COULD THIS BE THE END OF LITTLE PSYCHO?  5:54 pm September 28, 2012

Sad Face: Wonkette Bread And Butter Michele Bachmann May Be In Trouble

by Doktor Zoom

Sha-ZAMM! (This pic reminds us of some other image, but we honestly cannot remember what it is...)We’d really hate to jinx anything, so we are typing this with our fingers crossed: America’s Craziest Legislator Michele Bachmann (R-Circular Ruins), despite the advantages of a fanatical national following and a very conservative district, just might not be a shoo-in for reelection this fall. (Also, OW! OW! OW! Do not try to type that way.)

While she still leads her opponent, hotelier Jim Graves, in most polls, that lead appears to be narrowing, and substantial percentages of Minnesota voters rate her performance in office as “poor.” Bachmann’s own campaign materials are portraying her as the target of “the national Democrat attack machine and liberal ‘Super PACS,’” and WingNut Daily publisher Joseph Farah has issued an “Urgent plea for support of Michele Bachmann,” explaining that

She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

And she stays crunchy, even in milk! Farah, who normally can’t stand class warfare, warns that Bachmann’s opponent is a “fat-cat multimillionaire who will spend whatever it takes to defeat Bachmann in his effort to return Pelosi to the position of speaker of the House,” and closes by exhorting readers beaten down by the Obama economy that if they can’t donate cash, they should at least “pray earnestly for her victory.”

Still, at least Bachmann shares with her constituency a wild-eyed fear of the Islams, right? That’s got to be working out pretty well for her, what with the scary Islams actually rioting and so on? Apparently not entirely! A pro-Bachmann PAC ran an ad accusing Jim Graves of being too darn naive about the scary infiltration of Islam into our drinking water, and while it’s unclear how much it might have helped Bachmann, it definitely helped Graves: when the ad was featured on Daily Kos, it raised nearly $8000 for Graves:


The other fun Bachmann news this week is the revelation that, during the GOP primaries, Bachmann was so consistently divorced from reality that the Associated Press simply threw up its hands and decided it couldn’t possibly fact-check everything she said. At a recent National Press Club panel, Jim Drinkard (really! That is his name! We like him already!), the editor who supervises fact-checking for the AP, acknowledged that Bachmann’s bullshit often piled up to insurmountable levels:

“We had to have a self-imposed Michele Bachmann quota in some of those debates.”

After the session, Drinkard said that there wasn’t an actual numerical quota on Bachmann at the AP. It’s just that if the AP had gone back and vetted all her claims that looked dicey, the result would “overload” the debate story. “Often she was just more prone to statements that just didn’t add up,” said Drinkard.

Even so, it’s not like Bachmann’s tenuous connections to what most people call “reality” has hurt her in the past. After she called for investigations of the “anti-American” views of members of Congress (and then denied saying what she was clearly said, on tape), Bachman handily won her 2010 race against sixth-level druid Elwyn Tinklenberg, despite polls suggesting Tinklenberg and Bachman were tied, and the loss of GOP advertising funding.

Mere looniness has never held her back in the past, so while we’re happy to send a few Ameros to Jim Graves’ campaign (That is a linky to donate, right there!), we are also perfectly willing to believe that ol’ Crazy Eyes is like a B-movie monster who can continue to pop up again and again to threaten a terrified populace, no matter how many salvos of facts and rationality get lobbed at her.

[ABC News / City Pages /WaPo ]

 
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{ 281 comments }

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Ding, dong the witch is dead.
(No crazy-eyed politicians were actually harmed by this song, nor do I wish to suggest such.)

weejee September 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

She1ey needs water. Lots of melty, melty water.

WhatTheHeck September 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

NOOOOOOOOO…
she and the other crazy b.., er, Sarah person, brought untold joy to my life.
Now, who will bring me laughter in the morning? Huh?

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Did I miss a rule change?

Spurning Beer September 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Ding dong with votes!

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

(Why Not?)

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

But… Who will advocate for the vaccinatedly re.tarded?

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

That's an awesome commercial.

Graves: Bachmann's were outrageous.
Commercial voiceover: NO, WHAT GRAVES SAYS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
Graves: Michele Bachmann is out of touch.
Voiceover: NO, YOU'RE OUT OF TOUCH. MICHELE IS RUBBER AND YOU'RE GLUE.

SnarkOff September 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I know you are, but what am I?

Naked_Bunny September 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Now I want a Michele Bachmann/Paul Reubens presidential ticket.

SmutBoffin September 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I CAN SEE HER TONGUE DEAR GOD I CAN SEE HER TONGUE

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Well SmutBoffin that puts you one up on Marcus.

Lascauxcaveman September 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Still, the crazy old bat is somehow kinda sexy. At least in these little photos Wonkette runs with posts on her.

In real life, up close, I'm sure she looks much more like an older woman desperately trying to look younger. Which is always more sad than sexy.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Shitty legs.

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

One who stays weight-proportionate or better, as She1ey has… and knows how to "wear a dress well" (nevermind her weird debate-choice in admiral garb — I'm more thinking of the yellow sundress at the state fair, etc.) — can pull off the effect just like you said, which for [un]reality teevee viewing is about all that's needed. For skin-deep purposes, anyway.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 8:06 pm

That voice though — while she can be stylish when she's not channeling Sun-Ra, that voice kills any notion of sexiness. And you just know it never stops.

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

You know what was weird about the debate tonight? That Rep. Tammy Baldwin — I was waiting for someone else to mention it — but she's kind of got a bedroom voice! Still has to work on her delivery though.

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I can't bear to look…tell me, is her tongue forked?

Blueb4sinrise September 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

…..and that's the last anyone ever heard from many a human.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I thought you reptiles used that to signal sexual interest.

Oh, wait. I think I get your problem.

Gleem McShineys September 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I don't think it's her tongue. I think it's someone else's, and she is not quite finished chewing it up yet.

fitley October 9, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Yes but only Bush felt that tongue, half way down his throat. Excuse me while I
EEEWWWWW.

Sue4466 September 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

That she keeps getting elected suggests the folks in her district might all be good looking, the most certainly are all well below average.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Time forgot them.

zerosumgame0005 September 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

St Cloud is not home of the intellectual elite in any way shape or form…

DrunkIrishman September 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

She is extremely smart, articulate…

In what universe? Seriously … you must be dumber than a rotting dead gold fish if you really believe Michele Bachmann is both smart and articulate. Terri Schiavo grunted more articulate things than Bachmann has said over the years.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

To be fair, he meant she uses her tongue and lips well.

sharethegrief September 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm

But not on Marcus.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 7:03 pm

You remember what Paul Krugman said about Newt Gingrich? Same about Mishmash. In SPADES.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm

She's smarticulate.

Sharkey September 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Have we checked with Trig Palin?

BZ1 September 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Unfortunately, Jim Graves is sane.

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

He really doesn't stand a chance, does he?

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Can we send him some of the infamous brown acid?

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I don't have any facts to back this up, but I'm pretty sure that the infamous brown acid is all gone.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

You think? Heck it's only been 43 years. Do any Wonketteers work at the Smithsonian, or similar institutions, where such cherished bits of Americana would be preserved?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 28, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Wouldn't you prefer the stuff made in that decommissioned nuclear silo? http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/2-Bay-Area-

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 7:05 pm

GodDAMMIT, I am ALWAYS fucking late to the fucking party, ALWAYS.

I don't suppose you know where a person might … no? No, I guess not.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

This.

Forget it Jack; it's Anokatown.

Gorillionaire September 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

She has never lost an election, right on back to her school board days. Anyhoo I did just get paid so I will probably send a few bucks to her opponent, just for kicks!

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

And I just got laid, so I will probably too.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 7:06 pm

You tell me NOTHING, NOTHING.

gurukalehuru September 29, 2012 at 10:00 am

First time for everything.

skmind September 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

The sad part is that Minnesota Palin will still win. By at least 5 points. That is how far gone her district is.

Time to make districts and states secede from the Union. Compulsory secession.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

The thing is, it's kinda like Minnesota has manged to localize the infection. And unless she is the casting vote for a majority, who cares? She doesn't do shit in Congress anyhow.

aboutheagora September 29, 2012 at 6:46 am

Mayo Clinic! Those smart bastards!

SnarkOff September 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Poor Marcus already had his dress picked out for the inaugural ball.

memzilla September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

…"if the AP had gone back and vetted all her claims that looked dicey, the result would 'overload' the debate story."

Not to mention the cost of replacing the desks at AP offices, made unusable from the deep indentations caused by multiple headdesks.

Wilcoxyz September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

If Michele Bachmann isn't in Congress, she may take on more foster children. Vote for her. Save the children.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Are you sure they wouldn't be happier as homeless vagrant orphans?

4TheTurnstiles September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

We'll always have Virginia Foxx. (which reminds me, what happened to Shelley "dracula cunt" Sekula Gibbs?)

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

We will? Now that's a fucking buzzkill.

randomsausage September 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Sorry Wonketteers but I'd hit it.

northernbassist September 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

bringing new meaning to the whole 'making laws is like making sausage' meme….

cousinitt September 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Wonkers, dude obviously is suffering from a substance abuse problem. He needs our help. Bachmann is not, repeat not, made of latex. I've seen what meth does to people and you need to get right or you will most certainly go to hell for hitting that.

ShreditorsDesk September 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

She does have that thang goin' on yup.

OzoneTom September 28, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Everyone should have teh crazy-sex at least once.

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Crazy sex is good, just not when it's of the batshit variety…

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Just make sure it's with a crazy who doesn't know where you live.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 6:29 pm

And now for this month's installment of the Wonkette Fucking Crazy: Yeah or Nay?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

( ) Yea
( ) Nay
(X) Give me a fucking break

AlterNewt September 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

IF- and only if – afterwards there is no:

1. Cuddling
2. Baby talk
3. Any other kind of talking

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I'd hit it…with a 10-point Rasmussen poll.

DemmeFatale September 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'd hit it, too…with a 2 x 4.

(Daddy?)

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I would proceed with caution. Look what happened to Marcus, after he hit that.
It changes a man.

gurukalehuru September 29, 2012 at 10:02 am

Yeah, so would I

Biff September 29, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Just last night, I was musing to myself that while I will gladly accept mercy fucks, I'm not so eager to give them up. Kinda one-way of me, I know…

Biel_ze_Bubba September 30, 2012 at 12:20 am

Would not, could not. The rank stupidity is a stone cold bonerkiller. It's qualitatively different from the daft charm of, say, a Jessica Simpson, which I could easily overlook for quite some time.

YasserArraFeck October 1, 2012 at 1:19 am

Loath though I am to say it – but that's the best pic of Shellie that I've seen. I'd tap that (god help me….)

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 6:02 pm

There's something more than mere craziness in those eyes. Something dark and as old as the world itself.

But mostly it's craziness.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Dirt?

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Ancient mascara, maybe?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Magma?

Smegma?

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Dogma?

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Her eyes being truly the windows to her cold, dark soul, as the olde English proverb suggests.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm

That "something dark and as old as the world itself" is sheer and utter cosmic chaos. It becomes here.

Whatever September 29, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Hide! Hide now! In the Cabin in the Woods

memzilla September 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Does this mean that if Michele Bachmann [R-Crazy Eyes] loses, that Minnesotans will have to wing their own nuts!?

GemlikeFlame September 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

I suspect Marcus would be happy to volunteer as long as no lady parts are involved.

Seriously, the best way to deal with someone like Michele is to ask her, early and often and preferably in front of a microphone, to expose her views and the reasons behind them. If you feign interest and sympathy, pretty soon the real motivations emerge. The kind of crazy Michele is doesn't spontaneously emerge in adulthood, it generally starts in early childhood and if she married someone like her father that's about 80% of the explanation right there.

Psychotics like Michele aren't born, they're made.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Such a hard choice: donate to Graves, he wins, Michelle is gone….What??????!!!!!

GunToting[Redacted] September 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

"She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled…"

Can someone please get Joe Farah a new dictionary please? His appears to be broken.

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Just wait till when the Muslin is reelected.

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Wait until the U N occupies Lubbock? They'll be giving out free dictionaries to the people.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Hey, we got a tip asking if we were going to livebloog the Tommy Thompson/Tammy Baldwin senate debate tonight…If we can find the damn thing on the interwebs, would anyone find those two people interesting enough that we should do it? And by "we" I mean "me" because Rebecca left me with the keys to the car and $10 for "snacks" (with votes!)

SnarkOff September 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Will you refer to them as Tommy-n-Tammy? If so sure.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 28, 2012 at 7:01 pm

You have to do it L.A. style. They're to be referred to as Tom-Tam.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

OK, so it is on CSPAN at 9 Eastern. If there is an overwhelming cry of, "Yes, blog to us on a Friday night about people you know virtually nothing about!" we may do it. But we'll have to buy beer first.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Speaking of buying beer, how's Vlad these days? Mayhaps we can have another unofficial Seattle do.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Yeah, another unofficial Seattle do!

Hell, we could even do an official one, but I'm not sure Rebecca could hang.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I could go for that. I will just fly if it happens, because I have learned my lesson about attempting to take Vlad out of town.

trampndirtdown September 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

City arts festival is Oct. 17-20. I'll be over if you guys can set one up.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

There's also Bob Kerrey and Deb Fischer in Nebraska at 8 Eastern, so it could be double-header of excitement! Or crushing Midwest boredom! Or I could just watch Breaking Bad on Netflix.

Guidance, people, I need to know!

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Dok, for you I'll cancel my overnighter to Benghazi.

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 6:31 pm

DEAR GOD, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT, JUST DON'T LEAVE US HERE WITH CRAZY-EYES!!!

tracyhasfun September 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I can't add anything helpful. I am going to a greek festival and then to see Looper. HOWEVER I will definitely check back as I am anxious to see how you parse mushmouth T-Thomp's verbiage. His speaking makes me nauseous.

Rotundo_ September 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

The guy who conjugates the verb "Think" as Tink, Tank, Tunk. You can take the guy out of Elroy, but damned if you can take the Elroy out of him. He wouldn't be as consistently awful as Johnson, but only because Tommy is consistently unconsistent. It is no small comfort that Tammy Baldwin is leading by 9 points. If there is anyone with a clue that hasn't decided yet (yeah, right) hopefully watching the verbal trainwreck that is Tommy Thompson's oratory should bump that up a bit.

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Is their going to be a Joe Walsh/Tammy Duckworth debate? I'd break any dinner date to see that.

Here in AZ, Jon Kyl's hand-picked successor Jeff Flake (also endorsed by John McCain and Jan Brewer) has refused to debate Democrat Richard Carmona. They're now running neck-in-neck and Flake's strategy is not to let anyone hear what a flakey tea bag he is. Meanwhile Carmona has gained the endorsement of the Fraternal Order of Police, among others. Here's a great Carmona ad sponsored in part by VoteVets:
https://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/6676/p/salsa

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Count me in!

(rushing off to get some beer…)

Biff September 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I get a reprieve, actually got shit to do, so have fun without me!

Native_of_SL_UT September 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I suggest you do just so we don't have to see this lunatic woman's face on top of this site for the whole weekend. Better yet, just post a cocktail recipe or something.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I'm afraid $10 for snacks ain't gonna do it for me.

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

How much is Mad Dog 20/20 these days?

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm

If it will make it easier for you, we'll mute it and just go with whatever you tell us they're saying.

viennawoods13 September 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I'd probably say yes, but I am spending the night with my sweet 87 yr old mother and will have NO internet access!! Teh horror! Teh horror!

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 6:44 pm

i might check in. we are preparing for our blow out garage sale tomorrow and i'm just moving crap from around.

anyone need a sixteen stone CD, a princess of power seaharp or a bleeding pie from an 1996 production of 'titus andronicus'?

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm

" a bleeding pie "

Boy howdy, does that ever sound wrong. (I had a bleeding pie but it stopped mid-week.)

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

What, a 224 pound CD? How big does the goddamn player have to be?

AlterNewt September 29, 2012 at 1:54 am

Jesus! Are you in L.A.? I wanna come to this garage sale.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm

My life is yours….(actually, I have no Friday life)….do it….Dooo ittt…as my 2 yr old grandson sez…….okay, I'm into my 3rd cuba libre as I type…..this sounds so sad….

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Enjoy the dime bag.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 7:08 pm

By golly, we're gonna go buy a frozen pizza and a six pack of 1554 ("Enlightened Black Ale") and do this thing. Will make it a double-header: Kerry Fischer at 8 eastern, Tam – Tom at 9. Both will be on C-SPAN, you filthy political junkies!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Tommy Thompson is debating? Why that should be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I have a dinner engagement at 6 (AZ time), right when this party is getting started but I promise I'll read all your comments when I get home. Go Tammy! Go Bob! (If Brown called Dr. Warren "professor" all night, what is Friend of Palin going to hit Kerrey with?)

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Haha! I lied! The Kerry / Fischer debate already happened this morning, and it's just a rebroadcast tonight! Never mind–no point in liveblogging a rebroadcast, because even though nobody here will have already seen it, it would just not be Professional. And we are professional as crap here!

I will still liveblog the Tom-Tam at 9 Eastern!

natl_indecency_cmdr September 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm

thanks Dok that was my crazed request for a live bloog. (well, one of thousands I am sure.) wonket's new motto: "we care because we drink"

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Wait until tomorrow, and do a delayed nonliveblog of the rebroadcast.

Or not, I suppose.

Here in Groveland, we can get a little stretchy about excitement.

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Groveland? THE Groveland? Have we discussed this before? A Wonkette party at The Iron Door Saloon would be way cool!

Biff September 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Back when I was into riding 3 or 4 mountain passes in a day, the Iron Door and the Cutthroat Saloon were must-do stops.

Biff September 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Iron Door is about as much fun as you can get!

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

A loss will give her more time to be with "her family."

Chet Kincaid_ September 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"The Ballade Of Elywn Tinklenberg" is some of Tolkien's best pseudo-ancient poesy.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I kind of remember this one: it had a lot of snicker-snack and "Off with her head", didn't it?….

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Yes, and it was set to a Prince song.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:29 pm

That would have eliminated so much snark.*

* A loss I would have relished.

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Don't fret, Wonkette
Shelly will shake her jelly
For the cocks on FOX

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Almost a haiku, but pretty nonetheless.

Lucidamente1 September 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I thought "Elywn Tinklenberg" was Marcus's stage name.

Veritas78 September 28, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Parents can be so cruel. They passed up Jake, Max, and Fang for Elywn?

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

It's not all bad; her new Fox show, Bachmann Overdrive, should give some new nuts their wings.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Shouldn't that be on TBS?

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

the national Democrat attack machine

Man, they say that as if it was a bad thing. I wish we'd go on the attack *more*?
Not to mention their beef about Super PACs. To thine own self be wise, morons!

Also: tell that craze-gazed hyena her "unshakeable core convictions" can go join Todd Akin's show-me "principle" of FAIL in whatever alternate reality spawned them. From dim bulbs ye came; to dim burnout ye shall return, fuckers.

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I guess I will toss in some of my beer money for this Dem too. I wish the GOP would run someone who isn't a ginormous asshole. Contributing against all of them runs into real money.

ChillBill September 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

But she has GodMoney on her side!

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

COULD THIS BE THE END OF LITTLE PSYCHO?

Didn't She1ey's mom and brother run a motel back in the day?

Angry_Marmot September 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm
BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

"She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions."

Forgot one. "Clinically insane."

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Seriously, that photo is reminding me of some damn thing that I can't quite place…like a cartoon image of a magician or a wizard or a voodoo guy casting a spell or something. I look at that, and I know that pose…but damned if I know from where.

Native_of_SL_UT September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

David Gregory bustin out a dance move?

MissTaken September 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Isn't it the same frightened motion Marcus made when she backed her ass up into his hands?

Pithaughn September 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

The Scorer's apprentice

Angry_Marmot September 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

All just part of the wonderful world of illusion

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 6:47 pm

frankenstein afraid of fire?

which is kinda reflective of michele and progress come to think of it.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I see either Vincent Price or the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Look at the tongue position.

Any cheap porno.

(So they tell me).

kittensdontlie September 29, 2012 at 12:34 am

Bachmann is attempting a belly dancing move, which is part of her Scared Gay Straight therapy for Marcus.

James Michael Curley September 29, 2012 at 6:15 am

Harry Potter and the Secrets of the Chamber Pot

Native_of_SL_UT September 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I would hate to see Bachmann go. She is such a wonderful spokesman for the GOP.
She's on the front line for shrinking the GOP's positive image until it will fit in a bathtub.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I think it is already able to fit a douchebag.

OldWhiteLies September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Bet Marcus is terrified that she might lose.

Think of how much harder it will be for him to have his sexytime, if she loses her house seat and starts spending more time at home.

Indiepalin September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

She may be in serious trouble. A quick walk around the neighborhood finds it bereft of Bachmann signs and bumper stickers. 'Course I live in Santa Fe, but even so…

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 7:04 pm

OK, that made me laugh.

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I always love seeing you on here, what with your negative p-ness. I imagine you're out on the Warblog Battlefields, fighting the furious wingnuts there, so we don't have to fight them here.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I live just outside of Bachmann's district and all I'm seeing is Grave's commercials. Hope he wins so Michele can retire to wherever batshit crazy politicians retire. Lobbyistan?

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Or as fellow crazy person Big Herm sez it: Uz-Lobby-Lobby-Lobby-Stan-Stan

Mittaplasia September 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Or good old Berserkistan.

finallyhappy September 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I sent him a few bucks from the same place I send money for Wonkette drink things. I just did a survey on some detergent I will never buy(I told them that) and got a few bucks so I sent it to this guy.

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Brave detergent, fighting stains so you can stay free?

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Gaze not into her eyes, fellow Wonketeers, for none can look upon such incomparable madness and return unscathed…

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:31 pm

To stare into her eyes is to stare into the deepest depths of an E. C. Escher drawing. It's madness and chaos all the way down.

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 11:53 pm

In her depths, is a brain so primitive, and nearly a perfect match to the neuronal complexity of a typical salt-water sea sponge.

Native_of_SL_UT September 28, 2012 at 6:19 pm

God, I hope the good Doktor finds something else to post before hitting the bars tonight so we don't have to see that image first thing all weekend. I may have to change my homepage until Monday.

bflrtsplk September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Drinkard`s family name off the boat was Drunkard, but you know, Puritans and all. Can`t have a bunch of Drunkards running our newsrooms.

Joshua Norton September 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

Not to mention her very own version of supply side christianity.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

You've got it! She1ey just knows that Jebus saves and Moses invests. And then there was that fish & loves thing with infinite on the supply-side.

savethispatient September 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

“pray earnestly for her victory.”

Yes, the more time you spend doing this the better. Certainly don't stop to go out and vote, God will pull that lever for you.

Generation[redacted] September 28, 2012 at 6:42 pm

And don't donate money to her campaign. In the Obama economy, you're better off spending every last penny on more guns and ammo.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Jesus take the whell, indeed.

Yes, please pray non-stop until the end of the year. Fast and do not come out of your homes. The Lord demands it.

chascates September 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

If she loses her seat she'll run against Al Franken for his senate seat. Or start her own Glenn Beck-style teevee network.

We'll always have Louis Gohmert and Virginia Foxx for grins.

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Al Franken could not be that lucky. No way one-L could win statewide office. Gerrymandering is her best friend.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Oh god, please make this happen. Bachmann v. Franken would be EPIC.

Doktor Zoom September 29, 2012 at 6:00 am

It would be the first time that TV debates were Pay-Per-View.

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I would tape that.

PhilippePetain September 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm

When are people going to get the hint; don't elect something that looks like it might lock you in your room for exposing your naughty pillows.

sati_demise September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I think you meant "Sham Wow!"

She is the best barker of all……

coolhandnuke September 28, 2012 at 6:26 pm

“Often she was just more prone to statements that just didn’t add up,” said Drinkard.

She's got Bette Davis lies.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 7:06 pm

What can you expect from a Drinkard?

mavenmaven September 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Prediction: if she loses, she'll disappear for a bit, divorce Marcus, who will then come out as gay, become a bit of a celebrity and appear on Dancing with the Stars, while she forms some kind of Bryan Fischer-like extreme Christiany wingnut group.

OneYieldRegular September 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

She would make an awesomely kitsch Gloria Swanson in a community theater drag stage production of Sunset Boulevard.

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

She'd never divorce Marcus. Their denials are too well matched.

Sacanagem September 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

[W]hile she forms some kind of Bryan Fischer-like extreme Christiany wingnut group.

The Aristocrats!

Goonemeritus September 28, 2012 at 6:31 pm

“Wonkette Bread and Butter Michele Bachmann”

I think that term may be truer than you think without the page views nuts like her generate the next drinky thing might be reduced to passing box wine under a bridge somewhere. After all few people have the chops to snark on Bertrand Russell. We want her up at that podium we need her up at that podium.

glasspusher September 29, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You are right, my friend. I forgot who said it, but I'll never forget the comment, 6 years ago, when she first got elected and Kitty Harris was gone:

"Our new Kitty. Thank you Jebus."

barto September 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

But just think of the talk show possibilities once she freed from her legislative responsibilities!

banana_bread September 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Guys, don't sweat it. She will immediately get on the dole for Faux News, where she can crazy the day away with no actual legislative powers. It's a win-win!

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Gretch is gonna be pissed! The Fox n Fiends couch ain't big enough for that much lunacy.

Joshua Norton September 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Steve King
Michele Bachman
Allen West

If these Teabagger idols bite the dust, the flying-saucer wingnut brigade will go full metal David Koresh on our ass. They can't see that they're wrong, they'll just dig in even deeper because we're a "center-right country" (wink-wink) and conservatism cannot fail, it can only be failed, doncha know.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 6:34 pm

the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

ZOMG, WTF?

Joshua Norton September 28, 2012 at 6:37 pm

You caught that too? Word salad with dressing on the side.

Generation[redacted] September 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"Ape has killed ape! Ape has killed ape! Ape has killed ape!"

bikerlaureate September 28, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Laws are natural, unlike men.

Um…

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm

She'll serve water to all the rule men before taking her biblically appropriate place in the kitchen.

Sharkey September 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Wow! Don't think I've seen that one before!

Designer_Rants September 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Fink Luntz enjoyed it.

natl_indecency_cmdr September 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

If she believes in God's law, as implied, then she does not believe in… the Constitution! [drama sting]

OneYieldRegular September 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

If for no other reason than for Speaker Pelosi's sake, it's time to remove that ungrateful, unruly, untalented child from class and put her into a continuation school where she won't impede the other congresspersons' progress.

ManchuCandidate September 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Don't worry Mish, you're still, er, "big", but rather your district got small.

Generation[redacted] September 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I don't understand. Don't the voters know how smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and white she is?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Have you seen Republicans of late? There Hispanic outreach has been spray tan for the summer. From Romney to Palin, it is just getting scary.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

I see what you did there. You saved the best for last.

MinAgain September 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I wish Michele Bachmann would make an attack ad about me. I could use the money.

Generation[redacted] September 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Maybe you could convince some nice UC police man to pepper spray you? That's worth a mint.

decay500 September 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

wait.. the AP has fact checking? Drinkard checks teh fax.. That's what he meant.

HelmutNewton September 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions…"

I'll take "How many lies can someone tell in a single sentence", Alex.

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Fukushima had one of those unshakable cores, too, Mr. Farah. heh.

rocktonsam September 28, 2012 at 6:46 pm

is Shelly knocked up ?
does Marcus know?

Come here a minute September 28, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Somehow this sad article makes me super happy.

AlterNewt September 28, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Some say that right about this time on a Friday afternoon / evening, if you stare real hard at the Wonkette logo and repeat the words "Sara Benincassa" three times, she will appear from the mist and utter endearing insults to all who have summoned her.

But I think it's just superstition.

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

nice.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Tease.

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

hmmm better for wonkette or better for america?

this is tough.

ahnc September 28, 2012 at 7:02 pm

No.More.Bachmann.
Wonketeers cry.

Mittaplasia September 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

No Bachmann, no cry.

Ducksworthy September 28, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Personally, I liked Elwyn Tinklenberg but his name may have been a problem for the not so astute among us.

jolpaj September 28, 2012 at 7:10 pm

OMG, Wonkette Borges reference?

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I'm a little hurt that you're surprised…

jolpaj September 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Circular Ruins? So, like, Bachmann dreamed a man who dreamed of a man? Oh I get, you're talking about Marcus

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 7:16 pm

If Michele is defeated, Marcus can finally be queen.

Chow Yun Flat September 28, 2012 at 7:20 pm

A district that would keep sending her to congress can't really be called conservative. I don't think it could be called human–there must be an ancient curse that turns more or less normal people into zimbified Bachmann voters every election day.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 7:26 pm

We may cut her down, but she will just come back more powerful than before in the 5p slot on FOX News.

BlueStateLibel September 28, 2012 at 7:27 pm

We can no more have crazy lady?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the where her husband can rule of men.

Fixed.

Gleem McShineys September 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:42 pm

She is extremely smart, articulate, sincere, honest, principled and maintains unshakable core convictions about preserving America’s heritage of constitutionally limited government and the rule of law rather than the rule of men. to be fucked with a chainsaw of votes.

jolpaj September 28, 2012 at 7:41 pm

See, like, Borges wrote this story called the Circular Ruins where the protagonist carefully tries to dream a man. But then he figures out that the man he dreamed actually dreamed him. Which means it's about a place where people dream men who dream men. And so Wonkette said "Bachmann, R-Circular Ruins" which is weird, but it's totally appropriate because, Bachmann, like, dreams Marcus, who is a man, who dreams men. Because he appears to be gay!
Am I right folks?
Never mind.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Recursive wha?

BTWBFDIMHO September 28, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That pic reminds you of? Before I saw the headline, I thought of Sarah Palin. Am I wrongy?

Dashboard Buddha September 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Is this the Psychopalypse?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Nice, but too late in the thread for proper appreciation.

BTWBFDIMHO September 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Little bit off-topic but, you may need some Jolly Boys, sooner or later. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZoImzA5iO4

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Ohhhh, lovely….

James Michael Curley September 29, 2012 at 6:28 am

That was filmed the night the Ganja fields caught fire, right?

DahBoner September 28, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I know one thing — when I have three Michelle Bachman Quotas a day, I just feel lighter and so much happier..

rocktonsam September 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm

we really need to work on getting rid of Cantor also

littlebigdaddy September 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And Ryan, which I think is within reach, because now everyone recognizes what an unalloyed wank stain he is.

trampndirtdown September 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm
bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:46 pm

The key is majority. Cantor in the minority is a trivial annoyance. The absence of Cantor in a majority Republican House just means we have to adapt to another shithead.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

OT

The mostly Rethuglican printy birdcage carpet maker, the Seattle Times, has just endorsed four moar years of Bamz.

/ jumps up, clicks heels, and heads off to have a brew in celebration

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I lived there in the 70's and the ST was the right-wing voice then, too, while the PI was the voice of reason.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

So, ST is just the upper NW equivalent of a mostly Repub rag (so, somewhere between the SacBee and the LATimes),

but still,

WAHOOO!!!

emmelemm September 29, 2012 at 4:09 am

But didn't they endorse McKenna? (Fuckerz.)

weejee September 29, 2012 at 9:36 am

Si

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 9:00 pm

You can't have everything, you know.

Doktor Zoom October 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Where would you put it?

–Steven Wright

BlueStateLibel September 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Eh, teabagger congress are just like orcs, the Koch brothers can just raise a whole army of Michele Bachmanns out of the muck, not to worry.

emmelemm September 29, 2012 at 4:12 am

This is a great and sadly unappreciated (as yet) comment.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Do not cut down this evergreen!

owhatever September 28, 2012 at 8:28 pm

She wants two more years of sucking on the gummint teat, while her husband sucks on other things.

Blueb4sinrise September 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Oktoberfest,
Analysts at UBS, the Swiss bank,
and U.S. of Amerikka, Phuck Yeah!!!
http://www.economist.com/blogs/graphicdetail/2012

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

We are first only because our beer is, on average, sooo fucking shitty.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Average by volume, maybe, but you know as well as I do that there are some damn good US beers.

decentcitizen September 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Losing Michele would be a major blow to the GOP. It's only relative to her that allows some Repugs to escape the conclusion that they are all batshit crazy.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Not unless we also get rid of Steve King.

LibrarianX September 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Telethon! It would be epic!! Plus, Marcus could do make-overs….

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

The picture needs a photo shopped "corn dog" with a crown of thorns.

Hey. Was that a dick joke?

littlebigdaddy September 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

The Palm Wine Drinkard?

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:59 pm

HEY! Minnesotans!

I know it's a tough sell, but if you are within reach of her district, please consider knocking on a few doors. If you persuade one out of ten, it could decide the election.

Negropolis September 29, 2012 at 12:02 am

We shall survive. I know it'll be hard without Michele, but life will always find a way.

Farewell, Michele, my belle…

Doktor Zoom September 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

As long as we know how to snark, I know we'll be all right.

LouBristol September 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

Aaand here's the poster – http://i.imgur.com/3mbc1.jpg

squirmisher September 29, 2012 at 6:25 am

If there is a god, she will lose then reveal herself to be an Andy Kaufmanesque performer this whole time.

aboutheagora September 29, 2012 at 6:55 am

Good ole Michele. It is like she robbed a Moron Bank and made off with Billions! Jesus saves but Bat-Shit Bachmann withdraws. She just wants to live in Prosperia with Jesus and Ronnie Reagan (so she can play ride the horsey on his knee) and the Golden Calf she saw somewhere in the homosexual capitol New York where the Job Creators gave her money. Sorry, Auntie Michele just brings it out of me. I mean Jesusfreaks.

aussiefromafar September 29, 2012 at 6:59 am

Look at the bright side….Marcus gets his fag hag back!

irishdave3 September 29, 2012 at 7:46 am

If she loses this election, would that make her a Bachmann Turnover? Sheesh, all this time I thought that was a Goopy Pastry or a Porn Flick, or such as that. tool, also.

LibrarianX September 29, 2012 at 8:57 am

Ask Lou Sarah for help.

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"SAD FACE: WONKETTE BREAD AND BUTTER MICHELE BACHMANN …" White bread, no doubt.

valthemus September 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I'm guessing the disturbed individuals who thought "Yes! That's who I want to see representing me in congress!" are still just as disturbed and more than willing to send BachBach back to Washington. How much would it cost to build a really tall wall around an entire legislative district? I want something heavy and hard to climb between me and those people.

Doktor Zoom September 29, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Mystery semi-solved! I think that THIS is the image that ol' Crazy Eyes reminded me of, even though Bachman's pose and expression aren't really the same at all. Something about the overall air of cray-cray and the odd posture (it occurs to me that the hands are reminiscent of this, too).

Or maybe there's something else….

Calapine September 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I think the Bachmann is suis generis.

Or at least very, very special…

JohnnyBrooklyn September 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Yeah but if she loses, her sitcom on Fox will be even funnier than Palin's.

What?

fishwharf September 30, 2012 at 2:14 am

Tammy Faye Baker/Messner was also born in Minnesota. Michele had much in common with Tammy Faye during the heyday of the PTL Club, but Jim Baker went to prison and Tammy Faye found redemption. Tammy Faye has since become something of a gay icon, and was warmly received at the Castro Theater in San Francisco. Marcus must be so jealous.

menopausemafia September 30, 2012 at 9:11 am

Did you see the study that just came out from a bunch of progressives at a university in California that found republican women look more like women, have features more associated with females, and, although they don't actually say it, are more attractive to both conservatives and progressives. And, conversely, that liberal women have facial features that are less feminine and more ill defined or masculine? This is good data, good study.

Doktor Zoom September 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Aww, we got a brand new troll!

Negropolis September 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Beauty is but skin deep; your stupidity, however, is forever and a day, bless your heart.

glamourdammerung October 1, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Did you see the studies that exist in actual reality that were done at New York University and UCLA about how Republican "brains" are less capable of learning new information and primarily centered on fear as well as lacking the able to correct wrong information and not go off on knee-jerk reactions?

brownrl2 October 1, 2012 at 10:42 am

The thing that I would really love to see is a film crew up go to her district MN and make a documentary of the place!

I mean how can this person get elected by other human beings for anything?

Is her district like a bunch of rabid zoo animals that have escaped? How does she get elected and re-elected…

whatupirondog October 1, 2012 at 7:58 pm

OK, I guess I'll pray for her, but not earnestly! I save the good stuff for wishing death on homosexuals and high school football.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Hey, I once found some acid in my freezer that had traveled from California to Nepal to Singapore and back to California again. It HAD to be at least ten years old.

It was a blast, too.

Biff September 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

That's quite a long way to schlepp a freezer!

I kinda miss acid…

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Very funny, Biffster. (Hugs the Biffz)

How you doin, man? I miss acid too. Good stuff.

bobbert September 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Weirdly, Tommy could pass in some lighting as a "moderate Republican", if we didn't know that the subspecies went extinct 30 years ago.

Ha, JK. He's a fucking dickhead.

Biff October 1, 2012 at 8:43 am

Hi, internet spouse of indeterminate gender/preference!Been busy, working on both getting the hell out of the desert and making it more tolerable, in case I can't leave. Spent 5 days in eastern CA last week, going for another 4 or 5 this week, I'll get back there permanently someday.You OK too?

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