The Bidens Are Bogarting All The Sex

  dept. of duh

If there are three things about Old Handsome Joe Biden that Dr. Jill Biden loves, they are his optimism, his determination, and his foot-long penis. Look how flustered she is, like a giddy schoolgirl! Seems like someone got a stiff talking to just today! [Gawker]

[Updated 6/5/2013 with video that isn't broken]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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209 comments

  1. SmutBoffin

    Q: "What did the guy with the enormous wang have for breakfast?"

    A: "Today, Joe Biden had eggs and toast."

        1. paxromanaclef

          Prettttttty sure it's an Arrested Development reference to Anne ("Her?") on that show, but I only figured that out like 2 days ago. And I could still be wrong.

  2. Barbara_

    If his dick is that big it is no wonder he takes the Amtrak train. If he flew he'd have to check it as luggage.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        Joe always buys two seats – and he has to push the dick-seat back. And Joe don't need no Airline nuts – he's already packing some serious nuttage

    1. MissTaken

      “I’m going to get a pie here,” Biden said, walking over to the boxes and putting on his aviator glasses to examine the pies.

      Old Handsome Joe can munch my pie anytime he likes.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    Thanks Becca. From now on when I'm supposed to be paying attention to our Vice President's important press (hmmm) conference soundbites (ouch) and ascertaining the thrust of his witty comebacks, I'm just gonna be looking at Joe's manly hands.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Well his lady is a teacher, yes? So I'm sure more than once he's had to answer for his *dangling modifier* by letting loose on her *split infinitive**

        **™Florence King

  4. MacRaith

    She almost lost it again near the end, on the line "I've heard the urgency in his voice when he comes."

    Damn, but you just know Joe's getting some action tonight!

  5. Goonemeritus

    It’s nice to see the Biden’s holding up the fine tradition of sexual performance in the executive branch.

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      I'm thinking it's Jill that is getting hosed tonight and I'm sure she's perfectly happy about it…

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I can see Jill Biden right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove.

      (You steal my avatar's lines, I'll steal yours)

  6. kittensdontlie

    Joe has managed to infect Jill with his spontaneous-gaff syndrome–and in this case, the cure is to forego the injection.

  7. MacRaith

    You know what this video is missing? Michelle Obama should have been there. She could have responded, "Yeah? Well, I've seen Barack up close, honey," as she waves her hands even farther apart. "There's a reason my man is #1 and yours is #2."

  8. AlterNewt

    So it IS a big fucking deal.

    EDIT/ Apologies to savethispatient, who beat me to it. I didn't catch it the first time around.

  9. Doktor Zoom

    Cue the outrage about Joe & Jill's filthy minds which makes them a stain on the honor of the office of the vice-presidency….

    (haha…"honor of the vice-presidency"!)

  10. natoslug

    So . . . Biden's wife gets breathless talking about her husband's penis and the Romney's wife complains about her husband's lack of stiffness . . . I think I am starting to understand why Republicans work so hard to legislate misery. Could the solution to gridlock in Congress, all of this legislation in favor of corporate citizens and detrimental to human citizen from the conservative side be to hire a few (hundred? thousand?) sex therapists, set up candy bowls of Viagra in congressional and senate offices and get these guys and gals a good lay every once in a while? If nothing else, perhaps they'd learn to shout YES!!!! every once in a while and maybe we could get a jobs bill passed.

      1. natoslug

        Then she's sending mixed messages. The last I heard was that he's not stiff. Is Egg getting Mitt and Rafalca mixed up again?

        1. Boojum

          Huh? The damn thing is like a topographical map; you can tell where everything is by touch!

          Edit: I don't mean yours, in particular; I refer to them generally.

  11. docterry6973

    Transcript of Biden's remarks: Thanks for stopping by, folks. Enjoy the snacks. Jill and I will be in the bus.

  12. UW8316154

    THIS!! This is fucking awesome!

    Hey there, Egg Ryan, suck on Handsome Joe's footlong if it's so hard for you.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      better not have those transparent podiums
      "Congressman, unlike you, Little Joe here really can do a 3 hour marathon……"

  13. fuflans

    dr jill looks just fantastic in those little sheath dresses. i realize they are not as elegant as a big wraparound fish shirt, but still pretty sweet.

    1. Isyaignert

      Joe hit it out of the park when he married Dr. Jill. I fondly remember when he told the world he said, "Honey, you're a knockout!"

    2. bobbert

      She is just cute, and evidently quick as a whip. Just look at her react to the crowd's "Ar har har". Didn't freeze. Didn't try to ignore it. Just played through, charmingly.

      I'm 64. I assure you that in my lifetime we have never had a First and Second Lady of such quality.**

      ** The quality of being regular human beings.

  14. calliecallie

    I have loved Joe Biden since the Anita Hill witch trials. So awkward and diplomatic on the topic of pubic hair, he was. Who knew he was hung like Hercules?

    This only makes me love him more.

    1. HELisforHEL

      He was very nice when my Mom worked his first campaigns a million years ago. And he appears to have remained pretty damn genuine.

  15. HogeyeGrex

    Fucking brilliant in so many ways.

    An audience who caught that and reacted to it.

    Jill just going with it anyhow.

    Joe trying not to die chuckling behind her, and failing.

    So full of win.

    1. docterry6973

      Now THAT is how you handle a gaffe. Make a joke and move along. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants.

      Seriously, can there be any doubt that those two crazy kids are in love?

      1. bobbert

        Thank you for the little seltzer down the pants. I didn't watch much MTM, but I did see that, and it was cool.

  16. WhatTheHeck

    When Joe has his v.p. debate with Ryan, all he has to say, as he reaches for his notes, is, “Excuse me while I just whip this out,” and that should just about settle it.

  17. glamourdammerung

    I have a hunch that The Biden slipped that one in there.

    But just look at the guy's smile. The Biden smiles like a man with a foot long penis.

  18. randomsausage

    Jill is GILF-tastic. I bet Smokin' Joe gets her to dress up in a Doctor's outfit. I know she can examine me anytime.

  19. Nesnora

    Best part— when she rushes over the word "comes" and one lady loses her shit and guffaws in the audience.

  20. VeraSevera

    Thank you for that, Jill. A true Biden moment. And you not only didn't run FROM it, you ran WITH it! And now we know what the problem with Ann Romney is that's been so hard to put a finger on. She HASN'T seen Mittens up close, not for a long, time. Not since she lost those reading glasses….

  21. docterry6973

    Now THAT is how you handle a gaffe. Make a joke and move along. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants.

    But hey, anyone can see that those two crazy kids are in love.

  22. kingcocrazy

    Handsome Joe Biden is one lucky guy. Jill is hotter than the proverbial $10 pistol and smart as hell, too.

  23. Negropolis

    I love this woman; I really do.

    That audience has a dirty mind. Mine didn't go dirty until "the urgency in his voice when he comes."

    PS: Sarah Palin, eat your fucking heart out.

  24. bobbert

    This is so fucking cute. And spontaneous. And, you know, a teeny bit risque. Dr Jill is shown to be a regular person. Ol' Handsome just lets her work her way out of it.

    I would love to meet these folks. I would only want to meet the Ryans if it gave me an opportunity to punch Pauly in the nuts.

Comments are closed.