could use more cheech too

Watch Mexican Mormons Complain About Being Murdered All The Time Constantly By The Cartels

Dead pussyTime for your newest Vice video, Wonkers! There are four more before you are done forever. Which part will you whine about this time? (The hipster. You will whine about the hipster like you did in Part One and Part Two.)

Feels like this one could use some Titty Twister and/or Queen of the Dead, but it does move the plot forward.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Beowoof

    Well shouldn't they call in Zorro to defend them. Makes about as much sense as the rest of the bullshit they believe.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            prommie comes over here and starts defending Phil Collins and we are gonna have to whoop him, you hear? Guy's got some weirdness about him.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            Yes. Just, yes.
            Phil is tiny and terrible though. Prom's just got some abhorrent musical taste, like Bongos and shit, but he does know a fuckload about the subject.

          3. FakaktaSouth

            I saw Keith Moon (on youtubes, not at my house like I wish, obvs, even zombie Keith Moon) singing Barbra Ann the other day and he kicked ass, cause he was faking falsetto. He's really my only one though, except Octopus' Garden, Ringo kills me. So how about un-funny-taking themselves seriously drummers should not sing? I'll totally go along with that.

          4. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Sorry, but unless you can put your feet behind your head I am going to have to disagree.

            You too actor.

          5. FakaktaSouth

            I forgot about Dave, now that he's a guitar guy mostly. But oh heck yeah he can shout sing beautifully.

          6. delaney_blom

            Levon Helm was not only allowed to sing, he had to sing "The Weight" and "Dixie Down" so it sounded more authentic.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Ol' Jose "El Rikin" (what does that mean?) Escajeda, High-Ranking Boss of the Juarez Cartel, looks to be about 22 years old and also looks like he has a touch of the Down's-brush. I guess all the older cartelistas have slaughtered each other?

          1. prommie

            Someone stuck their finger in the president's ear, and just a few months later they came out with Johnson's wax!

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Well, obviously, if people are getting hacked, Romney only cares about the percent of the remaining body that can vote for him.

    1. PsycWench

      I have a few relatives that are weeping in distress right now. The kind of distress caused when you find out that most people disagree with you.

  3. prommie

    I just changed my gravatar! Or tried to, I am so excited, its like going out in a fancy new outfit for the first time! Someone tell me it worked, I can't tell if it worked!

        1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Fucking obamacare. You should be forced to live gimpy for the rest of your life. And maybe get gangrene.

          1. prommie

            True story, when, in the hospital, I told them that yes, indeed, I had insurance, real live Blue Cross or whatever the name is now, a change came over the faces of all the hospital staff, and they all bowed to me as if the messiah had returned. Nothing that was demanded was denied thenceforth. But I am still trying to figure out whether they went with stainless or titanium, if I knew at the time, I would have insisted on titanium, doncha know.

          2. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Phhht. With actual insurance you shoulda got the gold plated, diamond encrusted pin in your leg. Medical bling is the new thing that I just made up.

        2. Chet Kincaid_

          TIB FIB! CHEM PANEL! GSW! SUBDURAL HEMATOMA! BAG HIM! CLEAR!! Flyin' the gurney down the hall and smashing through doors, like Clooney and Julianna Margulies! I love playing doctor.

          1. prommie

            It was fucking dramatic, you got the scene pretty close, except for all the cops taking my statement at the same time. And two liters of cold fucking saline because my blood pressure fell to shit and damn I got cold and just cried for blankets and morphine. And miss knowledge-absorber there just fascinated watching all the cutting and stitching going on.

          2. emmelemm

            I think I missed the original story (although I did see the NAILING VIDEO, thanks)…

            So there was some sort of dramatic incident that led to this hobbling, not merely the degeneration and humiliation of age?

          3. FakaktaSouth

            Miss Knowledge-Absorbers one AND two were RAPT. It was, let's say, shockingly interesting. And you did not cry, come on now, you just whined some, and made fun of everyone and everything, and we got real good at being stared at and and having to be seen as the "WHO and WHAT and WHY" of it alllllll. Such is life.

      1. prommie

        yes, the insignia for my superhero alter-ego, The Hobbler! When the bad guys see me hobbling their way, they will know they have a few minutes to finish up before I get there!

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Wait, wouldn't that actually make you The Hobbled? Hobbler sounds like you would actually do this to someone else.
          I still like Hopalong, or what about THE CANE! ? Like, in all caps, it's more crusher and less old guy. Maybe?
          Just stick with the Colonel, it works.

        1. prommie

          I think you can get "Up The Creek" on netflix on demand. She's the only female in the movie who does not show her tits. A classy lady, she is!

        1. prommie

          I'll have you know that you could bounce a quarter off my taut little buns. Well, not YOU per se, but it could be done. Well, at least before this period of incapacitation. Oh fuck, who am I kidding.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            I am of the age that if someone tried to bounce a quarter off my buns, it would break. Or, I'd break a hip.

  4. Blueb4sinrise

    made it to 1:60.

    Local telling the story….
    "he [victims BIL] came over here, literally in sandals…."

    Our hero….
    "So he shows up barefoot….."

  5. MoeDeLawn

    not exactly it, but actually better, would be Ry Cooder's "Music" which has songs and soundtracks. There was one part where I thought it might be him, but it wasn't..

  6. Antispandex

    This is NEVER going to win an Emmy or anything, but it makes me want to have a couple of Pacificos and some carne asada tacos….not sure why.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    "Which part will you whine about this time?"

    I think I will whine about the part where it's been almost two hours since this was posted and no new posts.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I know. I am shaking and sweating. Loud noise make me bolt. I am hearing voices. I can't handle this. I just can't. I won't.

        1. MumbletyX

          I can't view any videos here at work… I tried linking for a written description of this one… but the host page offers none, it doens't serve the imagination well.. kind of like reading a transcript of Jerky Boys' schtick instead of listening to the real thing.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I had that happen at my home computer last night and this morning. I'm not having any trouble with my work computer. I wonder wtf is up.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Hmmmm. I didn't check the site at home. It is sure annoying here. Cutting down on my Wonkette productivity.

      2. actor212

        At my job, I get a passel of exception errors because our firewall blocks No explanation, and it's not like I can't get other popular entertainment-based sites. So I'm guessing at my end, the TMZ video of Eastwood is sort of creating anaphylactic shock in my firewall

  8. Misty Malarky

    ¡Ay, caramba!

    Well, this clarifies Romney's doubling down on his asshat comments and that cold hard killer look in his eyes: he comes from a long line of expiación de sangre asesinos.

    Oh, Mitty! Chu gots some 'splainin to do!

  9. TribecaMike

    We're all parasites now. And proud of it.

    [Hey, didja know you can thumbs up yourself — no, not in that way (yet), perv — when not logged on? Sweet.]

  10. An_Outhouse

    Mormons are allowed to say "stupid shit"? I can't figure who is who. They all look like illegals to me.

  11. Redgyal

    Just an observation, but I am willing to bet that these people didn't care much about the violence as long as it stayed outside of their community. Their anger is coming more from the fact that the someone dared to attack one of them than it does from the fact that innocent lives have been taken by evil men.

  12. sailingthestyx

    good video series…thanks; asshat comments make me want to refrain from Wonkette for stretches of time to get away from the high school kids…yeah, yeah; I know…if I don't like the comments don't read them…I keep hoping that Wonkette will wander back to where it was a while back…bring back Anna Marie Cox to spank the current crew. Too cute by half.

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