nature kills jobs

Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored

What, this? Normal.Climate change and contributing factors from carbon-intensive societies will cause the deaths of an estimated 100 million people in the next 18 years, according to a report released today that politicians will be paid handsomely to throw away and never think about again.

More than 90 percent of those deaths are expected to happen in poorer, farming-based developing countries, according to Reuters, which explains why Mitt Romney does not give a flying you-know-what about dealing with climate change, and would rather use it to make fun of Obama, because the free market will extinguish the flaming poors, that is just how it works.

Sen. James Inhofe (R-Oil Rig) will also likely ignore it, because God controls the climate, not people. (It’s OK — he’s only the ranking member of the Senate environmental committee.)

The classic climate stupids aren’t the only ones who won’t be helping — the Senate just voted unanimously (!!) to block a European Union requirement that airlines pay for carbon offsets on international flights, on account of air travel causes huge amounts of pollution. Reliably, Sen. John Thune (R-Nowhere) turned that debate into some other weird thing:

“The Senate’s action today will help ensure that U.S. air carriers and passengers will not be paying down European debt through this illegal tax and can instead be investing in creating jobs and stimulating our own economy,” Thune said in a statement.

Follow the logic? The money you save on that trans-Atlantic plane ticket will create jobs, because that’s the only argument we’ve got left, never mind that climate change is already putting a huge dent in the global economy.

Let us all immediately request the emails of the scientists who did the study, to call them gay and liars. [Reuters]

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    1. Terry

      They'll use Federal dollars to build cofferdams around the exclusive gated enclaves and tony shopping districts and let the rest of the population and land sink beneath the waves.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      As one speaking from the nether regions, could y'all hang out and let me make some kind of grand escape before we all do the great point and laugh? I swear I would LOVE to be able to look down on all of this, I am a very nice person, you all would like me.

      1. prommie

        Personally I like it down south. I like the heat, and the humidity. But, that said, any time you want to escape the coming flood and plagues, just tap me on the head.

      2. ThundercatHo

        We have some land north of Richmond, VA with a hill, you are welcome to look down, point and laugh from there. Heck, if shit gets real it may even have an ocean view.

    3. Boojum

      Buy property in the middle of Georgia and Alabama. It is your new beachfront home.

      Also too, build waterproof ferroconcrete bunkers, in anticipation of monster hurricanes.

  1. Mittens Howell, III

    Apparently god's too stupid to operate the climate machine:

    "Turn the knob to the right. TO THE RIGHT!! you galactic moron."

  2. hagajim

    I look forward to a bunch of these naysayers getting killed off by West Nile virus. Most of the idiots are in the southern U.S. correct? Might brighten up the gene pool.

  3. johnnyzhivago

    Having the ocean levels rise about 450 feet would be just perfect for me, because it would turn the Zhivago compund into sort of a "Monterrey" in the New Jersey mountains. I am already planning my oceanfront landscaping.

    I say "bring it on"!!!!

    1. Lot_49

      My move from Denver to San Diego isn't looking so smart now. At least I got a few years in without shoveling snow.

    2. prommie

      Hunterdon? Or up around Phillipsburg? That one closed down scenic overlook on 78 that you can still walk up to, if people could just see the view from there New Jersey wouldn't get the shit it does. Oh, and Christie, I guess we deserve it, what with the fat fuck representing us.

        1. prommie

          The highest elevation in my county is 180 feet. My property is at 6 feet. The earth only has to sneeze and I am swimming.

        2. FakaktaSouth

          Hey fuck em, you know? They don't even appreciate the water-war we will be (already are) fighting between Bama and Georgia before any of this comes down anyway. If you and I can make some kind of pact now I would appreciate it.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            There weren't no ice in that tequila and that seemed to work out really really good. So maybe just some agave plants and patience?

  4. PsycWench

    The report contains those liberal talking points such as "facts" and "science" and "data" so it's probably the work of Satan. Pass the fried pork rinds please.

  5. Terry

    Poor people in farming based countries and animals like polar bears don't contribute to GOP PACs and candidates so thus global climate change isn't occurring.

  6. CivicHoliday

    I read today that pig farmers are predicting a global bacon shortage next year and possibly beyond, because summer droughts (which will only get worse) cause feed corn shortages. So suck on that, climate change deniers. You may not die but God will punish you by taking the B out of your BLT

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      Bill O'Reilly's gonna be pissed when the intern brings back his Bacon, Loofah, Transvestite sandwich and he finds out there's no bacon on it.

  7. freakishlywrong

    We have sitting members of congress who believe Jesus dismounted from his vegetarian dinosaur in order to write the Constitution. The Founders were all off trying to abolish slavery.

    1. Peckerwood_Pete

      Yes, because we all know how much that offshore money is helping stimulate financial growth here in the States…..

    2. RALitherland

      Highest point in the Cayman Islands: 141 ft above sea level. On Grand Cayman, 60 ft. Switzerland may be a better bet.

    1. LibertyLover

      Senators will have motorboats and Congressmen will have row boats (and aides to row them). They will be paid for by taxpayers.

  8. Woodshedding

    Never mind the airlines, think of all the coffin maker jobs that will be created. Can't believe they're missing that obvious talking point.

  9. OkieDokieDog

    I was hoping that Jim Inhofe (Big Oil's Call Girl) would get the blue cootie disease AGAIN this summer from swimming in the blue-green algae contaminated lakes in Okieland.

    1. freakishlywrong

      That was so sweet..
      EPA: "Due to Global warming, the lakes are overgrown with toxic algae. It's unsafe for swimming"
      Inhofe: "Fuck yew, EPA, damn elitist science, fuck yew,!" Splash.
      Global warming hoax group" "Due to illness, our keynote speaker cannot be here today."

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I actually received a palm tree as a house warming gift from someone. My husband was totally against the idea, so a friend bought one for me so we wouldn't be able to return it.

      You wouldn't think that they'd thrive in Bothell, but they do.

  10. Lot_49

    They laughed when Mitt stashed money in Switzerland, but he'll be swimming off the dock of his Zermatt mansion while all the rest of us are drowning or baking. The Cayman investment was a hedge against nuclear winter. Mormons don't store up a year's worth of food in their basements because they think everything's going to turn out well.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "investing in creating jobs and stimulating our own economy”

    Do they make those "See 'N Say" toys with political catchphrases? He left out "tax break to help create jobs."

  12. LibertyLover

    I am always amazed how the GOP uses science (or lack of scientific evidence) to further programs they want: {Backscatter Radiation causes no damage to your nads when we xray your body before your airplane trip, fracking doesn't damage water aquifers, etc} and discounts science when it comes to programs that they don't: Airplanes produce carbons that pollute are air and warm the earth.}

    Surprisingly, the link between these two seemingly is the money they are bribed with from the industries involved.

    1. Incitefully_Joe

      To be fair on the BS radiation pornoscanner point, my understanding of how backscatter radition works would suggest that it's much more likely to give you skin cancer than cause sterility.

      So, you know, there's that.

  13. fawkedifiknow

    We need to have the Koch Brothers give an unbiased look at these findings before we get all judgmental, and shit.

  14. Oblios_Cap

    More than 90 percent of those deaths are expected to happen in poorer, farming-based developing countries

    This is good news for ConAgra! Of course, they will have a hard time finding the labor for their megafarms when all of the Somalis die off.

  15. magic_titty

    What these developing countries will need is more air conditioning. Keeps down the temperature, doesn't use a lot of energy, and is good for the environment. Also, 'air conditioner drip' is a localized, albeit crude, water source.

    Do I have to think of everything?

  16. Lot_49

    Most of us by now acknowledge that the Second Amendment was a mistake, or at least has been overtaken by events and should be repealed. To the extent that it will help get believers out of Congress, or at least no longer allow them to claim biblical justification for every damn thing they do or won't do, can't we now tinker with the First Amendment just a bit?

    Something like this, perhaps:

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or but shall prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

    What's the harm in changing just a few words?

    1. Boojum

      Oh! And change the first clause to "Congress shall make no law showing respect for an establishment of religion…"

  17. Ruhe

    So if the people who deny/ignore climate change are also the ones who typically deride evolution as merely a theory, and if our species is literally on the verge of being driven out of existence by some of the very mechanisms which that "theory" postulates, is that irony? Because I think that's the only really interesting issue for discussion here at the cafe at the end of the world, i.e., is our self destruction in any way ironic and interesting or just sad and stupid? Is god laughing or snickering or is he and or the universe just indifferent? Think about the number of deaths we are anticipating. One hundred Million? That's horrendous and yet it's not a dent in the global population (overpopulation). So we get lots of gruesome carnage now and the promise of plenty more to come. I just read "The Hunger Games" and thought it sucked. This real world narrative stinks too.

    1. Boojum

      You could think a about it this way: The 100,000,000 million people who die will leave rotting corpses which will spread disease on a massive scale, thereby further reducing the population and humanity's environmental impact. The worldwide economic collapse will even further reduce humanity's carbon footprint, probably to the point that CO2 begins to fall again. So, really, it is good news.

  18. LibrarianX

    If Sen. James Inhofe believes that God controls the climate, he should be concerned that God is trying to demolish his state of Oklahoma with fires, earthquakes and tornadoes. But then, subtlety is lost on people like Sen. James Inhofe.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Sen. James Inhofe, when Obama signed the first budget presented to him in October 2009 (Yes, Virginia Democratic Congresses and Democratic Presidents did get to pass budgets), got an earmark to clean up a lead based Superfund site in his state to the tune of getting almost 25% of the EPA's 'remediation' budget for that year. It was also accelerated so the clean up would proceed faster. I'm dealing with that as "Native Lands" are included in Region 2 EPA Superfund affairs and we are trying to get money.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    But climate scientists have warned that the chance of limiting the rise to below 2C is getting smaller as global greenhouse gas emissions rise due to burning fossil fuels.

    Oh sure, burning fossil fuels is going to destroy the earth, blah blah blah — just measure that against how angry Jesus will be when He comes back and finds out we haven't even touched all the coal that He left in the ground for us. We're not falling for that ruse, Mr. Evil One.

  20. DahBoner

    Hey, what's the big hurry?

    I say we should wait until millions of Republicans are wading through 6 feet of water in places like Floriduh, then offer them coupons for swimming lessons down at the Ayn Rand Swim Center…

  21. pinkocommi

    It is ironic that Republicans reject the theory of evolution, but thoroughly subscribe to social darwinism.

  22. LibertyLover

    When the waters rise on the Capital Mall in DC, will the water be warm, too? Because that would make a sweet, sweet hot tub.

  23. Estproph

    I was re-reading the Rolling Stone article about climate change yesterday, when I noticed a fact that makes me very depressed: the real reason for such obstinacy from Big Oil/Coal is that the oil reserves they hold in the ground have already been traded as futures. So, for them to give up drilling/mining means they give up money they have already made. Fat chance of that ever happening.

  24. pinkocommi

    Can someone point out to Republicans that an environmental holocaust won't be so good for job creation because we will all be dead?

  25. OneDollarJuana

    Not to be a contra, but 100 million deaths just about matches the increase per year of human population. So global warming might be good thing if it stops human population increase.

  26. iburl

    Science is just fancy talk for "The-Devil's-Work". I'm sure the big invisible dude with the beard and gown will step in and save us all at the last possible moment, because, historically, that's how he generally operates.

  27. calliecallie

    "…U.S. air carriers and passengers will not be paying down European debt through this illegal tax and can instead be investing in creating jobs and stimulating our own economy…”

    Because certainly the best way to stimulate the US economy is to take a European vacation.

  28. An_Outhouse

    "deaths of an estimated 100 million people in the next 18 years, "

    This should solve all kinds of problems due to over population. File this under good news stories.

  29. ttommyunger

    Not reported is the fact that Sen. James Inhofe is about a gazillion years old and hates everybody, including himself, his kids and grandkids, so what's it to him, amirite?

  30. valthemus

    Deniers don't want to deal with climate change until its effects are obvious, costly and undeniable (in other words, when it's actually too late to fix anything).

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