NEEDS MOAR GINGRICH  4:30 pm September 20, 2012

Yes We Will Live-Bloog Elizabeth Warren Schoolmarming That Dreamy Scott Brown

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Or, you know, put on any panties at allHarry Reid has done us all the mitzvah of making sure Scott Brown doesn’t have an excused absence from tonight’s debate with everyone’s favorite schoolmarm, Elizabeth Warren. Also, Reid basically called Brown a coward trying to get out of the debate the way most Republicans got out of Vietnam, and then told him to put on some dry panties and go get on an aeroplane. So we will see you here at 7 p.m. Eastern, presuming this thing will be live-streamed somewhere? (We do not live in Massachusetts.)

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 100 comments }

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Will Brown be pimping his daughters there?

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

If so, I need to call Delta.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

What, so you can be six hours late and arrive with no luggage?

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Why yes! Then I will cast myself on the mercy and charity of the Brown daughters, who will dress and feed me and give me a place to lay my weary head.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You mean after the rest of us have had our turn

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Damn, always one step ahead!

BoroPrimorac September 20, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Does pimping really ever stop?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 20, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Pimping ain't easy but it's necessary

The_Bobs September 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Brown is planning on taking the swimsuit portion of the debate. Kweschuns is hard.

KathrynSane September 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Someone on NPR this morning said that Warren needed to make sure she didn't look like the smartest kid in the class.

Dude. She IS the smartest kid in the class. That's why we like her.

JerkCade September 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Yes, if there's one thing that turns me off, it's a politician who knows things.

Designer_Rants September 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

And: She's nice and cares about people. BIG turnoff in a politician.

GregComlish September 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Speaking of which, I'm a little surprised Wonkette never seized on Santorum's attack against "Smart People" this week, baldly stating that as Republicans they will never have "Smart People On Our Side"

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rosiegray/rick-santorum-s

commiegirl99 September 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Because I figured he was saying it sneeringly. And unlike the other side, I don't pretend I don't understand sarcasm when i am hearing it! (I think? Maybe I do do that. I forget.)

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I think you are giving Frothy too much credit, Becca.

commiegirl99 September 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You guys have convinced me. Good job all! Fuck that guy!

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Remember, this is the guy who said that Obama's attempts to send more people to college and vocational schools made him a "snob".

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 4:55 pm

No, I grew up with asshats like him. He was quite serious. Infantile, but serious.

GregComlish September 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

He was sneering at smart people, but he wasn't being sarcastic. His sneering was entirely sincere.

James Michael Curley September 20, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I have to agree with you because I find it hard to believe he believes the simple meaning of it. I do think he thought he was blowing another of his man-on-dog whistles when he used "smart people" as a code for Harvard Educated East Coast Limousine Liberals, in other words the attack he often used against Romney during the primaries.

SorosBot September 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I'm surprised to see no mention yet of T-Paw jumping off the sinking bridge of the Romney campaign.

noodlesalad September 20, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Never forget: Adlai Stevenson was once told: "All thinking people are on your side!" and he responded – "That's not enough, I need a majority!"

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Lemme guess, was it on "All Things Considered"?

rickmaci September 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Damn there are just a bunch of high octane women in the Dem party right now. Her, Hilary, Jennifer Granholm, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, FLOTUS, all for starters. I think I hear a glass ceiling starting to make sounds like it's about to break.

KathrynSane September 20, 2012 at 4:46 pm

We can only fucking hope.

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Dude, your avatar cracks me up, every time.

AncienReggie September 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm

The thing about that glass ceiling, I can see up their dresses. Gonna miss that when the ceiling breaks, so maybe we can get mirrored floors.

noodlesalad September 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

NPR engaging in anti-intellectualism? YARRGH!!!! IT'S OK TO KNOW THINGS PEEPEL. Our founding fathers would be mortified, and not just at the wommin running for senate.

Beowoof September 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Well we like her, but she is like kryptonite to the republican base.

HogeyeGrex September 20, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Can I hope it's green kryptonite?

YouBetcha September 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm

What the hell kind of country is this when people are ordered to provide "more derp"? Yeah, I know, "I will vote for a guy as dumb as me that I can have a beer with." Assholes. I'm moving to France.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Will she promise to wear a big ruffled shirt and pull her hair back in a bun with her big librarian glasses?

Cuz that might make me stay tuned in.

wiccanpedia September 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Since you'll need to tune in to find out, you might as well stay a while. I'm hoping to watch online- I guess here is where we should go to watch if we're not actually in Mass? http://boston.cbslocal.com/

elviouslyqueer September 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Or she could truly "school" Scottie with this little ensemble.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That was sort of the look I had in mind, except I don't think she quite makes her buttons strain like that.

Wait. Unless you mean the bikini?

wapitiscat September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Or this.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Yes, that was pretty close to how I imagined it would go.

WhatTheHeck September 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I hope she has padded shoulders and carries a nun’s ruler.
Spankings. Yes spankings are called for.

Come here a minute September 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

No, CFPB does not stand for Center Fold Protection Bureau.

tihond September 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

He'll drive his truck through the front of the debate hall to make sure he makes it on time.

Designer_Rants September 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Cuz he's Folksy.

TribecaMike September 20, 2012 at 6:42 pm

And emerge shouting "Kool-aid!!!"

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Isn't the catchphrase "Ohhh, YEAH!" in a deep voice?

Baconzgood September 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Chicken's shit gotta try to be a chicken and shit.

bureaucrap September 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Given that Scotty started his career off by NOT having panties, there's no reason for him to start now.

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Harry Reid just kicked Mitch McConnell in the nuts on his way to the cafeteria.

no_gravity September 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Did he retreat back into his shell afterwards?

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

heh heh :)

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Wow, the thought of that made me WAY to happy. Just the thought of Harry Reid being violent in any way, really.

Beowoof September 20, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Former Boxer Reid will be dishing out some left hooks to the republican leadership. And maybe he could stop over at the house and give a couple to Boner and Cantor. I would pay to watch that.

Limeylizzie September 20, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I seriously love Harry Reid, because he really seems to despise Mittens. Mormon on Mormon violence is excellent.

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Brown: "How many miles does your truck have, Elizabeth?"
Warren: "Well…"
Brown: "Exactly!" (double fist pumps)

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"My name is Kenny Powers and I approve this message"

Designer_Rants September 20, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Warren drives the shitty little car with the big floppy purple dildo taped to the hood.

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 5:42 pm

A rusty '82 Volvo station wagon, prolly.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"NEEDS MOAR GINGRICH"

Nope. No. No, it doesn't.

weejee September 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Indeed. We don't give a fig about that Newton.

PsycWench September 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Nothing needs "more Gingrich", including the Gingriches.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I really, really, really hate Newt Gingrich. He really is a loathsome… well, toad, for lack of a better word.

Vilifying Bill Clinton for fucking interns while he was FUCKING INTERNS. The hypocrisy is at eleven and climbing.

Misty Malarky September 20, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Here's the tricky part!

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hmm. I think I'll check and see if Cam Newton can confound the New York Vagiants defense.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I hate him forever, but am so glad he is getting paid by the NFL instead of Auburn now. I do not deny his talent, I just hate him.

bureaucrap September 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Hopefully, Ms Warren will follow Lois Griffin's example and just answer all questions with "9/11".

Beowoof September 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I thought that was Rudy's mo.

Sassomatic September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

He shouldn't be expected to lower himself by debating with a woman.

Goonemeritus September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Elizabeth Warren really should eat some lead paint chips before this debate just to make it more sporting.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Lead might be dandy but liquor is quicker.

rocktonsam September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

granny glasses libel!!1!

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

My grandfather is finding this difficult to masturbate to.

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Whenever Brown is talking, Warren will be all *cough*Mitt Romney*cough*

docterry6973 September 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Scotty better watch out for Warren's kidney punches or he'll be pissing blood for a week. Cough cough Pussy cough.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Am I the only one that hopes that Warren tears off her glasses, thrown Brown on the floor, and has her way with him?

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Yes.

kittensdontlie September 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Unless you mean, reaches in his chest , tears out his heart and eats it…then, no.

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm

the new yorker just had a funny quote about watching richard gere and not watching lloyd blankfein

that's kinda how i feel about this proposition.

vtxmcrider September 21, 2012 at 2:57 pm

She can just sit on his face and tell him to keep lying.

rickmaci September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Yah. But WHOSE panties did he put on???

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I just love Elizabeth Warren. She warms the cockles of my heart and I have no idea what cockles are, but they're warmer.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Well, she warms the heart of my cockles so I'm with you.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I just looked it up! NOT what I was expecting.

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 5:00 pm

So she warms my cochleae cordis.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I got an email from Warren's campaign saying it will be on C-SPAN and CBSBoston.com. Go get 'em, Liz!

OzoneTom September 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Yes, C-Span stream 3 apparently.

sbj1964 September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

So do you think it was just cold in the studio when they took his centerfold pics?No he's still a little prick.

weejee September 20, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Since beloved Elizabeth is from Oklahoma, let's be Grateful getting up for the debate.

Callyson September 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Does anyone know if this will be on C – Span, for those of us who don't live in Mass? I hope so, and I'll make a point of checking.

Also–GO ELIZABETH!

ETA: Oh yeah, C – Span is on it!

http://www.c-spanvideo.org/schedule

Poindexter718 September 20, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Can Sen. Reid account for his whereabouts on September 11, 1857?
Was he in the vicinity of Mountain Meadows, Utah?

SayItWithWookies September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I hope Warren wipes the floor with him. Um — and then vacuums all the pubes left behind, of course.

littlebigdaddy September 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I'm looking forward to the hilariously racist Indian jokes about Warren that we will no doubt see. It hurts my eyes too much to look at those sites, but I fully expect our Wonket to make that sacrifice for us!

Schmannnity September 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm

The Battle of the Valley of the Dolls: Mrs. Beasley vs. Ken

Blueb4sinrise September 20, 2012 at 5:15 pm

It's The Class vs. The Ass in Mass!!

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

i am so glad i am not not drinking tonight.

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Maybe he's still working his way through college by letting people take pictures of his dick?

Taseful, arty pictures of course…

PinkoPopulist September 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I still can't believe he tried to hide behind "business of the Senate" as if the Senate actually accomplishes anything! Not to mention the business of any political body has never stopped any candidate for any office from undertaking any activity ever, also, too.

Veritas78 September 20, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Just a word of caution here, folks, from a local—this is going to be trickier for her than for him.

She's not going to be able to just ride Obama's coattails in. Her campaign staff has made some tone-deaf mistakes, and it's not yet clear that they've figured out the magic words. Plus, we have Dems who like to vote for a Republican once a decade or so, and a few have pulled the lever for Brown before.

Incitefully_Joe September 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Scott Brown is pretty sure that people of American Indian descent never look basically white. Scott Brown has probably not met many people of American Indian descent, particularly those who live in the Northeast.

Incitefully_Joe September 20, 2012 at 7:17 pm

US Chamber of Commerce is an "independent" group. LOL!

ttommyunger September 20, 2012 at 7:19 pm

This little lady is more of a man than Scott could ever hope to be, and more of a lady than he dreams of being.

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

They seem like they would be quite generous, so certainly. Besides, it wouldn't be fair for me to go first.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I can't promise leftovers.

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