About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    You say potato, I say potahtoh.
    Let's call the whole thing off.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Mitt, fluffers can work for more than just the porn industry. Be a job creator, hire a fluffer before your appearances and you won't have to lead your own cheer again for the next seven weeks.

  • l_boogie

    Somebody got a prototype rhythm chip installed!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    "What kind of kook, would make cats puke?!"

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      BTW, I was at a Green Peace Rally years back and everybody's chants were rubbish so I started saying this really loud and everybody started repeating it. I don't even remember what we were outraged about, but it probably didn't have anything to do with Cats.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      "What kind of Cucumber would make cats Puke November?"

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    White Men Can't Chant.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    They were chanting "Willard, Willard"?

    • BadKitty904

      I think it was "Imhotep! Imhotep!"…

      • IonaTrailer

        "Klaatu barada nikto"

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    They weren't booing, they were saying BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOROMNEY

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    The sole survivor of the plane crash, he eventually ate himself.

    • Negropolis

      That is a very talented man. Few people can do that.

    • Yellerdawg

      I read that story! It was a short story by Stephen King about a guy who survived a ship wreck by eating himself. Lead to some really interesting lunch time conversations at work.

  • Baconzgood

    I can do better
    *clears throat*

    BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON!

    See your cheering Baconzgood

    • WhatTheHeck

      Actually, I was cheering for your brother, Chris P.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Bacon, heard you went up in price, and in related news, the South are the fattest states. Where do you live?

        • Baconzgood

          The North. PA.

          • UW8316154

            Going up in price now, are we? Sounds like *someone* is letting a jerb go to his head and is turning all ELEETIST on us now!!1

  • SmutBoffin

    The energy is palpable in Vandalia Ohio.

    • Nostrildamus

      The work you're looking for is "entropy".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's a dark energy…

  • Come here a minute

    Not ready reading drive A
    Abort, Retry, Fail?

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      EPIC Abort, Retry, FAIL

    • ph7

      CTRL-ALT-DEL..fuck it… FORMAT C:

    • Gleem McShineys

      418 I'm a teapot (RFC 2324)

      • jqheywood

        My very FAVORITE RFC….

        • Gleem McShineys

          Also symbolically, more or less the only plank in the Romney campaign his base is voting for:

          "Not coffee"

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Not rfc 1149?

        • sullivanst

          That's a good one, but I remain more partial to RFC 1149 myself.

    • PubOption

      No, he's a republican machine. Abort is not an option.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        He's a RICH Republican machine…abort is hidden under "maintenance" from the wingnut runtimes.

        • Negropolis

          WIN

    • UnholyMoses

      fdisk

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        FSCK!

        • Come here a minute

          Romney's more of a chkdsk.

  • HRH_Maddie

    His sadness is my happiness.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • Nostrildamus

      "What I did on my summer vacation"
      (NSFW)

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Sheeple Libel!

      (usamurka#1!!!).

  • Sue4466

    If he wanted aliteration, shoulda gone with "lame and loser." I'd chant to that.

    • Geminisunmars

      And when that got tiresome, we could switch to "lame and lamier."

    • Negropolis

      Sue, I approve this message.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    I guess they forgot to reboot him before they had him take the stage.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.

    – Voltaire

    • prommie

      Your Emperorness has come up with the perfect quote. I applaud respectfully.

    • Negropolis

      "Dear lord…stay out of our way…"

      – Stewie Griffin

  • tihond

    R-M-O-N-E-Y R-M-O-N-E-Y

  • MissTaken

    Maybe Mitt should hire some of those cheerleaders Biden likes to watch on the hardwood without a net.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I could tangle out what could be a clever euphemism in that post but I will quibble with "Mitt should hire".

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Wealthy Old Goats trying to achieve hardwood w/o Big Pharma is one thing, but who is Annette?

  • Trannysurprise

    Pretty presumptive of Mittens to assume Ryan hasn't just stone cold bailed on his ass sometime in between him getting off the bus and oh, 4 seconds later.

    • l_boogie

      Palin went rogue, Ryan goes Galt.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        And the TeeTards want him to go Glock.

  • BloviateMe

    The scene from 8 Mile left on the editing room floor.

  • savethispatient
    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      Sad Trombone / Rusty Trombone 2012.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more "Blue Screen of Death" (with votes).

  • SorosBot

    Even his hair is all unkempt. Mittens is just falling apart these days.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Seriously, what the hell is going on with his hair these days? I'm concerned.

      • glasspusher

        Needz moar gel

      • redarmyzombie

        Must be a problem with his circuitry.

      • UW8316154

        And the orange face, too -what's going on??

        / worry /

  • Estproph

    RAW!
    MONEY!
    RAW!
    MONEY!

  • ph7

    Things sure have changed since the entire young entrepreneur's club cheered him on as he chopped off the gay kid's hair.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'm sorry to say, Mitt, but life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

    • emmelemm

      Hold on to 16 as long as you can…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That's Biden's purview.

        • emmelemm

          Inches or years?

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Thought Dr. Jill said a yardstick.

          • glasspusher

            Mouthful

          • redarmyzombie

            I believe you're thinking of Nancy Reagan.

      • Generation[redacted]

        2016 is his next chance, after all…

    • Terry

      A little ditty about Mitt and Ann

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Romney chants are no fun… nothing really rhymes with "Romney"… now… "Mitt" on the other hand… I can think of one word in particular that ryhmes with Mitt……

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Momny!

      • Peckerwood_Pete

        I suppose "Shillard" would work too…

    • Callyson

      There is also "twit," but your word is more accurate and fun.

    • SorosBot

      Hit? Bit?

      • bflrtsplk

        Zit!

      • redarmyzombie

        Ooh, ooh, I know! Is it Cli<CENSORED>?

    • MissTaken

      Tit? Nah, that's a naughty word. You must be thinking of Wit.

      • emmelemm

        Nitwit?

        • redarmyzombie

          Schmidt?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That could be the first time anyone has ever used Mitt and wit in the same thought without "half" coming in between.

      • SorosBot

        But wit is something Romney lacks; however he is a tit.

    • Schmannnity

      Hominy

      • MissTaken

        Grit?

        • Schmannnity

          Puffy and white? Yes.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Grit Hominy!

    • BadKitty904

      Quit?

      • Geminisunmars

        I vote for this one.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      half-wit, armpit, culprit, nitwit, unfit, zit.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Hit(ler)?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Pit? Obit? Spit? Dimwit? My choice is "Unfit."

    • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Miffed Ennui?

    • rocktonsam

      Nit Wit

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Idjit.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Mitt's a twit with little wit, a stupid git who makes me spit, he has a zit in his armpit, he slammed the Brits, he's quite unfit, he's easily mocked in comedy skits, he made his poor dog Seamus shit, that's about it, I'm going to quit.

      But I like Hominy Rominy, too.

      • Yellerdawg

        You are a cross between Dr.'s Seuss and Demento, and I say that with true respect and admiration!

  • mavenmaven

    That's what it sounds like when you pay for your "crowd" at less than minimum wage.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Mitt the bit!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "NOT THE BLACK GUY! NOT THE BLACK GUY! NOT THE BLACK GUY!"

    This guy really needs to learn how to play to his base.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      All his base are belong to Jesus.

      • Negropolis

        Jesus take the wheel; take it from my hand…

        • KeepFnThatChicken

          I hate that fucking song. It exemplifies quitters.

          • UW8316154

            Why'd you have to bring $arah into this??

          • Negropolis

            ….cause I can't do this one my own; I'm letting go…

  • ChrisM2011

    Biden is having panties thrown at him, Mitt. Let's try to keep up.

  • Radiotherapy

    Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop……

  • YouBetcha

    You didn't build that.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    NEEDZ MOAR BILL

  • lizcharm

    Okay, I officially feel REALLY bad for him. I can't look straight at him, anymore.

    • Boojum

      Me, too. I cringed. Then I laughed at the comments, so I'm a bad person.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I'm worried that he's "un-peaking" too early, and that he will stage a come-back.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "No worries folks. It's just a bit of ice. Remember this ship's reputation. We will be serving champagne around the Grand Staircase".

      • sullivanst

        "It's just a flesh wound"

      • lulzmonger

        "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dis-"

      • BerkeleyBear

        The media will do its best to make you feel that way after the first debate, but this is getting to the point of cement shoes hardening up. The only real issue is who all goes down with him.

        • redarmyzombie

          With any luck: All of them, Katie.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      I'll feel bad for him when Nokia repossesses him.

    • BadKitty904

      I would, too, but then I remember he's an arrogant, vicious, amoral swine…

    • ph7

      Mitt dries his tears with one million dollar bills.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Not me. Fuck him and his bicycle helmet.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well, hell the trouble here is obvious, he went polysyllabic-consonance, and words are hard, especially when all the Rs I know still in this thing for him are soley NOBAMAs at this point. They don't really like being reminded of who their candidate actually is.

    I figured they were failing at the classic, "Mitt Mitt full of shit," so, shows what I know.

    • prommie

      Still, I bet everyone in the audience got a medal and a juicebox for trying, the precious little trigs, oops, I mean angels.

      • FakaktaSouth

        You're going to get us in trouble again. And one day, I may make you go to one of these things, down in the trenches, so we shouldn't over-generalize that EVERYONE there is conservatarded. Some of them may be really really drunk and taunt-y with a hot ass Camaro in the parking lot waiting to make a hasty getaway if needed.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          That would be great if you ever met! You guys might get along.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Shoot, we might get married! Where's the damn car?

          • prommie

            You know there is no "might" about it.

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    It's ok, papa bear. I'm waiting back home in the car port for you.

  • Callyson

    Hey, I like this chant–think I'll join in:

    Rob me Lyin'! Rob me Lyin'!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Mitt and Paul!
      Balls to the wall!

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    It just occurred to me that watching Mitt try to give a political speech is like watching a 5 year old trying to drive a car. It goes nowhere fast.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      …but can do lot of damage in the process.

    • Jennyjen798

      Hey now, my son was parallel parking his power wheel mustang like a boss at age 4! He'd probably be a more convincing presidential candidate too. Bedwetter/Snot-nose 2016!

      • redarmyzombie

        And more likeable, to boot.

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    Duuude take back my first comment, I've never laughed this hard in my entire life.

    • Negropolis

      OT, but may I tell you that your screenname is brilliant?

      • RaflcaFlkaFlame

        Thank you :)

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Did they whiten him before that appearance?

    • nounverb911

      They de-Boehnered Mitt?

    • Schmannnity

      Mexican makeup remover. Adios Univision.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm not sure that it's physically possible to make him any whiter…

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Looks like they need to pull out the glitter.

      • Geminisunmars

        Just ask him to dance…

        • BadKitty904

          Oh, God…

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Eat your heart out Elaine!

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    ENNUI! ENNUI!

  • OneYieldRegular

    He should really work on his presentation skills if he hopes to generate excitement at the upcoming Republican National Convention.

  • Not_So_Much

    "So, if you stick YOUR head in the butcher's ass….no, that's not right…"

  • http://tactilepeggy.wordpress.com/ Pap Finn

    The man is a force of nature, a matchless political virtuoso, the most electrifying personality to burst upon the American…since…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    I don't know how his handlers get out of bed every morning.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He uncouples his wrist servos and applies an electric shock to the soles of their feet.

    • Geminisunmars

      I'm not so sure they do. From the looks of things.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Since Pawlentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

    • Negropolis

      I know how: at gunpoint.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Because he leaves a trail of bonus money that they hoover up like flies on a shit trail.

  • ThundercatHo

    No, asshole, it's O-H-I-O.

  • mr bojangles

    you rang?!?!

  • owhatever

    You want to kill me! You want to kill me!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    we should make him go bowling with hillary.

  • SorosBot

    And in more Romney idiocy news, my fellow olds may remember that way back in 1989 a team at the University of Utah claimed to have discovered cold fusion, which was quickly proven to be bullshit. Well apparently Mittens forget that part and actually thinks we've been able to perform cold fusion since 1989 but just haven't done anything with it yet (note that if cold fusion existed, we'd have no energy crisis and no more need for fossil fuel energy plants):
    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/24/1135928/

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hey, I saw that documentary with Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue….(yum!)!

      • glasspusher

        I'll second that yum on Ms. Shue. I knew a girl who went to college with her. Sadly, I knew this woman after she was out of college. She said Elizabeth was nice and polite…uh, excuse me for a few…

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Two words for ya: Leaving Las Vegas.&sup1;

          &sup1;OK, it's three but I got distracted by thoughts of Shue as a hooker…

          • glasspusher

            Arguably her greatest role. I envy the guy whom she does a little role playing with…

    • prommie

      jesus fuck. So, he thinks its all being held back by some liberal commie conspiracy? This, this is the dumbest thing ever of all the dumbness. I love this.

    • Jerri

      Are Mormons allowed to use cold fusion?

      • IceCreamEmpress

        With special underpants, everything is possible.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        When you have that many wives, well, one of the fusions is bound to be cold eve'y now and then.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Cold fusion > hot drinks.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      And why aren't we funding research into perpetual motion instead of fooling around with untested technologies like wind and solar?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Phlogiston!

        You perpetual motion morans! All bleeding heart "This has to move" and "that has a rhythm"…

        • kittensdontlie

          "Oh, the wheels on Mitt's bus go round and round,…all through the towns.
          The gas cold fusion on Mitt's bus goes glug glug glug,…all through the towns…."

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            THAT'S IT!

            Obviously, he thinks "cold fusion" is more ice in his iced tea!

      • Geminisunmars

        Paging Dr. Goldberg. Will Dr. Rube Goldberg please report to the white paging telephone.

        • glasspusher

          My PhD advisor was in the presidential commission to "check that shit out". Every lab they went to check, "stuff wasn't working" the day they were there to see. He sed after the first three places he visited had this condition, he knew it was bullshit.

    • anniegetyerfun

      That's so DUMB. Everyone knows that Doc Oc was the one who solved cold fusion. Backfired a bit, though.

      • glasspusher

        I think we should take another look at arc reactor technology.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Oh my God, that is astoundingly dumb! It's also strike three (strike one: windows on planes, strike two: fresh air for fires).

      "We also have water engine technology that nobody's picking up and running with!"
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Meyer%27s_wa

      • glasspusher

        C'mon, Chet. Some guy with glasses and a lab coat checks that out. Mittens handles the deals. He's a "big picture" kind of guy.

    • docterry6973

      This is good news for the poorz, who have plenty of cold in the winter. They can fuse it to heat hobo beans when the sterno runs out.

    • sullivanst

      Wait, Mitt thinks the Mother Jones video is "debunked", but Fleischmann and Pons are not?

      Yeesh!

  • Schmannnity

    Who do we want?
    ROMNEY
    When do we want him?
    NEVER!!!!!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      R. O. M. N. E. Why?

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Reminds me of Al Franken's joke about the 2000 Florida recount:
      What do we want?
      PATIENCE!
      When do we want it?
      NOW!

  • ph7

    Mitt, play to your strength: Go with "Who wants $100? Who wants $100?" as you throw Benjamins to the crowd.

    • Geminisunmars

      He'd never do that. There is too much risk that a 47percenter might get his/her hands on one.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'd go to a Mittens rally for $100. And I'd stay for the lulz and lmaos.

  • BadKitty904

    "Romney, party of one" is taking on new meanings…

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Remember when Bill Clinton got Buddy and he kept repeating that quote, "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog?" Well Mitt's just SOL all over the place.

      • sullivanst

        For a moment I thought that said SQL, and then I remembered that's a little advanced for a machine of Mittbot's generation.

        ETA: Plus, of course, and how could I miss this, Mittbot does not accept queries.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    It's a rare candidate who can suck the life out of his own rally. I'll bet vampires run away when they see Mitt coming.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Uma – Oprah! Uma – Oprah!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Thumbs-up just cause I remember how Letterman made me laugh that night~

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Why didn't Romney chant U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A instead? Is he not patriotic anymore?

    Oh I forgot, look at this, he is from a furregin country: http://bit.ly/QvgcT8

  • Baconzgood

    BAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • kittensdontlie

    Pool reporters say his airplane window gaffe was a joke. Tim Stanley writes in The Telegraph: "It's worth noting that Romney has a habit of throw away lines that suggest a barbed sense of humour that no one else quite gets."

    So what was the joke? Egg getting sucked out of the plane, and thus not having to suffer teary eyes from the smoke?!

    • SorosBot

      "Remember how my wife, standing here right next to me, was in a scary situation the other day? Wouldn't it be funny if she, and everyone else on that plane, had died? Hahahahaha."

      Hmm nope, only a sociopath could find that funny. But then we're talking about Willard Romney here.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        A good friend and I are trying to figure out if he's a high-functioning sociopath or someone on the mild end of the Autistic spectrum.
        (Maybe a knowledgeable wonketteer has a theory.)

        • SorosBot

          Well it seems like everybody claims to have mild Asberger's these days, and usually seems to use it as an excuse to act like a douchebag; but no, I think he really is a sociopath, and those billions prove it. Remember, to succeed as a high-level corporate executive sociopathy is pretty much a requirement.

          • UnholyMoses

            Unless dude starts forgetting the faces of his own relatives, no, he's not an Aspie.

            I have a kid that is bona fide one and, trust me — they're different in many, many ways; they're not just mouthy, self-centered assholes.

            That's just a side effect.

          • SorosBot

            I especially like how many of them eventually admitted that they are"self-diagnosed" Aspies. Uh, no, that's not how diagnosis works.

          • glasspusher

            Right. I'd much rather self medicate than self diagnose!

          • redarmyzombie

            HAh, my diagnosis is Bona Fide!

            In any event, the big difference between Aspies and Willard, though, is that the Aspie feels bad when they realize they've offended people.

          • UnholyMoses

            Exactly.

            My son ssssooooooooooooooooo wants to be good. He really does. He just can't help it sometimes because he doesn't automatically pick up on the cues — he does what he wants to, social rules be damned.

            Then there was the time he confused my sister in law with my wife. I mean, not being able to recognize his own mom is just … yeah. That's some serious shit right there.

            Of course, my kid also has Tourette's (tick and clicks), which adds a whole other layer onto things.

            There are days I really, really wish I could drink …

          • sullivanst

            I score him in the low 20s on the Hare checklist, using my special Bill Frist remote diagnosis powers. 30 is a diagnosis; 25 is enough to categorize you as a psychopath for research purposes.

        • Pithaughn

          well this months Scientific American has a sciency article that sort of suggests that CEO's are serial murderers just without the murdering part. ie CEO's have no empathy which allows them to sleep at night where as someone with normal empathy would toss and turn and eventually collapse from exhaustion.
          Look it up , I shit you not.

          • UnholyMoses

            There's a reason I didn't go to biz school, nor law school.

            It's called "having a soul."

          • BerkeleyBear

            Plenty of people graduate law school with a soul. It is keeping it in practice that proves almost impossible (at least without severe compartmentalization).

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "I'm gonna let my hair down and pretend to be an idiot. That'll get the pool on my side!"

        • kittensdontlie

          Real estate executive Everitt told TheBlaze. “It was a clearly delivered joke…There were 1,000 people there that will tell you the same thing.”

          That's a 1000 people to none, confirming that Mitens is an idiot.

    • docterry6973

      If we need to poll the campaign reporters to decide if you are joking, you are not doing it right.

  • Gleem McShineys

    "SALT LAKE CITY, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"

    • l_boogie

      "Are you adequately prepared to rock?"

      "YEA—"

      "Silence!"

  • prommie

    This my fruede is so fucking schadening right now.

    • Gleem McShineys

      If your freud continues to schaden for more than 4 hours, consult your hilaricist.

      • prommie

        This is funnier than you can ever know.

    • Negropolis

      You got your schaden in my fruede!

  • Antispandex

    What's next? "Put you hands in da air cause I jus don't care!" Jeeze this guy is a tool.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "Hello, this is Penn Avenue Decorating. Yes? Oh, Mrs. Romney. What was that? Well, that is unfortunate. We had just completed the measurements. Okay. It was our pleasure. Call us again if you change you mind."

  • Nostrildamus

    Goering-Goebbels! Goering-Goebbels! Goering-Goebbels!

    C'mon, I can't hear you !!

  • YouBetcha

    He is the whitest man ever.

  • Chichikovovich

    OK, this is getting to "Spinal Tap Plays Jazz Odyssey billed below puppet show" territory, but with less competence and intelligence.

    It brings back a memory (wavy screen)

    Several years ago, Notre Dame hired a very arrogant man named Charley Weiss who had never been a college head coach, only a coordinator in the pros, to coach their football team. He had been a Notre Dame undergrad (though not a football player.) (He had been towel-boy or some such thing, I believe, but I may be mistaken about that.) This was his dream job, had been since he was a kid.

    He had some early success with players recruited by the despised prior coach, but after three years and seasons getting worse and worse it appeared that he wasn't made to be a college head coach. He was awful. And things were getting worse.

    He had such a shrewdly crafted (10 year, or so) contract, which would pay him such an enormous amount of money if he was fired before the contract was up, that ND could hardly afford to fire him. This bought him some time. But things got so bad that apparently a collection of well-heeled alumni passed the hat.

    His fifth year was a do-or-die year. It was understood that unless something really good happened, he was cooked. And in fact, bad things happened. Finally, in a game against a not very strong U Conn team, his team lost another game they should (given the talent difference) have won easily, on the last couple of plays. And as he walked across the field for the obligatory handshake to the other coach, you could see it on his face. He knew he was finished. He'd play out the season, but nothing could save him now. The fallen, tired face of a man who had been handed his dream, and let it all slip through his hands.

    Even though I thought poorly of the man, I also thought you would have to have a heart of stone not to feel a pang of genuine sadness on his behalf. To empathize with his grief. And I did feel sympathy.

    Two days later he said or did something spectacularly douchebaggy (can't remember what it was) and all the sympathy vanished.

    I'm not sure why I'm remembering that story just now….

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Think you're correctomondo on that Chichikov. Mittens will leave the political stage with all the grace of a frightful dose of Montezuma's revenge.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Perhaps he could ask Sarah Palin for a concession speech. I believe she has an unused one in a drawer somewhere.

      • Gleem McShineys

        a frightful dose of Montezuma's revenge

        Seamus Strikes Back

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          You're not just a woofin'!

    • prommie

      I love when Notre Dame loses. Every time it happens, an angel gets his wings, did you know?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I'm so tired of their Holy Irish Catholic Heritage of taking fucking college football so seriously, like the Crusades or something, and their Hamlet-like debates over whether they should lower their vaunted standards. Their radio play-by-play guy got suspended a few weeks ago, because he said on air that they need to have more criminals on their team if they want to be a powerhouse again.
        http://www.suntimes.com/sports/colleges/14934734-

        But then, I hate all college sports.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      I promise to feel as much actual human sympathy towards Mitt if he loses as he would've felt towards me had he won and proceeded to fuck the economy over royally so that he and his friends could pay less in taxes.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Charlie Weiss worked his way into being Belichick's Offensive Coordinator, and believed all he had to do to recruit for Notre Dame was flash his Super Bowl rings and ask a kid, "do you want to play on Sunday?" I've never played football, but I've always thought that I would have about zero respect for a guy who never played the game at any level.

    • redarmyzombie

      It'll prolly hit you a couple days from now…

  • Gleem McShineys

    I just flew here from Washington, pause, boy are my arms tired. Pause. Run chortle.exe BEEP

  • Nostrildamus

    OT: David Brooks has another one of those columns at the NYT today. Here's my response:

    To: letters@nytimes.com
    Subject: Re: David Brooks' "The Conservative Mind"

    Brooks really hits the mark when he says

    "Since they no longer speak in the language of social order, Republicans have very little to offer the less educated half of this country."

    Hear, hear! It's high time recent Republican intellectual heavyweights like George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Rick Santorum and Herman Cain abandon their dry academic treatises on mercantilism, their translations of Flaubert, their subtle critiques of String Theory, and do more to appeal to the dumbz.

    You go, David!

    A reader

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Palin & Sting Theory. Yikes!!! Grifting in 26 dimensions, or maybe 10 or 11 depending..

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Gordon Sumner libel.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Thanks for not calling the spelling Police.

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            I should have sent you a Message in a Bottle.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Gordon Freeman libel!

          Actually, I was just in the old valve building, interviewing for a position at 343 industries.

      • UW8316154

        Palin & Sting: trantric sex for 28 hours, unless Sarah quits halfway through?

  • Rotundo_

    "ROM-knee" "ROM-knee" "Ha ha, folks, my ROM isn't in my knee, it's in my cast titanium processor unit/cooling unit/audiovisual input center atop my shoulders!"

  • DonnyBrooks78

    Cut that meat! Cut that meat!

  • Jerri

    George W. Bush he ain't.

    ETA: Maybe the Ol' Cheerleader in Chief can have Willard down to Texas for a good old fashioned weekend Cheer Camp!

    • BadKitty904

      Gerald R. Ford, maybe…

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Considering Shrub hasn't been to Crawford since he ceased to need a "man of the people" photo op, he could probably use someone to clear some brush.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    GOPers can't even fake it at this point.

    It's almost time for the GOPers to send a card to Mittens.
    It'll say:
    Welcome to Loserville.
    Population…. YOU

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I don't think America is ready for a President that is THAT White.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Pep Pills! Pep Pills! Pep Pills! PepPillsPepPillsPepPillsPepPills mumble mumble zzzzzz.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    No, he wasn't trying to lead a chant. HE STOPPED THE CROWD IN THE MIDDLE OF IT TO CORRECT THEM BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING IT WRONG.

    At least that's what I got from that 12 seconds of video. But he's still a douche, at least we can all agree on that.

    • Jerri

      Guy is taking "micro-managing, anal-retentive prick" to a whole new level.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I'm surprised he hasn't had all of his cheering outsourced to China.

        • Jerri

          Ha! :)

          There's still time.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          No, North Korea. They have a lot of experience in choreographed joy.

    • docterry6973

      I think the crowd was chanting 'Ryan', and he demanded that they chant 'Romney Ryan' .Mitt, the handwriting is on the wall. You should really consider spending more time with your family. Really, you should.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        By Jove, I think you're right.

        Ewwww.

      • sullivanst

        Yes, more time with Ann would be an appropriate punishment for Mitt inflicting us with more of her on our teevee machines.

  • Theywontlisten

    What a pathetic piece of shit he is. My apologies to pathetic pieces of shit everywhere for including him amongst them

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      PATHETIC PIECES OF SHIT LIBEL!

    • docterry6973

      Apology accepted. Go Bammerz!

  • rmjagg

    nobody wants their nose rubbed in mitt

  • Buckminster

    It has a crappy beat and it's not easy to dance to. I give it a 35. :p

  • Theywontlisten

    I heard somebody say that sheep count him to fall asleep. The most fucked up candidate in the world including kids who run for class president in kindergarten. Fucking Fucker

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this campaign careens between vaudeville level mishap and soul destroying ennui.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      But the whole "stage-fighting myself" bit is kind of clever.

  • LibertyLover

    Palin! Palin! Palin! Palin!

    What? Oh… my bad…

  • LibrarianX

    I've seen more exciting mayonnaise.

  • LibrarianX

    I'm waiting for the dance mix.

  • LibertyLover

    I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.. or don't. I know what greedy pricks you all are. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

  • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

    I actually watched these painful 15 seconds twice — I'm not sure, but was the crowd chanting Ryan, Ryan, Ryan (whom they might actually like), and then Mitt corrects them that he is the top of the ticket? If so, absolutely fucking brutal and sad. Ze stench of loserdom has become overpowering.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Ha! If the crowds continue to clamor for Ryan as the lead, will eat at his core worse than all kinds of saltwater in his cold mechanical gears!

      Man, Ryan's going to need a food taster if the rabble continues this way.

  • RebelCountess

    "Mitt's for shit, Ryan's lyin'!" might have worked better.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I've been to Vandalia. It is dominated by a beautiful golf course. There are only about ten streets. One of them is named S. Dixie Drive.

  • docterry6973

    That 'Romney/Ryan' chant went nowhere. Next time he should try 'Vulture/Voucher'.

  • ShiftyParadigm

    "We accept you. We accept you. Gobble, gobble. We accept you."

  • mr bojangles

    phuque y all! phuque y all!

  • Caelan Aegana

    The MittBot must be one of those exciting retro clockwork models run by a gold-plated record. Unfortunate that he doesn't have any small-denomination coins to tape to the turntable's arm.

  • MistaEko

    Truly the John Cena of politics.

    /except without the love from the women and children, amirite?
    //goes back to watching TV.

  • cheetojeebus

    built-in obsolescence is a terrible thing to witness.

  • Serolf_Divad

    This is how I imagine it sounds when a bunch of white collar executives try to lead the factory workers in a group rendition of the company theme song at 8:30 on a Monday morning.

    With every decision you make, ask yourself: how does this help the company?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Oh my god you are one silly, sad fuck.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    "Send these people to Bain's new Soylent Green Factory and get me a crowd that can chant!"

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Mitt Romney: Always thought to be too rich to flail.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    The Romney campaign isn't quite like a "train wreck in slow motion". It's more like an expanding sink hole in slow motion.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    "I say Etch, you say Sketch!"

    "Ready, one, two, uh…"

    Note to self: don't outsource count off to Rick Perry

  • sullivanst

    Mitt Romney’s Existential Sadness

    La Nausée, je l'ai.

  • smitallica

    Reminds me of when Data got his emotion chip.

    "Life…forms…precious little life…forms…"

  • nowave

    "Wait! Wait! It's my turn! I'm running for President, my name *first!"

    Oh, this is so pathetic.

  • VinnyThePooh

    "We'll take your bare necessities. You're simple, bare necessities…"

  • Negropolis

    Well, bless his heart.

  • ttommyunger

    I would feel sorry for almost any other clueless dick except Mittens; he deserves every fucking thing he and his self-involved family get.

  • merlemorrigan

    let's see, Money Boo-Boo STOPPED the crowd from chanting his name to teach them a new chant then blew them off before they could get started? You can't make this stuff up

  • plinkleton

    #Stench #Stench lit a Fart, Blew the whole dang thing apart ! #Orsomething

  • DahBoner

    "Wright Brothers Aviation"

    The Mitt-$1$ can't get off the ground with open windows…

  • Yellerdawg

    <Ducking out for my daily dose of the FiveThirtyEight> BRB…

    79.7% chance of Obama win! WooHoo!

    Now I can go "back" to work.

    • sullivanst

      And that's before factoring today's Quinnipiac/NYT/CBS poll of FL,PA,OH giving Obama big leads and over 50% in all three, plus showing voters in all three states favor Obama on every single policy issue except the deficit, where it's pretty much a wash (thus demonstrating that almost nobody in this country understands the deficit at all).

  • sullivanst

    Oh to be a fly on the wall at Romney HQ today, watching the panic as they try to work out how to spin this. Maybe they'll put in a call to Todd Akin's campaign team, or something.

    • Yellerdawg

      Are you kidding? That's child's play:

      The bible says nothing about polls. Polls are God's way of testing our faith. Science and math are optional, therefore Romney wins!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    just p a t h e t i c …

  • notanncoulter

    Many more than four dead in Ohio, apparently.
    [deepest and sincere apologies to the actual victims of the Kent State shootings, along with CSNY]

    It's rather telling that we, as compassionate libtards, are actually capable of feeling badly for this pathetic condescending arrogant fuck, as he struggles to connect with anyone that does not make 10+ million $$ a year. Telling indeed.
    Oh wait… we are human.
    Nevermind.