Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has a second ad out accusing Elizabeth Warren of being totally Indian or something — we can’t remember quite what the accusation is since we’re still a little gobsmacked that in The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twelve, someone in the US of A is specifically running a campaign based on someone’s skin color with his own mouth instead of, like, Teabagger signs and anonymous robocalls. There must be some kind of polling showing that this attack is working, right? Somewhere? Because otherwise, continuing to beat the issue when the only person it’s hurting is you … well, that would be something Scott Brown would do probably! (WHAT WE ARE SAYING IS HE IS NOT VERY BRIGHT.)

Anyway, Scott Brown found like five people to say they are mad at Elizabeth Warren for being a total lying liar who got “caught.” (She did not get caught.) (Only Scott Brown’s staffers “got caught.”) And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers, especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife.

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  • no_gravity

    Way to beat a dead crazy horse.

    • When he asked his campaign staffers whether or not they should go with this, they all jumped up and screamed "Geronimo!!!!"

      • Cher and Cher alike, huh?

        • MistaEko

          The stuff coming from that guy's mouth can only be produced by a Shitting Bull.

          • ProgressiveInga

            HOW are they getting away with this? HOW!?!

          • I see what you did there.

          • eggsacklywright


          • BerkeleyBear

            I'd say Brown is going to eat Crow, but I'm afraid he'd develop a taste for human flesh.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I really Hopi this swings the polls further toward Warren. This could be the Seminole moment of Brown's final undoing.

        • SorosBot

          If Scott could turn back time, if he could find a way, would he take back those words that hurt her?

    • eggsacklywright

      The quintessence of fratboy stank.

    • sullivanst

      But Ralph Molina and Billy Talbot are still alive…

  • Barbara_

    What an asshole! Ugh, I am thinking about going back to bed for the rest of the day with a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

    • eggsacklywright

      Chocolate Chippewa?

      • Barbara_

        Oh no, you DIDN'T! That is the funniest damn thing ever. I will slather you in p-points and smile. Thanks!

        • eggsacklywright

          Aw, shucks. It came to me in a spirit vision. Thank you.

    • valgal2342

      It's foggy and gloomy here today so that sounds like a great idea! Soft bed, good book, ice cream! Oh well, back to pulling wallpaper off and washing down walls since my outdoor photo shoot got rescheduled.
      Oh, and Scott Brown is not just an asshole, he's a stupid asshole.

      • Barbara_

        Val, it is gloomy here today. I hope your day gets better.
        Gonna go and grab me a towel.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That sounds like a great idea. I might throw my furbabies in the bed to snuggle with me, too.

    • UnholyMoses

      Try the Strawberry Cheesecake.

      'Tis to die for …

      • Barbara_

        Someone said they came out with Peanut Brittle. Must have it.

  • Scott's poll numbers are also Indians. They're part of the Fukawi tribe, as in "Where the Fukawi?"

    • no_gravity

      F-Troop libel.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      I wish that were true. He may be snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with this nonsense—I hope he is—but right now my hope is that the Republicans in Massachusetts will just stay home out of their hatred for Mittens, and that Warren will cruise in on Bammerz's coattails.

  • Terry

    I'm trying to decide if Brown's campaign really feels that this is all they "have" on Warren or are they that flippin' stupid. I guess he can't run on his record, though, really.

    • noodlesalad

      I've heard they are also going to go with the "by the way, Elizabeth Warren is a smart woman who occasionally speaks her mind" attack, just to ensure they have the dumb white male vote locked down.

      • SorosBot

        Hell, during that debate he kept calling her "professor" in a tone that made it clear he meant it as an insult. How fucking willfully stupid do you have to be to consider "professor' an insult and not a compliment?

        • Republican?

        • noodlesalad

          That drove me fucking crazy. I was all set to begrudgingly maybe think the guy was a halfway decent person, being a new resident of the Bay State and having heard rumors of his moderate-ness and friendly-ish-ness but, my god, what an enormous jackass.

        • Is Brownie working on some subtle factoid here? Like has he got some inside scoop (Ben & Jerry's, obvs) on how many pre-frontal lobotomies were performed this year in Massachoosetts

        • delaney_blom

          She's almost as bad as that damned egghead Adlai Stevenson

        • HobbesEvilTwin

          Who is Rick Santorum, Alex?

        • BerkeleyBear

          Not only that but making it out like professors at a school with a huge endowment are somehow parasites because they make good money and students who go to DeVry have to take out massive loans they can't pay back. The man was trying his damndest to turn a string of non-sequiters and crypto-insults into a string of pearls.

      • delaney_blom

        That is a key demographic in Massachusetts.

        • IceCreamEmpress

          The dumb white man demo is key everywhere.

    • MacRaith

      He's actually trying to run as a Democrat. He has a lot of ads with assorted people saying "I'm a Democrat, and I support Scott Brown", and a few more of Brown himself saying "My first vote in the Senate was for a Democratic jobs bill." The R-word is never mentioned in any of his ads.

      • Terry

        Funny how people aren't embracing the tea baggers they way they did a couple years ago.

      • chicken_thief

        Didn't he do that the first time around? [No R-word in ads or on posters.] Also, too.

        • MacRaith

          Don't know, I wasn't living in Massachusetts then. It wouldn't surprise me, though.

          By the way, if Obama happens to lose North Carolina by two votes or less, my wife and I will abjectly apologize for moving before the election. I honestly feel a little guilty about that. But in the long run, I think our votes are better spent on Warren in Massachusetts, because Obama can probably lose NC and still win the election, and he'll need Warren in the Senate.

        • IceCreamEmpress


          His posters and yard signs are always blue, too, both this time and last time.

          Nobody ever runs on being a Republican in Massachusetts, except when they're running for governor and then it's all "You need a Republican to balance out the 90% Democratic state legislature" and I admit I fell for that with Bill Weld BUT NEVER AGAIN.

          • Veritas78

            Would you really have wanted John Silber (who died like yesterday, so now I can go piss on his grave)?

    • SoBeach

      It's not all they have. He drives a pick-up truck. Ha! Forgot about that one, didn't you?

      • eggsacklywright

        Too bad it's not a Pontiac.

        • chicken_thief


    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Well, when your debate starts off with "40 years ago you checked the wrong box on a college application form, professor.", ya got nothin.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Coming next week:

      She used to be more ladylike.

  • BornInATrailer

    Why not just bribe her to drop out with a box of paddle balls?

    • Beads. Wampum. We bought an entire city with that shit. He should be able to swindle his seat back.

    • chicken_thief

      Firewater! You got Jack?! Sure, take that freakin' island!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I'm OUT!!

      Where's my balls?

    • Generation[redacted]

      These things are defective!

  • MacRaith

    There are a couple of lines in that ad that are just deliciously ironic: "When you get caught, you need to come clean," and "We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything. Don't need one more."

    That's true, we don't. So don't vote for Brown. Or Romney, while you're at it.

  • freakishlywrong

    Injuns are brown, so yeah, duh, with some Massholes this is probably a wiener.

  • noodlesalad

    Scott Brown is fearlessly shedding the "potentially likeable moderate dumbass" candy shell to reveal his "abrasive, stupid conservative asshole" nougat center. Hey, it's working for RMoney, right? Right?

  • PsycWench

    Does he know that these ads cost as much money as ads that actually convey information?

  • ahnc

    Well, at least Brown wrapped up the "Indian" vote for Warren.

    • miss_grundy

      And the casino-goers vote, too…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Since when do Republicans give a fuck if a candidate is a liar? They certainly don't seem to give a shit when it's one of their candidates.

    • Mike_HeXt

      Its a Karl Rove Tactic taught by his padiwan Jim Barnett.

  • Boy, Scott Brown's face is going to be red.

    • Well he had a little pale face.

    • Esteev

      He'll be scratching his scalp, wondering how he lost, no doubt.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "We already have enough people in Washington who will say anything, don't need one more."

    That last line's a ZINGER, they should emphasize it with a tomahawk chop and some war whoops.

    • miss_grundy

      It might be mistaken for a Florida State Seminoles thing, though…..

    • Boojum

      Wait, this is an ad FOR Brown?

  • Paleface Scott Brown in heep-o shit.

    • eggsacklywright

      Circle the wagons!

  • BornInATrailer

    Careful, Scotty. Too much focus could backfire. Just think what an October surprise in the form of genealogical documentation of her Cherokee ancestry would do.

  • SorosBot

    And to think, Brown had a reputation as one of the more reasonable Republicans; but now he's gone full racist and blown that.

  • mavenmaven

    The last line in the ad should go over well with the Romney-Ryan campaign: "we already have enough people in Washington willing to say anything"

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Even the dogs are like, dude, everyone can hear that whistle.

  • I'm Scott Brown and I have nothing positive to add to the election dialogue.

  • Baconzgood

    Cool that he hired Lex Luther for the ad.

    • SorosBot

      Well he does have another two years until he has to run for reelection as the Governor of Florida.

  • PsycWench

    "And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers"

    Wonder how many Scott Brown staffers were asked and got "um, no, I'm pretty camera-shy, you better ask someone else, look over there!"

  • She's going to scalp him in November.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      With tomahawks votes.

  • eggsacklywright

    It's time to bury the hatchet. With votes.

  • Yellerdawg

    <New Scott Brown Ad>

    "Professor Warren's release of her plan to bring jobs and prosperity to Massachusetts is just her latest attempt to distract voters from her race. Vote Scott Brown! No plan, but I know what color I am."

  • People are beginning to have reservations about Scott Brown.

    • YouFail4eva


    • Boojum

      This is a trail that will not end well.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Whether it's centerfolds or elections, it's always about Scott Brown's Little Bighorn, isn't it?

  • Freewayblogger

    "And furthermore, my opponent was born in the wagon of traveling show and her mother used to dance for the money they'd throw!"

  • Schmannnity

    Brown is a stain on Massachusetts.

  • Hera Sent Me

    How could the guy who seemed like a natural campaigner in 2010 be reduced to running on the slogan "She don't look Injun to me" in 2012?

    Maybe Teabaggers are right. DC rots your brain.

  • And we are pretty sure without any evidence whatsoever that all those people are Scott Brown staffers, especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife.

    But especially that fourth guy, who looks like Scott Brown personally dressed him this morning.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mary Anne always gets my vote.

    • Schmannnity

      What about Lovey, Mr. Howell?

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Apparently, during my coconut daiquiri blackouts there's enough of me to go round.

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Cmon Wonkette…… your starting to publish more stories on Scott Brown/Elizabeth Warren than Yahoo News publishes on the Kardashians!

    • YouFail4eva

      So, not that much, huh? Wonkette, step up the number of stories!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Yes, as all white men know, you really can't trust those fuckin' Indians.

    Wait, strike that. Reverse it. Elizabeth Warren is saying you should not trust white men.

  • SorosBot

    Just calling something a lie doesn't make it not true; Warren is part native American, and so claiming she "lied and got caught" is a complete lie because she was telling the truth, you idiot Brown, you lying liar who lies about lying.

  • UnholyMoses

    Sitting Bullshit.

  • bflrtsplk

    Slightly OT, but did this Brownie ever succeed in marrying off those two daughters?

    • Boojum

      And what's he asking these days?

  • belmontreport

    If this works, I get to just give up, right? Like sweatpants everyday, cookie dough and wine for breakfast, watching Buffy episodes on Netflix instead of having relationships kind of give up. I feel closer to that every single day.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      I live for buying wine now. That is not the sign of surrender.

  • MistaEko

    Steve McQueen. Steve. Fucking. McQueen.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Maybe I am not tuned in, but this is just silly. Really, really silly. Scott Brown, shame on you!!! Go away!

  • Pretty ironic accusation coming from a guy who was a full-blooded teabagger two years ago and probably isn't even 1/16 that now.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Show us the long-form Dawes Roll!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Man, but that ad is one heap-big collection of angry and homely.

    • Mike_HeXt

      and white.

  • Cut. Print. Oscar.

  • And this is coming from someone who did a Calvin Klein commercial with Brooke Shields.

  • chicken_thief

    "…especially that second guy; he probably runs the superPAC and is secretly banging Scott Brown’s wife. "

    Scott prolly knows this is happening, and in fact, participates. Some have reported that there is role playing with the wifey dressed in gingham, being "raped" by the bad injun staffer and cowboy Scott comes to the rescue. But just a little late…. Cause money shot.

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Schmannnity

      He hasn't denied that or that both daughters are squaws to Chief Screaming Cock.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Wait, Elizabeth Warren says she's Native American just because she has Native American ancestors? But that would be like my mixed race children claiming their dad is asian or something! (NB: they don't look asian.)

    • Katydid

      But what are their SAT scores? Henghh?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      She said she was Native because that was her family lore. She actually doesn't know which of her ancestors were Native.

      I mean, yeah, Scott Brown is an asshole, but I think people are kind of missing the point of his ads. He's not saying "Don't vote for Elizabeth Warren because she's Native"; he's saying "Don't vote for Elizabeth Warren because she's Pretendian."

      Which is a pretty dick move in my opinion, because she was operating in good faith if on limited information with all that stuff. Also every white person in Massachusetts firmly believes they have an Indian Princess ancestor in their heritage way far back (and lots of the black people actually are eligible for tribal affiliation with the various Wampanoags and Pequots and other Native groups), so I think it's a pretty dumbass strategy.

      The white people of Massachusetts have a sentimental attachment to local Native nations, because they were polite enough to die off in large enough numbers so that they had to stop killing us by the turn of the 19th century, and also Squanto and the first Thanksgiving, and casinos. The average Scott Brown voter thinks casinos are awesome, and feels a deep spiritual kinship with Native culture from his days as a Webelo. This is not a wise strategy.

  • barto

    One has to commend Scott for running on the, I mean his, issues.

  • Aridzona

    Is Elizabeth Warren part Indian? Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?

  • Brownie moves on to Warren being behind the Chupacabras sucking the souls of all the Bay State goats in 3, 2, 1

  • Not_So_Much

    I bet he emphasizes the "B" when he pronounces the word 'subtle'.

    • eggsacklywright

      I once saw a furrin' movie what had English subtleties.

  • Sometimes the magic works, but this is just fucked up.

  • LibertyLover

    Perhaps Scott thinks that if he keeps beating a dead horse something, something.

    But you can lead a dead horse to water but you can't make it vote…..(unless it is registered by Nathan Sproul)

    • MacRaith

      If you lead a horse to water and shove a hose down its throat, can you make it drink?

      Brown: "Yeah. I've tried it."

      (With apologies to Scott Adams.)

    • MosesInvests

      Man Afraid Of His Dead Horses.

      • Boojum

        Man Who Beats Dead Horses, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

  • An_Outhouse

    c'mon. She has a red dot on her forehead. How does she explain that?

    • LibertyLover

      Tides go in, Tides go out. You just can't explain that.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Teabagger with a laser pointer?

  • Abernathy

    "We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything."

    What do you mean "we," white man?

    (Although, yeah, I think this guy was actually talking about Scott Brown.)

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe it's the chemo. Sabe?

  • LibertyLover

    Here, Scott… Try to grasp this straw. Nope, try again. You missed it again. Try again… dang, you're not very good at this are you?

  • An_Outhouse

    Scalping your opponent is not very lady like.

    • Abernathy

      But during a legitimate scalping, won't the male's head reject the ripping of flesh and remain intact?

      • Boojum

        I don't know, but if Scott is willing, we could find out.

  • This campaign season will determine, in large part, whether I ever bother voting again. With votes.

  • eggsacklywright

    Voter Freud?

  • SpeedoFart

    Jesus Christ. What the hell happened to MA? Am I the only one wishing for Zombie Ted Kennedy?

  • decentcitizen

    You know this is the silliest political ad I think I've ever seen. I think it's trying at the same time to harness white anxiety about affirmative action while taking the contradicting positions that Warren is Indian but also she lied about being Indian to gain some kind of advantage. (Disclosure: decentcitizen is part Indian and also from OK- there is no advantage to being Indian). Whatever imagined advantage you get from being Indian is more than offset by the real discrimination you experience from being Indian. BTW, actual Indians refer to themselves as Indian, not Native Americans.

  • En_Buenora

    Clearly she's not.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Massachusetts" – what the hell kind of word is that anyway?

  • mr bojangles

    ad very impressive, made me change my mind, will now vote for the man.

  • Mike_HeXt

    Wow the people in this ad clean up well.

  • BZ1

    "We already have enough people in Washington that will say anything…" Projection much??

  • Doyle_Hargraves

    It'd be kinda funny if it wasn't on every five minutes during my nightly syndicated Family Guy bender. Thanks CW-Boston.

  • ttommyunger

    Weak chin? Check. Skin beard? Check. Pasty complexion? Check. Bad teeth? Check? Cheap hair-cut? Check. Sold-out soul? Check. This one will go far, my friend….

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