SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH  9:10 am September 25, 2012

Watch Out, America: Handsome Joe Biden Wants To Snuggle You

by Josh Fruhlinger

Your personal space is his personal space, babyGuys, Wonkette’s Los Angeles-based Editrix is probably still asleep at this early hour, so we’ll just take this opportunity to discuss a story that may produce some mixed emotions for her. We mean, on the one hand, who doesn’t love hundreds of words in the paper of record about Old Handsome Joe Biden all getting into your personal space and laying his gentle, friendly hands on you? But on the other, with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this: “Outside the Airport Diner here on Saturday, Mr. Biden shook Samantha Mullin’s hand while stroking her left forearm. He placed a hand on one shoulder. He put his other hand on her other shoulder. As he looked into her eyes, he touched her cheek.” Yowza! HOTTT!

So, yes, the New York Times has a whole article about Joe Biden just stone cold hugging ladies and makin’ ’em swoon on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. Too bad Hail to the Slash is only for same-sex presidential erotica, or else prose like this would beat out any of the fictional entries:

Mr. Biden is a touch person, draping arms around people’s shoulders to pose for a picture and then keeping them draped while continuing to chat. At a high school in New Hampshire on Friday, he fielded a question from a history teacher, Kayleigh Durkin, 26, by extending a hand to draw her into the center of a circle of students with him. While he spoke, he continued to hold her hand, as though they were a high school couple going steady.

Did it feel awkward? “No, I was so excited,” Ms. Durkin said later. “I love him.”

Later, another lady says that her close encounter with the Vice President was “out of my comfort zone but not uncomfortable,” which is pretty much a sentence you expect to read in a paragraph that begins “Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this would happen to me…”

At another New Hampshire campaign stop, Biden extolled the virtue of college cheerleaders … as athletes, you guys. “They’re almost all gymnasts. The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind, thinking, you know, they’re up there without a net. You know?” WE KNOW, JOE. [NYT/ABC]

 
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{ 258 comments }

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 9:13 am

"out of my comfort zone but not uncomfortable"

As a shy person, I feel this way a lot.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

I balance you out. If I have a mixed drink, I start hugging everyone in sight.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

Buy you a drink?

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

(You scamp!)

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

The sun isn't yet over the yardarm. After that, we can talk.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

Yea, sorry about the yardarm. I'm a bit excitable today.

memzilla September 25, 2012 at 10:16 am

This just in: Science Invents Portable Yardarms!

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"If I have a mixed drink, I start hugging everyone in sight."

I think you may be drinking Love Potion # 9.

An Asexual Ungulate September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

I'm not hearing a no…?

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

I am one of the world's great huggers, so look out there, my friend!

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

Okay, it's a deal. When I meet you I will tell Mr. Sulu to lower the shields. Actually, I work overtime to be "outgoing" but then I have to "warren up".

However, one Vodka/Seven and I am good to go. Grin.

TootsStansbury September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

Fellow shy person here. But unka Joe? I'd go all googoo eyed.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

I have gotten to the point where I hardly ever freak out when people try to hug me.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

So you don't start reciting "Who's On First?" any longer?

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

I USED to be a big hugger, back when guys would hug me on purpose for the "boob smash" of it all – now that I am older and haven't had NEAR enough hugs in the last few months, I am alllllll about some smashing. SO watch out!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

I'd smash you like a wrecking ball

prommie September 25, 2012 at 10:47 am

Not everything is about you. Read it again, closer.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

How many months? I come up with a different count.

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

49 long long long long days.

Peckerwood_Pete September 25, 2012 at 9:15 am

Dog the Bounty Hunter is going to be pissed that Joe Biden is all up on his wife.

But ya gotta love ol' Joe. He seems like a really swell guy.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

Dog is a special kind of creepy. Can't-look-at-it creepy.

An Asexual Ungulate September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

He'll take the white trash she-beast so we don't have to!

Nowisallthereis September 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

That's Dog's wife 200 pounds ago.

GhostBuggy September 25, 2012 at 9:16 am

Holy shit, this guy is the best.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

He's old as dirt and still charmin' the ladies.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:22 am

Hittin' on the electorate!

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

Delivering votes, one at a time

An Asexual Ungulate September 25, 2012 at 9:33 am

With his penis.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

I swear, Handsome Joe must move about accompanied by his own, personal, 24/7 soundtrack of Barry White tunes…

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:34 am

Winning the thread right there!

BerkeleyBear September 25, 2012 at 11:54 am

Somehow, he's Clinton without the overt hound dog. It's that smile that seems genuine, but buried in the twinkle of the eye is just the slightest hint of a troublemaker ready and willing to do anything. Well, that and the actual ability to make people think he gives a shit about them.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Now you are describing me. . . .

Boojum September 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

WITHOUT the hound dog…

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:02 pm

See, now I woulda thought that the Barry White was for Barry.
Joe's soundtrack would be more like this (especially in the above picture):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_qHU_6Ofc0

As a speshul bonus, the musicians are led by the non-assy Joe Walsh.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:17 am

Maybe Mittz has Biden envy?

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

Mittens is also probably envious that Biden has the confidence to laugh it off when he misspeaks.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

It's easier to laugh off harmless mistakes than expressions of your deep and vehement misanthropy.

Lascauxcaveman September 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

This^.

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 10:52 am

This is why the political definition of "gaffe" is to say what you actually mean, when you didn't intend to. Biden literally doesn't do that.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

POSSIBLE RESPONSE:
YES/NO
OR WHAT?
GO AWAY
I AM ALSO UNEMPLOYED
CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPE TOO
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:52 am

Hey man, the Dude a-Biden!

freakishlywrong September 25, 2012 at 9:18 am

As cool as Jill is, (and she is), she is not above cutting a bitch.

FlownOver September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

Damn! Too fast for me!

Beowoof September 25, 2012 at 9:18 am

Out banging for votes. Work it Joe, work it.

ManchuCandidate September 25, 2012 at 9:18 am

Obama is to Spock, Biden is to Kirk.

I hope that Biden never rips his shirt in the debate with Ryan.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

Jaysus, isn't this the truth. Would that make Paul Ryan a gorn?

GhostBuggy September 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

I think Mitt is Apollo, angry that nobody wants to worship him.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

I'm just glad he's not Khan.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 10:57 am

Not enough spray tan.

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Well, hmm… Khan's ear-worm bugs would go a long way to explain teatards.

freakishlywrong September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

My favorite ep: The Trouble with Teatards

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

They're eating up all the quadratritcale!

MacRaith September 25, 2012 at 10:11 am

Hell, they don't even belive in quadrotriticale!

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm

"quadrotriticale"

??
What, there was an episode where they all went to the health food store?

ThundercatHo September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

I'm picturing a Borg cube with Rmoney toothpaste swooshes on the side. The Enterprise just has the O-logo all over the saucer section.

John Birf Society September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

I bid 2000 quatloos for Biden!

BerkeleyBear September 25, 2012 at 11:58 am

Except in this alt-universe, Spock is in touch enough with his human side to swag like a gangsta. Sort of like if Spock thoughout the series was more like the dude in Star Trek IV and even the recent reboot than the original version. Because Kirk may get the casual green female, but Spock nailing Uhura – that's winning.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"I hope that Biden never rips his shirt in the debate with Ryan."

Killjoy.

Barbara_ September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

I'm going to get one of the secret service dudes to pass Joe a note from me after Socialists Studies class. I hope he checks the "yes" box. (fingers crossed)

Jus_Wonderin September 25, 2012 at 9:22 am

Barb, are you impressed by Joe's Trans Am? Powerful.

Barbara_ September 25, 2012 at 9:30 am

I just love me some Joe, gaffs and all.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

…and that he enjoys The Onion's articles about him makes it all the better.

Isyaignert September 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"…Socialists Studies…" good one!

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

I love Joe. I'd hold hands with him with no second thoughts, although my mother would probably beat me to it.

Imagine those situations with Romney. Awkward!

sullivanst September 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

More awkward still when he jumps like you just goosed him.

FlownOver September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

He'd better watch it. Dr. Jill will cut a bitch if needs be.

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

My nephew is a Biden intern whose sole job is to collect panties off the hustings after campaign stops.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

Your nephew could pay his tuition selling those online to Japanese businessmen.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

Well, he's not an advance man, so I guess this makes him a posterior aide?

starfanglednut September 26, 2012 at 7:01 am

Secretary of the interior.

( stolen from MASH)

Steverino247 September 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

And they're going to make a quilt out of them?

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You misspelled "hussies".

freakishlywrong September 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

I need to get my hands on handsome Joe's schedule. I could use a little healing touch right about now.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

Joe be STROKIN'!
He strokes it to the east, strokes it to the west,
strokes is to the women that he loves the best.

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

Joe is putting it all out there. He said cheerleader and hardwood in one statement.

It ain't no mosquito, Joe's libido.

Lascauxcaveman September 25, 2012 at 10:47 am

And threw in a "blows" for good measure:

The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind

This is a *lot* sexier than the Republican dog-whistle stuff we hear all the time.

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

Agreed, the fap factor here is most excellent.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

Strokes it to the North,
Strokes it to the South,
He even strokes it with his…..

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm

My entirely awesome ex-boss was also an ex-DJ, and incredibly knowledgeable about all kinds of music, which made for great conversations:
Boss: Do you know, "I stroke it to the east, I stroke it to the west"?
Me: I hope to GOD that you're referring to the Clarence Carter song!

doloras September 25, 2012 at 6:45 pm

You're strokin' it, Joe Biden
But you're strokin' too darn fast
And if my stuff ain't tight enough
You can stroke it in my…
STROKIN'!

JackDempsey1 September 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

It's like "Wedding Crashers," and we're all ugly bridesmaids to Joe.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

In all fairness, EVERYBODY looks ugly in a kelly green taffeta bridesmaid's dress.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

Give 'em the vapors, Joe.

Goonemeritus September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

If you can hear me scream “get off of my lawn” you are in my personal space. I do admire the ability to make personal connections in other people, I don’t understand it but I admire it.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

You know what Joe likes about high school girls? No matter how old he gets, they stay the same age.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

So the Veep and I have something in common!

Mumbletypeg September 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

When I first saw that movie.. I did not even recognize McConaughey, he was so slick. The hairdo and sleazey demeanor totally threw me.

emmelemm September 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

All right all right all right…

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am

"Yowza! HOTTT!"
I thought the proper spelling was "hawt." You kids these days, I swear.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

Just when you think you got a handle on things, they go and change them around on you

MistaEko September 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

"….keep going."
- Ken Starr

Baconzgood September 25, 2012 at 9:24 am

“No, I was so excited,” Ms. Durkin said later. “I love him.”

She did it with this face.
http://ryanseacrest.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/0

James Michael Curley September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

Are you going to survive "The World Wide Bacon Shortage"?

Baconzgood September 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

I've stock piled for this event.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

"The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind,"

Hard wood. Heh heh.

BlueStateLibel September 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

He is just playing with us now.

rickmaci September 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

ISWHDT. LMFAO.

weejee September 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

Your move Paul Ryan. Your fans are a waitin' with the great expectations.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

50 Shades Of Veep

“His body language — facing me with both hands on my shoulders, standing face to face only about an inch and a half away from mine and unrelenting eye contact — combined with the genuine sincerity of his words” were what “brought tears to my eyes,” Ms. Funk said in an e-mail message.

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 10:08 am

good god. is that really the level of writing in that thing?

Stevola September 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

Picture the same cliche used four times in the space of three pages. Then a different cliche, four times over the next three pages. Repeat throughout three books.

Yeah, I read that crap.

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

makes me long for dan brown.

BerkeleyBear September 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

So did my wife – after which her left handed compliment to me was that my self-published young adult novel was better written. Which I don't doubt. Then again, I get the impression most Chinese take-out restaurant menus are better written, so it wasn't all that much of a compliment.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

That quote is from the NYT article.

Zepster September 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

What would Mitt's comfort zone be?

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

Utah?

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

A zone-locus buffer region with discomfort increasing to asymptote as units/objects approach.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

But what is the factor?

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

Now you've gone right over my head. What's the vector, Victor?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

International waters.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

He touched me in my Caribbean area.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

He was aiming for the Netherland Antilles.

Dr_Zoidberg September 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

Mars.

WIDTAP September 25, 2012 at 9:40 am

Somewhere near where the Curiosity probe is now.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Is that a euphemism for "up a Koch brother's ass"? Because all the Republicans are comfortable there.

ph7 September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

It's here.

Toomush_Infer September 25, 2012 at 9:53 am

His jeans aren't comfortable with him….

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

His accountant's office.

trampndirtdown September 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

Quiet rooms?

Lascauxcaveman September 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

Quiet rooms where Mitt is the only speaker, with $25000-a-plate sauted chicken breasts in mushroom sauce. Those are Mitt's people.

(Especially the $25000 part.)

DCBloom September 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

Meh-he-co

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Within the heavily fortified, death-ray-topped walls surrounding a castle on top of a skull-shaped mountain?

By the way, if you're in search of a personal description, allow me to suggest, "Upfist my comment, or the dog gets it".

Gleem McShineys September 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

120 VAC

mbobier September 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

About 15 yards, I should think.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

Joey and Kayleigh, sittin' in a tree…

Ruhe September 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

Never too old to put on a slow show for the ladies…and meanwhile Mitt is just looking for a place to not be nervous and not be thinking about his dick.

UW8316154 September 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

Now *this* is a story I can fap to!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

“They’re almost all gymnasts. The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind, thinking, you know, they’re up there without a net. You know?”

Boy, talk about dogwhistles…

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

Hubba, hubba!

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

Jill's a hottie.

Ann Egg is haughty.

Schmannnity September 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

The first Vice President whose campaign theme song is Bow Chicka Wow Wow.

Pragmatist2 September 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

50 Shades of Heyyyy!

Rosie_Scenario September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

Grey works also, too.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 10:06 am

Then Joe said "how YOU doing?"

Lot_49 September 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

Joe puts the "vice" in "vice president."

no_gravity September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

I'm pissed. I had a ticket to see Handsome Joe when he was going to crash the RNC in Tampa but he cancelled his appearance because of the Not a Hurricane Isaac.

Lot_49 September 25, 2012 at 9:32 am

Uh, he did, in 1998. There was the little matter of a speech plagiarized from Brit Labor Party guy Neil Kinnoch, thus giving us the Dukakis candidacy. Also ran again in '08.

Almost forgot the second one–found it when I had to look up the first.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

How could you forget "clean and articulate"?! (It is evidence of the Biden Disarmament Field that nobody really got mad about that.)

EatsBabyDingos September 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

Frequently, Handsome Joe will then have sexytime with a seagull, because one good tern deserves another.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

But he'd never crow about it.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

You ought to see him on a crested tit

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

In a Firebird, no less.

Toomush_Infer September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am

Goose is his favorite…

FlownOver September 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

Cardinal sin!

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Talk about a poppin Jay.

mrpuma2u September 25, 2012 at 11:15 am

He is a rooster shakin' a tail feather fo sho!!!!

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

He did, twice.

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:37 am

I adore this man, just adore him, we are so lucky to have him as VP, I know if he did that to me I would be unable to stop it right there, I would be all over him.

Terry September 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

I'd turn bright red and start giggling.

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

I have a feeling he would turn on my sexy switch.

Fuck Toad September 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

You best be careful. Jill looks like she could wreck a lady.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:39 am

Dang. If I'da been old enuff, *I* woulda voted for 'im…

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

This, also.

As Mr. Biden worked his way around the Acoustic Café in Eau Claire, Wis., this month, he snatched crackers and other tidbits off diners’ plates. Posing for a picture with his arms around two women, he glanced back at a group of men and said, “Hard work, guys.”

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:43 am

Apparently, he'd crack snatches, too…

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

He's just a love machine…

Limeylizzie September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

Well, Jill was all giddy thinking about him doing the love-act the other day, so I assume you are correct.

DahBoner September 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Hard work or workin' hard?

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Compare and contrast with the two spoiled rich kid Republican assholes who whined, "It's HARD!"

[E*g and B*sh]

ThundercatHo September 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

Instead of asking for money for a chance to win dinner with the Prez the Obama campaign should be selling raffle tickets for a chance to have a ride with Joe in his Trans Am. Bitchin'!!!

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Highway wonderland.

BarackMyWorld September 25, 2012 at 9:44 am

If he doesn't run in 2016, he certainly has a future as a Viagra spokesman.

a_pink_poodle September 25, 2012 at 9:45 am

Will he whisper sweet nothings in my ear under the moonlight?

mavenmaven September 25, 2012 at 9:46 am

I hope women throw panties during the debate!

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

On the left, a hundred thongs, two dozen G strings, a set of pasties and 45 bikinis.

On the right, a single pair of Egg's magic Granny panties.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 9:57 am

OK, ew…

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 10:00 am

I was astonished to learn on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me that after a single woman at a New York show threw her panties at Tom Jones, his publicist, Jay Bernstein, started paying women at Jones' Las Vegas shows to do the same.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 10:08 am

Yes, believe it or not, the manager was worried that the shows would flop. After a woman at the Copa (where else?) handed her panties to one of his flunkies to give to him (instead of the traditional "phone number on a cocktail napkin") the publicist had what ended up being a brilliant idea.

TootsStansbury September 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

This would be so full of win.

Lot_49 September 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

Sexy Joe is great, but we could use more Cujo Joe as well, goin after Mitt and the Ryanator.

Doktor Zoom September 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

You see, this just demonstrates the utter moral bankruptcy of the liberal media. Why isn't Joe Biden being prosecuted for sexual harassment? If Mitch McConnell was going around pawing women like this, you hypocrites would be calling him a monster.

/breitbart

LibertyLover September 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

Frankly, I would be surprised if any woman would let Mitch McConnell paw them. 10 foot pole, duh.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 11:47 am

Biden Harassment: "You want a future, don't you? Pull the lever!"

MissTaken September 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

Wouldn't get pawed by a geriatric turtle count as bestiality, not sexual harassment?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH

Thanks for the earworm, you bastard.

viennawoods13 September 25, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Well, I've been getting tired of Freebird, so time for a change.

LibertyLover September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

There are letters in Penthouse?

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:55 am

Yes, under "Friction".

LibertyLover September 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

Oh you're such a tease. ;-)

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

Mostly consisting of T & A, but topped with a generous spread of V.

Toomush_Infer September 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

Marvin Gaye just called Joe, wants his song back: "I didn't mean it to be political"….

prommie September 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

Like that drunken uncle who winds up hitting on your girlfriend after Thanksgiving dinner. Thats Old Handsome Joe; America's pervy uncle!

FakaktaSouth September 25, 2012 at 10:33 am

This is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Unless you have an uncle like Joe for reals. In that case, oh yeah, Thanksgiving with the fam – I'm wearing something slutty.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 10:44 am

Bring it.

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Oh, to be 12 years younger, and scandalizing the other side in the flame war with the news that their greatest antagonists are now having coffee together on the back porch…

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I have two *actual* Uncle Joes, which kept me from commenting in this thread, "I love me some Uncle Joe".

Also, I still have to sit at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Let's hope you are sowing the seeds of Socialism as long as you are there.

Boojum September 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Yeah, but unlike your pervy uncle, your girlfriend leaves with Handsome Old Joe.

Chow Yun Flat September 25, 2012 at 10:03 am

This will be the next steamy Harlequin Romance: Taken by the Vice President.

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 10:07 am

Subtitle: My Executive Mandate

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

Veep me baby, veep me all night long….

johnnymeatworth September 25, 2012 at 10:05 am

This just in, Joe Biden's favorite movie is the Cinemax late night classic "Private Lessons…."

ChrisM2011 September 25, 2012 at 10:08 am

He's just filling the void left by Isaac Hayes…

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

You say this cat Joe is a bad mutha–

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 10:16 am

Shut yo' mouth!

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

But I'm talkin' 'bout Joe

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

Then we can dig it!

doloras September 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Nah, we're not ready for a Scientologist VP.

horsedreamer_1 September 25, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Giovanni Ribisi 2020.

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

They don't really make politicians like that any more, do they?

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 10:20 am

Yah, back when they were human. Now, they're just grown by the Tyrell Corporation or some such…

fuflans September 25, 2012 at 10:12 am

bout damn time they let the biden loose. best damn strategy ever for swing states.

i can't wait for little lord ryan vs. swoonin joe

DocChaos September 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

Not sure if that's what's meant by "swing" states.

Guppy September 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

with California in the bag for Obama, chances are very slim that our Editrix will experience a campaign moment like this

The next announced Wonkette Drinky Thing will be at the USNO.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 10:21 am

Can we take a look at Cheney's man-sized safe, or has that been removed from the premises?

johnnymeatworth September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the Vice-Presidential candidate with the red roses?

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

♫ And he took the words right out of Kinnock's mouth… ♪

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Excellent.

MosesInvests September 25, 2012 at 10:20 am

I bet you say that to all the boys.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 11:10 am

S.E. Cupp seemed rather enthusiastic about blue eyed Ryan.

James Michael Curley September 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

Biden has hair plugs older than Ms. Durkin!

BarackMyWorld September 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

So…what adult actor will they get to play Joe in "Who's Ridin' Biden"?

BadKitty904 September 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

Isn't Jeff Stryker about the right age?

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 10:31 am

Peter North.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 25, 2012 at 11:10 am

Oh, come on.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

A mere hypothetical. Trubba not.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Anyone who is NOT Ron Jeremy, plz.
Thank you ever so much.

BaldarTFlagass September 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

OT but I'm sorta happy to see Scott Walker demanding the NFL get the deal done with the referee's union after "his" Packers got jobbed by the scab refs last night. http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/09/25/90369

Toomush_Infer September 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

Yeah, concessions are all Scott's about…

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

The Flip-Flop Contagion is raging through the GOP ranks! Oh, the pain of Packers fans warms my cockles all the way down here in the Chicago Loop.

horsedreamer_1 September 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I should be mad, but like Smokin' Jay Cutler I donnnnnnnnnn't carrrrrrrrrre.

bobbert September 26, 2012 at 12:12 am

I was a little put out by the stupid of it all, but (1) 12 points? Come on, guys. And (2) if there was ever a team that deserved a game-deciding make-up call, it's the Seahawks.

OneYieldRegular September 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Up there without a net" is the best new euphemism I've heard in years.

eggsacklywright September 25, 2012 at 10:32 am

Sounds better than "bareback."

anniegetyerfun September 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

I honestly cannot make up my mind about Joe.

BlueStateLibel September 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

And angry boyfriends are angry. Thank God for the Secret Service.

Radiotherapy September 25, 2012 at 10:38 am

So that's what kids call it nowadays, gaffing.

Mumbletypeg September 25, 2012 at 10:50 am

Aw hell, Biden's here in my own town NOW! (brb…)

Chet Kincaid_ September 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

Keep your clothes on!

Monsieur_Grumpe September 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

Joe Stud Muffin

DahBoner September 25, 2012 at 10:58 am

the stuff they do on hardwood

Cheerleaders: A Floor Polish and Dessert Topping…

rickmaci September 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

In a campaign that is otherwise so bland it makes beige look like a rainbow, Joe is like a giant slash of purple crayon on the wall. You know what I mean?

JohnnyQuick September 25, 2012 at 11:15 am

He's Prince?

"Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of the Delaware River?"

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

"purple crayon"

He's Harold?

starfanglednut September 26, 2012 at 7:12 am

I love Harold!

iburl September 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

"The stuff they do on hardwood, it absolutely blows my mind"

I think this is a lyric from a ZZ Top song.

Baba_NinjaCat12 September 25, 2012 at 11:28 am

Joe is known as the The Snuggler!

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 11:32 am

What's the difference between the Biden Bedroom and the Romney Bedroom? The difference between Lightning and Lightning Bug.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 1:16 pm

That Mark Twain, he was good. Huckleberry Finn, and Catch-22, the bookends of great american novel-dom. They are what warped me the way I am.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Total all-time never aging always relevant classics.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Aw, I miss lightning bugs.
Cardinals and blue jays, too.

ttommyunger September 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Come down South. I see those every day.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

owhatever September 25, 2012 at 11:40 am

Paul Ryan was impressed and tried the same tactic with a cheerleader. A hand extended, forearm caressed, other hand to shoulder, looked soulfully with those hound dog eyes, then said, "Under my plans, if you get hurt doing a flip, you and all of your family will die hungry and poor."

Yellerdawg September 25, 2012 at 11:52 am

"…they’re up there without a net!", he said, standing at the foot of the pyramid staring up.

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Now I'm picturing Bluto from Animal House in the scene where he's under the bleachers.

An_Outhouse September 25, 2012 at 12:03 pm

hard, wood, blow ? – is there anything he left out?

lotusflwr September 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ol' Swoony Joe, that's what all the dames used to call him…

barto September 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Just so you know, guys, the safety word is "mittens".

TavariousChinaSmith September 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Mitt Romney's campaign just sent out a press release noting that like his meatware opponents, he is also "fully functional".

CindynEncinitas September 25, 2012 at 2:20 pm

It looks to me like he's cuddling her leather vest. Which I think is double-sexxxy!

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Handsome Joe is holding hands with an excited 26-year-old history teacher in New England while Rmoney is trying desperately to drum up a cheer in a whiter-than-white town that couldn't get any more Republican if Reagan had been born there. Do we really need to pay pollsters?

AznMom420 September 27, 2012 at 2:20 am

Veep Joe is keeping our unbroken streak of sexually charged Democratic administrations going strong, but not too strong. Guys take notes, ladies take a number.

actor212 September 25, 2012 at 9:56 am

Pandering to the erectorate.

prommie September 25, 2012 at 11:32 am

like years, those days

tessiee September 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm

New slogan:

"Let's put the Erection back in the Election"

insidebeltway September 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Tribbles

viennawoods13 September 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Who put the tribbles in the quadrotriticale?

bobbert September 26, 2012 at 12:00 am

Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

PennyDreadful September 26, 2012 at 1:04 am

One word: Univision.

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