SADZ  11:54 am September 19, 2012

Mitt Romney Stared Into the Abyss

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


It welled up inside him, this tinny emotion. (They had built “emotions” into him, so he would be the perfect robot son for a childless human mother, but they had fucked it up, the circuits or whatever were switched.) She had gone, and he was alone for eternity. And what erupted in his switched circuits or whatever in his infinite sadness was “Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.” They didn’t even get the laugh right, because all the engineers were on some awesome Future Drug like in Philip K. Dick or whatever, and they could only see in fractals.

[DissociativePress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 200 comments }

nounverb911 September 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

"Hey Abyss!"
–Lou Costello

Terry September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

How's the wife and kids?

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

THIRD BASE.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Susquehana Hat

nounverb911 September 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Niagara Falls?

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm
actor212 September 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

Are we serializing this, Editrix?

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Do they finally get to the boinking in part 3?

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Unless there are sparkly vampires about to show up, I sure think so

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Sheldon Adelson may appear in the Romney Diaries III, a vampire, yes, but not sparkly.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

That movie really disappointed me.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

Maybe if Michael Bay can do a quick edit…

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

James Cameron would probably object.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Oh, you meant the actual "The Abyss"?

Oh, yea. That could have been much better. It was never sure if it wanted to be a horror film or "ET Meets The Deep Blue Sea"

Maman September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

James O'Keefe couldn't fix that crap

chicken_thief September 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Bad as a Sam Bacile movie?

missemish September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

Wonkette has maybe mistaken the antifreeze for fruit punch…. cheers!

CrunchyKnee September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

If by "jokester", you mean a "spiteful entitled dick", then sure, I buy that.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

*sigh*

How I remember that innocent moment when Mitt attempted to exchange long protein strands with Rick Perry's shoulder under the guise of "a bet".

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

The craigslist personals are just full of surprises, aren't they?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 19, 2012 at 11:59 am

The Abyss. Is that what Mitt calls Ann's lady parts?

sudsmckenzie September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

He stared into the abyss, and saw a blah President staring back.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I made it to about 1:20. This guy is even more contrived than W was. He's like that dickhead lieutenant Bruno Kirby played in Good Morning Vietnam. "I know funny!"

Maman September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Now I haz a sad for Bruno.

HogeyeGrex September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I made it to 3:12 and now I just want to void my bowels.

How did this guy even manage to win the primary? Christ, what an absurdly contrived douche. Everything about him screams "asshole." He's just one giant, head-to-toe sphincter.

Good Lord, the debates are going to be a bloodbath.

ph7 September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Sock it to me!

commiegirl99 September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Sock it … to ME?

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

(Ruth Buzzi assaults Mittens with her purse)

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

And while Nixon softened his image with the Laugh-In appearance, Romney said he will not cameo on Saturday Night Live like every other recent Presidential nominee.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

What in blazes would you know about Laugh-In?!

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I'm a total Nixon & Watergate history buff.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Dressing up as a Cuban and reenacting the break-in and the whole nine yards? D.C. scavenger hunts dressed as Woodward or Bernstein?

PinkoPopulist September 19, 2012 at 12:01 pm

So just general conservative fan fic?

Sue4466 September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Well, sure, when you put all together like that, he looks like a humorless smug socially awkward tool.

smashedinhat September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

The MittenBot 2012 v.xxx is actually just the CartridgeBot with a cheap coat of paint, forever peeling. Actually he's more like a boat anchor, but whatever.

SayItWithWookies September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

This is what you get when you pay people to say you're funny.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Funny how? Funny like a clown?

SayItWithWookies September 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I don't know. I don't think anybody knows, actually.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Not funny ha-ha. Funny peculiar.

Exhausted66 September 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Weird how someone who's only ever been the boss has a skewed sense of his own senso of humor. "Everybody laughs, I must be hilarious."

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Oh, I can totally get how that happens. My boss tells some of the worst jokes and I have to smile and chuckle, and then after the meeting, I go puke my guts out because I feel so self-defeated.

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I just smile painfully.

It might explain why I rarely get promoted.

HistoriCat September 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

If you can learn to lie well and say, "that's a great idea boss!" you will go far.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That worked real well for Mr. Burns' investments in the stock market.

NellCote71 September 19, 2012 at 1:12 pm

My boss keeps saying that he has such a dry sense of humor that most people don't get it.

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. "My" people avoiding taxes in the Cayman Islands. I watched Ferraris glitter in the dark in my car elevator. All those moments will be lost in time… like dog diarrhea in wind… Time to Derp.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

The video was released… and a hundred Republican candidates and pundits came out… and they ate him.

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

The derp that burns twice as bright burns for half as long

CarnyTrash September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mitt?

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY MOTHER???!!!????"

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Because he doesn't want to make the tortoise dependent on outside help.

CarnyTrash September 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Do tortoise have boot-straps?

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Only when the hare is closing in.

superdave September 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

God I love a good Voight-Kampff reference. #IMAHUGEFUCKINGNERD

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"That Hurt!"

GeorgiaBurning September 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

All that programming wasted; Mittens still can't get too far into the Voight-Kampff test

DerrickWildcat September 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

YAY!

Blueb4sinrise September 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Is this the latest Hipster in Mexico video?

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

GET TO THE SEXY PART ALREADY!

DaveJ September 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Sorry, you already had a chance with Walnuts in 2008, and you BLEW it!

PinkoPopulist September 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Where does the "abyss" fall in the Book of Mormon? Is that after the magic underwear and before the temple of doom?

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The gold-plated Joseph spake unto the Great Salt Lake Snakes. And then the spiders came.

StarsUponThars September 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Mitt is funny! I've been laughing my ass off all week.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Pull my finger. Ha ha.

Sue4466 September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Betcha he's gone beyond "gosh" and "golly" this week.

GeorgiaMike September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Godfrey Daniels!

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Rumour has it a "gosh darn" slipped out.

Sharkey September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Heavens to Mergatroid!

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Oh, fudge.

[I don't think he's allowed to say p**p]

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Gol' dang, consarn wiggits.

Graham Cracker September 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Watch your mouths! This is a family (values) blog.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Great Caesar's Balls Ghost!!

sbj1964 September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Tears of a clown.Mitt likes to hold his ear up to Ann's ear says he can hear the ocean.

Doktor Zoom September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

JESUS CHRIST THAT LAUGH!!!!!!!

Kid_Charlemagne September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

In Salt Lake City no one can hear you scream.

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

rMoney's gaffes are "just the right size."

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I think Mitt has been cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Chichikovovich September 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

He flip-flopped on the "What is your favorite color" question.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Which is weird, because you'd think he could answer "Gold" with no trouble.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

You know who else "stared into an abyss"?

Kid_Charlemagne September 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Laura Bush?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I know David Lee Roth did. There he stood, and looked down. Ya know he lost a lot of friends there, baby. He's got no time to mess around.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Ed Harris?

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Gozer? No no no… I got it: Vigo The Carpathian?

OKthennext September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Gandalf?

SayItWithWookies September 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Peter Abelard? Oh no, wait — he stared into an abbess.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Aw, Helloise no!

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Scritti Politti libel!

Chichikovovich September 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

It takes some balls to post that here.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Nietzsche?

Not_Mother September 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Bud Fox?

calliecallie September 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

James Cameron?

chicken_thief September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Glenn Rice?

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Boba Fett?

cheetojeebus September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Wile E. Coyote

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Garcia Lopez de Cardenas?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Canyon

PinkoPopulist September 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Joseph Smith?

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

No, he stared into his hat.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Clint Eastwood?

BTWBFDIMHO September 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

The pilot of the Enola Gay?

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

He's got all the natural human charm of Richard Nixon. Thats saying something, man.

Kid_Charlemagne September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

At least Richard Nixon was a football fan. Even Hunter S. Thompson gave him credit for that. I wonder what HST would say about Mittens. Too bad he is not around.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Just read what Fakakta says about Romney, thats what HST would say. She channels him, the same just with a lovely accent.

FakaktaSouth September 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

You know you are crazy, yes? I am quite sure at this point. I ALREADY SAID I love you – HST aside. But you know, outpourings of maddening stream of consciousness swearing is a real thing too, baby.

You think I have an accent? Dang.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Though this be madness, yet there is method in't. And I said it first, so go on now with that claiming to be the prescient one.

chicken_thief September 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"Too bad he is not around. "

Which one – Mittens or HST?

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I bet Checkers rode inside the car, tho

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Nixon fucking HATED the rich entitled fucks like Romney, he really did, like an obsession, its the one thing I actually love about Nixon, he did fucking despise the entitled inheritor douchefucks like Romney. Oh, he would just despise Romney. Nixon might could hate Romney worse than HST. He wouldn't say it as funny, though.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

But he'd probably use just as many or more expletives deleted.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Nah, listen to the tapes, Nixon was a lame-ass swearer even totally awake and with his eyes open. Nixon was pretty formulaic, like "that (insert ethnic slur) Cocksucker." Like Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood.

chicken_thief September 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

If Nixon was still around, Mitten's 1040's going back to 2000 would be public knowledge by now.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Thats just beautifu man. Yup, that was Nixon.

FakaktaSouth September 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Did you hear what this fucking guy did to the french talking? i am not having that. He may think he can say whatever he wants to about my fellow Americans and believe we will take it, and like it (I actually now believe he is wrong about that) and i can shake my head and know this, but DO NOT FUCK with my French. I would (tacky threat with votes deleted) his dumb ass just for THIS when he comes here to Evil-wrong-and-stupid-ville to run his head, and you know he will. You just FUCKING KNOW IT.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 1:22 pm

You know how mangled my frainglese is, this makes me ascared.

rickmaci September 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I worked for Richard Nixon (long story, sigh). I met Richard Nixon. Believe me, Twitt Romoney is no Richard Nixon.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Did Oliver Stone get it?

rickmaci September 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Ron Howard. Frost/Nixon.

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Since Baconz isn't here this morning, I'll go ahead and say this for him:

I find this difficult to masturbate to.

mrpuma2u September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

seconded.

a_pink_poodle September 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It's like that scene in Star Trek Generations where Data laughs too hard!

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Whatever you do, don't mention "Ferengi in a gorilla suit" to him before a debate!

mrblifil September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I kind of get the sense he maybe doesn't actually think that places like Iowa are all that great.

Lascauxcaveman September 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

B-b-but the corn is just right height!

Hammiepants September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hahaha, Mittens thinks Letterman hates him because he's been on Leno more than on his show. Silly wabbit, Letterman hates him because he is a humourless automaton who kills love and laughter with his pitiless inhuman gaze.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Also, Leno sucks. This point can't be repeated enough.

SayItWithWookies September 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

They probably got their car elevators from the same place.

FlownOver September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Stand by for a whole lot of Top Ten lists.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It's entirely possible that Letterman hates Mitt… you know, like everyone else who's ever met him.

Schmannnity September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

It just dawned on me: Mitt doesn't have a great sense of humor–Ann has a shitty sense of humor.

Lucidamente1 September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

53% of the time he's dickish; the other 47% just clueless.

Crank_Tango September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

…as in this sliced turkey breast smells "funny."

no_gravity September 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"I like spontaneous humor. Like one time, there was this guy who's hairstyle I didn't agree with, so I took out my lucky scissors and cut it. Fifty years later and I'm still laughing over that one."

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

But The Abyss is the Cameron movie about the underwater intelligent species (not aliens, they're also from Earth), not one of the ones about the robots disguised as humans.

cromiller September 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human… sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him.

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Do Romneys dream of anything, or do they just kind of close their eyes and mentally count their moneys while feigning unconsciousness?

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Elected sheep

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Thanks to a tasteful interior decorator, they're eclectic sheep.

BeefHardcake September 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Along with their lesser-known but more boring brothers, the didactic sheep.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Abyssmal.

Tequila Mockingbird September 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

This campaign is really taking a toll on Mitt's appearance. He looks like Benjamin Button when he was six.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Even the second Terminator eventually learned "vhy you cry", but the Mittbot seems incapable of such sophisticated programming.

Wadisay September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

He's a lot more human and approachable when he's shaving the heads of Nancy-boys.

Chow Yun Flat September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

If Romney was an actual human person who could feel embarrassment/shame/chagrin I would feel uncomfortable for him while watching this. Since he isn't I just want to kick him.

StealthMuslin September 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

You will not make me pity him! You will NOT!!!

GunToting[Redacted] September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

This song is called "I am sad. So very, very sad."

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I had a schoolmate who was a jokester as well, he loved torturing animals, ridiculing poor people, and generally creeping everyone out. And he was really, really good at simulating human emotion.

An_Outhouse September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

The history of Mitt's political career – from DOS 1.0 to Windoze 8 Beta

MistaEko September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"Why was I programmed to feel pain?"

/Josh, you gotta call off this whole slashfic thing. Please.

weejee September 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

and que in 3, 2, 1

Noonington / Geller 2016

mrpuma2u September 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Staring at Mitt in the eyes is kinda like staring into the abyss…

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"MITT ROMNEY STARED INTO THE ABYSS"….The Abyss stared back and said: 'You sir, are fucked!"

mavenmaven September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The comforting thing is that hopefully, after November, we'll never have to hear that frightening laugh again. And let's hope Paul Ryan disappears with him down that abyss.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

And the Abyss stared back and laughed at his fucking lame loser losing lame dumbfuck ass.

mrblifil September 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

If they're not going to make with the tax returns, and then going to put us through this "campaign in a spiral" news cycle, the least they could do is secretly release some footage of he and Ann joylessly passionlessly desultorily stone-facedly fucking in one of their 9,439 palatial bedrooms. Then I'd feel like I could relate to him a bit.

FlownOver September 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

"The dog on my car roof has no nose!"

"No nose? How does he smell?"

"Like shit!"

HistoriCat September 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

It's Mitt Romney – there is NO sexy part!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

THEN WHY ARE WE READING THIS?

Sharkey September 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Here Comes Funny Boo Boo

calliecallie September 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Screw Mittens. I don't care.

But did you see the runner at the bottom of the screen about three minutes in that said production is delayed on the next Buffy the Vampier Slayer movie?

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 2:16 pm

jesus i was WONDERING what happened.

hagajim September 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Good lord, I couldn't even watch that all the way through. How fake and awkward can one guy be?

kittensdontlie September 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

The unbearable heaviness of Mitt's being, is from all the bad sh*t he has done to working folks and their families, for his own personal gain.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

The abyss is voting for Obama.

Steverino247 September 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Obviously because it's black in the abyss!

Kid_Charlemagne September 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

That's one of the things that separates our candidates from Mittens. Put Joe Biden in a crowd at a diner and in five minutes, he's feeling up a biker chick!

GeorgiaBurning September 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Put Romney in a crowd in a diner and in five minutes its an empty diner

neiltheblaze September 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Thing is, Mitt really hated it when the abyss stared back at him.

Steverino247 September 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

In a related story…

Guess who arranged for the hidden camera footage to be used against Mitt?
http://news.yahoo.com/carter-grandson-arranged-ro

Hahahahahaha!

Kid_Charlemagne September 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Cue James Brown's "The Payback"!

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Hey, I watched all the way through for the best line in it – the fadeout: "We've got some coffee for you, Governor…." Priceless….

notanncoulter September 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

This is what you get when you create a robot whose prime directive is to acquire and protect capital over all other concerns.
He's an arrogant entitled fuck that hates anyone not making him richer.
[did I say that out loud?]
His entire campaign is based on "I am entitled to this so it matters not how pathetic a campaign I run or that my initial instinct is to demean and belittle and insult anything and everything I see. Fuck 'em – this is mine to take and to hell with effort."

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Law 1: A Rombot may not injure his money or, through inaction, allow his money to come to harm.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"Emergency cancelation Archimedes."

notanncoulter September 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Anyone know the going rate for Corbomite?

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But here's my number, So call me, maybe?

May I call you, Abyss? Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

valgal2342 September 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

That horse just won't dance. (Yea, I stole that)

GeorgiaBurning September 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I really don't want that "Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha." anywhere near the big red button. But, he'd make a good villain on a Saturday morning cartoon.

Dumbedup September 19, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Did anyone notice at his press conference the other night there was a hair out of place on his head-unit assembly? I think he's feeling the black hole of ignominious failure pulling him in, and he can only keep running the same program.

notanncoulter September 19, 2012 at 12:58 pm

He's not just like a robot – he's more like an ALIEN robot with a remote control, but the wiring is faulty and sometimes these weird little short-circuits take place causing him to blurt out something from the alien's page of notes on how to pretend to be a human, but the writing is so hard to read that it comes out awkwardly and disconnected and out of sequence. I find him incredibly discomforting. I've never seen anyone so cringe inducing; other than Woody Allen in "Play It Again Sam", and that was at least intentionally funny.

cheetojeebus September 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Is this how Frankenstein's monster felt when everyone was upset he had thrown the little girl into the pond? After having watched her throw the flowers into the same pond? That sense of misunderstanding and the sadness of being unable to communicate? He just thought that's what you do with beautiful little things? So sad. I mean about the monster, not the mittster.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Now I get it! His campaigns have been a stealth reboot of "Third Rock From The Sun"!!

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Don't just stare at it, eat it!

LibrarianX September 19, 2012 at 1:37 pm

The only thing that makes Mitt sad: a Return on Investment that's less than 86%

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm

#WINNING

BTWBFDIMHO September 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Is that a preview of Innocence of the Mormons?

LibrarianX September 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Willard Romney: a pitiless quivering goo of blancmange.

FlownOver September 19, 2012 at 8:43 pm

From the planet Skyron in the Andromeda galaxy, I presume.

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 2:19 pm

henri, le chat noir is infinitely sadder.

also worth five minutes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U

schvitzatura September 19, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Politician Romney with your derp ideals
Have you no idea how humanity feels

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Ho.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Mittbot must be powered by a Drinky Bird CPU:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thu

Because every time he fucks up and says something stupid, he just dips his beak back down in The Stupid and gulps down some more…

FajitaFriday September 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

She was wearing the spiked vagina cage at the time with the remote control zapper. Of course she'd say he's funny.

ChickTract_Fil_A September 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Is there NO room quiet enough?

snarkusbachmann September 19, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I can't wait until he announces that his campaign for president was all just a five-year joke. PUNK'D, beeee-itches!

ChickTract_Fil_A September 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Nothing makes a robot look more human than digging it's own grave.

TribecaMike September 20, 2012 at 1:31 am

Just grab her tits, Mitt. The rest of the country wants to.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

NI-agara Falls!

Slowly I turned…..

GunToting[Redacted] September 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm

This explains my corporate stagnation.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 1:50 pm

This is Rmoney we're talking about, so: emetic sheep.

GunToting[Redacted] September 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Are you sure it's not herpetic sheep?

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