THIS IS THE END MY ONLY FRIEND  4:00 pm September 25, 2012

Oh Yeah, Mitt’s Mormon Mexican Cousin Thinks We Should Legalize It Also Too

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Drugs are bad mmmkay?And so Vice’s foray to Me-hee-co, to the Mormons and the cartels, comes to an end. You guys loved it so much! Anything happen this time, besides a general wrap-up? YES. Mitt Romney’s Mexico-born cousin Kelly Romney, who is a terrible Christian, says to leeeegalize it.

Also, they talk about Fast & Furious some. Somebody tell Matthew Boyle and the Daily Caller, please! They could use some backup since their crusade crashed and burned.

Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six.
[Vice]

 
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{ 65 comments }

DrunkIrishman September 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Guillermo?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Holy crap! This is STILL going on? It's like the Jets game yesterday.

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

And the finish left me unsatisfied, confused, and more than a little upset, also just like the other night!

I mean the Packers/Seahawks game. Pervs.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

As much as I dislike the NFC, and football in general, I gotta say Green Bay was robbed.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Green Bay was robbed, raped, beaten, had its wallet stolen, and was dumped in a ditch.

Fixed to more appropriately sum up how Packers fans (such as my wife) really feel today.

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Scott Walker agrees that these scab refs are terrible.

He also has some trouble with the notion of "irony".

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Well, I wouldn't compare it to rape, now. That would make me a Blah woman FOX panelist.

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I do admit that there's a not-so-small, very trollish corner of my psyche that kinda hopes that the lockout continues into the post-season, 4tehlulz.

I asked my girlfriend to imagine if the scab refs ended up officiating the Super Bowl, and she said that the word "murdertrain" spontaneously popped into her head for some reason.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I'm a rather GIFUCKINGGANTIC Chiefs fan* and … well, yeah. That would suck more than almost all sucky things that have ever sucked.

But I'm w/ the refs on this one. Fuck the owners — fight for that pension, dudes.

Not like KC will be in the Super Bowl anyway, so WTF do I care?

(* Also the Royals, because: a.) I'm from KC; b.) championships are overrated anyway because SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT'S WHY!!!)

Lascauxcaveman September 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

As a Seahawks fan, I must point out the rule says that when two go up and both of them get their hands on the ball, and they both keep their hands on the ball when they come down, the tie goes to the receiver.

But yeah, the defender actually had possession; GB got hosed.

That's football. Just like the 2006 Super Bowl.

(Yes, we're still pissed off about that.)

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Actually, the rules say that when two players HAVE SIMULTANEOUS POSSESSION and both come down with the ball, still with SIMULTANEOUS POSSESSION, the tie goes to the receiver.

Sorry, but sticking one hand under a defenders arm on the way down in order to touch the ball =/= possession.

No way in this or any other reality did that play qualify. The GB player made the catch, while the Seahawks player just shoved his hand in there on the way down (after pushing off in what is the most blatant example of offensive pass interference I've ever seen in 30+ years of watching football).

It was a blown call. Period.

ADDING: Oh hell yes y'all are still mad about being screwed in the Super Bowl, and you should be!

StealthMuslin September 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

How can anyone be Mormon without a Thorazine shunt?

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Two words:

Head. Trauma.

Isyaignert September 25, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Brain. Wash.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Romneys are just proof that they like to fuck a lot.

nounverb911 September 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Has Mitt announced that he's running for president of Mexico yet?

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

It'd be easier for him to win if he were actually Latino.

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I heard somewhere that it was good for Umara Composis and Goats love to play with it.

RedStatePinko September 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Does anyone know what 'umara composis' means? – Yahoo! Answers
Best Answer: I BELIEVE IT IS PAINS WITH YOUR PERIOD CYCLE http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I'd say cartels are people, too, mi amigo, but 1) that's too easy and 2) it's true.

ChillBill September 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

This series has more episodes than Mitt's cousins have wives.

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Than Carter's got pills.

OzoneTom September 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Can we pay a ransom where they have to keep the Rmoneys?

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Si se puede!!!

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

So he's gonna vote for Liz Warren? Good for him.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Is this the one where they blow up the Death Star and then we have to suffer through fifteen minutes of stone-age Ewoks playing electronica, or is this the other one?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

This has been the weirdest episode of Breaking Bad ever.

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Mormons legalizing pot? I don't get it. It's like the celibate legalizing prostitution.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

So like Ron Paul?

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Just as long as the prostitutes can't use birth control or get abortions!

Baconzgood September 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm

NEEDEDZ MOAR $2 TIJUANA PROSTITUTEZ!!!!!!!!!!!

Antispandex September 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Any way we can get this Kelly fellow to replace the Mittster? Oh, right, born in Mexico. Still, I know a place in L.A. where you can get a birth certificate that looks almost real, and besides, rules like that only apply to American born black folk, so…

chicken_thief September 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Made in Meh-hee-co didn't stop Jorge Romney from running.

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

No caffeine or alcohol (exclusion of tequila because the water makes you violently poop there), but they're totes cool with the wacky tobacky? I mean, I'm cool with pot, too, but love my vino much more. Much more.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And wine is even in the Bibble!

chicken_thief September 25, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Is that a pack of cigs in Senor Romney's right front pants pocket?

Isyaignert September 25, 2012 at 7:00 pm

No, he's just happy to see you.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

In Mexico, the pot plants are just the right height.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Tijuana! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains
And the waving weed can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the bong…

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Mitt would get on board too except everyone always says: legalize it so it can be taxed and regulated by the government. Obviously, legalizing it is anti-capitalist.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I'll betcha somewhere, sometime Mitt has also said legalize it, as well as execute people for smoking it. He likes to cut a wide swath…but I also know he'd say he grew it for Ann's MS if he thought it'd win him this terrible election. I am ready for this to be over now, thank you.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:22 pm
fuflans September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

baconz?

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 12:13 am

Fake bacon is a sacrilege and a false prophet/profit.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 9:47 am

Even turkey bacon, made from that most noble of beasts, the turkey, sucketh the root.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 25, 2012 at 4:23 pm

So, Ryan is in favor of legalizing it. Romney's Mexican Cousin are in favor of legalizing it.

Clearly we need President Lisa Simpson!

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm
kittensdontlie September 25, 2012 at 4:23 pm

We have to kill the movement to legalize pot, so that we can save the drug cartels.—Mittens

azeyote September 25, 2012 at 9:15 pm

us growers don't want to pay no stinking taxes on turning the gange.

Estproph September 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Can we switch Romneys with Mexico?

chicken_thief September 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Nice lawn, dude. But, given the ease of finding Messican labor in Meh-hee-co, that should be no surprise.

pinkocommi September 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I see this side of the Romney clan has gone to pot.

weejee September 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Mittenz always ignores the obvious.

DahBoner September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

By "it", you mean raping 15-year old sister wives, amirite?

Robman2 September 25, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Clowns should never get out of the car at the same spot in the circus ring.

I said weeks ago, Rayn is upstaging Rmoney, every single time they appear together, makes him look bad.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Just guessing here, but I'd bet the Messican R'Moneys are about as popular down there as the Michigan ones are up here. Difference is: down there they use bullets-lots of them; not ballots like we do.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm

How do you like your Rand now, Scott? This is exactly what you want.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Well, okay. I'll give ya that one.

How illegitimate rape? Is that kosher (or whatever the hell the Mormon equivalent of kosher is)?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Oh yea, sure. She's asking for it.

Incitefully_Joe September 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Hey, I totally get it. I went to school just outside Philly, with such illustrious teams as the Phillies, Flyers, Sixers, and the Eagles when they really sucked.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Okay … I'll give ya that one. Four teams full of failure >* two teams.**

Note: I hate the Phillies due to the 1980 World Series, when the Royals — and my nine-year-old heart — were crushed in six games.

(* Maybe that should be a < symbol … ?)

(** Not counting the Kings, Scouts, or Wiz/Wizards/Sporting KC.)

Lascauxcaveman September 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

That's kinda what I meant when I said "But yeah, the defender actually had possession; GB got hosed."

But WTF, it's a game, neener neener neener, 2006 SuperBowl, etc. ad infinitum.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I am so sorry — not having a good day, and have had the same discussion about eleventy infinity times already. Didn't mean to jump on you.

Again, my apologies …

bobbert September 26, 2012 at 2:34 am

Like I said to Chet on another thread, if there was a team that might deserve a years-late make-up call, it would be the Seahawks. If the Packers end up missing the playoffs by one game, it'll be annoying, but it is, in fact, just entertainment.

actor212 September 26, 2012 at 9:50 am

Imma jus leave this here:

Mets, Jets, Knicks, Rangers.

I added it up one night: right now, I'm more than a full century from a championship if you combine all the dry spells. Even the most recent was 20 years ago, now.

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