Todd Akin Explains Inner Workings of Democracy In Language You Can Understand

  how a bill becomes a law

Here is a pressing question that might be keeping you up nights, particularly if you live in whatever district in Missouri Todd Akin (R-Ladiesman) represents: What if you want to tell Todd Akin how much he sucks? How do you know he will listen to you and absorb what is sure to be thoughtful and nuanced commentary about how much he sucks? Well, your Wonkette is here to help! It’s very easy to get in touch with Todd Akin and tell him how much he sucks, you just write a check, preferably for a “substantial amount,” and this will get his attention. Here, watch him explain to you in this video about how you get your Congressman’s attention (hint: send him muneez.)

It starts when an unsuspecting man asks him the best way to get in touch with him, innocently asking “should we write a letter?” No, dummy, you should not write a letter, unless the letter is a picture of Ben Franklin.

AKIN: I’m in a three-way primary for the US Senate. I’ve gone to people and asked for their support, their help, or their endorsement, and some people say yes. They write me a decent check. I remember that. The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. You remember who’s helping you. That’s one way that people get to know congressmen and senators.

ONE way. He won’t tell you what the other ways are.

 
Related video

[ThinkProgress]

Related

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

110 comments

    1. weejee

      Can we make comb-overs a hanging offense? Don't much like capital punishment, but for some offenses I could make an exception.

      / buffs his bald pate

      1. emmelemm

        Joke my junior high school friend told in front of my mom's boyfriend (with a serious comb-over):

        Q: What do you call a line of rabbits running backward?

        A: A receding hare-line.

      2. mrpuma2u

        How can you trust anyone that does a comb-over? They are clearly lying to themselves (poorly) and expect everyone else to believe that bullshit too. It's a sad cry for help if you ask me.

    1. Mahousu

      Except he won't recognize your face later.

      You'd have to drop trou, and then, well, illegitimate things would happen …

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Only if it's a legitimate rape of democracy.

      If democracy enjoyed it, or was wearing something kinda sexy, all bets are off.

  1. Oblios_Cap

    I’ve gone to people and asked for their support, their help, or their endorsement, and some people say yes. They write me a decent check. I remember that.

    Nary a "quid-pro-quo" in sight for this one. Nosiree, Bob.

    1. mrpuma2u

      So, if I write him an obscene check (like draw an anatomically accurate penis, or say, a rape scene in the memo section) but the check is for a couple grand, do you think this whore would cash it? I bet he would.

  2. Lascauxcaveman

    [facepalm]

    AKIN! You're not supposed to come right out and say that you're a corrupt corporate whore, selling your vote to the highest bidder! You're only supposed to hint at it!

      1. CindynEncinitas

        The Dukester! Thoughts of him and B1 Bob Dornan just make me misty-eyed! Sweet nostalgia. How I long for a simpler time when disgusting assholes like these guys were the toast of Washington! They could get things done back then, you know, for their "friends" for, you know, a nice boat ride or some sack-crete for their back yard "artistic" and "religious" efforts…

  3. Sassomatic

    Maybe you write me a check maybe you don't. It's up to you, you know what I'm sayin'. This little business you got here, maybe it's be here tomorrow maybe it ain't. All I know is I take care of my friends, and people who write checks, those are my friends. People who don't write checks, things could happen to them, you know what I'm sayin'.

  4. ChrisM2011

    "The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. And I think about that. And I let it fester…. Before you know it, I'm buying rope and formaldehyde…"

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "They write me a decent check. I remember that."

    And what if you get Alzheimer's? How are you going to remember then?

  6. Fairtackle

    I guess he should be commended for being a person who honestly says what he thinks? Too bad what goes on in that wrinkly cracker head is so awful.

  7. SpeedoFart

    I'm seriously starting to think that the Republican party is punking the entire country. No one can be this stupid.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      My thoughts for the last couple of weeks have been that they don't want to win this one. At all. Lose the House and everything. The plan being that there's a major economy-fucking event waiting to be unleashed and they want to blame it completely on the Dems, leading to a Thousand-Year Reich Republican Majority.

      Call me wacky, but hey, is there a better explanation for this tsunami of cluelessness washing ashore?

      1. CindynEncinitas

        So you think Mittens lamenting all the stuck windows on airplanes is actually a clever plan to throw the election? I think what's left of the GOP really is this bad. The moderates and real statesmen bailed about 6 years ago because they saw this coming. So now, just when you think they can't go any lower, they punch through the floor because they really are a bunch of clueless, power-mad fucktards.

  8. AlaskaGrrl

    So he is saying that he is basically for sale and with an implied threat if you didn't send him money cuz' he will remember forever. In other words, he's come out as a vindictive whore. Yeah, totally qualified for the Senate.

  9. BlueStateLibel

    "They write me a decent check. I remember that." There's a word for this, it's called *bribery*, and dipshit openly admits it.

  10. MaxNeanderthal

    I don't think I've ever been given an INdecent check… (Well, not one that didn't bounce into low earth orbit….)

  11. MiniMencken

    He remembers! Uncle Joe was also really good at 'membering — and dismembering. Ditto Rafael Trujillo. Great to hear some of that real straight talk that McCain kept promising.

  12. actor212

    You remember who’s helping you. That’s one way that people get to know congressmen and senators.

    Nice Senate you got there. Be a shame someone messed it up.

  13. fuflans

    They write me a decent check. I remember that. The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. You remember who’s helping you…

    HAHAHAHAHAHHA dude thinks he matters!!

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I'm sure there are people who used to support him now that are just QUIVERING in fear of what will happen when he becomes Supreme Commander of the World.

  14. anniegetyerfun

    Apparently, my browser decided to shut this whole thing down, because I can't get any audio. I'm grateful, really.

  15. anniegetyerfun

    Gingrich was stumping for Akin yesterday, their horrid troll faces breaking camera lenses left and right. Once Gingrich is on your side, you know you've lost.

  16. Chichikovovich

    The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that.

    Anyone who would ever, for one second, have acted in a way that led Akin to him/her as a friend deserves everything he/she gets.

  17. Terry

    Darn it! Who knew that School House Rock was misleading us all those years ago as to how laws are made. They totally missed the part about buying influence.

  18. Dudleydidwrong

    Get that cocksucker a brass pole and a G-string and let him dance at your next party. He'll remember who stuffed the Benjamins and big checks into his, uh, deposit box. That is,if you could stand to get that close to the slimy politico-whore. And I am sorry I don't mean to insult whores by associating them with him.

  19. chascates

    Look, if a two or three hundred Wonketters will pitch in $25 each I bet we could get Akin to sit down with us. And drink the LSD-spiked glass of iced tea I will be giving him.

  20. CivicHoliday

    I am ashamed to admit that I'm in Akin's congressional district. And I have never ever ever gotten anything other than a form letter from his office detailing the myriad of ways he disagrees with my position on the issue that I called/wrote/emailed him about. Perhaps next time I will staple a check to the top of my letter and simply write "fuck you you moneygrubbing microcephaly cunt"

  21. Negropolis

    No, dummy, you should not write a letter, unless the letter is a picture of Ben Franklin.

    I draw pretty well, so maybe I'll do just that. Wouldn't it be awesome if he got a few dozen drawings of Benjamin Franklin from Wonketters…?

    Yes, congressmen remember who greases their palms. They also remember the people who sent them money.

Comments are closed.