LUCKY DUCKIES  5:30 pm September 26, 2012

Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer

by Kris E. Benson

Three cheers for Mitt Romney!Isn’t it wonderful to live in the land of socialized health care, where You People can all go to the ER of our local hospitals and receive medical services that everyone else pays for? As Mitt pointed out, “If someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance and take them to the hospital and give them care.” And indeed we do! But what if that same uninsured or underinsured Someone has, say, testicular cancer? Do we pick him up in an ambulance and take him to the hospital and give him care? No. We do not. We tell him that we won’t treat him, but that it’s “urgent” he get care.

This is because hospitals are only required by law to provide care for “acute” illnesses or injuries. Ball cancer is not acute, so if you have that, and you have no insurance, and you show up to a private hospital, you are on your own. But you should probably get that taken care of somehow, ok?

A provocative new documentary, “The Waiting Room,” is a snapshot of Highland Hospital in Oakland, Calif., one of the nation’s busiest safety-net hospitals, which is stretched to the limit with 241 patients a day, mostly uninsured, who need medical care they can’t afford.

They take a number and they wait, sometimes coming back two or three days in a row. It might be months before they can get a doctor’s appointment. With only one operating room, the most urgent cases go first and the rest wait. A man with a survivable gunshot wound has waited two days to be seen…

[The filmmaker] dispels the myth that safety-net hospitals are free. [A] carpetlayer with bone spurs … finally sees a specialist, but earns just a little too much to qualify for Charity Care, [and] takes home a large bill for Highland’s services.

How unfortunate, but it’s more important that we have freedom than free health care, don’t you think? Or perhaps we could just implement Medicare for all and stop worrying about this crap. But we are raving socialist commie pinkos, so what do we know.

[ABC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 230 comments }

Come here a minute September 26, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Would it be despicable to wish that someone who supports this type of system gets the ball cancer? Hmmm. Despicable, yes, but also deliciously ironic.

weejee September 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Downright nutz.

SmutBoffin September 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Don't you mean " 'nad cancer of votes"?

Come here a minute September 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm

In fact, I am thinking of Mitt Romney's balls in a gun sight (of cancer!).

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2012 at 1:43 am

Those were surveyor marks of cancer.

rickmaci September 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Just wish a jewels heist on them.

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Of course you'd need to have balls first.

Callyson September 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Hillary could give two of hers to Mittens. Problem solved.

AznMom420 September 26, 2012 at 8:45 pm

This is why I've invested in a cottage industry of golden nad caddies, its only a matter of time until all that "clean" nuclear energy catches up with the market.

miss_grundy September 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Unfortunately, if you are thinking of the same person that I am thinking of, he probably has a cadillac health insurance plan and more than enough money to be seen by the best doctors in the best hospitals around. The only justice would be that he didn't pay attention to any of the signs and that the disease has advanced to a point that he loses his testes and has a full penectomy. Then, we could both be happy….

Without the votes…..

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2012 at 1:44 am

Two Cadillac insurance plans!

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:13 am

Rosie O'Donnell libel!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:08 am

The people who support this system are precisely the people who won't ever have to use it. Charity hospitals are for "you people".

Poindexter718 September 26, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The key is to cut the cancerous yarbles with a boxcutter to trick the ER doc into taking a look at them.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

You've got good solutions. Are you a member of the 1percenters club?

Poindexter718 September 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Thanks and yes, I'm all about solutions. Solutions and jerb creating. Also personal responsibility and making not mooching.
So then I'm all about: solutions, jerb creating, personal responsibility and making not mooching.
Also, I built that. And not apologizing.
So, to recap, I'm all about: solutions, jerb creating, personal responsibility and making not mooching and building that & never apologizing for America.
I think that's it. –Cheers

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I heard the Romney campaign is hiring again.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

For sub-minimum intern pay, no benefits, and 80 hours a week.

badseeds September 26, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You would think this problem about the testicles would resonate with R & R, since they have such big, brass clanging ones.

tracyhasfun September 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I thought it was the tinkly of Baccarat crystal…

HogeyeGrex September 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Must be the armadillos in their trousers.

BornInATrailer September 26, 2012 at 5:35 pm

(Malignant) Ball is in your court, Mitt.

nounverb911 September 26, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Mitt's unemployed, does he and Egg have medical insurance?

iburl September 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm

They have extended warranties and rust protection.

nounverb911 September 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

And magic undercoating?

weejee September 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Too bad they're not from American Motors.

memzilla September 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Some of his best friends own insurance firms.

AncienReggie September 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Better than that, even. You'll recall her speech at the GOP convention when she said how important it was to have a doctor you know will pick up the phone when you call in the middle of the night. (Spoken with that, "doesn't everybody?" lilt.)

So, who even needs insurance when you have a Concierge Doctor at your beck and call? Of course, Rafalca probably just has the regular Romneycare coverage, house calls during business hours only.

littlebigdaddy September 26, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I am sure that the dancing pony has better health insurance than I do.

glasspusher September 26, 2012 at 5:36 pm

It would be nice if only dicks got ball cancer. Actually, not. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone.

Guppy September 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm

With votes!

sewollef September 27, 2012 at 8:24 am

Actually, not. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone.

No, me neither. However, a fall on the street sustaining a nasty break of the leg in several places requiring urgent medical care, but — and I stress — NOT acute enough to jump the queue of that gunshot victim.

Being in severe pain while waiting for several hours isn't that bad, right?

Barbara_ September 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm

We should have a free ball cancer screening.

Beowoof September 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I don't know, depends on who is the screener. I nominate Amy Adams. After working with Clint I am sure she can do it.

JustPixelz September 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

The ladies can use their ball cancer screening vouchers for lattés at the abortionplex. Everybody wins!

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Yes! That screening, done by under dressed ladies, could be a frequent thing. Or, for teh gheyz, under dressed men, as we will not tolerate discrimination in our ball screenings.

AlterNewt September 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm

As long as it doesn't involve one of those breast-squeezing contraptions.

ttommyunger September 27, 2012 at 8:13 am

Is that an offer? (he pants, excitedly)

PuckStopsHere September 26, 2012 at 5:38 pm

People who have brass balls (which is what I think Bill Clinton meant when he said of Paul Ryan, "It takes some brass…) don't have to worry about testicular cancer, so man up, boys.

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

The added benefit of brass balls is they require regular polishing.

iburl September 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

From what I hear on AM radio, if it's a legitimate cancer, a good prayer will shut that whole thing down.

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

You need to apply a commemorative Goldline coin on it first.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:16 am

Ding, ding, ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

This is good news for women!

–or–

This is bad news for Lance Armstro– oh, already removed? This is good news for Lance Armstrong!

SmutBoffin September 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

When I used to smoke cigarettes, I would always buy the packs that warned of the effects of smoking on pregnant women. Because those are perfectly safe for dudes, right?

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Bill Hicks: "Gimme a carton of Low Birth Weights."

Beowoof September 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Grayson was right all those good right wing Xtians are like just die already.

glasspusher September 26, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I live in Oakland and I'm not sure where this hospital is! Clearly, I have health insurance.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

You don't want to know where it is. It's in that part of town where people are always getting shot up all the time.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:17 am

Oh, so you mean it's somewhere in Oakland.

MittBorg September 27, 2012 at 1:57 am

HAHAHA. There's parts of Oakland that are very wealthy and white and exclusive and safe. And then, yeah, there's Highland Hospital, and the East Oakland ghetto where all the Poorz live, and people get shot all the time. Business as usual. Nobody even reacts any more.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

Hey, I can make that joke being from Detroit, another city with clusters of neighborhoods that don't see a single murder in a year and then where literally a few blocks over it's a warzone.

MissTaken September 26, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Or you haven't been shot with a gun. It's a Level 2 trauma center so they get all the crazy gunshot wounds. My friend was an ER nurse there and had some horrible stories to tell.

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm

That's why I remember it – it was mentioned in all the news stories involving gang shootings back when I lived in the Bay Area.

glasspusher September 26, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Wow, between you and MittBorg, I'm convinced! As long as I'm not shot, I'll steer clear of that area!

MittBorg September 27, 2012 at 2:01 am

Well, even if you're shot, as long as you have insurance and it isn't anything serious, I would, um, give them a wide berth. It's a GREAT hospital, AFAIK. Like MissTaken says, they take all the serious gunshot cases, so they have lots of expertise at saving lives. But it's pretty fucking intense. You really don't want to go there unless you absofuckinglutely have to.

MittBorg September 27, 2012 at 1:59 am

Oh dear. ER personnel are just amazing people. Very weird, very good, very crazy. The job requires compassion and it makes you crazy, I think.

Barrelhse September 26, 2012 at 5:41 pm

"God WANTS you to have cancer"…….."NEXT!"

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

You weren't using them anyway.

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I remember a cartoon that depicted a man receiving a blowjob in a hospital bed by a nurse. Beside him was another bed, occupied by a man who was clearly protesting the lack of "service", and a wonkish administrator was telling him, "But you're not in-network."

emmelemm September 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Been reading Playboy, have you?

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm

That, and Spy Magazine. And I fapped more often to Spy.

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"Dear Penthouse Letters…"

MLHencken September 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

What happens if your trucknutz get cancer?

rickmaci September 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Uninsured motorist might cover.

SmutBoffin September 26, 2012 at 5:54 pm

You need a nutziotomy, lest it become malignant and spread to your bumper or upholstery.

skmind September 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

You cover it with a Jesus fish.

starfanglednut September 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Call triple A?

unclejeems September 27, 2012 at 2:51 am

It couldn't a Ford the treatment.

Caelan Aegana September 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I can't stand to watch things like this. It's bad enough with my employer-based insurance, which is so abusive that I end up paying about 50% of the things that are supposed to be covered, AFTER nine months of appeals. And this year they are trying to foist on us the glory of the HSA, which can be summed up as "we are going to charge you to use your own money to pay for your icky health problems."

I don't want to think about how it could be worse.

(No snark – apologies.)

Estproph September 26, 2012 at 5:46 pm

You must have Cigna.

Caelan Aegana September 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Humana. But we are moving to Cigna next year, because our employer apparently didn't think we were being adequately punished for that whole being alive thing.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Humana truly sucks ass, and should be renamed InHumana, just so people know up front what they're getting. Cigna's even worse? Sweet Jebus. Any of them worth a shit?

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Or maybe Kaiser Permanente, which I had once upon a time. They're the Paul Ryan of healthcare — full of statistics, all of which are bullshit.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

True story about Kaiser. I took my elderly mother in once because she was having chronic nosebleeds. During the office visit she began having a bleed. They couldn't/wouldn't do anything for her, she must go to an ER. But — they wouldn't let me use one of their wheel chairs or let someone accompany me to bring it back, so I ended up having to call an ambulance to take her across the fucking street to that hospital's ER. I sure felt like they cared deeply about her well being that day.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I am not the least bit surprised. We had to call them before going to a hospital, and their call center peoples' first response to everything was to take an aspirin.

And if you wanted to never hear from them again, the best thing to do was call up and say you were out of town and could they recommend a place wherever you were at the time that they covered? I'd call them leeches, but at least leeches don't charge you.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Another true story about Kaiser, which I had way back when I was a Poorz: They almost killed me. They gave me something that was contraindicated for some other problem I had and it made me vomit myself inside out. I called in sick to work, and this lovely woman I used to work with called Kaiser and screamed at them till they sent someone over with the antidote. I told the guy I couldn't get to the door, and he said, "Crawl if you have to because if you don't take this soon, you're gonna be dead." Amazing how much power a few little words can have.

I have NEVER gone to them again. And I never will, if I have anything to say about it.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm

And they treat their sick employees even worse.

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

…or the endless line of "We cover that — except you transversed a wormhole and ate a concrete salad, thus you are denied" problems, or the costly eyeglass program that gives you a pair that resembles something you can get in prison, or dental that doesn't cover — seriously, hold on — wisdom tooth extraction.

I don't even…

Caelan Aegana September 26, 2012 at 6:49 pm

The last two years it's been "guess which doctors are in-network THIS week! Isn't this fun? It's not fun? We don't cover complainers."

Although I think my favorite/most loathed moment was when the rep told us he thought the plan requirement for us to negotiate with our doctors on price from our hospital bed was a great customer care perk.

One of the Brits in our office answered with a hearty "Oh FUCK you."

sewollef September 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

I don't want to get really sick in this country.

If I do, I'm flying home to the UK and get it for free.

I LOVE living here [New York], but I hate the healthcare in this country, it is seriously, the. fucking. worst. I've ever come across. Third-world quality.

But then I used to live in France, where they pay you to convalesce after an illness or accident. Pick you up at home in an ambulance and take you home in one.*

*After falling off a ladder cleaning crap out of the gutters of my house in Toulouse, this was my punishment at the hands of the French health service.

Those bastards.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I'll have to slightly disagree. While the delivery of health care is a complete and utter disaster, the quality can be excellent. The problem is, of course, access and even geography. There's a reason every sick dictator in the world comes to have surgey and treatment in the United States.

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Yeah, don't talk to me about dental. My son had to have thousands of work done a few years ago because (like his mother) he doesn't have all his adult teeth and so you have to either put implants in or save what you can of the baby ones so he doesn't look like a hockey goon. The insurance didn't cover shit, and since it exhausted the family pool for that year my wife's two root canals later that year weren't covered at all. Just about every year since she's had at least one major issue, typically the result of some prior effort failing, and every single time it costs hundreds to thousands of dollars. I'm constantly pissed about that.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 27, 2012 at 6:52 am

Dental "insurance" is the biggest scam in the industry. Basically, anything costing more than the annual premium is not covered.
Implants are "cosmetic" by definition — even if they prevent the rest of your teeth from turning sideways and falling out of your head. Things have to reach a truly horrific state of affairs before bad dentition becomes a "medical" condition — and they know you'll spend thousands out of your own pocket to avoid reaching the stage where they might have to start providing coverage. So they just sit there with a smirk, while they leave you on the hook for all the drilling, filling, bone grafts, and $1,000-a-microgram BMP treatments that the oral surgeons want to use.
Nice world they live in: no negotiated prices, and every customer pays retail. If your kid wants to go into medicine, the best advice you can give is to suggest oral/maxillofacial surgery.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm

It's not a terribly snarkable subject, in all fairness.

Caelan Aegana September 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I used to find some black humor in it. Now it's just congealed to this sticky tar shit that won't even catch on fire.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

(Pats your back) There, there. You'll see the hideous humour in it again, some day.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2012 at 1:52 am

Great, another tar sands denier. Why do you hate America?

Caelan Aegana September 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Doesn't that make me more of a Canada-hater?

Speaking as the nerdy chemical engineer that I am, it is in fact really hard to set tar sand on fire. That's why it costs so fucking much to extract oil from it.

Blueb4sinrise September 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Is that a side-ball photo?

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You work for HuffPoo?

Blueb4sinrise September 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Apparently, since I don't get a check.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 8:32 pm

(removes own ears and tail, hands them to Blue) Here. You totes fucking win that one.

Gleem McShineys September 26, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Penis Puppetry (WARNING DO NOT GOOGLE)

BartStarrland September 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Survivable gunshot wound? Damn. Don't think I'd do too well in the 510.

Not_So_Much September 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

My crappy insurance is the reason I use the Anthony Weiner method and just twatter pictures of my junk out randomly with the standard request, "If you see something, say something!"

kittensdontlie September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Sounds reasonable, but Homeland Security might get a call if anyone suspects "signs of reconnaissance or equipment tampering".

SnarkOff September 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I hope you stand clear of the closing doors.

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

There are two types of cancer Mitt could never possibly develop: testicular and brain.

SmutBoffin September 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I disagree; I think Stench is just one great big walking ball-tumor.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

But something is sure eating away at his votes.

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm

That might be cancer of the personality.

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Do robots get cancer?

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:32 am

No, but they can get incurable viruses.

calliecallie September 26, 2012 at 5:45 pm

You'd think a guy whose wife has MS would want people to have universal health care.

Oh, right, they have that in Massachusetts, don't they?

What a fucking hypocrite.

Tequila Mockingbird September 26, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Ironically, Mitt is the man he is today because his mother smoked during pregnancy.*

*Not intended to be a factual statement.

Guppy September 26, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Who didn't smoke back then?

Besides, I'm sure she preferred Chesterfields.

sewollef September 27, 2012 at 8:46 am

Most doctors recommended Chesterfields.

I've seen the ads. It must be true.

EatsBabyDingos September 26, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I'd like to nut-punch Rmoney in his crystal balls. Does that make me a bad person?

FlownOver September 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Today we are all bad persons.

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Come On, Everybody! Romney, Ryan! Romney, Ryan! Romney, Ry … er … hello?

Nostrildamus September 26, 2012 at 6:09 pm

No record found for your query "Romney, Ryan".
Did you mean "Stench, Gilligan"?

viennawoods13 September 26, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I cannot wrap my mind around how you people manage to live in that country. Up here in the Great White North, I birthed 2 babies, have had a miscellany of minor surgeries, watched my father and my mother-in-law receive stellar palliative care as they died of cancer, watched my sister receive cutting-edge treatment for leukemia … all without a bill. Even our nasty Conservative fearless leader, Stephen Harper, would not DARE suggest taking that away from us. Ever.

BoroPrimorac September 26, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Give it a few years, it's only recently that your conservatives have been bitten by the Teabagger bug.

viennawoods13 September 26, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Au contraire! The current crop of Cons pioneered teabagging as the Reform Party of Canada starting in the early 90's. But even they, at their most Refoooorm, did not suggest getting rid of Medicare.

GregComlish September 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

First they have to run up the debt with massive spending on military hardware and tax breaks for the wealthy. Then they start talking about the need for making tough choices to keep the fiscal house in order.

viennawoods13 September 27, 2012 at 8:07 am

It just doesn't work that way in Canada. Trust me. Their own constituency would be the first to get pissed off and toss them out of office if they threatened Medicare. It's been here for 50 years and for any party to suggest scaling it back would be political suicide.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Death Panels!!1!

OneYieldRegular September 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm

All we're doing is managing to live; it's a full time job. Invade us, please, should What's-his-Mitt get elected.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

We surrender. Here are flowers and kisses. Would you like your foot-rub now, or after your blow job?

Designer_Rants September 26, 2012 at 8:13 pm

That's the problem: we spend all the healthcare, education, infrastructure, R&D, and General Welfare money on weapons – so we're broke-down enough that no one wants to invade, and if they do: Hope they got nukes and crazy drones and aircraft dongles, cuz otherwise; FREEEEEEEDUMB!!!!1 …and bombs.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Once it becomes the law of the land, it is ironclad and the Republicans know this, which is why they fought so hard against it. I get the feeling they've pretty much given up for the time being, although their think tanks are bound to regurgitate it as a policy paper within a couple of years.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:36 am

It really is something rather amazing. You've got a nation of over 300 million, and you have to just hope that your job has shitty health insurance, or you have to downgrade by not having a full-time job and get government health care and hope that you can find a doctor that will accept Medicaid patients. Either that, or you just hope you live long enough so you can get Medicare.

carlgt1 September 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Mitt buys a million dollar horse as equine therapy for his wife's MS, so do you think he really understands or cares about problems of the poor through middle-class with healthcare?

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Let them all buy horse.

BlueStateLibel September 26, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Wonkette's been giving us My Little Ponies lately, one look at them makes all the cancers go away.

slowhansolo September 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Fighting the socialisms is truly worth many obscene privations.

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney … I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney … I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney … I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney … I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney … I must not wish testicular cancer on Mitt Romney …

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

It won't help. He has enough money to have them gold-plated and encrusted with diamonds. He doesn't need health insurance.

Pancreatic cancer, on the other hand, he couldn't buy his way out of. But wishing that on him would be wrong.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

No, you must not. It will diminish you and not affect him in the slightest.

deanbooth September 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

But would you vote for it?

Estproph September 26, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Here's a tip for the future: The guy with the gunshot wound probably have bumped up in line had he had another gunshot wound. So he really should have shot himself multiple times.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Wonkette is very depressing today.

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Mah nishtanah, ha-laylah ha-zeh,
mi-kol ha-leylot?

sudsmckenzie September 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Is that Jewish for "and Ken isn't even here"?

mille derps September 26, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Okay, okay- I atone already…

BadKitty904 September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

It is. I s'pose that's due to the nature of modern American politics and the general dumbfuckery of the electorate…but it does make me a sad panda… :0(

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 6:59 pm

No shit. Gem put me back in a good mood, but now … I dunno. Here, go read this. Maybe it'll cheer you up.
http://www.examiner.com/article/november-election

Jus_Wonderin September 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Hahaha at you Mitt. I had my TruckNutz installed today.

OneYieldRegular September 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Yes, but your deductible just went through the roof.

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Voting! It's like free chemo for a malignant Romney.

rickmaci September 26, 2012 at 5:53 pm

RepubliCon health care. If you get sick, die. To protect your family, die quickly

Jus_Wonderin September 26, 2012 at 5:59 pm

It really is a shame we don't have high speed rail. I have this plan that if I get a terminal diagnosis that I would don my cow suit and head out to the tracks.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I have this fantasy involving high powered … um … ballot boxes and long range … votes? … and the Koch brothers having a picnic with Roberts, Alito, Thomas, and Scalia.

mille derps September 26, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Do you then fantasize about banquets featuring all the other nutjobs who couldn't attend the picnic?

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:38 am

Alan Grayson libel!

banana_bread September 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I wish I could find the story I read about a woman who came in to the ER with cervical cancer so bad you could *smell* it. She of course could not afford insurance and the ER could do nothing for her.

We are a third world country with a veneer of civility over it.

lizunyan September 27, 2012 at 1:10 am

:( :( :(

ttommyunger September 27, 2012 at 8:16 am

Didn't see it on the teevee, so it must not have happened.

RufusTFirefly September 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Does this mean Mitt will take his ball and go home?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

But…., but, Romney once had a butler who dropped the silver, and after he was fired, he had his broken toe fixed by the ER room for free!

Radiotherapy September 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm

As an ER doctor for the last 25 years, I just want to say one thing:
I hope Mitt comes to the ER with his heart attack and has to wait behind all the moochers with ball cancers who are clogging the system. We'll get you extra strength Tylenol for that chest pain governor.

Single Payer Now!

And there is nothing funny about cancer.

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

This is why hearing Romney bleat about his wife's MS to demonstrate his compassion drives me crazy. Ccompassion for the sick shouldn't end at your property line.

Radiotherapy September 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Obvsly, there is NO way they would go to an ER for AnnToinette's care.

SnarkOff September 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm

No snark. Ever ER doctor I know says the exact same thing.

emmelemm September 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm

There is absolutely nothing funny about cancer.

MittBorg September 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm

(Hugs you) Dear Radio, that explains so much.

Designer_Rants September 26, 2012 at 8:20 pm

OMG. I finally understand that months ago, when I thought you wrote that you're an "ED" doctor, I just misread it. I kept wondering if you were an "Erectile Dysfunction" doctor.

AznMom420 September 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm

ED doc could fix all these limp dicks inside the beltway if you catch my drift.

Radiotherapy September 26, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I deal with a lot of dysfunction, but oddly, ED is one of the few things that people don't rush to the ER with.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 12:27 am

Not even if the little blue pill has made their erection last more than four hours?

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:40 am

Okay, you are awesome. That is all. BTW, does your name have anything to do with radiology, or am I reading too much into it, now?

Radiotherapy September 27, 2012 at 8:04 am

It's my disgust at the great scam of Radiation Oncology. Someday, no doubt, and hopefully in the near future, we will look at treating cancer with radiation the same way we now look back at using leeches for treating illness.
Well that and the fact that I haven't given up on radio yet.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I feel that way about chemo, too. My grandfather when through it a couple of years ago, and it got the cancer…and ended up destroying entire other organs.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2012 at 12:19 am

Yes my friend, I have touched on the chemo/radiation scam before on these threads. What is a bit ironic is that ball cancer is one of the few, i.e. 5% of cancers that actually has a measurable improved survival rate with the poisons. (Because the cells are differentiated.) In the vast majority of adult malignancies, for a given stage of cancer, chemo/radiation have not changed survival rates from the 1950's. (Yes, another war we have lost.)
Oncologists have glommed onto the success and advances in medical care to feed the Chemo-Radiation-Industrial Complex. Poignancy sells.
Sorry about your Pops.

GregComlish September 27, 2012 at 8:04 am

Whoa. I though wonketeers were all office drones or unemployed

SoBeach September 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Or perhaps we could just implement Medicare for all and stop worrying about this crap.

That's the right answer of course, but it can't happen overnight. Hundreds of thousands of people work for health insurance companies. They would all be out of a job. Untold thousands more work for doctors and hospitals doing nothing but wrangling insurance company paperwork.

Add to that the fact that so many private retirement accounts, union pensions, and public pension plans are heavily invested in the (very profitable) health insurance companies and you realize no matter how satisfying it might be these companies can't just be killed. Especially not in today's economy.

It will take time, but it will happen.

cousinitt September 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I wondered about that too but we would still need the staffing for a larger Medicare. The wranglers of thieves could be retrained to work in other government positions that require a similar skill set such as finally beefing up the enforcement wing of the EPA to fight that bastards that have crappy coal mines and pollute groundwater, etc, etc,…

The CEOs and corporate lawyers could be retrained to staff neighborhood care clinics in inner cities. Well that, or provided lead parachutes.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Next step is the public (or, in the context, pubic) option, which will allow insurance companies to slowly die off as they fail to compete.

SoBeach September 27, 2012 at 9:00 am

Exactly.

HempDogbane September 26, 2012 at 7:20 pm

We just want to shrink the insurance industry down to the size that it can be drowned in the bathtub.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:44 am

Or a bedpan, and god knows how much they charge you for one of those.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Question: Do poor ladies with breast cancer suffer the same fate?

Answer: Yes, but like pain in childbirth, breast cancer is the price that womenfolk pay for the seductress Eve's temptation of Adam, so it's OK.

starfanglednut September 26, 2012 at 6:47 pm

God, that is so depressingly true.

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 7:00 pm

No… that's not exactly right… Breast Cancer is God's punishment for a woman having an abortion. If a woman gets breast cancer, but swears she never had an abortion then her body musta had a way of shutting that sucka down and she never even knew it.

banana_bread September 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Oh,and the thing that really kills me is that this ER-based safety net is the least cost-effective, riskiest way of providing health care possible. Do these people not realize that we would save a shitload of money by asking care of problems BEFORE they become emergencies??

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm

No, why do you ask?

kittensdontlie September 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm

The problem is they have shit for brains.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:45 am

Yes, but Freedom.

Wilcoxyz September 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

It seems like only last election cycle you could pay the doctor with a chicken or paint their house. Free markets!

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 12:28 am

I remember that! And we turned the aborted fetae into lemonade.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Let's have none of this foolishness about single payer — keeping an insurance company's profits to a minimum so they can serve the greatest number of people is practically robbery already — are we going to just kick the poor middleman to the curb completely and make him crawl in the gutter on his greased palms, while his wife is forced to buy non-black angus steaks and his children go to public schools? Where, I ask you, is the humanity in that?

PubOption September 26, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Insurance companies = Hindenburg.

sullivanst September 27, 2012 at 12:59 am

"Oh the Humana-ty"

keepwalkin September 26, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Is Willard applauding or rolling a pair of necrotic testicles in his hands.

With that smirk, it's hard to tell!

Baconzgood September 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Butt (pun intended) what of my "taint"? Is my taint protected? 'Cause I gotta cyst under my balls the size of a Top Flight.

JustPixelz September 26, 2012 at 6:31 pm

For taint complaints, you go to Staples.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

As advised above, get a box cutter and go to work.

4TheTurnstiles September 26, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"This is such bullshit."

–Gov. Tom McCall, the last good Republican, who had the courage to struggle with testicular cancer in public nearly thirty years ago.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 26, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Mittens has never been been sick a day in his so called life. See how easy it is you lazy 47%.

BlueStateLibel September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Robots can't get sick – well, he did get that one computer virus – but I see your point.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 12:30 am

All diseases are caused by caffeine?

TakomaDC September 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

Not true. Mitt has valiantly dealt with his Aspberger's syndrome and never received a bill due to Romney-Care in MA.

JustPixelz September 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Legitimate cancer is not a problem. Because when a man has magic underwear, his body has ways to shut that thing down.

sudsmckenzie September 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

2014 and we can all have our balls fondled!.

OneYieldRegular September 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Who is this "we" to whom Romney refers?

TakomaDC September 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

his balls of course!

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

BlueStateLibel September 26, 2012 at 6:38 pm

No snark, but there's another great thing about universal health care: employees don't have to depend on their current employer for healthcare, which means they're more free to leave to work for better employers or even start their own better company, which means more innovation in the long run, for a more robust, more competitive free market. Snark part: Dubya said the exact same stupid thing about emergency rooms and the uninsured.

BadKitty904 September 26, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"we" = "you proles"…

MissTaken September 26, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Live Free and Die!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 26, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Too bad our country doesn't have insurance. Otherwise mebbe we could get this giant tumor called the GOP excised from our rectum.

owhatever September 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Ann Coulter had testicular cancer himself and just chewed them off.

Dashboard Buddha September 26, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Am I the only one that gets a Chester the Molester vibe from that picture?

littlebigdaddy September 26, 2012 at 8:01 pm

No.

An_Outhouse September 26, 2012 at 7:41 pm

my balls are cute.

Gleem McShineys September 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm

(nerd wakes up, doesn't move)

Girl 2: Hi, penis! Oh, boo-boo-boo-boo! There you are!

(first girl takes a picture)

Girl 2: You're a tiny penis, yes you are! Who's a tiny penis? Who's a tiny penis? You are! Oh, you're so cute, aren't you!

Girl 1: Ha ha! How tiny!

Nerd: Dang it…

chascates September 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Eventually the right will get a Christian Science candidate and healthcare will be eliminated since prayer is all that is required. And without any healthcare most people will be prayin' like mofos!

mrblifil September 26, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Well he didn't mean to imply the system works for black folks in places like Oakland. I mean c'mon.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 12:32 am

Ann Rmoney: "I mean, REALLY, why don't those people just MOVE?!"

littlebigdaddy September 26, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Obviously, if you have ball cancer you need to befriend some Feminazis, cuz they will shrink your dick and cut your balls off for you, gratis. Or so I have heard.

CommieDad September 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I really don't see the problem. Just perform your own castration and the ER will consider it an emergency. Problem solved. Oh, and I hear you'll live longer without any balls too.

GregComlish September 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm

That's why you should always wear magic Mormon undies.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 12:43 am

Ball cancer is not acute

Well, that depends on how big or small your balls are.

sullivanst September 27, 2012 at 12:57 am

Of course, what Mitt fails to mention, what the wingtards all fail to mention, is that while EMTALA requires the hospital to stop you from dying before they ask for all your munniez, it absolutely does not prevent them from taking all your munniez the moment that last suture is in place.

So great, you didn't die today, hopefully (sadly, many ERs play ambulance pingpong, since EMTALA requires them to either stabilize you or send you to another ER that can, so you might die being driven around at your estate's enormous expense trying to find a Doctor whose boss isn't a total fucking sociopath), but you will still be in bankruptcy court tomorrow.

Negropolis September 27, 2012 at 1:50 am

But, look at the bright side. After they destroy your finances, you'll be eligible for Medicaid!

sullivanst September 27, 2012 at 9:12 am

… Or will you?

If you're single without kids, of working age and not suffering from a chronic disease, not all states will grant Medicaid eligibility on mere extreme poverty. Also too, poverty is measured on income not assets, so the fact that you have nothing may not officially make you poor for the purposes of Medicaid eligibility, if you're one of the lucky few who, after the ER provides the minimum amount of treatment necessary to push you out the door alive, recovers good enough health to be able to work.

DahBoner September 27, 2012 at 8:00 am

I don't know. My balls are pretty cute.

ttommyunger September 27, 2012 at 8:18 am

Mittens-Balls: does not compute.

notanncoulter September 27, 2012 at 8:53 am

I can't wait for Sarah Palin to weigh in on this. [sorry - could not resist the urge]

I hope a question like this comes up in the debates, because it's an indefensible position and I would love to watch Mittens squirm trying to twist something resembling logic out of it. [can you just imagine the word salad Palin would make of it? HA! Gotcha!]

BZ1 September 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

Too bad Mittens (the Stench) couldn't see Canada from his perch in Massachusetts.

TakomaDC September 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

What if one's boules are intérieure? E.G., tender sweet ovaries?

MLite September 27, 2012 at 10:10 am

On a serious note, I was in the waiting room at one of the nation's top cancer centers a few weeks ago and we overheard a young man diagnosed with leukemia. Because he was uninsured, and could not prove that he could afford the huge costs of treatment out of pocket, he was told he would have to wait until it progressed and got bad enough that he could use the emergency room. USA-USA-USA

Geminisunmars September 26, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Oh, a part-time job, I see.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 12:14 am

I have some friends who swear by the kaiser; I only want to swear at it. I'm so glad they didn't manage to kill you.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2012 at 12:19 am

Only if you're not the one who has to clean up after Rafalca.

MittBorg September 27, 2012 at 12:53 am

Yet. I wouldn't put it beyond them to try.

Geminisunmars September 27, 2012 at 1:02 am

They may be plotting as we speak!

MittBorg September 27, 2012 at 1:55 am

I r suspishus.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Somehow access to Canadian petroleum product = US-American energy independence.
I don't make the rules in wing-nut world!

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