DID TAX DOLLARS PAY FOR THAT BRONZER  10:54 am September 20, 2012

Mitt Romney Totally Loves Welfare Now, You Guys

by Josh Fruhlinger

Looks like we're going to need a bigger elevatorA weak, vacillating politician — one not fit to be a leader — would express a politically unpalatable position in a private setting, but then retract it when it becomes public. A strong leader would explain that, while his words may have sounded harsh in context, the ideas he was trying to express were important, and in fact are ultimately for everyone’s benefit. And that’s exactly what Mitt did with his 47% talk in his brownfaced appearance on Univision, except for the part where he said that he cares about all Americans and especially poor people and welfare is awesome and did you know that Mitt’s dad was on welfare? Yay, welfare!

Nothing heartens Mitt Romney more than a story about a penniless political refugee driven across the Rio Grande and then suckling up to the teat of the American welfare state, he told his good Hispanic friends on TV last night!

I mentioned my dad, my dad was born in Mexico of Americans parents living there. At age 5 or 6 there was revolution. They came back to the United States, and my dad had to get help, financial help, the government helped his family be able to get on their feet again. By the way, that’s the way America works, we have great hearts, we care for people who have needs. We help get them back. We help lift them up but then they go back to their permanent lifestyle.

Lift people up out of poverty and then they go back to their permanent lifestyle! That sounds … that sounds exactly like how welfare works in the United States now, despite suggestions from some. Anyway, Mitt is totally standing by his earlier tough statements to conservatives but also wants Latinos to know that he is 100% in favor of the American welfare state as it currently exists. He also plans to fix America’s broken immigration laws, something Obama promised to do but didn’t but Mitt will totally be able to do because Mitt is all about solving difficult problems.

Here, check out welfare queen Lenore Romney explaining how government handouts helped make Mitt’s dad a productive member of society.

[ABC/LAT]

 
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{ 215 comments }

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Some of my best friends used to be on welfare, wait, what?"
–Mittens

Serolf_Divad September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Actually, I fully expect Mittens to come out with something like:

"I've got some friends who own people who are on welfare."

And then spend the next week doubling down, explaining, modifying and finally retracting his statement.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

It was not elegantly edited.

Self-Uploader September 20, 2012 at 11:25 am

Some of his friends still are on welfare, corporate variety.

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"The Welfare State is my ancestral homeland"
– Mitt Romney

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Some of my best friends will own the no-bid contracts when I privatize welfare."

no_gravity September 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

That's what they call Lying for the Lord.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Isn't that supposed to be a Mohammedan thing?

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:37 am

Lying for the Lord is a real thing and Rmoney is a virtuoso at it – http://trappedbythemormons.wordpress.com/2012/05/

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

First there was a mountain then there was no mountain then there was – it's Zen Romney!….

zippy_w_pinhead September 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

what is the sound of one hand fapping?

Come here a minute September 20, 2012 at 10:57 am

I hope Mitt remembered to lie to the browns about Obama cutting the work requirement out of welfare!

Terry September 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

Best lie to them about his party's stand on immigration, too. Oh, and how they call for the general harassment of anyone with more not-sprayed-on pigment than Mitt.

Beetagger September 20, 2012 at 10:58 am

Schrodinger's candidate.

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

The only thing we know for sure is that the cat will be dead on November 7.

iburl September 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The dog is already dead.

Franknflower September 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

I only think that's funny cause I'm a physicist.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

I'd ask you a medical question, but I only consult real doctors.

Oblios_Cap September 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

I didn't know that physicists were chiropractors, too.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

You're thinking of osteopaths.

Or psychopaths.

glasspusher September 20, 2012 at 11:54 am

Listen, pal, I taught premeds on my way to getting a Ph.D., and I'll let you know who the posers really are…

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 20, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"I have a degree in homeopathic medicine"

Beetagger September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Are you an extroverted physicist? i.e.., you look at other people's shoes instead of your own when they're speaking to you.

glasspusher September 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

He's so spontaneous, he has a negative delta G!

eggsacklywright September 20, 2012 at 11:16 am

I studied fizz once. Nothing came of it.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:19 am

Really? My physics usually do the trick first time out.

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

Sometimes I experience "inappropritate happiness". Can you offer advice on this? Do I get to lay back on your couch while you counsel me?

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

"Tell her how I feel? Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie."

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:08 pm

There is only one treatment for the plague of "hysteria."

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 12:11 pm

A vibrator?

finallyhappy September 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

CERN, LHC(isn't that the password)

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 11:38 am

Could be Heisenberg's candidate, too. But I'm not sure about that.

Pragmatist2 September 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

Somewhere out there is some Tea Party troll looking through these comments hoping to throw in a zinger. He is trying to figure out what sort of Communists Heisenberg and Schroedinger were and whether "Leonard" is Leon Trotsky's full name.

Dudleydidwrong September 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Yeah, but you gotta remember that all scientifical types are socialist commie atheists because they all believe that evil-loosian stuff and they subvert our children and all sorts of things. By their very natures Heisenberg and Schrödinger are not to be trusted because of that, too, also.

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are both dead, so we know they were evil. If they believed in the Bible they'd still be alive. And Trotsky? Doesn't he own a deli on 7th Street?

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Nah, you're thinking of the old NatLamp comic "Bonnie and Trotsky".

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Dang, you beat me to it! His policies can be described by a wave interference pattern and depend on the position of the observer. After inauguration, the waveform collapses (along with America).

GemlikeFlame September 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Does that mean we can lock him in a box with a radiation source and a vial of poison gas? Because I am very up for that.

And it would simplify a lot of things. I put the Schrodinger's Cat scenario to one of my students who then said, and I quote:

"Who cares if the cat is alive or dead? It's locked into a box with a radiation source and a vial of poison gas. It's not going anywhere."

Perceptive lad, he'll go far, unlike Mittens.

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Answer: The cat. Well, if it's alive, but ….

barto September 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

The irony here is that my wingnut friend is always forwarding the batshit emails about messicans waltzing across the border and right in to the welfare office (after dropping the kiddo off at the hospital, of course). Guess he was right, after all!

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Do a reply all with the content of this speech to one of them from a throw away email address. Those types never understand how to use the bcc field.

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

Did the audience remind Mitt that if he was a Latino, he'd be a Democrat?

Texan_Bulldog September 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

Or did the audience remind Mitt why his daddy was born on Mexican soil instead of in the good ole USA … and how his daddy had about 8 moms? Something tells me the browns are not hip to Mormonism.

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

Marco Rubio libelz!!!

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Hey, he said "Latino", not "Cubano".

iTuna September 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

I had a dream last night that Romney just dropped out of the campaign. It was awesome.

Terry September 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

OMG, the next 47 days would be fantastic. Just imagine what Fox News would be saying.

Texan_Bulldog September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

They would just be airing that fuzzy image of the US flag flying (like they used to right before the networks shut down for the night in the 70s), because all the anchors would have had aneurysms.

Pragmatist2 September 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

I'd be worried they would replace him with someone human. Do robots have birth certificates?

Pithaughn September 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

In my dream he hari karied.

MissNancyPriss September 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Did you notice how he is losing his hair? Seriously, he ought to drop out for his own sake.

ManchuCandidate September 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

Only producers get coffee welfare.

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Glengarry Glen Romney.

Chichikovovich September 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

Health care is for closers.

noodlesalad September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

First place is you get to fire people.

nobodyssweetheart September 20, 2012 at 11:35 am

Fudge you, that's my name.

Lascauxcaveman September 20, 2012 at 11:39 am

"As you all know, first prize is the presidency, Second prize, a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired."

ManchuCandidate September 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

Based on what's been going on in the RMoney Badger's camp, I think the steak knives have already been handed out… and shoved into the RMoney Badger's back.

mrblifil September 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

I wish Mitt Romney had been a Latino too, but not for the reasons he wishes he was one.

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

Wouldn't this all be easier if Mitt was Mexican?

nounverb911 September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

Then he could self-deport?

ChillBill September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

Mitt is running out of people to pander to. It's truly sad to watch.

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

Hey, he could go pander to the Esquimoes! A six week campaign tour might look good right now…

Boojum September 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

And they all hate him anyway. I bet it reminds him of high school.

PsycWench September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

my dad was born in Mexico of Americans parents living there.

I am one of you but I'm not REALLY one of you. Glad we got that straight.

Terry September 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

He left out the part about his grandfather's polygamous compound.

bearperney September 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Sex-Ranch?

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

He really, really does make some weird associations to be "like us".

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 11:39 am

He had to nip that "wherez yer birff certificut?" shit in the bud.

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 11:39 am

my dad was born in Mexico

I look forward to him repeating this in Iowa, SW Virginia, and Ohio.

freakishlywrong September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

I don't think his problem is with Latinos. I think it's much darker than that.

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

We help lift them up but then they go back to their permanent lifestyle.

Unless it's an alternative lifestyle, of course.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

I thought having many wives WAS an alternative lifestyle.

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

WTF does "permanent lifestyle" even mean?

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

I can't keep up. Is Mitt going to stare down Mexicans until they disappear, stare down welfare until it disappears, or stare up America's skirt and wish he could get some?

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

Looks like the "script error" is fixed. Glad to know I can do my Wonkette work from work.

PsycWench September 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

Good to know, I was wondering if my computer was the problem but was not sure I wanted to explain to IT that I was having trouble wasting time on Wonkette.

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

I hear ya. Our IT would be understanding but I didn't want to ask.

Oblios_Cap September 20, 2012 at 11:09 am

It appeared to have originated with the TMZ video that was posted yesterday.

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:23 am

It was Fn annoying. I have never clicked "No" as much as I have in the last few days. I feel like I need to click "Yes" a few times just to get my life balance back.

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:41 am

Me too – at first I thought they were kicking me off the site for saying "fuk" one too many times. Daily Kos kicked me out for daring to say that there was never a full investigation of what happened on 9/11 and that many people still had questions. I am a conspiracy theorist now. Yay me!! Oh, and FUK YOU DAILY KOS!!!

weejee September 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

And to celebrate Willard's latest flip-flop, Mr. Senator Turtle, Rand Paul, and thirty-eight of their douchenozzle GOP Senate colleagues told those lazy, shiftless unemployed vets to go fuck themselves.

ChernobylSoup September 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

I'm not sure why Obama didn't cut into prime time last night to mention that vote.

freakishlywrong September 20, 2012 at 11:15 am

You mean our stenographers didn't report this as "Senate Fails to pass Vets Jobs bill"?

weejee September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

Sad but true, they skipped that "go fuck yourselves" direct quote of the Senate Minority Turtle. Why does the lame stream not print these pithy quotes??

ThankYouJeebus September 20, 2012 at 11:32 am

Rachel Maddow had former PA Representative Patrick Murphy on last night. It was an incredible segment.

EatsBabyDingos September 20, 2012 at 11:03 am

I'm singing "On Chupacabra's Wings" for Mitt today. It's like "On Eagle's Wings," but for goat suckers.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

I wish he would stop calling it a "revolution" and start saying what it was. Mexico didn't want weirdos with harems spreading their crazy America's Own Jesus theories all over their land, so they kicked us the hell out, and for some reason they didn't let us starve here."

Chet Kincaid_ September 20, 2012 at 11:09 am

Yeah, but according to that MexiMormon video series, they're all still down there.

FakaktaSouth September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

I saw that guy on there described as "the former linebacker from Alabama" and I swear, I thought, there ain't NO terrible situation we dumbfucks won't jump into with both feet. So wretched.

freakishlywrong September 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

Does anybody, really, have any fucking idea what is in this clown's core? I really don't. Other than hating poor blahs, I honestly couldn't tell you.

mrpuma2u September 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

You are assuming there is a core of anything substantial. I think it's just a fluffy cellulose in there. Bland and beige.

noodlesalad September 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

Inside that clown is another clown. And inside that one, yet another. It's clowns, all the way down.

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

So, he's Russian?….

FlownOver September 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

Worse, Soviet!

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 11:32 am

Beauty!…

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Matrioshka clowns. That's a clown clown, bro.

BornInATrailer September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Other than an apparent strong drive to hold public office for some unknown reason, I haven't a clue what he actually believes.

Calling him a windsock isn't appropriate because they are consistent for short periods of time and your viewing of the windsock doesn't change it's direction.

He's like the living political incarnation of the Heisenberg principle. The closer you look at his positions and policy, the more your scrutiny alters them.

Terry September 20, 2012 at 11:16 am

A love of dinero, my friend.

freakishlywrong September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

Dinero is people too, my friend.

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 11:45 am

He was great as the young Don Corleone!

Jus_Wonderin September 20, 2012 at 11:24 am

I think it is the Intel Dual Core.

Radiotherapy September 20, 2012 at 11:35 am

freak, I think the only reason he wants to be prez, other than ego, is to get rid of the estate tax so that Tagg and Tick and Trot can live easily off the Romney welfare state.

Spurning Beer September 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

I want to praise Mitt with faint damns:

I don't think he hates black people, or Mexicans, or even gay people. He just has no concept of them. His core is amorphous and spongy, not especially hate-filled. He's a good-boy Mormon high-achieving rich kid whose life training has been that making a fortune in business sometimes requires a flexible version of integrity and morality, and that electoral politics is just like that. Sometimes you have to invest in areas you consider offensive, sometimes you have to tell partial truths or untruths, sometimes you have to step on other people and still find a way to avoid feeling like an asshole, because things have to be done in the real world for a bigger purpose, like getting really fucking rich, or gaining the Highest Office in the Land.

BornInATrailer September 20, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I suspect that is pretty spot on. I don't believe he has some weird Mormon version of a Dominionist-esque drive. Or a particular ugly agenda against some minority. I doubt he has particularly strong negative views on any particular group or even strong views on righting some kind of wrong, enacting some great change.

But if that is the case… then why? He's rich as shit already. How much more will this get him vs. what it will cost, cost in all currencies? Maybe it is just ego and an unquenchable thirst for money and power. And that I don't understand people driven in this way (because I'm not).

I sometimes wonder if the faith is the answer. I think we tend to forget it because I don't think anyone on "this side" (eh) makes an issue of it. His faith is an issue for the fundies in his party. And he doesn't mention it that much, probably on purpose but perhaps for what are the wrong reasons. But we've also heard from his fellow Mormons how active he is and how what we see isn't the real Mitt. Maybe this boils down to his father was the first Mormon governor outside Utah. And he wants to one-up that, both for his faith and for his esteem within his church.

Seems odd to do this out of faith when your positions seem to be so flexible but it's all that makes sense to me so far.

Spurning Beer September 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I think you're onto something. My sense is that he has graduated from pursuing wealth to pursuing validation or legitimacy. It's a little like the nouveau riche trying to find some standing with the old money people. Mormonism — apart from its content — is a freshly-minted Wild West religion that would really like to be taken seriously, and the Presidency would be an even greater plum than the Governorship of Massachusetts. Maybe that is the higher purpose his opportunism is serving.

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

You know, there really is a White Horse Prophecy. And more centrally, when old Joe cooked up the religion, it was coupled very tightly with US nationalism. In effect, the reason for the existence of the US was to provide the stage on which the true version of Christianity could finally be "reinstated". The idea that the US will eventually become a theocracy is pretty deeply embedded,

It's impossible to know how devout Rmoney is, but as a kid he had to be exposed to the basic concepts, and the idea that it is his destiny to become President and "save" the country must at least resonate deep in his tiny soul.

Goonemeritus September 20, 2012 at 11:04 am

I bet Romney’s mother actually drove a Cadillac, proof positive that some stereotypes have a bases in fact.

Lot_49 September 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

Very nice! Would a two-tone Rambler Ambassador with three-speed automatic, whitewall tires, full vinyl upholstery and a 360-ci V8 still qualify?
http://www.picturearchive.co.za/Images/large_1959

They were often called "Kenosha Cadillacs," according to wik-uh-pedya.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Oh man! First car I ever drove was a '69 Ambassador. If you sneezed on the gas pedal, the car went 0-60.

Lot_49 September 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

The wagon, in all it's brown-and-pink glory:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3

Or how about this total chick magnet with reverse-angle c-pillar, dual exhausts and a "Continental kit"?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

We had the two-door coupe with a V8 401 in white with red accents and red leather seats.

And then my fucking father gave it to my goddam sister for college and that was the last I saw of it. She even sold it to some dude when she was finished for $100! I would have paid that just to get my hands on her and fix her up. She just needed a few mechanical tweaks. Thing was cherry, never been in an accident.

Which for a car in my family was really rare.

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Okay, for once I'm not too old. If I saw that on the street, I'd think it was an Edsel.

zippy_w_pinhead September 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

How nice, the tires match Willard's haircut

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

My first car was a '67 Rambler American. If you tromped on the gas pedal, it would eventually think about reaching 60.

DCBloom September 20, 2012 at 11:34 am

I had one of those beasts when I was 17. I loved that damn thing *wipes tear

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

No. Rambler.

Nostrildamus September 20, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Dunno if she drove a Cadillac, but she certainly raised a Gremlin.

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

I watched that whole video hoping for a view of that ironing board Ann borrowed…George counting out "one Amero, two Amero's , fuck Henry Ford, three Amero's…

ph7 September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Mitt's mama was Mez'can and her daddy was the ace of spades.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

They all call him puta cuz no one really knows his name he's such a corporate whore.

Oblios_Cap September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

that’s the way America works, we have great hearts, we care for people who have needs. We help get them back. We help lift them up but then they go back to their permanent lifestyle.

"We try to help them out, but they blow it all on hookers and blow." Moroni is not pleased.

Which America is he speaking of? Central or South?

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 11:24 am

He might be talking about South Central.
L.A., that is.

Chet Kincaid_ September 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

Mitt looks and sounds more like his mother than his father. Except for the "projecting sincerity" thing.

noodlesalad September 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

The way that MittBot customizes his humaninteraction.exe file depending on the composition of the audience, makes you wonder what would happen if he had to speak to a group that consisted of conservatives, liberals, whites, blacks, latinos, homophobes, LGBT, and everything else (i.e. America). He'd probably just asplode, no?

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

He'd probably just launch into a chorus of "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?" followed by a "Hahahaha"

freakishlywrong September 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

He'd blue screen. Ne'er to reboot.

PsycWench September 20, 2012 at 11:35 am

You know, if he wins (doubtful), that's exactly what he WILL do in his inauguration speech. So I hope we never find out.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:12 pm

The way that MittBot customizes his humaninteraction.exe

HUMANI~1.EXE

/nerd

Serolf_Divad September 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

So is Romney going to purposefully insult thsese folks, too, so tomorrow he can give a speech to a bunch of teabaggers bragging about how the messicans booed him when he told them what's what?

Spurning Beer September 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm

If that's the idea, the planning was faulty. A Miami Republican crowd is going to be majority Cuban, and they have a different perspective. They're not going to boo.

Terry September 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

"By the way, that’s the way America works, we have great hearts, we care for people who have needs. We help get them back. We help lift them up but then they go back to their permanent lifestyle."

Yeah, except your party and your running mate are trying to break down that very safety net you're lauding here, Mitt. Do you think the people watching Univision don't notice this fact?

Geminisunmars September 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Espere. ¿Qué?

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Didn't Father George have no babby bootstraps? No?

fawkedifiknow September 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

For the life of me, I don't know where Mitt got this flip-flopper reputation with people.

Toomush_Infer September 20, 2012 at 11:16 am

I know! It's just very inelegant….

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

Probably from watching Saturday Night Live

Spurning Beer September 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Mitt wears wing-tip flip-flops.

Sharkey September 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

So if there was a revolution in the US, he would just move back to Mexico.

Lot_49 September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

He didn't stash all that cash in the Caymans and Switzerland for nothing…

Radiotherapy September 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

Mmm, flip-flops in the morning…pancakes for everybody.

BaldarTFlagass September 20, 2012 at 11:15 am

Hey, Mexican folks, don't believe him. If he's elected, it's gonna be all "chorizo para usted" all the time.

ibwilliamsi September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

"chorizo gobierno para usted" will be the extent of his welfare program.

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:26 pm

"Pueden a comer buñuelos!"

ibwilliamsi September 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

OK, I'm seriously, guys. Can someone please explain to me how it is that Bishop Romney's dad was born in Mexico and was on the ballot for POTUS?

Lot_49 September 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

Anchor baby! "Squirted across the border," as Lindsey Graham so elegantly put it..

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

He's white?

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

While the issue was raised during his campaign, he didn't stay in long enough for a firm decision on his eligibility to be made.

The argument that he made was, because his family was forced to flee the US (they were polygamous) he could be considered a natural born American (both his parents and grandparents were native born citizens IIRC), but like I said, no one ever got around to weighing in on this.

Apparently, when he was born, his parents had to choose whether George would be a Mexican citizen or an American and they chose American. Not sure how that worked, but that's the basis of his claim

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 11:27 am

His parents were Americans, therefore, he was an American and was eligible to run for President. Apparently this privilege is not afforded to a child with a pigmentation problem that was born in the totally American state of Hawaii who was born of an American woman (who was born in Kansas).
Also, too, George Romney was a wah. (Just like this wasn't a problem for John McCain)

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

The argument could have been made, however, that since their parents (Mitt's grandparents) fled the US because of polygamy– a felony– that negated the American citizenship of George & Lenore.

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 11:58 am

Does that make them Wet-Chins or something? Wet-Bellys. We need a term here.

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I'm not sure it would negate Lenore's citizenship, she wasn't born in Mexico, was she? I am curious about the term "refuge FROM Mexico" though. WTF does that mean?

Besides, could they just say Romeny's Grandparents were just employing multiple marriage avoidance, same reasoning that Mittens used to offshore his money for tax avoidance?

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Even if you flee the country for whatever reason, unless you renounce your citizenship, I think you retain it. There are lots of Ex-pats that retain their citizenship even though they live in another country.

sewollef September 20, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Works for me.

I'm a Brit ex-pat living in the US for 9 years. Still have my Brit passport, since I'm a 'Resident Alien' [Green card].

I'm undecided on whether to take up US citizenship [I would of course keep my UK citizenship too - duh. Healthcare].

MosesInvests September 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

The same way Juan McCain was born in Panama (not the Canal Zone, in sovereign Panama) and was on the ballot for POTUS. You are a natural born US citizen if at least one parent was a citizen OR if you were born in the US. George Romney's parents were citizens, therefore he was a natural born citizen.

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 11:59 am

That definition has never been put to a legal test. That's the same one as for "citizen."

Me, I think it means you can't be born Caesarian.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:14 pm

MACDUFF LIBEL!

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I'm writing every pro-life Congressman to have this changed from "naturally born" to "naturally conceived." The danger of an IVF President cannot be overstated.

HempDogbane September 20, 2012 at 11:17 am

The more permanent lifestyles change the more they stay the same !

Wadisay September 20, 2012 at 11:19 am

I predict that the 2016 Republican platform will call for Klingon as our national language.

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:51 am

After this election smokes the entire Republicon party into obliteration, there may not be any around for 2016.

docterry6973 September 20, 2012 at 11:19 am

So he panders for the latino vote last night and by tonight he will deny it all to placate his base. The man is hopeless at his chosen craft, which is lucky for America.

Also, it damages Mitt when anyone sees what good folks his parents really were. What the hell happened to him? Absolute wealth corrupts absolutely, I guess.

ibwilliamsi September 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

Did anyone translate the tape into Spanish yet?

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm

The Arabic translation on YouTube says some rather unsavory things about Mohammed.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

Hey mitt, why exactly was your dad in Mexico?

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Mucho panocha.

LibertyLover September 20, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'll bet he was trying to figure out an elegant way to get 47% of those watching to self-deport.

Self-Uploader September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

Per the NYTimes at least, he's now for the Dream Act. This is a great strategy he's got going, just tell each audience what they want to hear. Not like there's any possible way they might find out…

PsycWench September 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

He might be thinking "good way there is no virtually instant way that people can transmit information to each other and that news organizations can disseminate information. And if there were, luckily there is no way of posting video footage that proves that their claims are accurate and my denials don't hold water."

BoroPrimorac September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

I'm sure Americans of Mexican or Guatemalan descent loved watching Mitt pander to a group which gets automatic citizenship and all the welfare help they need, once they put a foot in this country, no questions asked.

MacRaith September 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

Mitt wasn't against welfare before he was for it. He was both against it and for it at the same time. And the beautiful thing is that he still is. And he always will be, until he isn't. Because that's just the kind of guy Mitt is, except when he's not.

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 11:55 am

This is like how red state abortions for their daughters are justified, right? I think I'm catching on here . . .

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:18 pm

He's Schroedinger's Candidate and the waveform function describing his policy positions will collapse after inauguration.

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I got your superposition of states right here. (But I have no idea how fast it's moving).

fuflans September 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

this should go well too!

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 11:58 am

It prolly won't be on Fox, ergo, the base won't even know it happened.

No_Wire_Hangers September 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

"Mi padre was un 'Welfare Queen'"

hagajim September 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

Has anyone checked to see if this guy has multiple personality disorder? I swear to God I'm gonna start calling him Sybil Romney….just like her, his multiple personalities are fake, fake, fake.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 20, 2012 at 11:45 am

I think the last time we saw the real Mitt was when he cut that kids hair.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:15 pm

"Multiple personalities" implies he has more than zero.

bobbert September 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Yeah, I'd go with ZPD too.

anniegetyerfun September 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

"By the way, that’s the way America works, we have great hearts, we care for people who have needs. We help get them back. Unlike YOU people."

Estproph September 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

He's now for welfare. Of course this is while he is against welfare.

So he's 50% Mexican, 50% welfare kid, 50% prep school, 50% Doberman Pinscher – his real name actually is Mutt.

actor212 September 20, 2012 at 11:40 am

I'm thinking he's betting that those Lateeeeeeeenohhhhhhhhhhhhhs can't speaka da Ingles and so won't have heard the news from the past week month year decade ever.

chascates September 20, 2012 at 11:47 am

Yeah, but Romney's dad also greatly enlarged Michigan's state government and presided over the its first income tax, was a supporter of civil rights, and finally opposed the Vietnam War. So he's not truly Mitt-like.

Although Wikipedia states: The qualities that helped Romney as an industry executive worked against him as a presidential candidate;[34] he had difficulty being articulate, often speaking at length and too forthrightly on a topic and then later correcting himself while maintaining he was not.[51][166][167] Reporter Jack Germond joked that he was going to add a single key on his typewriter that would print, "Romney later explained…."[166] Life magazine wrote that Romney "manages to turn self-expression into a positive ordeal" and that he was no different in private: "nobody can sound more like the public George Romney than the real George Romney let loose to ramble, inevitably away from the point and toward some distant moral precept."[51]

The perception grew that Romney was gaffe-prone.[166][168] The campaign, beset by internal rivalries, soon went through the first of several reorganizations.

Presidential historian Theodore H. White wrote that during his campaign Romney gave "the impression of an honest and decent man simply not cut out to be President of the United States."[185] Governor Jim Rhodes of Ohio more memorably said, "Watching George Romney run for the presidency was like watching a duck try to make love to a football."

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Reporter Jack Germond joked that he was going to add a single key on his typewriter that would print, "Romney later explained…."

We now live in such a Brave New World of Office Macros.

Nostrildamus September 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Keep fuckin' that football, Mitt!
(It's a family tradition)

Kid_Charlemagne September 20, 2012 at 11:51 am

"I've been on food stamps and welfare, did anybody help me out?

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:53 am

That's what that has-been Craig T. Nelson said. What a maroon!

comrad_darkness September 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

You were awfully hard on the Beaver last night, dear.

Peckerwood_Pete September 20, 2012 at 11:53 am

I'm of the opinion that we do indeed need a social safety net….

But there are those who abuse the system… I found this out as a young social worker in SC (before I became even poorer, as an author). But I asked a high school kid once what he wanted to be when he grew up. He asked me, "what you mean?". I replied, "what do you want to do for a living when you grow up… for a job?". He responded, casually, "what I need a job 'fo?". I told him, "to earn money". He wisely informed me, "oh, ok.. naw, I dont need no job… we get a check".

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm

That sounds more like a failure of the educational system than anything else.

Peckerwood_Pete September 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Failure of the educational system is part of it. I think another part of it is failure of the parents to instill work ethic into the kids at home. But sadly, I found that many of the parents have the same views as their kids do.

We need jobs. Good jobs.

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

All in all, a person won't work harder at something unless they believe something will come of it. If the only viable (or even just visible) options are "government check" or "working poor," why work when you'll be poor either way?

Of course, this all hinges on those checks being as easy to get as he seems to believe.

At any rate, when you said "job," you meant "career," but that's not what he heard.

Peckerwood_Pete September 20, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Yes, I meant "career", absolutely…. a dead end job that doesn't pay the bills isn't much motivation to not be lazy…. it's a lose/lose situation right now…. sadly, even if many of these multi generational welfare folks wanted to work, they'd be competing with MBAs and PHDs for burger flipper jobs.

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Sounds like something that will last until the kid goes out on his own and sees just how far that check will take him.

poorgradstudent September 20, 2012 at 12:00 pm

The fact that Mitt Romney still commands a fairly sizable percentage in the polls is part of the reason why I want to start a movement called Americans for Enlightened Despotism.

Spurning Beer September 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And Mitt is one of the 47% who don't pay income taxes.

ThundercatHo September 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Did anyone else notice that the son he had with him last night (Spic Romney?) looks a lot more like Raul the pool boy than Mittens or the other 4 Romneyspawn?

HistoriCat September 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Are you sure that he didn't just have a better tanning session than Mittens?

bearperney September 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I noticed that too. I like to think it is "Raoul's revenge"!

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:54 am

I saw that too and thought they probably lined up all of the boys and chose whichever one was the darkest-skinned to be on stage. Posers!

a_pink_poodle September 20, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Mitt is the successful result of a welfare state!

Generation[redacted] September 20, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Ich bin ein Redistributionist!"

Eve8Apples September 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I don't know who is in charge of shaking the etch-a-sketch that is Romney's brain, but their arms must be getting real tired.

DahBoner September 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Wingnuts on Welfare: If it helps me, it's good. It's all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Papi: don't preach…

owhatever September 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Sure, I make the occasional mistake. I admit it. Running for President means I have to give a lot of speeches, and sure, I make the occasional mistake. I admit it. After all, I'm only human…only human…only hum…erk…snarf…Error code 303.

BTWBFDIMHO September 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

"If they have no Moneygrams let them have Swiss bank accounts". Maria Anntonieta de Romneynguez.

nycbiscuit September 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Did Mitt's grandparents pay US taxes while living in Mexico, or did they just come back to the States and start mooching off the system without paying anything into it?

oenspiek September 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

My dad was born in Mexico ….

And I'm obscenely rich. I'm looking to buy Mexico, since this POTUS thing just isn't working out.

ttommyunger September 20, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Next up, speaking to the NAACP in Black-Face…. GENIUS, I TELLS YA, GENIUS!

Isyaignert September 21, 2012 at 2:46 am

Well, if Paul Rayn's budget is ever enacted, the 1% will only pay 1% in federal income taxes.

Chichikovovich September 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

Or Shining Paths

chicken_thief September 20, 2012 at 11:35 am

Huh? What does Jack Torrance have to do with doctor stuff? I'm lost here….

Guppy September 20, 2012 at 12:27 pm

It's a scientific fact!

kittensdontlie September 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

That large number of clicks we each made, showed great perserverance, and our employers are lucky to have such tenacious employees!

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