains a lot *smh

Veritas78 September 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Akin is gay-married? That guy looks like he doesn't put up with any crap.

MOG2410 September 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

From living with Todd, it takes a troll. I mean toll.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:06 am

ROTFLAMO!

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

No wonder Tawd thinks getting a woman pregnant takes a Herculean effort.
Stony ground, man, stony ground.

IncenseDebate September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

In Kellyanne's world, Koresh is some kind of Churchill.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble….Except uteruses. I can't stress that the government should, nay MUST, stick it's nose into your uteruses ladies."

-Todd "boy did you blow that campaign" Atkin

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Listen, Todd has shown his principle to the voters

Yes, and they called the police to report a sex offender.

BloviateMe September 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

These fucking people. If you are so fucking against government, do what everybody else before you did. Get weird, grow a beard, and disappear into the goddamned mountains. Quit fucking with us normals.

bonghitforjesus September 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

He's so against government that he wants to be a government employee!?

BloviateMe September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

You know, by that logic, as against the womens as he is, it's only logical he wants to be one of them women-units too.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:12 am

That explains a lot. Probably a lot that we haven't yet heard and that would surprise and possibly relieve Mrs. Akin.

bureaucrap September 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Because if you stick your nose into things too far, you might end up actually helping some actual people, instead of their bosses. Wouldn't want that.

ChillBill September 28, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Todd's definitely "in it to win it," isn't he?

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Wants to be "in the money, we're in the money…"

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

It depends on what your definition of "it" is…

Not_So_Much September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

How, in the ever-loving holy fuck, are any of these races even close?

Jeebus aitch kreesto, the dems suck at just stepping on the opposition's neck.

CommieLibunatic September 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I honestly think it's because of this whole free-thinking thing the Left has going. While we all have our own sage opinions mumbled into a thousand microphones, the Right has just as many people screaming DEATH PANELS in unison. Like Will Rogers said, we're not members of an organized party.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

It's not even October. There's plenty of time.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:29 pm

38 days and counting.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:29 pm

You are under-valuing the effect of single-issue voting.

Pulling numbers completely out of my ass, I'd guess that 30% of Missou voters will go Akin purely because of abortion. The Dems cannot stomp on that neck (without fielding a forced-birth candidate of their own).

Still pulling it out, I'd say 5% to 10% will go Akin because there is a half-black man currently in the White House. No stomping on that neck.

So, according to my ass, Akin gets 35% to 40% of the vote no matter what the fucking Democrats do. If you, or my ass, figures there are 40% reliable Blue Doggie votes (based on pre-fooferah polls), that leaves 20 to 25% "undecided".

If Claire gets 52%, that will be stomping on the opposition's neck.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:15 am

Well, from Akin's whimpering, it sounds like he is fretting about juuuust how unladylike Claire is getting to be (neck-stomping levels of unladylike behaviors?). We could send her this comment thread for suggestions.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I think it’s about freedom.

The freedom to be a sexist assface? AMERICA!

The freedom to control one's own body? HITLER!

So, the government sticking its nose into all kinds of things has gotten us into huge trouble.

Actually, if we as a nation stuck our noses into things, we'd have fewer illegitimate rapes.

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Well, fewer women would get pregnant, anyway.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm

But more of them would be smiling …

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 3:50 pm

:)

Gratuitous World September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

i'm pretty kinky, but i'll take a nose over a transvaginal ultrasound any day of the week. especially friday.

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Mormon noses are too squeaky clean for my taste.

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Yeah, all that squeaking down there could be very distracting.

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And might attract predators…

gullywompr September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Ah, the old GOP "discrimination = freedom" argument… They sure love to stick to the classics, don't they?

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"I think it’s about freedom." — Todd Akin

"Freedumb" = Liberty for all, equality for some, maternity for them that's whut Gawd intended.

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 3:43 pm
actor212 September 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm

hehehehehehehe

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Sometimes God sends us snarkers a WIN.

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

For the record, my faps are never offensive. Or at least that's what my boyfriend tells me.

Blueb4sinrise September 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Saved As 'milfap'

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Oh, that Deles… always getting into some hot water.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Fuck. What? Noooo. Yes? YAY!!

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Has anyone asked Akins today if he would have voted for the Civil Rights Act yet? Because this is his opportunity for a foot in mouth hat trick.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

We can bet he considered the Plantation owners….job creators.

Beowoof September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Well they are still creating those style jobs, only now it is in China. Free trade is all the rage with these guys.

shelwood46 September 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Oh, he already came out against that before the "legitimate rape" thing ever hit. Big, big no. Also, too, he would like to end the direct election of Senators, because of course he would. Freedom!

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

So Senators should simply be appointed to their posts by the Koch brothers?

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well, it would save lots of time and money.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:17 am

Well, it would save the Koch bros a lot of money. I suspect it would cost us lots more.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:10 am

Didn't seem to hurt Rand Paul too much, though, did it? Hell, it might even get him more votes than he loses in Missourah.

cromiller September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

If the government legitimately sticks its nose into all kinds of things, free enterprise has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

Cicada September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

If it's legitimate pay discrimination, the female body has ways of shutting that down…

WE VOTE.

Eat it, Akin, you insufferable dick.

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Apropos of nought: ran across a Cox-era wonkett story, reminded me of your avatar~

Kidneys4Sale September 28, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Shorter Akin: "You're free to take it and like it, bitch."

Wilcoxyz September 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

If it's an illegitimate raise, then I believe there's a way the employer can shut that whole fairness thing down.

Joshua Norton September 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I'm not saying Akins is a sociopath, but it would explain a lot of the things he's said lately.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Look carefully at his pictures. You can see that smarmy self-satisfied smirk on his wife's mug as well. I could see either or both of them eating babies for fun.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:14 am

Well, I sure as hell am. This guy is a sociopath.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Well, if Todd Akin's advisors want him to be more like David Koresh, who am I to argue? If he wants to support crazed, megalomaniacal bigamistic pedophiles with delusions of godhead, then this election should be a referendum on that worldview.

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Burn baby, burn….with votes…in hell, Mr. Akin.

WhatTheHolyHeck September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Mr. Wookies, you use yer mouth purtier than a twenty dollar whore.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Aw, shucks.

mantis74 October 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

So, what I'd like to ask Mr. Akin is, "When David Koresh fucked eleven and twelve-year-old girls who (according to their testimony) didn't actively resist him because their brainwashed parents had handed them over to him and told them to obey him, was that legitimate rape?"

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I don't see why people are upset, it's clearly just an analogy, not a literal plan. It merely indicates how seriously she thought he should take the campaign.

And now I'm going to go look in the fridge for something to snack on, just like Jeffrey Dahmer stalked the streets of Milwaukee looking for potential cannibal-murder victims.

(I'm merely saying I'm hungry. Don't judge me!)

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I'm totally judging you!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Just be sure to stay out of reach, also. He's HUNGRY!

MissTaken September 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I know I feel all sorts of freedom when I get my paycheck that is at most 70% of my male colleagues. Freedom from being able to buy a home or car. Freedom from earning myself a financially secure retirement. Freedom from paying down credit card debt. Sweet, blessed Freedom.

OneYieldRegular September 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You're not free enough yet. Once Todd eliminates minimum wage, you will really start feeling the freedom.

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Feels like… nothing left to lose!

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Uh-oh: a person with nothing to lose is a person with nothing to fear.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Also, a person with nothing to lose probably doesn't have a cigerette I could bum off of them.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

It really shows up in retirement, with women being primarily dependent on Social Security/Medicare/Medicaid. So there really IS a Republican war on women, and I hope you're doing what you can to ensure the Democrats take control of the Senate and the House.

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 5:03 pm

No, no; wrong thinking. It's your boss who gets the freedom. We get to know our place.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Babe, Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose…

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

And don't forget that you're expected to spend twice the amount that a man does on clothes and grooming items if you want to "get ahead" and improve your lot in life.

Lascauxcaveman September 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm

"Bad Nancy Sinatra records."

Lunatic bitch is redundant. And a lunatic.

OneYieldRegular September 28, 2012 at 3:50 pm

What century did this guy fall out of without a parachute?

CommieLibunatic September 28, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"Freedom" sure sounds like a load of shit when he puts it that way.

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

DustBowlBlues September 29, 2012 at 9:55 pm

It's freedom or Jeebus. They got nothin' else.

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm

No one better tell Akin about Lassie being played by a male dog and all. The cognitive dissonance of who's doing "women's work" / canine misogynistics/ gender identity crisis, might asplode his brain.
Which, on the other hand, I would enjoy watching. Hm, let's think of some more… Who's got Akin's email address handy?

shelwood46 September 28, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I don't know. He may be happy to hear that a well-paying job went to a male, as it should, since that male has a family to support, unlike females.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:29 pm

He's on Twitter. @ToddAkin.

zumpie September 28, 2012 at 3:51 pm

As I look back on the 2012 election with smug fondness at our first steps to a permanent Dem majority (or 1,000 years of darkness, if you're Mrs. Chuck Norris), I will have but one sad: that Thurston didn't pick THIS dude to be his running mate, so they could both have their feet permanently in the mouths.

He just makes Eddie Munster seem so boring in comparison.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 4:00 pm

How soon we forget the Ryan-Akin Forcible Rape Act of '11.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

Eddie Munster has the same loathsome opinions as Todd Akin; he's just able to make Bambi eyes when he's expressing them.

fawkedifiknow September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And, we should be surprised by the inanity coming from members of the Stupids Party, like, why now?

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

if the government is so fucking awful why do they keep trying to be in it?

gullywompr September 28, 2012 at 4:02 pm

They have ways of shutting that whole thing down.

CommieLibunatic September 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Word. Say I went to a job interview. I tell them I hate the company and its corruption, compare the boss to Hitler, and explain how I want to actively destroy it from the inside. If security DIDN'T justifiably taze me, there'd be something very wrong with that company.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Sounds like a great Office premise. Run with that!!

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Microsoft Office™?

Naked_Bunny September 28, 2012 at 7:26 pm

For the same reason they want to outlaw anything that threatens our souls while they soak in wealth and power.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:50 am

To "shut the whole thing down", of course. The impending Downfall of America will be an inside job.

ManchuCandidate September 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Self immolation is the name of his game.

CalvinsChoice September 28, 2012 at 3:54 pm

And I thought I had it bad. Surrounded by people who actually voted for David Vitter. I'm glad I don't live in a state that takes Akin seriously.

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Between the two of you, per Colbert:

"Arkansas – Come for the meth, stay because you traded your car for meth!"

DustBowlBlues September 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

The populace down here in the Dust Bowl are in full sympathy with him, just from afar. They don't make 'em crazy enough to alienate these morons.

fartknocker September 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Rush Limbaugh and Todd Akin are from Missouri. I see a trend here. I wonder how many other backwater goatfucks who want to be a politician or bloviate on a rad-did-eo show are from the Land of The Ozarks.

whatever_dc September 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

wasn't john asscrack…er…ashcroft (who was beaten for the senate by a DEAD MAN!) from missouri?

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Limbaugh's from the Bootheel, old plantation country that never gave up on the concept of chattel slavery. Where's the Toddster from?

Whoa, just looked it up: a pocket borough in suburban St Louis. What's going on there in MO?

PubOption September 28, 2012 at 5:10 pm

There is some question as to where he actually lives, but it is in the St Louis area. http://townandcountry-manchester.patch.com/articl

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Should you need to know about Missouri, by no means go there to satisfy your want of knowledge. The thing to do is to have some brave soul, who will venture into hell for you, simply send or bring you the bar-b-que. You will then know all you need to know about the state, without the unpleasant experience of actually waking up and finding you are in…well…Missouri.

Misty Malarky September 28, 2012 at 5:30 pm

My mom lived in Missouri for a couple of years. She always pronounced it as 'Misery'.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

You just can't completely give up on a state that contains Lake Pomme de Terre.

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Why is Akin taking advice from a woman anyway? Doesn't he know that most real men would regard this as a sure sign of pussywhippedness?

SmutBoffin September 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Stay strong, Ake! Don't listen to the haterz.

Peckerwood_Pete September 28, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Waco jokes? Already?

IT'S TOO SOON!

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Good god. What is it going to to take for the good people of old Mizzou to reject this guy? Does he need to wish out loud for a return to Jim Crow? To slavery? How deep into the 19th century does a Republican need to go before a southern state will give up on him?

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Sadly, that would probably just get him more votes.

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

They claim it's a "border state." Plainly on the border between bestiality and fundamentalism.

[As native son S. Clemens would say, "but I repeat myself."]

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 4:01 pm

What else can I get away with if I say I did it for "Freedom"?

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Recent history suggests that the sky's the limit.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Free Parking?

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 4:02 pm

And that pesky clitoris, let's get rid of that too.
Vagina's on Fire!!1!

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Nope. Keepin' mine.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Um … I don't think settin' 'em on fire is the best way to get any, Radio.

Unless, of course, you're a fighter pilot.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Pierre?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Oui?

Guppy September 28, 2012 at 4:03 pm

If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work.

And if, instead of agreeing to the salary offer, they opt to bargain collectively, we should totally send in the Army.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

No no, the new technique is the lockout. Very effective so long as it doesn't impinge on something important like football.

Pithaughn September 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

if follow up questions were allowed , then : What other forms of blatant discrimination do you support sir? Should a public entity that gets taxpayer dollars be allowed to discriminate based only on gender?

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Republicans aren't big on responding to follow-up questions. Isn't it enough that they deigned to answer your first question?

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

As long as the first answer can include a reference to clouds.

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Does anyone in the Republican party have an Internet connection, because these people have some serious catching up on the times to do.

Sacanagem September 28, 2012 at 4:10 pm

As a followup question, Mr. Akin: are you aware that people other than white landowners are allowed to vote in this election?

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

white male landowners (I'm sure you meant this, just clarifyin')…

Sacanagem September 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

WHOOPS, my bad! Yes indeedy.

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I prefer "Vagin-American", thank you.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I tried to go Vagin once. It leaves you quite tired.

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I winced at the Waco picture, fearing that our Editrix might have poked at a wound that is still too fresh. It turns out at least one GOP political operative will hold David Koresh up as a model of courage. And brag about it. Who ARE these people? Have we checked for pods?

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 5:43 pm

We checked for witches in the last election, but she denied it.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Okay, you 've shown us, Missouri – you can close the gates now….

Pithaughn September 28, 2012 at 4:13 pm

" … however it wants to work" What do we suppose the definition of it is in this context?
Considering the source "it" is a female who foolishly wants to put on some shoes and lipstick and get a job outside the home , where she belongs.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

before it puts the lotion on….

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 4:13 pm

When you think about it, why should government pass any laws? If I decide to kill my neighbor because he is a Commie Pinko, Black or I want his bigger house, why should we waste the money of producers on courts and judges and all that stuff. No, we should allow the market to decide if my murdering of a fellow human being is legitimate or not. If the market is against me,then I will suffer. If not, i will be at the final stage of going Galt. All I have to lose is my economic standing, and as we have seen, that is an incredible incentive that prevents anyone on Wall Street from doing anything wrong.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Your neighbor must be a real dick.

rickmaci September 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Shep Smith apologizes that his producer was not able to cut the live feed before this guy committed political suicide.

mrblifil September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I have a thing I would like to stick into his nose. It's an autographed life cast dildo of Barack Obama's manhood, in case you needed me to fill in the blank.

EDITED: Actually I would like to stuff a bunch of votes all up in there, which is less overtly nose-rapey.

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

This will just make Todd Akin's female fans even happier.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/govt-and-polit

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Don't do that, Annie. Because then you force me to import this quote:

"As women we have a message, in this 'war on women' that has been declared," said Heather Kesselring, of St. Louis, one of the speakers at the event, as Akin sat watching from the audience.

Turning the phrase that Democrats have used against Akin and other anti-abortion Republicans, she said the real war on women "is pornography, it is sex trafficking, it is abortion."

"It is time for us to say Todd Akin understands these issues and he is ready to go fight for women," Kesselring said.

She implored the audience to do "what women do best, and that is talk to other women. We want to share the heart and the truth about Todd Akin."

Is talking to other women what women do best? Really?

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

No, duh, making sammiches is what women do best.

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

in that Stepforn-Wives, Mercedes-driving, "Dammit-the-cook-bought-Ikura-even-though-I-told-her-Beluga" style of conversation, yes.

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Speakers included conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, who said Democratic claims of a Republican "war on women" is "the silliest thing anyone ever thought up." She defended Akin as someone she's known "his whole life," and lashed out at both political parties.

Jesus. Who let this insufferable, homophobic, dried-up twat out of the kitchen? I AM STILL WAITING ON MY DAMN SAMMICH, PHYLLIS.

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Gah, I can't even imagine what kind of horrid, dust-filled, Miracle Whip creation that old bat would put together if set loose in a kitchen.

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:25 am

I'm pretty sure it would involve green jello, black olives, pineapple bits, slivered almonds, and a MW covered iceberg lettuce leaf on which to perch. Class!

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Why the fuck is Phyllis Schlafly still alive? Is there painting of a baby somewhere?

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Phylllis Schlafly???? Did they get her out of mothballs?….

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:27 am

I thought they kept her in a temperature and humidity controlled chamber like Otzi the Iceman.

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

From the article Another speaker described herself as "an abortion survivor," whose mother resisted relatives' urging that she abort her pregnancy.

Really? That makes you a survivor?

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Yes, she survived… a debate, I guess?

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm

No, the fetus survived, crawled out of the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood office, grew to maturity, and ran for Senate from Missouri.

God, I'm sorry. That's terrible. Someone had to say it though.

MissTaken September 28, 2012 at 4:37 pm

My mom was preggers with me and had left Crocker Bank 5 minutes before Patty Hearst and the SLA stormed in. So by this lunatic logic I am 'a bank robbery survivor'.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Sorry, but Oh, for fuck's sake.

Medium-sized anecdote follows.
Dramatis personae:
J, my ex-wife
C, her ex-hubby, before me
R, their girl-child

When J was pregnant (accidentally, I'm told) with R, C went to some lengths to try to persuade J to have an abortion. Didn't happen, and R resulted, certainly to my delight as her moderate-duration stepfather.

J and C had the opposite of an amicable divorce, and, as you might expect, much of the contention involved custody of R, and also competition for her affection. Somehow, J managed to never mention C's advocacy of abortion to R, because THAT WOULD BE A REALLY SHITTY THING TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER.

While I acknowledge that "relatives" might not be as obnoxious in this case as "father", this "survivor's" mother was a dick.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Later on in that fine piece of journamalism, we read that Todd Akin recited a poem. What kind of journasaur doesn't get the name of the goddam poem? Probably someone who majored in "Mass Communications" instead of English.

Well since the writer failed, we'll just have to assume it was William Blake's "The Sick Rose," which goes something like this:

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible Worm, that flies in the night
In the howling storm

Has found out thy bed of crimson joy
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Yum, yum…

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:38 am

"The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the deeps of my heart."

Could Yeats write 'em, or what?

Lot_49 September 29, 2012 at 1:18 am

What rough beast, slouching towards Washington…

Charlie_Foxtrot September 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

There once was a girl from Nantuckett…

BartStarrland September 28, 2012 at 5:03 pm

As my STL-area daughter says, "Friends don't let friends live in Chesterfield"

Dudleydidwrong September 30, 2012 at 11:27 am

I'm late to the party–been busy–but the article quotes one "Heather Kesselring" as being a front line shill for Akin and his great love for the wimmen folk. I wonder if Heather is any relationship to General Fieldmarshall Albert Kesselring of the Luftwaffe way back in WW II? She and Akin make Godwin's Law really easy pickings.

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

So, if someone wants to pay you, say, six cents a day, that's about FREEDOM? Oh, OK, see I thought it was about greed…prick!

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

No, no, you're the greedy one if you want more, which would keep that generous job creator from hiring more people for 6 cents a day. Jobs!

iTuna September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I live in Waco.

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Lot_49 September 28, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Very good.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:06 pm

But do you live four blocks away?

iTuna September 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Touchè.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 1:55 am

Nice.

notreelyhelping September 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

It's apparently coming out–so to speak–that he got busted and carted off to jail at an anti-abortion protest 25 years ago. Really, the guy is the gift who keeps on giving.

Abernathy September 28, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Just think of how different things could have been if Janet Reno wasn't so uppity and just brought Koresh a sandwich instead of a hail of tear gas. And didn't expect no equal pay, neither. That would make a fine rightwing alternative history novel right there.

iburl September 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

…or Janet could have arrested him on one of his daily jogs instead of the made-for-tv-debacle she created. There were actually media people on the compound before the (non-undercover) police.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I always like Janet Reno's Dance Party.

DahBoner September 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Teh Gum'mint haz oral sects???

LagunaB September 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm

So I guess all we need now is for someone to come forward with hard evidence implicating the Republicans with the deaths of Jack and Bobbie Kennedy. Then this election cycle will be complete.

whatever_dc September 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm

that won't happen: LBJ did it and he was NOT a republican (although he played one on teevee)

LagunaB September 28, 2012 at 7:09 pm

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, must be the truth."
LBJ? Nah. Who stood to gain from both deaths?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Hubert Humphrey? Get out.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:41 am

"I shouted out, 'Who killed the Kennedys?', when after all, it was [...] me."

"Sympathy for the Devil", as quoted by Mit Romney

Corrugated Palin September 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Memo to the right wing: the fact that the government's handling of Waco is considered a fuckup on a scale previously reserved for bathhouse orgies does not automatically make Koresh the good guy. To put it in terms you'd understand, imagine if PETA got into a slapfight with Hollywood filmmakers. You're allowed to hate both sides.

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Who doesn't like a bad Nancy Sinatra record?

iburl September 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm

This could have turned out much differently if they had been able to use Gangnam Style instead.

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I want to apologize for interrupting, but there's not a forum for the Wonkeratti, and only one person in the chatroom when I go in there. So my apologies to everyone for jumping off subject.

OH SWEET JESUS LOOK WHAT I FOUND SPY MAGAZINE FROM THE 80'S

This may tide me over for the weekend, while waiting for Doktor Zoom's Sunday School Lesson.

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

There's a chat room?

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Chet Kincaid_ September 28, 2012 at 5:40 pm

That chatroom is not worth wasting your time. And haven't you been around long enough to know you just slap an OT: at the beginning of your comment and keep on trucking? Nobody cares. And last thread of the day/week is always an open thread, for all intents.

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Thanks for the protocol. Will do!

Chet Kincaid_ September 28, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Stay out of my basement, and take your scanner with you!!

iTuna September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I started that chatroom in 08 so we could discuss the Obama-McCain debates without crashing Wonkette. (Wonkette crashed anyway.) It was cool for a while, but I eventually got annoyed by the tenor of some of the members that hung out there. It was only ever like 15 people, but it still got aggravating after a while. Friended those people on Facebook, too, which was cool until some of them attacked my friends and family with some seriously hateful and seriously petty arguments, stuff that didn't even have anything to do with politics. Don't waste your time going to the chatroom, people. Those folks are fuckers.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:44 am

Is this the issue where they called Donald Trump a "short-fingered vulgarian"?

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Government sticking “its nose” into “things.” Yeah , that's a problem, but I kinda don't like the Republican-led governments sticking "things" into "other places" — especially of the lady variety.

SpiderCrab September 28, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The most amazing thing about Ms. Kellyanne Conway is that people pay her for her advice. Don't you love America?!

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Too bad she doesn't get paid as much as her male counterparts.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Don't tell her. She might turn upitty.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

I heard she charged Todd Akin $800,000. for that butt-ugly carpet.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

If he does get get re-elected I will open my home to any refugees from Missouri who are able to fly the cuckoo's nest.

johnnyzhivago September 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Ladyfolk ought to be restricted to ladylike work, you know like flower pressing or powdering their noses. This IS the 19th Century, folks!

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Or attending Todd Akin rallies in white….

johnnyzhivago September 28, 2012 at 4:59 pm

What do you expect when most of the residents of Missouri mispronounce the name of their state.

calliecallie September 28, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I've said it before but it bears repeating…I hope they just keep talking like this right up until election day.

decentcitizen September 28, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Freedom as the opposite of fairness. I think I now understand the GOP platform better.

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 5:36 pm

"If someone what’s to hire somebody and they agree on a salary, that’s fine, however it wants to work."

Apparently Todd Akin learned sentence construction at the same school Jan Brewer and Michele Bachmann attended.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 28, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I need a new wall. The one I've got is full of large dents from me banging my head against it.

Amanwithnoplan September 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm

The right wing vajayjay has a way of keeping that guvamint nose out of its legitimate bidness.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Hey, I triple p'd – I'll be damned….do I have to give the avatar back to the Olmecs?….

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Felicitations! To answer your question, you may choose between the Olmecs and the New Mex.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Keep it, obviously it's working.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:49 am

[looking at a giant stone head Mr. Burns has had delivered to the Simpson house]
Homer: Marge, what does it do?
Marge: It doesn't do anything.
Homer: Marge, really, what does it do?
Marge: Whatever it does, it's doing it right now.

BlueStateLibel September 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Well, the guys I've worked with like to stand around and shoot the crap about grown men who play with balls, while all the women were hard at work, so I see nothing wrong with getting paid less than them. Where would the industry of grown men playing with balls be without them?

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 7:01 pm

this is beehive state transition….

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you, Akin.

As a Fallopian-American, with a master's degree and a full-time union position in a well-regarded public university, my gross salary is less than thirty thousand a year.

Oh, I forgot to mention, my unit is all the "pink-collar" positions on campus. We little ol' gals don't need more than pin money because a) what we do is, you know, not like real work because, how could we? we are just women, and b) we must have a big ol' strong MAN around the house** that makes the real wages of the "household" and c) everyone knows that women folk just "work" because they *think* they're bored (think! heh!).

I make less than a starting level custodian with a HS diploma or GED and 6 months work experience (different union).

Because after all, many of the custodians are MEN*** and they have actual financial burdens, you know, what with having to support a family, something that a woman could not ever comprehend. Also, too, they are doing manly work, so by definition, it is important, and mine must not be.

And thank god for the union or we would be in bad shape!

No raises for three years, either.

Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou, Akin.

**Unless we are lesbians.
***Don't get me wrong, I like men!

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Um, I don't actually have any snark.

Sorry. Really.

ChessieNefercat September 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Why are all the "f" or "F" letters in the comments highlighted yellow?

Edit: Never mind, now they're not.
I'm obviously losing my mind. Or maybe I should have a drink. Yes, I think I'll try that.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Works for me.

PurgedVoter September 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Todd, go ahead and write the book on your childhood, I'm just guessing, but I think it has the makings of a best seller.

tessiee September 29, 2012 at 12:51 am

"Carrie" is already a book.

Naked_Bunny September 28, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Any advice to Republican politicians that leads them to burning themselves alive before they hurt anyone else is fine by me.

Chow Yun Flat September 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

The most disturbing thing about Todd Akin is not that he got the GOP nomination for Senate but that he has been a member of the House of Reps for ten fucking years. I realize the House isn't exactly Plato's Symposium but how could a majority of voters anywhere vote for this guy?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

The majority of voters in his District are dicks?

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"the bad Nancy Sinatra records"

I'm not familiar with Kellyanne Conway's lifetime accomplishments, but I feel safe in saying that none of them include anything as good as "These Boots are Made for Walkin'".

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

That's a damn good reality check, there.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

"because freedom"

Todd Akin controlling the lives of women = freedom
Women actually having freedom = Satan

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 12:31 am

Stop it, Republicans, just stop it already, okay?

PurgedVoter September 29, 2012 at 2:04 am

Seriously it is getting hard to tell the people who are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and the perpetrators of it.

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"HOW IS MISSOURI SENATE CANDIDATE TODD AKIN SETTING HIS COMPOUND ON FIRE TODAY?" Certainly not with a match; Todd hasn't had a match since Tom DeLay died. What? He's still alive? Shit!

valthemus September 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm

My theory: Republicans are so totally sure that the Santa Kochs will give them the White House and Congress for Christmas they've stopped going through the strenuous effort of pretending to not be crazy. It's like when the psycho serial killer doesn't wear a suit to court because he knows where things are going and he might as well be comfortable while everybody tells him how scummy he is.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Just a dog whistle to white patriotism.

Akin is going to drive a rented Ryder van with fertilizer & gasoline payload to Mc Caskill HQ — WITH VOTES!!!!!

James Michael Curley October 1, 2012 at 6:10 am

You know Ms. Conway is nuts because she implies there were good Nancy Sinatra records.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Why, you know some Extra Virgins?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

That was SO clever. C'mere you! (Hugs the Yellerdawg)

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

You need to download the upgrade to SUPEREGO.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I believe that is a recipe for a roué.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Jeebus' Mom?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I got 72 virgins, but you ain't one?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Trust me on this. Virgins are totally a waste of time. You want someone who knows how to appreciate a little of the old slap 'n tickle. Virgins just lie there waiting for you to Magically Make Them Feel Special. Lotsa work for not a lot of fun.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

You better watch yo'self there, bwah. No "Yo'Mama" jokes for Jeebus.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I ain't? Who told you?

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

You mean all these years I've been doing it wrong?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

You've been doing *virgins*? Girl!

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Forever Hymen.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

No, silly, I've been just lying there waiting to be Made to Feel Special.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm

No. I should, shouldn't I? Prefer the tried and true method of bitching and moaning till everyone's sick of hearing about it.

Awright, awright, I'm writing her.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 6:56 pm

:)

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Z, Z, Z. You think I don't take notes?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Hey, with enough reps, I could pronounce your name. On the other hand, I'm not a media personality, so suck.

Aside: My front name is still Bob. Really, nobody can fuck that up. I've been Mr. Bob and Bob-san, and equivalent, in several languages.

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Yes please. I need all the upfisties I can get.

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Good idea,z. Did you get the bugs out of your house? How are you feeling?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Yes, though I had to have some rather stern words with certain people in order to get it all done. The dead bugs died at appropriate times in appropriate places with their little bug legs all curled up and I vacuumed them up and wiped up all their frass and other buggy bits. We are now officially bug free.

My back's still fucked, though, and my partner's out of town for a couple of weeks, so life will get kind of exciting. Will I make it down the stairs two or three times a day for nutriment? Or will I starve to death in the House Upon The Hill?

If I get real snappy and grouchy like, it'll be anaconda I'm probably hungry. But I have high hopes.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I understand why a horse, why a this, why a that… I no understand why a duck.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Ah, Chico, I was hoping to hear from you ….

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"I had to have some rather stern words with certain people in order to get it all done"

Can't remember where I read this, but some woman was having trouble with teenagers in her suburban neighborhood hanging out in her garage while she was at work, smoking cigarettes, etc.

So she called the neighborhood watch — except somebody else on her street called the exterminator for bugs, and he went to the wrong house.
Exterminator: OK, Ma'am, I can see you've got a problem. Don't worry, I'll get rid of them.
Lady: Get rid of them? What do you mean?
Ext: I mean I'll kill them with poison gas.
Lady [clutching pearls]: Oh, NO! Can't you just give them a stern talking to? Or call their parents?

starfanglednut September 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Haha, just do what I do: sit in bed surrounded by books and Bon Bons, and in your case kitties.

tessiee September 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

You're wrong, the whole three a'yiz.
He was in the Aristocrats.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I have to be able to climb down the stairs to get bonbons. :)

It's OK. The fridge is well stocked with fresh food and the freezer with home-made stews and soups. The trick is not re-injuring the back. And I have lots of reading to do, so I'll be too busy to worry about not getting bonbons. :)

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Oh, gawd. I think I would plotz if I was her.

The bug dood, OTOH, must've thought: jesus wouldja look at that hippie chick, she's nutz!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm

There's three of iz? Ya learn sump'n ev' day.

Geminisunmars September 29, 2012 at 1:01 pm

What, you don't want to help out our overlords?

ChessieNefercat September 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I would imagine it's all popping off the plants right out there in the field.

Geminisunmars September 29, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So all we need now is a popcorn harvester. Running on solar energy.

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