Ann Romney Wants You To Cry For Her, Argentina (Audio!)

Now keep your distance
It is Mitt’s time, and Egg Romney has had about enough of you people sniping and whining and curb-jobbing her husband.

“Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she said. “This is hard and, you know, it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now and it’s an important election and it is time for all Americans to realize how significant this election is and how lucky we are to have someone with Mitt’s qualifications and experience and know-how to be able to have the opportunity to run this country.”

That should help! Hear Egg Romney scold you, after the jump!

Now, are we being fair? Perhaps she scolds us (actually, her fellow Republicans) playfully, or with humor? Hahaha, what do you think? (<---- Listen!)

What is it about Egg that makes the Romneye Campaigne want to use her sparingly? It is probably her tendency to berate "the help" (anyone not a Romney) when they question the Romneys. It is also probably her self-pitying claim of "terrible suffering" during Romney's loss to (no first name or honorific, because she is classy) “McCain.” And just the general cuntiness. Probably that.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. magic_titty

    I fear she may be a bigger asshole than Mitt, but I don't want to appear sexist towards female assholes.

      1. mayor_quimby

        That is true, an asshole needs to know what makes other people mad and willingly does those things. Mittens just doesn't care, if he thinks it he says it, and never looks back.

    1. shelwood46

      It would be sexist not to think her an asshole. But not a female asshole, that implies she's only competing against the girls for title of biggest asshole.

    2. tessiee

      I'd say, "She must tie him up and fuck him in the ass every night", but we all know that's Paul Ryan's job.

    1. chicken_thief

      Having the jerb of being mommy to five boys, I suspect Egg knows hard. Or used to. If she can remember back that far. Like to the days when poor her and poor Mitt had to sell off stock to pay for college and shit.

      Now not even Mittens would fuck her self-entitled ass.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        When Mitt and Egg were living in that tiny apartment during grad school, where did the maid and the butler sleep?

    2. DemmeFatale

      We like to say "it's so hard" in our house after a VERY wealthy Jordanian friend of ours said: "it's so hard. I'm not asking for much. I don't need a French cook. I'd settle for a good Arab cook,"

      1. Chichikovovich

        three, four…. five children!

        Got it! Magda Göbbels!

        OK, um, and … uh, then she had a sixth.
        And, um, I guess she wasn't what you would call "pretty", but the actress who played her in Downfall was hot.

        Look, fine! OK smartasses – let's see you do better! It's been eleven minutes already and nothing. Geez Louise.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Agreed. You know how Michelle is always hugging the ugly, unwashed masses? Ann would point her sceptre at people & have her aides hug them for her.

      1. HELisforHEL

        This caused me to LOL in the anonymous cubefarm of deadly silence I'm shackled in. I'm surrounded by people like Mittens and Egg here, and you nailed it.

        Used to getting their own way, a feeling of superiority due to their 'prettiness' and a general attitude that This Is Their Destiny.

        Egg probably leaves the bathroom a disgusting mess, figuring 'the help' will clean up after her, just like the women here do (funny, when I worked in factories, the women always left the bathrooms clean).

  2. GregComlish

    Didn't wonkette institute a New Year's moratorium on calling women cunts? I guess that expired like so many New Years resolutions.

    1. finallyhappy

      I don't like that word- I have never said it but I think the moratorium was on the R word only. Also for us Jews- the New Year just started so it is a new game now anyway

      1. GregComlish

        Man, this is totally something real. I'm going to spend the next hour doing a google search for Wonkette + Cunt and I will prove this.

        Edit: Nevermind, my work apparently prevents me from using search terms like "cunt".

  3. BerkeleyBear

    She's got a point – after all, if Mitt were a decent campaigner, Obama would have a much lower chance of getting re-elected. So we are all lucky that the party of idiocy picked him as their standard bearer and not someone with the slightest charisma.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      GOP primary field:

      That Texas doofus
      Ron Paul
      Tim Pawlenty

      Charisma isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind with these guys.

    2. Estproph

      Who else could they pick? As bad as Romney is, he's still the best they had. Except maybe Huntsman, but Huntsman wasn't enough of a crazy bigot asshole to win anyone over.

    3. weejee

      Given the wisdom of the Raging' Cajun's mantra, "its the economy stupid," the most batshit crazy thing of this election season is that Nate Silver has Bamz as close to a sure bet to win as a pollster will call it us still being six plus weeks out.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    Okay Ann, let's do this – we'll all stop saying mean things about you just as soon as every thing that comes out of your face stops proving what a terrible horrible no good very bad cunt you are.

  5. LibertyLover

    Leave Brittney Mittens Alone!

    You people are lucky he even wants to be President for you.
    All you people want is more, more, more, more, MORE!

    You're lucky he even talks to you BASTARDS!

    Leave Willard alone! Please!

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Ha ha…I'm doing a Mud Run tomorrow. One of the teams is called Thundercunts (for realz). Wonder if Ann is captain of that team.

    I'd give $10K (okay pesos, not dollars) to see Ann & Peggy Noonan duke it out.

  7. randcoolcatdaddy

    Ann seems to feel that she and Romney are entitled to the same respect that one might give Queen Elizabeth. I've got news for you, Ann – the British Monarch has more class, empathy, and humor in the fingernail clippings of her pinkie than you have in your whole family.

    And CORGIS!

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Quick! Someone reunite the Sex Pistols! If Ann were FLOTUS and some band issued something like "God Save the Queen" directed towards her, SEAL Team 6 would be mobilized.

      1. tessiee

        God save the Ann
        Her husband fakes his tan
        A couple of Mormons
        They're also morons

        It's not a big tent
        It's just the 1%
        And there's no future
        No future for us

  8. BerkeleyBear

    I know there's no evidence of intelligence or strategy coming out of the GOP these days, but should we start checking the obvious chunks of red meat like this for hooks/poison? Because this is just way too tempting, like a goat staked out all alone to a lion.

  9. Mojopo

    The chattering class is sooooo beneath her. Take note Peggington Noonington! Egg is obsessed with being maligned, and with Mitt not taking her advice. She brings up "trying to put my head down…just go forward", and phrases of that nature, several times. Her biggest challenge is keeping it zipped and him being a poophead. She is the perpetually angry, biting team member we've all had, who self-generates the biggest payload of angst.

  10. docterry6973

    I guess I still cut her some slack. She isn't a pol and it must be hard to hear what she hears and do what she does. But it is a hell of a lot harder to be a single mother working at Wal-Mart, not that Egg would know or care. She is pushing the limits of my tolerance.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Slack? Fuck her. She's a typical rich cunt. Self centered, entitled, and tone deaf. If you read her statements, it's about her suffering, her pain. She doesn't seem to know or care about anyone unable to write a big enough check to attend a fundraiser.

      1. Mojopo

        It is stunning to hear how psychologically unprepared she is. I was trying to imagine FLOTUS saying these things, and I couldn't. It's too emotionally raw and self-centered. I really don't think these people are strong enough to lead an entire nation as a first family. Their ideas are terrible, but they're emotional wrecks, too.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Well, what has she ever done to prepare? She was a non-entity in prior campaigns, and has no record of high-profile exposure. Michelle Obama had been an attorney at a big Chicago firm, then a public figure in her own right with the city and University of Chicago. Even Laura Bush had been in the light of Texas society long enough to know how to keep all the pain inside (with or without medication).

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            Not exactly a non-entity: she gave an infamous interview when Mitt ran for the Senate that spilled the beans on the lie that Mitt never "inherited" anything from his father (he got his nut off the old man while he was still alive).

      1. Mojopo

        Exactly. She acts as if none of it happened. This isn't her first rodeo, and granted the stakes are much higher, but WTF!

  11. BornInATrailer

    Oh but it's sad when campaigns shit the bed
    But we have pretended enough
    It's best that we both stop fooling ourselves

    Which means …

  12. PuckStopsHere

    But it's their turn! Have you people forgotten that? (Hint, in your recipe for disaster, use Ann sparingly. It turns out there's a reason the public tires of her. Right, Willard?)

  13. thatsitfortheother1

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  14. PinkoPopulist

    If your last name starts with Rom- and ends with -ney it must be impossible to open your mouth without inserting your foot…

  15. kittensdontlie

    Mitt looks to me after each debate answer to see if he did OK…–Egg R

    Who's wearing the pants in this family….?! Mitt has Egg all over his face.

      1. kittensdontlie

        Mitt best relent to her legitimate demands, or suffer the consequences…well, either way there will be suffering.

  16. finallyhappy

    I forgot my Jewish New Year's resolution already. I was only going to respond to any RMoney post with "Gangnam Style". One resolution gone – ok, the only other one left is win powerball and solo pay for a Wonkette drinky thing

  17. eggsacklywright

    Listen, Annie, your robot husband was selected from a field of cretins as the least offensive of the bunch to replace the blah guy. So piss off. The end.

  18. freakishlywrong

    "It's our turn now".
    "Yeah, start packing..*hatelaugh*.
    Egg and Mittens when asked if they had a message for the President.

  19. Spurning Beer

    I wonder if Egg has considered what her pet project will be as First Lady.

    I'm guessing a charity that gives non-underprivileged people-of-colorlessness with lactose intolerance a chance to learn dressage. Or maybe support for all-euthanasia pet shelters.

  20. Steverino247

    “Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she said.

    OK, Ann. What fucking "rings" have you ever been in? Other than the one you're wearing on your finger, that is? How shallow and superficial "you people" really are in the 1%. Why the hell do people think you're anything more than a cabal of thieves, determined to loot the global economy?

    And buttsechs? The only buttsechs you're going to get is watching your husband lose the Presidency. Can't wait for that little moment of pleasure, especially since there's no lube good enough when you lose like that on national television.

    1. Weenus299

      Do Olympic rings count? Whenever Rafalca does his prancy-on-the-backs-of-slaves in competition with other horsies, I wonder if the competition gets a wee bit cutthroat.

  21. Wadisay

    Here's some free advice, Ann: start drinking. It would go great with the rest of your privileged, condescending persona.

  22. KathrynSane

    From the link: "During her 10 minute speech to the crowd, Ann Romney said she was here in Iowa to talk about 'the good side' of her husband that 'very few people know about.'"

    Uh, maybe no one knows about your husband's 'good side' because he's actually an arrogant prick?

    1. Ohforcripessake

      No there's a thought. Mitt should show us his "good side" and I'm sure he will , just as soon as he can find it.

    2. bobbert

      There is no camera fast enough to capture Mitt's "good side" before he flips to one of his many bad-to-terrible sides.

    3. tessiee

      'the good side' of her husband that 'very few people know about.'"

      And, totally coincidentally, all of those very few people make over a million dollars a year. I mean, what are the odds?

  23. ThundercatHo

    Fuck off Egg. Go clean some stalls, that's what I just did. You might find it's very Zen and humanizing. P.S. Pro tip: You hold the skinny part of the manure fork.

      1. Troubledog

        Thank you so much, it's such a delightfully rare event to be missed in any context. How have you been?

        And yes, still on the boat commute despite the total lack of any incentives, like Frequent Sailor miles. Guess that would be knots, actually. Speaking of knots, do you still have that cheerleader outfit?


  24. Mumbletypeg

    It's the same kind of attitude I'm sure many a school admin' had to endure when trying to negotiate w/ Mama Romney the at times questionable classroom behavior of her sons.

    Principal: "The problem is, Mrs. Romney, your son Tack seems to have developed a fascination with leaving thumbtacks in the teacher's chair"
    Ann: "Stop it. This is hard."
    Principal: "Actualy that's what his teacher's first reaction was…"
    Ann: "I'm still nursing a cranberry tonic smoothie hangover, and it's early for my usual brooding mare regimen.. You want to try it? Get in the ring!"
    Principal: "Actually I do have three children of my own–"
    Ann: "…It’s an important thing that we’re doing right now, raising our sons to be the first Mormon beneficiaries of their father's Presidential legacy."
    Principal: "Mrs. Romney. If we could address the chronic misbehavior of Tack, it disrupts an otherwise productive and wholesome classroom environment."
    Ann: "Typical of you plebes. No idea, how lucky we are to have someone with Tack's qualifications and developing experience and know-how… to be able to eventually have the opportunity to ruin this country! I mean, run this country."

  25. glasspusher

    Can't wait for the debates. The other guy in the ring is going to wipe the floor with her hubby. Will Ann be there to throw in the towel?

  26. UnholyMoses

    The big issue is that her and Mitt do not have a "marriage."

    They're more of a "Rich People Breeding Program" that ensures the wealth isn't used to help you people.

  27. actor212

    Editrix, this is really insulting to Eva Peron, who actually gave a shit about the desaparacidos.

    When it was convenient. Egg can't even muster that much faux compassion

  28. LibertyLover

    From the link: "You will maybe take note,when he's in the debate, he will look after each question…. to me … and it was like: Did I do OK, Ann?"

    And If his answer was good, Ann gave him a little snausage treat.

  29. fuflans

    Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring…

    no honey none of us wants to get in the goddamned ring. the ring is generally reserved for giant egotistical assholes who have an unnatural desire to flaunt their limitations in the public space.

    you and your husband chose this course. deal with it.

    and quit blaming the 99% or 47% or whatever the hell you aren't who are just trying to earn an honest cocktail at the end of the day.

    1. Mojopo

      Hard? Try being Michelle Obama. Has anyone been creating photos likening Ann to a gorilla? Do they pick apart her vacations, clothes, and does the "chattering class" parse her every word to find evidence of unpatriotic behavior? Michelle rises above this stuff because it's silly and deserves no attention. She's a mature, emotionally prepared adult. Ann seems to be lost, and there is no way this woman is emotionally prepared to be FLOTUS.

  30. Nibbler of Niblonia

    I'm loving this Wonkette theme of calling Ann "egg" but she much more like Gangy – without the martinis and the sense of humor.

  31. eggsacklywright

    Hey, Annie, the Insane Cult Posse you call a church is gonna fine you when they find out Mittz hasn't been coughing up his full ten percent.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      All the VIPs in the Mormon church are doing the same shit. It's "you people" who get kicked out if they skimp on their ten percent.

  32. pepperpat

    Maybe Ann should trade places with Mrs. Obama for a day so she can see what a piece of cake it is being married to a guy who probably receives more death threats than any other human being alive. Not to mention seeing pictures of him turned into a monkey, a tribal savage, or dressed as Hitler. Oh yeah, and protecting two teenage daughters from all this ugliness and making sure they have as normal a life as possible. And all the while, doing it with a grace and confidence this country hasn't seen in a FLOTUS since Jackie Kennedy. while wearing reasonably-priced designer clothing.

    Oops, this is Wonkette. Hey Ann – BLOW ME. :-P

  33. Goonemeritus

    “it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now and it’s an important election and it is time for all Americans to realize how significant this election is”

    I for one am profoundly thankful to have Governor Romney and his VP pick to help define the conservative sides of this argument. I can think of no candidate that more clearly defines who the modern Republican Party is.

  34. UW8316154

    I want to see Ann versus Callista in the Octagon. No one leaves until there's a winner! Who will prevail as the cuntier entitled bitch??

  35. LibertyLover

    Uh, in all seriousness… Mitt is asking for a JOB of representing the American people. ALL of the American people. If he gets elected, and that is a real scary possibility if people don't get out and vote, he's going to take it as a mandate to eliminate the safety net that so many need in these hard times. (As well as privatizing Social Security and Medicare)

    What bothers me most is that Romney has not once asked for the job, or told me why he wants the job. He just assumes that it is going to be his as his birthright. And I do NOT want to have to listen to Robot Mitt and Queen Ann for 4 years! Please don't let that happen.

    You will now be returned to your regularly scheduled snark.

  36. glasspusher

    Man, I listened to her whine on that audio clip for about 30 seconds. Couldn't stand it anymore. Man, Mitt's going to be in the doghouse with her after he loses. I'm pretty sure he'll be more butthurt than Ann when this is over.

  37. Chichikovovich

    We should start a pool about how many lines into the prepared "wifey thank-you concession speech" Ann can spit out before she cracks and lets loose an unprepared, spittle-flecked tsunami of venom directed at "you people".

    I think she can make it to sentence 4, but then I've always been a bit generous in estimating people's capacities.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I'm guessing she won't be available to the media for a long time after the election/until Romney has downsized the staff to a point where no one is watching her.

  38. poorgradstudent

    I'd have more sympathy for her comments if she extended them to Michelle Obama, who no doubt for some mysterious reason has gotten it twenty times worse than Anne ever did and ever will, but of course I doubt that kind of empathy is even in Anne's field of comprehension.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, lots of crackers imagine it all the time. Michelle doesn't actually say it, but they sure do imagine it.

      1. tessiee

        Yeah, she's so *angry*,
        and so… so… *militant*,
        with all her, um, broccoli…
        and um…

        not white and blonde…
        oops, did I say that last part out loud?

  39. Abernathy

    Perfect Republican logic: Spending vast sums of money to get a job you're not fit for just to stroke your ego = deserving sympathy. Not having enough money to live = your own damn fault, don't expect no sympathy.

  40. DahBoner

    how lucky we are

    Casino Mitt– sadder than an Injun Casino!

    He's the poor's "best bet" (but he doesn't gamble folks)

    Also America's Bartender, Coke dealer and AA meeting sponsor.


  41. Toomush_Infer

    I'm imagining Mitt in the ring, Marquis of Queensbury stance , his trainer shouting over and over again: "Move your legs, dammit!!!" …maybe it is time for a little doobie….

  42. ottercliff

    My Dearest Ann,
    Leave the dullard you are married to. Take up with Herman Cain! I just know he'd be receptive. Here's a man who would have won in a landslide.

  43. Barrelhse

    No good times, no bad times
    There's no times at all
    Just the New York Times
    Sitting on the windowsill
    Near the flowers.

    -Paul Simon, "Overs"

  44. Katydid

    Ya know, Egg's right, I think….if the Mittster wins, maybe we'll be better. Maybe he'll outsource Mississippi and 'Bama…..that's change I can believe in.

  45. BartStarrland

    We will know when women have achieved some measure of gender equity when asshole women can be called assholes right alongside asshole men.

  46. VeraSevera

    Hey…it was her idea to get the shirts at Costco for Mittens, which he loved very much, and I'm pretty sure the lotion tan for the interview with the Messicans was her idea. Cause Mittens so wants to be Messican, and she's supportive of her husband. I say they put the Lady in Red in charge…

    1. tessiee

      "I'm pretty sure the lotion tan for the interview with the Messicans was her idea"

      Not giving Boehner credit where it's due?
      Now you've gone and made him cry.

  47. notanncoulter

    Who keeps handing these people shovels, and why, for the love of all that's… well, something… do they keep grabbing them and digging?!

  48. tessiee

    "it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now"

    *tweeeeeeee*rescuing the country from the darkies*tweeeeeeee*

  49. Arishii

    I just think it's funny that she's using horse show talk: " This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring" Hey, Mrs. Romney, "Shut up and ride!"

  50. valthemus

    The thought of that whiny bitch becoming our first lady leaves me so depressed I must spend the next 12 hours watching gay porn just to cheer myself up. Yes, that's the excuse I'm going with.

  51. lochnessmonster

    It is hard work flying around in your own jet and going wherever you please. The mean girl wants YOU PEOPLE to stop being so mean!

  52. kingofmeh

    nothing makes you look more presidential than having your wife yell at people and tell them not to be so mean to you.

  53. JohnnyBrooklyn

    As a limey, I very much enjoyed the comparisons between the Romneys and Queen Lizzie. I'm hardly a royalist by any stretch but it should be pointed out that Queenie refused to leave England during the blitz even though her life was in considerable danger, and drove an ambulance to help save the lives of others.

    I'm sure we can all see the parallels between her sacrifice and that of the Romneys.

  54. FlyOverGirl

    Just now rolling around to this one, but how odd Egg says, After losing the last election, I sent Mittens a video that said never again.

    Ummm…don't most people go in the family room and talk? A video, seriously??

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