Sha-ZAMM! (This pic reminds us of some other image, but we honestly cannot remember what it is...)We’d really hate to jinx anything, so we are typing this with our fingers crossed: America’s Craziest Legislator Michele Bachmann (R-Circular Ruins), despite the advantages of a fanatical national following and a very conservative district, just might not be a shoo-in for reelection this fall. (Also, OW! OW! OW! Do not try to type that way.)

While she still leads her opponent, hotelier Jim Graves, in most polls, that lead appears to be narrowing, and substantial percentages of Minnesota voters rate her performance in office as “poor.” Bachmann’s own campaign materials are portraying her as the target of “the national Democrat attack machine and liberal ‘Super PACS,'” and WingNut Daily publisher Joseph Farah has issued an “Urgent plea for support of Michele Bachmann,” explaining that

She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

And she stays crunchy, even in milk! Farah, who normally can’t stand class warfare, warns that Bachmann’s opponent is a “fat-cat multimillionaire who will spend whatever it takes to defeat Bachmann in his effort to return Pelosi to the position of speaker of the House,” and closes by exhorting readers beaten down by the Obama economy that if they can’t donate cash, they should at least “pray earnestly for her victory.”

Still, at least Bachmann shares with her constituency a wild-eyed fear of the Islams, right? That’s got to be working out pretty well for her, what with the scary Islams actually rioting and so on? Apparently not entirely! A pro-Bachmann PAC ran an ad accusing Jim Graves of being too darn naive about the scary infiltration of Islam into our drinking water, and while it’s unclear how much it might have helped Bachmann, it definitely helped Graves: when the ad was featured on Daily Kos, it raised nearly $8000 for Graves:

The other fun Bachmann news this week is the revelation that, during the GOP primaries, Bachmann was so consistently divorced from reality that the Associated Press simply threw up its hands and decided it couldn’t possibly fact-check everything she said. At a recent National Press Club panel, Jim Drinkard (really! That is his name! We like him already!), the editor who supervises fact-checking for the AP, acknowledged that Bachmann’s bullshit often piled up to insurmountable levels:

“We had to have a self-imposed Michele Bachmann quota in some of those debates.”

After the session, Drinkard said that there wasn’t an actual numerical quota on Bachmann at the AP. It’s just that if the AP had gone back and vetted all her claims that looked dicey, the result would “overload” the debate story. “Often she was just more prone to statements that just didn’t add up,” said Drinkard.

Even so, it’s not like Bachmann’s tenuous connections to what most people call “reality” has hurt her in the past. After she called for investigations of the “anti-American” views of members of Congress (and then denied saying what she was clearly said, on tape), Bachman handily won her 2010 race against sixth-level druid Elwyn Tinklenberg, despite polls suggesting Tinklenberg and Bachman were tied, and the loss of GOP advertising funding.

Mere looniness has never held her back in the past, so while we’re happy to send a few Ameros to Jim Graves’ campaign (That is a linky to donate, right there!), we are also perfectly willing to believe that ol’ Crazy Eyes is like a B-movie monster who can continue to pop up again and again to threaten a terrified populace, no matter how many salvos of facts and rationality get lobbed at her.

[ABC News / City Pages /WaPo ]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Barbara_

    Ding, dong the witch is dead.
    (No crazy-eyed politicians were actually harmed by this song, nor do I wish to suggest such.)

    • She1ey needs water. Lots of melty, melty water.

    • WhatTheHeck

      she and the other crazy b.., er, Sarah person, brought untold joy to my life.
      Now, who will bring me laughter in the morning? Huh?

    • Boojum

      Did I miss a rule change?

    • Ding dong with votes!

    • bobbert

      (Why Not?)

  • But… Who will advocate for the vaccinatedly re.tarded?

  • anniegetyerfun

    That's an awesome commercial.

    Graves: Bachmann's were outrageous.
    Commercial voiceover: NO, WHAT GRAVES SAYS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
    Graves: Michele Bachmann is out of touch.

    • SnarkOff

      I know you are, but what am I?

      • Naked_Bunny

        Now I want a Michele Bachmann/Paul Reubens presidential ticket.

  • SmutBoffin


    • Well SmutBoffin that puts you one up on Marcus.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Still, the crazy old bat is somehow kinda sexy. At least in these little photos Wonkette runs with posts on her.

      In real life, up close, I'm sure she looks much more like an older woman desperately trying to look younger. Which is always more sad than sexy.

      • Barrelhse

        Shitty legs.

      • One who stays weight-proportionate or better, as She1ey has… and knows how to "wear a dress well" (nevermind her weird debate-choice in admiral garb — I'm more thinking of the yellow sundress at the state fair, etc.) — can pull off the effect just like you said, which for [un]reality teevee viewing is about all that's needed. For skin-deep purposes, anyway.

        • That voice though — while she can be stylish when she's not channeling Sun-Ra, that voice kills any notion of sexiness. And you just know it never stops.

          • You know what was weird about the debate tonight? That Rep. Tammy Baldwin — I was waiting for someone else to mention it — but she's kind of got a bedroom voice! Still has to work on her delivery though.

    • Callyson

      I can't bear to look…tell me, is her tongue forked?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      …..and that's the last anyone ever heard from many a human.

    • I thought you reptiles used that to signal sexual interest.

      Oh, wait. I think I get your problem.

    • Gleem McShineys

      I don't think it's her tongue. I think it's someone else's, and she is not quite finished chewing it up yet.

    • fitley

      Yes but only Bush felt that tongue, half way down his throat. Excuse me while I

  • Sue4466

    That she keeps getting elected suggests the folks in her district might all be good looking, the most certainly are all well below average.

    • Barrelhse

      Time forgot them.

    • zerosumgame0005

      St Cloud is not home of the intellectual elite in any way shape or form…

  • DrunkIrishman

    She is extremely smart, articulate…

    In what universe? Seriously … you must be dumber than a rotting dead gold fish if you really believe Michele Bachmann is both smart and articulate. Terri Schiavo grunted more articulate things than Bachmann has said over the years.

    • Geminisunmars

      To be fair, he meant she uses her tongue and lips well.

      • sharethegrief

        But not on Marcus.

    • You remember what Paul Krugman said about Newt Gingrich? Same about Mishmash. In SPADES.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      She's smarticulate.

    • Have we checked with Trig Palin?

  • BZ1

    Unfortunately, Jim Graves is sane.

    • anniegetyerfun

      He really doesn't stand a chance, does he?

      • Can we send him some of the infamous brown acid?

        • AlterNewt

          I don't have any facts to back this up, but I'm pretty sure that the infamous brown acid is all gone.

          • You think? Heck it's only been 43 years. Do any Wonketteers work at the Smithsonian, or similar institutions, where such cherished bits of Americana would be preserved?

          • Hey, I once found some acid in my freezer that had traveled from California to Nepal to Singapore and back to California again. It HAD to be at least ten years old.

            It was a blast, too.

          • Biff

            That's quite a long way to schlepp a freezer!

            I kinda miss acid…

          • Very funny, Biffster. (Hugs the Biffz)

            How you doin, man? I miss acid too. Good stuff.

          • Biff

            Hi, internet spouse of indeterminate gender/preference!Been busy, working on both getting the hell out of the desert and making it more tolerable, in case I can't leave. Spent 5 days in eastern CA last week, going for another 4 or 5 this week, I'll get back there permanently someday.You OK too?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Wouldn't you prefer the stuff made in that decommissioned nuclear silo?

          • GodDAMMIT, I am ALWAYS fucking late to the fucking party, ALWAYS.

            I don't suppose you know where a person might … no? No, I guess not.

    • Negropolis


      Forget it Jack; it's Anokatown.

  • Gorillionaire

    She has never lost an election, right on back to her school board days. Anyhoo I did just get paid so I will probably send a few bucks to her opponent, just for kicks!

    • Geminisunmars

      And I just got laid, so I will probably too.

      • You tell me NOTHING, NOTHING.

    • First time for everything.

  • The sad part is that Minnesota Palin will still win. By at least 5 points. That is how far gone her district is.

    Time to make districts and states secede from the Union. Compulsory secession.

    • bobbert

      The thing is, it's kinda like Minnesota has manged to localize the infection. And unless she is the casting vote for a majority, who cares? She doesn't do shit in Congress anyhow.

      • aboutheagora

        Mayo Clinic! Those smart bastards!

  • SnarkOff

    Poor Marcus already had his dress picked out for the inaugural ball.

  • memzilla

    …"if the AP had gone back and vetted all her claims that looked dicey, the result would 'overload' the debate story."

    Not to mention the cost of replacing the desks at AP offices, made unusable from the deep indentations caused by multiple headdesks.

  • Wilcoxyz

    If Michele Bachmann isn't in Congress, she may take on more foster children. Vote for her. Save the children.

    • Are you sure they wouldn't be happier as homeless vagrant orphans?

  • We'll always have Virginia Foxx. (which reminds me, what happened to Shelley "dracula cunt" Sekula Gibbs?)

    • bobbert

      We will? Now that's a fucking buzzkill.

  • randomsausage

    Sorry Wonketteers but I'd hit it.

    • northernbassist

      bringing new meaning to the whole 'making laws is like making sausage' meme….

    • cousinitt

      Wonkers, dude obviously is suffering from a substance abuse problem. He needs our help. Bachmann is not, repeat not, made of latex. I've seen what meth does to people and you need to get right or you will most certainly go to hell for hitting that.

    • ShreditorsDesk

      She does have that thang goin' on yup.

    • OzoneTom

      Everyone should have teh crazy-sex at least once.

      • redarmyzombie

        Crazy sex is good, just not when it's of the batshit variety…

      • Just make sure it's with a crazy who doesn't know where you live.

    • Radiotherapy

      And now for this month's installment of the Wonkette Fucking Crazy: Yeah or Nay?

      • bobbert

        ( ) Yea
        ( ) Nay
        (X) Give me a fucking break

      • AlterNewt

        IF- and only if – afterwards there is no:

        1. Cuddling
        2. Baby talk
        3. Any other kind of talking

    • Negropolis

      I'd hit it…with a 10-point Rasmussen poll.

    • kittensdontlie

      I would proceed with caution. Look what happened to Marcus, after he hit that.
      It changes a man.

    • Yeah, so would I

    • Biff

      Just last night, I was musing to myself that while I will gladly accept mercy fucks, I'm not so eager to give them up. Kinda one-way of me, I know…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Would not, could not. The rank stupidity is a stone cold bonerkiller. It's qualitatively different from the daft charm of, say, a Jessica Simpson, which I could easily overlook for quite some time.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Loath though I am to say it – but that's the best pic of Shellie that I've seen. I'd tap that (god help me….)

  • AlterNewt

    There's something more than mere craziness in those eyes. Something dark and as old as the world itself.

    But mostly it's craziness.

    • Barrelhse


      • AlterNewt

        Ancient mascara, maybe?

        • bobbert



          • AlterNewt


    • kittensdontlie

      Her eyes being truly the windows to her cold, dark soul, as the olde English proverb suggests.

    • Negropolis

      That "something dark and as old as the world itself" is sheer and utter cosmic chaos. It becomes here.

    • Whatever

      Hide! Hide now! In the Cabin in the Woods

  • memzilla

    Does this mean that if Michele Bachmann [R-Crazy Eyes] loses, that Minnesotans will have to wing their own nuts!?

    • GemlikeFlame

      I suspect Marcus would be happy to volunteer as long as no lady parts are involved.

      Seriously, the best way to deal with someone like Michele is to ask her, early and often and preferably in front of a microphone, to expose her views and the reasons behind them. If you feign interest and sympathy, pretty soon the real motivations emerge. The kind of crazy Michele is doesn't spontaneously emerge in adulthood, it generally starts in early childhood and if she married someone like her father that's about 80% of the explanation right there.

      Psychotics like Michele aren't born, they're made.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Such a hard choice: donate to Graves, he wins, Michelle is gone….What??????!!!!!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    "She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled…"

    Can someone please get Joe Farah a new dictionary please? His appears to be broken.

    • Nostrildamus

      Just wait till when the Muslin is reelected.

      • glasspusher

        Wait until the U N occupies Lubbock? They'll be giving out free dictionaries to the people.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Hey, we got a tip asking if we were going to livebloog the Tommy Thompson/Tammy Baldwin senate debate tonight…If we can find the damn thing on the interwebs, would anyone find those two people interesting enough that we should do it? And by "we" I mean "me" because Rebecca left me with the keys to the car and $10 for "snacks" (with votes!)

    • SnarkOff

      Will you refer to them as Tommy-n-Tammy? If so sure.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        You have to do it L.A. style. They're to be referred to as Tom-Tam.

    • Doktor Zoom

      OK, so it is on CSPAN at 9 Eastern. If there is an overwhelming cry of, "Yes, blog to us on a Friday night about people you know virtually nothing about!" we may do it. But we'll have to buy beer first.

      • Speaking of buying beer, how's Vlad these days? Mayhaps we can have another unofficial Seattle do.

        • Yeah, another unofficial Seattle do!

          Hell, we could even do an official one, but I'm not sure Rebecca could hang.

        • Doktor Zoom

          I could go for that. I will just fly if it happens, because I have learned my lesson about attempting to take Vlad out of town.

        • City arts festival is Oct. 17-20. I'll be over if you guys can set one up.

      • Doktor Zoom

        There's also Bob Kerrey and Deb Fischer in Nebraska at 8 Eastern, so it could be double-header of excitement! Or crushing Midwest boredom! Or I could just watch Breaking Bad on Netflix.

        Guidance, people, I need to know!

        • Radiotherapy

          Dok, for you I'll cancel my overnighter to Benghazi.

        • redarmyzombie


        • tracyhasfun

          I can't add anything helpful. I am going to a greek festival and then to see Looper. HOWEVER I will definitely check back as I am anxious to see how you parse mushmouth T-Thomp's verbiage. His speaking makes me nauseous.

          • Rotundo_

            The guy who conjugates the verb "Think" as Tink, Tank, Tunk. You can take the guy out of Elroy, but damned if you can take the Elroy out of him. He wouldn't be as consistently awful as Johnson, but only because Tommy is consistently unconsistent. It is no small comfort that Tammy Baldwin is leading by 9 points. If there is anyone with a clue that hasn't decided yet (yeah, right) hopefully watching the verbal trainwreck that is Tommy Thompson's oratory should bump that up a bit.

          • bobbert

            Weirdly, Tommy could pass in some lighting as a "moderate Republican", if we didn't know that the subspecies went extinct 30 years ago.

            Ha, JK. He's a fucking dickhead.

        • Is their going to be a Joe Walsh/Tammy Duckworth debate? I'd break any dinner date to see that.

          Here in AZ, Jon Kyl's hand-picked successor Jeff Flake (also endorsed by John McCain and Jan Brewer) has refused to debate Democrat Richard Carmona. They're now running neck-in-neck and Flake's strategy is not to let anyone hear what a flakey tea bag he is. Meanwhile Carmona has gained the endorsement of the Fraternal Order of Police, among others. Here's a great Carmona ad sponsored in part by VoteVets:

      • Callyson

        Count me in!

        (rushing off to get some beer…)

      • Biff

        I get a reprieve, actually got shit to do, so have fun without me!

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      I suggest you do just so we don't have to see this lunatic woman's face on top of this site for the whole weekend. Better yet, just post a cocktail recipe or something.

    • Geminisunmars

      I'm afraid $10 for snacks ain't gonna do it for me.

      • How much is Mad Dog 20/20 these days?

    • AlterNewt

      If it will make it easier for you, we'll mute it and just go with whatever you tell us they're saying.

    • viennawoods13

      I'd probably say yes, but I am spending the night with my sweet 87 yr old mother and will have NO internet access!! Teh horror! Teh horror!

    • i might check in. we are preparing for our blow out garage sale tomorrow and i'm just moving crap from around.

      anyone need a sixteen stone CD, a princess of power seaharp or a bleeding pie from an 1996 production of 'titus andronicus'?

      • emmelemm

        " a bleeding pie "

        Boy howdy, does that ever sound wrong. (I had a bleeding pie but it stopped mid-week.)

      • bobbert

        What, a 224 pound CD? How big does the goddamn player have to be?

      • AlterNewt

        Jesus! Are you in L.A.? I wanna come to this garage sale.

    • Toomush_Infer

      My life is yours….(actually, I have no Friday life)….do it….Dooo ittt…as my 2 yr old grandson sez…….okay, I'm into my 3rd cuba libre as I type…..this sounds so sad….

    • Barrelhse

      Enjoy the dime bag.

    • Doktor Zoom

      By golly, we're gonna go buy a frozen pizza and a six pack of 1554 ("Enlightened Black Ale") and do this thing. Will make it a double-header: Kerry Fischer at 8 eastern, Tam – Tom at 9. Both will be on C-SPAN, you filthy political junkies!

    • Tommy Thompson is debating? Why that should be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • I have a dinner engagement at 6 (AZ time), right when this party is getting started but I promise I'll read all your comments when I get home. Go Tammy! Go Bob! (If Brown called Dr. Warren "professor" all night, what is Friend of Palin going to hit Kerrey with?)

    • Doktor Zoom

      Haha! I lied! The Kerry / Fischer debate already happened this morning, and it's just a rebroadcast tonight! Never mind–no point in liveblogging a rebroadcast, because even though nobody here will have already seen it, it would just not be Professional. And we are professional as crap here!

      I will still liveblog the Tom-Tam at 9 Eastern!

      • natl_indecency_cmdr

        thanks Dok that was my crazed request for a live bloog. (well, one of thousands I am sure.) wonket's new motto: "we care because we drink"

      • bobbert

        Wait until tomorrow, and do a delayed nonliveblog of the rebroadcast.

        Or not, I suppose.

        Here in Groveland, we can get a little stretchy about excitement.

        • glasspusher

          Groveland? THE Groveland? Have we discussed this before? A Wonkette party at The Iron Door Saloon would be way cool!

          • Biff

            Back when I was into riding 3 or 4 mountain passes in a day, the Iron Door and the Cutthroat Saloon were must-do stops.

        • Biff

          Iron Door is about as much fun as you can get!

  • Schmannnity

    A loss will give her more time to be with "her family."

  • "The Ballade Of Elywn Tinklenberg" is some of Tolkien's best pseudo-ancient poesy.

    • Toomush_Infer

      I kind of remember this one: it had a lot of snicker-snack and "Off with her head", didn't it?….

      • Negropolis

        Yes, and it was set to a Prince song.

    • bobbert

      That would have eliminated so much snark.*

      * A loss I would have relished.

  • Callyson

    Don't fret, Wonkette
    Shelly will shake her jelly
    For the cocks on FOX

    • glasspusher

      Almost a haiku, but pretty nonetheless.

  • Lucidamente1

    I thought "Elywn Tinklenberg" was Marcus's stage name.

    • Veritas78

      Parents can be so cruel. They passed up Jake, Max, and Fang for Elywn?

  • Schmannnity

    It's not all bad; her new Fox show, Bachmann Overdrive, should give some new nuts their wings.

    • bobbert

      Shouldn't that be on TBS?

  • the national Democrat attack machine

    Man, they say that as if it was a bad thing. I wish we'd go on the attack *more*?
    Not to mention their beef about Super PACs. To thine own self be wise, morons!

    Also: tell that craze-gazed hyena her "unshakeable core convictions" can go join Todd Akin's show-me "principle" of FAIL in whatever alternate reality spawned them. From dim bulbs ye came; to dim burnout ye shall return, fuckers.

  • docterry6973

    I guess I will toss in some of my beer money for this Dem too. I wish the GOP would run someone who isn't a ginormous asshole. Contributing against all of them runs into real money.

  • But she has GodMoney on her side!


    Didn't She1ey's mom and brother run a motel back in the day?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions."

    Forgot one. "Clinically insane."

  • Doktor Zoom

    Seriously, that photo is reminding me of some damn thing that I can't quite place…like a cartoon image of a magician or a wizard or a voodoo guy casting a spell or something. I look at that, and I know that pose…but damned if I know from where.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      David Gregory bustin out a dance move?

    • MissTaken

      Isn't it the same frightened motion Marcus made when she backed her ass up into his hands?

    • Pithaughn

      The Scorer's apprentice

    • Angry_Marmot

      All just part of the wonderful world of illusion

    • frankenstein afraid of fire?

      which is kinda reflective of michele and progress come to think of it.

    • Barrelhse

      I see either Vincent Price or the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

    • bobbert

      Look at the tongue position.

      Any cheap porno.

      (So they tell me).

    • kittensdontlie

      Bachmann is attempting a belly dancing move, which is part of her Scared Gay Straight therapy for Marcus.

    • James Michael Curley

      Harry Potter and the Secrets of the Chamber Pot

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I would hate to see Bachmann go. She is such a wonderful spokesman for the GOP.
    She's on the front line for shrinking the GOP's positive image until it will fit in a bathtub.

    • Geminisunmars

      I think it is already able to fit a douchebag.

  • Bet Marcus is terrified that she might lose.

    Think of how much harder it will be for him to have his sexytime, if she loses her house seat and starts spending more time at home.

  • Indiepalin

    She may be in serious trouble. A quick walk around the neighborhood finds it bereft of Bachmann signs and bumper stickers. 'Course I live in Santa Fe, but even so…

    • emmelemm

      OK, that made me laugh.

    • I always love seeing you on here, what with your negative p-ness. I imagine you're out on the Warblog Battlefields, fighting the furious wingnuts there, so we don't have to fight them here.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I live just outside of Bachmann's district and all I'm seeing is Grave's commercials. Hope he wins so Michele can retire to wherever batshit crazy politicians retire. Lobbyistan?

    • Or as fellow crazy person Big Herm sez it: Uz-Lobby-Lobby-Lobby-Stan-Stan

    • Mittaplasia

      Or good old Berserkistan.

  • finallyhappy

    I sent him a few bucks from the same place I send money for Wonkette drink things. I just did a survey on some detergent I will never buy(I told them that) and got a few bucks so I sent it to this guy.

    • glasspusher

      Brave detergent, fighting stains so you can stay free?

  • redarmyzombie

    Gaze not into her eyes, fellow Wonketeers, for none can look upon such incomparable madness and return unscathed…

    • Negropolis

      To stare into her eyes is to stare into the deepest depths of an E. C. Escher drawing. It's madness and chaos all the way down.

      • kittensdontlie

        In her depths, is a brain so primitive, and nearly a perfect match to the neuronal complexity of a typical salt-water sea sponge.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    God, I hope the good Doktor finds something else to post before hitting the bars tonight so we don't have to see that image first thing all weekend. I may have to change my homepage until Monday.

  • bflrtsplk

    Drinkard`s family name off the boat was Drunkard, but you know, Puritans and all. Can`t have a bunch of Drunkards running our newsrooms.

  • preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

    Not to mention her very own version of supply side christianity.

    • You've got it! She1ey just knows that Jebus saves and Moses invests. And then there was that fish & loves thing with infinite on the supply-side.

  • savethispatient

    “pray earnestly for her victory.”

    Yes, the more time you spend doing this the better. Certainly don't stop to go out and vote, God will pull that lever for you.

    • Generation[redacted]

      And don't donate money to her campaign. In the Obama economy, you're better off spending every last penny on more guns and ammo.

    • Negropolis

      Jesus take the whell, indeed.

      Yes, please pray non-stop until the end of the year. Fast and do not come out of your homes. The Lord demands it.

  • chascates

    If she loses her seat she'll run against Al Franken for his senate seat. Or start her own Glenn Beck-style teevee network.

    We'll always have Louis Gohmert and Virginia Foxx for grins.

    • docterry6973

      Al Franken could not be that lucky. No way one-L could win statewide office. Gerrymandering is her best friend.

    • Negropolis

      Oh god, please make this happen. Bachmann v. Franken would be EPIC.

      • Doktor Zoom

        It would be the first time that TV debates were Pay-Per-View.

      • glasspusher

        I would tape that.

  • PhilippePetain

    When are people going to get the hint; don't elect something that looks like it might lock you in your room for exposing your naughty pillows.

  • sati_demise

    I think you meant "Sham Wow!"

    She is the best barker of all……

  • coolhandnuke

    “Often she was just more prone to statements that just didn’t add up,” said Drinkard.

    She's got Bette Davis lies.

    • Barrelhse

      What can you expect from a Drinkard?

  • mavenmaven

    Prediction: if she loses, she'll disappear for a bit, divorce Marcus, who will then come out as gay, become a bit of a celebrity and appear on Dancing with the Stars, while she forms some kind of Bryan Fischer-like extreme Christiany wingnut group.

    • OneYieldRegular

      She would make an awesomely kitsch Gloria Swanson in a community theater drag stage production of Sunset Boulevard.

    • Nostrildamus

      She'd never divorce Marcus. Their denials are too well matched.

    • Sacanagem

      [W]hile she forms some kind of Bryan Fischer-like extreme Christiany wingnut group.

      The Aristocrats!

  • Goonemeritus

    “Wonkette Bread and Butter Michele Bachmann”

    I think that term may be truer than you think without the page views nuts like her generate the next drinky thing might be reduced to passing box wine under a bridge somewhere. After all few people have the chops to snark on Bertrand Russell. We want her up at that podium we need her up at that podium.

    • glasspusher

      You are right, my friend. I forgot who said it, but I'll never forget the comment, 6 years ago, when she first got elected and Kitty Harris was gone:

      "Our new Kitty. Thank you Jebus."

  • barto

    But just think of the talk show possibilities once she freed from her legislative responsibilities!

  • banana_bread

    Guys, don't sweat it. She will immediately get on the dole for Faux News, where she can crazy the day away with no actual legislative powers. It's a win-win!

    • Gretch is gonna be pissed! The Fox n Fiends couch ain't big enough for that much lunacy.

  • Steve King
    Michele Bachman
    Allen West

    If these Teabagger idols bite the dust, the flying-saucer wingnut brigade will go full metal David Koresh on our ass. They can't see that they're wrong, they'll just dig in even deeper because we're a "center-right country" (wink-wink) and conservatism cannot fail, it can only be failed, doncha know.

  • Radiotherapy

    the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

    ZOMG, WTF?

    • You caught that too? Word salad with dressing on the side.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Ape has killed ape! Ape has killed ape! Ape has killed ape!"

    • bikerlaureate

      Laws are natural, unlike men.


    • She'll serve water to all the rule men before taking her biblically appropriate place in the kitchen.

    • natl_indecency_cmdr

      If she believes in God's law, as implied, then she does not believe in… the Constitution! [drama sting]

  • OneYieldRegular

    If for no other reason than for Speaker Pelosi's sake, it's time to remove that ungrateful, unruly, untalented child from class and put her into a continuation school where she won't impede the other congresspersons' progress.

  • Don't worry Mish, you're still, er, "big", but rather your district got small.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I don't understand. Don't the voters know how smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and white she is?

    • Have you seen Republicans of late? There Hispanic outreach has been spray tan for the summer. From Romney to Palin, it is just getting scary.

    • Negropolis

      I see what you did there. You saved the best for last.

  • MinAgain

    I wish Michele Bachmann would make an attack ad about me. I could use the money.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Maybe you could convince some nice UC police man to pepper spray you? That's worth a mint.

  • decay500

    wait.. the AP has fact checking? Drinkard checks teh fax.. That's what he meant.

  • HelmutNewton

    "She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions…"

    I'll take "How many lies can someone tell in a single sentence", Alex.

    • Barrelhse

      Fukushima had one of those unshakable cores, too, Mr. Farah. heh.

  • rocktonsam

    is Shelly knocked up ?
    does Marcus know?

  • Come here a minute

    Somehow this sad article makes me super happy.

  • AlterNewt

    Some say that right about this time on a Friday afternoon / evening, if you stare real hard at the Wonkette logo and repeat the words "Sara Benincassa" three times, she will appear from the mist and utter endearing insults to all who have summoned her.

    But I think it's just superstition.

  • hmmm better for wonkette or better for america?

    this is tough.

  • ahnc

    Wonketeers cry.

    • Mittaplasia

      No Bachmann, no cry.

  • Ducksworthy

    Personally, I liked Elwyn Tinklenberg but his name may have been a problem for the not so astute among us.

  • jolpaj

    OMG, Wonkette Borges reference?

    • Doktor Zoom

      I'm a little hurt that you're surprised…

  • jolpaj

    Circular Ruins? So, like, Bachmann dreamed a man who dreamed of a man? Oh I get, you're talking about Marcus

  • Nostrildamus

    If Michele is defeated, Marcus can finally be queen.

  • A district that would keep sending her to congress can't really be called conservative. I don't think it could be called human–there must be an ancient curse that turns more or less normal people into zimbified Bachmann voters every election day.

  • We may cut her down, but she will just come back more powerful than before in the 5p slot on FOX News.

  • BlueStateLibel

    We can no more have crazy lady?

  • She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the where her husband can rule of men.


    • Gleem McShineys

      She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

      • bobbert

        She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men. to be fucked with a chainsaw of votes.

  • jolpaj

    See, like, Borges wrote this story called the Circular Ruins where the protagonist carefully tries to dream a man. But then he figures out that the man he dreamed actually dreamed him. Which means it's about a place where people dream men who dream men. And so Wonkette said "Bachmann, R-Circular Ruins" which is weird, but it's totally appropriate because, Bachmann, like, dreams Marcus, who is a man, who dreams men. Because he appears to be gay!
    Am I right folks?
    Never mind.

    • bobbert

      Recursive wha?


    That pic reminds you of? Before I saw the headline, I thought of Sarah Palin. Am I wrongy?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Is this the Psychopalypse?

    • bobbert

      Nice, but too late in the thread for proper appreciation.


    Little bit off-topic but, you may need some Jolly Boys, sooner or later.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Ohhhh, lovely….

    • James Michael Curley

      That was filmed the night the Ganja fields caught fire, right?

  • DahBoner

    I know one thing — when I have three Michelle Bachman Quotas a day, I just feel lighter and so much happier..

  • rocktonsam

    we really need to work on getting rid of Cantor also

    • littlebigdaddy

      And Ryan, which I think is within reach, because now everyone recognizes what an unalloyed wank stain he is.

    • bobbert

      The key is majority. Cantor in the minority is a trivial annoyance. The absence of Cantor in a majority Republican House just means we have to adapt to another shithead.

  • OT

    The mostly Rethuglican printy birdcage carpet maker, the Seattle Times, has just endorsed four moar years of Bamz.

    / jumps up, clicks heels, and heads off to have a brew in celebration

    • Barrelhse

      I lived there in the 70's and the ST was the right-wing voice then, too, while the PI was the voice of reason.

    • bobbert

      So, ST is just the upper NW equivalent of a mostly Repub rag (so, somewhere between the SacBee and the LATimes),

      but still,


    • emmelemm

      But didn't they endorse McKenna? (Fuckerz.)

      • Si

      • Negropolis

        You can't have everything, you know.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Where would you put it?

          –Steven Wright

  • BlueStateLibel

    Eh, teabagger congress are just like orcs, the Koch brothers can just raise a whole army of Michele Bachmanns out of the muck, not to worry.

    • emmelemm

      This is a great and sadly unappreciated (as yet) comment.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Do not cut down this evergreen!

  • owhatever

    She wants two more years of sucking on the gummint teat, while her husband sucks on other things.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Analysts at UBS, the Swiss bank,
    and U.S. of Amerikka, Phuck Yeah!!!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      We are first only because our beer is, on average, sooo fucking shitty.

      • bobbert

        Average by volume, maybe, but you know as well as I do that there are some damn good US beers.

  • decentcitizen

    Losing Michele would be a major blow to the GOP. It's only relative to her that allows some Repugs to escape the conclusion that they are all batshit crazy.

    • bobbert

      Not unless we also get rid of Steve King.

  • LibrarianX

    Telethon! It would be epic!! Plus, Marcus could do make-overs….

  • Barrelhse

    The picture needs a photo shopped "corn dog" with a crown of thorns.

    Hey. Was that a dick joke?

  • littlebigdaddy

    The Palm Wine Drinkard?

  • bobbert

    HEY! Minnesotans!

    I know it's a tough sell, but if you are within reach of her district, please consider knocking on a few doors. If you persuade one out of ten, it could decide the election.

  • Negropolis

    We shall survive. I know it'll be hard without Michele, but life will always find a way.

    Farewell, Michele, my belle…

    • Doktor Zoom

      As long as we know how to snark, I know we'll be all right.

  • LouBristol

    Aaand here's the poster –

  • squirmisher

    If there is a god, she will lose then reveal herself to be an Andy Kaufmanesque performer this whole time.

  • aboutheagora

    Good ole Michele. It is like she robbed a Moron Bank and made off with Billions! Jesus saves but Bat-Shit Bachmann withdraws. She just wants to live in Prosperia with Jesus and Ronnie Reagan (so she can play ride the horsey on his knee) and the Golden Calf she saw somewhere in the homosexual capitol New York where the Job Creators gave her money. Sorry, Auntie Michele just brings it out of me. I mean Jesusfreaks.

  • aussiefromafar

    Look at the bright side….Marcus gets his fag hag back!

  • irishdave3

    If she loses this election, would that make her a Bachmann Turnover? Sheesh, all this time I thought that was a Goopy Pastry or a Porn Flick, or such as that. tool, also.

  • LibrarianX

    Ask Lou Sarah for help.

  • ttommyunger


  • I'm guessing the disturbed individuals who thought "Yes! That's who I want to see representing me in congress!" are still just as disturbed and more than willing to send BachBach back to Washington. How much would it cost to build a really tall wall around an entire legislative district? I want something heavy and hard to climb between me and those people.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mystery semi-solved! I think that THIS is the image that ol' Crazy Eyes reminded me of, even though Bachman's pose and expression aren't really the same at all. Something about the overall air of cray-cray and the odd posture (it occurs to me that the hands are reminiscent of this, too).

    Or maybe there's something else….

    • Calapine

      I think the Bachmann is suis generis.

      Or at least very, very special…

  • JohnnyBrooklyn

    Yeah but if she loses, her sitcom on Fox will be even funnier than Palin's.


  • fishwharf

    Tammy Faye Baker/Messner was also born in Minnesota. Michele had much in common with Tammy Faye during the heyday of the PTL Club, but Jim Baker went to prison and Tammy Faye found redemption. Tammy Faye has since become something of a gay icon, and was warmly received at the Castro Theater in San Francisco. Marcus must be so jealous.

  • menopausemafia

    Did you see the study that just came out from a bunch of progressives at a university in California that found republican women look more like women, have features more associated with females, and, although they don't actually say it, are more attractive to both conservatives and progressives. And, conversely, that liberal women have facial features that are less feminine and more ill defined or masculine? This is good data, good study.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Aww, we got a brand new troll!

    • Negropolis

      Beauty is but skin deep; your stupidity, however, is forever and a day, bless your heart.

    • glamourdammerung

      Did you see the studies that exist in actual reality that were done at New York University and UCLA about how Republican "brains" are less capable of learning new information and primarily centered on fear as well as lacking the able to correct wrong information and not go off on knee-jerk reactions?

  • brownrl2

    The thing that I would really love to see is a film crew up go to her district MN and make a documentary of the place!

    I mean how can this person get elected by other human beings for anything?

    Is her district like a bunch of rabid zoo animals that have escaped? How does she get elected and re-elected…

  • whatupirondog

    OK, I guess I'll pray for her, but not earnestly! I save the good stuff for wishing death on homosexuals and high school football.

Previous articleHow Is Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin Setting His Compound On Fire Today?
Next articleMidwest Madness: Your Wisconsin Senate Debate Liveblog!