THE PROFESSOR AND MARY ANNE  10:40 am September 28, 2012

Scott Brown: Did I Mention Elizabeth Warren Said She Is Indian?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has a second ad out accusing Elizabeth Warren of being totally Indian or something — we can’t remember quite what the accusation is since we’re still a little gobsmacked that in The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twelve, someone in the US of A is specifically running a campaign based on someone’s skin color with his own mouth instead of, like, Teabagger signs and anonymous robocalls. There must be some kind of polling showing that this attack is working, right? Somewhere? Because otherwise, continuing to beat the issue when the only person it’s hurting is you … well, that would be something Scott Brown would do probably! (WHAT WE ARE SAYING IS HE IS NOT VERY BRIGHT.)

Anyway, Scott Brown found like five people to say they are mad at Elizabeth Warren for being a total lying liar who got “caught.” (She did not get caught.) (Only Scott Brown’s staffers “got caught.”) And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers, especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife.

 
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{ 144 comments }

no_gravity September 28, 2012 at 10:43 am

Way to beat a dead crazy horse.

ManchuCandidate September 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

When he asked his campaign staffers whether or not they should go with this, they all jumped up and screamed "Geronimo!!!!"

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

Cher and Cher alike, huh?

MistaEko September 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

The stuff coming from that guy's mouth can only be produced by a Shitting Bull.

ProgressiveInga September 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

HOW are they getting away with this? HOW!?!

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 11:46 am

If Scott could turn back time, if he could find a way, would he take back those words that hurt her?

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

The quintessence of fratboy stank.

sullivanst September 28, 2012 at 12:50 pm

But Ralph Molina and Billy Talbot are still alive…

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 10:43 am

What an asshole! Ugh, I am thinking about going back to bed for the rest of the day with a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

Chocolate Chippewa?

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

Oh no, you DIDN'T! That is the funniest damn thing ever. I will slather you in p-points and smile. Thanks!

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

Aw, shucks. It came to me in a spirit vision. Thank you.

valgal2342 September 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

It's foggy and gloomy here today so that sounds like a great idea! Soft bed, good book, ice cream! Oh well, back to pulling wallpaper off and washing down walls since my outdoor photo shoot got rescheduled.
Oh, and Scott Brown is not just an asshole, he's a stupid asshole.

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 11:04 am

Val, it is gloomy here today. I hope your day gets better.
Gonna go and grab me a towel.

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

That sounds like a great idea. I might throw my furbabies in the bed to snuggle with me, too.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Try the Strawberry Cheesecake.

'Tis to die for …

Barbara_ September 28, 2012 at 11:28 am

Someone said they came out with Peanut Brittle. Must have it.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 10:43 am

Scott's poll numbers are also Indians. They're part of the Fukawi tribe, as in "Where the Fukawi?"

no_gravity September 28, 2012 at 10:52 am

F-Troop libel.

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I wish that were true. He may be snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with this nonsense—I hope he is—but right now my hope is that the Republicans in Massachusetts will just stay home out of their hatred for Mittens, and that Warren will cruise in on Bammerz's coattails.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 10:43 am

I'm trying to decide if Brown's campaign really feels that this is all they "have" on Warren or are they that flippin' stupid. I guess he can't run on his record, though, really.

noodlesalad September 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

I've heard they are also going to go with the "by the way, Elizabeth Warren is a smart woman who occasionally speaks her mind" attack, just to ensure they have the dumb white male vote locked down.

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

Hell, during that debate he kept calling her "professor" in a tone that made it clear he meant it as an insult. How fucking willfully stupid do you have to be to consider "professor' an insult and not a compliment?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

Republican?

noodlesalad September 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

That drove me fucking crazy. I was all set to begrudgingly maybe think the guy was a halfway decent person, being a new resident of the Bay State and having heard rumors of his moderate-ness and friendly-ish-ness but, my god, what an enormous jackass.

weejee September 28, 2012 at 11:02 am

Is Brownie working on some subtle factoid here? Like has he got some inside scoop (Ben & Jerry's, obvs) on how many pre-frontal lobotomies were performed this year in Massachoosetts

delaney_blom September 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

She's almost as bad as that damned egghead Adlai Stevenson

HobbesEvilTwin September 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

Who is Rick Santorum, Alex?

BerkeleyBear September 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

Not only that but making it out like professors at a school with a huge endowment are somehow parasites because they make good money and students who go to DeVry have to take out massive loans they can't pay back. The man was trying his damndest to turn a string of non-sequiters and crypto-insults into a string of pearls.

delaney_blom September 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

That is a key demographic in Massachusetts.

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm

The dumb white man demo is key everywhere.

MacRaith September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

He's actually trying to run as a Democrat. He has a lot of ads with assorted people saying "I'm a Democrat, and I support Scott Brown", and a few more of Brown himself saying "My first vote in the Senate was for a Democratic jobs bill." The R-word is never mentioned in any of his ads.

Terry September 28, 2012 at 10:51 am

Funny how people aren't embracing the tea baggers they way they did a couple years ago.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

Didn't he do that the first time around? [No R-word in ads or on posters.] Also, too.

MacRaith September 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

Don't know, I wasn't living in Massachusetts then. It wouldn't surprise me, though.

By the way, if Obama happens to lose North Carolina by two votes or less, my wife and I will abjectly apologize for moving before the election. I honestly feel a little guilty about that. But in the long run, I think our votes are better spent on Warren in Massachusetts, because Obama can probably lose NC and still win the election, and he'll need Warren in the Senate.

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Yep.

His posters and yard signs are always blue, too, both this time and last time.

Nobody ever runs on being a Republican in Massachusetts, except when they're running for governor and then it's all "You need a Republican to balance out the 90% Democratic state legislature" and I admit I fell for that with Bill Weld BUT NEVER AGAIN.

Veritas78 September 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Would you really have wanted John Silber (who died like yesterday, so now I can go piss on his grave)?

SoBeach September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

It's not all they have. He drives a pick-up truck. Ha! Forgot about that one, didn't you?

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

Too bad it's not a Pontiac.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

Chieftain?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

Well, when your debate starts off with "40 years ago you checked the wrong box on a college application form, professor.", ya got nothin.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

Coming next week:

She used to be more ladylike.

BornInATrailer September 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

Why not just bribe her to drop out with a box of paddle balls?

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 10:47 am

Beads. Wampum. We bought an entire city with that shit. He should be able to swindle his seat back.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

Firewater! You got Jack?! Sure, take that freakin' island!

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

I'm OUT!!

Where's my balls?

Generation[redacted] September 28, 2012 at 11:58 am

These things are defective!

MacRaith September 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

There are a couple of lines in that ad that are just deliciously ironic: "When you get caught, you need to come clean," and "We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything. Don't need one more."

That's true, we don't. So don't vote for Brown. Or Romney, while you're at it.

freakishlywrong September 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

Injuns are brown, so yeah, duh, with some Massholes this is probably a wiener.

noodlesalad September 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

Scott Brown is fearlessly shedding the "potentially likeable moderate dumbass" candy shell to reveal his "abrasive, stupid conservative asshole" nougat center. Hey, it's working for RMoney, right? Right?

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 10:47 am

Does he know that these ads cost as much money as ads that actually convey information?

ahnc September 28, 2012 at 10:47 am

Well, at least Brown wrapped up the "Indian" vote for Warren.

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 12:31 pm

And the casino-goers vote, too…

BaldarTFlagass September 28, 2012 at 10:47 am

Since when do Republicans give a fuck if a candidate is a liar? They certainly don't seem to give a shit when it's one of their candidates.

Mike_HeXt September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Its a Karl Rove Tactic taught by his padiwan Jim Barnett.

ManchuCandidate September 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

Boy, Scott Brown's face is going to be red.

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

Well he had a little pale face.

Esteev September 28, 2012 at 12:00 pm

He'll be scratching his scalp, wondering how he lost, no doubt.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

"We already have enough people in Washington who will say anything, don't need one more."

That last line's a ZINGER, they should emphasize it with a tomahawk chop and some war whoops.

miss_grundy September 28, 2012 at 12:32 pm

It might be mistaken for a Florida State Seminoles thing, though…..

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Wait, this is an ad FOR Brown?

johnnyzhivago September 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

Paleface Scott Brown in heep-o shit.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Circle the wagons!

BornInATrailer September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

Careful, Scotty. Too much focus could backfire. Just think what an October surprise in the form of genealogical documentation of her Cherokee ancestry would do.

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

And to think, Brown had a reputation as one of the more reasonable Republicans; but now he's gone full racist and blown that.

mavenmaven September 28, 2012 at 10:51 am

The last line in the ad should go over well with the Romney-Ryan campaign: "we already have enough people in Washington willing to say anything"

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 10:51 am

Even the dogs are like, dude, everyone can hear that whistle.

Maman September 28, 2012 at 10:52 am

I'm Scott Brown and I have nothing positive to add to the election dialogue.

Baconzgood September 28, 2012 at 10:52 am

Cool that he hired Lex Luther for the ad.

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

Well he does have another two years until he has to run for reelection as the Governor of Florida.

PsycWench September 28, 2012 at 10:52 am

"And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers"

Wonder how many Scott Brown staffers were asked and got "um, no, I'm pretty camera-shy, you better ask someone else, look over there!"

ifthethunderdontgetya September 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

She's going to scalp him in November.
~

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 11:10 am

With tomahawks votes.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

It's time to bury the hatchet. With votes.

Yellerdawg September 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

<New Scott Brown Ad>

"Professor Warren's release of her plan to bring jobs and prosperity to Massachusetts is just her latest attempt to distract voters from her race. Vote Scott Brown! No plan, but I know what color I am."

Chow Yun Flat September 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

People are beginning to have reservations about Scott Brown.

YouFail4eva September 28, 2012 at 11:53 am

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

This is a trail that will not end well.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 10:54 am

Whether it's centerfolds or elections, it's always about Scott Brown's Little Bighorn, isn't it?

Beowoof September 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Hey is a republican who let his freak flag fly in hot pink, hot pants. http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2010/02/sc

Freewayblogger September 28, 2012 at 10:54 am

"And furthermore, my opponent was born in the wagon of traveling show and her mother used to dance for the money they'd throw!"

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

Brown is a stain on Massachusetts.

Hera Sent Me September 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

How could the guy who seemed like a natural campaigner in 2010 be reduced to running on the slogan "She don't look Injun to me" in 2012?

Maybe Teabaggers are right. DC rots your brain.

Incitefully_Joe September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers, especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife.

But especially that fourth guy, who looks like Scott Brown personally dressed him this morning.

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

Mary Anne always gets my vote.

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

What about Lovey, Mr. Howell?

Mittens Howell, III September 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

Apparently, during my coconut daiquiri blackouts there's enough of me to go round.

Peckerwood_Pete September 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

Cmon Wonkette…… your starting to publish more stories on Scott Brown/Elizabeth Warren than Yahoo News publishes on the Kardashians!

YouFail4eva September 28, 2012 at 11:53 am

So, not that much, huh? Wonkette, step up the number of stories!

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 10:57 am

Yes, as all white men know, you really can't trust those fuckin' Indians.

Wait, strike that. Reverse it. Elizabeth Warren is saying you should not trust white men.

SorosBot September 28, 2012 at 10:58 am

Just calling something a lie doesn't make it not true; Warren is part native American, and so claiming she "lied and got caught" is a complete lie because she was telling the truth, you idiot Brown, you lying liar who lies about lying.

UnholyMoses September 28, 2012 at 10:58 am

Sitting Bullshit.

bflrtsplk September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

Slightly OT, but did this Brownie ever succeed in marrying off those two daughters?

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

And what's he asking these days?

belmontreport September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

If this works, I get to just give up, right? Like sweatpants everyday, cookie dough and wine for breakfast, watching Buffy episodes on Netflix instead of having relationships kind of give up. I feel closer to that every single day.

KeepFnThatChicken September 28, 2012 at 11:04 am

I live for buying wine now. That is not the sign of surrender.

MistaEko September 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

Steve McQueen. Steve. Fucking. McQueen.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060748/

Jus_Wonderin September 28, 2012 at 11:00 am

Maybe I am not tuned in, but this is just silly. Really, really silly. Scott Brown, shame on you!!! Go away!

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

Pretty ironic accusation coming from a guy who was a full-blooded teabagger two years ago and probably isn't even 1/16 that now.

HobbesEvilTwin September 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

Show us the long-form Dawes Roll!

elviouslyqueer September 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

Man, but that ad is one heap-big collection of angry and homely.

Mike_HeXt September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

and white.

Joshua Norton September 28, 2012 at 11:02 am

Cut. Print. Oscar.

johnnyzhivago September 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

And this is coming from someone who did a Calvin Klein commercial with Brooke Shields.

chicken_thief September 28, 2012 at 11:04 am

"…especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife. "

Scott prolly knows this is happening, and in fact, participates. Some have reported that there is role playing with the wifey dressed in gingham, being "raped" by the bad injun staffer and cowboy Scott comes to the rescue. But just a little late…. Cause money shot.

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

Schmannnity September 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

He hasn't denied that or that both daughters are squaws to Chief Screaming Cock.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

Wait, Elizabeth Warren says she's Native American just because she has Native American ancestors? But that would be like my mixed race children claiming their dad is asian or something! (NB: they don't look asian.)

Katydid September 28, 2012 at 11:59 am

But what are their SAT scores? Henghh?

IceCreamEmpress September 28, 2012 at 12:46 pm

She said she was Native because that was her family lore. She actually doesn't know which of her ancestors were Native.

I mean, yeah, Scott Brown is an asshole, but I think people are kind of missing the point of his ads. He's not saying "Don't vote for Elizabeth Warren because she's Native"; he's saying "Don't vote for Elizabeth Warren because she's Pretendian."

Which is a pretty dick move in my opinion, because she was operating in good faith if on limited information with all that stuff. Also every white person in Massachusetts firmly believes they have an Indian Princess ancestor in their heritage way far back (and lots of the black people actually are eligible for tribal affiliation with the various Wampanoags and Pequots and other Native groups), so I think it's a pretty dumbass strategy.

The white people of Massachusetts have a sentimental attachment to local Native nations, because they were polite enough to die off in large enough numbers so that they had to stop killing us by the turn of the 19th century, and also Squanto and the first Thanksgiving, and casinos. The average Scott Brown voter thinks casinos are awesome, and feels a deep spiritual kinship with Native culture from his days as a Webelo. This is not a wise strategy.

barto September 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

One has to commend Scott for running on the, I mean his, issues.

Aridzona September 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

Is Elizabeth Warren part Indian? Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?

weejee September 28, 2012 at 11:10 am

Brownie moves on to Warren being behind the Chupacabras sucking the souls of all the Bay State goats in 3, 2, 1

Not_So_Much September 28, 2012 at 11:11 am

I bet he emphasizes the "B" when he pronounces the word 'subtle'.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:52 am

I once saw a furrin' movie what had English subtleties.

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 11:11 am

Sometimes the magic works, but this is just fucked up.

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

Perhaps Scott thinks that if he keeps beating a dead horse something, something.

But you can lead a dead horse to water but you can't make it vote…..(unless it is registered by Nathan Sproul)

MacRaith September 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

If you lead a horse to water and shove a hose down its throat, can you make it drink?

Brown: "Yeah. I've tried it."

(With apologies to Scott Adams.)

MosesInvests September 28, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Man Afraid Of His Dead Horses.

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Man Who Beats Dead Horses, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

An_Outhouse September 28, 2012 at 11:17 am

c'mon. She has a red dot on her forehead. How does she explain that?

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 11:31 am

Tides go in, Tides go out. You just can't explain that.

BerkeleyBear September 28, 2012 at 11:33 am

Teabagger with a laser pointer?

FlownOver September 28, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Or gunsight.

Abernathy September 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

"We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything."

What do you mean "we," white man?

(Although, yeah, I think this guy was actually talking about Scott Brown.)

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:24 am

Maybe it's the chemo. Sabe?

LibertyLover September 28, 2012 at 11:19 am

Here, Scott… Try to grasp this straw. Nope, try again. You missed it again. Try again… dang, you're not very good at this are you?

An_Outhouse September 28, 2012 at 11:21 am

Scalping your opponent is not very lady like.

Abernathy September 28, 2012 at 11:32 am

But during a legitimate scalping, won't the male's head reject the ripping of flesh and remain intact?

Boojum September 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I don't know, but if Scott is willing, we could find out.

slowhansolo September 28, 2012 at 11:23 am

This campaign season will determine, in large part, whether I ever bother voting again. With votes.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

Voter Freud?

SpeedoFart September 28, 2012 at 11:27 am

Jesus Christ. What the hell happened to MA? Am I the only one wishing for Zombie Ted Kennedy?

decentcitizen September 28, 2012 at 12:04 pm

You know this is the silliest political ad I think I've ever seen. I think it's trying at the same time to harness white anxiety about affirmative action while taking the contradicting positions that Warren is Indian but also she lied about being Indian to gain some kind of advantage. (Disclosure: decentcitizen is part Indian and also from OK- there is no advantage to being Indian). Whatever imagined advantage you get from being Indian is more than offset by the real discrimination you experience from being Indian. BTW, actual Indians refer to themselves as Indian, not Native Americans.

En_Buenora September 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Clearly she's not.

OneYieldRegular September 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

"Massachusetts" – what the hell kind of word is that anyway?

mr bojangles September 28, 2012 at 3:06 pm

ad very impressive, made me change my mind, will now vote for the man.

Mike_HeXt September 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Wow the people in this ad clean up well.

BZ1 September 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything…" Projection much??

Doyle_Hargraves September 29, 2012 at 7:54 am

It'd be kinda funny if it wasn't on every five minutes during my nightly syndicated Family Guy bender. Thanks CW-Boston.

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 11:45 am

Weak chin? Check. Skin beard? Check. Pasty complexion? Check. Bad teeth? Check? Cheap hair-cut? Check. Sold-out soul? Check. This one will go far, my friend….

actor212 September 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

I see what you did there.

eggsacklywright September 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

Ugh.

BerkeleyBear September 28, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'd say Brown is going to eat Crow, but I'm afraid he'd develop a taste for human flesh.

Lascauxcaveman September 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I really Hopi this swings the polls further toward Warren. This could be the Seminole moment of Brown's final undoing.

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