EPISTOLARY ROMANCE  3:10 pm September 25, 2012

Hillary Clinton Aide Invites Buzzfeed Reporter To Do Sexual Congress Elsewhere

by Doktor Zoom

U mad?In a shocking display of online rudeness unmatched since the time Ari Fleischer told Helen Thomas “Tits or GTFO,” Buzzfeed reports that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s occasionally-poetic* press aide, Philippe Reines, got into an email pissing match with Buzzfeed reporter Michael Hastings. The flame war evidently started in a heated discussion of Call of Duty: Black Ops CNN’s handling of the diary of Ambassador Christopher Stevens, which its reporters found in the debris of the US Consulate in Libya, and then escalated into an exchange of very undiplomatic language between the reporter and the press aide. The messages start off relatively civil, if prickly:

Hastings: Why didn’t the State Department search the consulate and find AMB Steven’s diary first?… Your statement on CNN sounded pretty defensive–do you think it’s the media’s responsibility to help secure State Department assets overseas after they’ve been attacked?

Reines: Good morning Michael

…As far as the tone of my email, I think you’re misreading mine as much as I’m misreading yours as being needlessly antagonistic…

Your question seems to imply they have none and any expectation of responsible behavior is too much to ask. To be specific: I believe CNN had the responsibility to act as human beings and be sensitive to their loss when they first approached the family…

And then, the brutal honesty / passive-aggressive sniping (in the aftermath of a well-regarded ambassador’s death, from Reines’ perspective, and a whole lot of hasty State Department message-juggling, from Hastings’ POV) starts to kicks in:

Hastings: Thanks for getting back to me. No, you read my email correctly–I found your statement to CNN offensive.

From my perspective, the scandal here is that the State Department had such inadequate security procedures in place that four Americans were killed….

Reines: Why do you bother to ask questions you’ve already decided you know the answers to?

Hastings: Why don’t you give answers that aren’t bullshit for a change?

Reines: I now understand why the official investigation by the Department of the Defense as reported by The Army Times The Washington Post concluded beyond a doubt that you’re an unmitigated asshole.

How’s that for a non-bullshit response?

Now that we’ve gotten that out of our systems, have a good day.

And by good day, I mean Fuck Off

Hastings: Hah–I now understand what women say about you, too! Any new complaints against you lately?

Reines: Talk about bullshit – answer me this: Do you only traffic in lies, or are you on the ground floor of creating them?

And since Fuck Off wasn’t clear enough, I’m done with you. Inside of 5 minutes when I can log into my desktop, you’ll be designated as Junk Mail.

Have a good life Michael.

Hastings: I’ll take that as a non-denial denial.

All the best,

Michael

Or perhaps this is more a case of Epic Butthurt. Our NFL scab referees are still reviewing the tape.

*UPDATE: Nice catch, Chet Kincaid!

[Atlantic Wire / Buzzfeed]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 234 comments }

bumfug September 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Ah, the delicate nuances that are the language of diplomacy!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Hm. If "Have a good day" = "Fuck off," then what does "Have a good life" mean?

Terry September 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

"Have a good life" = "F#$k off and die"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

….of votes! (keeping to the code)

Darthhippy September 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Hope you die like a poor?

chicken_thief September 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Bless your heart?

Mojopo September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"Kiss my grits"?

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

This must be what Clinton means when she says she has had "constructive talks where our viewpoints were expressed."

BerkeleyBear September 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

We each said our talking points without killing each other, pretty much.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"Fuck you!"
"No, fuck you!"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"No, fuck YOU!"

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Damn. Ya got me there.

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"No, FUCK YOU!"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"Oh no! Fuck YOU with a rusty chainsaw!"

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

"Yeah? Fuck you right in the earhole, buddy!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Skullf*ck all of you!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"Same to you and many more!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"I know you are but what am I?"

PS – this was my brothers go to comeback when we were kids. The poor boy never stood a chance.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:30 pm

And may you have hickies that require you to wear a turtleneck sweater in the summer!

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

This is honestly the kind of frank exchange that I'd like to see more of.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Fuck you too!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

"Yea! Fuck you!"

ProgressiveInga September 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Kiss my ass! This is a HOLY PLACE!!!

glasspusher September 25, 2012 at 10:37 pm

You use language like that in front of my son!? Fuck you and your family!

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

You can't fight here! This is the War Room!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Fuck that shit!

natl_indecency_cmdr September 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"Oh, go fuck a duck."

Callyson September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

And we have a five word summary of the 2012 election. Well done.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Holy moley. A press aide is about to be moved to a new position and a CNN reporter is about to find that his access is substantially limited.

Mojopo September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Reines should be promoted. He's only saying what we're all thinking, which is exactly what a good press aide should do.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

This is the same Reines that wrote the lovely poem a while back? I like him.
http://wonkette.com/481411/the-state-department-n

Hastings was rushed to the hospital with third degree Looney Tunes exploding cigar facial burns.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I miss Ginger

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Excellent catch! Adding linky to OP…

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Whoa! It's like a weblog within a weblog within a …

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm

shit sandwich?

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 9:08 pm

No, that was intended in the sense of "turtles all the way down".

Speaking from the context of Wonkette (only) I found it interesting that you modified the original post with additional info from a commenter. Sometimes commenters point out serious critical errors that ultimately require updates to the original post. This was different.

You incorporated a comment into your post that was not forced (out of error or misinterpretation or maliciousness). Only because of the additional context provided by one (or more?) commenter(s).

I'm sure you're aware that commenters here routinely provide additional valuable context and that it routinely gets ignored.

While I've got you on the line, why the difference? It's not so much a remark on your particular writing, which I think is great, but on the general approach to posts on popular blogs (including but not limited to Wonkette) that comments are "the other" remarks.

Of course I know that your status is commenter-elevated-to-contributor and (again) I hold no grudges regarding that. There have probably been other isolated instances of commenters causing alterations to the original content in non-forced, non-embarrassing intent, but the question remains…

How do you feel about changing your own post because of commenter feedback? I'll come out of the closet and say that I think it's totally awesome and should be done more often but, if taken to extreme, can potentially put a huge burden on the original author to perpetually add to his or her article / blog post / expression.

In short I see not a shit sandwich but a willingness on your part to break the mold of the contemporary "blogger" and I'm prepared to admire that. Then again, maybe you just really like Chet. Hell, I also think he's awesome too so I'm probably just talking out of my ass.

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I love this guy, Reines, I have always thought Hastings was a jumped-up little cunt.

ChillBill September 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I'm pretty sure that Reines is a regular Wonkette commenter.

nounverb911 September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Spanky2b?

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

He shows the predilection for naughty words to fit right in here.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Nah. It would need more wishes for skullfucking …

… with VOTES!

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Email him a recruitment form before his Exchange account gets cuts the "fuck off".

Blueb4sinrise September 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Gitmofeed.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Are those actual quotes?

Anyway, "And by good day, I mean Fuck Off" is my new LIFE MOTTO.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 3:19 pm

And snazzy new email signature!

weejee September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Laissez les bon temps roules!

Chow Yun Flat September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

He should have started with Fuck Off since it is Buzzfeed.

YouBetcha September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

These are the people who are supposed to keep us from going to war with Iran? BRB stocking the bunker.

weejee September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Our NFL scab referees are still reviewing the tape.

Zombie Ayn Rand cheers for the scabby refs. 'Murican Feetzbawl fans, on the other hand, feel kinda stabby.

Mumbletypeg September 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

You know who else tweeted private info about a person who'd provoked their indignation?

weejee September 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

♪♫ Tweetle, tweetle-dee, tweet, tweet ♫♪

Radiotherapy September 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

SYLT BLÅBÄR?

C_R_Eature September 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Radiotherapy September 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm
C_R_Eature September 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm
shelwood46 September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

After the scabs stole the game from the Pack, even Evil Governor is on the union's side. Football brings people together, aw.

hagajim September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Wow! Nice to see how our 4th estate gets along with the folks they're supposed to cover. I'd have junk mailed his ass as well.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Registered him with RentBoy.com

jqheywood September 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Nah, you can't register someone who already has an account….

….or so I understand.

Fluffy_Kitties September 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"I now understand why the official investigation by the Department of the Defense as reported by The Army Times The Washington Post concluded beyond a doubt that you’re an unmitigated asshole."

Best. Quote. Ever!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Best variation I've ever heard is:

"Does your rectum have teeth?"

"No, of course not"

"So you are a perfect asshole"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Needs more "Oh yea?????" "Yea!"

Oblios_Cap September 25, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Hey – why can't anybody comment on your site? Think of all the fun we could have – There would probably be a lot of exchanges like one cited in this article!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

You have to click on an article then Intense Orgasm Debate pops up.

mayor_quimby September 25, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm partial to "Fuck you and everything you stand for" or "Fuck you and everybody who looks like you"

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck"

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm

This now, this is how my dear old dad used to talk. He was a Bayonne Boy, Saint Peters.

CindynEncinitas September 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

My fave. Thanks, Actor.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:37 pm

The first ten minutes of "The Way of the Gun" are a treasure trove of cursing. It would Sam Jackson pause.

SexySmurf September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I now understand why the official investigation by the Department of the Defense as reported by The Army Times The Washington Post concluded beyond a doubt that you’re an unmitigated asshole.

I don't think that was a very good use of taxpayer dollars especially since it's so obvious Michael Hastings is an unmitigated asshole.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

You just know Paul Ryan will go to the House floor complaining about this waste of money.

Steverino247 September 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

They had to verify that he was an unmitigated asshole before moving him up the target list. Happens all the time.

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I don't think people should be allowed to talk like that.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Then it's a good thing they were typing …

sewollef September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Boom.

But I bet their fingers were bleeding after they'd finished hammering their keyboards.

DerrickWildcat September 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

This is good news. I can type e-mails to people calling them a prick and then tell them I didn't say you were a prick. I typed it.

UnholyMoses September 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I've done that. Honestly — tried it with my sister in law.

Turns out that it does NOT work as well as you think it would.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Maaan. Last time I wrote an email like that at work I had to go to detention … er, I mean HR.

Theywontlisten September 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

I work in HR, I would have asked you to come to my office, listened to your explanation, reminded you of the company's electronic communications policy and secretly wanted to hug you and give you a big sloppy kiss for being one of my new heroes. Under my breath I would be mumbling, "the fucker it was sent to probably deserved it".

PubOption September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

NPR ran this story this morning, although the language used on air was more…diplomatic (or Bowdlerized if you prefer). Example – "Why don't you give answers that aren't bogus for a change."

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Needs moar "Fuck Off".

Designer_Rants September 25, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Yeah, I heard that too. Today (NPR = Reality x Leave It To Beaver).

mavenmaven September 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Buzzfeed? Does this mean that Reines-Hastings is now a meme?

Exhausted66 September 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I thought Reies Hastings was chairman of the RNC.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I finger-punched the search box and discovered that Monsieur Reines has a long history on the Wonkets. He was Senator Clinton's Press Secretary in 2007, and apparently sent out an email campaigning for a higher position on a poll of Male Media Hotties:
http://wonkette.com/283010/philippe-reines-hottie

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I finger-punched the search box…

I bet you did, Chet. I bet you did.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Is that like "cock-punching the fartbox?" Now there is an old Wonkette classic I have not heard in too long. And Assfucking! And Warblogging!

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"tongue-punched," actually,

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Ooops, thanks there, Doc.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I thought it was "tongue jacked"?

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Wow, he's like Scott Baio's special needs brother.

NorthStarSpanx September 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Annie, you think? Then call me a freak cause I want me some of that!

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I am very disappointed in the inappropriate language used by Mr. Reines; he should at least have a "cocksucker" and "motherfucker" in there too.

elviouslyqueer September 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Plus the obligatory "douchebag" and "fuckbucket" thrown it for good measure.

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

"Fuckbucket" really rolls off the tongue. I'm going to employ it on my commute home today.

Mojopo September 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I've been using cockbucket a lot lately. I think I got it from Doktor Zoom.

CindynEncinitas September 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Cockbucket? Just in time for Christmas!

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Fuck Buckler might work as well.

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Those shit-for-brains cock-knobbling doucheshit turdfucks.

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

To be fair, he was in a hurry.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

There should always be time to support a position with carefully crafted language….aw fuck……………………

ChrisM2011 September 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Cock Knocker is a personal favorite. More Cock Knocker in government (Wait- I've just been informed that we already have enough..)!

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

"Fartknocker" was popularized by Peter Falk's character in Tune In Tomorrow, his greatest work.

natl_indecency_cmdr September 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

No one used the term "fuckwit" either. Harrumph!

miss_grundy September 25, 2012 at 5:15 pm

And for good measure, comemierda, which should be the name for a lot of reporters at CNN except for Soledad O'Brien, because she seems to be the only one asking intelligent questions lately….

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm

What about twatwaffle, analickenspator, and cuntnugget?

For the sake of gender equality I need to add cockjammer, taint-twister, and glanshammer.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Ed Murrow was a pussy. Bill O'Reilly is where journalism is, baby.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I am not sure how this bodes for the next twenty years. Though, I must admit I am curious.

ChillBill September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Some people just don't understand what "Fuck Off" means (my boss, especially).

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

In my field, we do a lot of mitigation, primarily of environmental contamination. Not quite sure how you mitigate an asshole.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

With money.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Listerine enema.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yowser. I am now tingly.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It's not as much fun as it sounds. Try Lavoris the first time around.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Butts are already puckered, wouldn't that be dangerous?

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Butt plug?

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Bleach. Jesus, a lot of it.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm

On both ends, or are they co-located?

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I thought only "gall" came in "unmitigated."

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

WIN

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Didn't Julius Caesar mitigate all of Gall?

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Omnium gallium est divida en tri partes, my dad used to tell me, because they made him memorize Ceasars Commentaries when he was in cat'lic high school. Something like that shit.

jqheywood September 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

In my Latin class, it was "Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres."

#YesImAPedant

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 12:41 am

Aqui en America, we speaka da Spanglish, buddy, and don't you forget it, hombre, O que?

Latinish?! What a snob!

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Lube.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm

It facilitates the rectal cranial merge.

Sassomatic September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

What a nice young man.

randcoolcatdaddy September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Asking someone to comment on findings that they're an unmitigated asshole is something I would expect from reporters covering the Romney campaign.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Sounds a bit Joe Biden-ish to me.

(Love ya, Joe!)

Trannysurprise September 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I saw this episode of VEEP. It was pretty good but needed moar tits.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Brush your hair and put on lip gloss, everyone! The Wonkette comment section made national news!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

You think this is straight outta Compton? Cuz there's no skullfucking…

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Put your lipstick on and make your hair up pretty, come on and meet me tonight in Atlantic City!

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Put on your high heel sneakers! Put your wig-hat on your head!

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Thats Fucking Romance! In New Jersey. Like when he sang (though Tom Waits wrote it):
When i come by to take you out to eat
You're lyin' all dressed up on the bed baby fast asleep
Go in the bathroom and put your makeup on
We're gonna take that little brat of yours and drop her off at your mom's
I know a place where the dancing's free
Now baby won't you come with me
'cause down the shore everything's all right
You and your baby on a saturday night
Nothing matters in this whole wide world
When you're in love with a jersey girl

jqheywood September 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

As the happy husband of a genuine Jersey Girl, I gotta agree with:
Nothing matters in this whole wide world
When you're in love with a jersey girl

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Nice avatar. Touring the Museum Of Ancient And Classical Tukhus?

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I am a Calypigian man, I suppose, as far as that great debate goes.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yes, yes! The Boss was awesome Friday night. Traffic sucked getting there though :|

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I always post in a tux. With no trousers. That's okay, right?

CindynEncinitas September 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Link, please…

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Err, not really… I was kidding. Let's just say that there have been some eh… tense exchanges between some of our fellow Wonkeratti. It may take a bottle of chianti and an early Sunday morning to go back far enough to find our festive and frolicking "fuck-off" fights.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Have we mellowed?

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:00 pm

<alternate1>That depends. Are we… black?

<alternate2>Pshaw. Too close to the election to start flushing our radiators, man. We still have the debates and everything!

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Everybody knows you don't read other people's diaries.

EatsBabyDingos September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

So if your are only 95% dick, does that make you a mitigated asshole?

James Michael Curley September 25, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Another international incident escalates beyond all hope and control due to the inability to place smiley face emoticons on a Blackberry.

RaflcaFlkaFlame September 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Live fast, die young bad guys do it well

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

This is my favoritist episode of My Little Pony EVAH!!!

SorosBot September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

So wait, does Pinkie Pie have a "Fuck off" song?

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Yup, it's my ringtone when you call me

HELisforHEL September 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIY41LrvMFQ

I always love an opportunity to post this again.

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

This must be from that Huma Abedin infiltration. Everyone's on edge.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Wikipedia says that Philippe Reines isn't just a press aide. He's the Deputy Assistant Secretary of State and a native of NYC, something we could have guessed given his choice of words.

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm

And the fact that is name is Philippe Reines (OK, New Orleans might spawn one of those, too).

Chow Yun Flat September 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm

They missed, "You aren't the boss of me" and "you suck, dude".

Not by much, though.

CindynEncinitas September 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Because they skipped to "My dad can beat up your dad."

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm

if this is what 'apologizing for america' looks like, i'd hate to be iran.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Only because none of our Farsi language experts know how to transcribe "Your face and beard look like vagina dentata" in emails to Ahmadinejad.

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

You know who else an official investigation by the Department of the Defense as reported by The Army Times ,The Washington Post concluded beyond a doubt was an unmitigated asshole?

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Patton?

Native_of_SL_UT September 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Rumsfeld?

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Colin Powell?

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm

McCain? No, that was a "cunt".

sewollef September 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

There ya go again, cursing like a sailor.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

General Stanley McChrystal?
http://wonkette.com/416214/liveblogging-barack-ob

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:50 pm

General MacArthur?

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 3:30 pm

also: can we turn this guy on little lord ryan while he's still pissed?

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Hastings starts right out being a giant-size douchebag deluxe with douchecream on top, so fuck him and good for this Reince Priebus guy or whatever, for telling him to go and fuck on off.

HempDogbane September 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I would award them both 137p.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Though it is difficult to dance to.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:50 pm

It's a syncopated p.

Mojopo September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Well of course I saw Andy's 360 Deflect-o-rama segment last night…

I'm with Reines. In America we should be allowed to tell assholes to fuck off, as needed.

chicken_thief September 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Reines wouldn't talk like that, even in messages, to Paul Ryan. Because P90X, motherfuckers!!!!

Chuck Norris wouldn't even talk to Ryan like that. Because, well, in real life, Chuck is a pussy.

skmind September 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I’ll take that as a non-denial denial.

That is a come on if ever there was one. I'll take that is our first clue

Sharkey September 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Just think of the fun David Thorne could have with this guy. Actually, probably both guys!

Designer_Rants September 25, 2012 at 9:30 pm

That site is truly LOL funny. I liked his Oprah interview, also too.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Somehow, I miss the tenderness of "Kiss my ass! This is a holy site!"

ElPinche September 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

hahaha

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room!

mrblifil September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

People obsessed with getting the last word make me sad.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm

That's what you say.

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I'd usually say "Yes, Dear". (In a tone and delivery that said neither Yes, nor Dear).

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm

They make the internet go round.

HELisforHEL September 25, 2012 at 4:41 pm

You've apparently met my mother and one of my managers here at the cube farm of depression that I'm indentured to.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:52 pm
TavariousChinaSmith September 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Good day, sir! (And by "Good day, sir!" I mean that your mother should maybe take out her dentures next time she blows me.)

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I was wondering what happened to "yo mama is so fat …," but I see it's been upgraded. Or maybe that would be downgraded.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

So Michael Hastings position is that the State Department's number one priority should not have been concern for the families of the victims, respect for the dead, planning to recover from a serious loss, or searching for the perpetrators of the attack, but searching for personal items in the wreckage?

I'm with Phillipe: Fuck you, Michael.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I am restless today, searching for an avatar that is just right, just the right height, like the trees in Michigan. I am gonna let the Venus Calypigos stand in for a little while, thats something like what I am thinking of, its close.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That's a mighty white ass you got there, my dear. She seems to have forgotten her magic underpants.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Take her back to Wondaland! I think she left her underpants.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WahYFs708U&fe

TavariousChinaSmith September 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Hallelujah!

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

This is your land! This is my land!

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

She seems to have forgotten ALL of her underpants, under that white dress.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

She must be some kind of floozy. White dresses are hard to find the right under-accessories for though, the poor thing.

KeepFnThatChicken September 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Nice ass. From a holy place!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

It's super small on my phone, but I keep seeing naked parts and I approve.

Antispandex September 25, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Worst porno ever.

barto September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

An exchange worthy of Jane Austen, I'd say!

OneYieldRegular September 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Please, oh, please, can we give Jay Carney's job to Phillipe Reines?

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 12:48 am

Best. Idea. Evah.

alzronnie September 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm

This is news? You'd think that when someone did NOT tell a Buzzfeed hack to fuck off–that would be news.

CommieDad September 25, 2012 at 4:15 pm

After reading the whole think on Buzzkills site, I gotta say, Fuck You Mr. Hastings. Next time we pull all American Government officials out of a country, we'll send you in with a sign around your neck that says, ['[REMOVED BY SITE ADMINS TO PREVENT RIOTING BY MUSLIM EXTREMISTS]]. That'll mitigate your ass.

RufusTFirefly September 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm

This is what diplomats call a "frank exchange of views."

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Not to be confused with "frank exchange of bodily fluids."

RufusTFirefly September 26, 2012 at 1:07 am

Or as I call it, "make up sex."

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

OT But one ,oddly named ,McKay Coppins from Buzzfeed was particularly snippy to me on Twitter today. I was expressing my disgust at his constant ass-licking of Mitt and this is how it proceded.

‏@Limeylizzie
Is @mckaycoppins trying to get the Press Sec gig for "President" Romney? I know he is also LDS but he is so biased as to be irrelevant now.
Expand
Reply Delete Favorite
6h McKay Coppins ‏@mckaycoppins
@Limeylizzie I will miss your thousands of breathless Obamabot tweets in my @ feed when you stop following me!
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10:46 AM – 25 Sep 12 · Details

Designer_Rants September 25, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Harrumph! That's sassy Mormonizin' there.

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I was stunned why he would even bother to respond and then to be so snippy, I must have hit a nerve.

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 12:50 am

Nobody messes with our Lizzie. I tell you, if I tweeted, I'd give that idiot a proper what for. Why I never.

RufusTFirefly September 26, 2012 at 1:04 am

This is why it was all downhill after Morse Code.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

"I just stole your social security number and credit card information. Would you care to comment on the scandalous negligence of your security measures for tomorrow's edition of 'Fraudulent Times'?"

prommie September 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

True fact: The Federal Trade Commission regulary employs hackers to hack into online merchants' websites and steal customer credit card information, and then fines said merchants hundreds of thousands of dollars for being so outrageously negligent as to allow the Federal Trade Commission to hack into their systems. Let this be the one and only time I bore the Wonkette community by talking about the actual subject of what I seem to be doing for a living.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Oh snap, more things I learned while finger-punching the search box to get the name of the General Hopey fired!! Michael Hastings actually wrote the Rolling Stone article that got McChrystal fired! Subplots within subplots, man!!
http://wonkette.com/416352/four-star-general-lara

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

This is some of that snappy Sorkin dialog, right?

docterry6973 September 25, 2012 at 6:11 pm

So long Reines, and thanks for playing. Any you'll enjoy playing the home version of 'Deputy Assistant Secretary of State'. Give him a hand, folks.

valthemus September 25, 2012 at 10:53 pm

It's like the first act of a Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn romcom if Hepburn were a guy and you could use words like "fuck" in movies in the 1940s.

nowave September 25, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Today, we are all Philippe Reines.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 11:07 pm

So, isn't the State Department supposed to practice, you know, diplomacy? I mean, shit, that sounds like an exchange I would be in the middle of.

Negropolis September 26, 2012 at 12:20 am

To be fair, Michael Hastings is a total dick who is also quite brilliant and necessary. On this issue, Hastings is back to being his dickish self, and it doesn't work. CNN should be ashmed of itself, and they wonder why their sorry, passive-aggressive asses are in last place.

Let's just say that it doesn't surprise me that someone like Michael would end up at Buzzfeed. I saw him in some late-night interview, and he has this whole too-cool-for-school irreverent vibe which is great in small doses, but it's his whole schtick. While I think the media gives too much deference to authority, he's on the complete other end where he thinks its part of his job to be purposefully disagreeable and dickish with the people he writes about.

Yeah, Michael, you're such a bad-ass. *eyeroll* I'm glad you got McChrystal, but you're still an unmitigated asshole.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"Yea? Well, you and what fucking army?"

Chichikovovich September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Though you have to be careful with that one. High officials in the State Department often have a compelling rejoinder.

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm

"The fucking army that boned your mom last night!"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"I'd have been your dad but the dalmatian beat me up the stairs!"

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

"Oh yeah? Well that neutered dog has more fucking balls than you do, anyway!"

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

(Don't stop 'em now, they're on a roll.)

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"That's probably why your Mom liked it so much she asked for seconds!"

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"And I bet you're jealous, ain'tcha?"

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"Nah! I was holding ticket number 13"

SpeedoFart September 25, 2012 at 4:08 pm

"Fuck you, asshole! My mama wouldn't fuck you if you were the last dickless wonder on Earth!"

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Unos! Dos! Tres! Catorce!

Doktor Zoom September 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

Wow, thanks! I made the addition mostly because I thought it was pretty cool information–and in fact, it actually reminded me that I knew something about this guy, gave me context that shifted my opinion of him just a little. It also added to the overall impression of who Philippe Reines is — not just a government functionary who fired back to unwanted questions in an uncharacteristically blunt manner, but a government functionary with a bit of a history of doing so. (see also yesterday's Dana Milbank column) And really, it is the sort of connection that we try to build in when we can — routine for prominent news figures, more haphazard for deputy assistant secretaries of cabinet departments.

I suppose my commenter-to-contributor status may have something to do with it, too, since, hey, I actually do have access to the "update" button, and I know that it's fun for us commenters to get an acknowledgement in the OP. As you note, there's a risk of endless tinkering, but probably not too much of a risk, since oh-my-god-I've-got-two-more-drafts-to work-on pressures pretty much preclude endless revisions. Most elaborations and extensions on a piece work best in the comments. And as I mentioned in one of the comments for the most recent Sunday-textbook thing, there's sometimes too much stuff in the OP, and as a chatty person I like being able to add more info in the comments.

In any case, thanks for the compliment and for giving me a chance to think about how all this stuff works. We at Wonkette make our shit sandwiches from the finest ingredients! (Soylent Green is commenters!)

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