If there are three things about Old Handsome Joe Biden that Dr. Jill Biden loves, they are his optimism, his determination, and his foot-long penis. Look how flustered she is, like a giddy schoolgirl! Seems like someone got a stiff talking to just today! [Gawker]
DEPT. OF DUH 3:45 pm September 21, 2012
The Bidens Are Bogarting All The Sex
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{ 209 comments }
. . . in bed.
the urgency in his voice when he comes
Haha – that was my favorite part!
I love the way he laughed and shook his head when she said that, too.
Well, not ALL the sex. I still have my right hand.
Use your left, it is just like Dr. Jill.
Its the right hand of fellowship.
A laurel. And hearty handshake to you.
You should ask your right hand to introduce you at events.
Do you carry a picture of your hand in your wallet?
There's a reason we keep loving Crazy Uncle Joe.
Does Lauren Bacall know about this?
That's just Joe being………JESUS CHRIST WOULDYA LOOK AT THAT THING!
Ay! Joe! Put that thing away before you put someone's eye out!
Q: "What did the guy with the enormous wang have for breakfast?"
A: "Today, Joe Biden had eggs and toast."
Why did you have to bring Ann Rmoney into this?
TBH, I don't understand the "Egg" joke can someone explain it to dumb me?
Prettttttty sure it's an Arrested Development reference to Anne ("Her?") on that show, but I only figured that out like 2 days ago. And I could still be wrong.
I also, too, saw Ayn referenced as Egg but I can't remember where. Might have this site or HuffPo.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/…
Look at Ann Veal under Supporting Characters.
It was not funny to make me think about Joe Biden's big strong "heart".
This is a BIG fuckin' deal!
Pause.
Remember, the heart is just a “pump.”
Joe is literally hung like a horse.
Is that a requirement for Vice Presidents nowadays?
Paul Ryan promises to rescind that on day one.
Some say horses are hung like a Biden.
He is the most interesting penis in the world.
Comment deleted, joke made previously down the thread.
Better than hung like a chair.
Oooo…a callback…me like.
Obviously Dr. Jill isn't a feminazi.
Exactly.
I figured I couldn't be the first one who thought of this.
Jill vs. Ann illustrates love vs. a business arrangement.
The closed captioning is really hilarious.
I swear, YouTube could be Tosh.0 with the CC alone.
Kinks the cats really.
You know what the funniest thing about Tosh.o is?
*crickets chirping*
Everything?
Rush Limpdick is jealous.
it's twue, it's twue, what they say about guys from scranton.
O sweet mystery of life at last I've found you…
To borrow one of my Latin bf's euphemisms: "Smilin' Joe is a *substantial* man…"
… LADIES
I believe he calls it his Big Fucking Deal.
That's what Jill calls it.
'I've heard the urgency in his voice when he cums…" – Jill Biden
Jill's blush could solve the energy crisis.
If his dick is that big it is no wonder he takes the Amtrak train. If he flew he'd have to check it as luggage.
Or buy it a ticket
Joe always buys two seats – and he has to push the dick-seat back. And Joe don't need no Airline nuts – he's already packing some serious nuttage
He still has to leave the connecting doors open between the cars.
And ask the engineer to slow down around tight curves.
"Open the trunk!"
Relevant!
Daaaammnn, Joe — if I was hung like that I wouldn't care what I said, either.
Ah, the feminazis missed shortening Joey's dick then? Oops…
What if they didn't miss? Imagine that!
They might send that Amish guy over to finish the job.
She wants it. You can see it in her eyes.
Wants it, hell — she gets it.
Meanwhile Paul Ryan's is the size of a standard match.
Does he drive a Hummer?
Liar liar pants on fire.
Those two just locked up all the Shwing States.
He's always walked softly.
I'll just leave this here: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/09/its-…
God, the Dems sure are winning the personality contest this time around, aren't they?
“I’m going to get a pie here,” Biden said, walking over to the boxes and putting on his aviator glasses to examine the pies.
Old Handsome Joe can munch my pie anytime he likes.
Hey!
Hell, even I would let him get to 3rd base. Women can't resist the power of joe!
I was half-expecting to read as the next line "The staff lined up in front of Biden"
Srsly! And what are they gonna do with a 37-lb pumpkin?
Um, spill its seed?
Adding "…and I'll have one of those circle-shapped desserts, as well."
GET SOME!!!
Thanks Becca. From now on when I'm supposed to be paying attention to our Vice President's important press (hmmm) conference soundbites (ouch) and ascertaining the thrust of his witty comebacks, I'm just gonna be looking at Joe's manly hands.
He's looking for a sector to apply his stimulus to.
Well his lady is a teacher, yes? So I'm sure more than once he's had to answer for his *dangling modifier* by letting loose on her *split infinitive**
**™Florence King
She almost lost it again near the end, on the line "I've heard the urgency in his voice when he comes."
Damn, but you just know Joe's getting some action tonight!
I was surprised she didn't just go give him a lap dance right there.
Those crazy kids!
See, this is why guys drive convertibles.
Joe never fuckin' stops talking, apparently.
Me? I'm usually reduced to monosyllables by then
Oh, Gawd. Thanks, Editrix, I needed a laugh like that.
Rafalca weeps.
"Hey buddy, I'l bet you $20 I can make that horse laugh…"
My new novel: Rafalca Shrugs.
Apparently biker women agree (Their biker men, not so much).
Where are the fact checkers now? heeeeggghhhhhh?
"It's twue! It's twue!"
And where have you been? Thumbs just for showing up!
If I was married to their daughter, I'd be bogarting all the sex too. Rowrrrrr….
Deeply personal. Drives him to make a difference. Dems just further exploiting the gender gap.
She is so darn cute. I bet she was blushing the whole time.
It’s nice to see the Biden’s holding up the fine tradition of sexual performance in the executive branch.
Sounds like Joe's packin' the "executive branch"…
He's packed the whole damn trunk!
'It's deeply….deeply…personal…."….some speechwriter's getting hosed tonight….
I'm thinking it's Jill that is getting hosed tonight and I'm sure she's perfectly happy about it…
Are you kidding? Joe's giving that speechwriter a raise!
(In his paycheck.)
(With votes.)
Women sense my power, but I deny them my essence.
Settle down, have a glass of water….better?…
I can see Jill Biden right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove.
(You steal my avatar's lines, I'll steal yours)
Well bowled, sir.
Totally OT, but I have a cat named after you.
Cafflicks never deny essence.
You remember what Spiro Agnew's wife said about him?
That he was a giant prick at home, too?
Um… "Off! Get OFF, goddammit!!!"
(just guessing)
Hung like a hamster?
You remember what Dan Quayle's wife said about him?
(hint: http://swampland.time.com/2010/08/25/the-coattail…
Joe has managed to infect Jill with his spontaneous-gaff syndrome–and in this case, the cure is to forego the injection.
I think she might want the injection, just guessing from the way they looked at each other.
You know what this video is missing? Michelle Obama should have been there. She could have responded, "Yeah? Well, I've seen Barack up close, honey," as she waves her hands even farther apart. "There's a reason my man is #1 and yours is #2."
And then they get into an underpants pillow fight, right?
Cue the Lou Rawls' tape: "You'll never find…a 'love' as big as mine…"
So one guy has a dancing horse and the other guy has a VP who's hung like one?
Delaware, where men are men and horses cry.
Better than Montana, where men are men and sheep are nervous.
Oh, see, here back East, that's Cornell.
There's a reason it's the only Ivy with a veterinary dept.
or Minneapolis, where doves cry…
"I've learned to appreciate everything about Joe: all the special nooks and crannies of his Scranton…"
This must mean that Dr. Jill can get a tax deduction for Uncle Joe …
$77,000 if he can make it dance…
So it IS a big fucking deal.
EDIT/ Apologies to savethispatient, who beat me to it. I didn't catch it the first time around.
This IS a big fucking deal.
Get a room, you two.
Cue the outrage about Joe & Jill's filthy minds which makes them a stain on the honor of the office of the vice-presidency….
(haha…"honor of the vice-presidency"!)
Honor. Offer. And all thru the night it was honor and offer.
Hey-oooo!
See also: "worth a bucket of warm piss."
Do you know where else the stain is? I'll bet Boehner hasn't found it yet.
Bless her heart.
And bless his hard.
Looks like Bull Moose Jackson can put away his big ten inch.
poor Rush, that penis envy must be killing him.
Poor Mitt. Ann is never this enthused.
If Joe told her once he told her a thousand times. "C'mon Jill, think before your speak!"
So . . . Biden's wife gets breathless talking about her husband's penis and the Romney's wife complains about her husband's lack of stiffness . . . I think I am starting to understand why Republicans work so hard to legislate misery. Could the solution to gridlock in Congress, all of this legislation in favor of corporate citizens and detrimental to human citizen from the conservative side be to hire a few (hundred? thousand?) sex therapists, set up candy bowls of Viagra in congressional and senate offices and get these guys and gals a good lay every once in a while? If nothing else, perhaps they'd learn to shout YES!!!! every once in a while and maybe we could get a jobs bill passed.
Wait – Ann did say it was hard….she also said to try it….
Then she's sending mixed messages. The last I heard was that he's not stiff. Is Egg getting Mitt and Rafalca mixed up again?
I think she said he's not stiff when unzipped?
Linky thing is broken!
I would go at least to 3rd base with Joe.
and the hits to the romney campaign just keep coming.
Those are pole numbers we can believe in.
Meanwhile, over at the unhappy campaign, Scott Walker Expresses 'frustration' with the Romney campaign. As the olds pick over what's left of Ryan, and the President takes the odd potshot at Mitt. I am amazed at how quickly the wheels seem to have come off Romney. I mean really. Larrison opines that "Movement Conservative Yes-Men Are Hastening Romney’s Defeat".
Cannot be hastened quickly enough…
Ha ha- He's hastening his own defeat!
I know Handsome Joe knows his way around a vagina, you can just tell that he loves pussy.
And who doesn't….?
My last boyfriend needed a fucking GPS.
Huh? The damn thing is like a topographical map; you can tell where everything is by touch!
Edit: I don't mean yours, in particular; I refer to them generally.
Um, I assume that's not Good Pussy Spoon…?
Correct. Mine is Golden Pussy Sunshine
Hey, I didn't know Jill Biden liked to fish!
Transcript of Biden's remarks: Thanks for stopping by, folks. Enjoy the snacks. Jill and I will be in the bus.
"And it *will* be rockin'. So, please – don't come knockin'. Thanks!"
Look at the camel on that schmuck!
the bawdy reign of power politics.
Dr. Jill, will you say a few words to the folks?
So, Rush and the Right are worried about their penises shrinking. Doesn't seem to be a problem for Democrats surrounded by all these strong women.
Conclusion: They must all be lesbians.
"Oooh! It's Twoo! It's Twoo!"
THIS!! This is fucking awesome!
Hey there, Egg Ryan, suck on Handsome Joe's footlong if it's so hard for you.
I hope this comes up during the debates. As it were.
better not have those transparent podiums
"Congressman, unlike you, Little Joe here really can do a 3 hour marathon……"
Outstanding!
"Schwing!"
dr jill looks just fantastic in those little sheath dresses. i realize they are not as elegant as a big wraparound fish shirt, but still pretty sweet.
no birds pecking at her nipples
Joe hit it out of the park when he married Dr. Jill. I fondly remember when he told the world he said, "Honey, you're a knockout!"
She is just cute, and evidently quick as a whip. Just look at her react to the crowd's "Ar har har". Didn't freeze. Didn't try to ignore it. Just played through, charmingly.
I'm 64. I assure you that in my lifetime we have never had a First and Second Lady of such quality.**
** The quality of being regular human beings.
I have loved Joe Biden since the Anita Hill witch trials. So awkward and diplomatic on the topic of pubic hair, he was. Who knew he was hung like Hercules?
This only makes me love him more.
He was very nice when my Mom worked his first campaigns a million years ago. And he appears to have remained pretty damn genuine.
Fucking brilliant in so many ways.
An audience who caught that and reacted to it.
Jill just going with it anyhow.
Joe trying not to die chuckling behind her, and failing.
So full of win.
Now THAT is how you handle a gaffe. Make a joke and move along. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants.
Seriously, can there be any doubt that those two crazy kids are in love?
Thank you for the little seltzer down the pants. I didn't watch much MTM, but I did see that, and it was cool.
They are adorable. We should all want to be like that when we are grandparents
Fucking and cracking jokes. Absolutely.
FINALLY WE GET TO THE SEXY PART!
They really are a great couple…
When Joe has his v.p. debate with Ryan, all he has to say, as he reaches for his notes, is, “Excuse me while I just whip this out,” and that should just about settle it.
I have a hunch that The Biden slipped that one in there.
But just look at the guy's smile. The Biden smiles like a man with a foot long penis.
Jill is GILF-tastic. I bet Smokin' Joe gets her to dress up in a Doctor's outfit. I know she can examine me anytime.
"Just lie back, relax, and let the good doctor help you"
Best part— when she rushes over the word "comes" and one lady loses her shit and guffaws in the audience.
And yes, Dr. Biden will happily take credit for building that.
Or "erecting" that, as it were.
Biden/Biden 2016
Rated: Mature
Well, I have 12" too but I don't use it as a rule.
A true socialist has 305 mm.
Thank you for that, Jill. A true Biden moment. And you not only didn't run FROM it, you ran WITH it! And now we know what the problem with Ann Romney is that's been so hard to put a finger on. She HASN'T seen Mittens up close, not for a long, time. Not since she lost those reading glasses….
Jill, you said a mouthful.
Now THAT is how you handle a gaffe. Make a joke and move along. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants.
But hey, anyone can see that those two crazy kids are in love.
That was adorable!
I loved this, how life affirming and beautiful.
Did he smack her on the ass on the way up to the podium?
Handsome Joe Biden is one lucky guy. Jill is hotter than the proverbial $10 pistol and smart as hell, too.
I love this woman; I really do.
That audience has a dirty mind. Mine didn't go dirty until "the urgency in his voice when he comes."
PS: Sarah Palin, eat your fucking heart out.
The crowd was really ready. If it was Wonkers, I'm disappointed I didn't get an invite.
She is adorable. The more I see of both of them, the more I love and admire them.
Hahaha, they are just the best!
This is so fucking cute. And spontaneous. And, you know, a teeny bit risque. Dr Jill is shown to be a regular person. Ol' Handsome just lets her work her way out of it.
I would love to meet these folks. I would only want to meet the Ryans if it gave me an opportunity to punch Pauly in the nuts.
Obama/Biden: The Kielbasa Kings.
That was too close… you were almost a Jill sandwich.
Oh, Lizzie, there you go again…..
Sounds like Harlem Nights.
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