wastes of internet paper

Daily Caller Now Investigating Random Military Retirees for Seditious Keith Olbermann Fandom

HERE COMES JOURNALISMBrace yourselves, guys. The crack team over at the Daily Caller has come out with a new, knuckle-cracking investigation that gets to the root of yet another broad liberal conspiracy: There is a guy on the internet, you see, who has… opinions.

Oh, lord! Say it isn’t so! Say it’s a fabrication!

No, I’m sorry. It’s true. Also, though, stupid.

The subject of the 1,500-word expose is retired Lt. Col. Mike Russell, who is now a civilian Army employee cited in media reports as an Army neuropsychologist. That’s just by day though — by night … well, it’s pretty awful. Pretty terrible. Steady your toes, because they’re about to curl in horror.

By night, Russell posts on a message board.

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That’s right. The noble DC folks have evolved intelligently designed past harassing Will Ferrell about fake economic statements and into stalking message board commenters:

When retired Lt. Col. Mike Russell isn’t working as the program manger of the Army’s brain testing program, now as a civilian, he’s busy online as the site administer [sic] of KeithOlbermann.org, which describes the former MSNBC and Current TV host as “The Last Reporter Standing.”

A frequent contributor to the site’s Web forum, the main focus of the site, Russell has posted over-the-top political rants against Republicans, criticized the military’s psychiatrists and seemingly tried to recruit fellow online posters for positions on military bases.

Somebody get al-Qaida on the phone, we found one of their masterminds. Let’s check out some of these “over-the-top political rants against Republicans”:

Russell then ranted about politics being corrupted by corporate cash, specifically naming Charles and David Koch, business leaders who fund conservative and libertarian organizations.

“All the politicians, including Obama and Romney are BOUGHT, and the world is buried in your bullshit lies streaming form [sic] unlimited multi-national corporate cash. You are probably some paid shill the Koch brother pay to spam our forum with lies. Traitors, the lot of you.”

How DARE he insult staunch Republicans like Mitt Romney and Barack Obama! The nerve. And look at how this delinquent undercover Marxist “used the forum to criticize the Army”:

“I was in charge of suicide prevention for the army earlier in the war,” he wrote in a thread titled “Active troop suicides higher than KIA in 2012″ in June 2012, “but resigned when it was clear that they were unwilling to make any actual changes to fix the problem.”

OK, well that is obviously cause to lock him up next to naked Bradley Manning. But there is something more insidious going on here:

Russell went on to suggest that he was willing to bend requirements to hire someone from the online forum — and even suggested he had done so in the past, for a participant who used the username “Philbert.”

PHILBERT. WE HAVE TO FIND PHILBERT.

Philbert is the evidence. Philbert is the smoking gun. Philbert is the proof that this guy who posts on message boards also mentions on message boards that he has to hire people. Why the difficulty in finding folks?

“Actually the army has a lot of crappy psychiatrists,” Russell wrote in November 2009. “[I]t is a residency program that usually doesn’t get as much applicants as openings, so it is a place you get get a training slot if everyone else turns you down. For psychiatry it is a choice between training a dud and going without.” [...]
“I have 78 people working for me. I can’t find anyone with even a Bachelors [degree] in History in Mississippi,” Russell complained on the forum in June 2010.

MORE sedition! The man is incorrigible. Military mental health services aren’t amazing? Blasphemy, against American Jesus! And to say that maybe the state that sends black students to prison for school infractions might have some educational problems is basically racist, right? It’s not like the state’s neighbors are teaching students that the Loch Ness Monster is real and disproves evolution or anything. Everything is always fine in the South.

But what’s this? Comment from the guy the article is about? How could he explain this OUTRAGE?

“I hope you are looking forward to your travels to San Antonio, Texas, where your defamation lawsuit will be held, because whatever my status in 2010. I retired from the military in November 2010 and sold the forum you are complaining about to Cheryl Roberts in 2011, so am a Private Person in 2012.”

Wait — so they guy described in the lede as “the long-time administrator of a Keith Olbermann fan site” is revealed, in the 33rd paragraph, to not be the administrator of a Keith Olbermann fan site? Daily Caller people, I am starting to suspect you may be, on occasion… obtuse. You get one last chance to save this article before we do one of those mean “In review” things.

Asked whether it is appropriate for an Army doctor who presumably deals with patients of all political stripes to engage in hostile partisan rhetoric, the Army spokesman said, “We cannot comment on this allegation.”

GAH OK that’s enough. There might have been a way out, but the article instead went to “Maybe liberal doctors give Republicans cancer,” so here’s the “In review.”

In review: Officer retires from military, becomes contractor, writes on message boards that he thinks corporate money is corrupting politics, then mentions he needs smart people to work for him. This is very shady, because maybe he’s just hiring his friends, except he was so disillusioned by the military’s ability to keep soldiers from killing themselves that he stopped being in the military, so it’s probably not that.

In any case, we should be incensed because the guy likes Keith Olbermann. [Daily Caller]

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241 comments

    1. Terry

      The Daily Caller investigators are working up dossiers as we speak. The pages are probably grease stained, too.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Oh, cool. I actually met Jimmy Carter once, in person, shook his hand and exchanged pleasantries etc. Also, I've admitted here to registering as a Republican just so I could vote for the wrong primary candidate. So they'll probably do a two-parter on me!

            I just hope the embarrassing fact that I remained a virgin until the age of [redacted] never makes into the final edit.

          2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

            Naaahh…shouldn't be a problem since most Daily Caller writers like Freepers are still current virgins. Freepers always say it's because of demonic feminism that they can't score, that way they never have to admit that women aren't turned on by their best PBR stained Ted Nugent '86 tour shirts on dates (when Freepers can get a date). Daily Caller nerds are more like Marcus Bachmann…they don't find women sexy but can never figure out why…and for some reason they have those fireman calenders hanging up to appreciate masculinity. That's my theory as to why wingnuts are so macho obsessed…the Village People.

          3. Dashboard Buddha

            I met Walter Cronkite once…at Disney World of all places. Shook his hand even. Obviously I am complicit in the loss of the Vietnam war.

          4. BTWBFDIMHO

            I met and I kissed Sonia Braga once. Yes, indeedy, well after she dated Robert Redford and Pat Metheny, among other ex-wonketteratti.

          5. actor212

            I dated Bob McAllister's daughters.

            You know, Wonderama? So clearly I am personally responsible for its cancellation and the subsequent dumbing down of America's youth.

            Where I grew up, you couldn't spit without hitting someone on TV.

        1. ImForMitt!

          "I hope they make my life more interesting than it really is. "

          Before you ask a conservative pundit to do this for/to you, you might wish to consult the opinion of Slutty Lesbian Jew-Loving Prostitute Sandra Fluke Who Has So Much Lesbian Slutty Sex (For Money!) That She Can't Afford Her Own Birth Control Pills.

        1. Gleem McShineys

          Ok, fine. We have to meme-icate this one then.

          You know what else leaves stains on Daily Caller pages?

    2. GhostBuggy

      I often wonder why the Wonk doesn't show up more when Fox is trying to scare conservatives. I mean, we're everything they hate, right here in the comments alone.

      Here, I'll get us started. Hey Hannity! Fuck you!

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        Hey! I just wiped my ass with the pages of the Republican platform. PLEEEZEE investigate me! PLEEEZEE! I'm living a very boring life and now have the excitement of waiting for the knock on the door–other than Mormon missionaries.

        1. Designer_Rants

          *Knock Knock*
          Dudley: "Well hello-o-o-o!"
          Tucker Carlson: "Uhh, hi. Are you 'Dudleydidwrong'?"
          Dudley: "Why, YES!!!"
          Tucker: "Mm, well, I'm here because of what you wrote on the Wonkette website."
          Dudley: "Come IN!!! Make yourself at HO-O-O-OME!!!"
          Tucker: "Uh, I should stay out here. Where I'm in plain view."
          Dudley: "You wanna see something re-e-e-ally cool?"
          *Dudley exposes self to Tucker, then rams tongue in Tucker's agape mouth*
          Tucker: "Whaaa?!"
          Dudley: "Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!"
          *Slams door, goes back to NYT crossword puzzle, says "Oh! 'Emu'" quietly to self*
          Tucker's Headline: "Obama Supporter Legitimately Rapes Bowtied Citizen!"

      2. BlueStateLibel

        I'm a secular humanist who wants to ban Xmas trees and make English the third language …behind French and Spanish.

        1. Designer_Rants

          I imagine just the phrase "Secular Humanist" makes certain people run for their nearest gun and bible (same drawer), and then loudly chant "USA!" until The Mike Huckajesus Show makes them feel like they're a Real American again.

          1. Yellerdawg

            I remember in high school, lo those many years ago, making a semi-joke to a friend about joining a secular humanist church. I turned around and the person standing behind us was looking at me in horror, as if I was at any moment going to go on a blood drinking rampage in the hall. I thought that was really funny at the time. Little did I know that such people were going to be in charge of Texas a few years later.

    3. UnholyMoses

      Well, my user name alone proves we're all anti-Semites who loath Israel and the baby Jesus … who, if the GOP were around about 2012 years ago, would have been called an "anchor baby" who should be deported, as I doubt his folks had a passport.

        1. Incitefully_Joe

          He also calls himself a progressive and holds reasonable views on the environment and corporate money in politics, which are anathema to libertarians, and has pretty shitbaggy views on civil liberties and racial profiling, which most libertarians like to pretend is anathema to libertarianism.

          I'd call him a mostly-liberal who leans obnoxious (and definitely rightward) on certain issues, but who is also an anti-vaxer and therefore should never actually be taken seriously on any topic ever no matter what.

    1. Caelan Aegana

      I was going to say, "Chris Matthews doesn't make you want to drive a paring knife through your eardrums?" But then I realized you said "liberal" and not "MSNBC", and laughed.

    2. CindynEncinitas

      Come on, you guys! Olbermann is going to have such a sad if we don't like him. He's not really very famous any more and if he finds out we don't like him, who knows what he'll do?

    1. actor212

      I think he's actually bi-squadron. He's almost always at the Mets games when they are in town, as well. I imagine this past week, he had really dissonance.

      About the only NY sporting event he doesn't attend is the US Open.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      I keep getting The Daily Caller mixed up with The Blaze. But the over/under about this part is that Glenn Beck gets all the camera time, and Tucker probably has a desk near Milton.

    2. SaintRond

      As all boyishly perky Republicans wear bow ties, originally popularized by a particularly winsome young Republican back in the 70's by the name of Ted Bundy — youth, like spring and summer, must give way to winter and the equally adorable suspenders, worn by once boyishly perky older Republicans with frog bodies, popularized by a particularly winsome older Republican by the name of Robert Bork.

      For there is a season.

  1. Come here a minute

    The Daily Caller should apologize for publishing this crap — it's quite obvious that both the Army and Keith Olbermann are in need of better mental health services.

    1. Beowoof

      Let's not leave the psychological needs of the Daily Caller out of that equation. If Obama wins the election I would expect several of them to go Charles Whitman.

  2. Pragmatist2

    What kind of animal leaves the Army and then does not take a job with a defense contractor? It's disgusting and Mitt Romney will pti a stop to it when Rasmussen only polls Republicans and the election is officially over.

  3. Antispandex

    I'm a veteran, and I have a huge jones for Rachel Maddow. I'm going to hell, huh? I can't help it, she's just so….smart and stuff. Do I have to give back my medals?

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      I would think American Jesus would have taken away your medals simply for participating on Wonkette.

    2. docterry6973

      OT, but tonight Rachel made a Moby Dick joke while reporting on the length of the Florida ballot. I like Rachel.

    3. ttommyunger

      I think she is hot too, but sadly, she has teh ghey; as does another hottie-Stephanie Miller. I haz sadz…

  4. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This reminds me, what is with that airplane window post from yesterday having over 100,000 views? Do people actually read this stuff?

    1. Mumbletypeg

      what is with that airplane window post from yesterday having over 100,000 views?

      And "121 retweets." Weird.

      ETA: just got another 300+ pageviews and an extra 'retweet' since you commented about it, BigDog. I bet that feels powerful!

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        But obvs it's being read by bastards with no sense of humor. Otherwise we would all have like 1000 thumbs on our comments. Sometimes I miss the thumbs down. I liked the satisfaction I would get in knowing I pissed everyone off.

    2. weejee

      Our beloved Editrix is already posting our advertisers about the extra viewing charges. She better be careful or she'll soon be up where Mittens wants to make the tax cuts.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Tell Dish to put your channel back on the goddamn basic HD package. Jonesing over here.

      deit: Whoops! Sarandon? Might as well be Oprah, and I ain't watchin' her channel either.

  5. hagajim

    Who is this Keith Olbermann fella? Seem to remember something about him and the snowbilly grifter being tenuously connected.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Aw, geez Jimmy, it was a long time ago, back in the last century, it was. Him and another guy, name a' Patrick the other guy was, had thesselves a sports show on some channel that showed sports games that nobody wanted tuh watch, like that crazy kickball game from Austraylee. But Devil take me if I lie, Jimmy, that was the best damndest show anybuddy'd ever saw.

      Then one day he up'n quit and nobody ever heard from him again.

    2. Negropolis

      You see, once upon a time, there was this angry sports dude who got fired from everything he did, and then he righteously took his road show to politics and smashed it all the hell up and didn't play well with others, so they banished him to triple-digit TVland, never to be heard from, again.

  6. Tundra Grifter

    However, if Lt. Col. Mike Russell had refused to go to Afghanistan because he hadn't seen President Obama's long-form birf certificate, or had posted nasty remarks on Facebook about our Commander in Chief, the idiots at The Daily Trawler would be treating him like an American hero.

  7. Jukesgrrl

    From this article I deduce that the Koch Brothers have yet to complete their infiltration of all Pentagon organizations. And they expect us to let them run the ENTIRE GOVERNMENT?! What good is all that money if simple military retirees are still allowed access to the tubez of the interwebs?

  8. SayItWithWookies

    So this is how the Daily Caller edits their stories? They come out with a slew of alleged partisan stuff by a guy who then says he sold the forum two years ago, and they're like "Well, publish the story anyway." Really? I guess it was either run with the story or just have a big blank webpage where the story would've been, since deadlines are deadlines in this new internet world.

    1. Geminisunmars

      What — did you want them to dump it after they'd spent all that time and brain power on researching it?

    1. Pithaughn

      When our media types take a break from just straight stenography of campaign talking points, they come up with drivel like this.

  9. qwerty42

    Oh no. I'm not being tricked to follow a link to their site. Well, the comments would be *very* funny, but you have to scrub clean afterwards because of teh stoopid. OK, the free-floating paranoia is really tempting …

  10. iburl

    At least $3.5 million of Foster Friess's money and this is what the Daily Callgirl comes up with? Makes his investments in Rick Santorum seem sane by comparison.

  11. calliecallie

    I can’t find anyone with even a Bachelors [degree] in History in Mississippi.

    That actually may be a good thing, given our Sunday instruction on Christian history books.

    And why do you need a bachelor's degree in history to work in brain testing? Also.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      Why is the army working on brain testing anyway?

      Maybe they should be spending more time on helping homeless unemployed vets.

  12. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "The crack team over at the Daily Caller has come out with a new, knuckle-cracking dragging investigation that gets to the root of yet another broad liberal conspiracy."

    fify

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Despite his radicality, there is a marine camp in Okinawa named for Butler. I wonder if Hackworth will ever be so honored. You must have been active duty around the time he got his self into the shit with the brass, Tom?

        1. ttommyunger

          I sincerely doubt it. Butler waited until he was separated from Active Duty before admitting his Apostasy. David spoke truth to power while in command. That cannot stand, donchaknow? David's death of bladder cancer while receiving treatment in a Mexican Clinic was barely mentioned by anyone Stateside, especially the Army. Almost makes me proud I have two Honorable Discharges (Army-USMC) yet not one Good Conduct Medal. FTA! FTC!

  13. natl_indecency_cmdr

    This is so much worse than those retired colonels etc getting paid to lie on the tv about teh Iraq. This is way worse.

    1. LibertyLover

      No snark here but I still like KO because he had the courage in an age of Republican talking heads everywhere to make it ok to not be ashamed to say that the Republican leadership in this country was full of crap (individual Republicans that get duped by the likes of Fox News and Rushbo not so much.)

      I am not sure why he is so hard to work with though. I wish him well. It's not easy speaking truth to power.

    1. LibertyLover

      Um… I thought those were like unicorns…. imaginary fantasy creatures…

      Not sure what else to say except What a good idea — The Euro has worked out so well in Europe.

  14. Comrade Wingtardd

    I recall back in the Bush years being routinely threatened by conservatives that they would find out where I work and inform my boss of my posts, find out where I live, etc. I know of several instances of conservatives calling peoples' places of work and complaining about internet libtard behavior of their employees.

    1. LibertyLover

      Well duh… we were at war and conservatards always always always support the COC in a time of war (except in 2009- present day for some reason – can't figure that one out.)

  15. Gleem McShineys

    So this is just like a witch hunt, except instead of a witch, you find a note stuck to your back that says "I am an assclown" and then you look down and your bowtie has fallen into a puddle of what looks like liquid shit, so you decide to make the best of it, and put it all up on the internet for all to see?

  16. rocktonsam

    I was just thinking the other day who we haven't heard from lately. Turns out, Keef wasn't the one i was thinking of.

  17. sullivanst

    Daily Callgirl is incensed that the good Lt. Col. will not pay it for the sexytimes, because the Daily Callgirl is fugly.

  18. ElPinche

    The Daily Caller is outsourcing the best of the best journalist mercs on this, James O'Keefe as soon as they can come up with the bail money.

  19. Negropolis

    That post had more twists than the Kama Sutra and more turns than a suburban Atlanta thoroughfare. My head hurts.

  20. OneYieldRegular

    Can't they just rename it "The Daily Prank Caller"? That way they'd be more sure that no one would accidentally take them seriously.

    1. Negropolis

      Honestly, they should try to become the conservative Onion…mostly so that they'll go away entirely since conservatives aren't (intentionally) funny.

  21. ffredpalakon

    Tucker Carlson is like journalism's Lindsay Lohan. The stories involving him will always be ridiculous, he'll never return to anything like actual relevancy, he'll always come off as shameless, desperate and spoiled. The only difference I can think of is that I actually feel sorry for Lohan and I've never wanted to see Carlson naked.

  22. ttommyunger

    As a veteran of our US Army, I can attest that an Army Psychiatrist has got to be as busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

  23. lizunyan

    This comment by "Wowey" on the article is AMAZING:

    "Wasn't the Aurora murderer also in some "neuro-somethng" program…At least he tried. this guy apparently made it into the gang. I always thought that " neuro " meant the "brain/nerves/surgery " branch of Psychiatry. What is a neuro-Psycholigist? Where does malpractice begin? Just ASking. Is Keith a patient?

    Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/09/24/us-armys-senior

  24. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Good evening chaps and chapesses. I'm off for a bit. Nothing really bad like cancer or anything, I just have to leave to sort some things out. Maybe I'll be around, maybe not; but probably not.

    Love you people.

    Fukui

    1. Radiotherapy

      Fukui, you are more loved than you love us.
      We will miss you greatly.
      Stay safe and sound.
      And check in now and again.

    2. VodkaGoGo

      Wondered where you've been, see I actually went looking for you. Hope you're doing well, come on back to us soon. You are missed.

  25. Peckerwood_Pete

    So you can get PAID for being a troll? As in…. employment? Holy hell… count me IN! I troll for free on most sites…. when I should be working…

  26. Yellerdawg

    There is nothing in the bible about brains, so no one in Mississippi sees the need to have one, let alone test for something that's obviously a liberal lie.

  27. Phoenix_Bird

    "When retired Lt. Col. Mike Russell isn’t working as the program manger…"

    What's a "program manger"?

Comments are closed.