YOUR NEWEST ENTRY IN THE ANNALS OF IRONY  4:40 pm September 27, 2012

Mitt Romney To Stone Cold Politifact Barack Obama

by Jesse Taylor

and if you don't like government health insurance, can i get a hell yeah?

Mitt Romney, that terrible, audacious liar, is going to approach the debates as a way of letting America know what a terrible, audacious liar Barack Obama is, because as Sun Tzu said, “Approach your weaknesses like the spineless sack of poo that you are.”

Mitt Romney plans to turn himself into a one-man truth squad during the first presidential debate next week, casting President Barack Obama as someone who can’t be trusted to stick to the facts or keep his promises.

Top Republicans are telegraphing Romney’s hard-line strategy for his faceoff with Obama, according to Mike Allen’s Playbook in POLITICO on Thursday. The debate plan comes during a presidential cycle where media fact-checkers have held a high profile and where an earlier effort by Democrats to cast GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan as untrustworthy got results.

And let’s be honest (for once!): reporters will eat this mess up, because it’s a narrative and it lets them right the cosmic scales of justice in favor of not having to be unevenly mean as a part of their jobs. Ho hum.

Mitt Romney lies a lot more than Barack Obama (well, at least according to Politifact, which sometimes just decides that things are lies because they want to see a .gif of fire).

According to Politifact’s rating system, Mitt Romney’s statements have been judged Mostly False, False, or Pants on Fire 46% of the time, versus only 29% for President Obama. In the Pants on Fire category alone, Romney is more than four times as likely to suffer trouser immolation than the President. Nearly one in ten statements by Romney earned flaming slacks, versus one out of every fifty for Obama.

Even when Romney does tell the truth, according to Politifact, he’s much more likely to mix in some falsehoods. 48% of his non-false ratings were only “Half True,” compared with 35% for President Obama.

In fact, just a month ago, Romney’s campaign said that they did not give not a single fuck about no fact checkers, and that “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.”

One assumes that Romney will spend the entire debate calling Obama a liar, citing random things from fact checkers incorrectly, and then smiling his square-jawed smile at the camera in a vain attempt to connect with people at home who’ve always wanted to call a black man in a suit a liar. And it’s true, that is a lie, because Obama has a tracksuit on underneath so that he’ll feel comfortable.

Please check that last statement, Politifact. We need you now more than ever.

[Politico]

 
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{ 211 comments }

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Doesn't Romney need to figure out which side of his flip-flops is the truth first?

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Not if he's attacking the other guy's facts BALDFACED LIES, PTUI! PTUI!

GeorgiaBurning September 27, 2012 at 7:43 pm

He'll probably switch sides on a couple issues during a 90 minute debate, why waste staff finding out what's true or false?

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

"No, sir, you do NOT wear boxers!" will be about the level of it.

I hope Mitt steps on his dick so hard trying this that he can't pee for a month.

mayor_quimby September 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I have been using this phrase with friends about mittens, and they look at me funny. They're like, why would he step on his own dick? Exactly.

sewollef September 28, 2012 at 8:37 am

If Mittens can step on his own dick, then he's a bigger man that I. Metaphorically speaking, not literally of course, couldn't be literally.

Chichikovovich September 28, 2012 at 9:27 am

Perhaps he just has very, very short legs. They use a lot of perspective tricks and unusual camera angles to disguise it.

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Romney needs more asbestos pants.

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Romney is SO PISSED that Brooks Brothers doesn't carry them!

viennawoods13 September 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

In fact he HAS to piss his pants just to put out the flames!!

mavenmaven September 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I hope the Romney campaign fact-checks how to spell "massacre" for their internal documentation of how they lost the campaign.

ChessieNefercat September 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

We will not be dictated to by fact-checkers, and by the way, it's spelled "massaker" because we say so!

Fred_Wertham_Jr September 27, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I'm sure that Mitt knows how to spell (Mountain Meadows) Massacre.

Beach_Bubba_Tex September 28, 2012 at 11:34 am

Mormons are a little touchy about the m-word. Much more comfy with the notion that Romney's campaign is "Armageddon Revealed."

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Let's face it, sometimes we all just want to see a .gif of fire.

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

♫ I fell into a burning .gif of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns …
the .gif of fire
The .gif of fire ♫

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

'Zactly. (It got stuck in my head immediately.)

Nostrildamus September 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

♫ Burning, Burning
Pixel Inferno
Burning, Burning
Burn those Mom Jean down ♫

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Mitt is getting debate practice from a crack team including Dick Morris, Baghdad Bob and Joe Isuzu.

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Practice moderator: Tommy Flanagan.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Consultant: Paul Ryan.

Indiepalin September 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm

What comes after "pants on fire"?

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

The "burning bush"?

Baconzgood September 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

My prom date had that.

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Some antibiotics usually clears that up …

Usually.

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Smoldering magic underwear?

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

According to the Progressive insurance commercial, "No Mas Pantalones"

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Mitt is Messican, after all.

Radiotherapy September 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Lyin' Ryan?

ChillBill September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Magic undies on fire?

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

exploding toilets!

shelwood46 September 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"Every Spring, the toilets explode…"

Toomush_Infer September 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Joe Walsh…

mille derps September 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm
ChessieNefercat September 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Flaming testes, I hope.

Gleem McShineys September 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

TruckCinderz

MissTaken September 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I find it difficult to come after my pants are on fire

OH! You said what, not who. Nevermind!

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Third degress burns?

valthemus September 28, 2012 at 1:32 am

Mostly False —-> False —–> Pants on Fire —–> Anus in a Burn Ward —–> Satan Takes a Skin Graft with a Lava-coated Pitchfork Dipped in Acid

ChillBill September 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Univision-pandering Mitt is more of a Luchador, stage name's "Calzoncillos Mágicos."

miss_grundy September 27, 2012 at 5:29 pm

That's cold, he doesn't even make it to the "gallo" category.

memzilla September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Remember the Watson computer that won all that baksheesh on Jeopardy? Why can't we just hook it up to Politifact on the one side, and Mitt Rmoney on the other side, and spew out the result as a chyron crawl on the bottom of the screen?

Real Time Bulls**t Detection! Other than the exploding microchips and sparking cables (from teh Mittbot, most likely), what could possibly go wrong?

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 11:12 pm

that's the future of democracy isn't it?

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Someone should jam Mitt's wifi.

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Mitt's BIG line: "I'll bet you 50 cents I'm right about this"

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Don't you mean "fiddy cents"?

ChessieNefercat September 27, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I think it's fiddy cen'.

Jukesgrrl September 28, 2012 at 1:22 am

He wouldn't even GET that joke.

Ryy September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

So Romney's plan is to try and convince people that they dont really know who this Obama character is, and best not trust him with the presidency? Romney does know Obama is the incumbent, right?

ChurchofRealism September 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Shush, this is strategery.

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

There's no contempt like self contempt. Romney's insides must be on fire.

weejee September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Well if you torch your trousers that often, such things should be expected.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm

But you usually don't eat your trousers first.

mille derps September 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I wonder if it's ever even occurred to Mitt that he's contemptible… I thought that was just for 'you people'?

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"an earlier effort by Democrats to cast GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan as untrustworthy"

Not "untrustworthy." More like "a fucking liar." As in, he'd rather climb a tree and tell you a lie than stay on the ground and tell you the truth.

MaxNeanderthal September 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Why does a Romney v. Obama truth match call up a mental image of a Mexican hairless attacking a Tyrannosaur..?

Callyson September 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm

earlier effort by Democrats

With a major assist from FOX News, of all sources–even *they* had to admit his VP acceptance speech was riddled with errors.

MosesInvests September 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Jerry Clower FTW!

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"I'm a one man truth squad." Lie. Derp.

slithytoves September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Ah yes, projection. We know thee so well.

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

man repubs really do have a projection / transference thing don't they? they've spent the last four years hurling all of the criticisms bush received at obama. in most cases nonsensically. now ROMNEY's going after bamz for lying!?!? this is their plan?

there are plenty of ways to attack the dems and plenty of weaknesses (hell, just staying on the economy would be better).

i say AGAIN: who is running this campaign? clearly i was wrong about squirrels. they would be more focused.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

one-man truth squad

Worst WWE character ever.

finallyhappy September 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

so I met Macho Man(Rest in Peace, dude) . I was then- as I am now- a short slight(ok, I was then) woman. I reached out and grasped his arm(clad in paisley spandex) and he said " DON'T TOUCH ME"

DaveJ September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Key problem: Mitt sounds like he's whining when he argues with people in a debate.

viennawoods13 September 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Fuck, he always sounds like he's whining. I was listening to him on NPR while driving home today, and he is SO irritating to listen to, always sounds like he's asking for something.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I wonder if Mitt will try to lay his hand on Obama?

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Bams will just roll his eyes and flick that hand off his shoulder.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I would think it would be more of a side eye.

mille derps September 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

That's a feature, not a problem. At least from my perspective…

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

whining and awkward and then he has that HIDEOUS laugh to smooth things over.

ick. i can't wait for all this to be over.

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice bagging tea.

Nothingisamiss September 27, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Oh, Mittens, well done!

slowhansolo September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The cake is a lie.

sharethegrief September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"We're not going to let our campaign be factated by dick checkers."

coolhandnuke September 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

In Mormonspeak it's "Flogging the Bishop."

kittensdontlie September 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

And when Mittens' piece reaches the last 'row' in the campaign, he will be crowned the King Dick.—From The Official Rules According to the Wonkette

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"Mitt Romney plans to turn himself into a one-man truth squad … "

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA **cough** HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA **coughwheeze** HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA **wheeze** HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA … HA HA HA HA … HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA … HA … HA … ha …

**sigh**

#justpeedhispants

Ryy September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Mittens, here is your winning line for the debate "Well, how do you know a nigger's lyin'? His lips are moving!"

You are welcome!

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I can't believe that such an adorable little dog (avatar) could say something so terrible! :)

Ryy September 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

One of 'em beat me all the time to toughen me up for dog fighting. He wasnt too bright.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Adorable dogs say the MOST fucked up shit!

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

So do really cute motherfucking cats, yo!

Sharkey September 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Why are you ignoring Selachimorpha?

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Point taken. My adorable dog is quite the little bitch.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Wait…what??

zumpie September 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

And it is not Thurston's job to care about them!

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Wait, I thought Mitt could only lie by violating the Second Law of Robotics. What gives?

Is he some kind of…cyborg? Maybe a defective robot?

Generation[redacted] September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

He could turn his whole campaign around simply by punching another robot in the face.

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Good one.

Lot_49 September 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Fondly fahrenheit, perhaps….

CommieDad September 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"I'm sorry Mr. President, but that's just not true. I am not a nice guy with no clue. I am a total asshole with no FUCKING clue."

"No, it was the Democrat party that caused the financial crisis by allowing John Kerry to lose."

"Bain capital received no money from the stimulus bill, so it is not true that the stimulus bill stopped us from going into a depression."

"That is not true, my tax plan doesn't rely on bad numbers. It relies on magic."

weejee September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Sun Tzu said "方法骨氣的便便袋,你是你的弱點,如"? That even more pithy that what's in Mao's little red book.

Lot_49 September 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Bit harsh, don't you think? Do some poo bags actually have spines?

mavenmaven September 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I believe you mean, 躺在屎袋.

gullywompr September 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Really? I thought he spoke Mandarin…

SayItWithWookies September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

What's great about Mitt being the fact-checker is that he can just say that anything President Obama says is a lie, then pull the justification out of his hat. Um — that's the way this sort of thing works, right?

Kidneys4Sale September 28, 2012 at 2:13 am

Perhaps if his hat is nested snugly in his asshole.

slowhansolo September 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Looking forward to the "Mitt 'Truth Warrior' Romney" identifier in CNN's graphics.

mbobier September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Mittens as a one-man truth squad? Talk about bringing a Q-Tip to a knife fight….

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

"Because Romney 3:16 says I just rebooted my campaign again!"

Blueb4sinrise September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Don't worry. Rmoney is lying about this too.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm
hagajim September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

With his pants on fire that much its a darn good thing that Mittens has the majik undies to protect him.

OzoneTom September 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

They come in Kevlar Nomex?

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Mitt wouldn't know truth if someone dropped a 10-ton tautology on his head.

WhatTheHolyHeck September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

(I can't believe) ISWYDT.

WhatTheHolyHeck September 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Randall will forgive the homagey plagiarism.

coolhandnuke September 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I thought fire-retardent magic underwear was standard issue to all Mormon Bishops and false witness bearers.

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Fire retard magic under where?

Generation[redacted] September 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Romney campaign: “we're not going to let our campaign be dictated by one-man fact-checkers"

fartknocker September 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Please bring up Birf Certificate Mitt. That will go over so well with the electorate.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Don't be silly, he doesn't need a Birth Certificate, everyone can see he's not Native American.

gullywompr September 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Two guards are at the door. One always lies, the other always tells the truth. What question should you ask?

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

When will you release your tax returns?

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Winner.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Is that poo on your shoes?

Blueb4sinrise September 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Do you feel lucky?

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Wait. Do you mean "Dirty Harry lucky" or "hooker on the pier lucky"?

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Who's on first?

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Do you feed the fish?

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

if i were to ask mitt romney this question, what would he say?

gullywompr September 27, 2012 at 10:07 pm
ManchuCandidate September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

In the next revision of Sun Tzu, it is going to say…
"It is said that if you know your enemies and lie to yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred elections (in your mind); if you do not know your enemies but lie yourself, you will win all of them (in your mind); if you lie about your enemies and to yourself, you will be Mittens Rmoney, which is long nosed white person noise for idiot rich fatuous emotionally challenged dunce with mind of pudding.

johnnymeatworth September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Is Barack even going to show up? I had just kind of assumed that he'd let Biden take the debates this time, leaving Ryan alone in whatever lean-to the VP debate is going to be held in.

ChessieNefercat September 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I just keep picturing Old Handsome Joe with his brightest, most shark-like smile ever, just dying to get in there and by God reward himself for holding back on that silly, vicious bitch, Palin, four years ago.

I sincerely hope that Ryan is sobbing and peeing by the end, especially after social-justice-Catholic Joe whips out his rosary beads and beats sex-obsessed-mean-spirited-Catholic Ryan with them.

Hmm. Note to self; find out if the nuns on the bus will be there to cheer for Joe.

mrpuma2u September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Facts are for pussies! Stone Cold said so.

PubOption September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Adding up Mittens numbers –
Mostly false, false or pants on fire 46%
Half true 48%
That just leaves 6% for mostly true or true. And then he calls Barry a liar.

idamagg September 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

The trouble with Romney is that he is trying to be everything for everybody. When he thought the populus was against the Affordable Care Act, he pledged to repeal Obamacare. When polls showed that more people liked the Affordable Care Act, he said he would keep parts of it when he is president. Someone said when he was talking to the Hispanic Crowd it appeared his hair was darker and he had a spray tan. I didn't notice that. When he talked to the Union workers, he tried to sound like he was one of them. Since he has lost much of the women vote, I am wondering if he will wear falsies when he talks to them.

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

What do you expect? The guy spent years eating his meals at an irony board.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Damn. I wish I'd said that.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

You will. :-)

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Hipster.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:43 pm

An Irony Board of Directors, maybe?

freddymcmurray September 28, 2012 at 4:53 am

I thought Lovie did the ironing, being a soccer mom and all. Oh right, the servants.

hagajim September 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

So Mitt has been working on his best Joe Wilson?

PuckStopsHere September 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I believe the only time in this entire campaign that Willard told the truth was the one measly time when he didn't think anybody was recording him. Everything else has been bald-faced. All of it.

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Oh, I imagine he starts off his speeches with "My name is Mitt Romney"*, so there's some truth every speech.**

* because otherwise the crowd might forget

** as far as we know.

just_a_head September 28, 2012 at 12:09 am

Technically, that's a lie, too.

Radiotherapy September 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

So basically he's flip-flopping on lying, amirite?

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"Drop trou and bring it on!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Unfortunately, the magic underwear come with a built in fire extinguisher.

Indiepalin September 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Headline of the day (Foxnews):

"Police to Search Under Detroit Driveway for Hoffa"

Beowoof September 27, 2012 at 5:43 pm

If they just let Detroit go under as Mitt suggested they probably would have found the body while they were down there.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Silly Fox, everyone knows that Hoffa was buried under the RenCen/Silverdome/(fill in Detroit landmark).

Self-Uploader September 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Given that he's already said he woulda killed Bin Laden, and saving the auto industry was his idea (retroactively), and there was that health care plan he took credit for until he didn't, why should this surprise us?

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:42 pm

He just took credit for that health care plan again (shown on Blitzer's blitz today) to show that he actually does care about people. The whole thing is making Erick Erickson flinch.

elviouslyqueer September 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"Trouser Immolation" is right up there with "Squarebottom Ninnies" as possibly one of the greatest gay boyband names EVER.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Paul Ryan and The Stench?

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Isn't "gay boyband" kinda' redudant?

knuck1es September 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Mitt Romney consistently telling the truth would a) completely destroy his chances and b) cause an internal server error. Kablooie!

Estproph September 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

From now on, why not just post a picture of Jon Lovitz doing Tommy Flanagan instead of Romney.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Mitt's Luchador name is Capirotazo-Fracaso

Gleem McShineys September 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm

How awesome would that be if he fucking just goes divides-by-zero nutzoid and actually shows up to the debates in a Luchador mask?

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Why do I get the feeling that Romney at some point in the debate is going to lean over and bite Obama on the neck?

MosesInvests September 27, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Or bite off his ear.

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

well this too should go well.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Alert the Right wing conspiracy theorists — Soros just donated a cool $1 million to Obama.

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, the Koch Bros., Sheldon Anderson, and host of other rightwing rich-as-hell fucktards donate 400 times that amount.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

But that's okay.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:47 pm

'Cause Freedom, mais oui.

Fox n Fiends September 27, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Its to cover any bets that Romney will wager during the debates

OneYieldRegular September 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

"President Obama, that's a lie. I'll bet you $10,000 you're wrong. No, wait, $5,000! Let's make it a wager the little people can understand."

mavenmaven September 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

You think he'll use that "african lion/lyin' african" line in the debate?
Think he'll spring some novel birther claim? Rev. Wright? William Ayers?
This debate is going to make some fine television.

Toomush_Infer September 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Hey, Mitt's going to bring a special video cell phone to this debate and hide it on the podium somewhere – that way, he'll have a record of the Obama lies…. don't tell me he doesn't learn from experience…

barto September 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

This is where Mitts asbestos pants are going to come in real handy.

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

the wiser strategy might be to simply respond 'ronald reagan' to everything like he did in '08.

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I don't now about the rest of you, but this has been a rollercoaster of a day. Whew. I am tired and don't tell anyone, but I didn't get all my Wonkette work done either.

Incitefully_Joe September 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Romney is more than four times as likely to suffer trouser immolation than the President

Does he know that they have over-the-counter creams for that now?

Slim_Pickins September 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Romney doesn't lie, Politifacts uses the wrong facts.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

The wrong checkers, too.

Isyaignert September 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

They'd better check Rmoney for wires and transmitters like GeeDumb had during the debates with Al Gore.

decay500 September 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

R doesn't need that check.. He's The Terminated. Internal SSD's, pre-programmed firmware. Hope they left in "fuck you, asshole!"

UnholyMoses September 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I gotta say (or type, in this case): I really hate presidential debates, as they're just ways for the candidates to spout their stump speeches, but in the form of an answer to a question — and often, an answer that has nothing whatsoever to do with the question.

But Ryan v. Biden? And Mitt v. Barry?

I can't wait …

ChessieNefercat September 27, 2012 at 6:40 pm

"…often, an answer that has nothing whatsoever to do with the question."

Why, yes, I did think of Palin when I read that. She actually bragged about it.

pdiddycornchips September 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Here's a debate question I would love to hear:

Gov. Romney, you have not released ten years of federal tax returns which is something every other major party candidate has done over the last thirty years.
Some speculate you took advantage of a tax amnesty program that allowed you to pay your back taxes without incurring any penalties. Can you put the speculation to rest? Did you take part in a tax amnesty program at any time during the last ten years?

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"Yes, Mr. Chips, I hear what you are asking. Let me answer that by saying that 10 years is a long period of time, in fact, that is the age of Ann's horse, Rafalca. As you know Ann has MS. And I have………………………………………………"

"Something, something, something that has no relation to taxes……………"

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm

…and speaking of amnesty, you know that Mr Obama will grant amnesty to all illegal aliens, even those from Al Qaeda.

Incitefully_Joe September 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

i remember how in '08, everyone was just like, "wait till the debates, Mccain will be AWESOME in the debates! Uhh, wait till the town hall debate! McCain totally won't just randomly wander off during that one!"

I just feel like this whole "Mitt Romney is gonna factcheck the Dickens out of the President, in a capital showing, tut tut, quite-so," thing is basically the 2012 version of that nonsense.

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm

yeah and barack 'long game' obama is telling everyone he's a crappy debater.

now we haven't seen him debate in a while but my memory is he was quite good. he's also been fielding press (and public gatherings and congress and white house staff and europe and bibi and fucking baggers and and and…) for four years.

finally, these aren't actual debates.

Incitefully_Joe September 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Romney's ridiculous claims are only one man's truth, squad.

pdiddycornchips September 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Mitt will ride a jet ski through the lake of dishonesty. That is when Barry will hit him with a Predator drone of truthiness.

CommieDad September 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Truth. The only true things are death and taxes. Oh and the Bible. And maybe Rush Limbaugh. Oh, and every FUCKING WORD OUT OF PAT O'RIELY'S mouth.

So it should be easy for Mitt, as he is an expert on death (having died and been rebuilt as a robot), taxes (as in not paying them), the Bible (and the book of mormon which is totally true), and he just repeats what Rush says, and he must DVR Pat's show, so…. Win Mitt.

WIDTAP September 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

If Mitt's pants burst into flames 60 times and Obama's do so twice, then you have obviously oversampled in your reporting.

LibertyLover September 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

RWNJ: That's just PROOF that both sides do it.

ibwilliamsi September 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Has anyone bothered to explain to Bishop Romney that if he is going to do a "hold President Obama to the facts" debate that he can't lie, and can't include "Fauxfacts"?

docterry6973 September 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Romney is aware that he is a serial flip-flopper and pathological liar, isn't he? I mean, I thought it was his plan to lie. Now he is scaring me.

a_pink_poodle September 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

This'll be amusing!

Fox n Fiends September 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

All Barry has to do is quote Jesus from the Bible, then ask Bishop Willard if its a true or false quotation. Oh the fun they'd have.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Oh, you are so very bad in the very best of ways.

chascates September 27, 2012 at 6:19 pm

“We're a candidate now, and when we act, we create our own politifacts."

YerMa September 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Hey Politifact, can you make Mitt's gif be magical underpants on fire, please?

zumpie September 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Oh MIttens, returning to the well again??? Is this because "I know you are but what am I???" has been such a successful strategy the previous 50 catrillion times you've employed it?

anniegetyerfun September 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm

God, I hope he shouts "YOU LIE!" right in the middle of one of Obama's rebuttals. It worked so well last time.

Grantmonkey September 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Romney’s strategy for the up coming Presidential debates is to have an Easy Button installed on his podium that plays Joe Wilson's "You lie" shout at Obama's State of the Union Address.

mosjef September 27, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Mutt is an equal opportunity liar. He pulls shit out of both sides of his ass. Everytime he lies in the debates he should be hit in the head with a rubber mallet and there should be this big BOING! sound effect. I volunteer for the mallet duties.

Terry September 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"Mitt Romney plans to turn himself into a one-man truth squad during the first presidential debate next week, casting President Barack Obama as someone who can’t be trusted to stick to the facts or keep his promises."

Oh man, Romney has gone to 100% self parody. This is going to work just as we'll as when Romney attacked Obama on China, after Romney made a fortune sending jobs to China.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 11:21 pm

And it’s true, that is a lie, because Obama has a tracksuit on underneath so that he’ll feel comfortable.

Okay, that was just brilliant.

DemmeFatale September 27, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I SO don't trust these jokers.
Way to distract everyone, and take the heat off Mitt.

(But I have total faith in the wise and knowing cynics of Obama's team.)

Ducksworthy September 27, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Oh, Sweet Jesus.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

Okay, I think it's about time that the president shut this thing down, already. Mitt fucked himself over for a good month, and eventually the media's going to turn due to bad news saturation for Romney. So, it's time to beat the turn and bury this fucker…with votes.

valthemus September 28, 2012 at 1:40 am

I'm guessing at some point Mitt will say, "Well, there you go again, Barack!" fully aware that Ronald Reagan is as dead as his campaign.

I wonder: Will Mittzy's handlers remember to switch off his Condescending Prick Mode?

DemonicRage September 28, 2012 at 3:52 am

The fact that this new idea comes on a day when, for the first time in the campaign, Romney remembers that he was Governor of Mass. and cites his health plan there as evidence that he does care about people (even though he has pledged to take health care away from 30 million Americans the first day he is in office) shows that we are dealing with someone who is literally stinking with desperation (the Stench!).

old_blu September 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Someone needs to tell Romney "pot kettle"

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 11:25 am

Young Mittens must have watched the Flip Wilson Show one too many times. I know that's where I learned that "…a lie is just as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it."

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Got off track… I actually have a small, adorable female dog. Who occasionally makes a racist remark. Which is odd, because she's all black herself.

gullywompr September 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I choose to remain stone-faced about this.

finallyhappy September 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

a self hating dog?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I didn't know dogs could bark "GINGER!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

True story, a friend of mine once rescued a sheepdog from the pound who barked incessantly at black people. It would have been more awkward if she hadn't lived in Bothell.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Yeah, that.

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