could use more cheech too

Watch Mexican Mormons Complain About Being Murdered All The Time Constantly By The Cartels

Dead pussyTime for your newest Vice video, Wonkers! There are four more before you are done forever. Which part will you whine about this time? (The hipster. You will whine about the hipster like you did in Part One and Part Two.)

Feels like this one could use some Titty Twister and/or Queen of the Dead, but it does move the plot forward.

[Vice]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • ChernobylSoup

    If I watch all seven of these do I get a Salma Hayeck?

    • LibertyLover

      I think you get a set of "shot" glasses.

      • TribecaMike

        The best binoculars ever.

  • PsycWench

    Apparently the "Titty Twister" is staffed entirely by vampires.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      ftw. You get the booby prize Psyc!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So, tits or GTFO?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Damn Cheech Marin for making that the meet-up spot. Clooney almost got kilt.

    • TribecaMike

      Yes, but watching Salma Hayek twirl her tassels every night more than makes up for eternal damnation.

  • Beowoof

    Well shouldn't they call in Zorro to defend them. Makes about as much sense as the rest of the bullshit they believe.

  • Baconzgood

    The last one was disturbing. I'm not sure I wanna watch this.

    • sewollef

      No bodies in this one… you're clear.

  • SorosBot

    Needs more Don Johnson, Philip Michael Thomas and pastel suits.

    • chicken_thief

      Complete with Don Henley nauseating theme music?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Jan Hammer.

        Glenn Frye had that one hideous song

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Don't forget Phil Collins and his annoying gated percussion that plagued pop music for a decade.

          • SorosBot

            Gah Collins sucks horribly; really all the mellow pop music of the 80s did.

          • FakaktaSouth

            prommie comes over here and starts defending Phil Collins and we are gonna have to whoop him, you hear? Guy's got some weirdness about him.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Who? Phil "Lemme me fax you my divorce request, baby" Collins or Prommie?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Yes. Just, yes.
            Phil is tiny and terrible though. Prom's just got some abhorrent musical taste, like Bongos and shit, but he does know a fuckload about the subject.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Drummers should never be allowed to sing.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I saw Keith Moon (on youtubes, not at my house like I wish, obvs, even zombie Keith Moon) singing Barbra Ann the other day and he kicked ass, cause he was faking falsetto. He's really my only one though, except Octopus' Garden, Ringo kills me. So how about un-funny-taking themselves seriously drummers should not sing? I'll totally go along with that.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I'll agree with you, but only because you can put your feet behind your head.

          • FakaktaSouth

            You might not be surprised just how often I DO get my way like that.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            KAREN CARPENTER LIBEL!!!!!!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Henley's a-ight. So's Grohl. I might add, McCartney's current drummer sings backup vox as well.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Sorry, but unless you can put your feet behind your head I am going to have to disagree.

            You too actor.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Can I total a car to do it?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            So if I change my avatar to Gabby Douglas, you will be my willing lackey?

          • FakaktaSouth

            I forgot about Dave, now that he's a guitar guy mostly. But oh heck yeah he can shout sing beautifully.

          • delaney_blom

            Levon Helm was not only allowed to sing, he had to sing "The Weight" and "Dixie Down" so it sounded more authentic.

          • commiegirl99

            LEVON HELM LIBEL!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            I've said it before and I'll say it again. Damn you Phil Collins!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Isn't Titty Twister the new name for Chuli's, where Not Jenna Bush was arrested?

    • johnnymeatworth

      "Chuy's," the Barton Springs location. Not Jenna AND Not Barbara got busted there….
      http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2001-05-3

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Those people ought to learn American and call it Chuli's

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Yer not from around here, is ya? Damn Yankees!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Isn't today 'talk like a hipster day', or some such shit?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

      No, it be Talk Like A Pirate Day, boy-o.

    • Baconzgood

      I was talking like a hipster before it was cool.

      • chicken_thief

        Dood…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          A little too Ironic.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        i was talking like a pirate before it was cool.

        oh. wait…

    • Toomush_Infer

      Righteous….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wish I was in
    Tijuana
    Eating barbecued iguana.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I'd take requests on the telephone

    • eggsacklywright

      Dog bless Stanard Ridgeway. He's still making tunes.

      • prommie

        Just drive.

    • mrpuma2u

      Can't understand just what did he say?

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      O.K., ya got me.

      I'm playing it.
      ~

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyX

    I still miss Kingpin. Might've been the last time I enjoyed network-provided — as well as controversial-content-launched and soon thereafter snuf'd out — television drama.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ol' Jose "El Rikin" (what does that mean?) Escajeda, High-Ranking Boss of the Juarez Cartel, looks to be about 22 years old and also looks like he has a touch of the Down's-brush. I guess all the older cartelistas have slaughtered each other?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sorta looks like "Ol' Jerkin'" when your write it that way.

  • chicken_thief

    What's worse than a tornado? – a TITTIE TWISTER!!!!!

    I feel like I'm in 3rd grade again….

    • BaldarTFlagass

      OUCH! I'm gonna tell the teacher.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Did you get a purple nurple?

        • prommie

          Just leave my purple toupee alone.

          • AddHomonym

            I remember the year I went to camp …

          • prommie

            Someone stuck their finger in the president's ear, and just a few months later they came out with Johnson's wax!

  • midnighttoker69

    I am totally digging these. I can't wait to see how he connects all this to Romney.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Well, obviously, if people are getting hacked, Romney only cares about the percent of the remaining body that can vote for him.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That would be the 53%, right?

      • midnighttoker69

        but since they are Mexican citizens, they can't vote … oh … wait … nevermind

  • Oblios_Cap

    So even our Mexican brethern despise Joseph Smith's brood?

    • no_gravity

      I think they call them Espalda Mojada.

    • TribecaMike

      The priests weren't happy see the boys leave.

  • Misty Malarky
    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Chicken!!!1!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That's stretching a point.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Wow, there are going to be some really pissed off fat white folks.

      • ph7

        Don;t worry – nothing soothes that rage like supersized portions of factory chicken boiled in grease.

    • prommie

      Fag-lovers! That means they're gay!

      • Toomush_Infer

        Good to know – I thought it meant they were secret, behind the garbage can, cigarette junkies….

    • PsycWench

      I have a few relatives that are weeping in distress right now. The kind of distress caused when you find out that most people disagree with you.

    • Serolf_Divad

      YES, beyotches! We won!

  • prommie

    I just changed my gravatar! Or tried to, I am so excited, its like going out in a fancy new outfit for the first time! Someone tell me it worked, I can't tell if it worked!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Is it an X ray of a broken fibia?

      • prommie

        Tibia, my man! A nailed, fixed oblique fracture. Its my very own and I am very proud of it.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Fucking obamacare. You should be forced to live gimpy for the rest of your life. And maybe get gangrene.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            In a Romney Amercia, he'd be staked out for vultures to peck at.

          • HistoriCat

            Let him die!!!1!1!

          • prommie

            True story, when, in the hospital, I told them that yes, indeed, I had insurance, real live Blue Cross or whatever the name is now, a change came over the faces of all the hospital staff, and they all bowed to me as if the messiah had returned. Nothing that was demanded was denied thenceforth. But I am still trying to figure out whether they went with stainless or titanium, if I knew at the time, I would have insisted on titanium, doncha know.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Phhht. With actual insurance you shoulda got the gold plated, diamond encrusted pin in your leg. Medical bling is the new thing that I just made up.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            And a blow job. You should always get a blow job if you have insurance.

          • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

            you can always ask the tsa.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          TIB FIB! CHEM PANEL! GSW! SUBDURAL HEMATOMA! BAG HIM! CLEAR!! Flyin' the gurney down the hall and smashing through doors, like Clooney and Julianna Margulies! I love playing doctor.

          • prommie

            It was fucking dramatic, you got the scene pretty close, except for all the cops taking my statement at the same time. And two liters of cold fucking saline because my blood pressure fell to shit and damn I got cold and just cried for blankets and morphine. And miss knowledge-absorber there just fascinated watching all the cutting and stitching going on.

          • emmelemm

            I think I missed the original story (although I did see the NAILING VIDEO, thanks)…

            So there was some sort of dramatic incident that led to this hobbling, not merely the degeneration and humiliation of age?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            In honor of your new avatar, Mr. Tibs:
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGi-VHwJ8os

            Both the bass and horn lines are INSANE.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Miss Knowledge-Absorbers one AND two were RAPT. It was, let's say, shockingly interesting. And you did not cry, come on now, you just whined some, and made fun of everyone and everything, and we got real good at being stared at and and having to be seen as the "WHO and WHAT and WHY" of it alllllll. Such is life.

          • prommie

            We have us a great story, and if we could get through that, we are golden.

        • TribecaMike

          Sleek.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I still think that looks like an album cover or super-villain leotard chest insignia. Nice legs.

      • prommie

        yes, the insignia for my superhero alter-ego, The Hobbler! When the bad guys see me hobbling their way, they will know they have a few minutes to finish up before I get there!

        • FakaktaSouth

          Wait, wouldn't that actually make you The Hobbled? Hobbler sounds like you would actually do this to someone else.
          I still like Hopalong, or what about THE CANE! ? Like, in all caps, it's more crusher and less old guy. Maybe?
          Just stick with the Colonel, it works.

          • prommie

            As you wish, General.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I am Naked Squirrel. That is also my radio handle.
            Over and out.

          • prommie

            Holy shit does that mean what I think it means? Man thats too much.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            It means whatever you want it to mean. That's the beauty of it.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        I thought it was was one of those triple-blade razor do-hickeys.
        (Gotta get my glasses changed!)

    • Jus_Wonderin

      It did work. I can't think of abandoning Nipper.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Right? Killy, the Rapture-Avenging Cat, is like my alter ego. I could never swap him out.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Though, for a small rehoming fee…………………

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You have just crushed all the dudes who were following you because they thought you were an '80s starlet.

      • prommie

        I always got more dudes who knew damn well I was a dude, actually.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Haha, she's still a starlet on my computer; no change yet. *fapfapfap*

        • prommie

          I think you can get "Up The Creek" on netflix on demand. She's the only female in the movie who does not show her tits. A classy lady, she is!

    • Steverino247

      Great! It doesn't make your ass look fat or anything!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, fatTER, you mean.

        • prommie

          I'll have you know that you could bounce a quarter off my taut little buns. Well, not YOU per se, but it could be done. Well, at least before this period of incapacitation. Oh fuck, who am I kidding.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            I am of the age that if someone tried to bounce a quarter off my buns, it would break. Or, I'd break a hip.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Hipster!!

    • Redgyal

      It worked.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    made it to 1:60.

    Local telling the story….
    "he [victims BIL] came over here, literally in sandals…."

    Our hero….
    "So he shows up barefoot….."

    • Toomush_Infer

      cacti…..

  • no_gravity

    The Messicans don't like the LDS around because the self-righteousness is harshin' their buzz.

  • mrpuma2u

    Even with a picture of a nudie bar, finding this hard to fap along with.

  • MoeDeLawn

    not exactly it, but actually better, would be Ry Cooder's "Music" which has songs and soundtracks. There was one part where I thought it might be him, but it wasn't..

  • hagajim

    I haven't had much to say today….and this doesn't help.

    • proudgrampa

      I'm like you, Jim. I attribute it to exhaustion and sensory overload.

  • sbj1964

    To be in the LDS it helps if your on LSD.That way it does not seem as stupid.

  • MissTaken

    Maybe the Mormon Mexicans should sew hoodies to their magical underroos to protect from beheadings.

    • SorosBot

      Now the image of Mormons in their suits with hoodies has got me giggling.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    have we fried your very last nerve yet mom?

  • LibertyLover

    Where are the cliff notes?

  • TribecaMike

    © William S. Burroughs

  • Antispandex

    This is NEVER going to win an Emmy or anything, but it makes me want to have a couple of Pacificos and some carne asada tacos….not sure why.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Which part will you whine about this time?"

    I think I will whine about the part where it's been almost two hours since this was posted and no new posts.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyX

      Maybe our Editrix has been taken hostage… by a piARRRRRRate!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I know. I am shaking and sweating. Loud noise make me bolt. I am hearing voices. I can't handle this. I just can't. I won't.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'm listening to Michael Jackson albums

        OHGOD! PLEASE POST SOMETHING!!!!!!!

        • emmelemm

          I'm almost actually doing some work! Heaven help me!

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyX

          I can't view any videos here at work… I tried linking for a written description of this one… but the host page offers none, it doens't serve the imagination well.. kind of like reading a transcript of Jerky Boys' schtick instead of listening to the real thing.

  • MistaEko

    Polygamous Sect vs. Cartels

    Intrade is no longer taking bets on this contest.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Any one have a fix for the script error thing? Do I need to talk to my network admin?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I had that happen at my home computer last night and this morning. I'm not having any trouble with my work computer. I wonder wtf is up.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Hmmmm. I didn't check the site at home. It is sure annoying here. Cutting down on my Wonkette productivity.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        At my job, I get a passel of exception errors because our firewall blocks TMZ.com. No explanation, and it's not like I can't get other popular entertainment-based sites. So I'm guessing at my end, the TMZ video of Eastwood is sort of creating anaphylactic shock in my firewall

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Really weird.

    • commiegirl99

      Can you send a screenshot please, also browser etc?

  • Trinket

    I like the hipster.

  • Katydid

    NEEDZ MOAR BEHEADINGS!!!

  • MistaEko

    Poison the Tequila, morans!

    /Gus Fring'd

  • Misty Malarky

    ¡Ay, caramba!

    Well, this clarifies Romney's doubling down on his asshat comments and that cold hard killer look in his eyes: he comes from a long line of expiación de sangre asesinos.

    Oh, Mitty! Chu gots some 'splainin to do!

  • TribecaMike

    We're all parasites now. And proud of it.

    [Hey, didja know you can thumbs up yourself — no, not in that way (yet), perv — when not logged on? Sweet.]

  • An_Outhouse

    Mormons are allowed to say "stupid shit"? I can't figure who is who. They all look like illegals to me.

  • Ansnarkist

    Can I make a Breaking Bad joke?

    No, I can't.

  • Redgyal

    Just an observation, but I am willing to bet that these people didn't care much about the violence as long as it stayed outside of their community. Their anger is coming more from the fact that the someone dared to attack one of them than it does from the fact that innocent lives have been taken by evil men.

  • ttommyunger

    Obviously they are part of the 47%, so who cares?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    What's going on with that neon sign's face? Faceless isn't sexy, regardless of how swirly its rack is.

  • sailingthestyx

    good video series…thanks; asshat comments make me want to refrain from Wonkette for stretches of time to get away from the high school kids…yeah, yeah; I know…if I don't like the comments don't read them…I keep hoping that Wonkette will wander back to where it was a while back…bring back Anna Marie Cox to spank the current crew. Too cute by half.

  • DahBoner

    Apparently there's a Titty Twister bar in Thailand, too.

    It's just a lot smaller.

    //rimshot