Wonkette superoperative Limey Lizzie sends us this lovely snapshot from her Harlem home. His Holiness James David Manning, of ATLAH Church in Harlem, who previously said Gingrich and Romney had black fathers but apparently never addressed the parentage or heritage of one Bob Barr, who is totally passing? — has a message for the black men of Harlem: save the women from their strumpety fate, please. (This has something to do with Obama pimping white women, we are fairly sure.)
Here are 14 minutes of Manning’s greatest hits, including possibly the greatest (and right at the beginning!) “Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called ‘Barack Hussein Obama.’”
So white people are correct once again: black people are the real racists. Except for Herman Cain, who explains that Chris Matthews is the real racist because he said Mitt Romney was a racist, so Herman Cain will not go on Matthews’ racist TV show, where he is racist by saying Mitt Romney is racist. Eh, we would have done a post on that, but the video was really boring and also it turns out it is three weeks old. (Good job, TIPSTER.) The end.
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You know who else worships on Saturdays?
Jesus?
Seventh Day Adventists?
Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of rest. Means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbas!!!
Well they can unpost it!
That sounds so great.
damn, whats left for a jew to do on a saturday?
Fuck
Was that the use of the verb or the interjection.
If you are doing it right, its work.
Baldar, if you can't roll, can you at least rock??!!??
Nu, so what shul do you davven at?
Shabbat was especially great in college-the one day a week when I didn't feel guilty about blowing off schoolwork.
college football fans?
Golfers?
I don't know but I do know that Saturday's are all right for fighting.
Club kids?
SATan
Jerry Sandusky!
Oh. Sorry. I thought that said "preys"…
Careful or they'll send you to the showers.
Elton John? No, that's fighting.
Sabado Gigante?
Atlah Shrugs.
Ho ho!
If you had been in Harlem on a Saturday, Editrix Dearest, we could have gone to church here , for the hatred ,and then walked down the street to Amy Ruth's for the waffles.
Do they have mother fucking ice tea?
The O'Reilly restaurant is Sylvia's.
Was that not the most ignorant commentaries from O'Reilly you have ever heard?
Nah, that was just his usual stupid, racist stuff.
Melba's has much better chicken and waffles.
I am a fan of Amy-Ruth's never go to Sylvia's.
I just assumed that was the brand carried by all restaurants Harlem.
Oh would that it were.
Do they serve chicken with the waffles? Because they do in the Southside in Chicago and here in the D.
Oh yes, that particular dish is called “The Rev.Al Sharpton”! Also good is Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in Los Angels.
I met Reverend Al Sharpton, while also eating Rev,. Al Sharpton.
I thought you guys were going to make out in the foyer of the church and then blow kisses at Manning when he burst out of the sanctuary in a rage!
It would have more effect if you and I did that, he HATES the black man/white woman thing. I'd be OK with it.
The man is a cartoon of pathological self-hatred, how does he have a congregation?!
I have no idea, I know a lot of people in the nieghbourhood but I don't know anyone who attends his church.
New York Wonkette Meet-up II!
I love the smell of Hatred and Waffles in the morning. It smells like…….Shaman Manning. No, wait-that's dirty socks wrapped in burnt bacon……No, wait!
I think he's ready to move to South Carolina and run for Senate as a Democrat.
I'm sure the SC GOP will be delighted to provide funds for any filing fees needed…
Or Tennessee. Or West Virginia.
Louis Farrakhan is smiling somewhere.
So is the Cos
FUN FACT: this church is LITERALLY a stone's throw away from the historic site of the Malcolm Shabazz Mosque.
So he's smiling from sonewhere pretty nearby is what I'm getting at.
Everything in Harlem is just a stone's throw away, especially yuppies these days.
I like the way you think, sir!
But no seriously it is like a block and a half away, and totally visible from the church. Of course, that color scheme is probably visible from orbit, but that's a different matter really.
It is quite gaudy else isn't it? Oh well, not every preacher can be as sophisticated in their scammery as Calvin Butts.
They're both alive, so they wouldn't be hard to find. And Farrakhan doesn't have a problem with Obama or Negroes, it's whites and Jews he can't stand. As for Cos (or "me"), are you referring to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd9a685jzCg
Church of Scientology?
The last time I saw a Farrakhan smile it was on a huge unusually aggressive Water Moccasin, just before I killed it.
I'll be happy when he's smiling from hell or the mothership or wherever the hell he's going, but that's just me. Talk about a human that won't let you agree with him no matter how much you want to.
“Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called ‘Barack Hussein Obama.’”
What confusing me is the nature of His game.
We shouted out, "Who faps to the FLOTUS?" When after all, it was AOTK.
Pleased to meet you.
And just how does this guy know so much about Satan?
Satan sublets a room in his skull.
Smart, it's quite spacious I suspect
Unfurnished.
Many say Obama's not a real black man, but I still clutch my purse when he comes on the teevee.
I don't alway play rap music in my car, but if I see a black man when I'm doing so, I turn the volume way down.
I clutch something too, but it's not my purse.
I cross to the other side of the street whenever he's in town, but that has a lot more to do with the police barricades and backed-up traffic.
But when he sends me an email, I pull out my wallet! Funny how that works.
That's some dangerously awesome snark, right there.
I am perfectly happy to save women from their strumpety fate one woman at a time. Just send photos, and I will provide you with the date and location of your saving.
Hey!
I'm hoping you are far beyond saving.
Utterly. Please don't let that stop you from trying, repeatedly.
Slow news day?
Romney has run out of gaffes for today. But, don't worry. Romney will be back tomorrow with all new gaffes with his zany morning gaffe crew. Until then, hang by your thumbs and remember "It's milder."
Aren't they all?
I quit going to my local church. I felt like they just weren't committed to bringing the Hate.
"A lot of black women be sayin' 'don't date a white woman at all.'
(pause)
'Why should you be happy?'"
/ Richard Pryor
Hawaiian mobile home parks are the worst.
What, with the perfect weather and sweet smelling surf and palm trees and shit.
That is ok, Herman Cain has gone on Stephen Colbert's show without knowing he isn't a journalist so we all win!
That there's a colorful line o' reasoning…
I think I caught the Atlah vision as Peggy Noonan was looking pretty hot a few posts back.
Or maybe that was my three tequila lunch.
Dame Noonington: Wonkette's Original Hatefuck.
It's Obama's Blackie Tape… right?
And here I was thinking that if somebody wants to "make a woman unmarried married", they should just ask her.
“Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called ‘Barack Hussein Obama.’”
Wait, I thought his mother was really a jackal. Now I'm getting confused. Why can't Satan get his story straight?
The only difference between this guy and about 100,000 white preachers in the South is geography.
I stopped using Atlah for my insurance ever since that Gilbert Gottfried foofaraw after the Japan quake/tsunami.
Atlah!
Gesundheit!
Well if I were single I'd like to get some unmarried black women, but a church seems like a strange place to pick them up; I think a bar would be more normal.
Well, that church doesn't seem normal.
Actually, church is where a lot of blahs go trolling for dates.
And why NOT?..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIa1d6F2LTE
People who call people racist for pointing out racist people pointing out racism are the real racists.
I had to diagram that sentence.
RACIST!
How can you tell?
I'm not watching 14 min of douche baggery disguised as christian preaching.
Wise choice. It's awful and shouty.
That's a really nice-looking building.
Oh it is beautiful, there are about 6 churches in a 3 block radius and this one is the prize, it's such a pity that this man has his hands on it.
And they can't afford a snazzier sign? It looks like a HoJos
It looks well-spoken.
By my latest calculations (about 5 seconds ago), the lovely old buildings of this dirty old town account for 32.7% of why I wouldn't live anywhere else but NYC.
I would be a shame if anytink was to happen to it. My friend Tony can fix that for you.
I'm sure Berlin looked pretty in the late 30's, too. lol
DANG! *Smell* the crazy – http://atlah.org/
Nice to know we honkies haven't cornered the market on psychotic bigotry. Yet.
Wow. That webpage is super sexay. I detect notes of Red State and Pamela Gellar, mixed with heady overtones of Drudge and Compuserve circa 1992.
I also notice some teabagger-grade punctuation.
Did you notice the webmaster credit, one Homer J Simpson?
So, this political organization (which also appears to be an investment brokerage) is operating tax-free? That means that they MUST be pro-Obama.
They have an ad for motherfucking ice tea, right at the top.
Oh, and Abe Lincoln too, also, because, look at those lips. Maybe he wasn't even a Republican…what am I saying? Suspending habius corpus? He was like the origainal mack daddy Republican! And negro…I think. Lips. But hey, I'm not a racist or anything, it's just that the spirit is on me to tell the truth right now. Amen.
Get down, Moses…
Looking back, I could probably agree that I and my libtard friends said some pretty overheated things about Dubya (calling him Hitler-esque was a bit more credit than he deserved). But all the naked racism aimed at Barry O' is just staggering at this moment in history.
“Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called ‘Barack Hussein Obama.’” Post-racial America, my snark-free ass.
Making fun of retards, it's acceptable…blacks and gheys, not so much.
Needz moar antipsychotics.
I'm less about playing strumpets and more about getting my flute on
KENYANSOCIALISTHUNGLOGORILLAZ!!! AMEN!!!
Somewhere in Cairo, muslim #1 to muslim #2 watching this video: "Yes, we are the ones with the religion with all the fucked up people. Yes, excellent insight. This man seems a little crazy, yes? Somewhat angry, yes? Maybe you could put him on the cover of your Newsweek, next week? No? Different cover? Which is it, asparagus or naked princess?"
This tape has helped me re-focus my hatred from rich people to what I've hated for a long time, hated always: horrible Chi McBride sitcoms.
Just goes to show, batshitfuckingcrazy is colorblind.
Yes, here the half black pot calling the kettle half black. Maybe his father was white trash, thus making all the difference.
“Satan used an African man and a white trash woman to give birth to this wicked spirit called ‘Barack Hussein Obama.'"
A brother can't catch a break, can he?
Reading that made my mind race.
Mine just did the simple asplosion.
This dude joins Herman Cain and Alan Keyes in the category of black guys who hate Obama in a really really reasonable, batshit-free way.
Oh yeah, also Allen West. The man who permanently ruined the fade.
This guy was among Hillary Clinton's most convincing advocates in the 2008 primary.
And we listen to people who speak in churches because why…?
They're funny?
Colbert is funny, but we and his audience know he's bullshitting.
Church audience members typically believe what is said there, though.
We need more preachers like Stephen Colbert.
Yeah well if you want to get all serious about it…it's sad and pathetic that there are even just a few hundred people out there that hang on this dude's every word.
Because FIRST AMENDMENT GEORGE WASHINGTON FREEDUMB USA USA USA, that's why.
"The Blood of Jesus."
Isn't that what Michael Jackson used to call the wine he'd put in soda cans for the kids?
A San Francisco ice cream place, (Humphrey Slocum). makes the flavor: "Jesus Juice." It's red wine and coke.
I, personally, go for "Secret Breakfast," (bourbon and cornflakes).
There's always Breakfast of Champions, which is Wheaties and beer.
Needz moar Mexican titty twisting hipsters for Romney. Also, too.
From the totally incomprehensible Atlah Mission Statement:
The message of righteousness is further prescribed to lead and train the members of the community to control and influence all economic, commercial and social strength of the land between the two rivers known as ATLAH. Deuteronomy 28:1-14
The Indigenous people are to be:
Presidents and owners of Banking Institutions.
(Deuteronomy 28:12)
Presidents and Chairmans of Multi-national Corporations.
(Deuteronomy 28:13)
Presidents and Publishers of media outlets.
(Deuteronomy 28:1-14)
http://atlah.org/our-mission-statement/
Say, if Brother Crazyman is so down with the Dueteronomy old testament teachings, why is he wearing clothing made of mixed fibers? Stone him!
He wears a Koch of many colors.
What? No dentists?
Only if they are also lawyers and real-estate agents at the same time (Deuterorlymy 4:20-69)
Needz moar Samuel L Jackson
Back to Mesopotamia?
Either that or back to ALEC.
Makes sense, but what about the Easter Bunny?
A local heroin drug addict spoke to him and said," If y’all gonna be a church, you better; "Be-The-Lite." Thus, the mission was formed in the statement and the name, Bethelite. The ATLAH World Missionary Church has become the evangelistic, missionary arm of the parent church, Bethelite.
So the parent church got its name from a heroin addict. No further questions, your honor. The defense rests.
Dig deeper: this clown held a mock trial at Columbia over Obama's transcripts and the CIA. Somewhere in there, he probably tossed in New Coke.
No mention of the Indigenous people running casinos?
I'm still trying to figure out if this is a tax-exempt organization. If so, we have fucking FAILED as a nation.
Consider it a side-effect of making Romney's church tax-exempt.
And suddenly I agree with Reverend Wright. God damn America.
I agreed with him from the very beginning, FWIW.
Goddamn the pusher man.
Bring me the head of the preacher man.
You don't have to ask, thy will has already been done.
Haters, verily, gonna hate…
So… you guys think that after this video release Obama's going to toss Rev. James David Manning under the bus just like he did Rev. Jeremia Wright?
This guy needs to take it down a notch or two….or a kajillion.
Sometimes, you need a good lede when the Sunday forecast calls for good weather.
Looks like I found my new church! Do you think this guy is available to do my wedding on the 29th?
I also dig the worshipping on Saturdays at 11am. No one wants their Sunday hangover/football interrupted for church. I'm pretty sure that's the way God intended it…
C'mon, you know they are not smoking Camel non-filters there!
"Pastor Manning, Warner Brothers is on the line. Something about a new voice for Foghorn Leghorn."
Well, it's official – fundywacko religion makes black people as crazy as white people.
Speaking of strange bedfellows, for the past couple of years Louis Farrakhan has required all Nation of Islam employees and local leaders to take (and of course pay for) Scientology™ courses. (Source: Janet Reitman's recent book "Inside Scientology")
Our Mission was given immediate focus on the 14th September 1991, when the Lord Jesus Christ in a vision during prayer, instructed Pastor Manning to change the name of Harlem, (The world’s most famous ghetto) from Harlem, to, ATLAH: ALL THE LAND ANOINTED HOLY.
I dunno. "Harlem" is catchier
Also, I'm pretty sure the world's most famous ghetto was in Poland.
But the original was in Rome.
This name-change from a guy from
CanaanJudahIsraelJudahIsraelJudea.ALL THE LAND ANOINTED HOLY Globetrotters just doesn't sound right…
"And the Meadowlark shall lay down with the lamb."
This is what we get from NY instead of pictures of nude Wonkettes cavorting in some west side bar, as promised but yet to be delivered? I'm calling bullshit.
Maybe Perry and he could tag team Satan together.
Well, he seems nice.
In a cross the street when you see him coming kind of way.
Wonkette superoperative
Do "superoperatives" get to wear a cape?
Oh I fucking hope so.
I told the Mesopotamians that this whole Manichean good/bad light/dark thing wasn't going to end well, but did they listen?
How come I never get credit, the various times that I've sent this guy in as a tip? Is it because I'm not hott and british like LimeyLizzie?
Racists.
Because you've never crashed at LL's apartment?
That could be so.
You are hot and brown like a delicious cup of cocoa.
Plus this church is about 3 blocks from my apartment.
Well, you know what that means. Elocution lessons from Michael Caine.
Sounds like SOMEONE is secretly jealous of Barry…
I bet they have an awesome choir though.
I'm sure His High Hokiness would agree with me that NASA should be abolished, because one of these days — and yea verily and a bottle of rum that day will be soon — a rocket is going to hit the canopy of stars and send them all crashing to earth and kill the first born sons, which would be nothing less than a cosmic abortion.
Shit fire and save matches! Thanks so much for reminding me of local has-been fuckwad Bob Barr. He can pass the brown bag test with flying colors, but that face still gives him away. Ten pounds of asshole stuffed in a five-pound bag.
Will these 53%ers never learn to keep their traps shut?
In a word: NO.
Looks like Stanley from The Office is moonlighting as an asshole preacher. No pretzel day for him.
if satan has enemies like this guy and rick perry, i'm all for satan.
It's Uncle Ruckus (no relation)!
Is there a hate so heavy that even the good lord can't lift it?
Pastor Manning, Terry Jones called. He wants his irrational hate back.
After scanning just a couple of Manning's videos, I have to wonder if there's a Thorazine shortage in this country.
Both, based on Baldar
Disagree.
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