Watch Out, America: Handsome Joe Biden Wants To Snuggle You

  sometimes when we touch

Your personal space is his personal space, babyGuys, Wonkette’s Los Angeles-based Editrix is probably still asleep at this early hour, so we’ll just take this opportunity to discuss a story that may produce some mixed emotions for her. We mean, on the one hand, who doesn’t love hundreds of words in the paper of record about Old Handsome Joe Biden all getting into your personal space and laying his gentle, friendly hands on you? But on the other, with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this: “Outside the Airport Diner here on Saturday, Mr. Biden shook Samantha Mullin’s hand while stroking her left forearm. He placed a hand on one shoulder. He put his other hand on her other shoulder. As he looked into her eyes, he touched her cheek.” Yowza! HOTTT!

So, yes, the New York Times has a whole article about Joe Biden just stone cold hugging ladies and makin’ ’em swoon on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. Too bad Hail to the Slash is only for same-sex presidential erotica, or else prose like this would beat out any of the fictional entries:

Mr. Biden is a touch person, draping arms around people’s shoulders to pose for a picture and then keeping them draped while continuing to chat. At a high school in New Hampshire on Friday, he fielded a question from a history teacher, Kayleigh Durkin, 26, by extending a hand to draw her into the center of a circle of students with him. While he spoke, he continued to hold her hand, as though they were a high school couple going steady.

Did it feel awkward? “No, I was so excited,” Ms. Durkin said later. “I love him.”

Later, another lady says that her close encounter with the Vice President was “out of my comfort zone but not uncomfortable,” which is pretty much a sentence you expect to read in a paragraph that begins “Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this would happen to me…”

At another New Hampshire campaign stop, Biden extolled the virtue of college cheerleaders … as athletes, you guys. “They’re almost all gymnasts. The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind, thinking, you know, they’re up there without a net. You know?” WE KNOW, JOE. [NYT/ABC]

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Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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