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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Mitt, fluffers can work for more than just the porn industry. Be a job creator, hire a fluffer before your appearances and you won't have to lead your own cheer again for the next seven weeks.

    1. DerrickWildcat

      BTW, I was at a Green Peace Rally years back and everybody's chants were rubbish so I started saying this really loud and everybody started repeating it. I don't even remember what we were outraged about, but it probably didn't have anything to do with Cats.

    1. Yellerdawg

      I read that story! It was a short story by Stephen King about a guy who survived a ship wreck by eating himself. Lead to some really interesting lunch time conversations at work.

  1. Baconzgood

    I can do better
    *clears throat*


    See your cheering Baconzgood

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Bacon, heard you went up in price, and in related news, the South are the fattest states. Where do you live?

          1. UW8316154

            Going up in price now, are we? Sounds like *someone* is letting a jerb go to his head and is turning all ELEETIST on us now!!1

        1. Gleem McShineys

          Also symbolically, more or less the only plank in the Romney campaign his base is voting for:

          "Not coffee"

      1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        He's a RICH Republican machine…abort is hidden under "maintenance" from the wingnut runtimes.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I could tangle out what could be a clever euphemism in that post but I will quibble with "Mitt should hire".

  2. Trannysurprise

    Pretty presumptive of Mittens to assume Ryan hasn't just stone cold bailed on his ass sometime in between him getting off the bus and oh, 4 seconds later.

  3. ph7

    Things sure have changed since the entire young entrepreneur's club cheered him on as he chopped off the gay kid's hair.

  4. Peckerwood_Pete

    Romney chants are no fun… nothing really rhymes with "Romney"… now… "Mitt" on the other hand… I can think of one word in particular that ryhmes with Mitt……

    1. gurukalehuru

      Mitt's a twit with little wit, a stupid git who makes me spit, he has a zit in his armpit, he slammed the Brits, he's quite unfit, he's easily mocked in comedy skits, he made his poor dog Seamus shit, that's about it, I'm going to quit.

      But I like Hominy Rominy, too.

  5. BigSkullF*ckingDog


    This guy really needs to learn how to play to his base.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        "No worries folks. It's just a bit of ice. Remember this ship's reputation. We will be serving champagne around the Grand Staircase".

      2. BerkeleyBear

        The media will do its best to make you feel that way after the first debate, but this is getting to the point of cement shoes hardening up. The only real issue is who all goes down with him.

  6. FakaktaSouth

    Well, hell the trouble here is obvious, he went polysyllabic-consonance, and words are hard, especially when all the Rs I know still in this thing for him are soley NOBAMAs at this point. They don't really like being reminded of who their candidate actually is.

    I figured they were failing at the classic, "Mitt Mitt full of shit," so, shows what I know.

    1. prommie

      Still, I bet everyone in the audience got a medal and a juicebox for trying, the precious little trigs, oops, I mean angels.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        You're going to get us in trouble again. And one day, I may make you go to one of these things, down in the trenches, so we shouldn't over-generalize that EVERYONE there is conservatarded. Some of them may be really really drunk and taunt-y with a hot ass Camaro in the parking lot waiting to make a hasty getaway if needed.

    1. Jennyjen798

      Hey now, my son was parallel parking his power wheel mustang like a boss at age 4! He'd probably be a more convincing presidential candidate too. Bedwetter/Snot-nose 2016!

  7. OneYieldRegular

    He should really work on his presentation skills if he hopes to generate excitement at the upcoming Republican National Convention.

  8. Pap Finn

    The man is a force of nature, a matchless political virtuoso, the most electrifying personality to burst upon the American…since…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    I don't know how his handlers get out of bed every morning.

  9. SorosBot

    And in more Romney idiocy news, my fellow olds may remember that way back in 1989 a team at the University of Utah claimed to have discovered cold fusion, which was quickly proven to be bullshit. Well apparently Mittens forget that part and actually thinks we've been able to perform cold fusion since 1989 but just haven't done anything with it yet (note that if cold fusion existed, we'd have no energy crisis and no more need for fossil fuel energy plants):

      1. glasspusher

        I'll second that yum on Ms. Shue. I knew a girl who went to college with her. Sadly, I knew this woman after she was out of college. She said Elizabeth was nice and polite…uh, excuse me for a few…

    1. prommie

      jesus fuck. So, he thinks its all being held back by some liberal commie conspiracy? This, this is the dumbest thing ever of all the dumbness. I love this.

        1. kittensdontlie

          "Oh, the wheels on Mitt's bus go round and round,…all through the towns.
          The gas cold fusion on Mitt's bus goes glug glug glug,…all through the towns…."

        1. glasspusher

          My PhD advisor was in the presidential commission to "check that shit out". Every lab they went to check, "stuff wasn't working" the day they were there to see. He sed after the first three places he visited had this condition, he knew it was bullshit.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      That's so DUMB. Everyone knows that Doc Oc was the one who solved cold fusion. Backfired a bit, though.

      1. glasspusher

        C'mon, Chet. Some guy with glasses and a lab coat checks that out. Mittens handles the deals. He's a "big picture" kind of guy.

    3. docterry6973

      This is good news for the poorz, who have plenty of cold in the winter. They can fuse it to heat hobo beans when the sterno runs out.

    1. ThankYouJeebus

      Reminds me of Al Franken's joke about the 2000 Florida recount:
      What do we want?
      When do we want it?

      1. sullivanst

        For a moment I thought that said SQL, and then I remembered that's a little advanced for a machine of Mittbot's generation.

        ETA: Plus, of course, and how could I miss this, Mittbot does not accept queries.

  10. kittensdontlie

    Pool reporters say his airplane window gaffe was a joke. Tim Stanley writes in The Telegraph: "It's worth noting that Romney has a habit of throw away lines that suggest a barbed sense of humour that no one else quite gets."

    So what was the joke? Egg getting sucked out of the plane, and thus not having to suffer teary eyes from the smoke?!

    1. SorosBot

      "Remember how my wife, standing here right next to me, was in a scary situation the other day? Wouldn't it be funny if she, and everyone else on that plane, had died? Hahahahaha."

      Hmm nope, only a sociopath could find that funny. But then we're talking about Willard Romney here.

      1. DemmeFatale

        A good friend and I are trying to figure out if he's a high-functioning sociopath or someone on the mild end of the Autistic spectrum.
        (Maybe a knowledgeable wonketteer has a theory.)

        1. SorosBot

          Well it seems like everybody claims to have mild Asberger's these days, and usually seems to use it as an excuse to act like a douchebag; but no, I think he really is a sociopath, and those billions prove it. Remember, to succeed as a high-level corporate executive sociopathy is pretty much a requirement.

          1. UnholyMoses

            Unless dude starts forgetting the faces of his own relatives, no, he's not an Aspie.

            I have a kid that is bona fide one and, trust me — they're different in many, many ways; they're not just mouthy, self-centered assholes.

            That's just a side effect.

          2. SorosBot

            I especially like how many of them eventually admitted that they are"self-diagnosed" Aspies. Uh, no, that's not how diagnosis works.

          3. redarmyzombie

            HAh, my diagnosis is Bona Fide!

            In any event, the big difference between Aspies and Willard, though, is that the Aspie feels bad when they realize they've offended people.

          4. UnholyMoses


            My son ssssooooooooooooooooo wants to be good. He really does. He just can't help it sometimes because he doesn't automatically pick up on the cues — he does what he wants to, social rules be damned.

            Then there was the time he confused my sister in law with my wife. I mean, not being able to recognize his own mom is just … yeah. That's some serious shit right there.

            Of course, my kid also has Tourette's (tick and clicks), which adds a whole other layer onto things.

            There are days I really, really wish I could drink …

          5. sullivanst

            I score him in the low 20s on the Hare checklist, using my special Bill Frist remote diagnosis powers. 30 is a diagnosis; 25 is enough to categorize you as a psychopath for research purposes.

        2. Pithaughn

          well this months Scientific American has a sciency article that sort of suggests that CEO's are serial murderers just without the murdering part. ie CEO's have no empathy which allows them to sleep at night where as someone with normal empathy would toss and turn and eventually collapse from exhaustion.
          Look it up , I shit you not.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Plenty of people graduate law school with a soul. It is keeping it in practice that proves almost impossible (at least without severe compartmentalization).

        1. kittensdontlie

          Real estate executive Everitt told TheBlaze. “It was a clearly delivered joke…There were 1,000 people there that will tell you the same thing.”

          That's a 1000 people to none, confirming that Mitens is an idiot.

  11. Jus_Wonderin

    "Hello, this is Penn Avenue Decorating. Yes? Oh, Mrs. Romney. What was that? Well, that is unfortunate. We had just completed the measurements. Okay. It was our pleasure. Call us again if you change you mind."

  12. Chichikovovich

    OK, this is getting to "Spinal Tap Plays Jazz Odyssey billed below puppet show" territory, but with less competence and intelligence.

    It brings back a memory (wavy screen)

    Several years ago, Notre Dame hired a very arrogant man named Charley Weiss who had never been a college head coach, only a coordinator in the pros, to coach their football team. He had been a Notre Dame undergrad (though not a football player.) (He had been towel-boy or some such thing, I believe, but I may be mistaken about that.) This was his dream job, had been since he was a kid.

    He had some early success with players recruited by the despised prior coach, but after three years and seasons getting worse and worse it appeared that he wasn't made to be a college head coach. He was awful. And things were getting worse.

    He had such a shrewdly crafted (10 year, or so) contract, which would pay him such an enormous amount of money if he was fired before the contract was up, that ND could hardly afford to fire him. This bought him some time. But things got so bad that apparently a collection of well-heeled alumni passed the hat.

    His fifth year was a do-or-die year. It was understood that unless something really good happened, he was cooked. And in fact, bad things happened. Finally, in a game against a not very strong U Conn team, his team lost another game they should (given the talent difference) have won easily, on the last couple of plays. And as he walked across the field for the obligatory handshake to the other coach, you could see it on his face. He knew he was finished. He'd play out the season, but nothing could save him now. The fallen, tired face of a man who had been handed his dream, and let it all slip through his hands.

    Even though I thought poorly of the man, I also thought you would have to have a heart of stone not to feel a pang of genuine sadness on his behalf. To empathize with his grief. And I did feel sympathy.

    Two days later he said or did something spectacularly douchebaggy (can't remember what it was) and all the sympathy vanished.

    I'm not sure why I'm remembering that story just now….

    1. weejee

      Think you're correctomondo on that Chichikov. Mittens will leave the political stage with all the grace of a frightful dose of Montezuma's revenge.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        I'm so tired of their Holy Irish Catholic Heritage of taking fucking college football so seriously, like the Crusades or something, and their Hamlet-like debates over whether they should lower their vaunted standards. Their radio play-by-play guy got suspended a few weeks ago, because he said on air that they need to have more criminals on their team if they want to be a powerhouse again.

        But then, I hate all college sports.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      I promise to feel as much actual human sympathy towards Mitt if he loses as he would've felt towards me had he won and proceeded to fuck the economy over royally so that he and his friends could pay less in taxes.

    3. Chet Kincaid_

      Charlie Weiss worked his way into being Belichick's Offensive Coordinator, and believed all he had to do to recruit for Notre Dame was flash his Super Bowl rings and ask a kid, "do you want to play on Sunday?" I've never played football, but I've always thought that I would have about zero respect for a guy who never played the game at any level.

  13. Nostrildamus

    OT: David Brooks has another one of those columns at the NYT today. Here's my response:

    To: letters@nytimes.com
    Subject: Re: David Brooks' "The Conservative Mind"

    Brooks really hits the mark when he says

    "Since they no longer speak in the language of social order, Republicans have very little to offer the less educated half of this country."

    Hear, hear! It's high time recent Republican intellectual heavyweights like George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Rick Santorum and Herman Cain abandon their dry academic treatises on mercantilism, their translations of Flaubert, their subtle critiques of String Theory, and do more to appeal to the dumbz.

    You go, David!

    A reader

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          Gordon Freeman libel!

          Actually, I was just in the old valve building, interviewing for a position at 343 industries.

  14. Rotundo_

    "ROM-knee" "ROM-knee" "Ha ha, folks, my ROM isn't in my knee, it's in my cast titanium processor unit/cooling unit/audiovisual input center atop my shoulders!"

  15. Jerri

    George W. Bush he ain't.

    ETA: Maybe the Ol' Cheerleader in Chief can have Willard down to Texas for a good old fashioned weekend Cheer Camp!

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Considering Shrub hasn't been to Crawford since he ceased to need a "man of the people" photo op, he could probably use someone to clear some brush.

  16. BigSkullF*ckingDog


    At least that's what I got from that 12 seconds of video. But he's still a douche, at least we can all agree on that.

    1. docterry6973

      I think the crowd was chanting 'Ryan', and he demanded that they chant 'Romney Ryan' .Mitt, the handwriting is on the wall. You should really consider spending more time with your family. Really, you should.

      1. sullivanst

        Yes, more time with Ann would be an appropriate punishment for Mitt inflicting us with more of her on our teevee machines.

  17. Theywontlisten

    What a pathetic piece of shit he is. My apologies to pathetic pieces of shit everywhere for including him amongst them

  18. Theywontlisten

    I heard somebody say that sheep count him to fall asleep. The most fucked up candidate in the world including kids who run for class president in kindergarten. Fucking Fucker

  19. LibertyLover

    I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.. or don't. I know what greedy pricks you all are. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

  20. NorbertsRevenge

    I actually watched these painful 15 seconds twice — I'm not sure, but was the crowd chanting Ryan, Ryan, Ryan (whom they might actually like), and then Mitt corrects them that he is the top of the ticket? If so, absolutely fucking brutal and sad. Ze stench of loserdom has become overpowering.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      Ha! If the crowds continue to clamor for Ryan as the lead, will eat at his core worse than all kinds of saltwater in his cold mechanical gears!

      Man, Ryan's going to need a food taster if the rabble continues this way.

  21. Caelan Aegana

    The MittBot must be one of those exciting retro clockwork models run by a gold-plated record. Unfortunate that he doesn't have any small-denomination coins to tape to the turntable's arm.

  22. MistaEko

    Truly the John Cena of politics.

    /except without the love from the women and children, amirite?
    //goes back to watching TV.

  23. Serolf_Divad

    This is how I imagine it sounds when a bunch of white collar executives try to lead the factory workers in a group rendition of the company theme song at 8:30 on a Monday morning.

    With every decision you make, ask yourself: how does this help the company?

  24. zippy_w_pinhead

    "I say Etch, you say Sketch!"

    "Ready, one, two, uh…"

    Note to self: don't outsource count off to Rick Perry

  25. ttommyunger

    I would feel sorry for almost any other clueless dick except Mittens; he deserves every fucking thing he and his self-involved family get.

  26. merlemorrigan

    let's see, Money Boo-Boo STOPPED the crowd from chanting his name to teach them a new chant then blew them off before they could get started? You can't make this stuff up

  27. Yellerdawg

    <Ducking out for my daily dose of the FiveThirtyEight> BRB…

    79.7% chance of Obama win! WooHoo!

    Now I can go "back" to work.

    1. sullivanst

      And that's before factoring today's Quinnipiac/NYT/CBS poll of FL,PA,OH giving Obama big leads and over 50% in all three, plus showing voters in all three states favor Obama on every single policy issue except the deficit, where it's pretty much a wash (thus demonstrating that almost nobody in this country understands the deficit at all).

  28. sullivanst

    Oh to be a fly on the wall at Romney HQ today, watching the panic as they try to work out how to spin this. Maybe they'll put in a call to Todd Akin's campaign team, or something.

    1. Yellerdawg

      Are you kidding? That's child's play:

      The bible says nothing about polls. Polls are God's way of testing our faith. Science and math are optional, therefore Romney wins!

  29. notanncoulter

    Many more than four dead in Ohio, apparently.
    [deepest and sincere apologies to the actual victims of the Kent State shootings, along with CSNY]

    It's rather telling that we, as compassionate libtards, are actually capable of feeling badly for this pathetic condescending arrogant fuck, as he struggles to connect with anyone that does not make 10+ million $$ a year. Telling indeed.
    Oh wait… we are human.

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