bruuuuuuuce

Olds Tear Paul Ryan Into Bloody Paul Ryan Chunks At AARP Conference

They were hungry. So hungry. It was like the nurses and the porters at their “retirement” “communities” — jails, each and every one of them — were doing it on purpose, ignoring their wails for bigger portions of the lousy slop they called “food.” And they always stole everything that wasn’t locked down! They were starving inside their shriveled bodies, which didn’t need much in the way of sustenance or sleep, and even that they were not getting. And then Paul Ryan came to the stage.

“Blah blah blah I’m a giant liar who constantly lies, about everything,” he said, “We must repeal Obamacare.” They were on him in an instant. Mrs. James Worthrupp II was the first to hobble onto the stage and take her cane to him, and where Mrs. James Worthrupp II went, her best friend Liza always followed. Liza, who was rather whorish and always had an army of frail, withered penis from which to choose, dived onto the floor, her old woman breath in Paul Ryan’s face as she bit his ear clean off. The blood sent the others into their usual frenzy, and in 2.5 minutes (though it seemed both shorter and longer), Paul Ryan had been mauled into tiny little Paul Ryan shreds of lean meat and gristle.

Paul Ryan wasn’t very tasty — not enough fat — but he would have to do until the next earnest young man came to sell them some lies. [Mediaite]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Barbara_

    The thought of Paul Ryan, possibly losing two elections in one night makes me giddy.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I apologize for once thinking of him as conventionally cute, but he keeps opening his stupid mouth. Is this how Palin GILF'ers felt in the eight weeks she was forced down you Lower 48'er's throats?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Can someone who looks that constipated be cute?

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          He's such a little twerp!
          That condescending crap isn't fooling anyone.
          He must remind the olds of some shithead grandson know-it-all.

          • tessiee

            He reminds me of some shithead grandson know it all, and I don't even have kids.

        • 415buzzard

          He has a face that just begs to be punched. Also sick of the endless stories of how "fit" he is. I bet he sucks in bed.

          • calliecallie

            I'm sure he's no Joe Biden.

          • tessiee

            "I bet he sucks in bed"

            YES!!
            You just know he's narcissistic, lazy, complains about everything, and doesn't like to give head.
            Compare and contrast with Bill Clinton, even at his fattest.
            You KNOW Bill and Hill used to shake the wallpaper off the walls, then go downstairs naked and eat everything in the fridge.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Oh. Well, some of us would still have fucked her…with a ball gag and ear plugs.

        • Grief_Lessons

          She's a double-bagger.

        • bobbert

          I would have considered being third in an airtight, but only if the mouth was already done.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        he does not appeal to me (i like my men darker, dirtier and less catholic).

        moreover (and as you note) when he opens his mouth, that tinny little voice of his underscores the sheer vacuousness of his ideas.

        i really believe he's not very smart. and i have yet to see any evidence in this campaign that i'm wrong.

      • BoroPrimorac

        Yes.

      • tessiee

        Slide over on that bench, Northstar, because I've totally NEVER thought somebody was hott until they opened their mouth and proved, over and over again, that they were totally dunced-out and annoying, and I was thinking, "Please, I beg of you, for the love of God, stop talking, Ernie…"
        Although it did happen to this friend of mine.

      • bobbert

        I've never thought of him as conventionally cute, but I am a guy. I never though Palin was particularly good looking either, for whatever that's worth.

        But in either case, once they start talking, fuck me Jesus.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      No kidding.

    • sudsmckenzie

      … sorry to, well I live nearby, they pimped in 2mill for him, and its god damn Janesville, the only way he can loose is if he runs over Aron Rodgers, … and then backs up over him. Its all they got.

      • tihond

        There's video of him waving a terrible towel, that's almost as bad.

        • sudsmckenzie

          I'm not going to say anything football related like "Ben Roethlisberger couldn't rape his way out of a paper bag", or "Jay Cutler is the new Lambeau Field Turf Consultant", cause that would be mean.

        • bobbert

          What, seriously a Steeler towel? This could sink his ass.

      • finallyhappy

        not Beloit, is it?

        • bobbert

          Beloit is cosmoville, relatively.

    • coolhandnuke

      After Ryan loses both elections on the same night, the shame, the hollowness, the lack of power will lead to him losing two erections each night.

      • tessiee

        Although you really have to admire?? in a horrible way, the little snot's ambition in running for both offices; it really gives a new meaning to opportunistic.

    • Callyson

      What a beautiful sight…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Really, that would be sweet. How's he polling in the race for his current seat?

      • sudsmckenzie

        Polling is not close, We would need Santa to show up in November.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          It's to be expected: the money folks don't want him to lose twice.

          • sudsmckenzie

            The big one here is Tammy (can she actually make it through a fucking sentence) Baldwin VS. the impossibly named Tommy Thompson, and if all goes well Reince Priebus will become Michael Steels man-servant.

          • bobbert

            Tammy vs Tommy will really be a pretty good indicator of Sconnie thinking (and turn-out).

      • Guppy

        You're actually asking how a House election will turn out?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Three, if you count the fact that running in 2016 will be off the table.

    • Boojum

      I have to say I love this. Night of the Living Olds. Awesome.

    • Dumbedup

      makes me….stand proud

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Well, there is that terrible rumor going around that you can't vote for the same person twice on one ballot, you must choose one vote.

      • bobbert

        Oh, do all you can to squelsh that rumor.**

        ** Ha. Haha. Hahaha.

    • Grief_Lessons

      Giddy fifty, fifty giddy. I'm trying to make it work, but the rhyme is too forced. Happy Birthday, anyhow.

    • cassamandra

      oh, you just made me happy. so very happy.

  • nounverb911

    Paul, it's not too late to go Galt.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      My parents went Galt, and all I got was a lousy T-shirt.

      • Studebaker Hawk

        Moocher!

    • memzilla

      He hasn't gone Galt, he's gone Gigli.

  • hagajim

    I thought he was speaking to the AARP, not the zombies.

    • finallyhappy

      let me say I am an AARP member and once a year, I do a Zombie walk- and I only started to so the zombie thing after I was old enough to be an AARP member. Angry old white women- we rock!

    • GeorgiaMike

      As pissed as they were, you'd think he told them he was the guy who cancelled "Matlock."

  • Preferred Customer

    Oh, I see. Came *to* the stage. I definitely did not read that right the first time.

  • freakishlywrong

    Sweet Jesus on a Jazzy, that schadened my fraude..

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yuck. I bet all that p90x made him gristly. Better put him in the crock pot.

    • Nostrildamus

      Add fenugreek, bitter lemon.
      Stick in a cucumber and a carrot.
      Let stew to years.
      Makes excellent slug repellent.

      • tessiee

        I'll bet some things taste better with a cucumber and a carrot shoved way up them, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

      • tessiee

        Also, stick an apple in his mouth.
        I don't know if it will taste better, but he won't be able to talk.

    • SmutBoffin

      And so it was discovered that Axe Body Spray was a good tenderizer…

      • mille derps

        Blech! I was thinking about getting some lunch, but now I'm not hungry any more. Wonkette could advertise itself as an extremely effective diet aid…

    • Callyson

      I wonder how many sales P90X has lost due to him. I know I was once considering trying it, before I heard of this asshole, but now if I do get a video it will be the Insanity one…

      • ThundercatHo

        I saw that commercial, it looks awful and painful. I need something like yoga only you lay prone on the floor to meditate and then doze off.

        • chicken_thief

          If it's so jumpy and bouncy that it causes me to spill my beer then fuck it, I ain't doing it.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I borrowed it from a friend. All the jumping around + my high arches + my fatt ass = a stress fracture in my foot. Oh, and he yells at people during his yoga workout.

        • Callyson

          Yoga and yelling? Fuck that…

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      a crack pot in the crock pot, how fitting…

  • memzilla

    … and then the tottering, shambling Oldz, the Kleig lights glistening off of their bared and blood-reddened fangs, covered up the still-twitching remains of Ryan with a gold-and-black paisley death panel (Quacker Factory, $39.95 plus S&H).

    • CindynEncinitas

      Comes in large, 1X, 2X, 3X and beyond…

    • ThundercatHo

      I think I saw a John Deere version at Cracker Barrel.

    • tessiee

      You left out the part where Noam Chomsky rips off his shirt, to reveal a bodybuilder's musculature, and punches Ryan's smug face through the back of his head.

    • bobbert

      Speaking as a medium-oldz, we do still remember how gasoline works.

  • hagajim

    I'd put bureaucrats in charge of Medicare too….because Congress can't do a fucking thing Congressman Ryan. Asshole.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Revenge of the Olds! (not the car)

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Kinda the opposite of how I imagined this scenario's converse — a nice Granny as a bunch of gristle and lean to Big Bad Wolf's palate going down — but this zombie-esque adaption of the fairy tale will serve me well for pleasant dreams tonight. Thank you Liza and the Worthrupp Widow!

  • SorosBot

    It's Soylent Green in reverse.

    • hagajim

      Would Mr. Ryan be Soylent peen?

      • Callyson

        10% smaller, thanks to those damn feminazis.

    • ChickTract_Fil_A

      Soylent Green is people too, my friend.

    • Radiotherapy

      Haha, I was thinking it was Peter Popovich in reverse.

    • BartStarrland

      Soylent Mauve is purple!!!

  • ph7

    Eat a dick, whippersnapper!

  • DaSandman

    His voice sounds like a husky girl.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Such a smarmy lying sack of shit. I really wish one of the olds would come upside his head with a walker.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Scott Walker, preferably.

    • Pragmatist2

      That would be good video.

  • freakishlywrong

    This dickweasle could lose his house seat as well. Which would be double sWeet.

    • mille derps

      Oh please, oh please, oh please…

  • anniegetyerfun

    It's all those two-hour marathons. You don't get to develop the right kind of marbling.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Labeling booing as mis-reaction is pretty damn good conservative spin.

    • PsycWench

      God, keep it out of the college community or I'll be hearing "I didn't get that question wrong; I mis-answered it"

      • James Michael Curley

        I always used, "My answer isn't wrong, you misinterpreted it."

        • Gleem McShineys

          It's ok, Mitt's church has just finished retroactively baptizing the boos into cheers.

    • UW8316154

      He must have mis-understood the meaning of bookng.

    • tessiee

      I thought he was saying "mixed reaction", although it sounded pretty unanimous to me; I for one did not hear any cheering.

  • http://www.cromiller.com cromiller

    Looks like a few folks will be getting a little arsenic in their pudding rations tonight.

    • Geminisunmars

      Only if it is rice pudding.

      • http://www.cromiller.com cromiller

        ricin pudding?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The difference being?

    • ph7

      Zombies don't eat dinner at 5:30pm.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I've never heard the AARP version of "She's Not There."

    • bobbert

      Well, I'm an AARP member (because, why not?), and I can still swivel and aim.

  • Baconzgood

    GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!

    • finallyhappy

      I've started saying that- not about my lawn though.

      • tessiee

        "…but enough about my sex life"
        ba dum tish!

  • pepperpat

    Tastes like raisins.

  • PsycWench

    Shorter Ryan: "I'm going to tell you all the distorted crap I've been spewing all along and hope that these big puppy eyes will make you believe I have your best interests at heart".
    Shorter (?) AARP: "We have some really big walking canes and we're not afraid to use them"

    • anniegetyerfun

      I wonder if there were any Hoverrounds there? They could just keep running over him. I hear he has a bad back and can't run very far anymore.

  • HELisforHEL

    I'm suddenly proud of my AARP membership.

    • superdave

      They sent me a membership application. UNLIKE! I'm not THAT old, dammit!

      • mille derps

        They've been sending me applications since I was in my early 30's. I'm still not old enough.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I know!!

    • sudsmckenzie

      I rarely see a crowd of high information voters these days, I bow to the inherent "don't bring that week shit in here" aura.

    • tessiee

      The Tea Party hates the AARP; that's good enough for me.
      http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2009/12/right-win

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    Oh hell yes. I would have thought they would cheer him at this point. This made my day.

    • shelwood46

      Apparently, many of them are smart enough to know that repeal Obamacare = reopen the closing donut hole in Medicare D. Or, they actually care about people not yet on Medicare (which may be some of them, since AARP includes people as young as 50).

  • Toomush_Infer

    Um, what percent of the population are us useless oldz?….

    • Callyson

      And what percent of the *voters* are the oldz?

      • CindynEncinitas

        Not very many since the new voting laws require IDs and they don't have them.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      47%?

  • HempDogbane

    Put him back on feed til he marbles.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I would like to live in a world where this would actually happen.

  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    …and that is why they call them "The Greatest Generation".

  • MadBrahms

    I like to imagine our Editrix is writing Ryan and Pegginton as two strands of a single epic story. Game of Thrones with less incest and more stunning political incompetence.

    • no_gravity

      Book 1 – A Game of Empty Chairs.

    • HistoriCat

      Needs more boobs breasts.

      (Edited for clarity)

  • no_gravity

    Nothing like getting gang banged by a bunch of seniors.

  • SorosBot

    Rush Limbaugh admits he has a tiny dick, LMFAO breaks up, and now the olds rip Ryan apart; it's a great day for schadenfreude.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      It's only schadenfreude if you're ashamed to feel joyful.

      • PsycWench

        He's joyful and he knows it.

        • SorosBot

          Argh now I'll have that in my head all day. But they're still gone, so yay!

      • bobbert

        No, you're supposed to feel ashamed, but no human being who has actually experienced Schadenfreude has really felt ashamed about it.

    • Dumbedup

      so much so that the cells that secrete schadenfreude are worn out and I need schadenfreude insulin!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    He should have kept up his marathon training. With an under three-hour time, he should have been able to outrun the hoverrounds until the batteries gave out.

    • finallyhappy

      I go to a senior exercise class- at almost 60- I am one of the younger people but not the most fit- some of these women and the men(well, the Chinese men) are amazing- they could kick some serious way younger butt.

  • edgydrifter

    You may be a fit son of a bitch, Ryan, but this isn't a Kung-Fu movie, and they aren't going to come at you one at a time. P90X won't help you when you're on the bottom of a riled-up oldz zerg pile.

  • belmontreport

    I like how he plays into the misconception that people on Medicare aren't getting government provided healthcare. He makes it sound like Obamacare is controlled MORE by the government than Medicare. This is why my grandfather that lives off of SS benefits and Medicare is constantly bitching about the people that don't pay taxes and live off of the taxpayers dime.

    The Republicans are so worried about Obamacare being completely enacted before they can start repealing it, because they know that soon everyone will love it as much as Medicare and Social Security and then they'll have no chance at repealing it.

  • Nostrildamus

    Paul Ryan wasn’t very tasty — not enough fat…

    Of course, silly. To tenderize, you need to marinate him in some rendered Christie.

    • chicken_thief

      Where the hell you find a vat big enough to render Christie in?!

  • CivicHoliday

    Grannie don't play dat

  • johnnymeatworth

    They went full Cocoon on his ass.

  • Indiepalin

    I'll have what you're having, Rebecca.

  • coolhandnuke

    A well-regulated private militia of flesh eating, cane thumping, zombified seniors is protected under the 2nd Amendment.

    • 11DeadlySins

      Thanx. Best laugh of the day!

  • C_R_Eature

    How fun. This is just like the scene in A Clockwork Orange where Little Alex – post Cure – has the shit beaten out of him by an angry pack of Olds.

    Needs more tolchocking in the yarbles and gouts of red, red krovvy, though.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I preferred Malcolm McDowell in Caligula, myself.

      • C_R_Eature

        I liked the Beheading Machine in the Colosseum, myself.

        • Steverino247

          I liked Helen Mirren in Caligula. What movie were you guys watching?

          • C_R_Eature

            Helen Mirren's dance in Caligula was spectacular. Er…or so I heard. Yeah.

        • littlebigdaddy

          I liked the masturbating bicycle thingy!

      • finallyhappy

        Have I mentioned(yeah, I'm old- I forget) that I met Malcolm Mcdowell 3 years ago? He is very charming- I was almost totally unable to speak- I was so nervous but he carried on a conversation for us

        • Steverino247

          And you lived? Wow!

          • C_R_Eature

            Of course she lived. He was cured, all right!

        • C_R_Eature

          That's a great story and I'm sure he was completely charming.He seems to be a very natural and unassuming professional, from the interviews I've seen.

  • SexySmurf

    Then Ryan added: "Your grandkids are stupid. I'm the one who cancelled JAG. Things are better now than they used to be." And then he walked on everybody's lawn.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Did he diss Andy Griffith (which some Teatards srsly did)?

    • Pragmatist2

      Jumped the line at the Golden Buffet.

  • Ducksworthy

    Wait Olds! The Ryan plan won't apply to you! Only to those under 55, who will be happy to honor you and pay for your retirement and Medicare while they scrounge for scraps… Oh wait. Maybe that won't work out so well after all.

    • MosesInvests

      IOW, don't worry, we'll just screw your grandchildren over.

    • bobbert

      It amazes me that the Repo strategery on this issue appears to be based on the assumption that we oldz either do not have children, or have forgotten about them.

  • chascates

    But Jim DeMint has an editorial saying that AARP sold out seniors for Obamacare and if you can't trust Jim DeMint . . .

    Oh, never mind.

  • RaflcaFlkaFlame

    THEY WERE SAYING BOO-ERNS NOT BOO YOU LIBERTARDZ! IT'S BOO-ERNS

    -Rafalca Flocka Flame

  • sudsmckenzie

    Oooh, and Mittens just put out some tax returns, … its Friday, we should All Stop It, take a nap, and then maybe check the mail and forget all about thizzzzzzzz……

  • Callyson

    From the reality – based community:

    In fact, Medicare’s chief actuary says the law “substantially improves” the system’s finances, and Ryan himself has embraced the same savings.

    http://www.factcheck.org/2012/08/ryans-vp-spin/

    • HELisforHEL

      Paul Ryan's girlfriend Morgan Fairchild says you're lying.

    • mille derps

      I don't mean to sound critical, but 'reality-based' & 'Ryan' don't seem to belong together in the same thought process?

    • docterry6973

      Reality? Hah, that's funny.

    • Joey_Blau

      oh jesus! thank you I thought I was going to have to look it up myself.

      Ryan did sound impressive in his lying capability though.. I know that Obama cut money from future payments to Medicare Advantage plans (i.e. corporate welfare) and from some hospital reimbursements (i.e. $50 aspirin) and filled in the donut hole and did some other stuff I forget.

      and of course the 15 wise men cannot actually DO anything.. but give advice.

  • Ducksworthy

    Death panel for Paul Ryan, now!

  • Callyson

    And I hope those seniors all live in swing states, preferably Ohio or Florida. Maybe Virginia too. Go oldz!

  • no_gravity

    Have to figure that probably half the people in that room were Republicans.

  • Blunderthing

    "Old" ain't "stoopid" youse freekin' whippersnappers!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey Editrix, if you wrote a whole book like this I would totally buy copies for me and all my friends and family (5 total) even without the sexy vampires.

    • mille derps

      Hey- didja stop lobbying for talking animals already?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Ryan is a shitweasel, so close enough.

        • docterry6973

          Could we have a few sexy vampires?

  • Oblios_Cap

    So, basically the GOP platform for the Oldz is that they should be happy to keep getting anything and to let their grandkids get squat.

    • Ducksworthy

      Sounds like a sure recipe for Soylent Green to me.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Their grandkids can all get diabeetus.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Can we send Ann Romney there, to tell them how we've already done enough for you people?

  • Goonemeritus

    Just because it’s common for people to get more fearful as they age don’t assume that they have nothing legitimate to fear. I’m only in my 50’s but this Ryan guy makes me want to curl up into a fetal position and scream for my mother.

    • mille derps

      I feel the same & I'm in my 40's still…

    • bobbert

      Hmm, funny, I'm almost 65 and Ryan makes me want to find him and punch him in the nuts.

  • fartknocker

    I think Paul just heard from the 47% and they are not happy.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Too bad about the tiny penis. Fucking feminazis

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Yelp Review:

    I thoroughly enjoyed the AARP Early Bird dinner.

    The service was great and the spineless chicken entree had more body fat than was mentioned on the menu, so it was surprisingly tasty!

    Mildred thought it was gristly and underdone, but I gobbled it down so quickly I thought I'd swallowed a bone–luckily it was just one of my dentures.

    Thank God I have Medicare and can get that looked at!! HaHaHa *cough*

    (47 stars out of 100)

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Would he please stop dragging his poor mother to these events. I doubt she wants to be the token old.

  • Ducksworthy

    Also, I once ran a marathon in under 3 hours: So you can believe everything I say.

    • tessiee

      "I ran nine miles in seven minutes; and I can still do it today." — "Shakey" Jake Woods

      • bobbert

        Actually, that's about the "authenticated" claim of Joe Smith and the Goldish Tablets.

  • TootsStansbury

    I have been pretty busy today, but the bits of writing I've seen today on our wonkette have been quite tasty.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    BTW, someone needs to tell the AARP to stop emailing me.

    • VeraSevera

      OMG…a Wonkette over 50? I thought I was alone….

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        No, I'm not. THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        But there are plenty of olds here. Didn't you see that picture of actor212? He's gotta be like 75 or 80.

        • http://wonkette.com OldWhiteLies

          Hmmm. Surprising. Mebbe pack it up? Just not biting today, it seems. Bait still looks good so you could just put it back in the can and use it later.

          Course he could be planning a sneak attack …

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            He's probly asleep. Teh oldz go to bed early.

        • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

          It's show biz trickery. He's 110 if he's a day.

        • bobbert

          I hate to tell you this, but after you turn fifty, the blizzard of advertising will go to Force 5.

      • finallyhappy

        I will be 60 in a year

        • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

          Me too. Screw the yout'!

      • Toomush_Infer

        HEY, I 'm an oldz – and, like most of us, I didn't appreciate being badly lied to by babyface Paul Ryan today….if you're going to lie, do it to some age group that hasn't lived long enough to see through this shit….

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    He's got the most punchable face in America.

    • vtxmcrider

      How can you decide, when there are so many contenders? We also have Eric Cantor, Jim DeMint, Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul … the list goes on. I could have a lot of fun running through the Republican House and Senate with a spinning cieling fan aimed at their faces.

      • Radiotherapy

        Call me a misogynist, but a friend of mine was behind the Gingrich's (they were in 1st class natch) on a flight from Turkey and she snapped few photos. The hair, the helmet hair. I want to hit it with a baseball bat. Is it Kevlar or what? She also said Newt was a fat gross pig.

  • MadBrahms

    Old Glory Robot Insurance is going to make a killing off of this Romney campaign.

  • MonkeyHamlet

    "Thank you ! Thank you! I was going to deliver a speech with some teeth in it but it would've been the only thing with teeth in this crowd! HEY YA! Y'all know what's worse than the smell of mothballs? Your diapers in the morning! Am I right, People?? Hey you've been a great crowd! Try the medicated applesauce before you go. Goodnight and good luck paying your medical bills, moochers!"

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Ryan went on to say that he doesn't particularly care for "Matlock" and "Murder She Wrote"…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Way to go, Paul Ryan — stand up in front of a bunch of people who are retired enough that they can actually study the issues and flat-out lie to them. Next you'll be saying your budget will cut the deficit, that tax cuts for everyone won't decrease revenue, and that what Springfield really needs is a monorail.

    • emmelemm

      Springfield really DOES need a monorail.

  • e_z

    Smug Boy beat down, film at 11:00 (except on Fox)

  • sudsmckenzie

    "In conclusion, my friends, Matlock was a Pussy" *mic drop*

  • MissTaken

    Murder She Wrote, indeed

  • C_R_Eature

    The Olds were hungry. And yet no one so much as touched the free bowls of Soylent Green that Paul Ryan had so thoughtfully provided.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    He's like a fucking composite of every smarmy Young Republican I have ever met.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    First of all, they start reminding you that's its time to join before you're 50. Then they keep harassing you by mail. Plus I'm pretty sure they're working off of Nation subscriber lists. So most AARP olds aren't old-olds and most are savvy progressives. It actually took a lot of brass (as the Big Dog might say) for the little jerk to even show up.

    • Caelan Aegana

      Savvy progressives, except for that whole Medicare Part D thing.

  • rickmaci

    That stench is the smell of RepubliCon fear. As a native Kenyan, I am sure the President knows this is when the lion strikes hard to finish off the prey.

    • proudgrampa

      "In the jungle, the mighty jungle
      The lion sleeps tonight…"

      Wimoweh, indeed!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    It's not 'nurses and porters', it's

    these railroad station bars
    And all these conductors and porters, …..

    Hipster Tom Waits reference.
    I mention this because the vid won't play .

  • FlyOverGirl

    Stupid scheduler booking events at the Denny's.

    In other news, why are we not talking about the Stick of Margarine at the Zoo and the liars at WaPo who try to call it a Stick of Butter?

    • finallyhappy

      Did you see the Video? I couldn't tell what Mama panda was doing- it could have been her dinner and not the little rat thing she was licking

      • FlyOverGirl

        Ya, it was like a chew toy.

  • HogeyeGrex

    What a smarmy, wretched turd Ryan is.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh….that's not snark….

      • HogeyeGrex

        Yeah, sorry. I made the mistake of thinking I could watch the clip without losing my snark and wanting to puke.

        But just look at the guy.

  • Oblios_Cap

    At least Eddie Munster was likeable.

    At least I thought so when I was much younger.

  • Generation[redacted]

    That went well.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Are they booing because they agree with him or because they know he's full of shit?

    • SorosBot

      They were saying "Boo-urns"!

  • LibrarianX

    Spare some copper, me brother, if you have any yarbles:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42NWhheTaQU

    • schvitzatura

      Then there was like a sea of dirty smelly old men, trying to get at your Humble Narrator, with their feeble rookers and horny old claws. It was old age having a go at youth, and I just kept on being a right bratchny droog, oh me brothers!
      http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/a-clockwork-orange?b

  • freakishlywrong

    Let's test his great "plan" on his Moms. Patient zero, as it were.

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Now there was a time when his sprinting skills could have been used to outrun the olds

    • Oblios_Cap

      Not so fast, my friend. They would have taken the tennis balls off their walkers and beaned him with them.

  • docterry6973

    Young Paulie moves out of the CPAC bubble and takes his fact-free ideology out to people who really do live this stuff, and they rip him a new one. With votes, I hope. It would be heaven if this ass did lose two elections on one day, but I will happy enough it he just loses the big one.

  • Nesnora

    The outrage goes double for women— Get out of my bush and off my lawn!

    • Toomush_Infer

      You are old – bush?….

      • Nesnora

        not really, but I really enjoy referring to genitalia as topiary. Mine is the shape of an angry giraffe.

  • MonkeyHamlet

    Consider this evidence of an alternate universe in which political candidates give speeches expecting to get heckled and thinking it will be a win. Let's call it the Charlie Sheen universe.

  • MoeDeLawn

    Zombie-eyed granny starver.

    –C. Pierce

  • mavenmaven

    In the audience was the similarly aged gentleman, Jimmy Page, who said that he felt Ryan also totally misunderstood his music.

  • smitallica

    Fapped to this. Is that wrong?

    • emmelemm

      Nope.

    • greenloner

      Hey, them as can, does. It's all good!

  • Antispandex

    Bad ideas:
    1.) Going to an A.A.R.P. conference, if you aren't retired.
    2.) Going to an A.A.R.P. conference after your boss has just told 47% of Americans they are lazy slobs.
    3.) Going to an A.A.R.P. conference to atttempt to sell people on the idea that things could be fixed (in part) if they would just work longer and not be, you know, retired.
    4.) Going to an A.A.R.P. conference to convince seniors, some of whom may be veterans, that government programs are satanic plots.
    I could go on, but really what is the point. Now, if we could get Ryan and Romney to feel the same way about their "campaign"….

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this reminds me of 'the bacchae'.

    which means paul ryan will end up in a tree dressed in woman's clothes and then he'll be ripped apart by a mob of angry women including his mother.

    with votes of course.

    • bobbert

      Pentheus sees everything twice.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    They weren't booing him – they were oooo-ing his abs!

  • HistoriCat

    I found this post surprisingly easy to masturbate to.

  • TheMightyHaltor

    I'll bet he ran out of there pretty fast. But not as fast as he'll say he ran 20 years from now.

  • BartStarrland

    They weren't booing. Retired Amercan baseball Person Lou Piniella had just walked in.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    He seems like the kind of MBA who would keep a sick person at work, infecting the other employees rather than lose 16 man-hours of labor.

    • tessiee

      If Ryan and Romney actually had to work for a living, they'd be Bill Lundbergh from "Office Space".

  • Katydid

    I was making calls for Obama for America last night, and I spoke to a 70-year-old woman in Ohio, who initially said she was undecided on who to vote for. She didn't like Romney, but said she heard on Fox yesterday that Obama is going to privatize Medicare too, and that worried her.

    I told her it was a lie, and by the end of the call she said she was going to vote for Obama. Man, Fox is getting desperate. Just stone cold lyin' like Paul Ryan.

  • KotBR

    Mixed reaction, Paul? You're lucky you didn't get a bag of hard candy upside the head.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    This just in: Old People Not The Slobbering Idiots Republicans Think They Are

  • KotBR

    Unfortunately for Paul Ryan, these folks were alive back when we used to spend money on education.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    He seems to really enjoy lying.

  • LibertyLover

    You DON'T wag your finger in the faces of little olds womenz and menz…. and try to tell them about the benes of grouponing Medicare and Social Security when they had to watch their mas and pas eat cat food in their old age. The olds… they know some stuff, y'know?

  • docterry6973

    But the American people are conservative! They love our ideas once they hear them. Or they should. Fuck 'em. We won't let them vote, and that will fix that.

  • Blunderthing

    Wonder how long it will be before the Rom-Ry campaign spins this as "He was so brave to confront teh oldz on their own turf with hard troofs."

  • Trinket

    I think they can tell he's lying.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Fukkin' A…..

  • GeorgiaMike

    Hey, Paul. Ken Osmond called. He wants his personality back.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Ryan's retinue of social-climbing sycophants continued to assure the candidate "That was great! That went so well!" while scooping up his shredded flesh and shattered bits of bone into various dustpans.

  • tessiee

    OK, I almost never play any of the videos, because frankly, I'm dealing with enough right now, and the aggravation from playing the videos really need to take a number and get on line behind aging, chronic unemployment, dyfunctional family, bla bla bla…

    But this?
    Hearing that smarmy little fuck get drowned out by booing?
    I haven't smoked in decades, and I needed a cigarette after that.

  • tessiee

    *goes Full Jersey*

    BOOOOO!
    FA-HAWK YOU!
    GET OFF THE FAWKIN STAGE, YA BAAAASTID!!
    *throws shoe*
    *bonk!*
    I hit him! Fa-hawkin Ay!
    *pumps fist*
    *high-fives Jukesgrrl*

  • tessiee

    Fox news claiming they were saying "Roo-iyan" in 5…
    4…
    3…

  • tessiee

    That voice is why blah people call us "honkies".

  • tessiee

    Everyone knows old people hardly ever vote.

  • ttommyunger

    Young Paul Ryan probably had the same sinking feeling in his stomach that Gen. Custer had when he said to himself: "Where'd all these fucking Indians come from?".

  • bobbert

    Fuck me. Hey, Paul, come out to the Coast and address an AARP group. Pleeaaze…

  • DahBoner

    I love happy endings!