Is saying "freely gave away" twice in 146 words enough?

Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden

Math is hard!Hey, everyone, just stop being so mean to Mitt Romney, right now, OK? Jeffrey Anderson of the Weekly Standard has done some math that conclusively proves that Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our life, especially when compared to that pipsqueak not-even-a-millionaire Joe Biden, who is not nearly rich enough to do anyone any good, and probably stomps on the iddle-widdle toes of adorable baby kittens for fun.

Notes Anderson:

The release of Mitt Romney’s 2011 tax returns shows that he freely gave away more than $4 million to charity last year (about 30 percent of his income). In comparison, when Joe Biden was first running for vice president, his tax returns showed that he had given away just $3,690 to charity over the previous ten years (about 0.2 percent of his income). In other words, Romney gave away a thousand times as much to charity in one year as Biden gave in a decade.

That’s despite the fact that the Bidens earned well over $2 million over that decade. In fact, their income was $320,000 in 2008, thereby putting them comfortably over the $250,000-a-year line that marks the entry point for “millionaires and billionaires” in Obama-speak.

Oh, how we hate that heartless billionaire bastard Biden! Sure, maybe he only makes 1/67th as much as Mittens, but, yeah, $3690 over ten years is pretty low — we’ll grant that somone making over $300K really should have given more to charity, even though both Bidens noted in 2008 that they gave more time through volunteer activities than they gave in money. Oh, and since getting a raise as Vice President, Biden has in fact increased his charitable giving, so good on him.

Still it’s nothing to equal Mitt “take personal responsibility” Romney’s generosity to deserving charities like the LDS Church and Brigham Young University, and maybe the Home for Wayward Dancing Ponies, too. If we would just let actual millionaires pay lower taxes, they would probably freely give away even more money to similar charities, and America’s problems would be solved, especially the pressing problems of building well-appointed temples, campaigning against gay marriage, and funding sectarian colleges! (Also, it would probably be the very height of bigotry and intolerance to point out that if Mitt doesn’t tithe 10% to his farkakte church he will go to Hell).

But are there any other ways we could use math to show that Old Handsome Joe is a despicable tightwad, while Mitt is a paragon of decency?

Last year, Romney freely gave away more than $10,000 a day to charity — an impressive sum by nearly any standard. Of course, it’s not too hard to beat Biden’s tally. Over the span of that decade, or 3,650 days, he gave away $3,690 — an average of $1.01 a day.

Wow. That is just like freely losing a pissy debate bet with Rick Perry every single day! That Joe Biden sure is a jerk, or was. And Mitt Romney? That man is a saint. Albeit a latter-day one. In any case, America, won’t you please cut taxes so that the poor won’t have to rely on scraps from skinflints like Joe Biden?

[Weekly Standard / Wall Street Journal]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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        1. MittBorg

          Me too. She is a heartwarmingly, genuinely *nice* soul. She reminds me of that one mom that all the kids really liked because she would actually listen to you and talk to you like she cared about what you thought and how you felt. I just want to sit near her and listen to her kindly, understanding, intelligent voice saying kindly, understanding, intelligent things.

          And blushing.

          1. Negropolis

            Very true. That is the kind of woman you marry, the kind of woman who will make you happy for the rest of your life, and who you work to repay the favor of her kindly, sublime presence.

  1. memzilla

    …Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our life…

    Mitt Rmoney, the Man-F**k-You-an Candidate.

  2. Callyson

    How many of those charities Mittens contributed to were emergency rooms? You know, so that the poors can get medical care and all…

          1. emmelemm

            I thought Scientology was Steampunk Scientology. (E-meters, gadgets, etc.)

            I thought Mormonism was Catholic Scientology (rituals, robes, bishops, etc.)

  3. upthruster

    Isn't Mitt giving charity to LDS the same as me giving charity to my own business. He's just paying himself then getting the tax write off….because charity isn't charity…it's business.

  4. hagajim

    I'll guarantee you that Mittens wouldn't be giving his munnies to the Church if it weren't for the fact that it will award him with his own planetoid. So essentially Mittens is paying for a planet….too bad Newtie can't do that.

    1. MittBorg

      Too bad we can't all send Newt and Mitt to their own planetoids. I'd chip in to buy Newtie a planetoid just so I never have to hear his yawp again.

    2. Negropolis

      Well, that, and it's tax exempt. We are not just rewarded in heaven for our "charity", but apparently we are rewarded on earth in accordance with U.S. tax law and policy.

  5. Steverino247

    Joe volunteered where it counts and has a sense of urgency when he comes. You can't top that, Mittster.

  6. noodlesalad

    Joe Biden and his wife made $2 million dollars in pre-tax earnings in ten years! Outrageous! Even more appalling, teachers at our local school district make $1 million dollars in income in just 20 years, making them bona fide millionaire fat cats!!! America is OUT OF CONTROL WITH FILTHY RICH DEMOCRAT POORS.

  7. SorosBot

    You know, I haven't given any money to charity since I've been unemployed, so that makes me a much worse person than Mitt Romney.

  8. finallyhappy

    So how much money did Mitt give to something that wasn't LDS or fancy horse related(what was that association "Brownie" ran- before he was gifted with FEMA)?

  9. Peckerwood_Pete

    I don't give any money to charity…. infact, whenever I'm asked to donate to anything, I always ask what the "cause" is, because I suspect my broke ass very well may qualify…..

    1. deanbooth

      One day I had no food and no money and hadn't eaten all day when someone asked me for a donation to some food-related cause. It was the only day in my life I went hungry and the only time in my life I ever yelled at a stranger.

    2. MittBorg

      When I was actually making money, I tried to give 10% per year. When I wasn't, I used to just give away whatever I could afford each week to random homeless persons or people that I knew were having a hard time.

  10. Native_of_SL_UT

    Mitt's favorite "charity" just opened a fancy new mall on two square blocks in the heart of downtown Salt Lake City. A few years ago they bought a piece of Main street and replaced it with a garden and reflecting pool.
    Now the poors have some place to get water and expensive shoes, all in the shade of their wonderful temple.

    1. arduinohacker

      Nice mall, except the security guards frogmarch you out of there if you have a tattoo showing or you're there with someone of the same gender and you're judged to be "gay".

    2. Negropolis

      Cherry Creek, right?

      The LDS are a business, even more shamelessly so than a lot of other religions. They have their fingers in a lot of pies…and also a lot of circular, fruit-filled confections. Too.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      And ends up on the Sunset strip, strung out and turning tricks. Or at least that's what a certain strain of sexploitation films leads me to think.

  11. HogeyeGrex

    What we'd like to see are the rest of Romney's tax returns for the last decade or so to see whether this four mil is just a politically motivated election year pander.

    But that ain't gonna happen.

  12. Lot_49

    So if you give money to your church, and your church lobbies against insurance-sponsored birth control or gay marriage in California or Barack Obama–or for that matter for Mitt Romney–why do you get a tax deduction for that? Can somebody wake up the jack-booted thugs over at the IRS and get them to check up on this shit?

  13. viennawoods13

    Yeah, well, since he'd be excommunicated if he didn't tithe to the church, we can discount that chunk of change. Oh, and doesn't he get sweet sweet tax deductions for all of those charitable donations? Yes, I thought so!

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Yes, absolutely. I don't define "charity" as "membership dues for a tax-exempt cult." It's not as if money tithed to the LDS is spent helping the downtrodden. It goes to proselytizing to attract more LDS members, building ornate temples all over the world, and for corporate investments. Yes, the Mormons do help the poor, but they help needy MORMONS and if you are not a Mormon you have to go through an LDS indoctrination to be a recipient of their largesse. Even Catholic Charities doesn't require recipients be Catholic.

      So, right off the bat, subtract the 10% he donates to his church from anything he defines as "charitable giving." I'd also carefully examine the other 20% before I called him "generous." For instance, how much did the Boy Scouts of America get?

  14. LastGasp

    Romney freely gave away more than $10,000 a day.

    Well that's just the amount Mitt wanted to bet Rick Perry. Does someone have a problem with making (and losing) too many bets?

  15. SorosBot

    Also, funny thing; I have given money to charity in the past, but it's not on any of my tax returns. You know why? Because, as a person of moderate means without a mortgage to deduct, the standard deduction was still worth more than my itemized deductions would be, so I didn't take any charitable deductions. And Biden, while well off by normal standards, was the poorest member of the Senate. Just saying.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      That's always been true for me, too. And I even had a mortgage to deduct. But not a big one, because as a liberal I was required to help build the abortionplex and a bunch of gay bars, which didn't leave a lot left over for a lavish home.

  16. Wilcoxyz

    That's nothing. I get emails all the time from African oil tycoons who want to give me money. But has Mittens emailed me? No.

  17. Goonemeritus

    How does anyone except Mitt and his accountants know what he gave to charity for the last decade? Has there been 8 more years of 1040 released recently?

    1. Gleem McShineys

      You see, when a Republican Propagandist loves a candidate very much, he takes his erect imagination out, and places it into the warm soft media, and soon, his fantasy seeds are ejacualated and new reality starts growing! It is truly miraculous.

  18. mull_man

    According to Jill, if you get close to Joe, he is BIG on charity.

    This <————————————————————————————> big.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Don't you mean,

      This 8—————————————————————————————->

    1. bikerlaureate


      I want more of these false equivalences. How does George Soros stack up to Romney? Or Martin Sheen?

      (Even just vs. the other GOP prez candidates, pls.)

      1. Incitefully_Joe

        Well, let's put a finer point on it. In a apples-to-apples comparison, who do you think gives more to charity, Joe Biden, or the acolyte of Ayn Rand (who asserted that abstaining from altruism in all forms was an affirmative good)?

  19. SorosBot

    It's funny that ShitMitt's 2011 tax returns show him giving almost three times as much to charity than his 2010 returns (the only other ones he's released) did, it almost looks like he was seriously upping the donation just to look good for the election.

    1. MissTaken

      But being a dick and not taking it all as deduction so his effective tax rate stays above 13%. Expect to hear (or not!) about him filing amended returns to take the full deduction and bringing his effective tax rate down to 12%.

      Yay ShitMitt!

      1. SorosBot

        The fact that this tax return was so obviously calibrated to look good makes me wonder even further why he didn't do the same beforehand when he's been running for president for at least a decade, but still feels he has to hide the others.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      Never once in all her bragging did I ever hear Ann Romney claim they gave more than 10% to charity. "We give away ten percent of the money we make," has been her standard line if she wants to be more specific than saying, "We give away millions of dollars." Yeah, sweetie, so do the Osmonds.

  20. docterry6973

    Joe and Jill are obviously spending too much time playing hide the pickle. And I don't mean baby gerhkin, amIright?

  21. sharethegrief

    He probably bankrolled the entire opposition to Prop 8 because families are only for some people, not you people.

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      My new Japanese neighbor was at our black party a few weeks ago, and he was so excited to talk about all the erections going on.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I re-wrote a resume once for a construction engineer whose vitae had to be included in a big corporate proposal. The proposal manager was unhappy with his original since it repeatedly described him as an "erection specialist."

  22. Texan_Bulldog

    I don't understand how people don't seem to know that there's a difference between tithing & giving to charity.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      I see you addressed this a good six minutes before me. Well done. Fat preachers are not charities; they are lazy bastards who love hearing the best church gossip, eating for free at everyone's house, and working one goddamn day a week.

    2. Chet Kincaid_

      Most people who take "charitable" deductions know the difference between giving to a non-profit dance school, a church and a food bank. We get tax deductions for all kinds of efforts that supposedly benefit society in some way, not just the ones that literally give services to the poor. The word "charitable" just seems to put people on their high horses about religions they don't like, though.

  23. mavenmaven

    Its ok for Romney to kill all the poors and olds, because he gave a small part of his gazillions to "charity".

  24. KeepFnThatChicken

    Giving to a church is a tithe, not a fucking charity. Charities are not buildings made of marble, nor groups of people who bear-bait a meal with stories about Jesus.

    1. SorosBot

      Also, charities are supposed to help people, not work to actively harm people and make the world a worse place.

  25. UnholyMoses

    The problem here: the Weakly Substandard fucktards acting as if the money Mitt made was "earned income."

    Dude didn't earn jack shit.

    He was given a pile of money, borrowed a bigger pile of money, and then was given even bigger piles for telling American companies to outsource their jobs to China, or be shut down, stripped of assets, and then sold off for as much profit as possible.

    So give me a fucking break about how goddamn "charitable" Mittens is, as it's easy to give away money that you didn't earn. Even more so when you're giving it to a bigoted bunch of assholes just for the tax deduction.

    Also, too: The Poorz give more money — in sheer dollars and as a percentage of their income — than rich fucknozzles like Romney do.

    So, yeah: To all fucking hell with these goddamn assfaces who keep trying to convince folks that the rich are just so wonderful and gracious and, by gawd, we should respect their authoritah bank accounts!

    To. Fucking. Hell. With. Them. All.

      1. UnholyMoses

        Well, I only have one commandment: "Thou shalt not be an asshole."

        Of course, I have been known to break that one a time or two …

  26. insidebeltway

    Romney gave $1000,000 to the George Bush Presidential library. How is that considered a charity? Does it even have any books?

  27. pinkocommi

    No amount of charity giving will make me believe that Mitt Romney cares more about the struggles of working class Americans than he does about his prancing pony Rafalca.

  28. Sue4466

    Yes, for some reason, Mitt is willing to give a higher percentage of his income to support his church than he is to support his country. Could it be that he only gives a fuck about people who are just like him?

  29. GregComlish

    I wonder how much Mitt Romney gave away in 2008? Oh wait, we won't ever know because Romney refuses to disclose his tax returns.

  30. DustBowlBlues

    Doesn't he give mostly to his own foundation and the Mormons? So the "missionaries" can go convert protestant Xians into Mormons? Or is it to buy stock in Pepsico?

    I'm confused. This was not covered in my college class on Reformation History.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Well. that's the thing about Mormon charities – they help other Mormons. Need help with tuition at Brigham Young? Okay! Need help with the downpayment on your home in Salt Lake City, young Mormon? Here you go! Starving on the street in L.A., you young catholic apostate? Get a job, you loser!…..

  31. OldWhiteLies

    Some one should tell that little dude in the pic that in fact his mustaches are the far better example of triangles.

    That and he should prolly hold the pencil point down, or sumbuddy's gonna get their eye poked out.

  32. Jus_Wonderin

    I really don't give to charities. I figure I have to pinch every penny I have just to make sure I am not one of the needy that require the charity. I do give to NPR, and that makes me very happy.

    "Did you know that your Membership in this station helps pay………….." It's Membership Drive week down here.

  33. Terry

    How much of Romney's contribution went directly to his Church so they could carry out activities such as fighting against gay marriage? That's not really all that charitable.

    1. ph7

      I don't know the inner workings of Mormonism, but I know that certain Christian sects (such as the Fellowship, which runs the National Prayer Breakfast) actually works like a Ponzi scheme. You are required to donate capital ("give to charity") but the higher ups in the Fellowship get distributions from the fund to buy houses, etc. If you know the DC area, the Fellowship owns almost an entire neighborhood above Spout Run in Arlington, filled with 1M homes. The owners are elders at the top of the pyramid, and get financial assistance from the Fellowship. Weirdly, Hillary's campaign manager from 2008 lives smack in the middle these wackos.

      I know this because I knew several members, including one friend who explained to me how excited he was to be invited to join the Fellowship, and he was told explicitly that if he contributed faithfully, he would be rewarded with a nice home in due time.

      I suspect Mormonism works somewhat like this. Even secular groups do this stuff – -like Korean dry cleaner associations, although they tend to operate more like private banks than true Ponzi schemes.

      1. MittBorg

        The Korean dry cleaner associations probably function more like the mutual self-help associations throughout much of Asia. Like-minded individuals (say, people running the same type of business) pay a certain amount monthly into a pool, and one person takes the entire pool in rotation. Like a tontine. This allows small business owners and poor people access to capital to grow their business which they would normally not have access to, since they have no wealth or family or connections to tap for capital and are usually not familiar with, or not a good fit with, banks and loan associations.

  34. calliecallie

    If we would just let actual millionaires pay lower taxes, they would probably freely give away even more money to similar charities, and America’s problems would be solved…

    Wasn't that the notion behind George HW Bush's "Thousand Points of Light?"

    And is Romney running for Vice President now?

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Hey, Bill and Melinda helped our local Cheboygan County Library metamorphise from a little pissant Carnegie building to a great, great library overflowing with customers! This is a true, no shit endorsement!…

      1. MittBorg

        I have a lot of stored and ancient Madz at BillGates for torturing me for lo, these many years with fucking WinDoze. But I will give the fucker mad props for doing something worthwhile with his life and money, unlike, oh, say, uh, let me think, could it be …

  35. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I don't judge a candidate by how generous they are. I judge them the American way, by how many biker chicks they can get to sit on their lap.

  36. Cleopatriot

    Mitt has to give money to the LDS, or they'll kick him out and he won't get his own planet in the afterlife.

  37. TootsStansbury

    I've had a busy day bit it appears today is Mitt Robot is a mean, stupid poopyhead day. Good! Carry on!

  38. chascates

    Andrew Carnegie gave away what would be billions in today's dollars but he was still a weapons-grade robber baron/asshole.

  39. shelwood46

    I am too poor to donate money, so I volunteer in my community. I live in an area with a lot of people with money, though, and I've met a bunch of stay-at-home rich wives like Egg Romney (not nearly on her scale, probably, although none would brag if they were). You know what they do with their time? Volunteer work. Charities and non-profits. It's funny, isn't it, that we've never heard a breath about Egg volunteering her time. Ever. Just horses and campaigning.

  40. BlueStateLibel

    Nobody's buying this, Mittens has to tithe 10 percent to the Mormon Church to be a member. As a Catholic, Biden would have to tithe the same percent, but he probably could care less. But the Home for Wayward Dancing Ponies sound interesting.

  41. JimmyPete

    By tithing and adhering to Joey Smiths admonition, Mitt is just insuring he inherits his own planet, with a few sister wives to aid Ann in grooming the horse so to speak.

  42. Negropolis

    BTW, this brings up something else, and this is the worship of charity. Don't get me wrong, charity is great, but you know what's even better? Paying enough taxes to build a civil society where we reduce the need for charity. I always hear this bullshit about how Americans are the "most generous" nation in the world, even in relation to our own people. Well, the reason we give so much is because the need is so great because we don't pay for necessary shit with a regular subscription. We shouldn't have to be giving charity so that kids can get dental work, and vision care, and general health care at free clinics.

    1. tessiee

      yeah, the repubs love that word "charity", but only because it's a smokescreen for, "being dependent on whatever crumbs people throw your way, so we don't have to care about your poor ass".

    1. Negropolis

      She was on welfare, you know. It's good to see someone so successful not to forget the depths from which they came, because it's so easy to do that.

  43. ttommyunger

    Way to go, Shitstain of a Right-Wing Rag, lets keep attention focused on Mitt's income and taxes; that's a winning trend.

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