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Professor Schoolmarm, with the ruler, in the libraryRemember when Your Wonkette went to Tampa and Charlotte and then lots and tons of other cities, to feed beer to you, our beloved Wonkados? No, we don’t either. But we are told we made friends with a bunch of dudes from Boston whilst there, and they told us FLAT OUT that Scott Brown was gonna cream Elizabeth Warren in the Massachusetts Senate race. Everybody likes him too much, they explained, but we have not asked them to splain since all those polls came out showing Warren finally ahead how they could be so stupid. Eh, happens to everyone! Like today, we put up a Fox & Friends post that was over two years old! Here, have some liveblog, we shall begin! If you don’t have Cspan THREE, you can watch it here.

7:02 PM — And in his very first answer, Scott Brown comes out and calls Elizabeth Warren an Affirmative Action Pocahontas who lies about her very skin color! We think Massachusetts voters might not like the Dickish side of Sears?

7:04 PM — Whoops. “I was gonna start out by saying Scott Brown is a nice guy.” Her dad’s family not wanting him to marry her mom because of her mixed-breed heritage seems like a good enough reason to think you are Native American. Brown returns with “personnel records,” even though Harvard has already vowed she didn’t claim minority status. This is an uggggllly debate from Question One, and Warren is being soft-spoken and gracious.

7:12 PM — Scott Brown explains that joblessness comes from “regulatory uncertainty.” This is hilarious, because Elizabeth Warren actually knows stuff about things. And the made-up-ness of that rightwing talking point is almost unanswerable. But not when Warren is there to break it down for you. Remember Bill Clinton in Charlotte? Yeah, Elizabeth Warren would like to Explain some stuff at you!

7:16 PM — Brownie cites the extreme rightwing US Chamber of Commerce as Warren being a job killer. He calls them “independent.” Warren is going to reeeeallly need to focus on not making “IDIOT!!!!” faces at every idiot thing Brown says.

7:21 PM — Yes Warren is saying awesome things, but can we note that with that weird Plexiglas podium, it looks like she is saying them from her Invisble Wonder Woman Plane?

7:22 PM — Warren talks about subsidizing the oil companies making $137 billion in profits each year. He rebuts that it’s reaallly expensive to gas up his truck. DRINK!

7:32 PM — Why does Elizabeth Warren keep bringing up Scott Brown’s votes? Doesn’t she know that is not allowed?

7:33 PM — Brown: My dad or stepdad or someone was a piece of shit who beat up my mom so I have been fighting for women since I was six, except for Equal Pay for Equal Work, also Catholics! Stop pittin’ ’em! Oh, what, somebody is actually explaining how the birth control mandate was NOT a war on religion? SHUT YOUR MOUTH HUSSY.

7:35 PM — Brown loves women! And hates the Globe! But equal pay is for trial lawyers, and some nonsense about the Blunt Amendment. Oooh, and Warren lowers the “I knew Senator Kennedy” BOOM.

7:42 PM — Is it just us, or does Brown sound like a condescending prick even when he’s praising Hillary Clinton? We are fairly sure he said something nice, but it came out like he was slapping her ass and calling her a great gal.

7:46 PM — Scott Brown goes in for the kill: OH YEAH? Well ELIZABETH WARREN IS RICH!!!

7:47 PM — Sure you wanted to leave that hanging right over the plate, Scott? Are you suuuuuure? Oh right, here is Elizabeth Warren to explain that citizens invested in her education, not loopholes for the big guys, with those big warm eyes of hers. Scott Brown: BLAH BLAH ANGER! PIGGY BANK! FLOOD INSURANCE! BLAH.

7:51 PM — Scott Brown says Elizabeth Warren poisons people with asbestos. True? Don’t know! We will get back to you on that, once Twitter makes its ruling!

7:52 PM — Scott Brown cites the eternal sadness that is no new nuclear facilities, the same day Three Mile Island shuts down. (For real!)

7:54 PM — And finally, Elizabeth Warren pulls the James Inhofe is a fucking moron card. However did it take so long?

8:05 PM — So here is the Globe article Warren cited to refute Brown’s assertion that she danced on the grave of asbestos victims. It’s … long! But it basically says no, Elizabeth Warren helped people with asbestos, even though she was working for the insurance company. Stupid Globe commies.

And … that’s it! Did it feel incredibly weird and short to anyone else? Like, there was so much pent up SHIT the two were trying to say, they sounded like cattle auctioneers. LUCKILY THERE WILL BE THREE MORE.

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