FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO YOUR PARTY  12:40 pm September 21, 2012

Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Let's go do some crimes She’d killed him. She’d killed Mitt. She’d stuck her blade between his ribs, counting down from the top to mark where his heart was. (In this story, Mitt Romney had a heart.) And now everyone was going fucking nuts. Twitchy was mouthing off to Big Bill. Chris Wallace was struggling to find the gonads to challenge Pegs for control of the gang. (Nobody cared what Brooksy said, he was a no-account loser who wasn’t really even in the gang. Sometimes they used him to messenger stuff, when there weren’t any grade school kids handy.) “She ain’t no big thing. She ain’t so tough.” Chris Wallace was screwing up his courage. The gang needed a new fucking leader, one who wasn’t constantly murdering them, like she’d done with Bushy, and Mac, and whoever it was who came before that. It seemed like she murdered everyone in some weird communion with Ronnie. Always Fucking Ronnie. It never stopped.

“Peggy Noonan has ratfucked George W. Bush, ratfucked Mitt Romney, wasn’t crazy about McCain. Her gangleader bona fides I’m not sure I take too seriously,” Chris Wallace told himself. “[Gangsters] like Peggy Noonan, sometimes they’re New York City’s idea of gangsters.”

Fuck. Chris Wallace wasn’t going to be able to go through with it. She was the meanest bitch this side of the narcos. He heard a noise behind him. Fuck, he hadn’t said that to himself? He’d said it to FUCKING POLITICO???

Like an alley cat, she was on him. All nails and hissing and biting at his face with razor teeth (like the kind in vaginas). Chris Wallace fell to the ground, struggling to keep her off him … and then he awoke. He knew better than to rumble with Peggy Noonan in waking life. He turned on the teevee to cheer himself up. He watched some idiots try to roast marshmallows with their fucking hands. It was a rerun from like three years before. He didn’t care. He had a good laugh, then went and got sushi, and didn’t pay.

[Politico]

 
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{ 194 comments }

nounverb911 September 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Chris Wallace fights like a six year old girl.

OneDollarJuana September 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

"I worked with Mike Wallace, I knew Mike Wallace, Mike Wallace was a friend of mine. Chris Wallace, you are no Mike Wallace."

Terry September 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Ain't that the friggin truth

SorosBot September 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Why do you have to insult our nation's six year old girls like that?

Callyson September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I know some six year old girls who could kick the shit out of Chris Wallace.

Hammiepants September 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I have to say I adore these Peggy Noonan posts.

the_deliverator September 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I have been waiting all day for it. I twatted to our lovely wonkette, and this appeared. MAGIC, I tell you!

memzilla September 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

… because it gives Editrix and Ginger von Newell teh ammunition.

Lascauxcaveman September 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Seriously, what is it about some old, drunk, Regan-worshipping, has-been society dame that drives our Wonkette to such great writerly heights?

Bless you Peggy Noonan; oh great muse of snark!

Guppy September 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The "drunk" portion, obvs.

Native_of_SL_UT September 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I do too.
I also enjoy watching drunks fall down in the street.
I might enjoy these things for the wrong reasons.

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Tis Friday! aka get shitfaced with your friends if they're not already under the table by the time you get off work! Useless fucks!

HogeyeGrex September 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I fourth that, or wevs.

'Tis wunnerful.

emmelemm September 21, 2012 at 3:06 pm

'S marrr-velous.

Boojum September 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

They are my new favorite thing, although the Olds eating Paul Ryan was also a goodness.

I think I may need psychotherapy, considering what I just said.

tbogg September 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I approve this message

memzilla September 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Say, you know you else used pundits to cast doubt on others' "conservative bona fides" … ?

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Silvio Berlusconi?

Mumbletypeg September 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The demon sheep who cried, "RINO!"?

Boojum September 21, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"Eloi! Eloi! Lama sabacthani!", cried the pundits, as they watched Mittens dissolve into a pasty, plastic goo.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Every "True Conservative" pundit ever?

Not_So_Much September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Ghengis Khan?

Callyson September 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Rupert Murdoch?

Mahousu September 21, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The Supreme Court of India during the early years of British rule (which employed native pundits to interpret the ┼Ťastras)?

SorosBot September 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Who is Chris Wallace again?

ph7 September 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

A man spending his life protecting his inheritance from taxation.

nounverb911 September 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Someone who's dead father is ashamed of?

LesBontemps September 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm

He's Mitt Romney?

slowhansolo September 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Someone's come out to play.

Goonemeritus September 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I need to start reading more current fiction. Best I can tell you are referencing something other than Moby Dick.

Ruhe September 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Actually I think there is a Moby Dick reference here in so far as the "appalling ocean of Reagan nostalgia surrounds this verdant land"…and leads us all, the editrix included, by winding paths back to his Noonan-fellated corpse.

Goonemeritus September 21, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I am in awe of your smartness.

weejee September 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And snark that's hanging with Billy Budd instead of Billy Kristol?

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Dark Lord Cheney is sitting back, watching all this play out. Then he'll be all light sabers until his transplanted heart blackens and dies.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm

FACT CHECK: Repo Man is in fact based upon Moby Dick

Source: FOX News

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Call me Ishmael, motherfucker!

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Yeah, Chris Wallace and Peggington Nooningshire battle for control of Bleak House. Weeeeee!

GlowneyHouse September 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I know their stupidity is to blame for their sorry campaign,, but somehow I feel society is to blame.

LesBontemps September 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Oh, so you're a Democrat?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Constantly thinking of him/herself as a victim and demanding a government handout.

whatupirondog September 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Just for that, you're not in the gang anymore!

KeepFnThatChicken September 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This reads like the Punk Testament of The Boomer Bible.

KeepFnThatChicken September 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Holy Jesus, ten people fucking get this joke. I love that book.

memzilla September 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This user has been deleted by the comment

MissTaken September 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

My boss is currently stuck in an elevator with one of my coworkers. Two go in, one comes out. Shit has gotten real.

SorosBot September 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Sounds like an occasion for love in an elevator; livin' it up while we're goin' down.

MadBrahms September 21, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Whenever I hear that song, all I think of is " 'I'll show ya how to fax in the mailroom honey", which has got to be on the top 10 list for worst sex-lyrics of all time.

I bet it's on Paul Ryan's iPod.

Baconzgood September 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm

You're a mean person for getting that song in my head. Just for that….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm
MissTaken September 21, 2012 at 1:06 pm

They just got out. Well, my boss did. The other guy, we aren't allowed to talk about him anymore.

Mittens Howell, III September 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

He's swimming with the toner cartridges tonight.

SorosBot September 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Baconzgood September 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm

He resorted to cannibalism a bit too quickly.

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Two go in, 3 come out. We are bless'ed!

Grief_Lessons September 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wallace: I love you, Pumpkin
Peggy: I love you, Honey Bunny

fatbob54 September 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Yeah, but it still says "Bad Mother Fucker" on the President's wallet…

nounverb911 September 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Chris Wallace's Honey Boo Boo nickname is Crazy Wisteria.

SexySmurf September 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Hey Chris, Peggy puts Conservative snitches in ditches.

Thurman Munster IV September 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Where you're a nyet you're nyet all the way
From your first ayn rand book
To your last gay bashing day

Signed
The Snarks

Geminisunmars September 21, 2012 at 1:06 pm

They have a social disease!

finallyhappy September 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Everytime Chris speaks, his dad rolls over again

Mittens Howell, III September 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Poor Mike, he appears to have a bad case of hamster wheel.

Baconzgood September 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?"

-Peggy "O.G." Noonan-

UnholyMoses September 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

She is a tad insane in that old membrane, ain't she?

Doubt she has cops trying to come and snatch her crops, though.

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That's how Noonan got pregnant. Her English teacher told her to do an ese.

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm

She's so G…

Sophist[Kochblocker] September 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I love a good Village-sploitation movie.

CrunchyKnee September 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Debbi: Duke, let's go do some crimes.
Duke: Yeah. Let's go get sushi and not pay.

EatsBabyDingos September 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Pegz and Eggs, they aren't just for breakfast anymore.

MacRaith September 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Oh, it is such a beautiful thing when conservatives eat their own. Let them destroy each other until the conservative movement is small enough to drown in a bathtub. Of votes, naturally.

738838 September 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Love the Repo Man reference.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"Let's like get sushi and not pay."

Still one of my all time favorite quotes.

738838 September 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Along with "Put it on a plate dear, It'll taste better".

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

That movie has as many quotable lines as Big Lebowski, if not more.
"Happens sometimes. People just explode."
When I was on my geology field camp, we were out in the Rockies checking out the metamorphics and igneous intrusions and dikes (heh-heh) and all the stuff we never got to see down in flat old boring sedimentary limestone south Texas. Most of us were Repo heads, and the call-and-response catchphrase whenever we came upon some awesome geologic formation became:
"Wow, this is intense!"
"Life of a geo-man is always intense, kid."

MIsterbee6 September 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"What are you, some kinda fucking Communist? I don't allow no Communists in my car. No Christians neither."

Joey_Blau September 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm

better still

"What about our relationship?"
"what? Fuck that!"
"I'm glad I tortured you!"

ahnc September 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I love the smell of Republicans turning on each other in the morning….anytime actually.

EatsBabyDingos September 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"Always fucking Ronnie," and she still is today. Of course, his dick IS a little smaller these days.

pepperpat September 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm

T'was the Feminazis what did it.

Boojum September 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Well, that's because it is dried, but the varnish is holding up really well.

freakishlywrong September 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Fuck, that gave me a wide-on.

salt_bagel September 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I am the only daddy you got!! I'm the damn paterfamilias!!

iburl September 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

You know who can roast tiny marshmallows with their fingers? Dragon ladies and Robots.

UnholyMoses September 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"You know who can roast tiny marshmallows with their fingers?"

Khaleesi?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm

This story would be better if it had some sexy vampires havin sex and stuff. And maybe some kind of talking animal.

mille derps September 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Talking animals are the bomb!

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Needs moar Cephalopods.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Yes! Sexy, talking, fighting cephalopods! And is that Oprah? That sounds like Oprah.

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm

If it isn't it should be. Oprah fighting sexy talking Cephalopods in Space is something even I'd go see.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Googled it. Its Oprah. I'm good with voices like that. Another useless talent.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Bill O'Reilly?

EatsBabyDingos September 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Only one true way to know if your Peggz loves you-if she'll have yo' dog.

ThankYouJeebus September 21, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Completely OT, but am so freaking excited to see the Space Shuttle fly over San Francisco this morning.

Mumbletypeg September 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

No shite? Thank you, ThankYouJeebus!

fartknocker September 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I saw it from my front porch this AM. It was an awesome sight.

I really hope we resurrect more space exploration in the next two decades.

MissTaken September 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

We're killing the bandwidth at work by watching the stream.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Good drugs in San Francisco, eh?

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I'd rather see the USS Enterprise firing phasers at Romney campaign offices.

ChrisM2011 September 21, 2012 at 12:54 pm

There's only one answer: GOP Thunderdome!!!

Baconzgood September 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

NOONAN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVE! NOONAN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVE! NOONAN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVE! NOONAN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVE!

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Chris: "I blame Society. Society made me what I am."

Peggy: "That's bullshit! You're a white suburban punk just like me."

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Yeah, but losing the Presidential Elections in a landslide still hurts…

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Belatedly Upfisted!

Estproph September 21, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I'm waiting for Peggy Noonan Star Trek crossover pornfic, myself.

sudsmckenzie September 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

The Wrath of Cunt

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The Search for Cock

Lascauxcaveman September 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Star Trek: Dowager

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Seriously Upfisted.

Star Dick: The Next Genitalia

Oblios_Cap September 21, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Thankfully I've never come across any of the vagina dentata. That image always makes me shiver.

BarackMyWorld September 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

So…what's the beltway-revered unofficial official book about this campaign going to be called?
"Blame Change"?
"Tales of the Circular Firing Squad"?
"Clusterfuck"?
"Dog Shit"?

Discuss.

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"Acrockofshit Now"

randcoolcatdaddy September 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Peggy's already got the name of the book in her latest column:

"This week I called [the Romney campaign] incompetent, but only because I was being polite," she wrote. "I really meant "rolling calamity."

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Like one of those silly Battle Royals in the 1980s era WWF.

Blueb4sinrise September 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm

WAAAA,WAAAAA, WAAAA,WAAAA!

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"Blithering Heights"

mille derps September 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Yes.

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I've wanted to use that for years.

Geminisunmars September 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"Hitting the Fan"?
"Great Expectorations"?
"Mobs of Dicks"?
"All the Teabags in China"?
"Confederacy of Duncekopfs"?

Chet Kincaid_ September 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I'll just recycle "Long Day's Journey Into Mitt."

MLHencken September 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

It's not over until one emerges from Thunderdome.

mrpuma2u September 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

2 go in 1 comes out!!!

sudsmckenzie September 21, 2012 at 1:06 pm

In a related story, Newell is out for a pack of smokes mumbling "that fucking Joan Walsh check better clear" http://www.salon.com/2012/09/18/leave_our_childre

Mittens Howell, III September 21, 2012 at 1:07 pm

New Fox and Friends Mission statement: 'I love the smell of Boy scout campout in the morning.'

Mumbletypeg September 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

like Peggy Noonan, sometimes they’re New York City’s idea of gangsters

Yeah, especially when they take "peggynoonannyc" as their twitter handle.

Chet Kincaid_ September 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm

What kind of sense does that comment even make? Has he never heard of the 5 Families? The Sopranos?

Mittens Howell, III September 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Romney: "When you cut me, do I not bleed money?"

MadBrahms September 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Can we get a Jets / Sharks -style throwndown? Peggy can bring the Hispanics.

Poindexter718 September 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Peg braced Mitt.
Peg channeled Ronnie rage.
Peg side sapped Mitt.
Mitt spit molars.
The Mormons yucked it up.
Chicago yucked it up, concurrant.

Chet Kincaid_ September 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I love me some Ellroy, too. Shoulda thrown in a grid search and a "hinky", also.

Mittens Howell, III September 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Peggy Noonan. Sarah Palin. Tub of Jello. Now.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm

My money is on Noonan in the second round.

Geminisunmars September 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

"Gov. John Sununu criticized Noonan, a Wall Street Journal columnist, for her attacks on Romney, telling MSNBC, 'I wouldn't hire Peggy Noonan to run a campaign.' "

Then he added, "Much less to give me a blow job."

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Sununu isn't rich enough to hire any women to blow him.

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

You know, if Pegs hoisted a shiv right into Sununu's rotting corpse, I think I would kind of like her. But every time I think that, she does that Reagan's-spirit-is-in-my-fingers-and-toungue thing, which albeit kinky, gets pretty old.

lotusflwr September 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Peggy Noonan has never seemed cooler. Thanks for making clips of her punditing 1000x easier to watch.

Lascauxcaveman September 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Shes been around long enough to see which way the winds are blowing. And been a professional hack writer long enough she can get at least a couple "I told you so" columns in after Mitt's ship goes down for good. This is the groundwork.

hagajim September 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Seems like Egg might have the cojones to take on the Pegster, oh, except she can't get anyone to follow her li'l cunty self.

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Michelle Malkin is a Klingon warrior.

SorosBot September 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

But she has no honor!

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

She's a ronin or whatever Klingonese representation of.

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm

She's got a turtle on her head, that's a fact.

mille derps September 21, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Is that that Annabelle chick from Bow Wow Wow?

MadBrahms September 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Peggy retorted "I wouldn't hire John Sununu to chauffeur me"

Native_of_SL_UT September 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

The important question not answered here is whether Noonan would have allowed Doocy to continue roasting the marshmallow with his fingers.

Weenus299 September 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Ahhh, don't go there. You'll begin a meme of "The nukular bomb blossoms because Peggy Noonan allows it to exist" comments.

sudsmckenzie September 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Sure, 10 points of light is better than nothing.

rickmaci September 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Talk about circular firing squad. The entire right wing is locked and loaded.

Pragmatist2 September 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Now I am picturing the makeup sex.
Now I am putting the gun to my head.
Now I am…….

Native_of_SL_UT September 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I watched about 5 minutes of Jeopardy a while back.
It made me laugh because Chris was on and did not win on a single answer in the "fair and balanced" category.

Steverino247 September 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"What is, 'I don't have a fucking clue, Alex?'"

Katydid September 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

So much for the Fox contention that Wallace is one of their serious, non-partisan journalists.

Come here a minute September 21, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Now I've gotta get a plate of shrimp for lunch.

weejee September 21, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And how are clear-thinking conservatives going to clear their garden of this center-right kudzu infestation?

Santorum / Malkin 2016?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Well. That escalated quickly.

Respitetini September 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm

If you're going to write conservative pundit fanfiction, at least get to the sexyteimz?

Tommy1733 September 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Um, did you say vaginas have sharp teeth in them? That explains a lot. I'm switching to gay full-time before I get hurt.

Comrade Wingtardd September 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Mitt: "… in the end, I blame society. Society is what made me the way I am" <coughs, dies>
Noonan: "No, Mitt, you're just another rich douchebag, just like me"

edit: damnit, someone beat me to it

HeadsIWin September 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Guess how many suits he got.
Guess how many ties…

commiegirl99 September 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Shit I don't even know myself.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

The blood letting after Obama wins will almost make up for the fact that Obama will probably roll over and try to govern from the center again.

HELisforHEL September 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hope that he finally realizes that there is no point in trying to work with the fucktard party and that he should just shove policy through by bullying and embarrassing them into submission. Fuck this 'center' nonsense.

BZ1 September 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

The picture I have is a slapfest between the Nooner and the Wallace.

Tommy1733 September 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm

A fap-worthy picture indeed.

kenlem September 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm

This has to be expanded into a 3 volume series!

LibrarianX September 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Praying mantis are beautiful insects with a voracious appetite, and a delight to have in the garden. Being strictly carnivorous, they'll eat almost any insect of a size they can overcome. Waiting in quiet ambush for hours at a time, when an insect comes wandering by they suddenly jump out and attack – always biting the neck first.

LibrarianX September 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Mantids have NO problem with cannibalism and will "thin the herd" themselves. Chris Wallace – you have been warned.

Joey_Blau September 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

wack! I used to love to see the egg pods on the bushes…

fucking ex cut them down after I left.

Chet Kincaid_ September 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Someone else mentioned it the other day: in her new bluntness (though still mixed with her kindergartener's notion of elegant, artful prose) Noonan is starting to merge stylistically with Maureen Dowd. She's come a long way from the days when she sang Palin's praises on air and cursed her on the hot mic. Hell, she has come a long way since that stupid fucking column at the end of the Republican convention, when everything was wonderful and Mitt was her shining prince.

bobbert September 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I hate Peggy Noonan. I can't even indulge in playful snark about Peggy Noonan. She bought into Saint Ronnie early on, based on nothing but his personal presence, and she employed her speech-writing skills (which were, sadly, decent until she succumbed to rich-has-been syndrome) to further the goals of Ronnie's handlers.

I hate Peggy Noonan. I cannot imagine the event or series of events that would make me stop hating Peggy Noonan.

</sorry>

EDIT: Maybe if she personally took out Scalia.

HogeyeGrex September 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Y'know, I've been saying for almost twelve years now that no, it ain;t "1984", it's "Lord of the Flies".

neiltheblaze September 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Who to root for – the alcoholic propaganda typist, or the nepotistic legacy hire…. decisions…..

docterry6973 September 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Wallace calling out who? The speechwriter responsible for so much of St. Ronnie's glib nonsense? A co-inventor of fact-free politics? A woman whose name is already engraved on the Pantheon of Bullshit Artists? The idea that a third-stringer like Wallace can call out a Hall of Famer like Noonan is absurd on its face.

fuflans September 21, 2012 at 2:32 pm

these are really great reading (seriously – just fab).

however, i do find it hard to believe peggy could actually keep a blade steady enough to do any damage.

Chichikovovich September 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Wallace says that Her Noonest isn't a real conservative because (inter alia) she dumped on Bush II? What's the deal, I thought everybody on the right was agreed that Bush II wasn't a True Conservative. Why wasn't Dame Peggy just pointing out this? Which makes her a super-True Conservative herself.

It's so tough to keep the story straight when you're trying to put a lid on as many inconvenient facts as Fox tries to obscure. Reality will always fight back.

ffredpalakon September 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm

"Do you like marshmallows, hon?" Peg asked, her fingers gently caressing Wallace's sweat stained cheek, the touch ending at the duct tape that sealed his mouth. "Do you like white marshmallows, like Lindsay Graham? Are you a…marshmallow man?" And then she erupted in a seizing, maniacal laugh, the grim noise that was the last thing on earth heard by many. Peg then stuffed her mouth thick with white marshmallows, her voice barely discernible under the fluffy mass: "You better enjoy marshmallows. When these suckers leave me in fetid brown chunks, you'll be spending eternity with them. Chrissy, you're about to move to…Gowanus!" Another drop of sweat dropped down Chris's cheek…no, not sweat: a tear, a tear of joy. It would soon be over.

You bring Repo Man, I bring Rooftops. Kudos again.

WeHaveIssues September 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Ratfucked? Totally a biology newbie but I wasn't aware rats fucked any differently than the rest of us?

DocChaos September 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I don't remember this S.E. Hinton book from 7th grade. Was it assigned?

UW8316154 September 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

heh – a "now 10% smaller" dick.

ttommyunger September 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm

What do Chris Wallace and Peggy Noonan have in common? They both wear skid-marked granny panties.

poncho_pilot September 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm

and this is why repo men do a lot of speed.

AznMom420 September 24, 2012 at 12:21 am

"I DONT WANT NOBODY DISENFRANCHISING THE POORS BUT US
CAN
YOU
DIG
IT"

Joey_Blau September 24, 2012 at 4:20 pm

SWEET FUCKING PROSE! wow .. can you make this into an illustrated book?

I have to read all the comments.. thanks!!

Joey_Blau September 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm

in a larger sense… I blame society! society has made me what I am today!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Star Trek: The Wrath of Ronnie

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Outstanding. That's way more useful than my useless talent: making up pornographic lyrics to annoying pop songs.

HistoriCat September 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

How can you call "making up pornographic lyrics to annoying pop songs" useless? That's golden!

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Yeah, not when you're in a staff meeting and you catch yourself singing

"Spout, spout, spew it all out
Jiz is the stuff that I'm talkin' about
Come on, I'm comin' on you, come on!"

under your breath.

emmelemm September 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Are you kidding? That's fucking genius.

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm

How about "bone her only where she farts?" Hmmmmm?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I know, right? I've been singing it all day!

C_R_Eature September 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Tell that to my boss.

CindynEncinitas September 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm

crickets…

glasspusher September 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Fuckin' A we ripped your car, asshole! You wanna know who told us where it was? Your goddamn brother!

That film will be required viewing in any American Culture class of worth.

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