MY BACON DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MEAT ON IT  10:30 am September 24, 2012

The Obama Dystopia: Kids Complain About School Lunch For First Time Ever

by Jesse Taylor

michelle obama smacked the tray out of this child's hands five seconds later

The Daily Caller (excuse me, the DAILY CALLER NEWS FOUNDATION wtf) has an exclusive breaking expose: high schoolers are whiny about things.

Children and parents across the country are fed up with the restrictive new school meal regulations implemented by the Department of Agriculture under the “Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010,” which has long been touted by first lady Michelle Obama.

[...]

“This year, we’ll be hungry by 2:00,” one student, Zach Eck, told KAKETV in Kansas. “We would eat our pencils at school if they had nutritional value.”

Um, child, of course you would tell KAKETV you want more food, it’s a TV station made of kake. I would tell BEERTV I want to get schwasted after work (during work), too. But let’s look at what these kids are doing to “protest,” courtesy of KAKETV’s new show, What Shit Do You Shove In Your Face?

Students at a local school are staging a lunch protest by bringing their own food. After a small beginning, the effort has snowballed into about half of the entire school. The students are ‘brown-bagging’ it in protest against new national school lunch guidelines.

Hahahaha, no, really, what? Kids don’t like school lunch…so they bring their own lunch? That’s how school lunch works and has always worked. I mean, for fuck’s sake, people. #OccupyBrownBags

The new lunch standards have led to the removal of some old food favorites, including a particularly popular item at one school in upstate New York: chicken nuggets.

“Now they’re kind of forcing all the students to get the vegetables and fruit with their lunch, and they took out chicken nuggets this year, which I’m not too happy about,” Chris Cimino, a senior at Mohonasen High School in upstate New York, told the Associated Press, which gave the rules a “mixed grade.”

BREAKING: kids discover they really like chicken nuggets; cannot always have them. Everyone loves chicken nuggets! Put a plate of chicken nuggets in front of a room full of vegans, and when you come back in, at least two will be gone. They’re irresistible. (It helps if you leave the vegans in there for at least a couple of days, though.) When I have a child, I fully expect his or her first sentence to be, “I would like some chicken nuggets, daddy.” My fat, heavy-breathing child will be goddamn polite.

So, the main problem these precious flowers have is that the lunches are too small (the lunches have calorie caps, which top out at 850 calories for high schoolers; that equals about 18 Chicken McNuggets, or a double Quarter Pounder with cheese plus some fries). When Your Wonkette writer was in high school, lunch often consisted of a bacon cheeseburger and curly fries dipped in nacho cheese, and we still complained that was too small. The problem is likely not that school lunches are too small; it is that teenagers nowadays, like teenagers in every day that’s ever existed, are greedy, whiny little fuckers who we love dearly both because they are the future of the race and because they’re gonna be eighteen soon and totally legal.

Shame on you, Michelle Obama, for making kids with the means and choice to bring their own meals to school do so because they don’t like school lunch. This is the most shameful government intrusion into a government program since we stopped being able to masturbate in line at the DMV.

[Daily Caller News Foundation]

 
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{ 165 comments }

Barbara_ September 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

According to the picture,they give the kids a pink wrapped condom with lunch. Great idea!

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

It's cherry flavored, so under the old rules they could count it as "fruit" alongside ketchup the vegetable.

eggsacklywright September 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

That tray looks so appetizing and colorful. A study in beige.

Incitefully_Joe September 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

I assumed that was a "pad". I stand corrected!

Guppy September 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

Either that's the female variety of condom, or that "measurement" issue we read about recently is entirely wrong.

SnarkOff September 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Why pink? That's so gay.

randcoolcatdaddy September 24, 2012 at 10:35 am

"We would eat our pencils at school if they had nutritional value.”

During the Nixon administration we did. We had weekly rations of pencils and no condiments to make them palatable. They would lets us suck on sticks of chalk as a special treat.

In fact, we looked forward to eating those pencils after our ten mile walk to school in the snow.

Damn kids …

LesBontemps September 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

But what about the onion on your belt?

JustPixelz September 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

But the bastards never told us lead was poisonous!

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

I remember chewing down some pencils in 10th grade English; with that Shelly Mason and her tight jeans and tight sweater constantly squirming and writhing in the desk in front of me.

Did not learn a damn thing in class; could not concentrate.

mrblifil September 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"She nibbles her pencil…SHE'S HUMAN!!"

deanbooth September 24, 2012 at 10:35 pm

They taste like No. 2.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

I am guessing these kids are whiners.

kittensdontlie September 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

A couple days of carrying their own lunch, and they will learn a valuable lesson.

ChillBill September 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

Daily Caller can write about kids whining cause it's a subject they are intimately familiar with.

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

We can't masturbate in line at the DMV anymore?

BornInATrailer September 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

There go my Sundays.

kyeshinka September 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

I was wondering why my picture is hanging up in there.

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

I always thought they were visual aids.

OneDollarJuana September 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

Well, you can, but …

SpeedoFart September 24, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Whoops! My bad!

Hera Sent Me September 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

Rightwingers already raise hell if schools teach kids about sex, or real science, or actual history, or how some of their classmates are gay and get over it already. And now schools teaching nutrition, and reinforcing it in the cafeteria, is also too much?

What can we teach kids without being accused of corrupting or oppressing them? How to identity corporate logos?

LesBontemps September 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

You can teach them Jeebus.

miss_grundy September 24, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Actually there's an app for that on my Kindle Fire….

Oblios_Cap September 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

The problem is likely not that school lunches are too small; it is that teenagers nowadays, like teenagers in every day that’s ever existed, are greedy, whiny little fuckers.

I blame Jesus.

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

After he gave out loaves and fishes, all the teenagers were like "Whoa, what the fuck is this? Whole grain?"

JustPixelz September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

But give him credit for starting the zombie craze.

Guppy September 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

"Make the little children suffer."

Designer_Rants September 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I have to keep telling myself to enjoy my very young children now, because someday I will hate them. (Or else I won't understand why everyone else hates them…)

EatsBabyDingos September 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Reaganesque response? Catsup smoothies: Now with more cat!

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

A vegetable and a protein source? Now that's economizing!

kittensdontlie September 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Stay clear of that green catsup…and I don't need to tell you why.

Chow Yun Flat September 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

As long as we have the opinions of noted nutritionist Zach Eck it's good enough for me.

SorosBot September 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

That still sounds better than the cardboard covered with semi-melted rubber that my grade school claimed was pizza.

joshleefolsom September 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

I LOVED that shit!

poorgradstudent September 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I do miss the strawberry milk, which I swear I haven't been able to find anywhere else. It haunts me…

TavariousChinaSmith September 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

Here's a tip from the future, kids. When you hit 40, you might actually be glad that you weren't allowed to shove unlimited carbs into your food-hole when you were in high school.

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

This may be a democratic Trojan horse: get them all doughy and then sneak universal healthcare through in 20 years when they all clamor for their insulin. Mmm, yes, the long game…

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

Maybe, but the whole deal works better when you don't need the insulin.

Let them eat veggies.

EatsBabyDingos September 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

Huh. When I was a kid in Texas, we got chigger nuggets.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Ah, cool. In Louisiana we got Mosquito nuggets. What did your's taste like?

EatsBabyDingos September 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

Scorpion drumsticks

fartknocker September 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

True story: once a month my school served Frito Chili Pie. Say what you want about corporate branding, I'm still a fan of this meal.

Weenus299 September 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

They're not chiggers, they're chigroes.

LibertyLover September 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

I grew up in the Panhandle of Texas. We had fried cockroaches with jalapeno sauce.

cheetojeebus September 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Horrible runny peanut butter sandwichs with mollasses on the whitest fucking bread ever made. in a "temporary" building built during the 30s . Some kids would choose a whole tray of biscuits covered in white gravy. Ahhh Texas in the 60s.

memzilla September 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

So let me get this straight:

Gummint telling people what they can do with their vaginas, GOOD.
Gummint telling people what they can do with their stomachs, BAD.

Okay, then.

eaglewon September 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

the gummit telling kids to eat healthy lunches will still allow them the freedom to bring their own lunches if they want.
but the gummit preventing women from having abortions does not allow them the freedom to go ahead and have one if they want.

okay, then?

kissawookiee September 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Maybe we should push the science of "babby grows in mommy's tummy" a little harder.

fawkedifiknow September 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

I would place those sniveling little shits squarely within the 47%: Victims who will never accept any personal responsibility to not get as fucking fat as Rush Limbaugh.

calliecallie September 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

AND they don't pay taxes. Moochers!

Chow Yun Flat September 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

It's a slippery slope. Today: Not getting all the chicken nuggets you want.

Tomorrow: the iron heel of fascism on your neck.

LesBontemps September 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Um, not geting all the chicken nuggets you want is the iron heel of fascism on your neck, no?

eaglewon September 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

they can always go to mcdonalds after class, dipsh#t. Do yourself a favor and do a 180 with that pistol, ok, now pull.

MosesInvests September 24, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Uh, dude, might want to get your sarcasm meter recalibrated.

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

And you got upfisted for that?

ManchuCandidate September 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

Lunchroom Lady Doris sez: "More testicles mean more iron!"

Terry September 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

"“Now they’re kind of forcing all the students to get the vegetables and fruit with their lunch, and they took out chicken nuggets this year, which I’m not too happy about,” Chris Cimino, a senior at Mohonasen High School in upstate New York, told the Associated Press, which gave the rules a “mixed grade.”"

OMG, the horror! Ask the kids what they think about homework and having to study.

EatsBabyDingos September 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Well, if the little janitors worked harder, they could have Vienna Sausages once a week, or maybe sneak into the Biology lab for a fetal pig roast.

freakishlywrong September 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

These fat, whiny fucks wouldn't know real hunger if it bit them on the neck. Suck it up, assholes, have your fourth meal at home.

kittensdontlie September 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm

These ingrates are feasting courtesy of my property tax dollars, and they are going to eat what is put in front of them.

hagajim September 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

Curly fries with nacho cheese…the Wonkette had it good. My lunch was usually Nacho Cheese Doritos and a Pepsi, and that was before the Doritos came in the 48 oz. size..

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Grade 9, every day- peanut butter and honey sammich from home.

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

Chicken nuggets aren't a vegetable?

JustPixelz September 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

"Vegetables are what food eats." — The Nuge or someone like him.

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Actually, they can be. My wife bought some frozen vegetarian 'chicken' nuggets a couple months ago. They weren't horrible; just not as good as the original chicken-fat enhanced product.

Boojum September 24, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It's not like the chickens actually move. They might as well be planted.

Jennyjen798 September 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm

No but they are usually cooked in delicious plant fats…Close enough!

Terry September 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

OMG, I made the mistake of looking at the comments on that article. I need to go scrub my eyes.

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

There's always the emergency room.

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

New use for eyewash stations!

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

Why does Michelle Obama want to starve American children?

eaglewon September 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

when I was a kid everyone was thin, we had only one fat girl in our class, now days you're lucky to find one skinny kid in class.

Incitefully_Joe September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Hahahaha, no, really, what? Kids don’t like school lunch…so they bring their own lunch? That’s how school lunch works and has always worked. I mean, for fuck’s sake, people.

I was going to make a comment, but this really summed up everything I could think to say on this matter.

Pithaughn September 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Or, or , they could work in the school cafeteria at lunch washing dishes or what have you ( as Pith and his homeys did ) and scarf down all the leftovers to your hearts desire! When you swim upwards of 7 miles a day one will do just about anything for second breakfast, second lunch and second dinner. 5 squares a day and we still turned heads in our speedos.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

OT: sorta. Mom used to drop me and my little brother off at school at 6:30 AM. Then, we'd wait til 5:30 PM for her to pick us up. I am not sure I ever complained to my hardworking widowed Mom that I didn't get enough to eat at lunch.

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

You two must have had a lot of extra library time.

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

KAKETV in Kansas is an affiliate with SHOOTMETV in Arizona.

memzilla September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

KGUN-TV, close enough as makes no difference. Station motto: "On your side."

White people go in, crazies come out. Who can explain it?

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

must be Jeezus.

fartknocker September 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

But Congress specifically added language that makes pizza a food group because frozen food manufacturers can add more tomato sauce, causing it to be classified as a vegetable.
http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/277-75/84

SorosBot September 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

"Now they’re kind of forcing all the students to get the vegetables and fruit with their lunch"

Who is paying for those school lunches again?

OneDollarJuana September 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

When I was a kid, we got navy bean soup, which we universally dumped in the trash until they stopped serving it.

When my dad was a kid, they got butter pats, which they blew onto the ceiling with their straws so that on the warmer days it dripped onto the unsuspecting.

Weenus299 September 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Deep-fried everything. Fast and cheap. Except for the racks of square pizza. That was baked.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

If we ate everything on our tray, the Lunch Lady, Mrs. Poole, would give us as much red beans and rice as we wanted. She made the BEST red beans and rice.

zumpie September 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

Maybe they'd be happier with Soylent Green???

That said, I haz confused…haven't the wingnuts for years bitched about how dare districts try to get more $$$ to fund school lunch programs, how one can easily and cheaply (which is true) make lunch at home for your kid, how this is welfare entitlement, etc…

But now that the lunches are a way for Kenyan Muslin Usurpers to mind control our kids, well….all bets are OFF!!!

Toomush_Infer September 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

We pretty much hated school lunch in the 50's, the 60's – it tasted like shit burgers, except that there were never any burgers and lots of reconstituted potatoes….I believe I remember a sit-down strike at some point in the 60's- resulting in nothing….

eaglewon September 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

wow, you went to a crappy school, we had hot meals every day, tasty main courses, sides of veggies, milk or juice, fruit, and the best tasting butter shortbread cookies on the planet. Everyone had to buy an extra cookie to take home, they were so good. This was an average middle class school in oklahoma. Friday was fast day, burgers, or hotdogs, chips, chili, corn on the cob, fries, stuff like that.

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

Needz moar Rafalca steaks.

MadBrahms September 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

What is this, socialist Quebec?

no_gravity September 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Let them eat whatever the fuck they want. I like seeing first graders that weigh more than me.

Weenus299 September 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Shit. In the Reagan administration I was given a chicken-patty sandwich, a teeny tiny small bag of crinkle-cut fries, and that was it.By contrast, I visit my son's and daughter's school cafeteria regularly, and holy shit, the food available — salad, fruit and vegetables in addition to baked meats and such — is amazing. They eat better than I do.

BerkeleyBear September 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

That's generally my take too, although my son still finds ways to make it less healthy (eating extra mainly). What makes me sad, though, is all the kids I see eating nothing but crap for lunch – I'm talking about kids with two large bottles of soda and chips, and nothing else. My son's school is both a technical magnate (why we are sending him – it isn't great, but better than going to an "academic" school where he'll get lost and hate it) and an inner city school, and the local kids break my heart (and scare me a little). You could totally set an uplifting "Stand by Me" type movie there, if you ever found a good story to tell.

poorgradstudent September 24, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I went to school during the Reagan/Bush I era too and I still have flashbacks to how nasty the pizza was. It was like something that had been reheated four times in a row (and probably was).

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:18 pm

In the school in which I teach, 20 years ago the hamburgers were all cooked at 9 am, then kept warm til 11:30. Ugh. Here in Ontario we've had healthy menus mandated- but we also have a 2 pizza joints, one at either end right across the street, and 2 burger places out in front. So the kids are voting with their feet.

Goonemeritus September 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

I hear North Korean students are complaining about their lunches as well. Is this a typical problem in all tyrannical communist dictatorships?

Oblios_Cap September 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

There's no such thing as a free lunch, kiddies.

Being an Oldz, I miss the old days when our parents used to beat us. Now I know why they did.

calliecallie September 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

"The problem is likely not that school lunches are too small; it is that teenagers nowadays, like teenagers in every day that’s ever existed, are greedy, whiny little fuckers who we love dearly both because they are the future of the race and because they’re gonna be…"

out of the house in a few years.

And probably the meals ARE too small. My son is 16 and honest to God I cannot keep him fed. He eats about six meals a day, almost all of them after school. He drinks easily a half gallon of milk a day. And between water polo and basketball and walking to school, he is not even close to obese. Take that MIchelle Obama!

azeyote September 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

if he has to walk home afterwards then he must eat 7 meals and some snacks too.

Lascauxcaveman September 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

If water polo, basketball and walking to school were required courses, most kids could eat like yours and stay fit.

Chow Yun Flat September 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Next thing the socialist school bosses will do is set up a class schedule that will make teenagers wake up in the morning.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Haven't had a daughter that we really didn't need to discipline much I was never able to use the old standard "This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you". Uh, yeah, sure Dad.

bikerlaureate September 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I am so sick of this unprecedented nanny-state soshulism fascism taking over every aspect of our lives.

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm

When my older son missed the bus, it was NEVER his fault, oh no! Why couldn't the bus accommodate itself to his schedule?

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

HAHAHA kiddies, chicken nuggets are made out of soybeans, tripe, and pink slime!

Designer_Rants September 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I thought they were made out of whiny fat kids that let their lunch account balances go delinquent.

GeorgiaBurning September 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

Daily Caller will next reveal that every night it gets dark outside, and how Obama is to blame

Wadisay September 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Obama can kiss goodbye to his chances of carrying Kansas.

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

That might be best. With these little tubbies living there he might stain something.

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:21 pm

And yet his mom's family comes from there!

Gorillionaire September 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

When I worked in a hospital, the youngish adults in the substance abuse ward complained about the food the exact same way. Can't even tell you how many times I heard the words "oh man I hate vegetables!". Of course we are talking about people who would shoot concrete mix into their veins if they thought they could get high on it for three minutes.

iburl September 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

So, their main complaint seems to be that the food served is in insufficient quantities, and not, as in my youth, that it is disgusting and inedible… progress!!

I'm supposed to eat breakfast this week at my kid's elementary school and "not enough" is not my main concern.

FakaktaSouth September 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Here in Fatabama, the kids can get all kinds of stuff to go with their lunch, not as PART of it, but just, you know, on the counter if you got the cash in your lunch account. I had a mom actually tell me it was the school lunches making her son fat, but I mean, that didn't mean she was gonna start DOING anything about it, like making his lunch or not letting him also eat the entire pantry after school – who doesn't love a beautiful scapegoat?

Jus_Wonderin September 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

"who doesn't love a beautiful scapegoat?"

Especially deep fried. MMMMMM.

Wadisay September 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Mitt Romney used to bring his own pate and an exquisite roquefort to Deerfield. When he "had a little Mexican", it was his laundress.

memzilla September 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Also, he lunched on Pheasant Nuggets.

LibertyLover September 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

Put a plate of chicken nuggets in front of a room full of vegans, and when you come back in, at least two will be gone.

Two nuggets? Or Two vegans? Will the other vegans have eaten the two unlucky vegans? Or will the two vegans have just left the room on their own in search of some sustenance after being forced to look at a plate of chicken nuggets or because boredom?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Mittens Howell, III September 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

Stop it!

These children have it easy, in our elite private school we were served lobster thermidore, polenta with veal stock and caviar, and a small platter of fine chocolate truffles hand-rolled by poor people.

If we didn't eat everything on our plate (or bribe the cafeteria peasants) we weren't allowed to go on the field trip to the country club that week.

Signed, Ann.

LesBontemps September 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Let them eat KAKE-TV.

GregComlish September 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

Incredible: The President of the blessed United States of the America is helping high school boys everywhere by keeping young bodies tighter, asses firmer, faces clearer, and the only thing that Republican losers like Chris Cimino and Zach Eck can do is lament losing out on mechanically separated chicken. For Godsakes, grow a dick!

valthemus September 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

It had always been my understanding that if you put 100 monkeys in front of 100 typewriters they would eventually bang out a copy of Hamlet. Are Daily Caller articles some kind of intermediate step on the way to a finished play?

docterry6973 September 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

If you play Fox News in the background, monkees start pounding out Daily Caller articles after the first hour or two.

Peckerwood_Pete September 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

I still crave the tater tots from my high school cafeteria… that and the Mexican style pizza…. god knows what either were made out of…. but what I wouldn't give to eat that processed shit again!

prommie September 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

I want my country back! Mexican hats for lunch, and Beef-a-roni!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

“This year, we’ll be hungry by 2:00,” one student, Zach Eck, told KAKETV in Kansas.

This describes me every day of my fucking life since forever. That's why string cheese was invented.

SpeedoFart September 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Seriously, try being 8½ months pregnant. I'd be thrilled to only be hungry at 2, as opposed to noon, 1, 1:15, 1:25, 1:31…

viennawoods13 September 24, 2012 at 6:24 pm

My husband and I were strolling through the mall when I was several months pregnant. "I'm hungry," I say
"Okay," he says, "We'll go to the food court in a while."
He learned his lesson. When a pregnant woman says she's hungry, you go NOW!!

johnnyzhivago September 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

When noBama's re-elected it will be arugula and broccoli EVERY DAY!

Allmighty_Manos September 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

I dropped out of school when they told me I couldn't pack Old Ides in my lunchbox anymore. I blame the USDA for my fate.

joshleefolsom September 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Bet you a buck they make the same complaints at home. Commie parents!
Ian Frazier reads "Laws Concerning Food and Drink … " http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNrQFgWcCd0

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

But nuggets are one of the four food groups!

docterry6973 September 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Asparagus nuggets. Yummy.

Guppy September 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

“This year, we’ll be hungry by 2:00,”

Which, as I recall, is about the time they get out of school anyway.

But, of course, if you're really left that hungry, perhaps you should be eating breakfast at school as well…

a_pink_poodle September 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Children not understanding the long term benefits of vegetables in a healthy diet, let alone the long term benefits of anything? This is completely unprecedented!

GregComlish September 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

Seriously, you think anybody from the Government ever did anything to increase the supply of available quality pussy when I was in high school? Fucking ingrates. The only thing I ever got from Federal Government in my high school was bullshit Abstinance Only "sex education". Which is, when you think about it, basically a Federally-funded Cockblock with the explicit goal of preventing high school girls from sleeping with you by manufacturing shame.

And these kids have the gall to complain about fresh fruits and vegetables? Fine, have all the shitty chicken you want. You can shove that disgusting, extruded, hormone-injected, estrogren rich garbage right up your ass for all I care. But if you ever make another move to compromise the American Pussy Supply again, I will beat your dickless body with a lead pipe.

pdiddycornchips September 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I suppose I was lucky. I grew up in Vegas in the 70's. Pussy was everywhere 24/7.
They served pussy in our cafeteria. Every time I took my dick out to pee, there was a pussy waiting to devour it. I'm sure there was a good reason for why I left but it escapes me now.

GregComlish September 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

"Grandpa! Grandpa! Tell us again about the Vegas Vagina Glut of the 1972!"

DahBoner September 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

1982: Let them eat ketchup.

2012: Let them eat organic vegetables fresh from Michelle's garden.

Are you better off now than under a brain-dead Zombie Republican???

ttommyunger September 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Heh, heh…..If they only knew what part of the chicken the Nugget was.

mbobier September 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

I bet these whiny kids don't pay income tax, either.

Naked_Bunny September 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

Students at a local school are staging a lunch protest by bringing their own food.

Wow! Who knew my old Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox was a political statement?

ElPinche September 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

American kids are big fat fucks. Shut up and do your homework fatties!

MacRaith September 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

It's true. My son never complained about his school lunch when George W. Bush was president!

(My son is currently in second grade, BTW.)

docterry6973 September 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

I think the little darlings need more shepherd's pie, because I got plenty of that in my school lunches and it stuck to your ribs like nobody's business. You got bursts of flavor for hours after, as a reminder. We also got square chunks of surplus peanut butter, about the size of a deck of cards and sprinkled with powdered sugar. I would pay to snarf down one of those again. The shepherd's pie, not so much.

fuflans September 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

they're complaining about 850 calories for lunch?

jesus christ no wonder we're obese.

pdiddycornchips September 24, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Just you wait until after this election. When Mitt wins, every skool will serve nothing but Chick a Fil nuggets, Tater Tots and deep fried Twinkies. Our children will finally know the meaning of true freedom. I for one dream of the day when our children leave grade school the size of Rush Limbaugh and as intelligent as Ross Douthat.

JohnnyQuick September 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Ahem, I know some people at the Daily Caller. All they would have to do is donate some of their excessive calories to these starving children.

But then the Daily Caller staffers might live longer! It's a conundrum.

eaglewon September 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

students pay for their own lunches, only 7 percent eat free. And since the government runs the schools they get to decide what's on the menu. Don't like it, then bring your own lunch. Get it?

SorosBot September 24, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Yeah, that was my point; the government provides the lunches, they get to decide what's in them. It's called sarcasm.

sarjo September 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Sarca…WHUH??? Don't do that here!!!

bikerlaureate September 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Not so much…

Children from families with income of over 185 percent of poverty [level] pay a full price, though their meals are still subsidized to some extent.

poorgradstudent September 24, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Maybe their next expose can be about how nerdy kids hate gym and see it as a brutal fascist invention.

SorosBot September 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

As if the schools have gym anymore! Or art or music classes; god the gutting of our education budgets to pay for tax cuts for the rich sucks. Thanks, Reagan and Bush!

AnnieB346 September 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

This is not at all funny for school cafeteria managers and their workers. Government subsidies – both financial and in the form of food – only make up half the average school cafeteria's budget. Because of cuts in funding, most cafeterias are not accounted for in a district's general budget. In other words, the cafeteria system is expected to pay for itself. If the cafeteria doesn't break even, cafeteria workers lose their jobs. SO, a drop in the number of students buying lunch is a BFD for cafeteria managers. It's easy to joke about a situation, but very difficult to find a solution that works for everybody.

mrblifil September 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Let them eat Rafalca.

BarackMyWorld September 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Fat kids are fat.

SpeedoFart September 24, 2012 at 1:12 pm

As an upstate New Yorker, I can confirm that the kids at Mohonasen are indeed entitled, whiny, privileged little suburban shits who wouldn't know "want" or "hunger" if it bit them on the asshole.

Jerri September 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Puh-to-the-leeeze, babies. When I was in school, the Food Court model was just starting up in our district, so we had stations (no brand names) for food and it was all terrible. For vegetarian options, if you didn't have the iceberg lettuce salad and bland, freezing cold vegetables from the salad bar, you could have cheese pizza (tasted like hot cardboard with grease on top), or mashed potatoes (tasted like lukewarm, squishy, potato flavored goop.)

In short, suck it up, children.

Also are these precious snowflakes complaining about a lunch that caps out at 850 calories? Because that seems like a lot to me.

rocktonsam September 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

this is good news for playground bullies everywhere.

HAHA

Designer_Rants September 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Pizza is still a "vegetable" though, right?

thefrontpage September 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

My children, Kaitleighn, Britttenniegh, and Taighlehr (pronounced Taylor), attend Herbert Hoover Junior High School in Gaithersburg, Md., and this is the school lunch menu for this week:

Monday: Chicken fingers, french fries, apple crisps, salad, milk. Brownie dessert.

Tuesday: Chicken stew, mashed pototoes, apple pie, garden salad, milk. Fudge dessert.

Wednesday: Chicken soup, pototo latkes, apple-cinnamon tart, Ceasar salad, milk. Brownie-fudge cookie dessert.

Thursday: Chicken pot pie, fried-grease potato slices, apple-cinnamon pastry, Roman salad, milk. Chocolate surprise dessert.

Friday: Chicken sandwiches, potato stew, applesauce, Mixed greens salad, milk. Chocolate-brownie fudge sticks dessert.

# # #

banana_bread September 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

You're not kidding about chicken nuggets. My five-year-old is obsessed with chicken nuggets. Hell, she will eat anything if I can convince her it's some sort of nugget.

Sassomatic September 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

This is the civil rights issue of a generation. Seriously, fuck these kids.

bydesign001 September 25, 2012 at 12:57 am

Just another Progressive scam as the “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do”Obamas would never think of feeding their children this crap.
http://pumabydesign001.com/2012/03/10/nanny-state

As such, it is the mind of elitists.

danicalifornication September 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

it's an obamanation!!!

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