a time to kill a chair

Texas Patriot Lynches Obama Chair

hangin' with mr. chairIf lynches were wishes, the president would be white.

A nice patriotic fella down in Austin, Texas, has taken to protesting our Kenyan usurper president in the most calm and rational way possible: lynching an empty chair. Via Katherine Haenschen:

I called the homeowner to ask about his display, citing my concerns as a fellow Austinite. He replied, and I quote, “I don’t really give a damn whether it disturbs you or not. You can take [your concerns] and go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don’t give a shit. If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street.”

Ironically, the homeowner in question, Bud Johnson, won “Yard of the Month” in August 2010 from his Homeowners Association. I guess his display was a little different that month?

Correct, lady. It was August 2010, at the head of Teatard Mania, so he hung a man made of teabags with a “watermelon flavor” sign around the neck and, in case you didn’t get it, a small sign underneath that said “The Slow Drip of Liberty” and then next to it, “For Whites.” SUBTLETY.

oh say can you seeThe best part is that now Bud Johnson has added an American flag to his lynching exhibit, as you can see. It really does drive home the point that in America, we reserve the right and the privilege to lynch any figurative thing we goddamn please and to stick any symbol up that figurative thing’s figurative ass until it gets the point that it should die slow, motherfucker.

This is America, though, most specifically Texas. And this man has the absolute freedom of speech to threaten the President’s life until the Secret Service comes knocking and tells him they’d like to have a chat. And he is protecting that right to the fullest.

As of the time of this post’s publication, the chair was still hanging in effigy in Northwest Austin. Neighbors report that the homeowner had a “guard” on his lawn yesterday protecting his installation.

Praise be. And I’m sure he’s also hanging out on Free Republic, yipping like a poodle in heat about how he’s pissed off his libtard neighbors by exercising his god-given constitutional right to be a complete and total shit by completely ruining any chance of rational discourse.

[Burnt Orange Report]

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      1. omrala

        Well, you can find nuts anywhere if you go looking.

        Overall, though, here's a nice quick summary of Texas, from the 2008 election results – and you can successfully make some cultural extrapolations as well. The blue dots are Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston – and then there are a few random stray counties, and then there's the border.

      1. sewollef

        True dat. South Congress is one of the cool areas… and I shall be there next month for Austin City Limits. Staying at the Hotel San José.

        Of course I've never ventured outside Austin, I ain't stoopid, I'm from Brooklyn.

    1. no_gravity

      Sadly, the really crappy furniture store in Tampa that sold the RNC the chair is advertising – Hey, we sold the crappy chair, come on down and buy your own keepsake replica of the highlight of the 2012 RNC.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Act now and you get a free Bob Dole campaign button to complete your Republican loser collection.

    2. mrpuma2u

      And it's kinda off white. He shoulda hung hisself a BROWN chair. What a muffler suckin' cousin fuckin' hick.

  1. actor212

    I, for one, wish to renew my liberal credentials by starting a civil rights movement for our "ensconce-enhanced" chair brethren.

    Chairs are people too, my friend!

  2. Jus_Wonderin

    Hmmmmmm. I suppose if there were callgirls in Austin, we could get the Secret Service to investigate?

        1. NellCote71

          Actually, rumor has it that the Governor swings both ways and has an ample number of contacts of the call-girl kind. Kind of the Bill Clinton of Texas, but not.

  3. Come here a minute

    Sadly the Texas "stand your ground" law does not include the right to use deadly force in defense of your chair.

    1. Negropolis

      Dude, this is Texas. You can quite literally shoot a man in the back on the sidewalk for stealing property from your neighbor.

      1. sbj1964

        I'm going to Waco next week.Send help if you don't hear from me.Hell I'll just take a science book it's like Kryptonite to them.

      2. MosesInvests

        Yeah-unlike the rest of Texas, this asshat is in the minority in Travis County. A few miles north in Williamson County, though, he'd feel right at home. Dammit, this @sswipe lives maybe 3 miles away from me. Makes me want to machine-gun him and skullf*ck him-with votes, of course.

  4. GunToting[Redacted]

    This is actually a brilliant subversive installation art statement. When Eastwood gave his own erudite performance art piece, the chair was what the invisible Obama (the one that only the wingnuts can see) sat in. By elevating the chair, he demonstrates that Obama is standing tall, and Bud must be standing with our President.

    I smell a MacArthur Genius award in Mr. Johnson's future!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I've got a neighbor who decorates his front-yard tree for all occasions: Middle of February – hearts and flowers, Early July – flags and bunting, Late October – ghosts and bats, Late November – turkeys and pumpkins…

      Maybe it's National Chair Week or something, and this poor fellow is just misunderstood.

  5. Barbara_

    I saw this and I thought that it was some sort of art display in homage to his wife, who also swings and has her legs up in the air for everyone to see. Guess I will never be an art critic.

    Sorry Lurleen, my bad.

  6. SoBeach

    My crazy neighbor (granted he's not chair-hanging crazy) has been laying low since I had the code enforcement folks remove the shrine to Jesus and right wing candidates he built in the public right of way and attached to traffic signs. The homeowners association and I are definitely on his shit list.

  7. ChurchofRealism

    Maybe he just really, really hates folding chairs and decided to gently string it up by it's puny metal neck because of it's Kenyan birth certificate and Muslim/Communist/Socialist tendencies. That "chair" is to serve notice to other "chairs" to not get all uppity on "his street".

  8. Wadisay

    If he wants another symbol of his point of view, there's still room to hang a douche bag next to that chair.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        "A Wonkette commentrix and a cute dog, Nipper, shoot a racist and take off in a '66 Thunderbird."

        I wonder if this idea has been made into a movie yet?

  9. actor212

    If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street

    To which the obvious adult response is "Oh, I'm coming down your street, alright, and I'm shooting my guns ahead of me. If you don't like it, don't step in front of me."

  10. FakaktaSouth

    I just can't stand this. I can't stand how proud he is of himself with his shrine to some of the worst actions ever taken in this country and his belief that this is what "freedom" means, that he can gleefully express a desire to do what some of the most evil pathetic creatures to ever walk around in this country did to their fellow human beings. How are you SUPPOSED to react to something like this? I keep thinking, hey asshole, bite the curb, (american history x, with votes?) and I know that is the wrong thing, I'm not right either, but I want to slap the smug racist ignorant shit fuck out of him. with votes. or flying chainsaws. no votes, votes, sorry.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I'm gonna make a small donation to his local NPR and also to the Obama campaign using his name and address.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Oh my love for you grows more and more everyday. That is very good, I like it. And I don't have to go to Texas OR jail that way. Thank you.

      2. BaldarTFlagass

        It would be best if someone could get his email address and submit it, with about a hundred bucks, to the Travis County Democratic Party.

    2. HELisforHEL

      Yeah, I'm with you. This boils me over, this horrid racist shit. You bring the flying chainsaws and I'll get the transportation and let's do this.

      1. prommie

        Do you know flyingchainsaw? He is a legend of the old Wonkette, screaming intelligent angry hyperbole of the first order. I find myself invoking him, hoping that just by repeating his name he will appear, like the Great Gazoo.

        1. HELisforHEL

          Oh yeah, I *think* I recall the name…was it in Olden Tymes, under the old forum/blog/whatever, back during the dark years of Smirky?

          I was taking the call to chainsaws literally, which I"m still up for. :-)

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      Withering sarcasm is better for shitheads like this. "Oh! Aren't you a special patriot? What a clever person you are; you must be so proud."

      Even if he's too dumb to understand, anyone else around you will get the gist.

      I almost wish I lived next to this guy. My freedom of speech would be a big sign in my yard saying "My neighbor is a racist asshole. Please ignore him."

      1. bikerlaureate

        I wonder if it would be legal for the next-door neighbor to have dummies or mannequins – one white, with a photo of Mistuh Johnson on its face, and the rest in various (bright?) colors, doing naughty and scandalous things to the Johnson-dummy…?

    4. CommieLibunatic

      Punches. Justice Punches. I've felt more and more like resorting to those with each demented headline these days.

  11. SwanSwanH

    Hill Country Ikea to offer the LÖPSNARA noose assembly for hanging their HÄSTVEDA and POÄNG armchairs this fall.

    1. AncienReggie

      The Assholes on the right, are big but not very bright
      [ clap clap clap clap ]
      Deep in the heart of Texas!

      /There. Fixed.

  12. SmutBoffin

    I expect to see this installed in a fancy mooseeyum any day now. It uses a metal folding chair; this give it a lot of form for a very modest cost in material. The choice of location lends the piece a conspicuousness that pulls a viewer into the mind and worldview of the artist.

    And the flag represents a penis.

    1. actor212

      It speaks to the innate inhumanity of man and while some of the imagery I didn't understand, I found it quite effective. It seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the humanity of the artist's soul, which contrives through the medium of the branch structure to sublimate whatever it was about.

  13. Monsieur_Grumpe

    At least it wasn't a lawn jockey because that would have been a violation of the homeowner association regulations.

  14. barto

    Are lynchings allowed in his CCRs (probably, it is Tejas after all)? That is quite a magnificent yard, Homeowners Ass., nice pick there!

  15. elviouslyqueer


    I couldn't agree more, Spicewood Estates residents. May I suggest you start with your odious asshole of a neighbor?

  16. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey, his address is listed in the yard of the month linky. I wonder what we should do with that? Have him inundated with junk mail at the least.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I'm not saying that I have a collection of hardcore interracial gay porn sitting around my basement, but I am suggesting that he shouldn't be surprised to find such a collection arriving at his front door in short order.

  17. chicken_thief

    They attach a poop bag to their neighborhood newsletter so folks can police up the dog shit. Shit like this though, meh, it's all good apparently.

  18. Generation[redacted]

    Lynching was a horrific and commonplace act in Reconstruction-era Texas and continued until the mid-1940's

    Oh, it only continued until the 1940s? Do tell…

    Most recently, in 1998, James Byrd Jr. — for whom the Texas Hate Crimes Prevention Act is named — was lynched by being dragging behind a vehicle in East Texas.


    1. elviouslyqueer

      I think what she meant was that lynching was commonplace until the mid-1940s. Which is actually true — the acts dropped off pretty dramatically after national anti-lynching legislation was passed postwar, and definitions of "lynching" also changed. But she's also spot on in calling James Byrd Jr.'s death a lynching (as was Matthew Shepard's).

      /done lots of research on lynching

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Are there statistics on lynching vs other forms of racial killing in the south? I read that there were also riots where white mobs would burn down black neighborhoods. If you combine the lynching, the riots, and people who were simply shot down or otherwise killed for being black, I wonder what the final death toll in the south was? I recently read The Warmth of Other Suns which stated that 6 million blacks fled, but didn't say how many were killed. Made it sound like an awful lot, though.

        1. elviouslyqueer

          The actual lynching numbers are fairly low (the Tuskeegee Institute started keeping records in 1882 and, according to newspaper reports, at least 3,442 lynchings occurred between 1882 and the 1950s). The problem is in the reportage, of course, and in location. The vast majority of the counties where lynchings took place tended to be poor, sparsely inhabited, and rural. That being said, historian James Clarke probably says it best about lynching, "The numbers grossly underestimate the actual bloodshed blacks endured." And you're right about there being riots and mob violence galore (in fact, the title of Stewart Tolnay and E. M. Beck's fanfuckingtastic book on lynching is A Festival of Violence), and many times this violence happened outside the South (Marion, Indiana, had one of the most infamous lynchings in American history, when over 2000 residents yanked three young black men out of the jail and strung them up beside the courthouse). But because blacks comprised a larger portion of the population in the South, the vast majority of lynchings took place there.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    "Neighbors report that the homeowner had a “guard” on his lawn yesterday protecting his installation."

    Let me guess: Snoozing plaster Mexican in serape/sombrero, or lawn jockey.

  20. anniegetyerfun

    "This is America, though, most specifically Texas."

    Sorry, but those two ideas cannot exist in my brain at the same time.

  21. HELisforHEL

    Oh what a surprise, he has a fucking stupidass gaswhore Suburban or some such truck in his garage. Yep, keep sucking on that Middle East War oil teat, ya dumb motherfucker. Gee whiz, why are we at war again? Oh yeah–FREEDUMBZ. Yeah, it has nothing to do with our inability to develop alternative fuels/energy sources and our endless need for oil oil oil from the other side of the globe. And that we have to kill kill kill in order to protect 'our national interests'.

    Keep thinking Hopey's the problem and not your stupid obstructionist party of morons, who got us in to this mess in the first place.

    Wow, this just brings out every shred of anger I possess.

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    "go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don’t give a shit."

    So, Bud Johnson is the honey badger of Northwest Austin.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Even without the sign you can tell how much of a douche he is by how much taller his house is to the others in the neighborhood.

      Also, booty? Lame ass motherfucker is lame.

      1. emmelemm

        I. KNOW. RIGHT.?

        Actually, it seems the reason he hung the sign was because his neighbors were annoyed at how big he built the house, so he felt the need to scream "FREEDUM!" at them.

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          I really hope this house is not hooked up to Seattle city light, or the sewer system, or Puget Sound Energy. I also hope he can get to and from work without using all of those government roads and fancy bridges, doesn't depend of Seattle fire or police departments, local hospitals or schools or a WA state ferry. And I really hope his house is not built to code and falls down on his fat head during the next earthquake.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Yeah. It makes me want to go back to Louisiana. Actually, I am going back for a long weekend at the farm…right now.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Is it okay to still love TGTBTU? Those 3 movies are among my favorites ever, despite Clint now being an old coot.
      (still one of the most moving Civil War scenes ever)

      1. Blueb4sinrise


        Also, what was the one where Clint is lynched and then comes back and kills everybody?

        Never mind. Saw below….Hang Em High….duh…….

  23. Weenus299

    When Samuel L. Jackson's stool testified about bursting into this guy's house and rattling a magazine full of 7.62mm rounds in and around his La-Z-Boy, it admitted guilt, adding "And I hope it burns in HELLL!"

  24. Toomush_Infer

    This is great – you can just see how this guy has tightly closed curtains and a getoffmylawn mentality, surrounded as he is by Austinites with their librul talk and librul walk – you can practically feel the smoke coming off his forehead as he stews in his own private hell…yep, let's re-elect Obama and see if his head explodes….

  25. weejee

    a “watermelon flavor” sign

    Now I'm going to have the tune 'Watermelon Man' on loop play in my head for then next few hours.

    / shakes head to get rid of all those damn seeds

  26. Native_of_SL_UT

    What these dipshits fail to recognize is that while they believe Clint stood on stage and created a parody of Obama, the rest of the world saw Clint as a parody of the GOP.
    This guy furthers that parody along to new heights.

  27. littlebigdaddy

    I'll bet THIS MERCAN thought that joke about Michelle Obama in National Geographic was pretty darn funny, yessirree!

  28. Jus_Wonderin

    I'm confused. As one of the 47%, aren't I supposed to be lazily sitting around in that chair waiting dependently on the Government to bring me food, and housing, and, oh, I don't know, whatever………………………..

  29. YasserArraFeck

    what the article fails to mention is that Mr. Johnson won the "Yard of the Year" for his extensive collection of blackface lawn-jockeys (or, as he calls them "Yard-N****rs")

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      In my youth, there was a radiator shop over on the NE side of San Antonio that the guy had a landscape wall with about 15 or 20 of those lined up right next to each other for about 40 feet. It was pretty surreal. It's long gone now, maybe the guy retired and moved to Austin.

  30. JustPixelz

    I'm sure Clint Eastwood is proud of this "Hang 'em High" sequel.

    He should be careful. Presumably that chair has nuclear weapons.

    He should hang an ottoman and tell the internets it's Mohammed.

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    This guy's gonna be so pissed off that he's going to have to hang his dining room table from the tree, come November 7.

  32. rickmaci

    OMG will this guy really lose it when the RepubliKKKans nominate that Mezican Marco Rubio for VP in the next presidential election (I know, I know, Rubio is Cuban but this guy won't care because all those browns speak that Mezican to each other.)

  33. randcoolcatdaddy

    With freedom of speech comes the incredible power to announce to the world, "I am a racist, bitter, uneducated ass." And a guarantee that your house is getting pelted with rotten eggs on Halloween.

  34. Estproph

    I read this article this morning, and then went to the Obama campaign page to suggest that they start selling lawn chairs with Obama logos for yard signs. I'm going to make one myself.

  35. Troglodeity

    Poor Ms. Haenschen. She actually has to state in her follow-up article that Texas isn't all bad: "We're not all crazy bigots."

    There's a state tourism slogan for you.

    1. HELisforHEL

      That would look perfect on a license plate.
      South Carolina could claim: 'We're not all delusional Jesus freaks'
      Florida: 'We're not all complete and utter morons'
      Arizona: 'We're not all meanspirited douchebags'

  36. rickmaci

    Dear Mr. Johnson, I sincerely hope that on the morning of Wednesday November 7, when President Obama will have secured his re-election, you will have the decency and good grace to replace the chair with your head.

    Fuck you muchly,


  37. Beowoof

    There are times when my I revert to my less than stellar adolescent years and feel the need to go and pay Bud a visit. As a former football and hockey player I do believe giving Bud a beating (with a bag of votes) would enlighten him, or at least make me feel better.

  38. ChrisM2011

    Technically, sir, it's not entirely YOUR street. It's one of those "socialist/redistribution" streets everyone can use which means it's probably best if you start making your way through the bushes just to avoid touching that commie pavement.

  39. Self-Uploader

    Maybe if elected Romney will renew NEA funding.

    Seriously, the wonkette is just joshing about the 2010 yard display, right? You must be, because the black helicopters and Eric Holder would have assassinated him, right?

  40. Chet Kincaid_

    I encourage ALL Republicans to hang a chair in their front yards as a sign of solidarity with the Romney/Ryan campaign! This is exactly the groundswell of support from the base that will put Romney back on the right track!

    1. Negropolis

      Better yet, just hold the chairs. Minimalist protests are always better. The easier to spot you guys with.

  41. rocktonsam

    every time we see the crap in Texas I curl up in my rocking chair and chant Molly and Willie are from Texas and that seems to help some

  42. ffredpalakon

    So the chair is supposed to represent Obama…but the chair has a flag? So he hates Obama because he's so patriotic? Goddamnit, how'd Texas get art more complicated than Inception? I go to Texas for corn dogs and migrant labor, not for Last Year in Obamaisbad. Bud Johnson, you're no Marcel, and you're no champ.

  43. anniegetyerfun

    Well, I went and made my donation to the Obama campaign. Seemed as good a time as any. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it in honor of Bud Johnson, 11001 Leafwood Lane,
    Austin TX 78750. But I can still make a contribution to the ACLU in his name!

  44. Negropolis

    If lynches were wishes, the president would be white.

    Hot damn! This is one of the best opening lines on Wonkette evah. I think this Jesse is a keeper.

    "…I don’t give a shit. If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street.”

    This is like boilerplate "angry white guy" rhetoric. lol I mean, you can just repackage the phrase and apply it to just about any situation.

  45. Negropolis

    Whatever happened to displaying your trashiness with pink flamingos or delightfully racist lawn jockies?

  46. voodooeconomics

    The country is doing well. It is all normal. Texas? still bigoted. Where is Tennessee in all this.

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