OO-OOH THAT SMELL  11:55 am September 26, 2012

Paul Ryan, ‘Reportedly,’ Simply Does Not Care To Take Calls From His Stinky Old Boss

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Love on the rocks, ain't no big surpriseDoes Politico chief political columnist Roger Simon know what “reportedly” means? Dear reader, do you? For those without your Editrix’s fancee “specialized journalism” master’s, it means “someone somewhere else has already published this information, which we have not confirmed ourselves, but are kind of taking their word for it.” And Politico chief political columnist Roger Simon says that, “reportedly,” Paul Ryan “has been marching around his campaign bus, saying things like, ‘If Stench calls, take a message’ and ‘Tell Stench I’m having finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan and will text him later.’” Did anybody besides Roger Simon report that? Sure, in the future! Now Roger Simon can simply go back and link to all the people, like us, who have used his report, and say it has been reported! It is sort of like how they got the intel to go to war in Iraq.

We are vaguely sure Roger Simon is attempting “satire.” (His closing sentence, “Sources close to the Ryan campaign tell me his two new PowerPoint presentations will be: ‘How a Bill Becomes Law’ and ‘Canada: Friendly Giant to the North,’” sort of nails it.)

But short of emailing him and asking him, there is simply no possible way to tell! Therefore, we are forced to work from the assumption that Roger Simon is typing out God’s honest rumors and not trying to pen the next “Joe Biden’s Bitchen Camaro.”

But why is Paul Ryan (“reportedly”) being so mean to papa Romney? Well, a) Craig Robinson in the New York Times said Ryan was going to have difficulty getting the Romney stench off him, and b) we are just spitballing here, but sometimes politicians are not very good at controlling their egos! Like, one time we were having an affair with a state senator, and there we were, gazing at him properly and listening to him yammer on and on, our eyes open wide like a good political wife, and as we hung on his every word, we inserted a question that showed how engaged and interested we were in whatever the fuck he was profoundly orating upon, and he held up one index finger and intoned, with this crap Reagan jolly smile, “Now now, I’m not done talking!”

Anyway, we figure Paul Ryan is a spoiled primadonna crazy bitch.

[Politico]

 
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{ 199 comments }

no_gravity September 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

The Stench and Gilligan – The Republicans built that.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Along with Obama's growing poll lead.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

You said "growing pole" heh, heh…

YasserArraFeck September 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

We talking about Joe again?

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Stench Gilligan 2012

can't get enough of that.

zumpie September 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Stinky Thurston doesn't love Little Buddy, any more…

HempDogbane September 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

Caller ID was invented as a result of Mitt Romney.

mille derps September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I thought it was Voter ID Laws?

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

When you call Mitt, you can't to tell if it's him or the answering machine.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Hell, even when you're talking to the guy face to face you're never quite sure.

finette_ September 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Retroactively.

nounverb911 September 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

Does Peggy Noonan know what a "finger sandwich" is?

Nostrildamus September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

The Brits call them "bangers".

Limeylizzie September 26, 2012 at 1:43 pm

We do?

bobbert September 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

That one lost me too, and I'm not even Brit.

IncenseDebate September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

The stench might be from Noonan finger pie.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I was really hoping we could rise above that kind of imagery, as I had just run out of brain bleach.

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 12:46 pm

So you are saying that Mittens and Pegster are doing the dirty?! I thought I'd heard that somewhere before.

And, of course, it would be irresponsible not to speculate….

Limeylizzie September 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

You have made me consider the arid, lonely, cavernous vaginal vault of Dame Peggy, I will have to adjourn to X-Tube and unleash my own moist, supple, delicately- scented
snatch.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Need a hand?

CindynEncinitas September 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I'm sure Peggingshire Montnooninghaven's simply smells like mendacity.

Limeylizzie September 26, 2012 at 2:45 pm

With a hint of gin.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Oh, I'm sure she's had a few at the Hahvahd Club during happy hour.

nounverb911 September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Under the stuffed elephant head?

ChillBill September 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Or a "finger bang"?

eggsacklywright September 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Something to do with upfisting?

Gleem McShineys September 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I wonder if it is related to a "knuckle sandwich" ?

Paul Ryan is punching Peggy Noonan (in the vahjeen)?

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

Guess he's going Ryogue.

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

He's nailing down his wink for the debates.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

He can see Galt's Gulch from his house.

mille derps September 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

Mitt keeps calling me, too, also. But having a conversation with robo-Mitt is pretty pointless (just ask that CO schoolteacher), so can't say as I blame Ryan on this one.

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

He calls me too. Says he wants money. I tell him to look in his offshore accounts. But it's just a robocall.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I'm getting them, too. They go something like this:

Mitt Romney: [in a slow, dull, monotone] Hi, this is Mitt Romney, calling to let you know that your spouse just died in a car wreck… [pause] that was a joke, by the way, like to one I told about my wife being trapped in a burning plane because the windows don't roll down. Anyway, I'm just calling to ask for your support this November. I hope I can count on it. Thanks!

Nostrildamus September 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

OK, this is getting fun.

Serolf_Divad September 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Seriously, I haven't enjoyed following politics this much since Cheney shot that guy in the face.

ChurchofRealism September 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Want to know what's even more hilarious? No veep on the losing ticket has ever come back to win the presidency. Ever.

freakishlywrong September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"Now, where in the hell is that petard"?

EatsBabyDingos September 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

P-tard is not just for Ron Paul anymore.

Not_Mother September 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hoisted on the legacy of… stench.

hagajim September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Somewhat ironic if true, since its the stench of the Ryan plan (among other things) that is making this campaign smell like rotting carp on the banks of the Mississippi.

freakishlywrong September 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

But he's a genius, a policy wonk, if you will. (Media, you OWN this shit, by the way).

BadKitty904 September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I'm sure the first-mate of the Titanic got tired of listening to all the bitching about that iceberg, too…

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

These two deserve each other.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

The Stench is strong with this one.

kittensdontlie September 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Craig Robinson in the New York Times said Ryan was going to have difficulty getting the Romney stench off him.

All of us too, Katie.

Indiepalin September 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

What you mean "we", paleface?

fuflans September 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

and he held up one index finger and intoned, with this crap Reagan jolly smile, “Now now, I’m not done talking!”

i hope you bit that finger off.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Or at least broke it.

kittensdontlie September 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Broke it or that other thing he points with.

Mojopo September 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

This is thoughtful critique about The Journalisms, as opposed to The Gossips. However, I'm wondering who you banged because sometimes gossip wins.

Nibbler of Niblonia September 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

commiegurl i'd let you interrupt my profound oration any time

Callyson September 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

the Romney “brain trust” in Boston…rumor has it, that refers to Ryan as “Gilligan.”

Now that you mention it, he does look a little like Gilligan…

Lot_49 September 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

"Now Gilligan, if we could just get these two coconuts into orbit…"

Rosie_Scenario September 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

And Mitt would be Thurston Howell III, right?

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Is "reportedly" anything like "allegedly"?

bumfug September 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm

"Ooo, Ooo, that smell.
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooo, Ooo, that smell.
The smell of death surrounds you."

Oh, Mitt! They're playing our song!

Nostrildamus September 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm

#stench now trending on Twitter …

Iam_Who_Iam September 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Ha… I just checked it out and the first tweet I read was:

How can we be on #stench already when I wasn't done with #airplanewindow or #emergencyroom? Slow down, Romney campaign!

Lot_49 September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

This couldn't have anything to do with today's poll info, dya think?

"We're down ten points in Ohio–what the fuck is Holy Boy doing? Now which one of you geniuses is working on my résumé?"

ManchuCandidate September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Worst pairing since Jim Belushi and <NOUN>

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Television?

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Acting?

Texan_Bulldog September 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Mashed potatoes?

(Or any of the female writers at SNL–might have to Google that one)

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

a vagina?

Esteev September 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Booze?

mayor_quimby September 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Hey, he was great with Tupac in Gang Related! Sadly, the wrong partner got shot in Vegas, otherwise we'd be watching season 8 of According to Pac

randcoolcatdaddy September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Oh dear. Someone just left a flaming pile of stench on the front doorstep….

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"STENCH! STENCH! STENCH! STENCH!
Now that chant kind of has a nice ring to it.

IncenseDebate September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I'm looking forward to when we forget these losers.

Lot_49 September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I just hope the media don't treat them the way they treated McCain and Palin–that is to say, as if their ignominious loss somehow didn't disqualify them from ever commenting on anything again.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Who?

fuflans September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

i don't know, i think paul ryan's doing a pretty good job tarnishing his own reputation.

weejee September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Funny how hydrogen sulfide does that to silver, or in Ryan's case quicksilver, the toxic douche.

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Thanks to Ryan sales of P90X have dropped 17%.

*I did just make that up, but Fox will still report it as fact on 11/7/12.

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"Stench" is a good nickname. For either of them.

weejee September 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Smells like Team Mitt as Stinque pointed out.

Biff September 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

There was a character nicknamed "Stench" in "The World According to Garp", and the guy said it was because he was rotting from the inside. It fits.

Doktor Zoom September 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Reminiscent of one of the few good bits in Joseph Heller's dreadfully bad Closing Time, his ill-considered sequel to Catch-22: the Secret Service codename for the President (unnamed, but obviously Dan Quayle) is "The Little Prick."

SmutBoffin September 26, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The Stench & Bad-Shirt-Boy.

Sounds like the ultimate superhero team-up.

zumpie September 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

All of them, Katie

Not_So_Much September 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

To be fair, I don't take Mitt's calls either. Also.

weejee September 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Call and email blocking are such a wonderful technologies.

freakishlywrong September 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

It gives me enormous pleasure just KNOWING that little shitweasle is ruing the motherfucking day he even met the Panderbot.

TootsStansbury September 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He who smelt it dealt it, asshole.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I hope Ryan realizes it will take a shower longer than four more years to get that off him.

zumpie September 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He will. As he either A) retires altogether after he loses his congressional campaign or B) is no longer EVER again allowed at the KKK Kool Kids Kongressional Table and sits alone on the very backest of benches.

sbj1964 September 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

That Stench is the smell of desperation.

weejee September 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Election day is still moar than a month and four debates away, but Mittenz campaign already has the bouquet of the crypt. The fine whine of Republicanism is circling the drain not the glass.

comrad_darkness September 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

It had to be satire because there are about a thousand baillionity better nicknames for Romnoid rMoney Badger Scrooge McLetThemUseTheEmergencyRoomToManageTheirDiabetes McTaxCheat George W the III Esquire.

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

That Self-Entitled Asshole?

calliecallie September 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

On Wisconsin! The nation is counting on you to make sure this loser loses twice on election day. Let's see if he can shake off that kind of stench. Maybe he'll actually have to get a job in the private sector come November.

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

No, he'll just jump over to a think tank, for which he is patently unqualified.

Texan_Bulldog September 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Yeah, and God forbid he get a REAL job instead of sucking off the government teat like he has the last 20 years of his life.

vtxmcrider September 26, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Longer than that. How about when he was sucking up Social Security survivor benefits that he used to go to school after his father died? This guy's whole life has been parasitic.

Biff September 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I'm sure there's a safe place waiting for him on K Street. We're doomed.

Baconzgood September 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

“Joe Biden’s Bitchen Camaro.”

Great song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v3CzvQ9e_w

Estproph September 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Maybe Romney needs to quit taking his morning shower with liquefied money.

kittensdontlie September 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

That green liquid isn't soap, it's….*screams*

Baconzgood September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Romney Stench: new cologne from Calvin Klein.

freakishlywrong September 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Game Change II The Stench.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

But on Saturday, the day after he was booed, Ryan broke free. Appearing at a town hall meeting at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Ryan showed the glitz, the glamour, the razzle-dazzle that he was supposed to bring to the campaign in the first place.

Yeah — definitely satire there.

Doktor Zoom September 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Or wishful thinking.

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Nah, if you click the next page, the razzle dazzle was a power point presentation. Which is something Ryan is well known (and loathed for) in Congress.

Simon does a pretty fair take down of the cruelty that power point inflicts on an audience, especially when accompanied by a 10 minute monologue on debt. So my verdict is more sarcasm than pure satire, because apparently Ryan really is committed to boring people to death with power point when given the opportunity.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2012 at 1:33 pm

What must it take to be not as scintillating a PowerPoint presenter as Al Gore? Or to be considered a crashing bore by your colleagues in the House Budget Committee? The mind shuddders.

emmelemm September 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Give 'em the old razzle-dazzle…"

Beowoof September 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Admit it Rmoney is one stinky motherfucker and each new revelation or comment he makes ratchets up the smell, its already at sewer full skunks and climbing.

Ruhe September 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Before we all start celebrating the inevitable second term…and I think it is inevitable…ask yourselves this: Will the Republicans in congress finally shake their heads and say "well, he's got us by the short hairs so I suppose we'd better start working together to solve some of this crap, you know, take the long view and all and just do our jobs." Or is it more likely that they'll just double down, as they always do, since the "lost money fallacy" seems guide every aspect of their behavior, forever, amen.

Jus_Wonderin September 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

It is difficult to predict. I'd like to contemplate the former as the latter involves me playing a game of Spin the Handgun.

Mojopo September 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Republicans still want to win elections. If Obama wins, yes – they will have to change their model. I don't see Republicans going from disagreeable cockbuckets to negotiators, but the rebranding effort will begin quickly if the President wins.

Biff September 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Down-ticket is very important. It amazes me when a state can deliver for Obama, and then give us a Scott Brown. Or Walker. Or any number of other Scotts or Browns or Walkers.

Dildeaux September 26, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Reconstitute farther to the right and win a majority in the House during the 2014 mid-terms. There shall be no soul searching at all. They just aint gettin it.

Lot_49 September 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Speaking of Po'o, how about this headline:

Santorum, DeMint back Akin

Jesus, you can't make this shit up.

Esteev September 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Huckabee took to twitter to announce how "excited" he was that Santorum and Demint joined him and Newt to back Akin.

"Friends like these, huh Gary?"

Mojopo September 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I read Politico's article last night, and while I am skeptical, the story resonated with me because it feels emotionally truthful. It isn't hard to imagine Paul Ryan acting like a bad replacement boss on The Office because I can effortlessly recreate the image in my head. He looks like a guy who would say that, and he acts like it. That story says more about me (or anyone who enjoyed it) than it does about Ryan, because it's really about my opinion of him and his boss.

prommie September 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Thats sooooo Foucault! Postmodernism libel!

Mojopo September 26, 2012 at 1:40 pm

No, it's PMS. I need candy.

johnnyzhivago September 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Mitt can't fire him, but he could "outsource him"

Texan_Bulldog September 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Looks like it's time to strap someone to the top of the campaign bus.

BadKitty904 September 26, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Or under it…

Boojum September 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I love the stench of the circular firing squad.

IncenseDebate September 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Romney's comeback, "He who smelled it dealt it." He then cut Ryan's hair with some garden shears while quoting long passages from Atlas Shrugged.

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Romney-Ryan! Romney-Ryan! Stench-Gilligan!

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm

No, no, it goes… we want… grey poupon. We want… grey poupon. Yeah, that's it!!!

LibertyLover September 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I love the smell of stench in the morning.

Doktor Zoom September 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Fact Check: Joe Biden's fictional car is a bitchen Trans Am.

(He really does own a totally rad '67 Corvette, though).

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"The stench, you know that pandering stench, the whole country. Smelled like
[sniffing, pondering] …victory. Someday this election's gonna end…

sullivanst September 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

ZOMG I thought those Stench quotes were our Editrix egging the pudding for comic effect, but no, they're copied verbatim from Politico. Yowser!

RRoccoco September 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Weasel fight! Bring it on! No lies barred!

prommie September 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

OT, but Nelson Muntz' favorite singer has died! Branson loses another star!

slowhansolo September 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

It takes a second encore to make Muntz.

viennawoods13 September 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm

And I can't get "Moon River" out of my head.

fuflans September 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

this is the douche ticket:

come on america! step right up and vote for the rich and entitled white guys who inherited their fortunes and don't pay taxes but want to make sure you can't get food stamps because of morality. also, make me a sammich.

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

A bacon sammich, dammit!

zumpie September 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

To be fair, the "make me a sammich" was directed at Consuelo, while the ladies were busy having thier nails done

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Bet Romney wants exclusive, 24-hour access to Ryan's "Stench Trench."

Caelan Aegana September 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Does P90X turn people into assholes, or is it only assholes that like P90X? The world may never know…

Biff September 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

My ink-slinger is on the P90X program. Good artist, but he could be an asshole, too.

elviouslyqueer September 26, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Yes.

fawkedifiknow September 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I was always told that "taint" is that area between an asshole and a cunt – taint one or the other. That leads me to conclude that anytime you're standing between Mitt and Ann, you're in taint territory.

Come here a minute September 26, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies.

Jus_Wonderin September 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Febreze?

Baconzgood September 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT!

Weenus299 September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Interestingly enough, Dark Lord Dick Cheney was called "Stent."

RufusTFirefly September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

To be fair, "Stench" is Romney's Secret Service code name.

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

win.

Weenus299 September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"Stench" is so fucking midwestern. If he were from the South, Mittens would be "The Stank."

Mittens Howell, III September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ryan: "Where's that Stench coming from?

Romney: points at empty chair.

ph7 September 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Karl Rove might as well start shoveling that PAC money into his personal accounts. No point in making radio and TV station owners rich for no good reason

prommie September 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

That is not how they got the intel to support the invasion of Iraq! I know exactly where they got that intel. There is this guy who lives under a bridge beside the Delaware River that I pass every day going to and from work. And he is always talking and gesticulating wildly, like he is in a heated argument with someone who is not there. And he is always saying crazy crazy shit, like "We know that Saddam has the capacity to re-activate his weapons of mass destruction research programs." This guy, I am sure of it, is where they got that intel about the WMDs being to the north, south, east and west of Baghdad,. This was the guy that knew about the unknown unknowns!

emmelemm September 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm

This would be funny, if only it wasn't true.

freakishlywrong September 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

As much as I loathe the both of them, this kind of mean-spirit could only come from a wingtard. Democrats would really never say anything that nasty, (in public, at least).

Jus_Wonderin September 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I am sure someone as noted this but, doesn't it just crush one's soul to realize how much money is being spent to get these two into office and to realize how much that money could help if put forward for good and NOT evil?

Hey, I only need a few hundred thou to retire. Look over here. I am the one jumping up and down waving his paws.

ThundercatHo September 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I've been wondering everyday how many children could eat/have decent housing/go to college on the money being wasted on this campaign.

Peckerwood_Pete September 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

If Paul Ryan doesn't look like the quintessential Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile driver in that photo above… I don't know who does….

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Dude, Paul, that's me. Papa Bear and Ann-toinette haven't cleaned my stable. I've been relegated to car port. (RIP SEAMUS BABY :'( )

Chichikovovich September 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

‘Canada: Friendly Giant to the North,’

I loved that show! "Look up, waaaaay up. And I'll call Rusty."

viennawoods13 September 26, 2012 at 10:12 pm

And now "Moon River" has been replaced with "Early One Morning" Jerome the Giraffe!!

elviouslyqueer September 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

To be fair, if I were Ryan I would also want to be a million miles away from Eau d'Mitt, which has top notes of epic failure and horseshit, with vague hints of sadness, desperation, and rank entitlement mixed in, and with a strong finish of stale coffee and Vitalis.

Mondo_Cane September 26, 2012 at 12:59 pm

stale – decaffeinated – coffee….

Dildeaux September 26, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Vitalis always gets a +1. Find a way to work in Score, Brylcream and Doans Pills and Ill marry you.

DocChaos September 26, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Moar Fifty Shades of Gray Davis political sexytime stories!

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 26, 2012 at 12:46 pm

God, I'm at least 10x more giddy about this election than 2008. Wow.

BadKitty904 September 26, 2012 at 12:48 pm

So, Ryan *doesn't* believe his Mitt don't stink?

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I know you like to thank yo Mitt don't stank, but lean a little bit closer….

cc423 September 26, 2012 at 12:50 pm

The best video from this campaign thus far was shot on 9/25/12 in Ohio. Romney standing in front of a large crowd with Ryan just behind him said that President Obama has not raised taxes in the last four years, but he will in the future. The look on Ryan's face was priceless.

Close_Read September 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I will be so glad when this unctuous little man in his too-big suit goes away. He needs a duck embroidered on the pocket.

MonkeyMotion September 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Staffer: Mr. Ryan, Stench is on the line.

Ryan: Take a message. I don't need anyone — especially that jerkwad — to tell me how to make an asshole of myself, thank you very much…"

Fox n Fiends September 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Is the Ryan – Palin "Rogue" sex tape out yet?

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Not yet. Tawd has been too busy "hunting" with his Alaska pals.

LibrarianX September 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Sarah just needs to take the poor boy shopping.

barto September 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Sounds about right, as Paul Ryan is around seventeen years old mentally and emotionally.

mr bojangles September 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

reportedly romney told ryan 'i raped and killed that girl in 1990, not glenn beck!'

chicken_thief September 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm

To which Ryan replied "you raped her? What was sex with a woman like?"

docterry6973 September 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I didn't catch that 'reportedly' subtlety. Journalism is hard, so let's gossip instead.

I don't think that Ryan goes around calling Mitt 'Stench', but it speaks volumes about Romney that no one is really sure.

cromiller September 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Seven-term Congressman Ryan has to distance himself from VP-candidate Ryan.

Chet Kincaid_ September 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

At the end of page 2 of Simon's column:

[Author’s note: Jonathan Swift did not really want Irish people to sell their children for food in 1791; George Orwell did not really want the clocks to strike thirteen in 1984; Paul Ryan, I am sure, calls Mitt Romney something more dignified than “Stench” and Microsoft did not invent PowerPoint as a means to euthanize cattle. At least I am pretty sure Microsoft didn’t.]

Great, now the "stench" thing will have to be endlessly debunked, like that Romney quote some jerk "pundit" made up earlier in the campaign season. Journalists are supposed to be better than this kind of sloppy shit.

pdiddycornchips September 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Real journalists require at least two sources before going to print. Judith Miller wouldn't quote Ahmed Chalabi without confirming things with Doug Feith.

ttommyunger September 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Hate to break it to you, Sparky, but that "stench" is your upper lip.

rocktonsam September 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

"Stench" an instant classic!

He got that from the now closed GM plant.

Lots and lots of re-elect Ryan signs to congress all over Janesville also

Rotundo_ September 26, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Unfortunately it's the folks in Walworth County (Think Lake Geneva) that elect the little brown noser over and over again. Bastard isn't in my district thank doG…

Designer_Rants September 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I read this last night and thought "WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING!!!" The author, on the 2nd page of the Politico column, starts saying a bunch of shit he thinks is funny or cute, so I thought… "Okay, this is a jokey-type-thing, so is that part about Ryan saying 'put Stench's calls on hold' from the 1st page true? Jokes? half-truesies-half-jokesies? Which half is the truesies, which half is the jokesies?"

Politico sucks.

DahBoner September 26, 2012 at 1:51 pm

GASP!!!

The only nick worse than 'Stench' would be 'Lumpy'.

Or 'SmoothAsBabyPoop'…

James Michael Curley September 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"Paul Ryan is a spoiled primadonna crazy bitch"

Now we know what Romney finds in him. If he was blonde Mitt would get him an apartment right off Central Park.

owhatever September 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

"Sorry, Stench."
"It's okay, Gilligan. Ann's kinda mad."
"Why?"
"Some kind of woman thing."
"Bush called Karl Rover 'turd-blossom,' and that worked out okay."
"I'll remember that. Hey, Paul — Ginger or MaryAnne?"

ColHeightsChic September 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Rebecca, I have SO MANY questions:
Which couldn't-quite-make-it-to-U.S.-Senator did you bang?
Was he good?
Did he give as well as receive?
Were you trying to sleep your way to the top? If so, the top of what?
Did you wash your stained dress afterwards?
I accept both factual and alleged responses.

commiegirl99 September 26, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I will never tell.
Yes.
No.
No.
I never wear "clothes."

Guppy September 26, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Hell, my only question is whether you had to drink before, during or after sharing this little anecdote with your captive readers.

BoroPrimorac September 26, 2012 at 2:02 pm

See what happens when you kiss too much ass, Paul?

TribecaMike September 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

"A political party without big dick jokes is a doomed party." — Ben Franklin

pdiddycornchips September 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Who's more overrated? the Packers or Paul Ryan?

An_Outhouse September 26, 2012 at 2:20 pm

At least Mitt's still got the chicks:
Womynz 4 Mitt !!11!!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B0O64rMUikY/UF6EPAaNXvI

CindynEncinitas September 26, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Did someone order the crushed stink bug finger sandwiches?
http://news.yahoo.com/stink-bug-invasion-promises

crybabyboehner September 26, 2012 at 3:11 pm

That Skynyrd song would be a good one for Romney's rallies!

mbobier September 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Hear that smacking and crunching? I love the sound of wingnuts eating their own young….

deliman4 September 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Shoulda called him "THE TAINT"much more appropriate!!

Tundra Grifter September 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"Like, one time we were having an affair with a state senator…"

Reminds me of the secret Wonkette lobbyist columnist with the sweater puppies.

And Jessica Cutler.

Good times!

Zobaface September 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The whole Romney Ryan ticket smells like a guy eating a gargonzola cheeses sandwich while getting a permanent in a porta-potty.

kingofmeh September 26, 2012 at 6:00 pm

i think the article is the best thing on Politico, ever, just for this paragraph:

"Conducting a PowerPoint presentation is a lot like smoking a cigar. Only the person doing it likes it. The people around him want to hit him with a chair."

Smithboy September 27, 2012 at 6:07 am

One…two…three…four…everybody sing the Romney theme song…..Can't buy me love….ove! Can't buy me love…oveee….oveeee!

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