this bird you can change it turns out

Lynyrd Skynyrd Latest Victims Of Obama’s Thought Police

I strangle you from beyond the graveIf there is one musical group that we know defends Real American Values, it’s Lynyrd Skynyrd. They bravely stood up for segregation and other forms of awesomeness, and while Jimmy Carter’s CIA managed to kill most of the original members in an “accidental” plane crash, a new version of the band was formed during the Reagan administration to spread the message everywhere that the South will rise again and such, often performing in front of a giant Confederate flag. But now even that is being taken away from us, because Obamabot mind-control operatives have brainwashed Lynyrd Skynyrd into a bunch of liberals who don’t want segregation and slavery restored, not even a little.

Apparently this act of turncoatery took place on the liberal CNN propaganda network, but we’ll quote from Examiner.com because they’re so magnificently outraged about it:

Now the band has suddenly decided to become politically correct. Gary Rossington, the only original member, grovelled to CNN’s Fredricka Whitfield. He says he doesn’t want to offend anyone by using the Confederate flag. He said the band will no longer display the flag.

Twitter and Facebook have exploded with condemnation. Many are now calling the band a “fake,” who just own the rights to the original band’s name.

Worse is yet to come. Inside sources reveal that the lyrics to the band’s classic “Sweet Home Alabama” will see the following alterations, to better accomodate our Obaman overlords’ demands:

  • “Well, I hope Neil Young will remember:
    A Southern man is keenly interested in what he has to say and is open to his opinions.”
  • “In Birmingham they love the governor, because his repudiation of segregation and appointments of numerous African-Americans to state positions in his final term helped move America forward.”
  • “Watergate does not bother me, because Richard Nixon resigned in the face of certain impeachment, proving that the system works.”

There is as yet no word on whether the newly liberalified band will attempt to promote gun control as part of its leftist crusade. [Examiner.com]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Gimme three steps towards the door, so I can recycle this copy of The Nation.

    • frisbeedawg

      ‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
      thanks to environmental regulations
      that protected my fragile habitat.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      They call me the breeze, because I'm all about sustainable wind power.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        That smell is my vegan dinner. Can't you smell it?

        • wiccanpedia

          Sweet Home Alabama with the photovoltaic cells up on the roof…

          • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

            Don't Ask Me No Questions, Maddow's coming on the tube…

          • MistaEko

            What's your name, little girl? This planned parenthood form needs it.

          • bibliotequetress

            Win!

          • wiccanpedia

            Hand guns are made for killin'
            They ain't no good for nothin' else
            And if you like to drink your whiskey
            You might even shoot yourself
            So why don't we dump 'em people
            To the bottom of the sea
            Before some ol' fool come around here
            Wanna shoot either you or me

            (I don't even need to change this one- it's already about gun control…)

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Freebird!

    No, really! Take that eagle out of its cage, you fascist bird-imprisoner, you!

    • prommie

      You know I pioneered the ironic shouting of "freebird" at bands in clubs in the late 1970s and early 1980s. That was me, what done it first.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I still holler that out at shows. Even at Indigo Girls shows. Also, "Whippin' Post!!!"

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I did that at a PiL concert.

          You know, for irony.

          That's right, I was the first hipster.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            You were at a PiL show? Now might be a good time to get a Hep-C screening. Seriously.

          • bibliotequetress

            Hey, I was at a PiL show too and that was NOT the disease I got!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            The hell is PiL? Partners in Love? Players in Louisiana? Popping in Locking? Phoetuses in Limbo?

          • wiccanpedia

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylOCIP54PIQ

            This was just before they played "Freebird" as an encore…

          • Respitetini

            Oh, if the downfists were still around, this post might be in trouble…

          • bibliotequetress

            Oh, sweetie, it's Public Image Limited. Johnny Rotten's source of income after the Sex Pistols and before professional curmudgeonhood.
            Um, you young or old?

      • tessiee

        Back in the day when I still had a job at a college, I was taking a walk around the campus on my break. Somebody, somewhere, was strumming a guitar outdoors. Not really thinking they'd hear me, I yelled out, "FREE BIRD!"

        There was a startled pause, and then the guitar player, whoever he was and wherever he was, picked out the first few chords of Free Bird.

        It was one of the more awesome moments ever.

        • prommie

          Thats very cool indeed.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Whenever anyone breaks out a guitar these days, I ask them if they can play "Eruption" by Edward Van Halen.

  • joobajooba

    Gimme back my bullets, so I can safely dispose of them.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    What's your name, little girl? What's your name? Because I need to call you a cab and make sure you get home to your momma safely

  • no_gravity

    Many are now calling the band a “fake,” who just own the rights to the original band’s name.

    Isn't what this what they've basically been since 1987?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They're one better than Marshall Tucker, who have officially zero of the original band left (unless you count Doug Gray who was a friend before they hit it big but wasn't an original MTB member)

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        See also: Foreigner.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Wait, Foreigner was a real band?

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Good point.

          • tessiee

            They have earned their place in the pantheon of awesome for Apu dancing to "Hot Blooded".

    • hagajim

      Bingo!

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      They could change their name to Lynyrd SKINO.

  • ChernobylSoup

    What will "Classic Rock" stations play the other 23 hours of the day if there's a boycott?

    • commiegirl99

      I'm gonna go with Zeppelin.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'd really rather you didn't, thanks, I've had my fill for a few lifetimes.

        • HELisforHEL

          Seriously. Is there really anyone out there going "Oh HELL YEAH, BLACK DOG AGAIN!!!" ?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            It's like, why do AOR stations even bother with "The Countdown" anymore, when you know they're in the tank for Stairway?

            I can think of 8 or 9 songs this decade (and it's only the second year) alone that are lightyears better than Stairway. The problem with Zep is, everyone did really good drugs and they benefitted from that.

      • SorosBot

        Is Freebird or Stairway the most overplayed song on our nation's airwaves?

        • UnholyMoses

          Yes.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Does Yes get that much airtime? Well Roundabout does get overdone some.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Dah dada dat dah, dah, DAH!! (Dit dit dit…)

          • UnholyMoses

            Any airtime for Yes is too damn much, IM(ns)HO.

          • doloras

            SCREW YOU YOU UNPROGRESSIVE KNOWLESSMAN

            (rocks out to "Gates of Delirium")

        • DCBloom

          There was a band I used to see a lot. There was always some idiot who would yell "Freebird" (ironically of course)… anyway, whenever they heard it, they would turn their backs and then swing back around middle fingers held high and yell "there's your Freebird"

        • Not_So_Much

          As far as the local cover bands are concerned, there are only two songs: 'Freebird' and 'Not Freebird'.

        • OkieDokieDog

          Oh gawd. I fucking hate both those songs. Hated them the 1st time I heard them, still hate them 400 years later ( haha! it just seem like that long).

          A Led Zep fan & always thought LS sucked sweaty balls.

          • UW8316154

            A Led Zep fan & always thought LS sucked "Schweddy" balls.

            /FTFY

        • tessiee

          "Is Freebird or Stairway the most overplayed song on our nation's airwaves?"

          They're both "bathroom break" songs.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            When I DJ'd "In A Gadda" was my "Let me show you my ecthings" song

          • CindynEncinitas

            I soooo fell for that when I was young. Was that you? Black Trans Am (T-top), Bolivian tap-dancing powder, cork paneling in your bedroom, fur bedspread, pina coladas?

        • tessiee

          Sometime during the 1980s, I coined the phrase "Stairway to Heaven syndrome", meaning a perfectly cromulent song that you liked OK the first thousand times you heard it, but which has been ruined beyond redemption by overplaying.

          • CindynEncinitas

            Because the thousandth time you heard it you were stuck at a party with no ride home. You were drunk and all your friends were gone. Sobering up to figure out what to do was fucking excruciating.

        • tessiee

          "Is Freebird or Stairway the most overplayed song on our nation's airwaves?"

          In terms of actual airtime, yes — but that's only because each song is about six hours long.
          In terms of number of repititions, that would be any song by the fucking Eagles.

          • Swampgas_Man

            Don Henly Must Die!

        • Stevola

          They had to write a song called "Freebird" because rednecks were already yelling it at concerts

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Which will I prefer? The 7,987th playing of Freebird, or the 8,458th airing of Stairway?

        • GeorgiaBurning

          The neverending argument between my LA stoner roomates from back in the them times. Working nights, I never found out who won.

          • pepperpat

            They could still be arguing about it, as far as you know.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Replace 'Myrrhican rockers with Britz??? Needs to be real American rockers, like Connecticut's Keef Richards and his merry band of tricksters.

        • HELisforHEL

          "Connecticut's Keef Richards " makes me giggle.
          We may live in the same state, but it's like we live on two different worlds.

      • OneDollarJuana

        "Stairway to Heaven", to be specific.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      CAN!

    • CrunchyKnee

      Well played.

    • themcwow

      .38 Special

    • SorosBot

      The can still have their three hours in a row of nothing but The Beatles.

      • OneDollarJuana

        At least 2.5 of those hours are the last choruses of "Hey Jude".

    • LibertyLover

      Journey?

      (Ahahahaha — Journey, Classic Rock…..)

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        Oh, God. Journey, SF's "local" band. Ugh!!
        (At least New Jersey overplays Bruce.)

        • horsedreamer_1

          Wither the Dead?

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Or The Airplane?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Um, Hotel California, obvs.

      • emmelemm

        Ding. Winner.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Dixie Chicks?

    • PsycWench

      The Doors! Especially that song about 69ing a chick.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Peace Frog????

    • UW8316154

      "Classic Vinyl" …..Boston or the Eagles…

    • Steverino247

      Pink Floyd
      The Who

      And how about Frank Zappa, you Warner Brothers-loving motherfuckers?

      • CindynEncinitas

        I'm gonna buy me a horse, just about this big, and ride it all along the borderline…

    • Boojum

      Static? Can we hope?

  • PinkoPopulist

    Ronnie Van Zant is rolling over in his grave.

    • rickmaci

      And Neil Young lives!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    To be fair, most men would grovel before the fineness of Fredricka Whitfield.

    • rickmaci

      Grovel grovel grovel grovel.

  • PsycWench

    I'm a free bird, insomuch as any creature is free under the crushing control of the Obama mind police.

    • Sophist[Kochblocker]

      Freebird is Slavery.

      • Steverino247

        Ironman is Strength
        War is Low Rider

      • Negropolis

        This deserves so much more p-ness.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    C'mon man, Forcing Black People with the constant threat of disfigurement or death to do all of their work for them because they were too lazy to do it themselves is their Proud Heritage.

    • Oblios_Cap

      "states rights"

      The rights of the states to let some people own other people.

      • tessiee

        But not fetussii.

  • JustPixelz

    Many are now calling the band a “fake,” who just own the rights to the original band’s name.

    Kinda the same situation the Republican Party is in after the Tea Party took over.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Win of the day.

  • LibertyLover

    Give me three steps to take away your guns. You're only clinging to them and your religion anyway….I'll trade you for this slightly used copy of Mother Jones…

  • larrykat

    Mitt: "I know a little…" and that's it.

  • ChernobylSoup

    In related news, Styx now in the tank for big robot.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And personally bought the Paradise Theater so they could tear it down and replace it with condos.

    • hagajim

      Domo Arregato

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Mom libel.

    • eggsacklywright

      I wonder what Ratt or Poison have to say about this? Big hair bands must represent.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Just talked to a guy that recently saw them in concert.
      He thought their dyed black hair and black leather skinny jeans were pretty pathetic.

      I just saw Blondie, (67!), rockin' a gold lame trench coat, and was hoping to hear Devo's new song, a tribute to Romney's dog Seamus, called "Don't Roof Rack Me, Bro, " but they didn't do it.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Kilroy is that you?

  • ph7

    Ooh, that smell
    Can't you smell that smell?
    Ooh, that smell
    The smell of redistribution surrounds you, yeah

    • ElPinche

      A win is where I spit-take coffee at a very very very important meeting.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Hell yeah!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Curtis Lowe was the finest picker to ever play the blues.

    • grayforester

      Really?

    • tessiee

      I had a date with a musician who theorized that "picker" was a euphemism in that song. Is your underlining because you also hold that opinion?

      • prommie

        Its a stretch not to read that as "guitar picker." "Picking" is a name for a particular style. Crazyness, here. I never heard anyone call a black person a "picker" anyway.

        • tessiee

          This gentleman offered the theory that "picker" in the context of the song, was a euphemism for "cotton picker" and/or a soundalike for "n****r".

          I don't know about that, but it was a cool date, anyway, since I taught him the song "In the Pines" by singing it a cappella until he learned it on the guitar. So he was a pretty good picker, too.

          • Yellerdawg

            I think in the song it was guitar picking. I grew up with the term "cotton picker" used as a term for anyone who was low class, but then my mom, who used the term liberally, picked cotton as a kid to survive.

          • prommie

            My mom also picked cotton.

          • Advn2rgirl

            Like Johnny Cash, I Never Picked Cotton.

  • Katydid

    Twitter and Facebook have exploded with condemnation.

    Jesus Christ, these people turn on someone faster than a New York minute. And we're the ones who are politically correct? They're the thought police…don't dare deviate from the agenda, or, damn, they'll bury you.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Arabesque, isn't it?

      • Negropolis

        Too Musliny for them.

    • Oblios_Cap

      They are all such "right thinkers".

    • freakishlywrong

      I'm beginning to think social media is a bludgeon in some hands.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Hi Katydid. Let's face it, the Teapartiers polly want a cracker. Chirp, arrkk, arrkk.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Well crap. What shitheel band am I going to not give a fuck about now?

    • SenileAgitation

      .38 Special. Assuming you stopped caring about Foghat some time ago.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      BTO?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      The Derek Trucks Band.

    • elviouslyqueer
    • chicken_thief

      Marshall Tucker Band?

    • jqheywood

      Foreigner…duh!

      • OneDollarJuana

        Wait. Foreigner was a real band?

        • jqheywood

          Who could forget the immortal "Head Games" or "Dirty White Boy"? I mean, I know I want to forget them, but they are still there, roaming around my brain. And they say pot doesn't cause any mental damage….

    • HistoriCat

      The worst Southern bar band ever – the Georgia Satellites?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Tedeschi Trucks?

    • Yellerdawg

      Golden Earring!

  • Oblios_Cap

    They'll start performing Neil Young's "Alabama" at concerts. One wheel in the ditch!

    • Wadisay

      They've got a killer version of "Strange Fruit."

    • NorthStarSpanx

      And only serve Dos Equis XX. The crowd will stay thirsty my friend.

    • bobbert

      I want to hear them play it all night long.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Gary Rossington, the only original member, grovelled to CNN’s Fredricka Whitfield

    So Fredericka moonlights as a dominatrix. Must be better than doing interviews with over the hill musicians on the CNN set.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      the marshmallow roasting gig was already taken…

    • pdiddycornchips

      The band's drummer, Artimus Pyle, survived the plane crash, stumbled out of the swamp to a nearby farm house to get help and was promptly shot in the shoulder by the farmers son. He was also convicted of sexually abusing his two daughters and is a registered sex offender. He's a true son of the south.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Oooo that the smell …. the smell of fresh arguala surrounds yoooou…..

    • grayforester

      If you misspell "arugula" into a search engine it will link you to correct spellings.

      • randcoolcatdaddy

        It's the South. We don't spell.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    It sounds like Lynyrd Skynyrd finally sobered up.

    • PinkoPopulist

      Too soon.

  • SwanSwanH

    Hat-tip to Patterson Hood on "Southern Rock Opera" in 2001!

  • hagajim

    I may be a "Simple Man", but how can good southern boys go all politically correct? It's like there's a war on Christmas or something.

    • PinkoPopulist

      The 2nd War of Northern Aggression.

  • MosesInvests

    I've said this before. The original Skynyrd was not a bunch of racist yahoos. They combined country and blues to make Southern Boogie, and songs like "The Ballad of Curtis Lowe" and "Mr. Saturday Night Special" are not beloved of the KKK/Tea Party. The Rebel Flag thing was more like "yeah, we're white Southerners and we're proud, but we're not a bunch of @ssholes". Back then, in the early '70's, you could say that displaying the Battle Flag was about "heritage, not hate." Good for Rossington for recognizing that that's no longer the case, and for doing something about it, even if some of their fans get butthurt.

    • DCBloom

      Best thing to come out of Skynyrd was Rossington Collins band….Don't Misunderstand Me. Loved that shit back in the day

      • tessiee

        "Don't Misunderstand Me"

        Wonderful, underrrated song.

    • ph7

      Not to mention they were discovered and promoted by Al Kooper, a Jew from Brooklyn.

      • James Michael Curley

        Point of discussion for all you Al Kooper fans? An eighth-note behind or an eight-note ahead of the entire rock world?

    • Terry

      This. Couldn't have said it better.

      I have to say that I enjoy the fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd's response to Neil Young is way more popular than Young's song. You hear the lyrics and wonder what the heck Young said to piss them off like that.

      • MacRaith

        When I was growing up in Charlotte, NC, the local classic rock station seemed to have an unwritten rule: They could play Neil Young's "Southern Man" as long as they immediately followed it with "Sweet Home Alabama". A classic-rock version of "Teach the Controversy", I suppose…

        • tessiee

          One of my favorite MST3K movies is set in Florida, and thus, rags the hell out of "Southern Man".

          My favorite part is when the monster attacks the good guys, and Mike sings,
          "Southern man, gonna eat your head…"

      • MosesInvests

        Young said that all Southern men are whip-cracking @ssholes. Those of us who aren't get kinda resentful about that.

        • ph7

          You were the wheel on the road, I guess.

      • OneDollarJuana

        The overreaction to a perceived threat or criticism indicates a fundamental insecurity in their beliefs. Same same for the reactions of radical Islam or Christianity to even the mildest suggestion that they might not have the only truth.

    • prommie

      I said it too they were never assholes and always downright liberal. Proud of where they were from though, and thats the thing these kids here are mistaking for being, hell I don't even know. Telling a canadian dude who slagged on a whole region and stereotyped every southern man as a fucking racist slaveowner to fuck off does not make you a racist.

    • chicken_thief

      I still hate Freebird.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Bullshit about the flag, though, the '70s we were even closer to the raw wound of Jim Crow and the battle over Civil Rights, so it was even more about fuck the coloreds.

      • MosesInvests

        For *young* Southerners, it really wasn't about fuck the coloreds-it was more about "we're not going to be ashamed of being Southern". At least back then. And as Fakakta pointed out, the band never displayed the flag back in the day-you'd just see them flying in the audience at outdoor concerts.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Also Neil Young was not offended by the song, and was friends with the band according to what I heard. The lines about Watergate from Sweet Home Alabama still shocks the conscience though.

    • tessiee

      "Back then, in the early '70's, you could say that displaying the Battle Flag was about "heritage, not hate.""

      I lived in North Carolina for years, and I heard that a lot.
      Sorry if this is obtuse of me, but I never got how displaying the stars'n'bars did not indicate support of the Confederacy, and therefore armed rebellion and slavery.

    • horsedreamer_1

      This reeks of grading on a curve, & in the spirit of Tesco Vee, I kindly ask you to take your Molly Hatchett tee-shirt wearing self back to your sister's bedroom.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "So don't ask me no questions
    Because I'm just gonna tell you that we need to raise taxes and produce a more equitable social structure that will involve the funding of infrastructure projects to get the middle class working again."

  • freakishlywrong

    So will we be boycotting chewing tobacco or country ham with this newest outrage?

    • UnholyMoses

      Maybe the pickled pigs feet … ?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Skoal Rebel's head may explode either way.

    • Terry

      Jack Daniels.

      • chicken_thief

        They'll have to pry my JD from my cold, drunken hands.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Paula Deen.

      Oh, wait.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Moon pies and Co-Cola.

      • freakishlywrong

        Mom?

      • chicken_thief

        Cheerwine libelz!!!!

        • jqheywood

          Gawd, that stuff is disgusting! Like cough medicine without the ameliorating codeine….

        • tessiee

          They still make that shit?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Coca Cola cake. You use Coke instead of water. No shit.

    • tessiee

      Not gonna be boycotting country ham any time soon, no sirree bob.

  • ChernobylSoup

    At last, black folks can dance to Skynyrd music without feeling guilty.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, they'll still feel guilty. Just not that it's now with 20% less racism.

  • tihond

    Kid Rock plans on taking Skynyrd's old flag, rapping over it, and then release it as a hit single.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      That would make his finest work to date.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I read that as "fapping over it." No material diff.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Who says water boarding is not effective?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Your move, .38 Special.

    • MinAgain

      I'm embarassed to say I really loved .38 special in high school.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Hey, me too. Molly Hatchet, Blackfoot, Allmans too, and many more. Fuck, I went to high school in Texas, it couldn't be helped.

  • Serolf_Divad

    FWIW, the "real" Lynyrd Skynyrd actually recorded one of the few pro-gun control ballads of which I am aware: "Mr. Saturday Night Special."

    • UW8316154

      Plus the anti-drug messages in "That Smell" and "The Needle and the Spoon".

      Confession: When I was 14, an obsessively listening to Skynrd, I thought the song was "The Needle and the Spool", and vaguely wondered why they were singing about sewing – although I didn't question it that much. It wasn't until college that I figured it out.

    • prommie

      Gimme Three Steps is also a flat rejection of the southern macho bar-fighting, honor-fighting culture, which is a real thing.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Oooooh, that smell! No, wait. That's Hank Williams Jr.!

    • jqheywood

      FTW!

  • UnholyMoses

    Play me a song, Curtis Blow, Curtis Blow, to show the world that we knew a black guy and didn't want to lynch him or anything.

    • MosesInvests

      Actually, that song's about recognizing the worth of everyone, even an old alcoholic who was written off as just some Nigra bum.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Curtis Lowe = 47%er!!

    • UW8316154

      Loved "Curtis Blow"…and "Simple Man" , too.

      • UnholyMoses

        I actually fucked up the dude's name, as it's "Curtis Lowe."

        NEED MOAR COFFEE

        (Strange, since it's the only LS song I actually like … )

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Lynyrd Skynyrd and Tom Tom Club, they're easily confused.

  • Freewayblogger

    Tuesday's Gone with the Arctic Ice Caps…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    In other, related news: Ronnie Van Zant still dead. Duane Allman too.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      One of them is missed.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Duane is exactly what I think of and mourn when I wonder about how all of this "redneck racist rock" came to be the legacy. He was just a hick from Macon with a talent that almost makes me believe in God, and he never had a problem with ANY black guy he played with that I am aware. I just wonder how it all got so nasty and wrong with RVZ, and how that became the standard. Skynyrd, shit, "they" weren't really FOR anything, but beer drinking, jamming and screwing around, but they get a little bit of attention and people start acting like they were a bunch of racists with chops and now I gotta suck it because they play Sweet Home at all the football games. I'd rather hear Whipping Post.

      • tessiee

        That's Duane Allman's guitar playing on the intro to "Respect":
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0

        Excuse me, I have to go dance now.
        *dances*

      • bobbert

        I'd rather hear Elizabeth Reed. (Whipping Post would be okay, though).

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Maybe Breitbart could interview the other band members and see how they feel about this.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    So I guess this bird you can totally change?

  • SenileAgitation

    I hope Ted Nugent will weigh in on this. Unless he's too busy having a patriot picnic with Dave Mustaine.

    • Peckerwood_Pete

      Don't forget Stank Williams, Jr.

    • chicken_thief

      I doubt there is any shortage of fresh game to grill at one of their outings.

    • tessiee

      "having a patriot picnic "

      Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "He says he doesn’t want to offend anyone by using the Confederate flag."

    I'm sure all the black people in the country will start listening to Skynyrd now.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Well I dig you georgia peaches
    Makes me feel right at home
    Well now I dig you georgia peaches
    Makes me feel right at home
    It's too bad you scared all the Mexicans out of the state now and farmers aren't going to pay $7.25 an hour for white people to pick them, so I guess they're gonna rot on the tree.

    • schvitzatura

      And the same goes for them 'maters on the vine, too!

  • hagajim

    I figure Molly Hatchet is next on the list.

    • prommie

      Gator Country Libel! There's a gator in the bushes, he's calling my name! Back the fuck off Molly Hatchet!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Well, you dropped your groceries in the kitchen sink
        Went to work and made the bathroom stink
        Come on, come on
        Every other day, I got a gator on my lawn

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        That would be flirtin' with disaster!

  • freakishlywrong

    We need a bigger word than "unhinged";
    The comments over there are, well, fucking unhinged.

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      Delaminated?

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Ceasing use of the Confederate Flag doesn't make Lynyrd Skynyrd fake….. having 1 original member on the otherhand… that's another story..

    BTW- I've seen Skynyrd twice in concert, and never once did I see a black person there… so Im wondering who they are thinking they're going to offend!

    • grayforester

      Black people aren't the only people offended by a defiant display of the stars and bars.

      • Peckerwood_Pete

        Eh, I don't particularly care for the Confederate flag either… but it takes a hell of a lot to offend me. And in this world, the Confederate Flag flying at a concert of washed up 70s band where most of the original members are dead… pretty low on my list.

  • YouBetcha

    What's that sound? Is it a song? Freebird? No, that's the sound of the world's tiniest violin playing a sad, sad song for your plight, you overpaid, undertalented "Southern rock" hack. No one gives a shit that you can't be openly racist anymore, aside from other racists. Grow a pair, go home, and count your money.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I heard Arthur Bremer converted, too.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    BOYKOTT KFCs!!1!!!1

    • grayforester

      Eat home swill Obama. Insert skittery piano lick.

  • Terry

    I have a vague memory of dancing on a stage at a bar (and I use that term loosely) outside of Mobile, drinking Jack Daniels from a bottle, while a local band played their version of Sweet Home Alabama. I think drinking Jack from the bottle is what caused the memory to be vague. Awesome evening, though, from what I can remember.

    • freakishlywrong

      Jack tastes better from the bottle..especially when listening to southern blues rock.

      • Terry

        It also tastes good mixed into some homemade lemonade. But that combination will mess you up.

  • Guppy

    Watergate does not bother me because the EPA still stands.

    • Terry

      Watergate does not bother me because several of the perpetrators were brought to trial and served time and Nixon was forced from office.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Yes, unlike the criminals who perpetrated a bullshit war upon us in more recent times.

        • Steverino247

          Don't get me started…

    • grayforester

      When the President does it that means it is NOT illegal.

  • pinkocommi

    But they'll still have mullets, so there's that.

    • eggsacklywright

      Joe Dirt lives~

  • Guppy

    own the rights to the original band’s name

    We call that "job creating" around these parts.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Didn't this band die or something?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Didn't stay dead, apparently.

      • bobbert

        They were only mostly dead.

  • prommie

    They were always liberal you callow fuck, just because you just noticed doesn't mean they changed.

  • Baconzgood

    They still suck.

    • Terry

      Come on, at the mere sound of the opening of Sweet Home Alabama, I'm overcome by the desire to dance and sing loudly and off key.

      • bobbert

        Three Steps, for me. Makes me wish my little finger still worked.

    • UW8316154

      Killjoy.

      FreeBird sucks. The deep tracks ROCKED!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wow, that is an incredibly well-written article.

  • JustPixelz

    Twitter and Facebook have exploded with condemnation.

    Imagine how angry they'd be if, say, Skynyrd also mocked Mohammed!

    Romney issued a statement blaming Obama for "sympathizing with … um … Lynyrd who?"

    Sheriff Arpiao should investigate this too!

    • OneDollarJuana

      MySpace is still trying to figure out what happened.

  • Estproph

    NASCAR won't be the same when all the people are playing Haydn's Triple Concerto on their stereos in the parking lot.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That flag is part of their culture, along with racism and slavery. Who am I to judge?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They'll be releasing a new album that will consist of all their popular favorites re-recorded in the rap/hip-hop style. Kurtis Blow will produce.

  • prommie

    Lynyrd Skynyrd were southern HIPPIES you northern fucking bigots, and maybe you had to be in the south in the 70s and be a long-haired country boy to understand what that is. They were stoner mellow peace and love types with a southern twang some people think always means racism, trust me, they weren't never.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That's pretty much the way I remember it going down. I mean, nowadays Gainesville FL's own Tom Petty/Heartbreakers has a blah drummer. And he's a furriner to boot. Booker T and the MGs, anybody?

      • prommie

        Gainesville's own Prommie resents the implication that there's any reason to be surprised at the race of Tom Petty's drummer.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Well, it didn't surprise me, I lurvs me some TP, but I imagine our outraged Examiner.com commenter up top might take exception.

          • tessiee

            "I lurvs me some TP"

            Are you Cornholio?

        • HistoriCat

          As my buddy said when we went to see TP in 1991 – looking around at the sea of white faces and Confederate flag accessories – "not many of the brothers here tonight."

    • FakaktaSouth

      haha I just said almost the same thing.

      • prommie

        It was them southern hippies that took in this yankee transplant and maybe you had to be there to see that that band was aware and yes liberal, concerned with people, listen to The Needle and the Spoon or That Smell or Saturday Night Special or even Gimme 3 Steps which was a rejection of the barfighting culture too.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Shit you ain't gotta tell this southern-hippie-born-too-late about none of that. There is a concert video I saw years ago of these boys that absolutely wore me out, I could not believe it. It was the damnedest thing, how into what they were doing, how much they were feeling the music and how happy all of them were. And there wasn't a god damned racist flag on the stage. That shit was not it.

          • prommie

            Umm, you mean "how fucking totally stoned they were," right? I have never in my life seen people so stoned on stage. But in a totally good way! They like curled up around their instruments and yes they were totally totally into what they were doing and shuffled around to the music just exactly like their most stoned fan out in front of the stage. But damn they were stoned, immaculate, as Jim said.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh come on, did I have to SPELL IT OUT? But okay. I can't imagine that is what deeply into the music, feeling what they were doing, and happy meant, god you are so literal. I think you just like saying that word at me – stoned, smoking, weed and so forth. flounce.

          • prommie

            Holy shit, thats what you mean when you say all the time "I like to be happy?' Damn, just damn.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh for fuck's sake. You're super smart. That's what I always told you I like about you, how quick you are? Hey, nice to meet you. And shit I wish. But, I have to be happy about other stuff now.

      • prommie

        Its just, you know, don't fuck with my Flarda boys.

        • FakaktaSouth

          As one born of the Gainevillains, I am on your side. AND I can't believe you actually have me PULLING for those hair-extended pretty boys in blue and that god awful orange. WillMuschampswearing asshole-chomping-jaws-dancing-tennessee-beating(WOOOHOO) freaks. I swear man, the things I do… (I just wanna go to the SECC and whoop that ass even harder)

          • prommie

            That would be Some Shit. What a December!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Hey, point your screaminess at Josh Fruhlinger, some of us already knew that!!

    • tessiee

      There used to be such a thing in the south — at least around Chapel Hill, NC, there were neighborhoods of guys who still wore bib overalls and had lawn flamingos, and guys who wore bib overalls and had lawn flamingos again — I used to call them "hippie-billies".

  • LibertyLover

    And be a simple kind of man
    And recycle all of your number #1 and #2 plastics and put your newspapers and cans on the curb on pickup days…

  • Blueb4sinrise

    After much soul-searching, I too have decided that I don't give a flying fuck.

    • prommie

      Right up there with Dead Michael Jackson's stand on abortion, huh? I can get that.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????

  • Pithaughn

    Crap. Well, how about the Georgia Satellites ? Will they keep the sacred flag that reminds us of our proud heritage where we sucked at war and lost the only war we ever started? And now we join the armed forces of the victors at rates greater than the states that are the victors? Huh?

    • HistoriCat

      Worst Southern bar band evar!

      • Pithaughn

        Oh noes! I must be a cracker! I love Keep your hands to yourself.

        • HistoriCat

          Bless your heart.

  • the_onceler

    Why did wingnuts even think Skynard was a conservative band? Mr. Saturday Night Special is a pro-gun control song. Plus Sweet Home Alabama was critical of the segregationists: "In Birmingham, they love the governor (boo boo boo) Now we all did what we could do" doesn't sound like pro-George Wallace.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm still kicking myself in the ass for letting my original cover (band surrounded by flames) copy of Street Survivors go for five bucks, some 20 years ago when I cleared out my album collection to make room for my CDs.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i got a bunch of those regrets.

      none having to do with southern rock however.

  • MosesInvests

    Here's another Skynyrd lyric from back in the day:
    "Have you ever lived out in the ghetto,
    Have you ever felt the cold wind blow?
    If you don't know what I mean, won't you stand up and scream?
    'Cause there's things goin' on that you don't know."

  • johnnymeatworth

    This just in, I hear Steve Miller is no longer a "midnight toker."

    But Fiona Apple is….

    • jqheywood

      Best all-time plumber van slogans I have ever seen, on a "Steve Miller Plumbing" van:

      "The pompetus of plumbing"

    • eggsacklywright

      Yeah, and where in the hell does one find hash these days. Haven't seen it since the 70's.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Sweet home, Alabama
    Play that dead band's song
    Turn them speakers up full blast
    Play it all night long

    Daddy's doing Sister Sally
    Grandma's dyin' of cancer now
    The cattle all have brucellosis
    We'll get through somehow

    • Steverino247

      Fastbook post: "You better stay away from him. He'll rip your lungs out, Jim!"

  • prommie

    What does Southern Culture On The Skids have to say about this?

    • eggsacklywright

      Now them's whatcha call artists. Great group.

    • tessiee

      I think they'd tell us to keep the wig on the lid, and put the glue on the 'do.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Can I let go of the lighter now? It is burning my thumb.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    It's Everybody Get Touchy About Their Musical Icons Day!!!

    • prommie

      I'm not touchy and you shut up! Actually, they are no kind of icon to me, but there is a big misapprehension about the 70s southern culture and what was going on and how not racist, not conservative, not like anything going on now, the 70s southern hippie-stoner long haired redneck thing was. People should think of Willie Nelson to maybe get a clue, everyone loves his ass, same fucking thing even though he even shared a stage with Merle that asshole.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Like I said, yell at fucking Josh Fruhlinger, I already know this!! Some of us on this board were alive at the time, read music magazines and actually paid attention to the lyrics of songs like "Sweet Home Alabama." It doesn't help that dickhead present day Skynyrd fans are the ones with their union suits in a bundle over this, so don't blame it all on Northerners who don't know how chill your scene was in the '70s. It also doesn't help the general milieu that people like Charlie Daniels, who I thought was kind of cool in 1978, turned out to be a jingoistic asshole in the '80s and beyond.

      • pdiddycornchips

        True story: When I was 16 I worked in bus depot in Vegas. We had this giant bus washing machine and tour buses would bring their buses in to get cleaned up. Willie Nelson's bus was a thing of beauty. Inside, it was literally covered in joint roaches, empty Jack Daniels and Coors bottles. We cleaned it up and an hour later, two limo's pulled in, two long haired roadies got out of one, and unloaded the other. It was full of cases of Jack and Coors. They also gave us each a hundred buck tip and let us keep the roaches.

      • tessiee

        "I'm not touchy and you shut up!"

        I am SO stealing this!
        $: – D

      • tessiee

        "there is a big misapprehension about the 70s southern culture and what was going on and how not racist, not conservative, not like anything going on now, the 70s southern hippie-stoner long haired redneck thing was."

        That's true at least in part because some of the hippie-stoner ethos got co-opted by the other side, or at least by the mainstream:
        "In high school, they beat him up for having long hair and smoking weed. Now, their hair was down to their shoulders and they stayed high all day." — Smokestack Lightning.

  • tessiee

    I can hardly wait for the new single, "Sweet Home Obama".

    • bobbert

      "Sweet Home, Al-Obama".

  • tessiee

    Where Skynyrd goes, can Marshall Tucker be far behind?

    • prommie

      Can't you see?

  • tessiee

    "Gary Rossington, the only original member, grovelled to CNN’s Fredricka Whitfield."

    !!!
    What, on TV and everything???
    Wait — "grovelled" means "cunnilingus", right?

    • prommie

      nah, thats "spelunking."

  • DahBoner

    They should move to Detroit and raise some cotton. Large labor pool willing to work hard for crackers…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      How does that work? Detroit's large labor pool was made up of people trying to get away from crackers.

  • tessiee

    "Many are now calling the band a “fake,” who just own the rights to the original band’s name."

    Syd Barrett on Line 1…
    Roger Waters on Line 2…
    Keith Moon on Line 3…
    Brian Jones on Line 4…
    Robbie Robertson on Line 5…
    Lou Reed on Line 6…
    Lindsey Buckingham on Line 7…

    • bobbert

      Keith Moon?

  • tessiee

    *holds up lighter*
    STAIRWAY TO FREEBIRD!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOMlX7jaQBs

    Rev. Billy C. Wirtz is awesome!

  • Steverino247

    Alt Text: "Freebird yesteday, Freebird today, Freebird tomorrow."

  • HistoriCat

    Obviously Whitfield threatened Rossington with the Betamax and he decided to hold on to his head.

    Too soon?

  • ElPinche

    BOYCOTT FREEBIRDS BURRITOS!1!!

    • tessiee

      Except Mitt, who still goes there for their vegetarian burrito.

  • MinAgain

    Meh. Just replace it with a NASCAR flag. Who'll even notice the difference?

  • ThankYouJeebus

    The next thing you know, ZZ Top will come out against the War on Women.

  • docterry6973

    Brainwashed Skynyrd? Try replicated Skynyrd. Let's just say that there might be a couple more occupied trailers here at Rock N' Roll FEMA camp.

    Perhaps I've said too much.

  • superdave

    And I was the first to flash my boobs. Too bad they're manboobs.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I was the first one to hate on Dylan for going electric.

      • pepperpat

        I was the first one to tell KISS to put their makeup back on.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    the south is more trouble than it's worth i think. would you all mind moving somewhere north and then we can sell off the rest to vladimir putin or something?

    thanks.

  • prommie

    It hurts me when I am being sincere, and you mock. sniff.

  • prommie

    The cycle of violence is only ended when one party decides to forego the requirements of "honor," including the social pressure to want vengeance, and the pressure to do the honorable thing and "fight like a man." Yes I was not kidding, these "honor" concepts create a culture in which people feel compellled to commit violence even when they do not want to. There is such a culture in the south, rejecting it is a strong statement, precisely because people will do as you just did and call someone who does reject it a pussy, wuss, faggot, etc.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    So this is about the music that aided my conception…
    As a Spermatozoan-American, I hadn't quite developed my rock music mojo.

  • AlterNewt

    "Well they call me the bries…"

  • tessiee

    Albinos throughout the South burned their banjos in protest.

  • midnighttoker69

    I have to take issue with your characterization of the original band. Ronnie Van Zant, the original lead singer who wrote the vast majority or their lyrics, did not espouse racism or hatred in any form. The Confederate flag was the idea of their record company, which was used to promote the concept of "southern rock". The idea was not popular within the band and Ronnie was always uncomfortable with it. The lyrics to "Sweet Home Alabama" condemned George Wallace… "In Birmingham the love the governor, Boo Boo Boo", and the Neil Young reference was a teasing response to the songs "Southern Man" and "Alabama". Van Zant and Young had a mutual respect and, at the time of the plane crash had plans to collaborate on the song "Powderfinger".

    That being said, the modern incarnation of the band has not had the spirit of the original band, and has, for the most part, been living off the talent of the original band for 25 years or so. They have clung tightly to right-wing agendas and ideals., and alienated a lot of their fans while doing so. While I am pleased that they will no longer be using the flag, it is a misrepresentation to say that these concepts and ideals have been the same throughout the history of the band. Ronnie Van Zant wrote about the environment and conservation in the mid-70's, and would not have been a supporter of GWBush or Mitt Romney. If anybody is interested, I can provide links to support my claims.

    • bobbert

      This is Wonkette. You don't have to support your claims, but you might want to swear a little more.

  • wvfii

    yeah dudes, y'all kind of boned this one. OG Skynyrd were pretty cool. i agree the rebel flag waving was/is problematic, but i also think it "meant" something slightly different vis-a-vis 70s rawk culture than it does now.

    R. Van Zant was a mensch and if he were alive today i'm willing to bet he would be adopting gay babies w/ Obama right now

  • ttommyunger

    In the famous words of Yoda (tattooed along each of my forearms): "Offended, you are?" "A shit I don't give."

  • Negropolis

    So long as I don't have to hear Sweet Home Alabama, again, I don't care what they do.

  • Mary_Hayes

    My favorite Skynyrd song has always been "All I Can Do Is Write About It", which I've never heard even once on radio. It's about the saddest song ever written about the South.

  • clecinosu

    Sorry, they've already promoted gun control.

    Saturday Night Special: "Handguns are made for killing/They ain't no good for nothin' else."

  • ElComadreja

    First time I ever heard “Curtis Blow” I wanted to puke. The second time I did.