God is in his Heaven and all is right with the world Recently, we were in Tampa, buying you beer, when we met a couple of nice fellows who worked for “a British-based petroleum company.” Hmmm, we mused. We’ve only heard of one. Might have had a small spot of bother a while back? Did they ever get that fucker capped after all? Oh, it did take some time and a lot of eyeless shrimp. They were fun guys, kept sticking Wonkette stickers on people’s backs. But when we asked their thoughts on the dispersants that — like the VaPOOrizer in Envymight have had some unforeseen consequences, this is what they said: “What do you think of Sarah Palin?” And so we asked again, and then the cuter of the fellows started in on an endless story of sitting next to a Palin adviser on a flight, and trying to keep himself from engaging with her, because he finds Palin “vapid and mean,” which is a bad combination! Now, this is a fine story, but we were asking about the dispersants. And so campaign pool reporter Jon Ward asked Mitt Romney yesterday whether he would be campaigning harder now to overcome his constant bed-shitting and dog-fucking, and this is what he said:

“Ha ha. We’re in the stretch aren’t we? Look at those clouds. It’sbeautiful,” he said, pointing to the sky. “Look at those things.”


But the thing is … those clouds ARE beautiful! THEY ARE! They’re magnificent even! And we already know that Mitt Romney loves to muse on nature, and he should do so! We think he should retire to a small pond, Walden-like, and reflect and muse his heart out. We think he would be happier, especially if that classy wife of his stayed far, far away.

[Jon Ward, Twitter]

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  • "Those clouds have just the right amount of moisture! My ocular sensors tell me they are cumulus clouds with a 40.9% chance of developing into a thunderstorm over Bermuda."

    • Barbara_

      Mitt's money is going to get wet in Bermuda.

      • That's OK. His respiratory servos can generate an ultradry exhalation with silca gel

      • He's not going to join Rush and his rentboy and a suitcase full of Oxycontin™ and Viagra™ in the Dominican Republican?

    • PsycWench

      Wonder how much information they gather of this nature: It may be completely accurate, but it's also completely useless.

    • JohnnyQuick

      "Entering into Hispanic-filled area. Activating skin-oven, initiating self-browning."

    • Graham Cracker

      That means that there is a 58.1% chance that they will just be lazy fuckers and never rain.

  • Did he apply dispersants to his poll numbers?

  • freakishlywrong

    "Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time."

    I can't get Mr. Burns out of my head..

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      I had to come out of 'retirement' to give you a BIG upfist for that WIN! game over, indeed

  • SoBeach

    I wonder if the clouds look like different denominations of currency to Mitt.

    • Oh this is so cool! I get to post an OT science item and it's actually on topic!

      New type of cloud?

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        They look like the kind of clouds that materialize just before the alien ships appear.

  • no_gravity

    I think they call those storm clouds. Not the best of harbingers.

  • mrpuma2u

    Mitt Haiku

    See the fair clouds
    like my election chances
    blow away slowly

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Unlike anything Egg has ever done.

  • Pragmatist2

    Cloudcukooland – who'd have thought the Bishop was an Aristophanes fan?

  • chicken_thief

    Those clouds are just the right height.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Well, that one cloud obviously looks like Joseph Smith dry humping a bunny.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Hm, when I was told that Mormons breed like rabbits, I took that to mean something else entirely

    • vtxmcrider

      Be careful about ridiculing the prophet Joseph Smith. The Mormons are going to start rioting in Salt Lake City, denouncing America.

  • memzilla

    Psst, Mitt: 47% of those clouds think they're entitled to be beautiful.

  • LibertyLover

    When my significant spousal unit wants to change the subject, said spousal unit says: "how about those____________(insert name of local sports team here)? Works every time because I am a bit distractab…… "Squirrel!"

  • Mitt is ready for his close up, Mr. DeMille.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Mr Flynt.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Mitt cooter shot – do not want.

  • Goonemeritus

    I remember the time I flew my son’s brand new remote control airplane straight into the earth at full throttle right before his eyes. Strangely he was unwilling to change the subject as well.

    • Are you suggesting someone is running Mitt's campaign by remote control? And flying it straight into the earth?

      • Goonemeritus


      • Weenus299

        You wouldn't pivot the Boy's interests from aeronautics into ballistics and forensics?

        • YasserArraFeck

          and mining

    • sudsmckenzie

      I blame Dan Senor.

    • proudgrampa

      I've done that, man!

  • freakishlywrong

    One of the only reasons I moved to Floriduh was swimming in the Gulf. I haven't done that since the spill. The shit is still everywhere. It pisses the fuck out of me every time I think about it.

    • Damn.

      Shit is fucked up and bullshit.

    • Weenus299

      And you need a dispersant for the piss, too. It freakin' amazes me that we just blew off a jillion-gallon spill that keeps washing up globby things. But man, just look at the fuckin' storm clouds comin'!

    • Mumblety-ex and I used to have the old "Which kind of body-of-water to retire to live near? Ocean/ River-side/ Lakefront? and I'd opt for Lakefront to his preferred ocean view, thx to my happier memories swimming w/ cousins at their lakeside time-share.
      Ex' would point out how much boat motor fuel escapes into bodies of water such as lakes and claimed he always 'felt greasy' after swimming thereabouts.
      I have to agree that, even if modern technology brings a 'dispersant' type of treatment to avail one's man- or nature-made frog-ponds with — the tacit reminder lingers, these waters have been tainted; uncomplaining swimming holes which we've never let history fully render due cognizance from us per our ongoing misdeeds… Like the river Ganges polluted w/ cremated ruins and holy washing rituals; we're sliding into 3rd-world abuse of our resources where we ought to know better.

      • HELisforHEL

        I tend to think of it all in terms of the Crying Indian ad. A powerful message that, for a moment, seemed to resonate with people. But now? It appears no one–especially my generation of idiots (Fifty-somethings)–cares to remember that we only have this one orb to live on, so perhaps we should take care of it?
        And so, the Indian cries on.

        • Not that your words here don't resonate thoroughly [they do].. but figured might as well mention when you appear on these threads I thumbz-up involuntarily because I am *that* enamored with the film represented in your avatar~

          • HELisforHEL

            It is one of those films that just lifts your heart, simply wonderful, incredibly drawn, a great score, oy I could go on & on. My hub and I can't watch it enough.

    • vtxmcrider

      I could never imagine moving to Floriduh for any conceivable benefit.

  • sudsmckenzie

    "I haven't seen anything this dark since my NAACP appearance."

  • chicken_thief

    "Look at those clouds. It’sbeautiful,” he said, pointing to the sky. “Look at those things.”

    It's usually at that point when the speaker lifts your wallet while you are distracted.

    • HELisforHEL

      Grifting is the Mormon way!

  • I can see clearly now that talk of Bain is gone
    I can ignore the incompetence of my way
    Gone is the dark person that has the lead
    It's gonna be a bright, bright delusional day
    It's gonna be a bright, bright delusional day

  • CrunchyKnee

    I wonder if there are beautiful clouds on his Morman after death planet?

    • kittensdontlie

      "And the skies are not cloudy all day…

      • Kansas libel!

        (assuming that's still possible)

  • Troubledog

    We looked together into the distance, admiring the beautiful clouds for a time. After he bid me well and walked away, I realized my wallet had gone missing.

    I caught up with him to ask if he'd seen my wallet, but he'd already taken all the money for himself, auctioned off all the contents to the highest bidder, and handed me a bill for restructuring charges.

    • YasserArraFeck

      and your shiny new healthcare voucher – don't blow it all on one sprain!

    • BerkeleyBear

      Missed a step – secured a highly leveraged loan against the contents, that he then gave himself as a "bonus", converted to "carried interest" and then proceeded to sell all the pieces off and give you back the debt servicing too.

  • memzilla

    Geez, Mr. rMoney: That one cloud in the center? Is that a Hiroshima-like mushroom cloud hovering over the scorched remains of your campaign?

  • Hera Sent Me

    Mitt wanders lonely as a cloud,
    Despite his fuck-ups he is proud.
    Ann says "Shut up, we're trying to drive!"
    To faint-hearts who fear being eaten alive.
    Scott Brown flailed at the Professor,
    Of Mitt he couldn't have said lesser.
    Mitt wanders lonely as a cloud,
    But he will never cry out loud.
    For if fate does lands him in the mire,
    He'll just retroactively retire.

    • YasserArraFeck

      He can just retroactively radioactively* retire

      *judging from the number of Repubs who are hurriedly distancing themselves from him

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Had a Freudian reading error–I thought he said:

    "We’re in the stench aren’t we?"

    Saw this on FB earlier–it's fairly amusing, esp. the Scott Brown parts.

    • thatsitfortheother1


  • Apparently, Mitt believes Cloud is Chief. Also son of chief. Guardian of the Holies, Speaker of the Holy Words, Leader of Warriors.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What is all this talk about bed shitting? You keep saying it like it's a bad thing.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Senator Vitter, is that you?

    • rickmaci


  • FakaktaSouth

    I cannot wait til the whole thing reduces him to sticking his fingers in his ears and yelling LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. Cause, man that's all he's got left.

    And BP has their "opt out" date for the settlement payments they are offering the businesses down here that crashed and burned along with that little well of theirs set for BEFORE they are going to tell people what their payout would be, so you know, don't fuck with these guys, they are the MASTERS.

    • eggsacklywright

      And they got their lifes back. Mittz ears pricked up because he thought they said "disbursement."

  • freakishlywrong

    Can't once one of these so-called "reporters" say: "the fuck you talking about, sir"?

  • Not_So_Much

    He should be pointing at shiny objects instead of stoopid clouds if he really wants to distract from that pantload he's dragging around behind him.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    The difference between those biz jets and the guys riding in them?

    The jets stop whining after flight.

  • Estproph

    Mitt likes clouds. They're white.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      And they don't ask a lot of impertinent questions.

    • kittensdontlie

      And the dark ones, why even D-Weatherwatchers know they're trouble.

  • no_gravity

    Mitt – When I'm elected president, I'll own those clouds and write off the cost as an expense. But you people will never know.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think Mitt’s brain is getting a few choir boys short of a Tabernacle if you know what I mean.

    • He seems to be having the slowest rapture evah!

  • Arkoday

    My immediate plans for the economy include, but are not limited to, an in-depth analys….whoah! Will you look at that cloud? Anyway, the world-wide recession effecting the….was that cloud? Will you look at that! A cloud!

  • David Byrne didn't need to be a believer to perceive that Mormon Heaven is a place "where nothing ever happens." No different than regular Heaven, except quieter rooms, and clouds arguably twice as mesmerizing [read: stupefying].

    • UnholyMoses

      I wonder if Mormon heaven plays their favorite song … whatever the hell that might be.
      (For some reason "Play that Funky Music" keeps popping into my head.)

      • Well the version of "Heaven" I'm most familiar with is Simply Red's cover of it.. the other song of theirs I loved was Jericho

        ♪ "I'm rich, you ain't, so you won't go to the Ball" ♪

        — it was used in a Moonlighting episode, I'm remembering for some weird reason… and re-examining the lyrics in light of an obscenely wealthy Mormon scion puts them in a whole new perspective.

    • eggsacklywright

      But there's a bar in Byrne's heaven. That would never do.

      • "Now when this kiss is over/ We'll start all over again
        Won't be any different/ Will be exactly the same."

        Sounds to me how a Mormon wife experiences "heaven", on earth, even.
        at least Mormon husbands get to start over with the next kiss delivered upon Wife #2… #3.. etc.


  • arihaya

    somebody FOR KOLOB'S SAKE put him on suicide watch !!

  • C_R_Eature

    To be fair, clouds can be very distracting, what with all the Breasts.

  • And the skies always had little fluffy clouds And they moved down, they were long and clear And there were lots of stars at night And when it would rain it would all turn, it, they were beautiful The most beautiful skies as a matter of fact The sunsets were purple and red and yellow and on fire And the clouds would catch the colors everywhere

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Did he have an onion on his belt?

  • PsycWench

    They were fun guys…what do mushrooms have to do with anything?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Kind of sounds like Mitt was enjoying a little of the magic mushrooms. What is the Mormon faith’s take on mushrooms?

    • eggsacklywright

      Chanterelle season is almost upon us. Praise the lard.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      It makes cloud watching WAAAAAY more interesting.

  • we were asking about the dispersants

    Sierra Club approved oil-and-water mixers or #Occupy endorsed vegan pepper sprays?

  • UnholyMoses

    Clouds are water too, my friends.

  • anniegetyerfun

    It's become increasingly clear that Mitt was set up to lose this race. They don't WANT him in office. The GOP can concentrate on local races and try and take over both houses of Congress. They have more power that way, anyway.

    • eggsacklywright

      'Bama's doing a fine job for the bankster, oilers, and war criminals. What's not to like?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Then they've sunk a whole lotta cost into him for no return. After 2010 (aka the election without a Democratic Message) the Teahadists actually thought 2012 was their year to take everything, and the craven GOP "leaders" have been more than happy to soak up their money and try to make it work. Now though they are in scramble mode to salvage something.

      The truth is, since 09 the only GOP plan to win anything in 2012 was to hope life kept sucking. They've done their best but it backfired – people haven't suffered what the GOP hoped, they haven't seen Obama or Dems as failures, they've adjusted to the new realities and they can see the GOP clearly as the party of not doing jack to help anyone. My guess right now is that Mitt's done, the Senate stays blue (I'm guessing at 52 seats, because I just don't see us keeping Montana or North Dakota, but picking up Massachusetts – and maybe a flip in Nevada, too) but the House gets very tight, if not a flip then close enough that Boehner can either work with Dems or face big losses in 2014.

      • HELisforHEL

        I so hope you are correct.

  • chicken_thief

    After that Mitt was overheard to say "…nuff of the cloud shit, where's that fucking shoe shine boy?"

  • kittensdontlie

    "Oh beautiful for spacious skies…"

    He wanted to break out into America the Beautiful but had no idea what the lyrics are, which was a win/win for all present.

  • I am suspicious of this story since it involves two guys in a bar in Tampa not hitting on Rebecca while they were boring her with stories of Sarah Palin.

    • In fairness, they were BP execs. This may have been their way of bragging while staring at her tits.

      • kittensdontlie

        Ah…mentioning Palin to provoke hostility and the subconscious act of 'sticking one's chest out' even further. Well played, BP.

    • Negropolis

      She made reference to one being "cuter" than the other, which to me implies quite a bit of flirtation.

  • ph7

    “Ha ha. We’re in the stretch aren’t we? Look at those clouds. It’sbeautiful,” he said, pointing to the sky. “Look at those things.”

    When in hopeless situations, I often make comments like that. Mitt's getting metaphysical about it all. Good sign for his mental health; also a good sign he knows he's doomed.

  • hagajim

    Is it just me, or do the past two weeks look like a slow motion implosion?

    • Put it this way: if this had been during the primaries, the whole "cloud" thing would be the last thing a candidate says before "I've decided I need to spend more time with my family, so…."

  • Tundra Grifter

    Hey, look! A puppy!

  • DustBowlBlues

    OT–Who won the debate last night? I don't have cspan 3. Be honest. I can handle the truth.

    On topic–What's next for Romney strategy to avoid answering any questions? Pointing skyward and yelling "Look. It's Haley's Comet?"

  • fawkedifiknow

    "We have better clouds in the Caymans, but these aren't half bad."


  • el_donaldo

    I wandered lonely as a cloud
    That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
    When all at once I saw a mob
    Of lazy freeloading daffodils;
    Beneath the trees, beside the lake,
    Not paying taxes and cashing government checks.

    • finallyhappy

      I memorized that in junior high- given that was 49 years ago- it sounds absolutely the same

  • ahnc

    Mittens in the Sky with Diamonds….

    • cheetojeebus

      whore diamonds?

      • ahnc

        Are there another kind?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    He's staring at clouds? They still haven't got the emotional balance algorithm right.

  • Misty Malarky

    At least he wasn't yelling at them.

    Romney must be a compassionate conservative.

  • MosesInvests

    Flying clouds…excellent clouds.

  • magic_titty

    It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember… Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

    And then in the next scene, Ann showed him her tits.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, these clouds are all the right size – especially that one there that looks like a giant dog turd….whoops, now it looks like an Egg….oh, wait….

  • LibrarianX

    OK – who slipped Romney the psychedelics?

  • "Is there any way we can get these freeloading clouds to pay taxes?"

    • DahBoner

      "No, I'm really a 100% cloudy guy, honest!"

  • proudgrampa

    Well on the way
    Head in a cloud
    The man of a thousand voices
    Talking perfectly loud
    But nobody ever hears him
    Or the sound he appears to make
    And he never seems to notice

    He's the fool on the hill…

  • Wadisay

    It must be the pits to muse, "Is it better to be loved, or feared?", and realize that you are neither.


    …in Tampa, buying you beer…

    That's the kind of 47% I'd love to be part of.

  • DahBoner

    Chem trails are people too, my friends…

  • BartStarrland

    Oh Jeebus. Next he's going to tell us about a dream he had.

  • Those "things?" Is he planning on acquiring the clouds in the sky now as well?

  • Long Day's Journey Into Mitt

  • Mitt talks to the wind.

    (This version, because Greg Lake is insufferable.)

    • HELisforHEL

      HA! An keyboard player I knew used to say that Greg Lake's singing always sounded like he was tied to the mast of a ship, yelling into a storm.

  • owhatever

    Moderator: Governor Romney, would you like to respond to President Obama's comment that you are a chickenshit rich white guy empty suit?

    Romney: I was just studying this podium as the President was talking, and it's a wonderful piece of carpentry. Just the right height. And the microphone is perfect. God. Guns. Smaller government. No taxes or gays ever. Squirrel.

    • HELisforHEL

      I truly wish I could upfist this more. The perfect distillation of his campaign 'strategy'.

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Clouds… WE BUILT THOSE!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Don't tell Condi that.

  • larrykat

    The trees have to be the right height and now the clouds must be beautiful. I like Mitt Romney's vision of America.

  • schvitzatura

    What were skies like when you were built, Mitt?

    They went on for ever and they when I we lived in Michigan and the skies
    always had little fluffy clouds and err.. they were long and the right height and there
    were lots of stars, at night.
    And errr when it rain it would all turn, it, they were beautiful, the most
    beautiful skies as a matter of fact, errr the sunsets were the sunsets were
    purple and red and Seamus-poop yellow and on fire and the clouds would catch the
    colours everywhere, thats, its neat because I used to look at them all the
    time when I was first activated.

  • schvitzatura

    I'm going to start really worrying when he/it starts waxing poetic about attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

    OBTW, what the fuck is a glittering c-beam anyway?

  • i'm almost starting to feel sorry for him.

    oh, wait. no, no i'm not.

  • Abernathy

    Keep shaking that Etch a Sketch, Mitt.

  • rickmaci

    The Mittchurian Candidate is waiting to be activated by a secret signal in the cloud shapes.

  • arduinohacker

    I've looked at clouds, from both sides now,
    From Bahamas and the Caymans, but still somehow
    its tax-haven windfalls I recall,
    the clouds aren't at the right height, at all.

  • Warpde

    Guess Mitt hasn't realized that when them "Beautiful clouds" rain it's Gods way of trying to piss on him.

  • Negropolis

    Alas, the trees are no longer the right height here in Michigan. All he has left are the clouds, poor thing.

    Who has seen the wind?
    Neither you nor I.
    But when the trees bow down their heads,
    The wind is passing by…

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