WE'RE HERE WE'RE QUEER GET USED TO IT  4:30 pm September 25, 2012

Sad Mitt Romney Tries Unsuccessfully To Lead Chant Of His Own Name

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Today’s installment of Mitt Romney’s Existential Sadness brought to you by Daily Kos.

[Youtube]

 
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{ 300 comments }

nounverb911 September 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

You say potato, I say potahtoh.
Let's call the whole thing off.

NorthStarSpanx September 25, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Mitt, fluffers can work for more than just the porn industry. Be a job creator, hire a fluffer before your appearances and you won't have to lead your own cheer again for the next seven weeks.

l_boogie September 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Somebody got a prototype rhythm chip installed!

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"What kind of kook, would make cats puke?!"

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

BTW, I was at a Green Peace Rally years back and everybody's chants were rubbish so I started saying this really loud and everybody started repeating it. I don't even remember what we were outraged about, but it probably didn't have anything to do with Cats.

LionHeartSoyDog September 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm

"What kind of Cucumber would make cats Puke November?"

ChillBill September 25, 2012 at 4:33 pm

White Men Can't Chant.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

They were chanting "Willard, Willard"?

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I think it was "Imhotep! Imhotep!"…

IonaTrailer September 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

"Klaatu barada nikto"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

They weren't booing, they were saying BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOROMNEY

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The sole survivor of the plane crash, he eventually ate himself.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

That is a very talented man. Few people can do that.

Yellerdawg September 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

I read that story! It was a short story by Stephen King about a guy who survived a ship wreck by eating himself. Lead to some really interesting lunch time conversations at work.

Baconzgood September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I can do better
*clears throat*

BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON!

See your cheering Baconzgood

WhatTheHeck September 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Actually, I was cheering for your brother, Chris P.

NorthStarSpanx September 25, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Bacon, heard you went up in price, and in related news, the South are the fattest states. Where do you live?

Baconzgood September 26, 2012 at 8:38 am

The North. PA.

UW8316154 September 26, 2012 at 10:05 am

Going up in price now, are we? Sounds like *someone* is letting a jerb go to his head and is turning all ELEETIST on us now!!1

SmutBoffin September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The energy is palpable in Vandalia Ohio.

Nostrildamus September 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

The work you're looking for is "entropy".

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

It's a dark energy…

Come here a minute September 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Not ready reading drive A
Abort, Retry, Fail?

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm

EPIC Abort, Retry, FAIL

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

CTRL-ALT-DEL..fuck it… FORMAT C:

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

418 I'm a teapot (RFC 2324)

jqheywood September 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

My very FAVORITE RFC….

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Also symbolically, more or less the only plank in the Romney campaign his base is voting for:

"Not coffee"

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Not rfc 1149?

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 9:59 pm

That's a good one, but I remain more partial to RFC 1149 myself.

PubOption September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

No, he's a republican machine. Abort is not an option.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 September 25, 2012 at 8:19 pm

He's a RICH Republican machine…abort is hidden under "maintenance" from the wingnut runtimes.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

WIN

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

fdisk

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm

FSCK!

Come here a minute September 25, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Romney's more of a chkdsk.

HRH_Maddie September 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm

His sadness is my happiness.

elviouslyqueer September 25, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Nostrildamus September 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

"What I did on my summer vacation"
(NSFW)

LionHeartSoyDog September 25, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Sheeple Libel!

(usamurka#1!!!).

Sue4466 September 25, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If he wanted aliteration, shoulda gone with "lame and loser." I'd chant to that.

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

And when that got tiresome, we could switch to "lame and lamier."

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Sue, I approve this message.

Hammiepants September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I guess they forgot to reboot him before they had him take the stage.

Joshua Norton September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.

- Voltaire

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Your Emperorness has come up with the perfect quote. I applaud respectfully.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:19 pm

"Dear lord…stay out of our way…"

- Stewie Griffin

tihond September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

R-M-O-N-E-Y R-M-O-N-E-Y

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Maybe Mitt should hire some of those cheerleaders Biden likes to watch on the hardwood without a net.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I could tangle out what could be a clever euphemism in that post but I will quibble with "Mitt should hire".

LionHeartSoyDog September 25, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Wealthy Old Goats trying to achieve hardwood w/o Big Pharma is one thing, but who is Annette?

Trannysurprise September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Pretty presumptive of Mittens to assume Ryan hasn't just stone cold bailed on his ass sometime in between him getting off the bus and oh, 4 seconds later.

l_boogie September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Palin went rogue, Ryan goes Galt.

weejee September 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

And the TeeTards want him to go Glock.

BloviateMe September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

The scene from 8 Mile left on the editing room floor.

savethispatient September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
ChillBill September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Sad Trombone / Rusty Trombone 2012.

nounverb911 September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Needs more "Blue Screen of Death" (with votes).

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Even his hair is all unkempt. Mittens is just falling apart these days.

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Seriously, what the hell is going on with his hair these days? I'm concerned.

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Needz moar gel

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:36 am

Must be a problem with his circuitry.

UW8316154 September 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

And the orange face, too -what's going on??

/ worry /

Estproph September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm

RAW!
MONEY!
RAW!
MONEY!

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Things sure have changed since the entire young entrepreneur's club cheered him on as he chopped off the gay kid's hair.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I'm sorry to say, Mitt, but life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Hold on to 16 as long as you can…

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

That's Biden's purview.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Inches or years?

weejee September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Thought Dr. Jill said a yardstick.

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Mouthful

Generation[redacted] September 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

2016 is his next chance, after all…

Terry September 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

A little ditty about Mitt and Ann

Peckerwood_Pete September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Romney chants are no fun… nothing really rhymes with "Romney"… now… "Mitt" on the other hand… I can think of one word in particular that ryhmes with Mitt……

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Momny!

Peckerwood_Pete September 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I suppose "Shillard" would work too…

Callyson September 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

There is also "twit," but your word is more accurate and fun.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Hit? Bit?

bflrtsplk September 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Zit!

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:39 am

Ooh, ooh, I know! Is it Cli<CENSORED>?

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Tit? Nah, that's a naughty word. You must be thinking of Wit.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Nitwit?

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:40 am

Schmidt?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

That could be the first time anyone has ever used Mitt and wit in the same thought without "half" coming in between.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

But wit is something Romney lacks; however he is a tit.

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Hominy

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Grit?

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Puffy and white? Yes.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Grit Hominy!

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Quit?

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I vote for this one.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

half-wit, armpit, culprit, nitwit, unfit, zit.

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Hit(ler)?

Dudleydidwrong September 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Pit? Obit? Spit? Dimwit? My choice is "Unfit."

slowhansolo September 25, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Miffed Ennui?

rocktonsam September 25, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Nit Wit

Biel_ze_Bubba September 26, 2012 at 5:22 am

Idjit.

gurukalehuru September 26, 2012 at 6:07 am

Mitt's a twit with little wit, a stupid git who makes me spit, he has a zit in his armpit, he slammed the Brits, he's quite unfit, he's easily mocked in comedy skits, he made his poor dog Seamus shit, that's about it, I'm going to quit.

But I like Hominy Rominy, too.

Yellerdawg September 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

You are a cross between Dr.'s Seuss and Demento, and I say that with true respect and admiration!

mavenmaven September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That's what it sounds like when you pay for your "crowd" at less than minimum wage.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Mitt the bit!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"NOT THE BLACK GUY! NOT THE BLACK GUY! NOT THE BLACK GUY!"

This guy really needs to learn how to play to his base.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

All his base are belong to Jesus.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Jesus take the wheel; take it from my hand…

KeepFnThatChicken September 26, 2012 at 9:04 am

I hate that fucking song. It exemplifies quitters.

UW8316154 September 26, 2012 at 10:01 am

Why'd you have to bring $arah into this??

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 10:50 pm

….cause I can't do this one my own; I'm letting go…

ChrisM2011 September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Biden is having panties thrown at him, Mitt. Let's try to keep up.

Radiotherapy September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop……

YouBetcha September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

You didn't build that.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

NEEDZ MOAR BILL

lizcharm September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Okay, I officially feel REALLY bad for him. I can't look straight at him, anymore.

Boojum September 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Me, too. I cringed. Then I laughed at the comments, so I'm a bad person.

DemmeFatale September 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'm worried that he's "un-peaking" too early, and that he will stage a come-back.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm

"No worries folks. It's just a bit of ice. Remember this ship's reputation. We will be serving champagne around the Grand Staircase".

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:05 pm

"It's just a flesh wound"

lulzmonger September 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dis-"

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 12:19 am

The media will do its best to make you feel that way after the first debate, but this is getting to the point of cement shoes hardening up. The only real issue is who all goes down with him.

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:41 am

With any luck: All of them, Katie.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I'll feel bad for him when Nokia repossesses him.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I would, too, but then I remember he's an arrogant, vicious, amoral swine…

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Mitt dries his tears with one million dollar bills.

BoroPrimorac September 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Not me. Fuck him and his bicycle helmet.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Well, hell the trouble here is obvious, he went polysyllabic-consonance, and words are hard, especially when all the Rs I know still in this thing for him are soley NOBAMAs at this point. They don't really like being reminded of who their candidate actually is.

I figured they were failing at the classic, "Mitt Mitt full of shit," so, shows what I know.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Still, I bet everyone in the audience got a medal and a juicebox for trying, the precious little trigs, oops, I mean angels.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

You're going to get us in trouble again. And one day, I may make you go to one of these things, down in the trenches, so we shouldn't over-generalize that EVERYONE there is conservatarded. Some of them may be really really drunk and taunt-y with a hot ass Camaro in the parking lot waiting to make a hasty getaway if needed.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

That would be great if you ever met! You guys might get along.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Shoot, we might get married! Where's the damn car?

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

It's ok, papa bear. I'm waiting back home in the car port for you.

Callyson September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Hey, I like this chant–think I'll join in:

Rob me Lyin'! Rob me Lyin'!

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Mitt and Paul!
Balls to the wall!

Joshua Norton September 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

It just occurred to me that watching Mitt try to give a political speech is like watching a 5 year old trying to drive a car. It goes nowhere fast.

Dudleydidwrong September 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm

…but can do lot of damage in the process.

Jennyjen798 September 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Hey now, my son was parallel parking his power wheel mustang like a boss at age 4! He'd probably be a more convincing presidential candidate too. Bedwetter/Snot-nose 2016!

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:43 am

And more likeable, to boot.

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Duuude take back my first comment, I've never laughed this hard in my entire life.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:29 pm

OT, but may I tell you that your screenname is brilliant?

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 26, 2012 at 12:15 am

Thank you :)

Blueb4sinrise September 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Did they whiten him before that appearance?

nounverb911 September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

They de-Boehnered Mitt?

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Mexican makeup remover. Adios Univision.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm not sure that it's physically possible to make him any whiter…

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Looks like they need to pull out the glitter.

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Just ask him to dance…

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Oh, God…

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Eat your heart out Elaine!

slowhansolo September 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

ENNUI! ENNUI!

OneYieldRegular September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

He should really work on his presentation skills if he hopes to generate excitement at the upcoming Republican National Convention.

Not_So_Much September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"So, if you stick YOUR head in the butcher's ass….no, that's not right…"

Pap Finn September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

The man is a force of nature, a matchless political virtuoso, the most electrifying personality to burst upon the American…since…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I don't know how his handlers get out of bed every morning.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

He uncouples his wrist servos and applies an electric shock to the soles of their feet.

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I'm not so sure they do. From the looks of things.

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Since Pawlentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I know how: at gunpoint.

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 12:16 am

Because he leaves a trail of bonus money that they hoover up like flies on a shit trail.

ThundercatHo September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

No, asshole, it's O-H-I-O.

mr bojangles September 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

you rang?!?!

owhatever September 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

You want to kill me! You want to kill me!

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

we should make him go bowling with hillary.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

And in more Romney idiocy news, my fellow olds may remember that way back in 1989 a team at the University of Utah claimed to have discovered cold fusion, which was quickly proven to be bullshit. Well apparently Mittens forget that part and actually thinks we've been able to perform cold fusion since 1989 but just haven't done anything with it yet (note that if cold fusion existed, we'd have no energy crisis and no more need for fossil fuel energy plants):
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/24/1135928/

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Hey, I saw that documentary with Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue….(yum!)!

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I'll second that yum on Ms. Shue. I knew a girl who went to college with her. Sadly, I knew this woman after she was out of college. She said Elizabeth was nice and polite…uh, excuse me for a few…

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 9:40 am

Two words for ya: Leaving Las Vegas.&sup1;

&sup1;OK, it's three but I got distracted by thoughts of Shue as a hooker…

glasspusher September 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

Arguably her greatest role. I envy the guy whom she does a little role playing with…

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm

jesus fuck. So, he thinks its all being held back by some liberal commie conspiracy? This, this is the dumbest thing ever of all the dumbness. I love this.

Jerri September 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Are Mormons allowed to use cold fusion?

IceCreamEmpress September 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

With special underpants, everything is possible.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

When you have that many wives, well, one of the fusions is bound to be cold eve'y now and then.

GunToting[Redacted] September 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Cold fusion > hot drinks.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

And why aren't we funding research into perpetual motion instead of fooling around with untested technologies like wind and solar?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Phlogiston!

You perpetual motion morans! All bleeding heart "This has to move" and "that has a rhythm"…

kittensdontlie September 25, 2012 at 10:20 pm

"Oh, the wheels on Mitt's bus go round and round,…all through the towns.
The gas cold fusion on Mitt's bus goes glug glug glug,…all through the towns…."

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 9:40 am

THAT'S IT!

Obviously, he thinks "cold fusion" is more ice in his iced tea!

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Paging Dr. Goldberg. Will Dr. Rube Goldberg please report to the white paging telephone.

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 9:58 pm

My PhD advisor was in the presidential commission to "check that shit out". Every lab they went to check, "stuff wasn't working" the day they were there to see. He sed after the first three places he visited had this condition, he knew it was bullshit.

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm

That's so DUMB. Everyone knows that Doc Oc was the one who solved cold fusion. Backfired a bit, though.

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I think we should take another look at arc reactor technology.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Oh my God, that is astoundingly dumb! It's also strike three (strike one: windows on planes, strike two: fresh air for fires).

"We also have water engine technology that nobody's picking up and running with!"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Meyer%27s_wa

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 10:04 pm

C'mon, Chet. Some guy with glasses and a lab coat checks that out. Mittens handles the deals. He's a "big picture" kind of guy.

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 9:33 pm

This is good news for the poorz, who have plenty of cold in the winter. They can fuse it to heat hobo beans when the sterno runs out.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Wait, Mitt thinks the Mother Jones video is "debunked", but Fleischmann and Pons are not?

Yeesh!

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Who do we want?
ROMNEY
When do we want him?
NEVER!!!!!

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

R. O. M. N. E. Why?

ThankYouJeebus September 25, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Reminds me of Al Franken's joke about the 2000 Florida recount:
What do we want?
PATIENCE!
When do we want it?
NOW!

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Mitt, play to your strength: Go with "Who wants $100? Who wants $100?" as you throw Benjamins to the crowd.

Geminisunmars September 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm

He'd never do that. There is too much risk that a 47percenter might get his/her hands on one.

littlebigdaddy September 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I'd go to a Mittens rally for $100. And I'd stay for the lulz and lmaos.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"Romney, party of one" is taking on new meanings…

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Remember when Bill Clinton got Buddy and he kept repeating that quote, "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog?" Well Mitt's just SOL all over the place.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm

For a moment I thought that said SQL, and then I remembered that's a little advanced for a machine of Mittbot's generation.

ETA: Plus, of course, and how could I miss this, Mittbot does not accept queries.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It's a rare candidate who can suck the life out of his own rally. I'll bet vampires run away when they see Mitt coming.

TavariousChinaSmith September 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Uma – Oprah! Uma – Oprah!

Mumbletypeg September 25, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Thumbs-up just cause I remember how Letterman made me laugh that night~

skmind September 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Why didn't Romney chant U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A instead? Is he not patriotic anymore?

Oh I forgot, look at this, he is from a furregin country: http://bit.ly/QvgcT8

Baconzgood September 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

BAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

kittensdontlie September 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Pool reporters say his airplane window gaffe was a joke. Tim Stanley writes in The Telegraph: "It's worth noting that Romney has a habit of throw away lines that suggest a barbed sense of humour that no one else quite gets."

So what was the joke? Egg getting sucked out of the plane, and thus not having to suffer teary eyes from the smoke?!

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"Remember how my wife, standing here right next to me, was in a scary situation the other day? Wouldn't it be funny if she, and everyone else on that plane, had died? Hahahahaha."

Hmm nope, only a sociopath could find that funny. But then we're talking about Willard Romney here.

DemmeFatale September 25, 2012 at 5:06 pm

A good friend and I are trying to figure out if he's a high-functioning sociopath or someone on the mild end of the Autistic spectrum.
(Maybe a knowledgeable wonketteer has a theory.)

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Well it seems like everybody claims to have mild Asberger's these days, and usually seems to use it as an excuse to act like a douchebag; but no, I think he really is a sociopath, and those billions prove it. Remember, to succeed as a high-level corporate executive sociopathy is pretty much a requirement.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Unless dude starts forgetting the faces of his own relatives, no, he's not an Aspie.

I have a kid that is bona fide one and, trust me — they're different in many, many ways; they're not just mouthy, self-centered assholes.

That's just a side effect.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I score him in the low 20s on the Hare checklist, using my special Bill Frist remote diagnosis powers. 30 is a diagnosis; 25 is enough to categorize you as a psychopath for research purposes.

Pithaughn September 25, 2012 at 6:18 pm

well this months Scientific American has a sciency article that sort of suggests that CEO's are serial murderers just without the murdering part. ie CEO's have no empathy which allows them to sleep at night where as someone with normal empathy would toss and turn and eventually collapse from exhaustion.
Look it up , I shit you not.

UnholyMoses September 26, 2012 at 9:37 am

There's a reason I didn't go to biz school, nor law school.

It's called "having a soul."

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 6:10 pm

"I'm gonna let my hair down and pretend to be an idiot. That'll get the pool on my side!"

kittensdontlie September 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Real estate executive Everitt told TheBlaze. “It was a clearly delivered joke…There were 1,000 people there that will tell you the same thing.”

That's a 1000 people to none, confirming that Mitens is an idiot.

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm

If we need to poll the campaign reporters to decide if you are joking, you are not doing it right.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"SALT LAKE CITY, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"

l_boogie September 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm

"Are you adequately prepared to rock?"

"YEA—"

"Silence!"

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm

This my fruede is so fucking schadening right now.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

If your freud continues to schaden for more than 4 hours, consult your hilaricist.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

This is funnier than you can ever know.

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:38 pm

You got your schaden in my fruede!

Antispandex September 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

What's next? "Put you hands in da air cause I jus don't care!" Jeeze this guy is a tool.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"Hello, this is Penn Avenue Decorating. Yes? Oh, Mrs. Romney. What was that? Well, that is unfortunate. We had just completed the measurements. Okay. It was our pleasure. Call us again if you change you mind."

Nostrildamus September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Goering-Goebbels! Goering-Goebbels! Goering-Goebbels!

C'mon, I can't hear you !!

YouBetcha September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

He is the whitest man ever.

Chichikovovich September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

OK, this is getting to "Spinal Tap Plays Jazz Odyssey billed below puppet show" territory, but with less competence and intelligence.

It brings back a memory (wavy screen)

Several years ago, Notre Dame hired a very arrogant man named Charley Weiss who had never been a college head coach, only a coordinator in the pros, to coach their football team. He had been a Notre Dame undergrad (though not a football player.) (He had been towel-boy or some such thing, I believe, but I may be mistaken about that.) This was his dream job, had been since he was a kid.

He had some early success with players recruited by the despised prior coach, but after three years and seasons getting worse and worse it appeared that he wasn't made to be a college head coach. He was awful. And things were getting worse.

He had such a shrewdly crafted (10 year, or so) contract, which would pay him such an enormous amount of money if he was fired before the contract was up, that ND could hardly afford to fire him. This bought him some time. But things got so bad that apparently a collection of well-heeled alumni passed the hat.

His fifth year was a do-or-die year. It was understood that unless something really good happened, he was cooked. And in fact, bad things happened. Finally, in a game against a not very strong U Conn team, his team lost another game they should (given the talent difference) have won easily, on the last couple of plays. And as he walked across the field for the obligatory handshake to the other coach, you could see it on his face. He knew he was finished. He'd play out the season, but nothing could save him now. The fallen, tired face of a man who had been handed his dream, and let it all slip through his hands.

Even though I thought poorly of the man, I also thought you would have to have a heart of stone not to feel a pang of genuine sadness on his behalf. To empathize with his grief. And I did feel sympathy.

Two days later he said or did something spectacularly douchebaggy (can't remember what it was) and all the sympathy vanished.

I'm not sure why I'm remembering that story just now….

weejee September 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Think you're correctomondo on that Chichikov. Mittens will leave the political stage with all the grace of a frightful dose of Montezuma's revenge.

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Perhaps he could ask Sarah Palin for a concession speech. I believe she has an unused one in a drawer somewhere.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 8:18 pm

a frightful dose of Montezuma's revenge

Seamus Strikes Back

weejee September 25, 2012 at 8:37 pm

You're not just a woofin'!

prommie September 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I love when Notre Dame loses. Every time it happens, an angel gets his wings, did you know?

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I'm so tired of their Holy Irish Catholic Heritage of taking fucking college football so seriously, like the Crusades or something, and their Hamlet-like debates over whether they should lower their vaunted standards. Their radio play-by-play guy got suspended a few weeks ago, because he said on air that they need to have more criminals on their team if they want to be a powerhouse again.
http://www.suntimes.com/sports/colleges/14934734-

But then, I hate all college sports.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I promise to feel as much actual human sympathy towards Mitt if he loses as he would've felt towards me had he won and proceeded to fuck the economy over royally so that he and his friends could pay less in taxes.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Charlie Weiss worked his way into being Belichick's Offensive Coordinator, and believed all he had to do to recruit for Notre Dame was flash his Super Bowl rings and ask a kid, "do you want to play on Sunday?" I've never played football, but I've always thought that I would have about zero respect for a guy who never played the game at any level.

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:58 am

It'll prolly hit you a couple days from now…

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I just flew here from Washington, pause, boy are my arms tired. Pause. Run chortle.exe BEEP

Nostrildamus September 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm

OT: David Brooks has another one of those columns at the NYT today. Here's my response:

To: letters@nytimes.com
Subject: Re: David Brooks' "The Conservative Mind"

Brooks really hits the mark when he says

"Since they no longer speak in the language of social order, Republicans have very little to offer the less educated half of this country."

Hear, hear! It's high time recent Republican intellectual heavyweights like George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Rick Santorum and Herman Cain abandon their dry academic treatises on mercantilism, their translations of Flaubert, their subtle critiques of String Theory, and do more to appeal to the dumbz.

You go, David!

A reader

weejee September 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Palin & Sting Theory. Yikes!!! Grifting in 26 dimensions, or maybe 10 or 11 depending..

GunToting[Redacted] September 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Gordon Sumner libel.

weejee September 25, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Thanks for not calling the spelling Police.

GunToting[Redacted] September 25, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I should have sent you a Message in a Bottle.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Gordon Freeman libel!

Actually, I was just in the old valve building, interviewing for a position at 343 industries.

UW8316154 September 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

Palin & Sting: trantric sex for 28 hours, unless Sarah quits halfway through?

Rotundo_ September 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

"ROM-knee" "ROM-knee" "Ha ha, folks, my ROM isn't in my knee, it's in my cast titanium processor unit/cooling unit/audiovisual input center atop my shoulders!"

DonnyBrooks78 September 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Cut that meat! Cut that meat!

Jerri September 25, 2012 at 5:08 pm

George W. Bush he ain't.

ETA: Maybe the Ol' Cheerleader in Chief can have Willard down to Texas for a good old fashioned weekend Cheer Camp!

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Gerald R. Ford, maybe…

GunToting[Redacted] September 25, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Considering Shrub hasn't been to Crawford since he ceased to need a "man of the people" photo op, he could probably use someone to clear some brush.

ManchuCandidate September 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

GOPers can't even fake it at this point.

It's almost time for the GOPers to send a card to Mittens.
It'll say:
Welcome to Loserville.
Population…. YOU

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I don't think America is ready for a President that is THAT White.

AlaskaGrrl September 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Pep Pills! Pep Pills! Pep Pills! PepPillsPepPillsPepPillsPepPills mumble mumble zzzzzz.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

No, he wasn't trying to lead a chant. HE STOPPED THE CROWD IN THE MIDDLE OF IT TO CORRECT THEM BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING IT WRONG.

At least that's what I got from that 12 seconds of video. But he's still a douche, at least we can all agree on that.

Jerri September 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Guy is taking "micro-managing, anal-retentive prick" to a whole new level.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I'm surprised he hasn't had all of his cheering outsourced to China.

Jerri September 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Ha! :)

There's still time.

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

No, North Korea. They have a lot of experience in choreographed joy.

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I think the crowd was chanting 'Ryan', and he demanded that they chant 'Romney Ryan' .Mitt, the handwriting is on the wall. You should really consider spending more time with your family. Really, you should.

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm

By Jove, I think you're right.

Ewwww.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Yes, more time with Ann would be an appropriate punishment for Mitt inflicting us with more of her on our teevee machines.

Theywontlisten September 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

What a pathetic piece of shit he is. My apologies to pathetic pieces of shit everywhere for including him amongst them

imissopus September 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm

PATHETIC PIECES OF SHIT LIBEL!

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Apology accepted. Go Bammerz!

rmjagg September 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

nobody wants their nose rubbed in mitt

Buckminster September 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

It has a crappy beat and it's not easy to dance to. I give it a 35. :p

Theywontlisten September 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I heard somebody say that sheep count him to fall asleep. The most fucked up candidate in the world including kids who run for class president in kindergarten. Fucking Fucker

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 5:26 pm

this campaign careens between vaudeville level mishap and soul destroying ennui.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 6:25 pm

But the whole "stage-fighting myself" bit is kind of clever.

LibertyLover September 25, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Palin! Palin! Palin! Palin!

What? Oh… my bad…

LibrarianX September 25, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I've seen more exciting mayonnaise.

LibrarianX September 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I'm waiting for the dance mix.

LibertyLover September 25, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.. or don't. I know what greedy pricks you all are. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

NorbertsRevenge September 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I actually watched these painful 15 seconds twice — I'm not sure, but was the crowd chanting Ryan, Ryan, Ryan (whom they might actually like), and then Mitt corrects them that he is the top of the ticket? If so, absolutely fucking brutal and sad. Ze stench of loserdom has become overpowering.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Ha! If the crowds continue to clamor for Ryan as the lead, will eat at his core worse than all kinds of saltwater in his cold mechanical gears!

Man, Ryan's going to need a food taster if the rabble continues this way.

RebelCountess September 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"Mitt's for shit, Ryan's lyin'!" might have worked better.

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I've been to Vandalia. It is dominated by a beautiful golf course. There are only about ten streets. One of them is named S. Dixie Drive.

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 6:03 pm

That 'Romney/Ryan' chant went nowhere. Next time he should try 'Vulture/Voucher'.

ShiftyParadigm September 25, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"We accept you. We accept you. Gobble, gobble. We accept you."

mr bojangles September 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

phuque y all! phuque y all!

Caelan Aegana September 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm

The MittBot must be one of those exciting retro clockwork models run by a gold-plated record. Unfortunate that he doesn't have any small-denomination coins to tape to the turntable's arm.

MistaEko September 25, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Truly the John Cena of politics.

/except without the love from the women and children, amirite?
//goes back to watching TV.

cheetojeebus September 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm

built-in obsolescence is a terrible thing to witness.

Serolf_Divad September 25, 2012 at 6:45 pm

This is how I imagine it sounds when a bunch of white collar executives try to lead the factory workers in a group rendition of the company theme song at 8:30 on a Monday morning.

With every decision you make, ask yourself: how does this help the company?

Mittens Howell, III September 25, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Oh my god you are one silly, sad fuck.

johnnyzhivago September 25, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"Send these people to Bain's new Soylent Green Factory and get me a crowd that can chant!"

johnnyzhivago September 25, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Mitt Romney: Always thought to be too rich to flail.

johnnyzhivago September 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm

The Romney campaign isn't quite like a "train wreck in slow motion". It's more like an expanding sink hole in slow motion.

zippy_w_pinhead September 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

"I say Etch, you say Sketch!"

"Ready, one, two, uh…"

Note to self: don't outsource count off to Rick Perry

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Mitt Romney’s Existential Sadness

La Nausée, je l'ai.

smitallica September 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Reminds me of when Data got his emotion chip.

"Life…forms…precious little life…forms…"

nowave September 25, 2012 at 10:58 pm

"Wait! Wait! It's my turn! I'm running for President, my name *first!"

Oh, this is so pathetic.

VinnyThePooh September 25, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"We'll take your bare necessities. You're simple, bare necessities…"

Negropolis September 25, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Well, bless his heart.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I would feel sorry for almost any other clueless dick except Mittens; he deserves every fucking thing he and his self-involved family get.

merlemorrigan September 26, 2012 at 12:42 am

let's see, Money Boo-Boo STOPPED the crowd from chanting his name to teach them a new chant then blew them off before they could get started? You can't make this stuff up

plinkleton September 26, 2012 at 2:14 am

#Stench #Stench lit a Fart, Blew the whole dang thing apart ! #Orsomething

DahBoner September 26, 2012 at 9:00 am

"Wright Brothers Aviation"

The Mitt-$1$ can't get off the ground with open windows…

Yellerdawg September 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

<Ducking out for my daily dose of the FiveThirtyEight> BRB…

79.7% chance of Obama win! WooHoo!

Now I can go "back" to work.

sullivanst September 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

And that's before factoring today's Quinnipiac/NYT/CBS poll of FL,PA,OH giving Obama big leads and over 50% in all three, plus showing voters in all three states favor Obama on every single policy issue except the deficit, where it's pretty much a wash (thus demonstrating that almost nobody in this country understands the deficit at all).

sullivanst September 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

Oh to be a fly on the wall at Romney HQ today, watching the panic as they try to work out how to spin this. Maybe they'll put in a call to Todd Akin's campaign team, or something.

Yellerdawg September 26, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Are you kidding? That's child's play:

The bible says nothing about polls. Polls are God's way of testing our faith. Science and math are optional, therefore Romney wins!

BZ1 September 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

just p a t h e t i c …

notanncoulter September 26, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Many more than four dead in Ohio, apparently.
[deepest and sincere apologies to the actual victims of the Kent State shootings, along with CSNY]

It's rather telling that we, as compassionate libtards, are actually capable of feeling badly for this pathetic condescending arrogant fuck, as he struggles to connect with anyone that does not make 10+ million $$ a year. Telling indeed.
Oh wait… we are human.
Nevermind.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I especially like how many of them eventually admitted that they are"self-diagnosed" Aspies. Uh, no, that's not how diagnosis works.

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Right. I'd much rather self medicate than self diagnose!

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:53 am

HAh, my diagnosis is Bona Fide!

In any event, the big difference between Aspies and Willard, though, is that the Aspie feels bad when they realize they've offended people.

prommie September 26, 2012 at 1:07 am

You know there is no "might" about it.

redarmyzombie September 26, 2012 at 2:37 am

I believe you're thinking of Nancy Reagan.

UnholyMoses September 26, 2012 at 9:36 am

Exactly.

My son ssssooooooooooooooooo wants to be good. He really does. He just can't help it sometimes because he doesn't automatically pick up on the cues — he does what he wants to, social rules be damned.

Then there was the time he confused my sister in law with my wife. I mean, not being able to recognize his own mom is just … yeah. That's some serious shit right there.

Of course, my kid also has Tourette's (tick and clicks), which adds a whole other layer onto things.

There are days I really, really wish I could drink …

BerkeleyBear September 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

Plenty of people graduate law school with a soul. It is keeping it in practice that proves almost impossible (at least without severe compartmentalization).

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