the horror

CNN Tells Of Harrowing Dangers Mitt Romney Faced In 1968 France (While Avoiding The Vietnam War)

Perhaps you thought Mitt Romney’s time in France, in 1968, while raking in Dick Cheney-level numbers of military deferments from serving in Vietnam, was all sunshine and brie. Well CNN’s “Romney Revealed” has another think coming at you! “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger. You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”! There weren’t napalmings or burning villages or fraggings or snipers, but there were definitely marches!

Tommy Christopher at Mediaite watched so we wouldn’t have to:

[S]ays fellow Romney missionary Mike Bush, “There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

“There were no letters from home,” Bush continues. “The money at the time came via check. That was our lifeline was getting letters from home.”

You guys, while other people’s sons were killing and being killed, governor’s son MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK. And people say Mitt Romney doesn’t understand the plight of the common man.

[Mediaite]

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297 comments

    1. MissTaken

      They do! But of course the focus of the scene was how everyone thought Mitt was dead, when really he was just unconscious. Fuck the lady that really died, Mitt had a boo-boo!

      1. Boojum

        Mitt died. He was replaced by a Muslin robot in the hospital. He is the reel terrist. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!!1!

    1. SmutBoffin

      THEN ONE TIME ROMNEY GOT WHACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A BAGUETTE DURING A PARTICULARLY UNRULY DEMONSTRATION

      1. schvitzatura

        Which I'm sure would go great and help to cut through the richness of a bastardized LDS version of Pommes Anna.

        Pommes de terre Funerial, servis dans le style de l'Église de Jésus-Christ des Saints des Derniers Jours, as it were.

        Bonne Santé, Mitt…whoopsie! Forgot you people can't imbibe. So sorry…

  1. Maman

    I could see how Mittens was evangelizing amongst the protesters in that footage. He was practically at war. Huzzah!

    Just imagine what a nightmare it would have been to travel down to the American Express office to pick up that wire transfer from home.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Le Jesus Christ. I travelled the length of France with my family in 1968 and lemme tell you it was harrowing. Finding a hotel every night was exhausting, especially when we also had to also locate a Bistro for dinner. Vacations sometimes can be hell, especially when you run into a couple of Mormons who didn’t appreciate a coffee avec cognac for breakfast.

      1. sewollef

        I lived in Toulouse and that coffee and cognac is a friggin' ritual. I think it's so they can get up the nerve to go in the office, before their next vacation comes around.

        1. chicken_thief

          And in the autopsy, they found his severed penis lodged in her throat?! I heard that one time about someone. I had no idea it was Mitt.

      1. Chichikovovich

        No, the Catholic priest who was driving the other car survived. They do, however, blame everything on him and hint broadly that he had been drinking, whenever they have spoken to the US media about it. It's, of course, always arms-length third parties doing the smearing.

      1. ThundercatHo

        True story: When my son was 5 he had memorized "Mr. Toad on the Road" because we had read it to him so many times. First time they had to bring their favorite book into kindergarten he brought the book and pretended to read it to the class. His teacher was so impressed by his early reading skills she sent me a note. I wrote back, "Ask him to read something else."

    1. Steverino247

      Saw a guy on a bike get hit by a taxi when I was in Paris. Not seriously injured, but more so than the taxi driver wanted him to be.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      No snark, this is true: a couple of pretty mademoiselles have invented a safety device to replace the bike helmet. It looks like an attractive scarf looped around the neck (how French!) but upon impact it bursts into an airbag that surrounds the head. They have raised more than a million euros from private investors to put it into production. They did it because they thought bike helmets were too ugly to wear.

  2. PsycWench

    "“The money at the time came via check." as opposed to everyone else's money in 1968, which was directly deposited into the bank.

    1. MOG2410

      Or from Western Union, or at the AMEX office. Even I knew how to get money, not that there was any to get.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Yeah like they were gonna be riding a bus anyways. Them rich ones like their drivers on a more "personal" level. Like, one per.

  3. Barbara_

    Yeah, but that check arrived with more zeros in a row than the line that forms for a Sarah Palin book signing.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Dennis Miller once said, "If I got the call from Publisher's Clearing House, I wouldn't claim the prize, because that would be an admission that I opened that fuckin' envelope in the first place. I don't want to be grouped in with their 'winners'. You thought there were a lot of zeros in the prize…?"

  4. no_gravity

    Those checks from home were critical when he stayed at the hotel frequented by hookers who demanded cash in advance.

    1. MissTaken

      This 'documentary' also talked about Mitt protesting his first year at Stanford (before he went to France). Mitt was protesting the protestors who were protesting Vietnam. He protested while wearing a suit and tie, because he is the world's most perfect dick.

      1. vtxmcrider

        Believe me, that's about the quality of Romney's French. And Ann supposedly majored in French, so she will understand when I say to her, "Va te faire enculer, vieille petite connasse!"

  5. Blunderthing

    At times the brie was not runny. And the French made fun of his silly ties. They also blew Galoise smoke in his face and those things stink, even to the people who smoke them.

  6. Jus_Wonderin

    This is about to make me retroactively sad for the Mittenz. I was very young during that war. But every night you'd be reminded of the sacrifice.

    The Romney Class doesn't fight in wars. They have others that do that sort of thing for them.

    1. kittensdontlie

      I can only guess that many vets will state unequivocally, that they are very glad Mittens was not leading troops in Vietnam.

  7. BloviateMe

    …and he never once complained about it. Wow, I cannot even imagine living through that.

    Did you ever know that Mitt’s, Mitt’s hero,
    and everything Mitt would like to be?
    Mitt can fly higher than an eagle,
    'cause Mitt is the wind beneath Mitt’s wings.

    1. mbobier

      Let the eagle soar….. Like she's never soared before…. Right over to France…. to escape the war…..

    1. emmelemm

      He had to lace his magic underwear really, really tight.*

      *I have no idea if magic underwear laces, it just seems like it would.

    2. vtxmcrider

      That is because the French saw him as one big anus, and they were just too confused about exactly which part to dickpoke.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    It is always wise to bring up something that can make you look like a huge wussified Franco-hider right when no one has been talking about it yet because of all the other terrible, stupid, ridiculous shit he's done JUST THIS WEEK. Mitt's so good at reminding us of things to hate about him.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Then he heard not one, but TWO, verses of the Internationale.

      The PTSD he acquired from this compelled him to invent Romneycare.

    2. Jus_Wonderin

      I heard that, in his morning shower, he would allow himself a rousing chant of "Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese………….."

  9. actor212

    “There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    Sacre bleu! Young helzee men had to walk and to go wissout le TV or le radio from time to time for brief eentervalz!

    Qu'elle dommage! Zat seenks eet! Ah am voting for le Meet Romnai!

    1. vtxmcrider

      One of Romney's earliest recollections of France was the first conversion he tried to make. A Frenchman answered the door with his large glass of wine, and Romney started to ask him if he wanted to see Mitt's magic underwear. The man yelled "Puanteur!" as he slammed the door in his face. After careful inquiry, he learned that it means "stench," hence the origin of his current nickname. But today he still insists that it sounds much classier in French.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I ended up sleeping with three of them, just passing through Charles de Gaulle on a connecting flight to Dubai. It was harrowing.

  10. weejee

    Mittenz, perhaps you'd have preferred to be with me watchin' Uncle Ho's namesake trail in Cambodia? Here's a pistola and a flashlight, the tunnel is over there. Go take a peek and see if Charlie is home. If he is, ask if he wants to come out and play?

  11. imissopus

    You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”!

    Ooooo, there were none of those things in America in the 60s! Truly Mitt is a brave warrior.

  12. ChernobylSoup

    Straight to Hell, the Clash's biting rebuke of how the US treated all the kids Mitt fathered in France, is being remastered and released in November.

    1. Come here a minute

      Let me tell you 'bout your blood bamboo kid,
      It ain't Coca-Cola,
      Because Mormons do not consume caffeine.

    1. comrad_darkness

      After he ran out of blow, he thought that. Most of the time he probably thought everyone was totally cool, dig?

  13. johnnymeatworth

    Wait till they break the story of how his wingtips were viciously scuffed during one of those marches….

  14. actor212

    MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK

    But Editrix! It had to clear the bank AND be converted from American dollars to French francs! That could take weeks!

    IT HAD TO CLEAR THE BANKS!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I swear, it's not like that's how EVERYONE did that ALWAYS then for God's sake. I guess that was a problem then too, having to be one of "those" people. Did he not just bring some sacks of gold along with? Planning, jack off, it's called being prepared.

      1. actor212

        Right, the trick was to call home for a check weeks before you even knew you needed it.

        Basically, when you get the last one, you pick up the phone the next day.

    2. schvitzatura

      Pre-Bretton Woods Deux. Probably he counted out real gold-backed bank notes and all.

      Filthy lucre shined much brighter then…

  15. YouBetcha

    So then, the shop girl behind the counter at the boulangerie told me they were out of petits pain au chocolat! Isn't that a riot? But we made do, with tarte tatin and some cafe au lait.

    1. vtxmcrider

      If Mitt knows anything, it's asskissing and pandering. Fuck that Maple Leaf shit. His backpack sported the Fleudelisé, the flag of Québec, under which he stiched his birth name, Mittérand Romnée.

  16. the_onceler

    It's pretty horrible there now so I can understand what Romney's buddy was talking about. Why I recently spent a morning along the Seine having to bike and not a drive an SUV. What's worse is that the bike is **shared** with others. The worst thing of all though was that these people spoke English funny.

  17. randcoolcatdaddy

    "There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    What? He went to rural North Carolina?

  18. KeepFnThatChicken

    All of that turmoil, and only the filthy '67 Chateau Gruaud Larose du St Julien to wet their parched young Mor(m)on mouths.. Woe, woe, woe…

  19. SexySmurf

    Did Mittens actually convert anyone to his space religion while he was there? Because it seems like the French still enjoy the blowjobs.

    1. Weenus299

      He did. Jet ski, three of his boys, Rafalca. Wonderful time, sunshine, level trees, open aircraft windows.

  20. sharethegrief

    At this point, this is just sad. Lots of letters went to Viet Nam only to be returned to the sender because their son/husband/brother/friend/cousin was already dead.
    Nobody can humanize Romney or his life.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Honestly, I don't blame anyone who tried to keep themselves out of Vietnam by whatever means necessary, because fuck that shit.

      But then going on to forcefully and visibly advocate for it? That's just…tacky.

  21. Mittens Howell, III

    Stop it! America should be grateful that someone of Mitt's character and expertise was willing to serve in Fance–recruiting French socialists to his jesus cult and probly not sleeping with French ladies, and definitely not drinking French coffee or smoking those effeminate French cigarettes.

    Cos war is H.E. Double Hockey Sticks.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Can you imagine what a terrible soldier he would be? Kind of like the character in Animal House who gets shot by his own troops.

    2. zumpie

      This is hard. If you think this is so easy, get in the ring.

      I must now go dress myself like Pat Boone covering metal songs meets Alexis Carringaton on Dynasty for my Leno appearance.

  22. CommieDad

    Mitt is such a fucking hero. Heroically bringing those papist frogs over to Jesus, er Joe Smith, and saving them from eternal damnation now and after their death. A true inspiration. While others where forced to die and kill for America, he was forced to witness protest, live without electricity a few hours a week, and still smile and bring Jesus, sort of, to these folks.

  23. mayor_quimby

    Mittens has always been a buzzkill. All that pre-AIDS French tail walking around in miniskirts, and he's telling women to go to church? Wasted opportunity dude.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm sure he had equally spectacular success convincing them not to drink their Burgundies, Bordeaux, and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. Might as well be proselytizing in a Dublin pub.

  24. rickmaci

    Bateau rapide sur la Seine? We can only imagine the horror he saw. We all thank him for his service. Not.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      "…….I still wake up to the sounds of Citroens buzzing by……and the smell….that smell….Gauloises and cafe au lait……..the horror…..the horror……. "

      1. iburl

        Hotel… shit; I'm still only in my hotel… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back on the streets of Paris. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a horse. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back onto my bike. I'm here a week now… waiting for a mission… getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Pierre squats in a café, he gets ruder. Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter.

  25. AncienReggie

    My cousin comes from a poor Mormon family and he got sent to Calcutta to do his missionary stint. Probably just luck of the draw, right?

    But that line from Gloria Borger is so, so funny — In 1968, Paris was a dangerous place and Mitt Romney was right there in the thick of it. Hoot, hoot!

  26. Oblios_Cap

    The electricity would go off from time-to-time

    Hell, that happens here every time it clouds up. Where's my Purple Heart?

  27. Jus_Wonderin

    You think in those days they could have telexed the money to Mitt. Then Mitt could scream out "My checks in the wire! My checks in the wire!"

  28. OneYieldRegular

    That Mitt Romney was in Paris in May 1968 and was so utterly clueless as to what was going on around him says a lot about why he is the way he is today.

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    1968 Paris? Yeah! Mitt Jagger was inspired; betcha y'all didn't know he wrote the lyrics for Street Fightin' Man.

  30. oenspiek

    Paris, 1968, was the dismal recess of crawling DANGER! This is Mittens' unsung badge of heroism! As soon as Mittens buys himself the POTUS office, he should immediately award himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which has unjustly been denied him!

  31. poorgradstudent

    To be fair (sort of), the protests of 1968 in France were among the largest in history and brought down Charles de Gaule's government, but it's definitely, as they say, CNNesque to suggest that Romney – or really any American – was in actual danger or even just experiencing actual hardship.

    I mean, depending on who you ask there was a chance a violent revolution might have broken out (at least, more so than usual in modern France!), but even at the height of the protests France was a safer place to be than plenty of places in just Europe.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Quelle horreur! The revolution in the US could be said to have brought down Lyndon Johnson's government, too. There were possibilities of violent revolts in this country (Chicago, anyone?) Of all places to be sent as a Mormon missionary at that time, France was probably one of the safest, except for the road in front of my house.

      Romney's not looking for "fair"-ness, but for sympathy and a way to dodge the label of "draft dodger." And CNN is looking for blow jobs from Romney staffers.

  32. Radiotherapy

    One time during War on Terror we found a BB dent my wife's minivan. ZOMG, the sheer horror. For once I can understand what Mitt has been through.

  33. Indiepalin

    Why is the lamestream media hiding the details of Mitt's road trip to Morocco with Keith Richards, Anita Pallenberg and Brian Jones?

  34. James Michael Curley

    May I speak for all the veterans from all the armed services for all the last seventy years who served in a combat zone or who did not serve in a combat zone but woke up every morning with the existential reality that in the following week they may be in any of the three dozen combat zones our country has created; "Fuck You Mitt Romney and your draft deferment procuring, Dick Nixon advising father who hypocritically did nothing to end the Vietnam war even after he blamed brain washing as the reason his opinion on the war changed when he realized that a 1968 Presidential Candidate who promoted the war would go down in flames!."

    If you think I should not let me know.

    1. MoeDeLawn

      As a draftee who served only one country away from France (east of France, west of Berlin), your sentiments align perfectly with mine.

      Especially the "Fuck You" part.

      1. James Michael Curley

        And if it was 1968, while Romney was whooping it up in the sunny south of France there was that little issue of Czechoslovakia and the imminent danger that the Red Hoards would keep on coming. For those in Germany those days and years before and afterward life was not all Merlot and Brie as the disengagement of France from its military commitment to NATO made the likelihood that any emergency was a real potential catastrophe as the US European forces were starved by NATO and being starved by the DOD because of the epic build up in Vietnam. So, good job without you Romney’s ass would have been grass.

  35. YasserArraFeck

    I hear Mitt got into a knockdown dragout fistfight with Marcel Marceau – both of them gave a touching rendition of punching their way out of an extremely large invisible wet paper bag.

  36. Antispandex

    If someone is willing to send me to France for a few weeks of research, just to confirm the story, I'm willing to take the hit.

  37. Ruhe

    Wow! A regular Henry Miller, that Mitt. The frisson of danger caused by the irregularities of public transportation and the postal service must have made his magic undies practically incandescent.

  38. DemmeFatale

    Don't you just love how everything is getting worse and worse for Rmoney?
    Every time they try to show how he'a a "regular guy," it just blows up in their faces.

    (I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      "(I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)"

      Especially when a friend of yours owns the company that makes the voting machines,.

  39. Selfish_T

    Talking about lack of train service? Y'all experts? Y'all know about the electricity going off from time to time? I'd like to hear about it, potheads.

  40. Ruhe

    Using the book of Mormon as a European travel guide…proselytizing to bored Frenchies on behalf of your made-up religion as a path to reaching your very own "Lonely Planet".

  41. CindynEncinitas

    Maybe he barely managed to dodge a croissant that was hurled at his perfect, shiny face by a snotty Frenchman speeding by on a Vespa! Mon dieu!

  42. BaldarTFlagass

    ♫And it's one, two, three, what am I preachin' for?
    Don't ask me I don't give a dam',
    I'll never go to Viet Nam!
    And it's five, six, seven, I'll guarantee you pearly gates.
    Aw, there ain't no time to wonder why
    Whoopee I ain't gonna die!♪

  43. rickmaci

    “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger."

    Really? Dangerous? Exactly how many Americans died in France in 1968, other than those killed by Mitt Romney's bad driving? I always thought Borger had some journalistic integrity but apparently I was totally wrong.

  44. Poindexter718

    The protests and irregular train & postal service schtick is complete malarkey.
    On the other hand, it does take uncommon valor to go door to door attempting to convert the French to any bullshit religion.

  45. kyeshinka

    I can totally relate. When I lived in Moscow I was overcharged for a can of Gin and Tonic at the Kazan train station. I was pissed.

  46. zumpie

    "There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    So Thurston told JJ Abrams about his harrowing experience and Abrams used it as his template for his horribly stupid show, Revolution? Cause both of these entail some serious suspension of disbelief.

  47. BlueStateLibel

    The last time I was in France, the only danger I was in was from the glances of very handsome French men. I suppose it was just as dangerous for Mitt.

  48. sati_demise

    And he couldn't get Kraft Miracle Whip either. Or Campbells Soup, Spam or Jello mold.

    They put pickle relish on oysters, too.

    horrors

  49. Steverino247

    Some crazy Armenians blew up the Turkish Tourist Office in Paris in 1978. Just missed killing me, the wife and our only child at the time.

    Have CNN call me.

  50. chascates

    Fortunately being a draft dodger is no impediment to high office for a Republican. In fact having no experience with actual military service or combat makes it easier to send others children to fight for oil!

  51. Slim_Pickins

    George couldn't just send a Mexican cousin, er minion, over with a satchel of cash when Mitt was running low?

  52. dcjdjay

    There were no buses, trains or planes in France in 1968?

    WTF. Who do they think is buying this sh*t?

    France in 1968 was among the world's most advanced nations, about a century ahead of Mittens' Utah, or Michigan or wherever the @$%$ he's from.

  53. Neoyorquino

    Conditions were nightmarish. Mittens was forced to subsist on crudités with no dipping sauce of any kind, unwarmed brie, and the most pedestrian of wines.

  54. DahBoner

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    It's so dangerous here (OK, mostly my shitty driving skills).

    The people speak gibberish, do not bathe and none of them laugh at my joke about how Dad can never look another potatoe in the eye!

    Weird, huh?

    SEND MONEY, GUNS AND LAWYERS!!!

    Sincerely,

    Mit [sic]

  55. docterry6973

    We are so lucky that Mitt was not sucked into the bloody maelstrom of 1968 France, so that we would be lucky enough to have Mitt run in 2012, so that we would be lucky enough to have him run our (or more precisely, his) country.

  56. Shadowmuffin

    What they don't tell you is that those riots were over Mitt Romney's insults about their wine and cheese.

  57. Toomush_Infer

    Paris? Dangerous? 1968? He should have been in San Francisco! Remember the assholes who swiftboated Kerrey? Fuck Mitt Romney, fuck Rafalca and the little asswipe, Ryan, he's trying to ride in on….

  58. bearperney

    I spent 14 months in Viet Nam with the 101st (1969-70) in the I Corps area.

    Still, I don't regret the experience; I found out a lot about who I was and got some very real insights into life. …not to mention lessons learned on leaves to Bangkok and Taipei!

    I would definitely not exchange that experience for Mitt's experience of dry, virtuous years in Paris trying to convert people to a ridiculous religion.

    1. grex1949

      I agree. I spent 9 months at the end of my four-year enlistment at Marble Mountain Air Facility, near Da Nang, which is also in I-Corps. I would not trade this life-altering experience for a mission tour in Paris, either. I did not face the deprivations Bear certainly faced as a member of the elite Army Airborne (I was a Marine "wing-wiper" and part-time air crewman during my Viet Nam tour), Mitt's time in Paris does sound pretty harrowing in the CNN piece. The only thing missing was that insignificant "there-are-people-out-there-trying-to-kill-me" element that separates service in a war zone apart from, uh, camping out in the woods or living in a mansion in Paris with servants.

  59. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Oh for fuck's sake. These people. Et fucking cetera:

    For most of 1968, Mitt lived in the Mission Home, a 19th century neoclassical building in the chic 16th arrondissement of Paris. “It was a house built by and for rich people,” said Richard Anderson, the son of the mission president at the time of Mr Romney’s stay. “I would describe it as a palace”. The Mission Home featured stained glass windows, chandeliers, and an extensive art collection. It was staffed by two servants – a Spanish chef and a houseboy.
    The Telegraph, 15 December 2011

    Tragically, there was no chauffeur.

  60. littlebigdaddy

    I don't know. Dangerous duty in those days. All those chicks with armpit hair and the b.o. thick as teargas around the Fontaine St. Michel.

  61. unclejeems

    Their lifeline from home–as if mid de 20th siecle France was a barren rock in the middle of the Atlantic. Sheesh.

  62. ttommyunger

    Gloria Borger: mouth like a torn pocket, cunt like a horse-collar, brain like a chick-pea. The fact that this woman is still given a forum speaks volumes as to the miserable state of our Media.

  63. labman57

    Harrowing dangers?

    Confronting rude waiters at his favorite sidewalk Bistro?
    Navigating traffic along the Place Charles de Gaulle?

  64. ibwilliamsi

    Do you know how to keep a Mormon from drinking on a camping trip? Invite another Mormon.

    Mitt was busy not drinking. It was harrowing.

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