Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin is back in the Missouri Senate race … because he never left it, son.
Having weathered the storm caused by the liberal media pretending he thinks vaginas are washing machines for rape sperm (truth: he thinks they are car washes for rape sperm), Todd Akin now has to figure out how to appeal to lady voters once again.
Condescending sexism should do the trick quite nicely!
[A] new comment isn’t likely to help his efforts to appeal to women voters: Akin noted that his opponent, Democratic Sen. Claire McCaskill, was more “ladylike” during the 2006 campaign.
“I think we have a very clear path to victory, and apparently Claire McCaskill thinks we do, too, because she was very aggressive at the debate, which was quite different than it was when she ran against Jim Talent,” Akin told the Kansas City Star. “She had a confidence and was much more ladylike (in 2006), but in the debate on Friday she came out swinging, and I think that’s because she feels threatened.”
If we were Claire McCaskill (or a lady), we would actually be offended more by this than by the “legitimate rape” comments. At least the legitimate rape comments made lady parts into something with superheroic, magical abilities. A vagina with the ability to stop a crime – well, part of a crime – from happening as it happens? You ladies could have gone to your OB/GYN, who would naturally be Ron Paul, and said, “Please inspect my delicate Avenger.” Do you know what we would give to pee out of Captain America???
Instead, Senator McCaskill just gets shoehorned into a hoary old sexist box that doesn’t allow her to do anything put smile politely and serve cookies as an insane man rambles in her face. The only superhero that reminds us of is Aquaman before he got the hook hand, and at that point, you’re not even really a superhero, you’re just an animal-obsessed schizophrenic who couldn’t make the Olympic swim team.
{ 224 comments }
Did he call her a "hussy?"
I imagine that within two weeks he'll go with "slut."
"It makes her a prostitute!"
Please.
Not a hussy.
A Jezebel.
Er, I think you misheard, I believe he was asking about her pussy. Must be his accent.
Needs moar wife-beater shirts.
A brazen hussy.
Missouri: The "Blow Me" State.
Akin's new slogan: Missouri loves company.
Oh sure, I go for the cheap slogan/blow job joke. You do the pun double entendre.
At least they'll get your joke in Branson. Maybe.
Ladylike? So she leaves her pinky up when drinking tea?
She should put her pinky in Akin's eye. That would be a ladyfinger we could all get behind.
Hey Todd! How'd ya like a nice finger sammich?
Only when it's mixed with a shot of Jack Daniels.
Was she not swinging her ladylike parts around as much??
That's pretty much the only way I know if I'm talking with a lady or not…
She does it when passing legislation…with votes!
Mmmm…ladyfingers…
Someone was hiding behind the door during Biology class…
Everything Akin learned and didn't learn about biology came from "Behind the Green Door."
I think Max means our own dear Jesse, actually, seeing as lady-peeing and rape shutdowns occur in entirely different departments. (Er, NSFW. And I just realized where Today's Youth probably go to find dirty pictures that escape their schools' filters.)
If Marilyn Chambers came up behind him and said, "Boo!" Akin would shit his drawers and descend into a little heap on the floor.
My professional opinion on all this hub-bub is that the GOP have given up on Romney and have shifted their focus on the Senatorial races. This is why the GOP have done a 180 and are now supporting Akin.
Oh, and Birds rock man! Totally rock!
where is our friday posting hmmmm? some of us have a huge annual event this weekend and will not be available for posts tomorrow.
I was gonna go with "Pics or GTFO", but sure, you just had to go and be polite about it so now I'd look bad if I said that…
So do the Byrds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4ga_M5Zdn4
(Do we get a new bird pic on Friday?)
I'll throw something up, but sorry, gotta do it tomorrow. It's nearly bed time for me.
Ok, real quick, but it's not a bird. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/4894552…
AWE-some!
Nice!
That's like the dollar bill trick, right?
Kewl! I don't know how that turtle can stand it, though- looks like a ticklish situation to me.
Wow. What a great photo. I love it even though it isn't a bird.
Holy shit! That's a good'un.
Wow! thanks!
I think they're just good friends. Aren't they?
How do you get so much perfection in one little shot???
Awesome… what a cool shot.
wow. nature imitating romney and obama.
Well at least you didn't flip us the bird. Wonderful shot.
Aw shucks folks. It didn't end well for the Aztec Dancer. Shortly after shot was taken, the Painted Turtle snapped at him and missed, but I'll be goed to hell if he didn't land right back on the Turtle's nose. Well you know how those Dragonflies are. The Turtle got him the second time. The Marsh I took this at has long since dried up. There's just very little open water around here anymore. I sure hope we get hella snow this Winter to charge up the wetland areas again for the spring or I'm going to be taking a lot of pictures of dirt.
(Hugs you) DerrickWildcat, you are just the cutest.
X2
Toddy, if she didn't brutally assault you with a cane, I think she treated you with more respect than you deserved, and certainly more than most people would have given you.
He's one of those true old-school gentlemen, the kind that would invoke the right of Primae Noctis or flog the serfs for not groveling enough when he rode by.
I'd call him a dick, but the more I'm realizing he doesn't really have one.
in future please do not besmirch one of my favorite childhood movies with 'todd akin'.
thanks.
The spaghetti scene, right? Nudge nudge, wink wink…
[blushes]
I'm 31 and it's STILL one of my favorite movies (though I acknowledge the regrettable racism of Si and Am the cats).
i know i know. but the rest of it is delicious.
Well yeah, but those cats were always yelling on their cell phones in the UCLA library.
ditto the "indians" in peter pan. i have such mixed emotions about sharing that movie with my daughter.
What I'm trying to get at is that provinciality is a function of distance. Given that we have an internet, and video chat services, the distance between hong knong and Muncie is measured in milliseconds and languages.
Many social traditions and biases we learn and use as heuristics were formed because of the great cost of travel. As trains, airplanes, automobiles, phones, and internets reduced the cost of communicating with another person, we have become a little bit less genocidal, tribal, and racist.
It's a long slog, to be sure. Some people will be set in their ways, and they vote. But You start with stonewall, you move to an epidemic, then you get on tv and the internet, into the millitary, you can see how homosexuality is becoming normalized. It takes time, it should take less time, but what are you gonna do?
You just made ghost Marshall McLuhan smile.
I dunno, but I saw "Song of the South" in the theater. And then again on the "Wonderful World of Disney" teevee show sometime in the early 70's.
We still have the Disney version of the Uncle Remus story book somewhere about the house. That's pretty rich, too.
Also there are at least four (more or less harmless) racial stereotypes in "The Aristocats." Still a pretty great movie.
Enh. I dunno. It seems a bit more clever than making Barry dick jokes to be honest.
Black people have large penises = stereotype.
Conjoined twins named Si and Am = nym joke.
Making them Siamese cats with yowly high pitched voices = Siamese cats.
Making them them unmistakably asian with the eyes = Enh, point taken.
Making them villians? It's a job.
You can take if you please. You can take it if you don't please. They owned it.
See, now if they'd been named "Ty" and "Styx", you'd have Fantasia.
Well, to be fair,aren't there also a lot of jokes here about Joe Biden's penis being of unusual size? And he's pretty darn white.
Truly classic films have a way of shutting down besmirchment, so it's cool.
Shut up, you tramp.
She was very aggressive in the debate = she didn't agree with all of my stupid ideas.
= she had her own opinion regarding the facts….
= Bitch.
= she had FACTS!!!!!
= "Why are these liberals so angry? amirite?!"
She called me a twatwaffle without ever saying it.
<insert sammich making joke here>
I was going to go for "Ladylike? So he wants her in the kitchen, pregnant from a legitimate rape?" but wevs.
You lie! You can't get pregnant from a legitimate rape. Have you learned nothing??!?
shit. I inserted a lousy one below because I missed your comment. Sorry!
<insert some k9 skullfuckery here>
Hold the Mao?
OT but has anyone seen the bbc (and i assume elsewhere) shot of bibi using a cartoon bomb drawing to make his point at the UN?
hilarious.
Yes. I'm looking forward to Ahmadinejad's rebuttal which will feature an ACME rocket and some roller skates.
…on which he will zoom into a rocky outcropping with a tunnel entrance painted on it.
A round anarchist bomb with a lit fuse–he must be one of those ironic hipsters.
Hey, at least it wasn't tucked into Muhammad's turban.
I wish someone would kick Bibi in the nuts because the more he talks, the less sympathetic I am toward Israel. If he wants canon fodder for Iran let him send his own people.
He can f*cking go himself if he wants-most Israelis want no part of it. And I think he's going down in the next election.
"Let me just draw the rest of this…what?! No way is that Muhammed!! See, it's a bomb cozy, not a turban!!"
Bibi walked in with his 8×10 color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-19746…
Did Bibi say that only Romney could save Israel and bring peace by invading Iran? Just curious.
oh i just read the pictures.
I saw it. That guy is a fuckin' looney bin, and that anyone sees him as less crazy that President Immadinnerjacket have deluded themselves. How in the hell does Bibi keep coming back? Come on, Israel. Stop electing fucking neo-cons.
It's not so much that Israelis elected Bibi, but rather he was able to form a coalition with the !@$@# religious parties. Those who want a multi-party system here in the US, look at the downside.
Yes, but Likud is extremist all by its lonesome. It just gets to carry out its more carnal wishes because the right was given a mandate, or shorts.
And, really, Avigdor fuckin' Lieberman as foreign minister and deputy prime minister? Are you effing kidding me? I mean, that'd be like making Steve King of Iowa Secretary of State. I complain a lot about American politics, but Israeli politics have gone completely off the cliff when it comes to foreign policy. Even Kadima is not what anyone would hardly call dovish on foreign policy, and I think even Labor would best be described as pragmatic.
Hey now Claire just you don't be talking back to the menfolk now. Don't get all uppity like you might have rights or thoughts or any of that.
But she totally had her ankles crossed when she called him a worthless piece of shit.
You mean he didn't learn his lesson about how to talk about women? Wow!
That Feminazi's sassy mouth was supposed to shut itself down during the debate.
Claire McCaskill started off the evening in an unladylike manner by leaving her kitchen, and it went downhill from there. And you know what's really unladylike? Victory speeches. I wouldn't put it past her if she tries one, either.
I posted an opinion online yesterday and the (serious) reply was: blah, blah, blah, "now go make dinner." Really, that's all they got.
If I were McCaskill or any other Missouri "lady" I'd take a swing at this dickwad every chance I had.
I think Todd has some sand in his vagina.
Christ, my Akin vagina!
Todd is not noble enough a creature to possess such a bodypart.
It's okay. If it's legitimate sand, the body has ways of shutting that down.
It's like this McCaskill bitch wants to think for herself!!!!! The nerve of that woman.
Akin: McCaskill self-raped
Do you know what we would give to pee out of Captain America???
I'd rather pee ON Captain America, if you know what I'm sayin'.
Well, and for the record, I'd rather pee on Robert Downey, Jr. or Chris Hemsworth, but I digress.
Pee's pour-rage hawt!
My vagina would like him to fuck himself into a coma with an unripe pineapple.
Sideways.
Figuratively.*
* Literally
Swizzle stick.
Urethra.
Broken.
with votes.
It will be a huge hit on YouTube- can't wait!
Yer confuzin' me…..I think I take the general tone of your comment, but , WTF?…
Akin really needs to put his glasses back on, pick up his pitchfork, and get back to standing around in American Gothic.
You mean, like this? https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hi7Mr6GKa_Y/UG…
Oh, that's good….!
How does the Internet manage to keep doing this, think all one's thoughts before one has even had them?
circling the bowl … circling the bowl … and … down he goes.
Maybe he was molested by a lady as a kid and is holding that anger in. He'd do better just getting it all out his system tourette-like: legitimate-fucking-slut-whore-ladylike-bitch!
Or maybe he should go to Minnesota and get some therapy from Marcus Bachmann.
Obviously something is wrong with McCaskill's lady parts (hence she's not ladylike) because according to Akin's understanding of biology, her vagina should have censored any aggressive words she might use, much as it censors hostile sperm.
Todd Akin is the gift that keeps on giving.
Like a smallpox-infested Snuggie.
Let someone lock him in a kennel with Louis Gohmert interrupting him every time he opens his mouth with another cringe-worthy self-condemning derpload. I hope they both get worms.
Oh come on I can't be the only one who secretly calls his that.
At least it comes with a shield. Safe sex, America.
Made with vibranium for his/her please.
All wrapped in another S.H.I.E.L.D. Hmm.
Mine is named Mighty Thor
Mostly cuz it usually is.
What 'lady' wouldn't feel 'threatened' by this fucktard's views on gender?
she came out swinging, and I think that’s because she feels threatened.
No, actually, it was because (like me) she wants to bust your balls.
OK, OK, with votes…
She probably throws ike a girl, too.
I just had this image of women being tossed to Eisenhower.
What the fuck does this guy have to do to get a little lady to make him a fucking sammich around here?!!
Todd Akin made the unforgivable mistake of telling the TRUTH about the Republican party, revealing they think rape victims are lying sluts.
To quote the inimitable Ms. Storm Large What the fuck is ladylike?
It's not that McCaskill is less of a lady. It's that Akin is more of dick.
Summary:
"Vaginas: Fucking scary! Who knows how they work…"
Accurate cartoon portrayal of the debate.
People with a hook hand must be careful to use the proper hand when wiping.
That feminazi McCaskell probably shrank his willy for him, and he doesn't like it one bit.
How could he tell?
She's a witch!
We watched 1/2 hour of the first episode. I was disappointed. I thought the premise and the setting would be interesting, but it was all improbable bloody gory super macho police dick.
Why, I do believe I now have a case of the vapors! Oh, bless me, someone call the houseboy to fan me as I lay on my chaise lounge!
Lindsey Graham. Now there's a lady!
Do you think Lindsey will be up for a Cocktober Surprise party, or is he just too, too much with the discretion?
Perhaps the loss of his amigo Joe Lieberman and John McCain's increasing senility will force the Senator to search for warm companionship. And the teatards have already threatened to select another candidate in 2014.
I can see him opening a tea shoppe in Georgetown with ham biscuits!
Look at her over there, on the veranda, fanning herself whilst drinking a Sweet Tea. She was asking for it. What a slut.
Where is the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to teach Tod Akin some manners about the ladies?
There was definitely some peeing, where's the squirting though?
And you, Akin, are no gentleman.
I'll bet Akin thinks ladies that don't lie back and enjoy being legitimately raped are not being ladylike either.
FOAD, Akin.
Three weeks ago this clown was on his way to the US Senate. Think about that and be very afraid.
He may still be. It's Missouri-town, rick.
Gotta point there bobbert. The state's motto, Show Me is what too frequently happens at the Greyhound Bus depot. Most locales don't see that as a braggin' point. Do they give frequent flasher miles?
I'm still afraid. He's actually polling quite competitively, again, since America's attention span seems to be so. fucking. short!
Yes, but he's doing his damnedest to keep the spotlight shining harshly on his balding pate.
And One-L, Joe Walsh and Allen West are sinking in their polls. Good times, my friends, good times.
Well, Deadbeat Joe should be dead meat Joe, and wild wild West is now in a competitive district, so there's hope there. Minnesotans appear to put most of there crazies in that one district, so if 1-L loses, that will be news indeed.
That’s right, little lady, the men are talking. Now be a dear and fetch us some coffee.
So much disrespect for Arthur.
King of Atlantis. Badass wife. Trident wielder. Stone killer.
Just don't get it…
Aquaman's a hero; he can talk to the fish.
FACT: Aquaman's greatest superpower is somehow not dying of hypothermia and crush depth.
Yeah! I mean, think about it… (Heh, great link, thanks!)
Ladylike: floor-length skirts, petticoats, Dickensonian poetry …
Let's see, what rhymes with "choad"?
Trucknutz.
Load.
A great Hope fell
You heard no noise
The Ruin was within
Oh cunning wreck that blew no load
And let no Witness view his choad
Allen West would have written on his blog in support (if not for his ever vigilant aide):
"Courage, Todd Akin! Democrat women do not understand how to honor Man as the head of both civic and domestic affairs, and the shrill battleaxe McCaskill is no exception. Did you see the way the impudent and brazen Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was all dolled up at the Democrat Plantation Convention?! Never has a dame called out more for the firm hand of masculine rectitude to tame her audacious sauciness toward traditional values."
Jesus and or Regan would never have tolerated such harlotry. Will you, trusted reader, take up that cross of Galilee and throw the first stone? God, I miss the good old days, when blacks were content with just performing amusing dances and singing and women were content dying in childbirth…
**golf clap**
Who in the hell really hates women this much? I am guessing Mr. Akin's mom used to tape his dick between his legs to hide it and dress him up as a girl. That is literally the only thing that makes sense-he is getting revenge with his misogynistic jihad against women, in the name of restoring the Old Ways
I'm already pretty sure Barry's gonna lose my state, but it'll be worth standing in line for 3 hours to vote against this asshole.
Let us know where to send the pizza, and which pizzeria you prefer. And thanks for your service to the nation.
Two-Words: Absentee Ballot.
I would say that Akin is a fucking dickless piece of rotten shit, but I'm far too ladylike for such words.
You are much too kind.
I would like to tell Todd Akin that being ladylike is way way overrated.
I'm disappointed. Akin was much more ladylike in 2008.
Hmmm… Could it be that Jim Talent in 2006 was more of a gentleman than Todd Akin in 2012?
“Please inspect my delicate Avenger"
Now that's ladylike. And, since you requested so politely, I believe I shall.
You know that Bruce Lee movie where he is like buzzing in place, sort of hovering, then lets loose with the fastest hardest kick imaginable to the side of the guy's head, it's like an explosion. Yeah….like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diArzr74WuE
Fuck these assholes a thousand ways from Sunday. They need to go the fuck away. I am all for opposing parties but this shit has gotten completely out of hand. Godsdamnit enough all ready!
running for united states senate…
occasionally i have these moments of incredulity. often happens when i hear rand paul's name.
As a lady I can assure Mr Akin that we certainly come out swinging (and voting) when some crotchety, inbred ignoramus tries to limit our legal, medical options. As for his appalling fantasy about rape: I expect nothing better from Todd.
This
man'sknuckle-dragging simian's campaign is now running mostly on child labor, with delusional home-schoolers pretending that disseminating his medieval tripe is a valuable civics lesson. Strewth. Poor kids."'Slaves, be obedient to your masters…' it says in the Bible, so all you home-schooled little obedient slaves start stuffin' envelopes and makin' phone calls. Now get to it!"
Aquaman lost a hand!?! It will probably show up in a fish.
Show him, hell! I think she can take him, old teapartery asshole….
I think McCaskell was sufficiently ladylike. Mrs. Docterry assures me that she would have walked across the stage and hit him with a Louisville Slugger corked with votes.
Now you girls just calm down.
Well, if she was a legitimate lady, she'd have a way of shuttin' him down.
Oh, wait — looks like that's what's happenin'. So, maybe Akin was right.
Not many people know that Todd's middle name is Asshole. True story.
It's crazy. His first name is a perfectly acceptable "William" he he chooses, Todd. Really, man? You chose to go by Todd?*
*No offense to guys whose actual name is Todd.
Probably called "Billy" as a kid.
(As in "Quit cher Billy Akin")
I was never a big fan of Claire to say the least, so it says something of the talents of Todd Akin that I'm now a rabid McCaskill fan.
I hope Akin enjoys being legitimately defeated…with votes. 'Cause Claire's going to shut this shit down, son. You see, because Democracy has a way of shutting down the whole process.
Unfortunately, Claire isn't Lady, she's a fucking Blue Dog. But a majority is a majority, so — like you — I'm a fan.
Todd Akin is a buffoon, but Missouri is a red state now. Take away St. Louis and Kansas City and you've got Mississippi.
I'ma just leave this pic of Mrs. Akin right here.
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/2012/09/17/todd-a…
Honey, that's a MAN!
**said in voice of sassy blacklady in Springer audience**
Or Mammy Yokum. (I'm old.)
I think you nailed it. (Me too).
Put a corncob pipe in her mouth and she's a dead ringer.
She's also as big an asshole as he is.
She cited colonists who “rose up and said, ‘Not in my home, you don’t come and rape my daughters and my … wife.
Oh my, what is it with these circus freaks and rape?
She pretty much matches his combover.
So that's what the Third Amendment is about?
Christ, does he leave her chained up out in the sun all day?
Someone needs to ask Akins if she legitimately or illegitimately lost her ladylike nature.
BTW, this man was born in NYC and went to college in Worcester and whose dad was a Harvard grad. Mommas and Poppas, don't move your babies to Missouri, por favor.
Srsly? I'l take your word for it as I refuse to give this corroded, vile mind any of more of my eyeball time.
Srsly. To be fair, he was raised in suburban St. Louis, but damn, he even sounds as if he was raised innn rural Missouri.
That's Why the Lady is a Tramp.
"Next thing you know, that bitch is going to claim to be an Indian."
Anyone who's lived in Mizoor-uh (that's the part between KC and StL) will tell you that Todd Akin is just what they deserve. It's like Pennsylvania: two cities with rural Alabama in between.
You still have to wonder why any woman anywhere would have so little self of steam as to vote for Akin, though.
Unlike Pennsylvania, the Alabama in between is often more than enough to overpower the cities, and unlike PA, even the suburbs seem to be conservative.
OT: Democrats Furiously Chiseling Away At Wonkette's 4 Prime Sources For Snark:
http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/09/democra…
And she wore white shoes after labor day. the nerve.
I'd like to see Hillary zap him in the balls with her laser eyes, but she wouldn't deign to pay that much attention to him.
OT But, psychic Wonkette correctly predict the recent Florida GOP voter fraud in June. Now GOP is trying to wash their hand for this clusterfuck.
prediction: http://wonkette.com/475883/romney-campaign-finds-…
news: http://firstread.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/09/27/141…
they probably did this on purpose so they can justify their purging of the voter rolls to prevent voter fraud. "See, there's voter fraud! Purge the browns!!!"
Faster than a speeding sperm? Super Vag!
Jesus would cockpunch this dude.
But, only after it thrice crowed, 'cause that's just how the gentleman savior rolls, you know?
He forgot to add that a real lady stays at home to care for her husband and children unless she's single in which case she's a slut.
I have nothing to say about that sack of shit Akin and POS repubes who waited it out for a few news cycles.
However, I've always found it disturbing how Disney made Lady so damn hot.
She is one fine looking bitch.
Disney's animators always made the animals seem more like people than the people, no?
Yeah, the people were very much like Romney, annoying, idiotic & robot-like .
Obvs. The really striking thing here is that this buffoon continues to shove his foot in the same old mouth without apparently ever realizing that he's doing it. If the definition of psychosis is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, this jackass need a strait jacket and an arm full of lithium stat.
I love absolutely everything about the writing of this post, title to last sentence. As for the CONTENTS…well, as a Missourian and a woman, I just have to say, with due reverence to 2008, Bitch is the new Black, so shut the fuck up old man and let Claire baby kick your ass.
Not paying too much attention to this fellow's idea of lady-like. Some say Todd Akin's idea of being "gentlemanly" is bearing his weight on his elbows whilst he bums the local Weblos Troop.
Well you know, getting illegitimately raped is just NOT ladylike!
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