the horror

CNN Tells Of Harrowing Dangers Mitt Romney Faced In 1968 France (While Avoiding The Vietnam War)

Perhaps you thought Mitt Romney’s time in France, in 1968, while raking in Dick Cheney-level numbers of military deferments from serving in Vietnam, was all sunshine and brie. Well CNN’s “Romney Revealed” has another think coming at you! “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger. You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”! There weren’t napalmings or burning villages or fraggings or snipers, but there were definitely marches!

Tommy Christopher at Mediaite watched so we wouldn’t have to:

[S]ays fellow Romney missionary Mike Bush, “There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

“There were no letters from home,” Bush continues. “The money at the time came via check. That was our lifeline was getting letters from home.”

You guys, while other people’s sons were killing and being killed, governor’s son MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK. And people say Mitt Romney doesn’t understand the plight of the common man.

[Mediaite]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • nounverb911

    Did CNN talk about killing his boss's wife too, also?

    • MissTaken

      They do! But of course the focus of the scene was how everyone thought Mitt was dead, when really he was just unconscious. Fuck the lady that really died, Mitt had a boo-boo!

      • Boojum

        Mitt died. He was replaced by a Muslin robot in the hospital. He is the reel terrist. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!!1!

        • chicken_thief

          If Mitt was Moozlin, his name would be Willard Hussien Romney. Duh.

          • An Asexual Ungulate

            And he'd be a secret blah, just like Obama.

          • NellCote71

            But he still wouldn't be married to Michelle.

        • Negropolis

          And the robot was manufactured in…**gasp**…Guadalajara!

  • Respitetini

    OMG THE CHEESE!

    • Mojopo

      Unpasteurized! He could have died!

    • SmutBoffin

      THEN ONE TIME ROMNEY GOT WHACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A BAGUETTE DURING A PARTICULARLY UNRULY DEMONSTRATION

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That had to be a CIA plant. No Frenchman would waste le midi like that.

    • IncenseDebate

      Causes CONSTIPATION!

    • comrad_darkness

      And the thin, acidic wines! Lakes of them!

      • schvitzatura

        Which I'm sure would go great and help to cut through the richness of a bastardized LDS version of Pommes Anna.

        Pommes de terre Funerial, servis dans le style de l'Église de Jésus-Christ des Saints des Derniers Jours, as it were.

        Bonne Santé, Mitt…whoopsie! Forgot you people can't imbibe. So sorry…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    It's only in the Director's cut of, "Apocalypse Now."

    • Schmannnity

      "Paris . . . . . Fuck"

    • Antispandex

      He needed a mission, and for his sins, they gave him one.

      • Steverino247

        So good. Ha!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I LOVE the smell of croissants in the morning!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    France is the new Uganda.

    • sbj1964

      Mitt Romeny the last King of Utah?

      • BloviateMe

        Greedy Amin?

  • nounverb911

    Don't forget all the pagan ribaldry on Beaujolais Nouveau Thursday.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I could see how Mittens was evangelizing amongst the protesters in that footage. He was practically at war. Huzzah!

    Just imagine what a nightmare it would have been to travel down to the American Express office to pick up that wire transfer from home.

    • Antispandex

      CHECKS! No fancy wire transfers. This was the REAL war!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And he probably had to put his money in a regular bank where he only earned a few centimes in interest. Oh, the humanity!!

    • WhatTheHeck

      Le Jesus Christ. I travelled the length of France with my family in 1968 and lemme tell you it was harrowing. Finding a hotel every night was exhausting, especially when we also had to also locate a Bistro for dinner. Vacations sometimes can be hell, especially when you run into a couple of Mormons who didn’t appreciate a coffee avec cognac for breakfast.

      • sewollef

        I lived in Toulouse and that coffee and cognac is a friggin' ritual. I think it's so they can get up the nerve to go in the office, before their next vacation comes around.

  • Boojum

    And there was that one time, where he killed a woman in his car and died and was replaced by a robot.

    • PubOption

      I thought he killed a Catholic priest in the car accident.

      • Boojum

        No, it was the wife of the mission President.

        • chicken_thief

          And in the autopsy, they found his severed penis lodged in her throat?! I heard that one time about someone. I had no idea it was Mitt.

      • Chichikovovich

        No, the Catholic priest who was driving the other car survived. They do, however, blame everything on him and hint broadly that he had been drinking, whenever they have spoken to the US media about it. It's, of course, always arms-length third parties doing the smearing.

  • MiniMencken

    "Oh, no, Br'er Fox, doan throw me into that there France!"

  • eggsacklywright

    Le pauvre. Le frommage. Mediaite hacks.

  • sbj1964

    Riding around France on a 10 speed is very dangerous.Have you ever seen how those frogs drive?

    • PubOption

      Mitt had a car, bikes are too plebeian.

    • Antispandex

      "Have you ever seen how those frogs drive?"

      Does Mr. Toad count?

      • ThundercatHo

        True story: When my son was 5 he had memorized "Mr. Toad on the Road" because we had read it to him so many times. First time they had to bring their favorite book into kindergarten he brought the book and pretended to read it to the class. His teacher was so impressed by his early reading skills she sent me a note. I wrote back, "Ask him to read something else."

      • glasspusher

        That was one Wild Ride.

    • Steverino247

      Saw a guy on a bike get hit by a taxi when I was in Paris. Not seriously injured, but more so than the taxi driver wanted him to be.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      No snark, this is true: a couple of pretty mademoiselles have invented a safety device to replace the bike helmet. It looks like an attractive scarf looped around the neck (how French!) but upon impact it bursts into an airbag that surrounds the head. They have raised more than a million euros from private investors to put it into production. They did it because they thought bike helmets were too ugly to wear.

  • Baconzgood

    The horror….The horror.

    • CalvinsChoice

      The stench…

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      They entered the country as boys, they left as men.

      • MOG2410

        How you going to keep'em down on the farm?

  • PsycWench

    "“The money at the time came via check." as opposed to everyone else's money in 1968, which was directly deposited into the bank.

    • MOG2410

      Or from Western Union, or at the AMEX office. Even I knew how to get money, not that there was any to get.

    • Toomush_Infer

      What money – we just invested in the Fat Freddy method….

    • vodkamuppet

      What, they didn't have bitcoin in 1968?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Oh no! No buses! What shall a bunch of rich kids do?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Yeah like they were gonna be riding a bus anyways. Them rich ones like their drivers on a more "personal" level. Like, one per.

    • Nostrildamus

      To the Jet Skis !!!!

      • Esteev

        Take me to my tax shelter, paysan.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Bus Wankers!"

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Inbetweeners FTW!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Drive, badly.

    • viennawoods13

      Well,they could drive around in a car… Oh wait. That ended badly.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Ride their ten-speeds?

  • Barbara_

    Yeah, but that check arrived with more zeros in a row than the line that forms for a Sarah Palin book signing.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's a lot of zeros! I've seen those lines.

    • Baconzgood

      HEY-OOOOOO!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      All of his bank balances were just the right height.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Dennis Miller once said, "If I got the call from Publisher's Clearing House, I wouldn't claim the prize, because that would be an admission that I opened that fuckin' envelope in the first place. I don't want to be grouped in with their 'winners'. You thought there were a lot of zeros in the prize…?"

      • Barbara_

        Sigh, and now Dennis Miller drinks his own urine.

        • Steverino247

          And he's not climbing mountains or crossing the desert when he does it, either.

  • no_gravity

    Those checks from home were critical when he stayed at the hotel frequented by hookers who demanded cash in advance.

  • bureaucrap

    And Mitt was in the middle of it with a placard reading, "Stop Protesting! Go to Vietnam Instead!!!!"

    • PsycWench

      "Someone has to go to Vietnam. It may as well be someone other than me".

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And extra points if it's a ferriner.

    • MissTaken

      This 'documentary' also talked about Mitt protesting his first year at Stanford (before he went to France). Mitt was protesting the protestors who were protesting Vietnam. He protested while wearing a suit and tie, because he is the world's most perfect dick.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "LE BEHAVE! STOP RAPING LE PEOPLE! L'ANIMALES!"

      • vtxmcrider

        Believe me, that's about the quality of Romney's French. And Ann supposedly majored in French, so she will understand when I say to her, "Va te faire enculer, vieille petite connasse!"

  • Blunderthing

    At times the brie was not runny. And the French made fun of his silly ties. They also blew Galoise smoke in his face and those things stink, even to the people who smoke them.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      This was so long ago, the French had freshly bathed.

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      Gauloise libel!!

  • coolhandnuke

    Paris, Texas 1968 was a far, far scarier place than its' foreign namesake. Still is always will be.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This is about to make me retroactively sad for the Mittenz. I was very young during that war. But every night you'd be reminded of the sacrifice.

    The Romney Class doesn't fight in wars. They have others that do that sort of thing for them.

    • kittensdontlie

      I can only guess that many vets will state unequivocally, that they are very glad Mittens was not leading troops in Vietnam.

  • BloviateMe

    …and he never once complained about it. Wow, I cannot even imagine living through that.

    Did you ever know that Mitt’s, Mitt’s hero,
    and everything Mitt would like to be?
    Mitt can fly higher than an eagle,
    'cause Mitt is the wind beneath Mitt’s wings.

    • mbobier

      Let the eagle soar….. Like she's never soared before…. Right over to France…. to escape the war…..

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Son vin transformé en vinaigre?

    • Geminisunmars

      C'est dommage. Ou fromage.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Ou frottage

        • Geminisunmars

          Mieux!

    • vtxmcrider

      Putain de Dieu! Un miracle du petit Jésus!

  • Typodong3

    Check out the new Romney video on Motherjones…. it gets worse.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "It takes Bain eight years to turn around a company."

      But he expected America to be fixed in four.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    And the French farted in his general direction. I still do.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Plus, let's not forget that 1968 was the year in which shameless Marxist-Leninist homosexuals and big flaming queer theorists were running around Paris being all gay and shit. It's a wonder Rmoney got out with his anus intact!

    • emmelemm

      He had to lace his magic underwear really, really tight.*

      *I have no idea if magic underwear laces, it just seems like it would.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Magically laces, sort of like in Harry Potter.

        • emmelemm

          I'm magically unlacing your underwear with the power of my mind.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            You have powers beyond my understanding.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        I was picturing snaps. Like babies have on their footie pajamas.

    • BarryOPotter

      It's a wonder Rmoney got out with his anus intact!

      …or did he?

    • MOG2410

      The almost summer of love!

    • vtxmcrider

      That is because the French saw him as one big anus, and they were just too confused about exactly which part to dickpoke.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    OH COME ON!!!!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      OH FER FUCKS SAKE!!!!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        WHAT DO THEY TAKE US FOR?!!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Republicans?

  • FakaktaSouth

    It is always wise to bring up something that can make you look like a huge wussified Franco-hider right when no one has been talking about it yet because of all the other terrible, stupid, ridiculous shit he's done JUST THIS WEEK. Mitt's so good at reminding us of things to hate about him.

  • PsycWench

    And it was so awkward because Mitt didn't know ANY of the marching songs.

    • SmutBoffin

      Then he heard not one, but TWO, verses of the Internationale.

      The PTSD he acquired from this compelled him to invent Romneycare.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I heard that, in his morning shower, he would allow himself a rousing chant of "Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese………….."

    • Steverino247

      Seems to me a song like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Marseillaise was written with guys like Mitt in mind.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    “There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    Sacre bleu! Young helzee men had to walk and to go wissout le TV or le radio from time to time for brief eentervalz!

    Qu'elle dommage! Zat seenks eet! Ah am voting for le Meet Romnai!

    • vtxmcrider

      One of Romney's earliest recollections of France was the first conversion he tried to make. A Frenchman answered the door with his large glass of wine, and Romney started to ask him if he wanted to see Mitt's magic underwear. The man yelled "Puanteur!" as he slammed the door in his face. After careful inquiry, he learned that it means "stench," hence the origin of his current nickname. But today he still insists that it sounds much classier in French.

  • Goonemeritus

    And let’s not forget the French women, even today you need to be careful around them.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      And the men they hang with, like Harry Armpits.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Waht with their hairy armpits and seductive wiles.

    • Terry

      There was also alcohol and coffee everywhere he looked. The temptation of it all!

    • CindynEncinitas

      And leather boobs because they don't believe in modest swim costumes like here.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Harlots of Satan, I'm told. Always punishing each other with spankings.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I ended up sleeping with three of them, just passing through Charles de Gaulle on a connecting flight to Dubai. It was harrowing.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    The new definition of "gaff" is "something Romney says while speaking on a microphone."

    • Boojum

      Mitt is going to debate Obama via a prepared written statement.

      • zumpie

        And he'll still manage to fuck the dog.

      • shelwood46

        Mitt has genuinely declared that he is going to "fact check" Obama during the debate. Truth>fiction.

        • Boojum

          I think me means "check" in the sense of "prevent him from using".

    • glasspusher

      …and "GAAHHH!" is what I say if I'm listening…

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mittenz, perhaps you'd have preferred to be with me watchin' Uncle Ho's namesake trail in Cambodia? Here's a pistola and a flashlight, the tunnel is over there. Go take a peek and see if Charlie is home. If he is, ask if he wants to come out and play?

    • sharethegrief

      Glad you're still with us.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Thanks.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    You guys, there were “protests, and there were marches”!

    Ooooo, there were none of those things in America in the 60s! Truly Mitt is a brave warrior.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Straight to Hell, the Clash's biting rebuke of how the US treated all the kids Mitt fathered in France, is being remastered and released in November.

    • Come here a minute

      Let me tell you 'bout your blood bamboo kid,
      It ain't Coca-Cola,
      Because Mormons do not consume caffeine.

  • Schmannnity

    Even George W. Bush of the Texas Air National Guard thinks he is a pussy coward.

    • comrad_darkness

      After he ran out of blow, he thought that. Most of the time he probably thought everyone was totally cool, dig?

      • glasspusher

        Everything would be perfect, after just one more line…

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wait till they break the story of how his wingtips were viciously scuffed during one of those marches….

  • Wilcoxyz

    Once, this rude Frenchman hurt his feelings. But did Pres. Johnson give Mitt a medal?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    MITT ROMNEY HAD TO WAIT FOR HIS MONEY VIA CHECK

    But Editrix! It had to clear the bank AND be converted from American dollars to French francs! That could take weeks!

    IT HAD TO CLEAR THE BANKS!

    • FakaktaSouth

      I swear, it's not like that's how EVERYONE did that ALWAYS then for God's sake. I guess that was a problem then too, having to be one of "those" people. Did he not just bring some sacks of gold along with? Planning, jack off, it's called being prepared.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Right, the trick was to call home for a check weeks before you even knew you needed it.

        Basically, when you get the last one, you pick up the phone the next day.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The horror. The horror.

    • schvitzatura

      Pre-Bretton Woods Deux. Probably he counted out real gold-backed bank notes and all.

      Filthy lucre shined much brighter then…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Victor Hugo should rewrite that there Le Miz book to include Pantene, the orphan hairgeller.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Les Frizzerables?

    • aussiefromafar

      Best thing all week!!!!!!!!!

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    Romney REAL poor, tho.

    • Antispandex

      He was just an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

  • YouBetcha

    So then, the shop girl behind the counter at the boulangerie told me they were out of petits pain au chocolat! Isn't that a riot? But we made do, with tarte tatin and some cafe au lait.

  • CommieDad

    Mitt, now honestly, did you stitch a maple leave to your backpack?

    • vtxmcrider

      If Mitt knows anything, it's asskissing and pandering. Fuck that Maple Leaf shit. His backpack sported the Fleudelisé, the flag of Québec, under which he stiched his birth name, Mittérand Romnée.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Not to mention the blahs that had emigrated from the Surrender Monkey's vast African former empire.

  • the_onceler

    It's pretty horrible there now so I can understand what Romney's buddy was talking about. Why I recently spent a morning along the Seine having to bike and not a drive an SUV. What's worse is that the bike is **shared** with others. The worst thing of all though was that these people spoke English funny.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      we had it worse. we couldn't use our american express card on the bikes.

      it was unspeakable.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    What? He went to rural North Carolina?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Crap. In the Sixties, that would describe Charlotte!

      • Negropolis

        Any now look at it, all Yankified, because everybody there is now a Noo Yawker.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    All of that turmoil, and only the filthy '67 Chateau Gruaud Larose du St Julien to wet their parched young Mor(m)on mouths.. Woe, woe, woe…

    • eggsacklywright

      '67 was not a great vintage. THAT'S how rough he had it. Couldn't afford a '61 or '53.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    So much more dangerous than being in any of France's former colonies, for sure!

    • Negropolis

      New France libel!

  • Slim_Pickins

    It was his magic underwear that protected him in the end.

    • glasspusher

      …protected his end, you say?

    • Sacanagem

      Yes, that's the part it's supposed to protect.

  • SexySmurf

    Did Mittens actually convert anyone to his space religion while he was there? Because it seems like the French still enjoy the blowjobs.

    • glasspusher

      Arguably their finest gift to man…

      • bearperney

        Probably. Though kissing is right up there though.

        • glasspusher

          That's humanity. Blowjobs are only for men ;)

  • SpiderCrab

    Any truth to the rumor that Mitt landed on the beach at Normandy?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Only on his Mormon bicycle, that's the hardest way too you know.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Only because he fell off the cliff.

    • Esteev

      While on vacation, Mitt once flew over Normandy.

    • Weenus299

      He did. Jet ski, three of his boys, Rafalca. Wonderful time, sunshine, level trees, open aircraft windows.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Everything was fine until he tried to outsource the 101st Airborne to India.

        • Steverino247

          Thank you, drop again!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No, but he has friends whose companies built landing craft for the invasion.

    • Negropolis

      Sure, whilst on holiday, mais oui.

  • sharethegrief

    At this point, this is just sad. Lots of letters went to Viet Nam only to be returned to the sender because their son/husband/brother/friend/cousin was already dead.
    Nobody can humanize Romney or his life.

    • CindynEncinitas

      I am grateful my brother got out with just a Purple Heart, but otherwise physically intact.

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    He got a clergyman's exemption from the draft after a year at Stanford. This "peace through strength" piece of shit used his family connections and LDS hyperbole (all the males are clergy, by God) to avoid the war he himself supported. I keep posting this because Romney's hypocrisy is stomach turning and I like to puke:
    http://www.counterpunch.org/2012/09/07/how-mitt-d

    • SmutBoffin

      Honestly, I don't blame anyone who tried to keep themselves out of Vietnam by whatever means necessary, because fuck that shit.

      But then going on to forcefully and visibly advocate for it? That's just…tacky.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Stop it! America should be grateful that someone of Mitt's character and expertise was willing to serve in Fance–recruiting French socialists to his jesus cult and probly not sleeping with French ladies, and definitely not drinking French coffee or smoking those effeminate French cigarettes.

    Cos war is H.E. Double Hockey Sticks.

    • SmutBoffin

      Can you imagine what a terrible soldier he would be? Kind of like the character in Animal House who gets shot by his own troops.

    • zumpie

      This is hard. If you think this is so easy, get in the ring.

      I must now go dress myself like Pat Boone covering metal songs meets Alexis Carringaton on Dynasty for my Leno appearance.

  • CommieDad

    Mitt is such a fucking hero. Heroically bringing those papist frogs over to Jesus, er Joe Smith, and saving them from eternal damnation now and after their death. A true inspiration. While others where forced to die and kill for America, he was forced to witness protest, live without electricity a few hours a week, and still smile and bring Jesus, sort of, to these folks.

  • mayor_quimby

    Mittens has always been a buzzkill. All that pre-AIDS French tail walking around in miniskirts, and he's telling women to go to church? Wasted opportunity dude.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm sure he had equally spectacular success convincing them not to drink their Burgundies, Bordeaux, and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. Might as well be proselytizing in a Dublin pub.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    So, bullshit-porn is a thing now?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    What can a rich boy do, except join a Mormon missionary band? Willard Mittens Romney ain't no name for a street-fightin' man.

    • IncenseDebate

      I suppose he didn't go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao
      He ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        But when you talk about "redistribution," don't you know that you can count Mitt out?!

    • BlueStateLibel

      Willard Mittens Romney is no name for a man period.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    And as we all know, France was the only place in the world with that kind of protest going on.

  • rickmaci

    Bateau rapide sur la Seine? We can only imagine the horror he saw. We all thank him for his service. Not.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    I love the smell of napalm fresh baguettes in the morning.

    • YasserArraFeck

      "…….I still wake up to the sounds of Citroens buzzing by……and the smell….that smell….Gauloises and cafe au lait……..the horror…..the horror……. "

      • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

        Hotel… shit; I'm still only in my hotel… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back on the streets of Paris. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a horse. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back onto my bike. I'm here a week now… waiting for a mission… getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Pierre squats in a café, he gets ruder. Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter.

        • BarryOPotter

          Awesome

  • neiltheblaze

    It was the constant temptation to drink wine that was the real dangerous part.

  • dennis1943

    Nothing compared to the war zone in Chicago that year……..Heavens!

  • gullywompr

    To this day, Mitt doesn't like to talk about it. Much like his tax returns.

  • Geminisunmars

    How can we be sure that he did?

    • chicken_thief

      He'll give us people the details later.

  • Ducksworthy

    Is CNN still in business? Why?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Oh Good LORD!! They speak not our English!!11!!1! #funkypitsncrotches

    • Oblios_Cap

      It's like they have a different word for everything!

  • AncienReggie

    My cousin comes from a poor Mormon family and he got sent to Calcutta to do his missionary stint. Probably just luck of the draw, right?

    But that line from Gloria Borger is so, so funny — In 1968, Paris was a dangerous place and Mitt Romney was right there in the thick of it. Hoot, hoot!

  • Oblios_Cap

    The electricity would go off from time-to-time

    Hell, that happens here every time it clouds up. Where's my Purple Heart?

  • barto

    Was he in the same unit at Bill O'Really?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    You think in those days they could have telexed the money to Mitt. Then Mitt could scream out "My checks in the wire! My checks in the wire!"

  • OneYieldRegular

    That Mitt Romney was in Paris in May 1968 and was so utterly clueless as to what was going on around him says a lot about why he is the way he is today.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    1968 Paris? Yeah! Mitt Jagger was inspired; betcha y'all didn't know he wrote the lyrics for Street Fightin' Man.

  • x111e7thst

    Also: one night he bought Brie only to discover that it had not been aged properly. (True story)

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Monsieur De Gaulle, tear down this baguette!!

  • Esteev

    This piece should propel CNN into the upper echelons of cable news continued not to be watched by anyone.

  • oenspiek

    Paris, 1968, was the dismal recess of crawling DANGER! This is Mittens' unsung badge of heroism! As soon as Mittens buys himself the POTUS office, he should immediately award himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which has unjustly been denied him!

  • poorgradstudent

    To be fair (sort of), the protests of 1968 in France were among the largest in history and brought down Charles de Gaule's government, but it's definitely, as they say, CNNesque to suggest that Romney – or really any American – was in actual danger or even just experiencing actual hardship.

    I mean, depending on who you ask there was a chance a violent revolution might have broken out (at least, more so than usual in modern France!), but even at the height of the protests France was a safer place to be than plenty of places in just Europe.

    • bobbert

      You know where else was "a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American" in 1968?

      • Generation[redacted]

        Sharon Tate's house?

        • bobbert

          I was going for the DNC, but you win.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          It's too late for Sharon Tate.

      • Negropolis

        What is just about any major American city, Alex?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Quelle horreur! The revolution in the US could be said to have brought down Lyndon Johnson's government, too. There were possibilities of violent revolts in this country (Chicago, anyone?) Of all places to be sent as a Mormon missionary at that time, France was probably one of the safest, except for the road in front of my house.

      Romney's not looking for "fair"-ness, but for sympathy and a way to dodge the label of "draft dodger." And CNN is looking for blow jobs from Romney staffers.

  • Poindexter718

    L'horreur … l'horreur.

  • Radiotherapy

    One time during War on Terror we found a BB dent my wife's minivan. ZOMG, the sheer horror. For once I can understand what Mitt has been through.

    • shelwood46

      It's just like 9/11. I was in so much danger in New Jersey. Nightmares.

  • Indiepalin

    Why is the lamestream media hiding the details of Mitt's road trip to Morocco with Keith Richards, Anita Pallenberg and Brian Jones?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    meh. that's what the 47% are for: fighting and dying in the wars that the 1% get us into.

    duh.

    • emmelemm

      Same as it ever was.

  • James Michael Curley

    May I speak for all the veterans from all the armed services for all the last seventy years who served in a combat zone or who did not serve in a combat zone but woke up every morning with the existential reality that in the following week they may be in any of the three dozen combat zones our country has created; "Fuck You Mitt Romney and your draft deferment procuring, Dick Nixon advising father who hypocritically did nothing to end the Vietnam war even after he blamed brain washing as the reason his opinion on the war changed when he realized that a 1968 Presidential Candidate who promoted the war would go down in flames!."

    If you think I should not let me know.

    • MoeDeLawn

      As a draftee who served only one country away from France (east of France, west of Berlin), your sentiments align perfectly with mine.

      Especially the "Fuck You" part.

      • James Michael Curley

        And if it was 1968, while Romney was whooping it up in the sunny south of France there was that little issue of Czechoslovakia and the imminent danger that the Red Hoards would keep on coming. For those in Germany those days and years before and afterward life was not all Merlot and Brie as the disengagement of France from its military commitment to NATO made the likelihood that any emergency was a real potential catastrophe as the US European forces were starved by NATO and being starved by the DOD because of the epic build up in Vietnam. So, good job without you Romney’s ass would have been grass.

  • Weenus299

    Holy Fucking Shit. The courage on display here. It makes me want to …

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Huh. They left out the part when Mitt's good buddy Roach killed that mime with a grenade launcher. Just too painful, I guess.

  • IncenseDebate

    They eat horse burgers in France. Does Ann know? Or Rafalca?

  • YasserArraFeck

    I hear Mitt got into a knockdown dragout fistfight with Marcel Marceau – both of them gave a touching rendition of punching their way out of an extremely large invisible wet paper bag.

  • keepwalkin

    Brave brave Sir Willard of Cranbrook!!

  • AddHomonym

    This is hard! YOU try surviving on pain au chocolat and Perrier! GET IN THE RING!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh hai cnn: what exactly are you planning to do with this story? b/c i don't think it's being received that way.

  • Antispandex

    If someone is willing to send me to France for a few weeks of research, just to confirm the story, I'm willing to take the hit.

    • docterry6973

      Good God, man. Don't throw your life away!

  • Ruhe

    Wow! A regular Henry Miller, that Mitt. The frisson of danger caused by the irregularities of public transportation and the postal service must have made his magic undies practically incandescent.

  • Poindexter718

    Charles est sur l'arbre!
    Charles est sur l'arbre avec un signe de protestation!

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Don't you just love how everything is getting worse and worse for Rmoney?
    Every time they try to show how he'a a "regular guy," it just blows up in their faces.

    (I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "(I'm still worried, though. These people don't like to lose.)"

      Especially when a friend of yours owns the company that makes the voting machines,.

  • Selfish_T

    Talking about lack of train service? Y'all experts? Y'all know about the electricity going off from time to time? I'd like to hear about it, potheads.

  • Ruhe

    Using the book of Mormon as a European travel guide…proselytizing to bored Frenchies on behalf of your made-up religion as a path to reaching your very own "Lonely Planet".

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Working for the community on the South Side of Chicago is like a trip to Disneyland, after all!

  • Come here a minute

    Sometimes Mitt even had to hike over the Alps (?!) to get to his Swiss bank account.

    • Steverino247

      And now we know the true reason why the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party…

  • CindynEncinitas

    Maybe he barely managed to dodge a croissant that was hurled at his perfect, shiny face by a snotty Frenchman speeding by on a Vespa! Mon dieu!

  • Pat_Pending

    Now I understand what happened to Mitt's brain. Too much LDS in the sixties…

  • keepwalkin

    Wait a minute! Paris 68?

    MITT SCUTTLED THE PEACE TALKS TO INSURE DICK BEAT HHH!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫And it's one, two, three, what am I preachin' for?
    Don't ask me I don't give a dam',
    I'll never go to Viet Nam!
    And it's five, six, seven, I'll guarantee you pearly gates.
    Aw, there ain't no time to wonder why
    Whoopee I ain't gonna die!♪

  • BornInATrailer

    mon Dieu!

  • rickmaci

    “In 1968, France was a dangerous place to be for a 21-year-old American, but Mitt Romney was right in the middle of it,” says Gloria Borger."

    Really? Dangerous? Exactly how many Americans died in France in 1968, other than those killed by Mitt Romney's bad driving? I always thought Borger had some journalistic integrity but apparently I was totally wrong.

  • Poindexter718

    The protests and irregular train & postal service schtick is complete malarkey.
    On the other hand, it does take uncommon valor to go door to door attempting to convert the French to any bullshit religion.

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    C'EST MITTENS, L'ANGE EXTERMINATEUR!!!!

  • pdiddycornchips

    How fucking elitist do you have to be to consider Paris circa 1968 roughing it?

  • kyeshinka

    I can totally relate. When I lived in Moscow I was overcharged for a can of Gin and Tonic at the Kazan train station. I was pissed.

  • zumpie

    "There was no train service, there were no buses, no newspapers. The electricity would go off from time-to-time.”

    So Thurston told JJ Abrams about his harrowing experience and Abrams used it as his template for his horribly stupid show, Revolution? Cause both of these entail some serious suspension of disbelief.

  • comrad_darkness

    My best friend's father never returned, so fuck you, Mitt.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    I am wheels, I am timid wheels, cowardly à Paris! Mitt and Mike and me, absent dodgers, absent dodgers.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duvW4kednWI

  • BlueStateLibel

    The last time I was in France, the only danger I was in was from the glances of very handsome French men. I suppose it was just as dangerous for Mitt.

  • magic_titty

    They had to defer from Vietnam uphill both ways.

  • sati_demise

    And he couldn't get Kraft Miracle Whip either. Or Campbells Soup, Spam or Jello mold.

    They put pickle relish on oysters, too.

    horrors

  • Steverino247

    Some crazy Armenians blew up the Turkish Tourist Office in Paris in 1978. Just missed killing me, the wife and our only child at the time.

    Have CNN call me.

  • chascates

    Fortunately being a draft dodger is no impediment to high office for a Republican. In fact having no experience with actual military service or combat makes it easier to send others children to fight for oil!

  • mbobier

    And let us not forget that France was FAR more dangerous than Vietnam back then, naturellement!

  • Slim_Pickins

    George couldn't just send a Mexican cousin, er minion, over with a satchel of cash when Mitt was running low?

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

    "What are they gonna say when he dies? They gonna say he was a kind man? He was a wise man? He had plans? He has wisdom? BULLSHIT, MAN!"

  • dcjdjay

    There were no buses, trains or planes in France in 1968?

    WTF. Who do they think is buying this sh*t?

    France in 1968 was among the world's most advanced nations, about a century ahead of Mittens' Utah, or Michigan or wherever the @$%$ he's from.

  • Neoyorquino

    Conditions were nightmarish. Mittens was forced to subsist on crudités with no dipping sauce of any kind, unwarmed brie, and the most pedestrian of wines.

  • DahBoner

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    It's so dangerous here (OK, mostly my shitty driving skills).

    The people speak gibberish, do not bathe and none of them laugh at my joke about how Dad can never look another potatoe in the eye!

    Weird, huh?

    SEND MONEY, GUNS AND LAWYERS!!!

    Sincerely,

    Mit [sic]

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I love the smell of fresh baked baguettes in the morning . . . Smells like a deferment.

    • bearperney

      Excellent!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Imagine, living in Paris and not drinking the wine OR the coffee. That's the ultimate in dipshit.

    • sati_demise

      so true

  • docterry6973

    We are so lucky that Mitt was not sucked into the bloody maelstrom of 1968 France, so that we would be lucky enough to have Mitt run in 2012, so that we would be lucky enough to have him run our (or more precisely, his) country.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    To this day, In Salt Lake City, they fly a special flag in rememberance of all the missionaries who never made it back from Paris in the 60s. Never forget!

    • sati_demise

      And they check the bank balance to see if the investment Mitt made in France is paying off in tithes.

  • glasspusher

    Q: What do you think the effects of the French Revolution will be?

    A: Too early to tell.

  • catx2012

    Here's a hilarious video of Romney SPEAKING French!

    Note the subtitles.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSzmvZTefRY

  • Shadowmuffin

    What they don't tell you is that those riots were over Mitt Romney's insults about their wine and cheese.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Paris? Dangerous? 1968? He should have been in San Francisco! Remember the assholes who swiftboated Kerrey? Fuck Mitt Romney, fuck Rafalca and the little asswipe, Ryan, he's trying to ride in on….

  • bearperney

    I spent 14 months in Viet Nam with the 101st (1969-70) in the I Corps area.

    Still, I don't regret the experience; I found out a lot about who I was and got some very real insights into life. …not to mention lessons learned on leaves to Bangkok and Taipei!

    I would definitely not exchange that experience for Mitt's experience of dry, virtuous years in Paris trying to convert people to a ridiculous religion.

    • grex1949

      I agree. I spent 9 months at the end of my four-year enlistment at Marble Mountain Air Facility, near Da Nang, which is also in I-Corps. I would not trade this life-altering experience for a mission tour in Paris, either. I did not face the deprivations Bear certainly faced as a member of the elite Army Airborne (I was a Marine "wing-wiper" and part-time air crewman during my Viet Nam tour), Mitt's time in Paris does sound pretty harrowing in the CNN piece. The only thing missing was that insignificant "there-are-people-out-there-trying-to-kill-me" element that separates service in a war zone apart from, uh, camping out in the woods or living in a mansion in Paris with servants.

  • LibrarianX

    Poor Mitt – mistook the bidet for a drinking fountain…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Oh for fuck's sake. These people. Et fucking cetera:

    For most of 1968, Mitt lived in the Mission Home, a 19th century neoclassical building in the chic 16th arrondissement of Paris. “It was a house built by and for rich people,” said Richard Anderson, the son of the mission president at the time of Mr Romney’s stay. “I would describe it as a palace”. The Mission Home featured stained glass windows, chandeliers, and an extensive art collection. It was staffed by two servants – a Spanish chef and a houseboy.
    The Telegraph, 15 December 2011

    Tragically, there was no chauffeur.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I don't know. Dangerous duty in those days. All those chicks with armpit hair and the b.o. thick as teargas around the Fontaine St. Michel.

  • anniegetyerfun

    So, it was like life in modern day Bangladesh? OK.

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    Mitt, do you know that most anyone who still understands the significance of what happened in Paris 1968 remembers it with reverence, right?

  • unclejeems

    Their lifeline from home–as if mid de 20th siecle France was a barren rock in the middle of the Atlantic. Sheesh.

  • dollymadison22

    Can you imagine his suffering? Forced to eat those rich sauses and cheeses!

  • Negropolis

    You know who else had a penchant for marches in France?

    • grex1949

      Let's see…that would have to be HITLER, right?

  • Negropolis

    You know where else was actually dangerous in 1968 (and even today)? Mitt's own Detroit.

  • grex1949

    I'm sure glad I took the safe route, joining the Marines and serving a tour in Viet Nam.

  • freakanatcha

    I think we've uncovered the theme of Oliver Stone's next trilogy.

  • ttommyunger

    Gloria Borger: mouth like a torn pocket, cunt like a horse-collar, brain like a chick-pea. The fact that this woman is still given a forum speaks volumes as to the miserable state of our Media.

  • labman57

    Harrowing dangers?

    Confronting rude waiters at his favorite sidewalk Bistro?
    Navigating traffic along the Place Charles de Gaulle?

  • ibwilliamsi

    Do you know how to keep a Mormon from drinking on a camping trip? Invite another Mormon.

    Mitt was busy not drinking. It was harrowing.