sometimes when we touch

Watch Out, America: Handsome Joe Biden Wants To Snuggle You

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Your personal space is his personal space, babyGuys, Wonkette’s Los Angeles-based Editrix is probably still asleep at this early hour, so we’ll just take this opportunity to discuss a story that may produce some mixed emotions for her. We mean, on the one hand, who doesn’t love hundreds of words in the paper of record about Old Handsome Joe Biden all getting into your personal space and laying his gentle, friendly hands on you? But on the other, with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this: “Outside the Airport Diner here on Saturday, Mr. Biden shook Samantha Mullin’s hand while stroking her left forearm. He placed a hand on one shoulder. He put his other hand on her other shoulder. As he looked into her eyes, he touched her cheek.” Yowza! HOTTT!

So, yes, the New York Times has a whole article about Joe Biden just stone cold hugging ladies and makin’ ’em swoon on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. Too bad Hail to the Slash is only for same-sex presidential erotica, or else prose like this would beat out any of the fictional entries:

Mr. Biden is a touch person, draping arms around people’s shoulders to pose for a picture and then keeping them draped while continuing to chat. At a high school in New Hampshire on Friday, he fielded a question from a history teacher, Kayleigh Durkin, 26, by extending a hand to draw her into the center of a circle of students with him. While he spoke, he continued to hold her hand, as though they were a high school couple going steady.

Did it feel awkward? “No, I was so excited,” Ms. Durkin said later. “I love him.”

Later, another lady says that her close encounter with the Vice President was “out of my comfort zone but not uncomfortable,” which is pretty much a sentence you expect to read in a paragraph that begins “Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this would happen to me…”

At another New Hampshire campaign stop, Biden extolled the virtue of college cheerleaders … as athletes, you guys. “They’re almost all gymnasts. The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind, thinking, you know, they’re up there without a net. You know?” WE KNOW, JOE. [NYT/ABC]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "out of my comfort zone but not uncomfortable"

    As a shy person, I feel this way a lot.

    • Terry

      I balance you out. If I have a mixed drink, I start hugging everyone in sight.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Buy you a drink?

        • BadKitty904

          (You scamp!)

        • Terry

          The sun isn't yet over the yardarm. After that, we can talk.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Yea, sorry about the yardarm. I'm a bit excitable today.

          • memzilla

            This just in: Science Invents Portable Yardarms!

      • tessiee

        "If I have a mixed drink, I start hugging everyone in sight."

        I think you may be drinking Love Potion # 9.

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      I'm not hearing a no…?

    • Limeylizzie

      I am one of the world's great huggers, so look out there, my friend!

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Okay, it's a deal. When I meet you I will tell Mr. Sulu to lower the shields. Actually, I work overtime to be "outgoing" but then I have to "warren up".

        However, one Vodka/Seven and I am good to go. Grin.

    • TootsStansbury

      Fellow shy person here. But unka Joe? I'd go all googoo eyed.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I have gotten to the point where I hardly ever freak out when people try to hug me.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So you don't start reciting "Who's On First?" any longer?

      • FakaktaSouth

        I USED to be a big hugger, back when guys would hug me on purpose for the "boob smash" of it all – now that I am older and haven't had NEAR enough hugs in the last few months, I am alllllll about some smashing. SO watch out!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'd smash you like a wrecking ball

          • prommie

            Not everything is about you. Read it again, closer.

        • prommie

          How many months? I come up with a different count.

          • FakaktaSouth

            49 long long long long days.

          • prommie

            like years, those days

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Dog the Bounty Hunter is going to be pissed that Joe Biden is all up on his wife.

    But ya gotta love ol' Joe. He seems like a really swell guy.

    • eggsacklywright

      Dog is a special kind of creepy. Can't-look-at-it creepy.

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      He'll take the white trash she-beast so we don't have to!

    • Nowisallthereis

      That's Dog's wife 200 pounds ago.

  • GhostBuggy

    Holy shit, this guy is the best.

    • Terry

      He's old as dirt and still charmin' the ladies.

      • BadKitty904

        Hittin' on the electorate!

        • Terry

          Delivering votes, one at a time

          • An Asexual Ungulate

            With his penis.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Pandering to the erectorate.

          • tessiee

            New slogan:

            "Let's put the Erection back in the Election"

    • BadKitty904

      I swear, Handsome Joe must move about accompanied by his own, personal, 24/7 soundtrack of Barry White tunes…

      • Limeylizzie

        Winning the thread right there!

      • BerkeleyBear

        Somehow, he's Clinton without the overt hound dog. It's that smile that seems genuine, but buried in the twinkle of the eye is just the slightest hint of a troublemaker ready and willing to do anything. Well, that and the actual ability to make people think he gives a shit about them.

        • prommie

          Now you are describing me. . . .

          • Boojum

            WITHOUT the hound dog…

      • tessiee

        See, now I woulda thought that the Barry White was for Barry.
        Joe's soundtrack would be more like this (especially in the above picture):
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_qHU_6Ofc0

        As a speshul bonus, the musicians are led by the non-assy Joe Walsh.

  • eggsacklywright

    Maybe Mittz has Biden envy?

    • Terry

      Mittens is also probably envious that Biden has the confidence to laugh it off when he misspeaks.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        It's easier to laugh off harmless mistakes than expressions of your deep and vehement misanthropy.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          This^.

        • sullivanst

          This is why the political definition of "gaffe" is to say what you actually mean, when you didn't intend to. Biden literally doesn't do that.

        • Gleem McShineys

          POSSIBLE RESPONSE:
          YES/NO
          OR WHAT?
          GO AWAY
          I AM ALSO UNEMPLOYED
          CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPE TOO
          FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hey man, the Dude a-Biden!

  • freakishlywrong

    As cool as Jill is, (and she is), she is not above cutting a bitch.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Damn! Too fast for me!

  • Beowoof

    Out banging for votes. Work it Joe, work it.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Obama is to Spock, Biden is to Kirk.

    I hope that Biden never rips his shirt in the debate with Ryan.

    • Terry

      Jaysus, isn't this the truth. Would that make Paul Ryan a gorn?

      • GhostBuggy

        I think Mitt is Apollo, angry that nobody wants to worship him.

        • Terry

          I'm just glad he's not Khan.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Not enough spray tan.

          • PennyDreadful

            One word: Univision.

          • Gleem McShineys

            Well, hmm… Khan's ear-worm bugs would go a long way to explain teatards.

    • freakishlywrong

      My favorite ep: The Trouble with Teatards

      • Terry

        They're eating up all the quadratritcale!

        • MacRaith

          Hell, they don't even belive in quadrotriticale!

          • tessiee

            "quadrotriticale"

            ??
            What, there was an episode where they all went to the health food store?

          • insidebeltway

            Tribbles

          • viennawoods13

            Who put the tribbles in the quadrotriticale?

          • bobbert

            Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

    • ThundercatHo

      I'm picturing a Borg cube with Rmoney toothpaste swooshes on the side. The Enterprise just has the O-logo all over the saucer section.

    • http://wonkette.com John Birf Society

      I bid 2000 quatloos for Biden!

    • BerkeleyBear

      Except in this alt-universe, Spock is in touch enough with his human side to swag like a gangsta. Sort of like if Spock thoughout the series was more like the dude in Star Trek IV and even the recent reboot than the original version. Because Kirk may get the casual green female, but Spock nailing Uhura – that's winning.

    • tessiee

      "I hope that Biden never rips his shirt in the debate with Ryan."

      Killjoy.

  • Barbara_

    I'm going to get one of the secret service dudes to pass Joe a note from me after Socialists Studies class. I hope he checks the "yes" box. (fingers crossed)

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Barb, are you impressed by Joe's Trans Am? Powerful.

      • Barbara_

        I just love me some Joe, gaffs and all.

        • Terry

          …and that he enjoys The Onion's articles about him makes it all the better.

    • Isyaignert

      "…Socialists Studies…" good one!

  • Terry

    I love Joe. I'd hold hands with him with no second thoughts, although my mother would probably beat me to it.

    Imagine those situations with Romney. Awkward!

    • sullivanst

      More awkward still when he jumps like you just goosed him.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    He'd better watch it. Dr. Jill will cut a bitch if needs be.

  • ph7

    My nephew is a Biden intern whose sole job is to collect panties off the hustings after campaign stops.

    • Terry

      Your nephew could pay his tuition selling those online to Japanese businessmen.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Well, he's not an advance man, so I guess this makes him a posterior aide?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Secretary of the interior.

        ( stolen from MASH)

    • Steverino247

      And they're going to make a quilt out of them?

    • tessiee

      You misspelled "hussies".

  • freakishlywrong

    I need to get my hands on handsome Joe's schedule. I could use a little healing touch right about now.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Joe be STROKIN'!
    He strokes it to the east, strokes it to the west,
    strokes is to the women that he loves the best.

    • mrpuma2u

      Joe is putting it all out there. He said cheerleader and hardwood in one statement.

      It ain't no mosquito, Joe's libido.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And threw in a "blows" for good measure:

        The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind

        This is a *lot* sexier than the Republican dog-whistle stuff we hear all the time.

        • mrpuma2u

          Agreed, the fap factor here is most excellent.

    • ttommyunger

      Strokes it to the North,
      Strokes it to the South,
      He even strokes it with his…..

    • tessiee

      My entirely awesome ex-boss was also an ex-DJ, and incredibly knowledgeable about all kinds of music, which made for great conversations:
      Boss: Do you know, "I stroke it to the east, I stroke it to the west"?
      Me: I hope to GOD that you're referring to the Clarence Carter song!

    • doloras

      You're strokin' it, Joe Biden
      But you're strokin' too darn fast
      And if my stuff ain't tight enough
      You can stroke it in my…
      STROKIN'!

  • JackDempsey1

    It's like "Wedding Crashers," and we're all ugly bridesmaids to Joe.

    • tessiee

      In all fairness, EVERYBODY looks ugly in a kelly green taffeta bridesmaid's dress.

  • eggsacklywright

    Give 'em the vapors, Joe.

  • Goonemeritus

    If you can hear me scream “get off of my lawn” you are in my personal space. I do admire the ability to make personal connections in other people, I don’t understand it but I admire it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know what Joe likes about high school girls? No matter how old he gets, they stay the same age.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      So the Veep and I have something in common!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      When I first saw that movie.. I did not even recognize McConaughey, he was so slick. The hairdo and sleazey demeanor totally threw me.

    • emmelemm

      All right all right all right…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Yowza! HOTTT!"
    I thought the proper spelling was "hawt." You kids these days, I swear.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Just when you think you got a handle on things, they go and change them around on you

  • MistaEko

    "….keep going."
    – Ken Starr

  • Baconzgood

    “No, I was so excited,” Ms. Durkin said later. “I love him.”

    She did it with this face.
    http://ryanseacrest.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/0

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind,"

    Hard wood. Heh heh.

    • BlueStateLibel

      He is just playing with us now.

    • rickmaci

      ISWHDT. LMFAO.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Your move Paul Ryan. Your fans are a waitin' with the great expectations.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    50 Shades Of Veep

    “His body language — facing me with both hands on my shoulders, standing face to face only about an inch and a half away from mine and unrelenting eye contact — combined with the genuine sincerity of his words” were what “brought tears to my eyes,” Ms. Funk said in an e-mail message.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      good god. is that really the level of writing in that thing?

      • Stevola

        Picture the same cliche used four times in the space of three pages. Then a different cliche, four times over the next three pages. Repeat throughout three books.

        Yeah, I read that crap.

        • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

          makes me long for dan brown.

        • BerkeleyBear

          So did my wife – after which her left handed compliment to me was that my self-published young adult novel was better written. Which I don't doubt. Then again, I get the impression most Chinese take-out restaurant menus are better written, so it wasn't all that much of a compliment.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        That quote is from the NYT article.

  • Zepster

    What would Mitt's comfort zone be?

    • BadKitty904

      Utah?

    • eggsacklywright

      A zone-locus buffer region with discomfort increasing to asymptote as units/objects approach.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        But what is the factor?

        • eggsacklywright

          Now you've gone right over my head. What's the vector, Victor?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      International waters.

      • eggsacklywright

        He touched me in my Caribbean area.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          He was aiming for the Netherland Antilles.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Mars.

    • WIDTAP

      Somewhere near where the Curiosity probe is now.

      • tessiee

        Is that a euphemism for "up a Koch brother's ass"? Because all the Republicans are comfortable there.

    • ph7

      It's here.

    • Toomush_Infer

      His jeans aren't comfortable with him….

    • Guppy

      His accountant's office.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Quiet rooms?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Quiet rooms where Mitt is the only speaker, with $25000-a-plate sauted chicken breasts in mushroom sauce. Those are Mitt's people.

        (Especially the $25000 part.)

    • DCBloom

      Meh-he-co

    • tessiee

      Within the heavily fortified, death-ray-topped walls surrounding a castle on top of a skull-shaped mountain?

      By the way, if you're in search of a personal description, allow me to suggest, "Upfist my comment, or the dog gets it".

    • Gleem McShineys

      120 VAC

    • mbobier

      About 15 yards, I should think.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Joey and Kayleigh, sittin' in a tree…

  • Ruhe

    Never too old to put on a slow show for the ladies…and meanwhile Mitt is just looking for a place to not be nervous and not be thinking about his dick.

  • UW8316154

    Now *this* is a story I can fap to!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    “They’re almost all gymnasts. The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind, thinking, you know, they’re up there without a net. You know?”

    Boy, talk about dogwhistles…

    • BadKitty904

      Hubba, hubba!

  • eggsacklywright

    Jill's a hottie.

    Ann Egg is haughty.

  • Schmannnity

    The first Vice President whose campaign theme song is Bow Chicka Wow Wow.

  • Pragmatist2

    50 Shades of Heyyyy!

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Grey works also, too.

    • prommie

      Then Joe said "how YOU doing?"

  • Lot_49

    Joe puts the "vice" in "vice president."

  • no_gravity

    I'm pissed. I had a ticket to see Handsome Joe when he was going to crash the RNC in Tampa but he cancelled his appearance because of the Not a Hurricane Isaac.

  • Lot_49

    Uh, he did, in 1998. There was the little matter of a speech plagiarized from Brit Labor Party guy Neil Kinnoch, thus giving us the Dukakis candidacy. Also ran again in '08.

    Almost forgot the second one–found it when I had to look up the first.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      How could you forget "clean and articulate"?! (It is evidence of the Biden Disarmament Field that nobody really got mad about that.)

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Frequently, Handsome Joe will then have sexytime with a seagull, because one good tern deserves another.

    • eggsacklywright

      But he'd never crow about it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You ought to see him on a crested tit

      • eggsacklywright

        In a Firebird, no less.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Goose is his favorite…

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Cardinal sin!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Talk about a poppin Jay.

    • mrpuma2u

      He is a rooster shakin' a tail feather fo sho!!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    He did, twice.

  • Limeylizzie

    I adore this man, just adore him, we are so lucky to have him as VP, I know if he did that to me I would be unable to stop it right there, I would be all over him.

    • Terry

      I'd turn bright red and start giggling.

      • Limeylizzie

        I have a feeling he would turn on my sexy switch.

        • Fuck Toad

          You best be careful. Jill looks like she could wreck a lady.

  • BadKitty904

    Dang. If I'da been old enuff, *I* woulda voted for 'im…

  • Limeylizzie

    This, also.

    As Mr. Biden worked his way around the Acoustic Café in Eau Claire, Wis., this month, he snatched crackers and other tidbits off diners’ plates. Posing for a picture with his arms around two women, he glanced back at a group of men and said, “Hard work, guys.”

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Apparently, he'd crack snatches, too…

    • BadKitty904

      He's just a love machine…

      • Limeylizzie

        Well, Jill was all giddy thinking about him doing the love-act the other day, so I assume you are correct.

    • DahBoner

      Hard work or workin' hard?

    • tessiee

      Compare and contrast with the two spoiled rich kid Republican assholes who whined, "It's HARD!"

      [E*g and B*sh]

  • ThundercatHo

    Instead of asking for money for a chance to win dinner with the Prez the Obama campaign should be selling raffle tickets for a chance to have a ride with Joe in his Trans Am. Bitchin'!!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Highway wonderland.

  • BarackMyWorld

    If he doesn't run in 2016, he certainly has a future as a Viagra spokesman.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Will he whisper sweet nothings in my ear under the moonlight?

  • mavenmaven

    I hope women throw panties during the debate!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      On the left, a hundred thongs, two dozen G strings, a set of pasties and 45 bikinis.

      On the right, a single pair of Egg's magic Granny panties.

      • BadKitty904

        OK, ew…

    • Doktor Zoom

      I was astonished to learn on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me that after a single woman at a New York show threw her panties at Tom Jones, his publicist, Jay Bernstein, started paying women at Jones' Las Vegas shows to do the same.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Yes, believe it or not, the manager was worried that the shows would flop. After a woman at the Copa (where else?) handed her panties to one of his flunkies to give to him (instead of the traditional "phone number on a cocktail napkin") the publicist had what ended up being a brilliant idea.

    • TootsStansbury

      This would be so full of win.

  • Lot_49

    Sexy Joe is great, but we could use more Cujo Joe as well, goin after Mitt and the Ryanator.

  • Doktor Zoom

    You see, this just demonstrates the utter moral bankruptcy of the liberal media. Why isn't Joe Biden being prosecuted for sexual harassment? If Mitch McConnell was going around pawing women like this, you hypocrites would be calling him a monster.

    /breitbart

    • LibertyLover

      Frankly, I would be surprised if any woman would let Mitch McConnell paw them. 10 foot pole, duh.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Biden Harassment: "You want a future, don't you? Pull the lever!"

    • MissTaken

      Wouldn't get pawed by a geriatric turtle count as bestiality, not sexual harassment?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH

    Thanks for the earworm, you bastard.

    • viennawoods13

      Well, I've been getting tired of Freebird, so time for a change.

  • LibertyLover

    There are letters in Penthouse?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, under "Friction".

      • LibertyLover

        Oh you're such a tease. ;-)

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Mostly consisting of T & A, but topped with a generous spread of V.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Marvin Gaye just called Joe, wants his song back: "I didn't mean it to be political"….

  • prommie

    Like that drunken uncle who winds up hitting on your girlfriend after Thanksgiving dinner. Thats Old Handsome Joe; America's pervy uncle!

    • FakaktaSouth

      This is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Unless you have an uncle like Joe for reals. In that case, oh yeah, Thanksgiving with the fam – I'm wearing something slutty.

      • prommie

        Bring it.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Oh, to be 12 years younger, and scandalizing the other side in the flame war with the news that their greatest antagonists are now having coffee together on the back porch…

      • tessiee

        I have two *actual* Uncle Joes, which kept me from commenting in this thread, "I love me some Uncle Joe".

        Also, I still have to sit at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Let's hope you are sowing the seeds of Socialism as long as you are there.

    • Boojum

      Yeah, but unlike your pervy uncle, your girlfriend leaves with Handsome Old Joe.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    This will be the next steamy Harlequin Romance: Taken by the Vice President.

    • BadKitty904

      Subtitle: My Executive Mandate

    • eggsacklywright

      Veep me baby, veep me all night long….

  • johnnymeatworth

    This just in, Joe Biden's favorite movie is the Cinemax late night classic "Private Lessons…."

  • ChrisM2011

    He's just filling the void left by Isaac Hayes…

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You say this cat Joe is a bad mutha–

      • BadKitty904

        Shut yo' mouth!

        • anniegetyerfun

          But I'm talkin' 'bout Joe

          • BadKitty904

            Then we can dig it!

    • doloras

      Nah, we're not ready for a Scientologist VP.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Giovanni Ribisi 2020.

  • Guppy

    They don't really make politicians like that any more, do they?

    • BadKitty904

      Yah, back when they were human. Now, they're just grown by the Tyrell Corporation or some such…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    bout damn time they let the biden loose. best damn strategy ever for swing states.

    i can't wait for little lord ryan vs. swoonin joe

    • DocChaos

      Not sure if that's what's meant by "swing" states.

  • Guppy

    with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this

    The next announced Wonkette Drinky Thing will be at the USNO.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Can we take a look at Cheney's man-sized safe, or has that been removed from the premises?

  • johnnymeatworth

    On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the Vice-Presidential candidate with the red roses?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      ♫ And he took the words right out of Kinnock's mouth… ♪

      • tessiee

        Excellent.

    • MosesInvests

      I bet you say that to all the boys.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      S.E. Cupp seemed rather enthusiastic about blue eyed Ryan.

  • James Michael Curley

    Biden has hair plugs older than Ms. Durkin!

  • BarackMyWorld

    So…what adult actor will they get to play Joe in "Who's Ridin' Biden"?

    • BadKitty904

      Isn't Jeff Stryker about the right age?

    • eggsacklywright

      Peter North.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Oh, come on.

        • eggsacklywright

          A mere hypothetical. Trubba not.

    • tessiee

      Anyone who is NOT Ron Jeremy, plz.
      Thank you ever so much.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OT but I'm sorta happy to see Scott Walker demanding the NFL get the deal done with the referee's union after "his" Packers got jobbed by the scab refs last night. http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/09/25/90369

    • Toomush_Infer

      Yeah, concessions are all Scott's about…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The Flip-Flop Contagion is raging through the GOP ranks! Oh, the pain of Packers fans warms my cockles all the way down here in the Chicago Loop.

      • horsedreamer_1

        I should be mad, but like Smokin' Jay Cutler I donnnnnnnnnn't carrrrrrrrrre.

      • bobbert

        I was a little put out by the stupid of it all, but (1) 12 points? Come on, guys. And (2) if there was ever a team that deserved a game-deciding make-up call, it's the Seahawks.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Up there without a net" is the best new euphemism I've heard in years.

    • eggsacklywright

      Sounds better than "bareback."

  • anniegetyerfun

    I honestly cannot make up my mind about Joe.

  • BlueStateLibel

    And angry boyfriends are angry. Thank God for the Secret Service.

  • Radiotherapy

    So that's what kids call it nowadays, gaffing.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Aw hell, Biden's here in my own town NOW! (brb…)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Keep your clothes on!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Joe Stud Muffin

  • DahBoner

    the stuff they do on hardwood

    Cheerleaders: A Floor Polish and Dessert Topping…

  • rickmaci

    In a campaign that is otherwise so bland it makes beige look like a rainbow, Joe is like a giant slash of purple crayon on the wall. You know what I mean?

    • JohnnyQuick

      He's Prince?

      "Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of the Delaware River?"

    • tessiee

      "purple crayon"

      He's Harold?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I love Harold!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    "The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind"

    I think this is a lyric from a ZZ Top song.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Joe is known as the The Snuggler!

  • ttommyunger

    What's the difference between the Biden Bedroom and the Romney Bedroom? The difference between Lightning and Lightning Bug.

    • prommie

      That Mark Twain, he was good. Huckleberry Finn, and Catch-22, the bookends of great american novel-dom. They are what warped me the way I am.

      • ttommyunger

        Total all-time never aging always relevant classics.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

    • tessiee

      Aw, I miss lightning bugs.
      Cardinals and blue jays, too.

      • ttommyunger

        Come down South. I see those every day.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • owhatever

    Paul Ryan was impressed and tried the same tactic with a cheerleader. A hand extended, forearm caressed, other hand to shoulder, looked soulfully with those hound dog eyes, then said, "Under my plans, if you get hurt doing a flip, you and all of your family will die hungry and poor."

  • Yellerdawg

    "…they’re up there without a net!", he said, standing at the foot of the pyramid staring up.

    • tessiee

      Now I'm picturing Bluto from Animal House in the scene where he's under the bleachers.

  • An_Outhouse

    hard, wood, blow ? – is there anything he left out?

  • lotusflwr

    Ol' Swoony Joe, that's what all the dames used to call him…

  • barto

    Just so you know, guys, the safety word is "mittens".

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Mitt Romney's campaign just sent out a press release noting that like his meatware opponents, he is also "fully functional".

  • CindynEncinitas

    It looks to me like he's cuddling her leather vest. Which I think is double-sexxxy!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Handsome Joe is holding hands with an excited 26-year-old history teacher in New England while Rmoney is trying desperately to drum up a cheer in a whiter-than-white town that couldn't get any more Republican if Reagan had been born there. Do we really need to pay pollsters?

  • AznMom420

    Veep Joe is keeping our unbroken streak of sexually charged Democratic administrations going strong, but not too strong. Guys take notes, ladies take a number.