a cheap shot but it writes itself come on

At Last, Rush Limbaugh Knows Who To Blame For His Tiny Penis

No feminazis out here in the desertScience, you guys, science is revealing all sorts of terrible mysteries about the modern world. And not just the liberal kind of mysteries, like about how all the animals are dying and the ice is melting and whatever; no, it’s also revealing tough, conservative facts, like the fact that human penises are on average 10 percent shorter than they were 50 years ago. If you heard “50 years ago” and “smaller penises” and you immediately came up with “feminism” as the cause, then congratulations, you are well equipped (heh) to run a radio talk show that reaches millions of people and influences American politics. Rush Limbaugh has a tiny penis and he’s been mad about it for a long time and it explains a lot, is what we’re TRYING to say here.

So the Italian researchers who came up with this result (oh, those comical Italians, always electing Berlusconi and measuring dicks for science and shouting “Mama mia! That’s-a spicy meatball!” and such) have some ideas about the causes of the modern world’s cock-shrinkage:

  • Weight gain around the waist
  • Smoking
  • Stress
  • Environmental pollutants

Hmm, it seems like at least three of those things are closely associated with one Rush Limbaugh, yes? (Rush is a rich person, so he creates environmental pollutants but they get dumped in neighborhoods not his own.) But no, he has other ideas about why his penis might be so leetle:

I think it’s feminism. If it’s tied to the last 50 years — the average size of [a male’s] member is 10 percent smaller than 50 years — it has to be the feminazis, the chickification and everything else. Give ‘em time and they’ll blame Bush. But air pollution vs. feminazis? Ha!

You guys, this explains SO MUCH about his career and burning hatred of women! And thank goodness he figured out the key to his problem, because it’s now clear that he’s been looking for information on some dubious websites, like the notoriously hilarious Yahoo! Answers:

OBVIOUSLY

COME ON YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY IT IS NOT GENETICS OR BECAUSE A PERSON DOES ANYTHING BAD RIGHT IT IS BECAUSE OF FEMINAZIS! Feminazis made my penis small! Uh, I mean my friend’s penis, I’m asking for a friend. [Raw Story]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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  • freakishlywrong

    Rush may have a tiny penis, but he's a ginormous fucking dick.

    • hagajim

      That's compensation. Small penis = big dickishness. It's either that or compensation by buying lots of guns, big trucks, or a fast car.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Rush has a small penis because he's white. What more did you need to know?

    • FlyOverGirl

      Did Mittens' get bigger the other day when he got sprayed brown?

  • nounverb911

    Has Rush blamed Obama yet?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      All of 'em Every time, katie.

    • Toomush_Infer

      The blah men are stealing all the really big penises!!!!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I can proudly trace my roots back to Africa.

        …with my massive dick.

        • LIT_Fag

          Obligatory "pics or GTFO"

      • MadBrahms

        Steal presidency for Kenya -> steal big penises -> steal white wimmenz. It's all connected, like Glenn Beck chalkboard art.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      In 3, 2, 1, and with all his visits to the Dominican Republic Rush has measured so very many penises in support of the Italian study.

    • freakishlywrong

      I think this is the source of his intense hatred of the man. That, and he's Blah. And the head of the Democrat party.

  • susiepop

    Because what all feminazis want is a small cock. THAT makes sense.

    • kittensdontlie

      It's too bad the rest of him won't shrink to nothing.

    • Jimmyone

      I wonder if Ann thinks that Mitten's is the right height?

    • Nibbler of Niblonia

      I don't get what Rush's problem is. Feminazis make MY penis bigger

    • Callyson

      I don't even want to ask what the causal linkage is between feminism and penis size…

  • no_gravity

    Jeff Christie's Rush Limbaugh's penis has never been near a woman.

    • evoshandor

      Rush's penis has been near at least 4 women, as he's on his 4th wife. How they could stand being in any form of marriage -be it in name only- to this 'man', defies explanation.

      • Mahousu

        If by "near" you mean "within a few feet," then yeah.

        As for the latter, money.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      It has been near Dominican Boys, allegedly.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Rush is the Archemedes of our time, but he uses bath houses instead of bath tubs.

    • GlowneyHouse

      Next stop: Bath Salts.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Perhaps a bathysphere and a good deep trench?

  • PsycWench

    Sorry, can't post right now, I'm sharpening some pruning shears.

    • kissawookiee

      Sounds like you could save yourself the trouble and just fetch the nail clippers instead.

      • tessiee

        Or a cheese grater.
        Sure, it would take longer, but it would be worth it.

    • iamrrm

      Please use them while they are still dull.

  • eggsacklywright

    Wonder how much rent he's paying on the current "wife?"

  • Barbara_

    Hmm, I am going to have to research this more. I will get back to you.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I'm well over 50. I can be in your control group.

      • One_who_wanders

        Ditto.

      • Barbara_

        I am exactly 50. Today is my birthday.

        • AncienReggie

          Happy birthday!

          And remember, the first half-century is just rehearsal.

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Reggie! You should come over for some cake.

        • Steverino247

          Give your nipples a gentle squeeze from all of us on your birthday!

          • Barbara_

            Why gentle? Thanks Steve

          • Steverino247

            You gotta warm them up before going to the next level.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          HBD Barbara! I, too will be happy to participate in your study, but I should warn you that I'm what statisticians call an "outlier."

          Bucking the trend for over fifty years now.

          • Barbara_

            Lol, thanks Lascauxcaveman.

          • IndianaKevin

            Is that different from an out-n-out liar?

        • eggsacklywright

          Mmmmm…young stuff. Like it.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Happy birthday Barb! May all of your penises be over 50. Or whatever …

          • Barbara_

            Dawg, you are the best. I am going to make a wish and blow out the penis now.

        • SoBeach

          Happy Birthday!

          • Barbara_

            Thanks, SoBeach!

        • Graham Cracker

          Have a great Birthday, Barb!

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Graham. : )

        • HELisforHEL

          Happy BDay to you!

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Hel! I should go to Denny and demand a free breakfast or something. LOL

          • HELisforHEL

            Hee! Sadly I think there's only one Howard Johnson's left–FREE CAKE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY!
            And clamstrips, also, too.

        • Pat_Pending

          I did this three weeks ago. It wasn't pretty.

        • emmelemm

          Congratulations!

        • tessiee

          Happy birthday, Barb!

          Hope this year is a better one for you than the last.

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Tessie! It's an awesome day.

        • tessiee

          As one of my professors once said, "Fifty is fine. *The day before* fifty sucks."

        • JustPixelz

          Happy birf day. I assume you can prove that with some kind of certificate. You're almost a Libra. So close ….

          • Barbara_

            Thanks JustPixels.

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Happy birthday, Babydoll. I'm going to get you a tape measure for your birthday. And reading glasses.

          • Barbara_

            I love you, Spurning. : )

        • miss_grundy

          Felicidades! Have a happy!

          • Barbara_

            Thanks Miss Grundy!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Me! Me! I can be in the "weight gain around the waist" control subgroup!

    • LesBontemps

      My only regret is that I have but one penis to give for your research.

      • Barbara_

        Give it twice, LesBontemps.

        • HistoriCat

          Only twice?

          • Barbara_

            I'm old now and could break a hip, HistoriCat.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So Rush is admitting he has a small dick? The new Mrs. Rush must be so proud right now.

    • no_gravity

      I think it's part of the beard contract that she has no contact with Rush's itty bitty.

  • Abernathy

    Fucking little penises. How do they work?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Not particularly well.

      Or so I'm informed.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Little penis goes in, little penis goes out – Rush can't explain find it.

    • CommieLibunatic

      It's not the size that counts, etc. etc. etc.

  • PsycWench

    Maybe this question is answered in the original materials but how good was the penis size database fifty years ago?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yes, I'd like to examine, er… the methodology on this one. In a not-creepy sort of way, of course.

  • DaSandman

    He has a small dick? I wasn't aware he had any dick at all.

    • SorosBot

      It's true; this man has no dick.

      • emmelemm

        Perfect!

  • C_R_Eature

    Rush Limbaugh has a penis?

    • freakishlywrong

      Yeah, but being a fat fuck, he hasn't seen it in years..

      • C_R_Eature

        So there's no proof, then.

    • shelwood46

      Rush is a penis. According to this study, he should be getting smaller, but science is never right.

    • 216stitches

      Can a penis have a penis? Yo dawg!

  • FakaktaSouth

    I got my first month's worth of free birth control pills this week. I hope that takes Rush down to an innie.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      According to noted reproductive genius, Rush, don't forget to take one every time you have the sexy times and don't be such a slut that you use them all in the first week.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Dang, a week? I was hoping to just get through a day. I'm such a slut.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          don't worry. If you run out, you can always sign up for bulk discount at the costco abortionplex.

        • Guppy

          Where do you live again?

          • FakaktaSouth

            That depends – you at least over 50? I apparently got me some new standards.

          • prommie

            Gotta know all the words to "boil that cabbage down," too. I get busy at work and what now, you accepting resume's?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Yum, Smothers Brothers, such an aphrodisiac. And HEY! You shut up and don't be yelling at me, I got pills to use, you and all your working.

          • prommie

            A-fucking-hem? Excuse me?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Sorry, sorry, that was the slutty whore-moans talking, my bad. Of course I am just doing the laundry.

          • HistoriCat

            Get a room you two!

          • prommie

            I haven't the vaguest notion what you seem to be implying.

          • HistoriCat

            I think I see the problem here …

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh lord, I'll show you, it's okay

          • prommie

            Damn

          • prommie

            So if you’re down on you’re luck, and you can’t harmonize
            Find a girl with far away eyes
            And if you’re downright disgusted
            And life ain’t worth a dime
            Get a girl with far away eyes

          • prommie

            Also helps if you ain't easily deterred.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Did you get your complimentary "Sluts Vote" campaign button with the pills?

      • FakaktaSouth

        YES! I wear it on my Elizabeth Warren Makes Me So Horny T-shirt!

    • vtxmcrider

      I'm a guy and I just got my first month of free birth control pills also. Since I am one of the 47%, I believe in mooching off the system as much as possible.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Sorry Fakakta, didn't realize you were a slut.

  • bureaucrap

    This is just one more reason that we should all point and laugh when we next see him.

  • BerkeleyBear

    I'm guessing there's a punchline to this story involving glasses, metric conversions, tweezers and/or sororities.

    Seriously, though – can we trust any sort of world wide wang measuring from the 1960s. I'm guessing the Americans and Soviets both lied as part of the Cold War fap race.

    • tessiee

      "can we trust any sort of world wide wang measuring from the 1960s"

      That took place in *Italy*, no less?
      Come on, guys like that are my father, uncles, and boy cousins; trust me, they're King of the Bullshit Artists.

    • comrad_darkness

      Wasn't there some joke about that. "Sir the condoms we just manufactured ended up stretched out." "Oh well, ship them to Russia, but label them Medium."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Weight gain around the waist
    Smoking
    Stress
    Environmental pollutants
    Hmm, it seems like at least three of those things are closely associated with one Rush Limbaugh, yes?

    All four. He smokes cigars which create a toxic envelope around him.

    Well, more toxic than the one he already lives in.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    It is easier to get into heaven than to drive a camel through the eye of a needledick.

  • PsycWench

    I think the guy who posted the question on Yahoo Answers is one of Rush's "speech" writers.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Rush's favorite Caribbean ballad…

    ♪♫ Hey Mr. Tally Man, tally me banana
    2 centimeters so you ought to go home ♫♪

    • tessiee

      The Boy Who Would Not Do Anything heard that song for the first time, and asked me later that day:
      Him: I heard this old-timey song, I can't figure it out. It's a guy singing with some kind of accent, and he keeps saying, "Daylight come and they won't go home". Did you ever hear it?
      Me: Yeah, that's "Day-O". Harry Belafonte singing. I think he's from Trinidad.
      Him: So, that guy singing wanted the Taliban to do WHAT with his banana?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Bill Hicks had some thoughts about Rush Limbaugh's sexual issues.

    (NSFW, also not safe for anyone who plans to eat anytime soon…)

    • LibertyLover

      My ears are bleeding….

  • Mojopo

    Howard Stern is hung like a Q-Tip and he spent his career surrounding himself with strippers and porn stars. But Howard also uses his small peen to let us know he is not too big for his britches. Also, Howard actually has more fans than Rush, I bet, because that blob Rush has been exaggerating the size of his audience for years. Like his poor withering pee-pee, that is not strong enough to get hard on it's own.

  • JohnnyQuick

    Weight around the waist? Do those damn Eye-Ties not lift their gut up before measuring their Giansons?

    Heh. Yahoo Answers. Hey Josh, do you listen to My Brother, My Brother and Me, where they 'answer' those things?

    • tessiee

      "Giansons"

      Upfisted specificalli for this.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Not to mention better measuring instruments…. or is it Familiarity breeds Contraction…?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Excellent. The GOP is undergoing contortions to gain the acceptance of a 14 year old boy. The nation is screwed.

  • bflrtsplk

    What, the guy don`t have a tongue? Forget I said that.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      retch!

    • ph7

      I do, but it was outsourced to the Hitachi Wand.

    • tessiee

      Ah, somewhat on topic joke:
      This 80 year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a checkup.
      The doctor makes him get on the scale, listens to his heart, etc. Then he says, "OK, Rocco, I need to see your sex organs".
      The man holds up all ten fingers and sticks out his tongue.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Lets put John Holmes on Mount Rushmore, problem solved.

    • Pat_Pending

      which part? might not fit.

      • sudsmckenzie

        It will head into North Dakota.

    • tessiee

      Better him than Reagan.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Still would attract Nancy though.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Let's ask Mitt if those advertized enhugening products really work.

    • chicken_thief

      Oh, look! Beautiful clouds!

      ~Mitt

  • Toomush_Infer

    Nixon was a pretty big dick….

  • bumfug

    Hey, Rush – about the inches you're missing? I got 'em right here!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Rush probably lost his to the beater bar of a Hoover.

  • zomgitsjesus

    It's not the size of the penis that matters, it's how much of a gigantic asshole you are that fails to turn them on Rush. I mean, with your cigar breath, sweat dripping from the rolls of fat, what else could it be?

  • Baconzgood

    The lil' lady is a feminist and my cock is HUGE!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Go Baconz!

  • ChernobylSoup

    So that's why the bell curve is shaped that way.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Rush, if you're that worried, I'd suggest you get a strap-on.

    • MadBrahms

      "No, no, Rush, the other way. Oh forget it."

  • LibertyLover

    Maybe Rush should be happy that his "big unit" is smaller. Makes it that much harder to step on it all of the time.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Awaiting psuedo-scientific explanation how an abstract social movement could effect a concrete biological trait.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Concrete? Wow!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Some guys just got it.

  • BartStarrland

    How can the water be warmer but our penises be smaller?

    • CommieLibunatic

      I don't know about you, but it feels freezing if it's any lower than 80°. Oh, the hardships of living in Southern California…

    • tessiee

      Ask George Costanza.

  • Goonemeritus

    I have always found that assertive women tend to make my penis grow larger.

    • SoBeach

      True, true. Yoga britches do that too. Yoga britches on an assertive woman and I have to check the clearance before driving under bridges.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rush is a giant dildo. That is all.

  • kittensdontlie

    Well, as they say, "more than a mouthful is just wasted".

  • UW8316154

    Important information is lacking: are we comparing flaccid or hard?

  • proudgrampa

    Well, it's not how long you make it.
    It's how you make it long!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Maybe it was cold in Italy that day.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I was going to post something earlier in the thread but my penis kept flopping all over the keyboard and I was constantly having to push it off to the side. As usual however, my penis was having none of that. Attention must be paid.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I don't know about penis size, but the fact that this idiot still has a radio show makes me guess American's brain sizes must be getting smaller.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Cause/effect.

  • SpeedoFart

    No snark, but does anyone have a cite for the original research? All I can find is an Italian study from 2001 linking height and weight to size variations. Every blog post/article linkage eventually dead ends at Jezebel or something called chacha.com (which crashes my phone).

    • comrad_darkness

      I can't find it. I did find this: http://web.archive.org/web/20070304084315/http://
      Research says erect gay penises are bigger
      Must also be the feminazis fault, amiright?

      • SpeedoFart

        Nah, ghey peens are bigger 'cos they're so FAAAAAAAABULOUS!

        • comrad_darkness

          I finally got the chacha.com (which is a junk traffic attracting site) to load. No citation there either. Everyone else points to it as well. It's almost like Rush and that site have some kind of under the counter arrangement because there is no way someone like CBS news and shit should be pointing at a garbage site like that otherwise.

          • SpeedoFart

            Thanks for helping me look for the cite, comrad. I had a sinking feeling after reading a couple of links that the "study" was just so much horse shit (or a mangling of an earlier study) and now I think I may have been correct.

            Now it is time for the Rush Limbaugh tiny, tiny penis jokes. Go!

  • LesBontemps

    Jesus, Rush, just go buy a sportscar.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Tubby cunt couldn't fit in a sportscar

  • Beowoof

    Ah so the real reason for Rush's outrage that Obama is in the White House. Obama clearly must have a bigger dick. And that would probably be true for most of the old guys in the republican party. And I think Rush knows he will never savor the flavor of Obama's manhood and that is really driving him over the edge.

    • LesBontemps

      Paging Sara Benincasa!

  • owhatever

    Rush then said Obama's penis had failed. Michelle just laughed.

    Then Rush almost said the same thing about Clinton, but remembered Monica, so that didn't work.

    Wingnuts will now give their little peni more sun, water and spread it with horse manure.

    This is too easy. If Rush had taken better care of his little penis, he wouldn't be paying so much alimony to his first three wives.

  • MadBrahms

    Man, this is just like when the feminists gave Rush boobs.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, be kind….Rush hasn't seen his peen in forty years…..

  • ahnc

    I find it offensive not to use Rush and small penis in the same sentence.

    • tessiee

      I feel your pain.
      I find it offensive that this post made me think of Rush's penis.

      • ahnc

        He must be hopped up on the OxyContin just in time for the election!

  • Doktor Zoom

    "Chubby White Meathead"

  • Pragmatist2

    Rush missed the point! Penis shrinkage is the final proof that the Earth is actually cooling.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Ann's cuntiness and Rush's tiny tadger… I do so love thematic consistency.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Yikes! and this was BEFORE the Warren v. Brown debate.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    I'm worried about you Rush! Gloria Steinem does not make MY penis shrink. Au contraire!

  • retarded_baboon

    This is obviously Obama's fault too, on account of his big black penis. It must make Rush all shrively just thinking about it.

    • LesBontemps

      Judging by the Dominican rentboys I'd have guessed the opposite.

      • retarded_baboon

        Dominican rentboys are probably the only thing tight enough to satisfy such a small wiener.

  • LIT_Fag

    With respect to Rushbo's tiny pecker,
    this is good news for all Dominican boys

  • scotankhamen

    isn't blaming it on the Feminazis the same thing as blaming Bush?
    You know, because they don't shave and all that.

  • C_R_Eature

    Bwana Dik is amused by Rush's Micro-Member.

    • Pat_Pending

      I suppose Rush could use a mud shark as a substitute.

      • C_R_Eature

        If he had an 8-mm camera and a young lady with a Taste for the Bizarre.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Rush should just take a cue from Frank Sobotka, and be proud of his achievements, such as they are:

    "For your information I wake up every morning with an angry blue-veined diamond cutter. I was gonna enlighten the president of local 47 on this particular point and he chose to depart. Blue steel gentlemen, 3 & 1/2 inches of hard blue steel"

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    He's at least partially right. I am a feminist, and I would like to shrink his dick considerably. With votes, of course.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Call within the next 30 minutes and we'll take off an additional 5% for free!

    ACT NOW!

  • Come here a minute

    Mamma mia! That's a tiny penis!

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Coming to Broadway soon: "Rushpig and the Angry Inch."

  • Guppy

    Date shorter women.

    Alternatively, try ass-fucking.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I always figured Rush was a bottom and so penis size didn't matter.

  • C_R_Eature

    This seems like a good excuse to post The Penis Song.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    This is bad news for all the mohelim.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Argh! My brain just exploded with dick joke overload!

    • eggsacklywright

      Dick asymptote. Spiking. "Breakthrough in the grey room.'

    • C_R_Eature

      We're approaching the Wangularity.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      But which head contains the brains?*
      *This joke works better if the subject is male.

    • emmelemm

      Oh man, we haven't even really scratched the surface of the dick jokes yet!

  • PinkoPopulist

    Most underreported story of our generation: the feminazis caused Rush Limbaugh's drug addiction, and his fatness.

  • ThundercatHo

    Hey, Editrix! I was going to suggest that maybe he should try touching your wrist but then you would probably have to chew your arm off d/t cooties or flesh-eating bacteria.

  • LibrarianX

    I love that Rush has just confirmed having a teeny weeny.

  • LibrarianX

    Also: has Rush seen his own feet since 1997?

  • C_R_Eature

    Shrinkage? Me and my Arrow haven't noticed.

  • barto

    I think it's just relative. As Rush became a bigger and bigger dick over the years, his penis just started to look really small in comparison.

  • tihond

    With Rush, just the tip isn't a game, it's a description.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Mr. Marcus libel!

  • calliecallie

    It ain't the meat it's the motion
    That makes your baby want to rock
    It ain't the meat it's the motion
    It's the movement that gives it the sock!

  • iamrrm

    They don't call Rush a pencil dicked bug fucker for nothing.

  • evoshandor

    I'd like to think that many of Rush's devotees did not race home and beat the shit out of their dumbfounded wives while screaming "It's all your fault!" over and over. But there I go wishing again.

  • Ruhe

    But Rush is over fifty right? So he was born before the advent of feminazi-ism so he must have had a smallish penis back when every other guy was huge? Or is he worried that his dick as actually gotten smaller over the years?

  • Estproph

    God is to blame, Rush. God wants to make sure you don't reproduce, because God has taste.

  • DahBoner

    Nope, sorry Morans!

    But 3 South American countries exceed USA, according to The World Penis map:
    http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/23/male-ego-chec

  • magic_titty

    Back when men had more leverage to get rapey, our dicks had more self-esteem? I'll glad give up ten percent for that trade-off, you creepy fat slob.

  • ahnc

    Rush enhances the Republican obsession with dicks or lack thereof.

  • Arkoday

    Rush has a tiny penis. In other news, the Earth is round.

  • a_pink_poodle

    The feminists of course! Nothing that kills boners better than feminist literature!

  • comrad_darkness

    1940’s and 1950's: New use of BPA in plastic. The chemical industry begins to use BPA to manufacture a hard plastic called polycarbonate, and to make epoxy resins used as linings for metal food cans and a variety of other products. Although BPA leaches out of plastic long after its manufacture, the material is used in consumer products with no requirement that companies prove it is safe. The 70 years that follow BPA's introduction in these industries see the explosion of BPA-based plastics to encompass products as wide-ranging as bicycle helmets, water coolers, and baby bottles.

    From here: http://www.ewg.org/reports/bpatimeline

    You're welcome, Rush. Now you also know why you are as fat as a whale as well as have a pecker the size of a hummingbird.

  • OneYieldRegular

    You think Rush is bothered now, just wait until the Obama campaign suspends its use of "Forward" and replaces it with "Size Matters."

  • shelwood46

    Wait, wait, I do believe I see how this is the Feminazis fault. Fifty years ago, men felt comfortable lying about their penis size, but now the Feminazis have them all intimidated into telling the truth.

  • MiniMencken

    Porfirio Rubirosa had a dick that Truman Capote, a man who knew his dicks, described as "an eleven inch cafe-au-lait sinker as thick as a man's wrist." He was also the world's most well-paid giggolo. So, how does that square with Rush's hypothesis?

  • tessiee

    "So the Italian researchers who came up with this result (oh, those comical Italians, always electing Berlusconi and measuring dicks for science and shouting “Mama mia! That’s-a spicy meatball!” and such)"

    OK, I assume this refers to Italians in Italy, but it made me picture a roomful of "Jersey Shore" type guys in lab coats measuring each other's dicks and going, "AAAAY!!" "OHHH!":
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFON1IE13Lg

  • tessiee

    Rush's tiny, limp weenus is the least of his problems.

  • tessiee

    It's just one woman's observation, but personally, I think all the dicks are just the right height.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Rush, you may have a tiny penis and everything but look on the bright side, you get to eat all the pasta and bread that you want!

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    sorry GOP, you don't actually have a big tent, you have a tiny tent pole…

  • docterry6973

    Feminists? So that's my problem. Not that I have one. A problem that is. Never mind.

  • finette_

    In the past, I have earned some extra money by answering questions on a "free" (massively ad-supported) anonymous texting service for people too dumb to use Google. Most of these individuals are in the adolescent range, and I can tell you that questions about penis size and enhancement are absolutely the boy-equivalent of "Am I fat?" I became a master of consolation and relativism. Maybe I even consoled Rush!

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Feminists: Making penises shrink since 1907.

    (first major suffragette march in the US)

  • alzronnie

    How does Rush know what size his dick is if he can't see it?

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      he asked the Costa Rican boys…

  • Nesnora

    Well if I'm not shrinking penises because I want to be treated equally, then what's the point really.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Poor Rush needs to talk to Jill Biden. Apparently not everybody is intimidated by feminazis…

  • ttommyunger

    On the other hand, Rush himself can be described as a huge dick.

  • oldegeezer

    Wonkette…I'm willing to give Rusty the benefit of the doubt, when it comes to "size", because I've never showered with him…!

    However; when it comes to "turgidity"…
    We know Rusty, HAS A PROBLEM… !

    He was actually detained by the INS trying to smuggle VIAGRA, into the country, without a prescription…without his [Rush Hudson Limpbough's] name on the prescription…

    Hehehe…!

    Damn I hate when I'm detained fore THAT…!