A TIME TO KILL A CHAIR  2:26 pm September 20, 2012

Texas Patriot Lynches Obama Chair

by Jesse Taylor

hangin' with mr. chairIf lynches were wishes, the president would be white.

A nice patriotic fella down in Austin, Texas, has taken to protesting our Kenyan usurper president in the most calm and rational way possible: lynching an empty chair. Via Katherine Haenschen:

I called the homeowner to ask about his display, citing my concerns as a fellow Austinite. He replied, and I quote, “I don’t really give a damn whether it disturbs you or not. You can take [your concerns] and go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don’t give a shit. If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street.”

Ironically, the homeowner in question, Bud Johnson, won “Yard of the Month” in August 2010 from his Homeowners Association. I guess his display was a little different that month?

Correct, lady. It was August 2010, at the head of Teatard Mania, so he hung a man made of teabags with a “watermelon flavor” sign around the neck and, in case you didn’t get it, a small sign underneath that said “The Slow Drip of Liberty” and then next to it, “For Whites.” SUBTLETY.

oh say can you seeThe best part is that now Bud Johnson has added an American flag to his lynching exhibit, as you can see. It really does drive home the point that in America, we reserve the right and the privilege to lynch any figurative thing we goddamn please and to stick any symbol up that figurative thing’s figurative ass until it gets the point that it should die slow, motherfucker.

This is America, though, most specifically Texas. And this man has the absolute freedom of speech to threaten the President’s life until the Secret Service comes knocking and tells him they’d like to have a chat. And he is protecting that right to the fullest.

As of the time of this post’s publication, the chair was still hanging in effigy in Northwest Austin. Neighbors report that the homeowner had a “guard” on his lawn yesterday protecting his installation.

Praise be. And I’m sure he’s also hanging out on Free Republic, yipping like a poodle in heat about how he’s pissed off his libtard neighbors by exercising his god-given constitutional right to be a complete and total shit by completely ruining any chance of rational discourse.

[Burnt Orange Report]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 250 comments }

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Was Clint Eastwood sitting in it?

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Well, it was empty, so yes.

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

That was Mitt.

Pragmatist2 September 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I used to hate these people but George Herbert had it right: "Living well is the best revenge."

joshleefolsom September 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Really? Better than setting his house on fire?

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:07 am

With votes.

no_gravity September 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

And Austin is the liberal part of Texas.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The important part of that sentence is "of Texas."

omrala September 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well, you can find nuts anywhere if you go looking.

Overall, though, here's a nice quick summary of Texas, from the 2008 election results – and you can successfully make some cultural extrapolations as well. The blue dots are Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston – and then there are a few random stray counties, and then there's the border.
http://www.texastribune.org/texas-politics/2010-g

L_Daddy September 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

But Spicewood is the Kooktard part of Austin.

bureaucrap September 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Their slogan is "Keep Austin Weird", but I'm pretty sure they didn't mean THAT kind of weird.

sewollef September 21, 2012 at 8:35 am

True dat. South Congress is one of the cool areas… and I shall be there next month for Austin City Limits. Staying at the Hotel San José.

Of course I've never ventured outside Austin, I ain't stoopid, I'm from Brooklyn.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

You'll note that gunplay was not involved. That's how you can tell.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That's not even the right kind of chair. Stupid whitey.

no_gravity September 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Sadly, the really crappy furniture store in Tampa that sold the RNC the chair is advertising – Hey, we sold the crappy chair, come on down and buy your own keepsake replica of the highlight of the 2012 RNC.

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Act now and you get a free Bob Dole campaign button to complete your Republican loser collection.

mrpuma2u September 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

And it's kinda off white. He shoulda hung hisself a BROWN chair. What a muffler suckin' cousin fuckin' hick.

rocktonsam September 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm

probably took it from his church and didn't return it

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

In response to this tragic furniture massacre, the President has ordered the National Guard to patrol all Ikeas.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

But there is no racisism in the Republican party. FOX News has said so over and over.

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

IQ…dropping…must…reach…nnnggghhhh!!!

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I, for one, wish to renew my liberal credentials by starting a civil rights movement for our "ensconce-enhanced" chair brethren.

Chairs are people too, my friend!

bikerlaureate September 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

NAACC ?

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Katherine Haenschen is the real racist for even mentioning this.

Not_So_Much September 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Pig-fucker Bud Johnson never got enough love from his sister/mom, did he?

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Hmmmmmm. I suppose if there were callgirls in Austin, we could get the Secret Service to investigate?

NellCote71 September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"I suppose if there were callgirls in Austin . . . ." Perry can give them the local talents' numbers.

HistoriCat September 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The Secret Service is not into rentboys.

NellCote71 September 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Actually, rumor has it that the Governor swings both ways and has an ample number of contacts of the call-girl kind. Kind of the Bill Clinton of Texas, but not.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Perhaps we should probe the call-girl shortage in Austin.

docterry6973 September 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Are there males in Austin? Case closed.

hagajim September 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Dipshits will be dipshits.

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I'm surprised the flag didn't spontaneously combust from shame.

Come here a minute September 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Sadly the Texas "stand your ground" law does not include the right to use deadly force in defense of your chair.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That law says "Stand your ground" not "sit your fat ass in a chair ground"!

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

You might be surprised.

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:22 am

Dude, this is Texas. You can quite literally shoot a man in the back on the sidewalk for stealing property from your neighbor.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Where are the five members of the New Black Panther Party when you need them?

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Somewhere in Faux News imagination?

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 6:51 pm

They're up to five now? Miracle!

sbj1964 September 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Welcome to Texas the home of the biggest Assholes in the world.

mrpuma2u September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I thought Austin had a sizable number of sane types?

sbj1964 September 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I'm going to Waco next week.Send help if you don't hear from me.Hell I'll just take a science book it's like Kryptonite to them.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Bring a vial of heavy water and a magnet, too, in case you need to do an exorcism

sbj1964 September 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Would work better than a crucifix they might think I'm one of them.

ThankYouJeebus September 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Ann Richards and Molly Ivins leap to mind. And that adorable Julien Castro.

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Barbara Jordan, also, too.

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Yeah-unlike the rest of Texas, this asshat is in the minority in Travis County. A few miles north in Williamson County, though, he'd feel right at home. Dammit, this @sswipe lives maybe 3 miles away from me. Makes me want to machine-gun him and skullf*ck him-with votes, of course.

DemmeFatale September 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

It must kill him to live in Austin.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Way to embrace Clint's upstaging performance art routine.

Sophist[Kochblocker] September 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I was going to make a joke about this, but I just can't. This is sick.

GunToting[Redacted] September 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

This is actually a brilliant subversive installation art statement. When Eastwood gave his own erudite performance art piece, the chair was what the invisible Obama (the one that only the wingnuts can see) sat in. By elevating the chair, he demonstrates that Obama is standing tall, and Bud must be standing with our President.

I smell a MacArthur Genius award in Mr. Johnson's future!

FlownOver September 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Well, at least until they initiate the MacArthur R*t@rd Awards.

Lascauxcaveman September 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I've got a neighbor who decorates his front-yard tree for all occasions: Middle of February – hearts and flowers, Early July – flags and bunting, Late October – ghosts and bats, Late November – turkeys and pumpkins…

Maybe it's National Chair Week or something, and this poor fellow is just misunderstood.

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:24 am

Somebody get this man an NEA grant, stat!

Barbara_ September 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I saw this and I thought that it was some sort of art display in homage to his wife, who also swings and has her legs up in the air for everyone to see. Guess I will never be an art critic.

Sorry Lurleen, my bad.

mrpuma2u September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I audibly guffawed and chuckled. Well played. 1,459 virtual upfists and a tip of my hat to you.

Barbara_ September 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Thanks, MrPuma2u.

Not_Mother September 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Large odds say that same yard was filled with yellow ribbons for "shock and awe."

SoBeach September 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

My crazy neighbor (granted he's not chair-hanging crazy) has been laying low since I had the code enforcement folks remove the shrine to Jesus and right wing candidates he built in the public right of way and attached to traffic signs. The homeowners association and I are definitely on his shit list.

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Alleyway Jesus is pissed, too.

pepperpat September 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

He probably thinks it's the homo-owners association.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Nobody hates deed covenants between private parties like an internet libertarian.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it's 100% true.

TootsStansbury September 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm

If this dude was my neighbor I'd be tempted to set his house on fire.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Well, maybe just his tree

CindynEncinitas September 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Don't take it out on the tree. Take it to the house!

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I so agree.

joshleefolsom September 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It's better revenge than living well.

Sacanagem September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

With VOTES!

Barrelhse September 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I thought of that before I noticed it's made of stone.
Bunker Buster?

ChurchofRealism September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Maybe he just really, really hates folding chairs and decided to gently string it up by it's puny metal neck because of it's Kenyan birth certificate and Muslim/Communist/Socialist tendencies. That "chair" is to serve notice to other "chairs" to not get all uppity on "his street".

Wadisay September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If he wants another symbol of his point of view, there's still room to hang a douche bag next to that chair.

prommie September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

My commitment to non-violence has been sorely tested lately.

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Amen, brother.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I think it's raging convertible camaro time, seriously. Fucking hell. I need a rocket launcher.

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"A Wonkette commentrix and a cute dog, Nipper, shoot a racist and take off in a '66 Thunderbird."

I wonder if this idea has been made into a movie yet?

prommie September 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Natural Born Liberals. But, umm, the role of the commentrix' companion, that has been cast already.

ThankYouJeebus September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"Don't come down my street (that I built myself.)"

AlterNewt September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Aim lower, America. Aim lower.

elviouslyqueer September 20, 2012 at 2:35 pm

73-year-old racist motherfucker is racist. And a motherfucker.

AlterNewt September 20, 2012 at 6:13 pm

…And old.

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The flag's a nice touch.

docterry6973 September 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Pretty small flag, though. I wonder why he hates America?

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:34 am

The American flag, for the discerning, gentleman racist.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Hey Ann, pay attention. THIS guy is classy!

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

And laying a hoof aside of my muzzle, I whispered this into Ann's ear.

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

He doesn't even have trucknutz on his pickup. TINO. (Teabagger in Name Only)

valgal2342 September 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Hopefully that's because he's about to choke on them.

Tequila Mockingbird September 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Isn't Texas' state flag just a white sheet with two holes in it?

DemmeFatale September 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I wish I could give you1000 upfists for this!

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street

To which the obvious adult response is "Oh, I'm coming down your street, alright, and I'm shooting my guns ahead of me. If you don't like it, don't step in front of me."

LibrarianX September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I thought Austin was the non-Texan part of Texas.

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Yeah, but there are a few Texans here, unfortunately.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I just can't stand this. I can't stand how proud he is of himself with his shrine to some of the worst actions ever taken in this country and his belief that this is what "freedom" means, that he can gleefully express a desire to do what some of the most evil pathetic creatures to ever walk around in this country did to their fellow human beings. How are you SUPPOSED to react to something like this? I keep thinking, hey asshole, bite the curb, (american history x, with votes?) and I know that is the wrong thing, I'm not right either, but I want to slap the smug racist ignorant shit fuck out of him. with votes. or flying chainsaws. no votes, votes, sorry.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I'm gonna make a small donation to his local NPR and also to the Obama campaign using his name and address.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Oh my love for you grows more and more everyday. That is very good, I like it. And I don't have to go to Texas OR jail that way. Thank you.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It would be best if someone could get his email address and submit it, with about a hundred bucks, to the Travis County Democratic Party.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I believe I am due for a donation to the Southern Poverty Law Center any day now.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

That is brilliant.

prommie September 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Let us now turn to the Book Of Public Domain Twain and re-read "The United States of Lyncherdom."

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Yeah, I'm with you. This boils me over, this horrid racist shit. You bring the flying chainsaws and I'll get the transportation and let's do this.

prommie September 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Do you know flyingchainsaw? He is a legend of the old Wonkette, screaming intelligent angry hyperbole of the first order. I find myself invoking him, hoping that just by repeating his name he will appear, like the Great Gazoo.

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Oh yeah, I *think* I recall the name…was it in Olden Tymes, under the old forum/blog/whatever, back during the dark years of Smirky?

I was taking the call to chainsaws literally, which I"m still up for. :-)

Lascauxcaveman September 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Withering sarcasm is better for shitheads like this. "Oh! Aren't you a special patriot? What a clever person you are; you must be so proud."

Even if he's too dumb to understand, anyone else around you will get the gist.

I almost wish I lived next to this guy. My freedom of speech would be a big sign in my yard saying "My neighbor is a racist asshole. Please ignore him."

prommie September 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Louisville slugger is good too. The Bear Jew treatment. Of course, figuratively, with votes.

bikerlaureate September 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I wonder if it would be legal for the next-door neighbor to have dummies or mannequins – one white, with a photo of Mistuh Johnson on its face, and the rest in various (bright?) colors, doing naughty and scandalous things to the Johnson-dummy…?

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

i say we make them all do math.

CommieLibunatic September 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Punches. Justice Punches. I've felt more and more like resorting to those with each demented headline these days.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm

You really need to start drinking more, or you'll have an aneurism before November.

SwanSwanH September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hill Country Ikea to offer the LÖPSNARA noose assembly for hanging their HÄSTVEDA and POÄNG armchairs this fall.

Radiotherapy September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I'm going to hang a horse in the front yard, because both sides do it.

pepperpat September 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

To protest horse dressage?

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

An empty suit would be more to the point.

prommie September 20, 2012 at 2:37 pm

The Assholes on the right, are big but not very bright
Deep in the heart of Texas!

kittensdontlie September 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

He spent alot on the house, and didn't have enough for a proper chair swing.

AncienReggie September 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The Assholes on the right, are big but not very bright
[ clap clap clap clap ]
Deep in the heart of Texas!

/There. Fixed.

LibrarianX September 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

thinks this yard would look better with flaming bags of shit everywhere.

joshleefolsom September 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Three bottle kids and couple bags of chips oughta get the job done (15:00 — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ce-w91dRAHM)

SmutBoffin September 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I expect to see this installed in a fancy mooseeyum any day now. It uses a metal folding chair; this give it a lot of form for a very modest cost in material. The choice of location lends the piece a conspicuousness that pulls a viewer into the mind and worldview of the artist.

And the flag represents a penis.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

It speaks to the innate inhumanity of man and while some of the imagery I didn't understand, I found it quite effective. It seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the humanity of the artist's soul, which contrives through the medium of the branch structure to sublimate whatever it was about.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

At least it wasn't a lawn jockey because that would have been a violation of the homeowner association regulations.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Sure about that?

Neighbors report that the homeowner had a “guard” on his lawn yesterday protecting his installation.

YasserArraFeck September 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

So George Zimmerman got the gig?

barto September 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Are lynchings allowed in his CCRs (probably, it is Tejas after all)? That is quite a magnificent yard, Homeowners Ass., nice pick there!

elviouslyqueer September 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

LET’S GET THE POO OFF OUR STREETS!

I couldn't agree more, Spicewood Estates residents. May I suggest you start with your odious asshole of a neighbor?

ManchuCandidate September 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I blame the Ottomans for this.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

That joke was divan!

Mumbletypeg September 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Hassock it to me!

ifthethunderdontgetya September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

You two are full of feathers.
~

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Well, if you're going to couch it in those terms…

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Sofa he has broken any laws except consciousness….

SayItWithWookies September 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

This wouldn't have happened if we had a president who spoke softly and carried a big Stickley.

reliefsinn September 20, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Today, we are all samsonites.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

He didn't even tie a proper noose.

YasserArraFeck September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

noose-tying requires opposable thumbs

Poindexter718 September 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

At least he used his best chair to represent the president.

CindynEncinitas September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Had to kick his grandma out of it right in the middle of "Wheel."

ifthethunderdontgetya September 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

♪ Swing low, sweet chair idiot…♫
~

Lucidamente1 September 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

You should see what he's done with his vacation home, you know, the one in Niggerhead.

DerrickWildcat September 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

IN YOUR FACE CHAIR!

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Strange fruit.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Indeed.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Hey, his address is listed in the yard of the month linky. I wonder what we should do with that? Have him inundated with junk mail at the least.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I'm not saying that I have a collection of hardcore interracial gay porn sitting around my basement, but I am suggesting that he shouldn't be surprised to find such a collection arriving at his front door in short order.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

No way, he'd probly like that.

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

They attach a poop bag to their neighborhood newsletter so folks can police up the dog shit. Shit like this though, meh, it's all good apparently.

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Lynching was a horrific and commonplace act in Reconstruction-era Texas and continued until the mid-1940's

Oh, it only continued until the 1940s? Do tell…

Most recently, in 1998, James Byrd Jr. — for whom the Texas Hate Crimes Prevention Act is named — was lynched by being dragging behind a vehicle in East Texas.

*facepalm*

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I really, really hate America today.

elviouslyqueer September 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I think what she meant was that lynching was commonplace until the mid-1940s. Which is actually true — the acts dropped off pretty dramatically after national anti-lynching legislation was passed postwar, and definitions of "lynching" also changed. But she's also spot on in calling James Byrd Jr.'s death a lynching (as was Matthew Shepard's).

/done lots of research on lynching

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Are there statistics on lynching vs other forms of racial killing in the south? I read that there were also riots where white mobs would burn down black neighborhoods. If you combine the lynching, the riots, and people who were simply shot down or otherwise killed for being black, I wonder what the final death toll in the south was? I recently read The Warmth of Other Suns which stated that 6 million blacks fled, but didn't say how many were killed. Made it sound like an awful lot, though.

elviouslyqueer September 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The actual lynching numbers are fairly low (the Tuskeegee Institute started keeping records in 1882 and, according to newspaper reports, at least 3,442 lynchings occurred between 1882 and the 1950s). The problem is in the reportage, of course, and in location. The vast majority of the counties where lynchings took place tended to be poor, sparsely inhabited, and rural. That being said, historian James Clarke probably says it best about lynching, "The numbers grossly underestimate the actual bloodshed blacks endured." And you're right about there being riots and mob violence galore (in fact, the title of Stewart Tolnay and E. M. Beck's fanfuckingtastic book on lynching is A Festival of Violence), and many times this violence happened outside the South (Marion, Indiana, had one of the most infamous lynchings in American history, when over 2000 residents yanked three young black men out of the jail and strung them up beside the courthouse). But because blacks comprised a larger portion of the population in the South, the vast majority of lynchings took place there.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm

"Neighbors report that the homeowner had a “guard” on his lawn yesterday protecting his installation."

Let me guess: Snoozing plaster Mexican in serape/sombrero, or lawn jockey.

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Your move, Clint.

MiniMencken September 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Well, bless his heart!

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"This is America, though, most specifically Texas."

Sorry, but those two ideas cannot exist in my brain at the same time.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 5:04 pm

1861-1865 don't count!

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Oh what a surprise, he has a fucking stupidass gaswhore Suburban or some such truck in his garage. Yep, keep sucking on that Middle East War oil teat, ya dumb motherfucker. Gee whiz, why are we at war again? Oh yeah–FREEDUMBZ. Yeah, it has nothing to do with our inability to develop alternative fuels/energy sources and our endless need for oil oil oil from the other side of the globe. And that we have to kill kill kill in order to protect 'our national interests'.

Keep thinking Hopey's the problem and not your stupid obstructionist party of morons, who got us in to this mess in the first place.

Wow, this just brings out every shred of anger I possess.

sbj1964 September 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

No,tell us how you really feel?

johnnyzhivago September 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This is just too subtle for Texas. I call bullshit, it's just some idiot who painted a chair and hung it in a tree to dry.

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Romney dismisses 47% of Americans so he can side with these cunts. Nuff said.

walterhwhite September 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Please don't call them cunts. It's an insult to actual women.

Mittens Howell, III September 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Did I say that? Sorry, I meant to say meanies.

banana_bread September 20, 2012 at 9:16 pm

The saddest part is it's a very good bet that Mr. Old and Likely Retired is in that same 47%.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don’t give a shit."

So, Bud Johnson is the honey badger of Northwest Austin.

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

honey badger has class.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Even in Seattle, my friends… even in Seattle.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Even without the sign you can tell how much of a douche he is by how much taller his house is to the others in the neighborhood.

Also, booty? Lame ass motherfucker is lame.

emmelemm September 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I. KNOW. RIGHT.?

Actually, it seems the reason he hung the sign was because his neighbors were annoyed at how big he built the house, so he felt the need to scream "FREEDUM!" at them.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I really hope this house is not hooked up to Seattle city light, or the sewer system, or Puget Sound Energy. I also hope he can get to and from work without using all of those government roads and fancy bridges, doesn't depend of Seattle fire or police departments, local hospitals or schools or a WA state ferry. And I really hope his house is not built to code and falls down on his fat head during the next earthquake.

FlownOver September 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Only way he could induce a sizable erection.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Sigh. That's not even close to offensive enough for me.

AncienReggie September 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Forget tall. That house is just plain ugly.

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It's even worse in Virginia.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm

So, are we back in the running with Arizona now?

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Yeah. It makes me want to go back to Louisiana. Actually, I am going back for a long weekend at the farm…right now.

Blueb4sinrise September 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

and then Clint Eastwood came by and shot the rope, and the chair hopped on a horse and escaped.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Blondieeeeeee!

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Is it okay to still love TGTBTU? Those 3 movies are among my favorites ever, despite Clint now being an old coot.
(still one of the most moving Civil War scenes ever)

Blueb4sinrise September 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Yes.

Also, what was the one where Clint is lynched and then comes back and kills everybody?

Never mind. Saw below….Hang Em High….duh…….

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I think that one is called High Plains Drifter? No, wait. Hang 'Em High.

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Wah-AH-ah-AH-aaaaah!

Hammiepants September 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Your move, Floridians.

slowhansolo September 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Vile, dipshit swine. He'll, um, fold any day now.

YasserArraFeck September 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm

He won't be happy until he's chaised all the nigras out of the neighborhood…

slowhansolo September 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

It's enough to make your head swivel.

owhatever September 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Homeowner will be offered a job as a Fox News commentator. I hang 'em, you decide.

iburl September 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Soon to run for office.

Weenus299 September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

When Samuel L. Jackson's stool testified about bursting into this guy's house and rattling a magazine full of 7.62mm rounds in and around his La-Z-Boy, it admitted guilt, adding "And I hope it burns in HELLL!"

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

This is great – you can just see how this guy has tightly closed curtains and a getoffmylawn mentality, surrounded as he is by Austinites with their librul talk and librul walk – you can practically feel the smoke coming off his forehead as he stews in his own private hell…yep, let's re-elect Obama and see if his head explodes….

SayItWithWookies September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Well — Texas did secede from two different countries because it wanted slavery.

weejee September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

a “watermelon flavor” sign

Now I'm going to have the tune 'Watermelon Man' on loop play in my head for then next few hours.

/ shakes head to get rid of all those damn seeds

RevNimshi September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

He's doing it wrong. The chair should be used to redistribute his big stupid ass.

Radiotherapy September 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

This is exactly the kind of guy I will think of on election night.

FlownOver September 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm

11001 Leafwood Lane in Austin, eh? Might have to drive by for a look-see. Sounds real interesting.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

go late, with mebbe a few dozen eggs?

littlebigdaddy September 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I'm more of a flaming bag of poo man myself.

FlownOver September 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

[Ahem]… I'm sure you meant to say a few dozen votes, didn't you?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Rotten votes!

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"Nice chair ya got there, Mr Johnson. Be a shame if anything happened to it."

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Let me know when you're going-I might join you.

DemmeFatale September 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I have 3 dogs, and plenty of poo if you need it.

Native_of_SL_UT September 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

What these dipshits fail to recognize is that while they believe Clint stood on stage and created a parody of Obama, the rest of the world saw Clint as a parody of the GOP.
This guy furthers that parody along to new heights.

littlebigdaddy September 20, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Yeah, a total Andy Kaufman vibe going there.

littlebigdaddy September 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I'll bet THIS MERCAN thought that joke about Michelle Obama in National Geographic was pretty darn funny, yessirree!

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I'm confused. As one of the 47%, aren't I supposed to be lazily sitting around in that chair waiting dependently on the Government to bring me food, and housing, and, oh, I don't know, whatever………………………..

Maman September 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Was that display approved by the Architectural Control Committe of the Spicewood Estates Homeowners Association?

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Peckerwood. Nobody lives in Spicewood anymore, too crowded…

Barrelhse September 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

They designed it.

YasserArraFeck September 20, 2012 at 3:05 pm

what the article fails to mention is that Mr. Johnson won the "Yard of the Year" for his extensive collection of blackface lawn-jockeys (or, as he calls them "Yard-N****rs")

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 3:12 pm

In my youth, there was a radiator shop over on the NE side of San Antonio that the guy had a landscape wall with about 15 or 20 of those lined up right next to each other for about 40 feet. It was pretty surreal. It's long gone now, maybe the guy retired and moved to Austin.

Preacher_Griz September 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Round up all the moochers and pack them into boxcars!!!

BOYCOTT!!!!!

JustPixelz September 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I'm sure Clint Eastwood is proud of this "Hang 'em High" sequel.

He should be careful. Presumably that chair has nuclear weapons.

He should hang an ottoman and tell the internets it's Mohammed.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

This guy's gonna be so pissed off that he's going to have to hang his dining room table from the tree, come November 7.

Barrelhse September 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

His dining room table can't wait to get out of the house and find some INTELLIGENT conversation.

rickmaci September 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

OMG will this guy really lose it when the RepubliKKKans nominate that Mezican Marco Rubio for VP in the next presidential election (I know, I know, Rubio is Cuban but this guy won't care because all those browns speak that Mezican to each other.)

randcoolcatdaddy September 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm

With freedom of speech comes the incredible power to announce to the world, "I am a racist, bitter, uneducated ass." And a guarantee that your house is getting pelted with rotten eggs on Halloween.

Blueb4sinrise September 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I'm thinkin Roundup.

Estproph September 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I read this article this morning, and then went to the Obama campaign page to suggest that they start selling lawn chairs with Obama logos for yard signs. I'm going to make one myself.

ahnc September 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Homeowner associations in Texas should have IQ requirements.

Blunderthing September 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"Hey man, you're totally harshing my lynch buzz."

Troglodeity September 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Poor Ms. Haenschen. She actually has to state in her follow-up article that Texas isn't all bad: "We're not all crazy bigots."

There's a state tourism slogan for you.

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 3:24 pm

News to me!

HELisforHEL September 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

That would look perfect on a license plate.
South Carolina could claim: 'We're not all delusional Jesus freaks'
Florida: 'We're not all complete and utter morons'
Arizona: 'We're not all meanspirited douchebags'

AutomaticPilot September 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Texas: We Suck Less Than A Couple Other States

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Ethan Allen is that chair's best hope for the future…

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm

i do not know how this man expects to get in the wonkette hall of infamy without misspelling anything.

amateur.

rickmaci September 20, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Dear Mr. Johnson, I sincerely hope that on the morning of Wednesday November 7, when President Obama will have secured his re-election, you will have the decency and good grace to replace the chair with your head.

Fuck you muchly,

RM.

Beowoof September 20, 2012 at 3:39 pm

There are times when my I revert to my less than stellar adolescent years and feel the need to go and pay Bud a visit. As a former football and hockey player I do believe giving Bud a beating (with a bag of votes) would enlighten him, or at least make me feel better.

ChrisM2011 September 20, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Technically, sir, it's not entirely YOUR street. It's one of those "socialist/redistribution" streets everyone can use which means it's probably best if you start making your way through the bushes just to avoid touching that commie pavement.

VespulaMaculata September 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Ante up, Florida

Self-Uploader September 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Maybe if elected Romney will renew NEA funding.

Seriously, the wonkette is just joshing about the 2010 yard display, right? You must be, because the black helicopters and Eric Holder would have assassinated him, right?

MistaEko September 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

So he gave invisible Obama a swing?

Neoyorquino September 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Clearly a Dale Carnegie graduate.

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I have a tree trimmer that can take care of that poor chair.

oenspiek September 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Effigy. I do not believe that word means what Bud Johnson thinks it means.

Chet Kincaid_ September 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I encourage ALL Republicans to hang a chair in their front yards as a sign of solidarity with the Romney/Ryan campaign! This is exactly the groundswell of support from the base that will put Romney back on the right track!

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:51 am

Better yet, just hold the chairs. Minimalist protests are always better. The easier to spot you guys with.

rocktonsam September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

every time we see the crap in Texas I curl up in my rocking chair and chant Molly and Willie are from Texas and that seems to help some

ffredpalakon September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

So the chair is supposed to represent Obama…but the chair has a flag? So he hates Obama because he's so patriotic? Goddamnit, how'd Texas get art more complicated than Inception? I go to Texas for corn dogs and migrant labor, not for Last Year in Obamaisbad. Bud Johnson, you're no Marcel, and you're no champ.

glamourdammerung September 20, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Again, nothing a drone strike would not fix.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Well, I went and made my donation to the Obama campaign. Seemed as good a time as any. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it in honor of Bud Johnson, 11001 Leafwood Lane,
Austin TX 78750. But I can still make a contribution to the ACLU in his name!

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 6:29 pm

As long as republicans don't get more insane. We'll be fine as a country.

Grokenstein September 20, 2012 at 6:46 pm

http://wonkette.com/483123/national-empty-chair-d

"Honestly surprised there wasn't a (selected) entry featuring an empty chair dangling from a noose or standing in front of a firing squad of Don't Re-Nig 2012 signs."

Seems I spoke too soon.
But hey, keep showing the rest of us the true face of the TEA Party, redneck douchebag.

ttommyunger September 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Typical Rightard; always confusing where the head goes and where the ass goes.

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 12:41 am

If lynches were wishes, the president would be white.

Hot damn! This is one of the best opening lines on Wonkette evah. I think this Jesse is a keeper.

"…I don’t give a shit. If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street.”

This is like boilerplate "angry white guy" rhetoric. lol I mean, you can just repackage the phrase and apply it to just about any situation.

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:43 am

Whatever happened to displaying your trashiness with pink flamingos or delightfully racist lawn jockies?

Negropolis September 21, 2012 at 1:52 am

I'd so pay some neighborhood kids to egg and TP this house. It's begging for petty vandalism.

clecinosu September 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Empty chair. Empty head. They're like peas in a pod.

voodooeconomics September 22, 2012 at 9:02 am

The country is doing well. It is all normal. Texas? still bigoted. Where is Tennessee in all this.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Split the difference. Get an Iron Cross. Then you can pass yourself off as either clergy or a skinhead.

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