Mitt Romney’s Mexican Mormon Cousin: Amnesty For Everyone!

  typical mormon libtard

Probably not such a penis back thenWell, we are finally at Part Six of Vice’s foray into the wilds of Me-hee-co, about the Mexican branch of Mitt Romney’s family, and how they and the cartels are just totally kidnapping each other all the time, and this part is really interesting! Why is it interesting when there hasn’t even been a beheading in four whole installments? Because Mitt’s cousin thinks there should be AMNESTY for illegal immigrants in the US, AND a guest worker program, and probably, like, food and shelter and not starving to death too! Sorry, Mitt Romney’s cousin, but obviously you are a terrible Christian.

Join us tomorrow for the Grand Finale! Parts One, Two, Three, Four and Five.

[Vice]

Related

 
Related video

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

127 comments

    1. DahBoner

      These guys would be cool if they had their own radio station playing unrepentant bandeleros about drinking tequilla, raping 15 year old sister wifes and accidentally killing narcos.

      But they don't, therefore not cool.

    2. WhatTheHeck

      I’m not sure if Bar-B-Que Iguana is kosher in Mormon food laws. Tastes like chicken, but too much caffeine in the meat.

      1. CthuNHu

        Strangely, caffeine isn't banned; "hot drinks" are, but that's understood to mean coffee and tea, including iced coffee and iced tea, while hot chocolate and Mountain Dew are okay (even if the hyper-devout might avoid them to be on the safe side).

        Mittens actually ordered coffee ice cream in front of the press somewhere a while ago, obviously to make non-Mormon folks think, "Whoa, he can't be a real nutjob if he's willing to flip his church the bird on the caffeine thing," while Mormons would just think, "Hah, sweet move Mitt, way to befuddle the goyim."

        1. tessiee

          Isn't somebody who follows the letter of the religious law, but not the spirit of the law, commonly classified as a Pharisee?

          1. CthuNHu

            Not if even the True Believers can't figure out what the spirit of the law is. No hot drinks? No crustaceans? No bacon? No linsey-woolsey? Even Thomas Aquinas on acid couldn't come up with a great and profound law that these rules could be the emanation of.

        2. Toomush_Infer

          Back in the 60's, when they were contemplating buying Coca-Cola, it took a dream vision from the then head of the Mormon Church, to make God give his ok…..

  1. chascates

    I wish Mormons would found their own country, like the Zionists did. I'm more than willing to allow them to have Utah on the condition they all move there and don't leave.

    1. LibrarianX

      I'd rather send all the crazies to Texas and be done with it. Utah is full of bat-shit crazy, but it also really beautiful. Canyonlands, Arches, Bryce and Zion are pretty freaking awesome places.

    1. Negropolis

      Surprisingly, the colonia Mormons seem more reasonable, at least on their face, than do a lot of our American Mormons.

      And, really, you take a close look at the Mormon religion, and you wonder why more of them aren't simply conservative Democrats. I mean, they are damn-near communal in their mindset. A beehive? Are you kidding me? These people are socially conservative communists.

    1. LibertyLover

      "Home, Home on the Range…." ?
      "Oklahoma!" ?
      "Oh, the Wheels on the Bus go round and round?"
      I KNOW!

      America, the Beautiful!

      (Where the trees are just the right height and the clouds are oh so pretty)

  2. DahBoner

    the wilds of Me-hee-co

    Where's that? Never been there.

    But I have been to México a few times.

    Pronounced MEH-he-co…

  3. mbobier

    Yes, Mittens' cousin is obviously a horrible person for espousing such compassionate and reasonable views regarding immigration. Doesn't he know that even American citizens are not "ENTITLED to health care, to food, to housing?" If citizens have to starve in the streets while perishing of preventable diseases, why should undocumented immigrants fare any better? Silly Romney cousin!

    1. kittensdontlie

      That dumbass Mittens is clueless. Illegal immigrants do all the sh*tty work no one else will do, and are generally kind and decent folks. We need to lure Mitt back to his parent's homeland, then close the border.

  4. Antispandex

    If only those Mexicans would hang in there and try not to starve until that glorious day when Mitt seizes power…I mean is democratically elected, then he can send the rest of the jobs, that we don't have either, to Mexico. Everyone's problem is solved! Oh, and tax cuts.

  5. BloviateMe

    Funny, they made Mitt's brother rock a sweater vest in that picture, but Mittens is way too cool for that shit.

      1. BloviateMe

        …and he has 2.5 balls.

        Oh wait, that's the average amt. of children, not testicles.

        Shit, I need to regroup and take another swipe at this.

  6. Terry

    It's curious how many conservatives seem to characterize Mitt Romney's grandparents as missionaries. They were probably spreading the Word when given the opportunity, but they were just plain living in Mexico.

  7. VinnyThePooh

    I'm wondering who is the true father of Craig Romney. I think Ann was bent over a different sawhorse when she conceived that black – er, brown – swan.

    1. Negropolis

      I don't know. Craig looks like his daddy, to me. It's Ben that doesn't look like Mitt; he only looks like Ann.

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, how is it that our divine Mittens was able to grow up to be such a fine young man given a horrible, Socialist, RINO father who would give up decades of his tax returns just because "you people" might question the source of his wealth.

      1. Redgyal

        Don't have to what? Make a comment on a blog with a comment section? Or don't have to like everything Wonkette posts? Either way thanks for letting me express myself. I know how hard that must be.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      Arrggghjhhhh!!! Brings back memories of time at my grandparents on Saturdays.

      The TV would be turned on around 8pm and the question was "Grandpa, what do you want to see" "Errrr….. I guess Welk". Then at 9pm it was time for the Osmunds, I believe.

  9. Fukui-sanYesOta

    Ah, I see why this is getting deleted.

    Have you guys seen this?

    Speculation that Romney won't release his returns because he took amnesty for having a secret Swiss bank account back in 2009.

    Wealthy U.S. taxpayers, concerned about an Internal Revenue Service crackdown on the use of secret overseas bank accounts as tax havens, are rushing to meet a Thursday deadline to disclose those accounts or face possible criminal prosecution. The concern was [edit this is a t but I can't write that]riggered this summer when Switzerland's largest bank, caught up in an international tax evasion dispute, said it would disclose the names of more than 4,000 of its U.S. account holders.

    The decision shattered a long-held belief that Swiss banks would guard the identities of its American customers as carefully as they did their money, and it raised concern that other international tax havens might be next. Under an amnesty program, the IRS is allowing taxpayers to avoid prosecution for having failed to report their overseas accounts. As a result, tax attorneys across the nation have been besieged by wealthy clients who are lining up to apply even though they will still face big financial penalties.

    1. glasspusher

      That would be great. Ha fucking ha. At the rate he's going, I'm sure we'll see clear to give him political amnesty after he loses the election!

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        It's been suggested here on several occasions. Once it became clear that whatever was in those returns was more politically damaging than the refusal to release them, there really weren't too many options. Tax amnesty was one of the few sufficiently-awful scenarios; the other is flat-out cheating that would be revealed once the media start to dissect the returns.

        My fondest hope is that those hackers really do have Mitt's tax returns in their hands.

  10. Negropolis

    You all hear that Paul Ryan is basically begging Libertarians to not vote third party? Yep, they are in trouble.

  11. pinkocommi

    The phrase "Romney colony" has a scarier connotation of an alien invasion than illegal immigration from Mexico ever could.

  12. Toomush_Infer

    I don't know enough Spanish to use the word "fork" in a sentence, as in: "put a fork in him, he's done"….sorry…

  13. ttommyunger

    Why does South Africa come to mind with every episode? How do these exploitive dickwads sleep at night? With his family roots in Mexico, his money in Sweden, his youth spent in France and his business interests in China, why would anyone think Mittens was an American Patriot? Why am I asking you?

Comments are closed.