THE HORROR  2:06 pm September 27, 2012

CNN Tells Of Harrowing Dangers Mitt Romney Faced In 1968 France (While Avoiding The Vietnam War)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Perhaps you thought Mitt Romney’s time in France, in 1968, while raking in Dick Cheney-level numbers of military deferments from serving in Vietnam, was all sunshine and brie. Well CNN’s “Romney Revealed” has another think coming at you! “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger. You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”! There weren’t napalmings or burning villages or fraggings or snipers, but there were definitely marches!

Tommy Christopher at Mediaite watched so we wouldn’t have to:

[S]ays fellow Romney missionary Mike Bush, “There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

“There were no letters from home,” Bush continues. “The money at the time came via check. That was our lifeline was getting letters from home.”

You guys, while other people’s sons were killing and being killed, governor’s son MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK. And people say Mitt Romney doesn’t understand the plight of the common man.

[Mediaite]

 
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{ 297 comments }

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Did CNN talk about killing his boss's wife too, also?

MissTaken September 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

They do! But of course the focus of the scene was how everyone thought Mitt was dead, when really he was just unconscious. Fuck the lady that really died, Mitt had a boo-boo!

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Mitt died. He was replaced by a Muslin robot in the hospital. He is the reel terrist. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!!1!

chicken_thief September 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

If Mitt was Moozlin, his name would be Willard Hussien Romney. Duh.

An Asexual Ungulate September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

And he'd be a secret blah, just like Obama.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:29 am

And the robot was manufactured in…**gasp**…Guadalajara!

Respitetini September 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

OMG THE CHEESE!

Mojopo September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Unpasteurized! He could have died!

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

THEN ONE TIME ROMNEY GOT WHACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A BAGUETTE DURING A PARTICULARLY UNRULY DEMONSTRATION

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

That had to be a CIA plant. No Frenchman would waste le midi like that.

IncenseDebate September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Causes CONSTIPATION!

comrad_darkness September 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

And the thin, acidic wines! Lakes of them!

schvitzatura September 28, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Which I'm sure would go great and help to cut through the richness of a bastardized LDS version of Pommes Anna.

Pommes de terre Funerial, servis dans le style de l'Église de Jésus-Christ des Saints des Derniers Jours, as it were.

Bonne Santé, Mitt…whoopsie! Forgot you people can't imbibe. So sorry…

DerrickWildcat September 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

It's only in the Director's cut of, "Apocalypse Now."

Schmannnity September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

"Paris . . . . . Fuck"

Antispandex September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

He needed a mission, and for his sins, they gave him one.

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

So good. Ha!

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I LOVE the smell of croissants in the morning!

Pres.Beeblebrox September 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

France is the new Uganda.

sbj1964 September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Mitt Romeny the last King of Utah?

BloviateMe September 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Greedy Amin?

nounverb911 September 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Don't forget all the pagan ribaldry on Beaujolais Nouveau Thursday.

Maman September 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I could see how Mittens was evangelizing amongst the protesters in that footage. He was practically at war. Huzzah!

Just imagine what a nightmare it would have been to travel down to the American Express office to pick up that wire transfer from home.

Antispandex September 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

CHECKS! No fancy wire transfers. This was the REAL war!

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And he probably had to put his money in a regular bank where he only earned a few centimes in interest. Oh, the humanity!!

WhatTheHeck September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Le Jesus Christ. I travelled the length of France with my family in 1968 and lemme tell you it was harrowing. Finding a hotel every night was exhausting, especially when we also had to also locate a Bistro for dinner. Vacations sometimes can be hell, especially when you run into a couple of Mormons who didn’t appreciate a coffee avec cognac for breakfast.

sewollef September 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

I lived in Toulouse and that coffee and cognac is a friggin' ritual. I think it's so they can get up the nerve to go in the office, before their next vacation comes around.

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

And there was that one time, where he killed a woman in his car and died and was replaced by a robot.

PubOption September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I thought he killed a Catholic priest in the car accident.

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

No, it was the wife of the mission President.

chicken_thief September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

And in the autopsy, they found his severed penis lodged in her throat?! I heard that one time about someone. I had no idea it was Mitt.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2012 at 6:12 pm

No, the Catholic priest who was driving the other car survived. They do, however, blame everything on him and hint broadly that he had been drinking, whenever they have spoken to the US media about it. It's, of course, always arms-length third parties doing the smearing.

MiniMencken September 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"Oh, no, Br'er Fox, doan throw me into that there France!"

eggsacklywright September 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Le pauvre. Le frommage. Mediaite hacks.

sbj1964 September 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Riding around France on a 10 speed is very dangerous.Have you ever seen how those frogs drive?

PubOption September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Mitt had a car, bikes are too plebeian.

Antispandex September 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Have you ever seen how those frogs drive?"

Does Mr. Toad count?

ThundercatHo September 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

True story: When my son was 5 he had memorized "Mr. Toad on the Road" because we had read it to him so many times. First time they had to bring their favorite book into kindergarten he brought the book and pretended to read it to the class. His teacher was so impressed by his early reading skills she sent me a note. I wrote back, "Ask him to read something else."

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm

That was one Wild Ride.

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Saw a guy on a bike get hit by a taxi when I was in Paris. Not seriously injured, but more so than the taxi driver wanted him to be.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm

No snark, this is true: a couple of pretty mademoiselles have invented a safety device to replace the bike helmet. It looks like an attractive scarf looped around the neck (how French!) but upon impact it bursts into an airbag that surrounds the head. They have raised more than a million euros from private investors to put it into production. They did it because they thought bike helmets were too ugly to wear.

Baconzgood September 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

The horror….The horror.

CalvinsChoice September 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The stench…

An Asexual Ungulate September 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

They entered the country as boys, they left as men.

MOG2410 September 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm

How you going to keep'em down on the farm?

PsycWench September 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

"“The money at the time came via check." as opposed to everyone else's money in 1968, which was directly deposited into the bank.

MOG2410 September 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Or from Western Union, or at the AMEX office. Even I knew how to get money, not that there was any to get.

Toomush_Infer September 27, 2012 at 4:24 pm

What money – we just invested in the Fat Freddy method….

vodkamuppet September 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

What, they didn't have bitcoin in 1968?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Oh no! No buses! What shall a bunch of rich kids do?

FakaktaSouth September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Yeah like they were gonna be riding a bus anyways. Them rich ones like their drivers on a more "personal" level. Like, one per.

Nostrildamus September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

To the Jet Skis !!!!

Esteev September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Take me to my tax shelter, paysan.

Generation[redacted] September 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

"Bus Wankers!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Inbetweeners FTW!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Drive, badly.

viennawoods13 September 28, 2012 at 12:28 am

Well,they could drive around in a car… Oh wait. That ended badly.

ibwilliamsi September 29, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Ride their ten-speeds?

Barbara_ September 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Yeah, but that check arrived with more zeros in a row than the line that forms for a Sarah Palin book signing.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

That's a lot of zeros! I've seen those lines.

Baconzgood September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

HEY-OOOOOO!

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

All of his bank balances were just the right height.

KeepFnThatChicken September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Dennis Miller once said, "If I got the call from Publisher's Clearing House, I wouldn't claim the prize, because that would be an admission that I opened that fuckin' envelope in the first place. I don't want to be grouped in with their 'winners'. You thought there were a lot of zeros in the prize…?"

Barbara_ September 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Sigh, and now Dennis Miller drinks his own urine.

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

And he's not climbing mountains or crossing the desert when he does it, either.

no_gravity September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Those checks from home were critical when he stayed at the hotel frequented by hookers who demanded cash in advance.

bureaucrap September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

And Mitt was in the middle of it with a placard reading, "Stop Protesting! Go to Vietnam Instead!!!!"

PsycWench September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Someone has to go to Vietnam. It may as well be someone other than me".

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

And extra points if it's a ferriner.

MissTaken September 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

This 'documentary' also talked about Mitt protesting his first year at Stanford (before he went to France). Mitt was protesting the protestors who were protesting Vietnam. He protested while wearing a suit and tie, because he is the world's most perfect dick.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"LE BEHAVE! STOP RAPING LE PEOPLE! L'ANIMALES!"

vtxmcrider September 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Believe me, that's about the quality of Romney's French. And Ann supposedly majored in French, so she will understand when I say to her, "Va te faire enculer, vieille petite connasse!"

Blunderthing September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

At times the brie was not runny. And the French made fun of his silly ties. They also blew Galoise smoke in his face and those things stink, even to the people who smoke them.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

This was so long ago, the French had freshly bathed.

M. Bouffant September 28, 2012 at 4:56 am

Gauloise libel!!

coolhandnuke September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Paris, Texas 1968 was a far, far scarier place than its' foreign namesake. Still is always will be.

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

This is about to make me retroactively sad for the Mittenz. I was very young during that war. But every night you'd be reminded of the sacrifice.

The Romney Class doesn't fight in wars. They have others that do that sort of thing for them.

kittensdontlie September 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I can only guess that many vets will state unequivocally, that they are very glad Mittens was not leading troops in Vietnam.

BloviateMe September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

…and he never once complained about it. Wow, I cannot even imagine living through that.

Did you ever know that Mitt’s, Mitt’s hero,
and everything Mitt would like to be?
Mitt can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause Mitt is the wind beneath Mitt’s wings.

mbobier September 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Let the eagle soar….. Like she's never soared before…. Right over to France…. to escape the war…..

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Son vin transformé en vinaigre?

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

C'est dommage. Ou fromage.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Ou frottage

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Mieux!

vtxmcrider September 27, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Putain de Dieu! Un miracle du petit Jésus!

Typodong3 September 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Check out the new Romney video on Motherjones…. it gets worse.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"It takes Bain eight years to turn around a company."

But he expected America to be fixed in four.

EatsBabyDingos September 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

And the French farted in his general direction. I still do.

elviouslyqueer September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Plus, let's not forget that 1968 was the year in which shameless Marxist-Leninist homosexuals and big flaming queer theorists were running around Paris being all gay and shit. It's a wonder Rmoney got out with his anus intact!

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

He had to lace his magic underwear really, really tight.*

*I have no idea if magic underwear laces, it just seems like it would.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Magically laces, sort of like in Harry Potter.

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'm magically unlacing your underwear with the power of my mind.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 4:21 pm

You have powers beyond my understanding.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I was picturing snaps. Like babies have on their footie pajamas.

BarryOPotter September 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm

It's a wonder Rmoney got out with his anus intact!

…or did he?

MOG2410 September 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The almost summer of love!

vtxmcrider September 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

That is because the French saw him as one big anus, and they were just too confused about exactly which part to dickpoke.

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

OH COME ON!!!!

Designer_Rants September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

OH FER FUCKS SAKE!!!!

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

WHAT DO THEY TAKE US FOR?!!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Republicans?

FakaktaSouth September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

It is always wise to bring up something that can make you look like a huge wussified Franco-hider right when no one has been talking about it yet because of all the other terrible, stupid, ridiculous shit he's done JUST THIS WEEK. Mitt's so good at reminding us of things to hate about him.

PsycWench September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And it was so awkward because Mitt didn't know ANY of the marching songs.

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Then he heard not one, but TWO, verses of the Internationale.

The PTSD he acquired from this compelled him to invent Romneycare.

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I heard that, in his morning shower, he would allow himself a rousing chant of "Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese………….."

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Seems to me a song like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Marseillaise was written with guys like Mitt in mind.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

“There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

Sacre bleu! Young helzee men had to walk and to go wissout le TV or le radio from time to time for brief eentervalz!

Qu'elle dommage! Zat seenks eet! Ah am voting for le Meet Romnai!

vtxmcrider September 27, 2012 at 5:41 pm

One of Romney's earliest recollections of France was the first conversion he tried to make. A Frenchman answered the door with his large glass of wine, and Romney started to ask him if he wanted to see Mitt's magic underwear. The man yelled "Puanteur!" as he slammed the door in his face. After careful inquiry, he learned that it means "stench," hence the origin of his current nickname. But today he still insists that it sounds much classier in French.

Goonemeritus September 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And let’s not forget the French women, even today you need to be careful around them.

EatsBabyDingos September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And the men they hang with, like Harry Armpits.

Oblios_Cap September 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Waht with their hairy armpits and seductive wiles.

Terry September 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

There was also alcohol and coffee everywhere he looked. The temptation of it all!

CindynEncinitas September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

And leather boobs because they don't believe in modest swim costumes like here.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Harlots of Satan, I'm told. Always punishing each other with spankings.

anniegetyerfun September 27, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I ended up sleeping with three of them, just passing through Charles de Gaulle on a connecting flight to Dubai. It was harrowing.

Joshua Norton September 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

The new definition of "gaff" is "something Romney says while speaking on a microphone."

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Mitt is going to debate Obama via a prepared written statement.

zumpie September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

And he'll still manage to fuck the dog.

shelwood46 September 27, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Mitt has genuinely declared that he is going to "fact check" Obama during the debate. Truth>fiction.

Boojum September 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I think me means "check" in the sense of "prevent him from using".

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 4:00 pm

…and "GAAHHH!" is what I say if I'm listening…

weejee September 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Mittenz, perhaps you'd have preferred to be with me watchin' Uncle Ho's namesake trail in Cambodia? Here's a pistola and a flashlight, the tunnel is over there. Go take a peek and see if Charlie is home. If he is, ask if he wants to come out and play?

sharethegrief September 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Glad you're still with us.

weejee September 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Thanks.

imissopus September 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”!

Ooooo, there were none of those things in America in the 60s! Truly Mitt is a brave warrior.

ChernobylSoup September 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Straight to Hell, the Clash's biting rebuke of how the US treated all the kids Mitt fathered in France, is being remastered and released in November.

Come here a minute September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Let me tell you 'bout your blood bamboo kid,
It ain't Coca-Cola,
Because Mormons do not consume caffeine.

Schmannnity September 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Even George W. Bush of the Texas Air National Guard thinks he is a pussy coward.

comrad_darkness September 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm

After he ran out of blow, he thought that. Most of the time he probably thought everyone was totally cool, dig?

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Everything would be perfect, after just one more line…

johnnymeatworth September 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Wait till they break the story of how his wingtips were viciously scuffed during one of those marches….

Wilcoxyz September 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Once, this rude Frenchman hurt his feelings. But did Pres. Johnson give Mitt a medal?

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK

But Editrix! It had to clear the bank AND be converted from American dollars to French francs! That could take weeks!

IT HAD TO CLEAR THE BANKS!

FakaktaSouth September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I swear, it's not like that's how EVERYONE did that ALWAYS then for God's sake. I guess that was a problem then too, having to be one of "those" people. Did he not just bring some sacks of gold along with? Planning, jack off, it's called being prepared.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Right, the trick was to call home for a check weeks before you even knew you needed it.

Basically, when you get the last one, you pick up the phone the next day.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 3:52 pm

The horror. The horror.

schvitzatura September 28, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Pre-Bretton Woods Deux. Probably he counted out real gold-backed bank notes and all.

Filthy lucre shined much brighter then…

EatsBabyDingos September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Victor Hugo should rewrite that there Le Miz book to include Pantene, the orphan hairgeller.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Les Frizzerables?

aussiefromafar September 28, 2012 at 3:00 am

Best thing all week!!!!!!!!!

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Romney REAL poor, tho.

Antispandex September 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm

He was just an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

YouBetcha September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

So then, the shop girl behind the counter at the boulangerie told me they were out of petits pain au chocolat! Isn't that a riot? But we made do, with tarte tatin and some cafe au lait.

CommieDad September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Mitt, now honestly, did you stitch a maple leave to your backpack?

vtxmcrider September 27, 2012 at 5:51 pm

If Mitt knows anything, it's asskissing and pandering. Fuck that Maple Leaf shit. His backpack sported the Fleudelisé, the flag of Québec, under which he stiched his birth name, Mittérand Romnée.

Oblios_Cap September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Not to mention the blahs that had emigrated from the Surrender Monkey's vast African former empire.

the_onceler September 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

It's pretty horrible there now so I can understand what Romney's buddy was talking about. Why I recently spent a morning along the Seine having to bike and not a drive an SUV. What's worse is that the bike is **shared** with others. The worst thing of all though was that these people spoke English funny.

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

we had it worse. we couldn't use our american express card on the bikes.

it was unspeakable.

randcoolcatdaddy September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

What? He went to rural North Carolina?

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Crap. In the Sixties, that would describe Charlotte!

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:47 am

Any now look at it, all Yankified, because everybody there is now a Noo Yawker.

KeepFnThatChicken September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

All of that turmoil, and only the filthy '67 Chateau Gruaud Larose du St Julien to wet their parched young Mor(m)on mouths.. Woe, woe, woe…

eggsacklywright September 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

'67 was not a great vintage. THAT'S how rough he had it. Couldn't afford a '61 or '53.

imissopus September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

So much more dangerous than being in any of France's former colonies, for sure!

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:48 am

New France libel!

Slim_Pickins September 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

It was his magic underwear that protected him in the end.

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

…protected his end, you say?

Sacanagem September 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Yes, that's the part it's supposed to protect.

SexySmurf September 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Did Mittens actually convert anyone to his space religion while he was there? Because it seems like the French still enjoy the blowjobs.

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Arguably their finest gift to man…

bearperney September 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Probably. Though kissing is right up there though.

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

That's humanity. Blowjobs are only for men ;)

SpiderCrab September 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Any truth to the rumor that Mitt landed on the beach at Normandy?

FakaktaSouth September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Only on his Mormon bicycle, that's the hardest way too you know.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Only because he fell off the cliff.

Esteev September 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

While on vacation, Mitt once flew over Normandy.

Weenus299 September 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

He did. Jet ski, three of his boys, Rafalca. Wonderful time, sunshine, level trees, open aircraft windows.

actor212 September 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Everything was fine until he tried to outsource the 101st Airborne to India.

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Thank you, drop again!

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

No, but he has friends whose companies built landing craft for the invasion.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:50 am

Sure, whilst on holiday, mais oui.

sharethegrief September 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

At this point, this is just sad. Lots of letters went to Viet Nam only to be returned to the sender because their son/husband/brother/friend/cousin was already dead.
Nobody can humanize Romney or his life.

CindynEncinitas September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I am grateful my brother got out with just a Purple Heart, but otherwise physically intact.

4TheTurnstiles September 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

He got a clergyman's exemption from the draft after a year at Stanford. This "peace through strength" piece of shit used his family connections and LDS hyperbole (all the males are clergy, by God) to avoid the war he himself supported. I keep posting this because Romney's hypocrisy is stomach turning and I like to puke:
http://www.counterpunch.org/2012/09/07/how-mitt-d

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Honestly, I don't blame anyone who tried to keep themselves out of Vietnam by whatever means necessary, because fuck that shit.

But then going on to forcefully and visibly advocate for it? That's just…tacky.

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Stop it! America should be grateful that someone of Mitt's character and expertise was willing to serve in Fance–recruiting French socialists to his jesus cult and probly not sleeping with French ladies, and definitely not drinking French coffee or smoking those effeminate French cigarettes.

Cos war is H.E. Double Hockey Sticks.

SmutBoffin September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Can you imagine what a terrible soldier he would be? Kind of like the character in Animal House who gets shot by his own troops.

zumpie September 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

This is hard. If you think this is so easy, get in the ring.

I must now go dress myself like Pat Boone covering metal songs meets Alexis Carringaton on Dynasty for my Leno appearance.

CommieDad September 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Mitt is such a fucking hero. Heroically bringing those papist frogs over to Jesus, er Joe Smith, and saving them from eternal damnation now and after their death. A true inspiration. While others where forced to die and kill for America, he was forced to witness protest, live without electricity a few hours a week, and still smile and bring Jesus, sort of, to these folks.

mayor_quimby September 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Mittens has always been a buzzkill. All that pre-AIDS French tail walking around in miniskirts, and he's telling women to go to church? Wasted opportunity dude.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I'm sure he had equally spectacular success convincing them not to drink their Burgundies, Bordeaux, and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. Might as well be proselytizing in a Dublin pub.

Mittens Howell, III September 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

So, bullshit-porn is a thing now?

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

What can a rich boy do, except join a Mormon missionary band? Willard Mittens Romney ain't no name for a street-fightin' man.

IncenseDebate September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I suppose he didn't go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao
He ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

But when you talk about "redistribution," don't you know that you can count Mitt out?!

BlueStateLibel September 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Willard Mittens Romney is no name for a man period.

Maman September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

And as we all know, France was the only place in the world with that kind of protest going on.

rickmaci September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Bateau rapide sur la Seine? We can only imagine the horror he saw. We all thank him for his service. Not.

iburl September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I love the smell of napalm fresh baguettes in the morning.

YasserArraFeck September 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"…….I still wake up to the sounds of Citroens buzzing by……and the smell….that smell….Gauloises and cafe au lait……..the horror…..the horror……. "

iburl September 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Hotel… shit; I'm still only in my hotel… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back on the streets of Paris. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a horse. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back onto my bike. I'm here a week now… waiting for a mission… getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Pierre squats in a café, he gets ruder. Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter.

BarryOPotter September 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Awesome

neiltheblaze September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It was the constant temptation to drink wine that was the real dangerous part.

dennis1943 September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Nothing compared to the war zone in Chicago that year……..Heavens!

gullywompr September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

To this day, Mitt doesn't like to talk about it. Much like his tax returns.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

How can we be sure that he did?

chicken_thief September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

He'll give us people the details later.

Ducksworthy September 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Is CNN still in business? Why?

mrblifil September 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Oh Good LORD!! They speak not our English!!11!!1! #funkypitsncrotches

Oblios_Cap September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It's like they have a different word for everything!

AncienReggie September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

My cousin comes from a poor Mormon family and he got sent to Calcutta to do his missionary stint. Probably just luck of the draw, right?

But that line from Gloria Borger is so, so funny — In 1968, Paris was a dangerous place and Mitt Romney was right there in the thick of it. Hoot, hoot!

Oblios_Cap September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

The electricity would go off from time-to-time

Hell, that happens here every time it clouds up. Where's my Purple Heart?

barto September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Was he in the same unit at Bill O'Really?

Jus_Wonderin September 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

You think in those days they could have telexed the money to Mitt. Then Mitt could scream out "My checks in the wire! My checks in the wire!"

OneYieldRegular September 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That Mitt Romney was in Paris in May 1968 and was so utterly clueless as to what was going on around him says a lot about why he is the way he is today.

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

1968 Paris? Yeah! Mitt Jagger was inspired; betcha y'all didn't know he wrote the lyrics for Street Fightin' Man.

x111e7thst September 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Also: one night he bought Brie only to discover that it had not been aged properly. (True story)

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Monsieur De Gaulle, tear down this baguette!!

Esteev September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

This piece should propel CNN into the upper echelons of cable news continued not to be watched by anyone.

oenspiek September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Paris, 1968, was the dismal recess of crawling DANGER! This is Mittens' unsung badge of heroism! As soon as Mittens buys himself the POTUS office, he should immediately award himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which has unjustly been denied him!

poorgradstudent September 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

To be fair (sort of), the protests of 1968 in France were among the largest in history and brought down Charles de Gaule's government, but it's definitely, as they say, CNNesque to suggest that Romney – or really any American – was in actual danger or even just experiencing actual hardship.

I mean, depending on who you ask there was a chance a violent revolution might have broken out (at least, more so than usual in modern France!), but even at the height of the protests France was a safer place to be than plenty of places in just Europe.

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

You know where else was "a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American" in 1968?

Generation[redacted] September 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Sharon Tate's house?

bobbert September 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I was going for the DNC, but you win.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It's too late for Sharon Tate.

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:54 am

What is just about any major American city, Alex?

Dudleydidwrong September 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Quelle horreur! The revolution in the US could be said to have brought down Lyndon Johnson's government, too. There were possibilities of violent revolts in this country (Chicago, anyone?) Of all places to be sent as a Mormon missionary at that time, France was probably one of the safest, except for the road in front of my house.

Romney's not looking for "fair"-ness, but for sympathy and a way to dodge the label of "draft dodger." And CNN is looking for blow jobs from Romney staffers.

Poindexter718 September 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

L'horreur … l'horreur.

Radiotherapy September 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

One time during War on Terror we found a BB dent my wife's minivan. ZOMG, the sheer horror. For once I can understand what Mitt has been through.

shelwood46 September 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

It's just like 9/11. I was in so much danger in New Jersey. Nightmares.

Indiepalin September 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Why is the lamestream media hiding the details of Mitt's road trip to Morocco with Keith Richards, Anita Pallenberg and Brian Jones?

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

meh. that's what the 47% are for: fighting and dying in the wars that the 1% get us into.

duh.

emmelemm September 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Same as it ever was.

James Michael Curley September 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

May I speak for all the veterans from all the armed services for all the last seventy years who served in a combat zone or who did not serve in a combat zone but woke up every morning with the existential reality that in the following week they may be in any of the three dozen combat zones our country has created; "Fuck You Mitt Romney and your draft deferment procuring, Dick Nixon advising father who hypocritically did nothing to end the Vietnam war even after he blamed brain washing as the reason his opinion on the war changed when he realized that a 1968 Presidential Candidate who promoted the war would go down in flames!."

If you think I should not let me know.

MoeDeLawn September 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

As a draftee who served only one country away from France (east of France, west of Berlin), your sentiments align perfectly with mine.

Especially the "Fuck You" part.

James Michael Curley September 27, 2012 at 7:54 pm

And if it was 1968, while Romney was whooping it up in the sunny south of France there was that little issue of Czechoslovakia and the imminent danger that the Red Hoards would keep on coming. For those in Germany those days and years before and afterward life was not all Merlot and Brie as the disengagement of France from its military commitment to NATO made the likelihood that any emergency was a real potential catastrophe as the US European forces were starved by NATO and being starved by the DOD because of the epic build up in Vietnam. So, good job without you Romney’s ass would have been grass.

Weenus299 September 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Holy Fucking Shit. The courage on display here. It makes me want to …

slowhansolo September 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Huh. They left out the part when Mitt's good buddy Roach killed that mime with a grenade launcher. Just too painful, I guess.

IncenseDebate September 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

They eat horse burgers in France. Does Ann know? Or Rafalca?

YasserArraFeck September 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I hear Mitt got into a knockdown dragout fistfight with Marcel Marceau – both of them gave a touching rendition of punching their way out of an extremely large invisible wet paper bag.

keepwalkin September 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Brave brave Sir Willard of Cranbrook!!

AddHomonym September 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

This is hard! YOU try surviving on pain au chocolat and Perrier! GET IN THE RING!

fuflans September 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

oh hai cnn: what exactly are you planning to do with this story? b/c i don't think it's being received that way.

Antispandex September 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

If someone is willing to send me to France for a few weeks of research, just to confirm the story, I'm willing to take the hit.

docterry6973 September 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Good God, man. Don't throw your life away!

Ruhe September 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Wow! A regular Henry Miller, that Mitt. The frisson of danger caused by the irregularities of public transportation and the postal service must have made his magic undies practically incandescent.

Poindexter718 September 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Charles est sur l'arbre!
Charles est sur l'arbre avec un signe de protestation!

DemmeFatale September 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Don't you just love how everything is getting worse and worse for Rmoney?
Every time they try to show how he'a a "regular guy," it just blows up in their faces.

(I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)

Dudleydidwrong September 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"(I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)"

Especially when a friend of yours owns the company that makes the voting machines,.

Selfish_T September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Talking about lack of train service? Y'all experts? Y'all know about the electricity going off from time to time? I'd like to hear about it, potheads.

Ruhe September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Using the book of Mormon as a European travel guide…proselytizing to bored Frenchies on behalf of your made-up religion as a path to reaching your very own "Lonely Planet".

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Working for the community on the South Side of Chicago is like a trip to Disneyland, after all!

Come here a minute September 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Sometimes Mitt even had to hike over the Alps (?!) to get to his Swiss bank account.

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

And now we know the true reason why the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party…

CindynEncinitas September 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Maybe he barely managed to dodge a croissant that was hurled at his perfect, shiny face by a snotty Frenchman speeding by on a Vespa! Mon dieu!

Pat_Pending September 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Now I understand what happened to Mitt's brain. Too much LDS in the sixties…

keepwalkin September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Wait a minute! Paris 68?

MITT SCUTTLED THE PEACE TALKS TO INSURE DICK BEAT HHH!!

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

♫And it's one, two, three, what am I preachin' for?
Don't ask me I don't give a dam',
I'll never go to Viet Nam!
And it's five, six, seven, I'll guarantee you pearly gates.
Aw, there ain't no time to wonder why
Whoopee I ain't gonna die!♪

BornInATrailer September 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

mon Dieu!

rickmaci September 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

“In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger."

Really? Dangerous? Exactly how many Americans died in France in 1968, other than those killed by Mitt Romney's bad driving? I always thought Borger had some journalistic integrity but apparently I was totally wrong.

Poindexter718 September 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

The protests and irregular train & postal service schtick is complete malarkey.
On the other hand, it does take uncommon valor to go door to door attempting to convert the French to any bullshit religion.

Comrade Wingtardd September 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

C'EST MITTENS, L'ANGE EXTERMINATEUR!!!!

pdiddycornchips September 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

How fucking elitist do you have to be to consider Paris circa 1968 roughing it?

kyeshinka September 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I can totally relate. When I lived in Moscow I was overcharged for a can of Gin and Tonic at the Kazan train station. I was pissed.

zumpie September 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

So Thurston told JJ Abrams about his harrowing experience and Abrams used it as his template for his horribly stupid show, Revolution? Cause both of these entail some serious suspension of disbelief.

comrad_darkness September 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

My best friend's father never returned, so fuck you, Mitt.

Chet Kincaid_ September 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I am wheels, I am timid wheels, cowardly à Paris! Mitt and Mike and me, absent dodgers, absent dodgers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duvW4kednWI

BlueStateLibel September 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

The last time I was in France, the only danger I was in was from the glances of very handsome French men. I suppose it was just as dangerous for Mitt.

magic_titty September 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm

They had to defer from Vietnam uphill both ways.

sati_demise September 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

And he couldn't get Kraft Miracle Whip either. Or Campbells Soup, Spam or Jello mold.

They put pickle relish on oysters, too.

horrors

Steverino247 September 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Some crazy Armenians blew up the Turkish Tourist Office in Paris in 1978. Just missed killing me, the wife and our only child at the time.

Have CNN call me.

chascates September 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Fortunately being a draft dodger is no impediment to high office for a Republican. In fact having no experience with actual military service or combat makes it easier to send others children to fight for oil!

mbobier September 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And let us not forget that France was FAR more dangerous than Vietnam back then, naturellement!

Slim_Pickins September 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

George couldn't just send a Mexican cousin, er minion, over with a satchel of cash when Mitt was running low?

RufusTFirefly September 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"What are they gonna say when he dies? They gonna say he was a kind man? He was a wise man? He had plans? He has wisdom? BULLSHIT, MAN!"

dcjdjay September 27, 2012 at 3:55 pm

There were no buses, trains or planes in France in 1968?

WTF. Who do they think is buying this sh*t?

France in 1968 was among the world's most advanced nations, about a century ahead of Mittens' Utah, or Michigan or wherever the @$%$ he's from.

Neoyorquino September 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Conditions were nightmarish. Mittens was forced to subsist on crudités with no dipping sauce of any kind, unwarmed brie, and the most pedestrian of wines.

DahBoner September 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Dear Mom and Dad,

It's so dangerous here (OK, mostly my shitty driving skills).

The people speak gibberish, do not bathe and none of them laugh at my joke about how Dad can never look another potatoe in the eye!

Weird, huh?

SEND MONEY, GUNS AND LAWYERS!!!

Sincerely,

Mit [sic]

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I love the smell of fresh baked baguettes in the morning . . . Smells like a deferment.

bearperney September 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Excellent!

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Imagine, living in Paris and not drinking the wine OR the coffee. That's the ultimate in dipshit.

sati_demise September 27, 2012 at 4:09 pm

so true

docterry6973 September 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm

We are so lucky that Mitt was not sucked into the bloody maelstrom of 1968 France, so that we would be lucky enough to have Mitt run in 2012, so that we would be lucky enough to have him run our (or more precisely, his) country.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm

To this day, In Salt Lake City, they fly a special flag in rememberance of all the missionaries who never made it back from Paris in the 60s. Never forget!

sati_demise September 27, 2012 at 4:11 pm

And they check the bank balance to see if the investment Mitt made in France is paying off in tithes.

glasspusher September 27, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Q: What do you think the effects of the French Revolution will be?

A: Too early to tell.

catx2012 September 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Here's a hilarious video of Romney SPEAKING French!

Note the subtitles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSzmvZTefRY

Shadowmuffin September 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

What they don't tell you is that those riots were over Mitt Romney's insults about their wine and cheese.

Toomush_Infer September 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Paris? Dangerous? 1968? He should have been in San Francisco! Remember the assholes who swiftboated Kerrey? Fuck Mitt Romney, fuck Rafalca and the little asswipe, Ryan, he's trying to ride in on….

bearperney September 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I spent 14 months in Viet Nam with the 101st (1969-70) in the I Corps area.

Still, I don't regret the experience; I found out a lot about who I was and got some very real insights into life. …not to mention lessons learned on leaves to Bangkok and Taipei!

I would definitely not exchange that experience for Mitt's experience of dry, virtuous years in Paris trying to convert people to a ridiculous religion.

grex1949 September 28, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I agree. I spent 9 months at the end of my four-year enlistment at Marble Mountain Air Facility, near Da Nang, which is also in I-Corps. I would not trade this life-altering experience for a mission tour in Paris, either. I did not face the deprivations Bear certainly faced as a member of the elite Army Airborne (I was a Marine "wing-wiper" and part-time air crewman during my Viet Nam tour), Mitt's time in Paris does sound pretty harrowing in the CNN piece. The only thing missing was that insignificant "there-are-people-out-there-trying-to-kill-me" element that separates service in a war zone apart from, uh, camping out in the woods or living in a mansion in Paris with servants.

LibrarianX September 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Poor Mitt – mistook the bidet for a drinking fountain…

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. These people. Et fucking cetera:

For most of 1968, Mitt lived in the Mission Home, a 19th century neoclassical building in the chic 16th arrondissement of Paris. “It was a house built by and for rich people,” said Richard Anderson, the son of the mission president at the time of Mr Romney’s stay. “I would describe it as a palace”. The Mission Home featured stained glass windows, chandeliers, and an extensive art collection. It was staffed by two servants – a Spanish chef and a houseboy.
The Telegraph, 15 December 2011

Tragically, there was no chauffeur.

littlebigdaddy September 27, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I don't know. Dangerous duty in those days. All those chicks with armpit hair and the b.o. thick as teargas around the Fontaine St. Michel.

anniegetyerfun September 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

So, it was like life in modern day Bangladesh? OK.

Comrade Wingtardd September 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Mitt, do you know that most anyone who still understands the significance of what happened in Paris 1968 remembers it with reverence, right?

unclejeems September 27, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Their lifeline from home–as if mid de 20th siecle France was a barren rock in the middle of the Atlantic. Sheesh.

dollymadison22 September 27, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Can you imagine his suffering? Forced to eat those rich sauses and cheeses!

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:28 am

You know who else had a penchant for marches in France?

grex1949 September 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Let's see…that would have to be HITLER, right?

Negropolis September 28, 2012 at 1:58 am

You know where else was actually dangerous in 1968 (and even today)? Mitt's own Detroit.

grex1949 September 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I'm sure glad I took the safe route, joining the Marines and serving a tour in Viet Nam.

freakanatcha September 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I think we've uncovered the theme of Oliver Stone's next trilogy.

ttommyunger September 29, 2012 at 11:07 am

Gloria Borger: mouth like a torn pocket, cunt like a horse-collar, brain like a chick-pea. The fact that this woman is still given a forum speaks volumes as to the miserable state of our Media.

labman57 September 29, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Harrowing dangers?

Confronting rude waiters at his favorite sidewalk Bistro?
Navigating traffic along the Place Charles de Gaulle?

ibwilliamsi September 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Do you know how to keep a Mormon from drinking on a camping trip? Invite another Mormon.

Mitt was busy not drinking. It was harrowing.

NellCote71 September 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm

But he still wouldn't be married to Michelle.

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