GROSS  2:01 pm September 28, 2012

Judicial Watch Founder/Clinton Nemesis Larry Klayman Might Have Touched His Children In Their Swimsuit Areas

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Stranger dangerWell this is gross and awful. Larry Klayman, who made his bones with Judicial Watch, which was constantly suing Bill Clinton every time he sneezed (with his penis), and who most recently has been writing for WND and representing totally rad heavy metal children’s entertainer Bradlee Dean, may have sexually abused his own children! Ha? Ha? Hilarious?

Specifically, Larry Klayman was appealing a Cuyahoga County court order regarding visitation and his wife’s attorney’s fees, and the court found that previous magistrates had not been in error when they took away his visitation rights and awarded his ex-wife a shitload of money.

From BradleeDeanInfo, via CityPages:

From Appeals Court Judge Mary Boyle, July 26,2012 [PDF]

{¶25} The issues raised by Klayman involve credibility assessments made by the magistrate. Klayman challenges these findings. The magistrate heard evidence from the children’s pediatrician who reported allegations of sexual abuse to children services, and from a social worker at children services who found that sexual abuse was “indicated.” Although the social worker’s finding was later changed to “unsubstantiated” when Klayman appealed, the magistrate explained that the supervisor who changed the social worker’s finding did not testify. The magistrate pointed out that he was obligated to make his own independent analysis based upon the parties and the evidence before him. In doing so, the magistrate found on more than one occasion [Klayman] act[ed] in a grossly inappropriate manner with the children. His conduct may not have been sexual in the sense that he intended to or did derive any sexual pleasure from it or that he intended his children would. That, however, does not mean that he did not engage in those acts or that his behavior was proper.

{¶26} The magistrate further found it significant that although Klayman denied any allegations of sexual abuse, he never denied that he did not engage in inappropriate behavior with the children. The magistrate further found it notable that Klayman, “for all his breast beating about his innocence * * * [he] scrupulously avoided being questioned by anyone from [children services] or from the Sheriff’s Department about the allegations,” and that he refused to answer any questions, repeatedly invoking his Fifth Amendment rights, about whether he inappropriately touched the children. “Even more disturbing” to the magistrate was the fact that Klayman would not even answer the simple question regarding what he thought inappropriate touching was. The magistrate stated that he could draw an adverse inference from Klayman’s decision not to testify to these matters because it was a civil proceeding, not criminal.

This does not mean Larry Klayman is guilty. (Because we are liberals.) There are lots of reasons a man might have touched his children, on the real, and we are not privy to the testimony. Also, if anyone is going to constantly invoke the Fifth Amendment when he has the opportunity to clear his name, it is Larry Klayman, because he is a crazy person. It just means fucking ew.

[BradleeDeanInfo, via CityPages]

 
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{ 156 comments }

Come here a minute September 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Because of course.

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Hey, once them little bastards are out of the womb, they're fair game.

imissopus September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

If they're old enough to crawl they are in the right position.

I'll show myself out.

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I was going to edit and put quotes around that so no one would think that was "me" talking, but you responded and aced me out just in time.

imissopus September 28, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Hey, if we can't make these sorts of disturbing jokes anonymously on Wonkette, where can we make them?

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

We'll go together. I did myself one, good and proper.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Apparently, that's the Republican argument.

Goonemeritus September 28, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I can only hope that he and Bradlee’s sexy-times are consensual.

Nowisallthereis September 28, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I hope they are not. And often.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

fucking ew and then some.

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Cuyahoga County? Isn't that in…. OHIO!?!?!

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

The Heartland and all that, yes.

OzoneTom September 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm

If that is the Cuyahoga River, then I am okay with it catching on fire again.

Just the part under him of course.

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The magistrate further found it significant that although Klayman denied any allegations of sexual abuse, he never denied that he did not engage in inappropriate behavior with the children.

WHAT
THE
ACTUAL
FUCK?

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

An innocent man would have been denying the inappropriate behavior from the rooftops.

Doktor Zoom September 28, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Again, not necessarily evidence of guilt; he refused to "even answer the simple question regarding what he thought inappropriate touching was."That's not necessarily the strategy of a guilty man so much as the strategy of a paranoid (and lawyer) who doesn't want to provide anything that could potentially be used against him because he's certain that the opposition is out to get him.

None of this makes him any less of an asshole in his choice of legal clients, of course.

Mojopo September 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Would it not be in his best interests to clear his name, so his poor kids don't have to hear about this from schoolmates who have Google? Oh, this makes my heart hurt. Those poor kids, either way.

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I know. But, seriously, when did the conservatives ever care about children? I mean, once they are already born.

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I'm trying to think of a joke here, but nope, can't come up with one about this. Ugh fuck people.

Lascauxcaveman September 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm

It's kinda hard to wring the yuks out of incestual sex abuse, real or alleged.

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Now you see, this is why we can't have nice things!

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Show us on the doll where this Dave Thomas (SCTV Thomas) look alike touched you.

Trinket September 28, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Take off, ya hoser!

Lascauxcaveman September 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Bob McKenzie libel, eh!

EarthboneRebel September 28, 2012 at 4:19 pm

For the love of Sean Connery,leave Dave Thomas alone !

weejee September 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Isn't this a couple of daze early for a Cocktober Surprise?

102415 September 29, 2012 at 1:31 pm

All the stores in my neighborhood have the Cocktober decorations on their shelves already.

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm

If you dress all in black, and you aren't an undergraduate or Johnny Cash, then you are a total douche.

SmutBoffin September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I would add "art gallery employee" and "death metal guitarist" to the list.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Undertaker?

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Barista????

montreal_bruin September 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Morrisey?

GregComlish September 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

ninja? stagehand? Blaise chain-smoking affluent woman with great bitch lips?

jqheywood September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

♫♪Je veux seulement oublier, et puis je fume…♪♫

Blueb4sinrise September 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Some people might say that he is dressed inappropriately and thus asking to have a splintered bat shoved into an orifice.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Or a waiter.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:22 pm

STEVE JOBS LIBEL!

Sharkey September 28, 2012 at 2:25 pm

ROY ORBISON LIBEL!

Guppy September 28, 2012 at 3:06 pm

No, pretty sure he qualifies as a douche.

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Ninja??

James Michael Curley September 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Hey! I resemble that remark!

James Michael Curley,
Director
Funerals Done Dirt Cheap, Inc.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I've seen your ads! "Tag 'em and Bag 'em and Throw Them In The Trash" right?

James Michael Curley September 28, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Only if the East River is more than two blocks awau.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Oh, right – the ads that begin: "Not loved that much…?"

fuflans September 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm

also: stage manager.

i would say 'mime' but i'm not sure they only wear black and they are may be douches.

Serolf_Divad September 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Doesn't that new papyrus they discovered say that Jesus was OK with this? Because I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere… maybe on the Judicial Watch website.

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 2:29 pm

If it's true (and, who are we kidding here), I'm thinking a mill stone around the neck is just about right.

mavenmaven September 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Robert Novak's calling Klayman "a prickly troublemaker" was more on target than he knew…

Callyson September 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Can't snark when it comes to child abuse. I just hope the ex-wife gets herself and the kids a good therapist with that shitload of money, and that they find a way to heal somehow…

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Yeah. My humor just turns to hate.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

…and a restraining order in case he doesn't go to jail.

CalvinsChoice September 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Somehow, this is all Bill Clinton's fault.

Serolf_Divad September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Well, he can always pull a Newt Gingrich and say that it was love of country that made him molest his own kids.

HogeyeGrex September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Anything to do with a penis is Clinton's fault, silly liberal.

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I would have thought Obama's.

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Well, he was the first one in history to engage in sex with someone other that his wife, hence, leading us down the path to depravity.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Now, show us on the Republican elephant where the bad man touched you, son

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:12 pm

There are lots of reasons a man might have touched his children, on the real, and we are not privy to the testimony.

Yes. For example, there might have been a black widow spider on his penis. Or perhaps a vampire. Or a black vampire. Or a spider widow. Don't Praying Mantis eat their men?

ThankYouJeebus September 28, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

SmutBoffin September 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

:^(

This is good news……FOR NO ONE

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Hey, Larry, I do not think the saying goes "Spare the bone, spoil the child."

I'm just sayin'…

ManchuCandidate September 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The answer to the question: Who Watches the Watchers?

It's Pedobear… it's always been Pedobear.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Watching the Dick-tectives.

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

He's a too-ool.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

As a father of two kids….FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS FUCKING FUCK UP THE FUCKING FUCK HOLE WITH FUCKING RUSTY CHAINSAWS!!!!!!

*with votes*

Geminisunmars September 28, 2012 at 2:22 pm

In this case, votes not required.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 2:26 pm

(my previous comment is 100% snark free)

jqheywood September 28, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Amen. From the father of two kids as well…

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:20 pm

As a father of four kids – I hope she took every cent he's ever made or is going to make, and someone lights his cardboard box on fire with him in it….

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Consensus agrees, we can do without votes this time.

WhatTheHolyHeck September 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Every time I feel guilty for (my mother's sake) that I've completely cut off all contact with my own sexually abusive father, seeing your reaction to this kind of story makes me feel a whole lot better about my decision. Thanks.

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

This must have been some pretty inappropriate touching if the children's pediatrician is the person who reported it.

Steverino247 September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Yup. That's my professional experience with such matters. Although, some doctors report everything to cover their asses, which leads to real confusion elsewhere. There's no more shitty cases than child custody cases, my friends.

mrblifil September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Yeah I can't imagine what it would take to set off that alarm short of bleeding orifices. Or maybe she got a look at Dad's whole vibe and thought "uh-oh." Kind of a no-brainer when you think about it.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It could have just been a really bad bruise from a spanking.

And dildoeing.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The kids fell and hit a doorknob….down…there.

WABishop September 28, 2012 at 3:12 pm

One in a million shot, doc.

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

He should have to post a sign on all of his WND and Judicial Watch posts:

SEXUAL PREDATOR

Barrelhse September 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Best to leave out the "INCESTUOUS". He'd only appeal to that many more wingnuts.

coolhandnuke September 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Just a reminder to kids and adults everywhere–steer clear of Republicans wearing Members Only jackets. Or any member of the Republican party.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Especially Republican's members….

noodlesalad September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

This is when I say fuck it and turn off the internets and find the nearest alcoholic beverage. Usually it happens earlier but I actually had shit to do today. But not anymore.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

In doing so, the magistrate found on more than one occasion [Klayman] act[ed] in a grossly inappropriate manner with the children.

*GASP*

He expressed his political opinions????

GUILLOTINE!

MaxNeanderthal September 28, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Doesn't mean he's guilty??? Fuck that. Nail 'im up!

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 2:15 pm

"children’s entertainer Bradlee Dean"

Linkey is brokey.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 2:22 pm

So much douche baggery.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I'll sort of follow Dean over the weekend to see if he says anything about this

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

More than his feet are made of Klay, eh?

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Maybe Ken Starr can get to the bottom of this with 7 or 8 years of investigation and a budget between $75 and $100 million.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

" he refused to answer any questions, repeatedly invoking his Fifth Amendment rights, about whether he inappropriately touched the children."

Good Lord. He's like Sandusky with a big more legal savvy.

Hammiepants September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Ugh, such hypocrites these people are. Clinton has extra-marital but consensual sex, he's a depraved monster, this dude apparently felt up his own kids, and he's calling people out on their sexual proclivities. Fucking republicans.

Serolf_Divad September 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Bill Donohue blames Klayman's gayness in 5… 4… 3…

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Bill Donohue is currently taking the gas pipe as Obama is ahead with Catholics, including white Catholics. Might make him wonder who his Catholic League represents. No, that would require self awareness.

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Future Avignon Pope of the American Southern strain of Anti-Papist Protestantism, Tim Dolan?

Timmy D & Billy D need to admit their apostasy & leave the Church & convert to the Redneck Biblebleaters that they have always been.

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I was thinking the same thing.

But Bill has a new art gallery showing so…

HogeyeGrex September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Ah, the loudmouthed Republican fringe. Taking the moral high ground as always, I see.

Seriously. Fuck this guy.

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I thought only gays molested children.

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You do the math.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Isn't that why gays want to marry? So they can molest children?

kittensdontlie September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"Larry Klayman is a prickly troublemaker uncongenial to party and ideological establishment." The late Robert Novak, columnist.

He was more prickly than anyone ever knew.

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Takes one to know one….Glad he's bunking with Breitbart.

DaveJ September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

The more conservative a person is, the more rank and horrific will be the thing that eventually brings them down. Pretty much a guaranteed fact of life at this point.

Also "and that he refused to answer any questions, repeatedly invoking his Fifth Amendment rights, about whether he inappropriately touched the children" is deeply disturbing. If the answer is "no," then why not say "no." If the answer is ANYTHING other than "no," then let's fire up the wood chipper.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I feel bad for his kids. But people obsessed with other peoples' sex lives send up a red flag right away. Now about that Ken Starr fellow…

Antispandex September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Of course it's only bad when lierals do it, hippies! You remember when a certain portly conservative talker was caught with illegal prescrition meds, and then was later busted on a return trip from an apparent sex-cation? That is perfectly acceptable behavior because he wasn't an ELECTED official. See, where you screwed up there? Morals are for elected persons, and when they are caught, you need to check for their party affiliation. (R) = Unsubstantiated rumor. (D) = Impeachable offense. It couldn't be more logical.

lulzmonger September 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Surely noone could have predicted there would be a link between conservativism & pedophilia!

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 2:47 pm
mrblifil September 28, 2012 at 2:21 pm

They were there, he was horny. This is for the emergency room to sort out surely.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 28, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Gay marriage is to blame for this.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Wait. He married Bradley Dean????

cheetojeebus September 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm

so stabby, so very very stabby right now.

also ball punchy.

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"Larry Klayman, who made his bones with Judicial Watch, which was constantly suing Bill Clinton every time he sneezed (with his penis),"

Hey Larry, at least my "victims" were all consensual and of legal age in all 50 states. And not related to me.
—Bill Clinton

Steverino247 September 28, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Not to mention the fact they all reached orgasm.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:33 pm

If my bloated memory serves, Monica was only upset that "the creep" wouldn't call her…

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 6:17 pm

"And I do mean ALL 50 States. Plus most Territories."

SoBeach September 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

…Klayman would not even answer the simple question regarding what he thought inappropriate touching was.

As a parent I can tell you that's about the easiest goddam question in the world to answer.

Ew indeed.

bureaucrap September 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let someone in the Romney campaign hire Klayman to do an endorsement spot…

Terry September 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

That photo was taken at one of the overlooks at Great Falls Park, just north of DC. I plan on driving there immediately and pouring bleach on the spot.

sullivanst September 28, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Disgusting pig is pig, and disgusting… allegedly.

ChillBill September 28, 2012 at 2:29 pm

No snark. Disgusting to the nth degree.

Kid_Charlemagne September 28, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Republicans striking another blow for family values!

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 2:44 pm

It's just me, right? It's just me?

I read that as "stroking." I'm sick, I know. I'll get help.

redarmyzombie September 28, 2012 at 3:28 pm

It's not you, MittBorg; it's the Conservatards.

Allegations of an Obama conspiracy in 5…4…3…

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm

You keep using those words. I don't think it means the same thing as they (some Republicans) think it means.

decentcitizen September 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm

This is so disturbing I can't even gloat.

ElPinche September 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Ug…I had a commented loaded and ready but I refrain. Sick ass fuck.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Put the safety on that bud. You wouldn't want to inadvertantly pull the…that thing we can't say.

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Roy Roger's horse?…

Steverino247 September 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Sexual abuse allegations are the nuclear weapons of contested child custody matters.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm

At the height of our divorce, it was quite heated. I always worried she might pull this on me. So, I lived in fear until things calmed down. Now we can consider ourselves sorta friends. Thanks Dog!

Steverino247 September 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The really shitty cases you hear about all the time are actually more rare than most people think. The better you get along, the easier it is on the kids, but a lot of people don't get that right away.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Oh, I do understand that. I took a lot of crap just to make sure we at least looked united in front of the daughter.

MittBorg September 28, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Jeezus. This makes me so sick. The poor poor kids. I want to go indulge in fantasies of doing horrible things to this horrible man now.

FNMA September 28, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Thank Jeebus it's not too early to start drinking.

emmelemm September 28, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I find this genuinely impossible to masturbate to.

Nostrildamus September 28, 2012 at 2:46 pm

We have our 2016 GOP nominee !!!

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 2:46 pm

You had me at "writing for WND." Ew to infinity.

HobbesEvilTwin September 28, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Frankly I am shocked to hear that a worthless douchebag republican asshole who became "famous" because of the Clenis would have any unusual sexual proclivities.
Oh, and fuck you you sick fuck

iTuna September 28, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hey everybody. Don't fuck kids.

rickmaci September 28, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Excuse me for a few minutes. I need to go pour bleach in my eyes for having read this story.

barto September 28, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Throw him in the river and light it on fire. If he sinks, he's innocent.

Guppy September 28, 2012 at 3:14 pm

representing totally rad heavy metal children’s entertainer Bradlee Dean

So tempted to blame this on Minnesota Forward…

Toomush_Infer September 28, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Hey, I'm thinking Ayn Rand….

Guppy September 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

How does she figure into the Six Degrees of Money Laundering?

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 6:19 pm

All of them, Katie. Pick a degree, she's there.

old_blu September 28, 2012 at 3:28 pm

A little game of peepee touch? You puke.

ChrisM2011 September 28, 2012 at 4:06 pm

If he was running for office and this got out, his donations would probably have doubled. "Typical liberal smears!!"

LibrarianX September 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Note to Larry: your look (aging rock star) is totally not working.

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Bad person is bad in unexpectedly horrible ways. Sad IceCreamEmpress is sad for those children.

docterry6973 September 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I would much prefer that he were allegedly caught with a Lady (or Rentboy) of Ill Repute, because I could enjoy such schadenfreude while snarking about his alleged misconduct. Not this.

Brett_Bakes September 28, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You know who else wore tight black jeans? “Now, who could it be? Could it be … SATAN?”
Or this self-loather.

DahBoner September 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Fifth Amendment Rights

Whaaaat?

This is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

Not that a Republican is a child molester.

No.

That he could count up to five, huh???

horsedreamer_1 September 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

One, two, three, four…. FIF!!!!!!!!!

gurukalehuru September 29, 2012 at 10:51 am

Doesn't Romney have money in Klayman's Islands?

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Oh, he's guilty all right. This slimy little toad actually sued his own mother….Look it up.

CivicHoliday September 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Here is the only rule you need to know Larry: if you aren't changing a diaper or giving a bath, DON'T TOUCH THOSE PARTS

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