It welled up inside him, this tinny emotion. (They had built “emotions” into him, so he would be the perfect robot son for a childless human mother, but they had fucked it up, the circuits or whatever were switched.) She had gone, and he was alone for eternity. And what erupted in his switched circuits or whatever in his infinite sadness was “Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.” They didn’t even get the laugh right, because all the engineers were on some awesome Future Drug like in Philip K. Dick or whatever, and they could only see in fractals.
SADZ 11:54 am September 19, 2012
Mitt Romney Stared Into the Abyss
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"Hey Abyss!"
–Lou Costello
How's the wife and kids?
THIRD BASE.
Susquehana Hat
Niagara Falls?
My BONNIE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM7Wj7FVIoY
Are we serializing this, Editrix?
Do they finally get to the boinking in part 3?
Unless there are sparkly vampires about to show up, I sure think so
Sheldon Adelson may appear in the Romney Diaries III, a vampire, yes, but not sparkly.
That movie really disappointed me.
Maybe if Michael Bay can do a quick edit…
James Cameron would probably object.
Oh, you meant the actual "The Abyss"?
Oh, yea. That could have been much better. It was never sure if it wanted to be a horror film or "ET Meets The Deep Blue Sea"
James O'Keefe couldn't fix that crap
Bad as a Sam Bacile movie?
Wonkette has maybe mistaken the antifreeze for fruit punch…. cheers!
If by "jokester", you mean a "spiteful entitled dick", then sure, I buy that.
*sigh*
How I remember that innocent moment when Mitt attempted to exchange long protein strands with Rick Perry's shoulder under the guise of "a bet".
The craigslist personals are just full of surprises, aren't they?
The Abyss. Is that what Mitt calls Ann's lady parts?
He stared into the abyss, and saw a blah President staring back.
I made it to about 1:20. This guy is even more contrived than W was. He's like that dickhead lieutenant Bruno Kirby played in Good Morning Vietnam. "I know funny!"
Now I haz a sad for Bruno.
I made it to 3:12 and now I just want to void my bowels.
How did this guy even manage to win the primary? Christ, what an absurdly contrived douche. Everything about him screams "asshole." He's just one giant, head-to-toe sphincter.
Good Lord, the debates are going to be a bloodbath.
Sock it to me!
Sock it … to ME?
(Ruth Buzzi assaults Mittens with her purse)
And while Nixon softened his image with the Laugh-In appearance, Romney said he will not cameo on Saturday Night Live like every other recent Presidential nominee.
What in blazes would you know about Laugh-In?!
I'm a total Nixon & Watergate history buff.
Dressing up as a Cuban and reenacting the break-in and the whole nine yards? D.C. scavenger hunts dressed as Woodward or Bernstein?
So just general conservative fan fic?
Well, sure, when you put all together like that, he looks like a humorless smug socially awkward tool.
The MittenBot 2012 v.xxx is actually just the CartridgeBot with a cheap coat of paint, forever peeling. Actually he's more like a boat anchor, but whatever.
This is what you get when you pay people to say you're funny.
Funny how? Funny like a clown?
I don't know. I don't think anybody knows, actually.
Not funny ha-ha. Funny peculiar.
Weird how someone who's only ever been the boss has a skewed sense of his own senso of humor. "Everybody laughs, I must be hilarious."
Oh, I can totally get how that happens. My boss tells some of the worst jokes and I have to smile and chuckle, and then after the meeting, I go puke my guts out because I feel so self-defeated.
I just smile painfully.
It might explain why I rarely get promoted.
If you can learn to lie well and say, "that's a great idea boss!" you will go far.
That worked real well for Mr. Burns' investments in the stock market.
My boss keeps saying that he has such a dry sense of humor that most people don't get it.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. "My" people avoiding taxes in the Cayman Islands. I watched Ferraris glitter in the dark in my car elevator. All those moments will be lost in time… like dog diarrhea in wind… Time to Derp.
The video was released… and a hundred Republican candidates and pundits came out… and they ate him.
The derp that burns twice as bright burns for half as long
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mitt?
"LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY MOTHER???!!!????"
Because he doesn't want to make the tortoise dependent on outside help.
Do tortoise have boot-straps?
Only when the hare is closing in.
God I love a good Voight-Kampff reference. #IMAHUGEFUCKINGNERD
"That Hurt!"
All that programming wasted; Mittens still can't get too far into the Voight-Kampff test
YAY!
Is this the latest Hipster in Mexico video?
GET TO THE SEXY PART ALREADY!
Sorry, you already had a chance with Walnuts in 2008, and you BLEW it!
Where does the "abyss" fall in the Book of Mormon? Is that after the magic underwear and before the temple of doom?
The gold-plated Joseph spake unto the Great Salt Lake Snakes. And then the spiders came.
Mitt is funny! I've been laughing my ass off all week.
Pull my finger. Ha ha.
Betcha he's gone beyond "gosh" and "golly" this week.
Godfrey Daniels!
Rumour has it a "gosh darn" slipped out.
Heavens to Mergatroid!
Oh, fudge.
[I don't think he's allowed to say p**p]
Gol' dang, consarn wiggits.
Watch your mouths! This is a family (values) blog.
Great Caesar's
BallsGhost!!Tears of a clown.Mitt likes to hold his ear up to Ann's ear says he can hear the ocean.
JESUS CHRIST THAT LAUGH!!!!!!!
In Salt Lake City no one can hear you scream.
rMoney's gaffes are "just the right size."
I think Mitt has been cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
He flip-flopped on the "What is your favorite color" question.
Which is weird, because you'd think he could answer "Gold" with no trouble.
You know who else "stared into an abyss"?
Laura Bush?
I know David Lee Roth did. There he stood, and looked down. Ya know he lost a lot of friends there, baby. He's got no time to mess around.
Ed Harris?
Gozer? No no no… I got it: Vigo The Carpathian?
Gandalf?
Peter Abelard? Oh no, wait — he stared into an abbess.
Aw, Helloise no!
Scritti Politti libel!
It takes some balls to post that here.
Nietzsche?
Bud Fox?
James Cameron?
Glenn Rice?
Boba Fett?
Wile E. Coyote
Garcia Lopez de Cardenas?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Canyon
Joseph Smith?
No, he stared into his hat.
Clint Eastwood?
The pilot of the Enola Gay?
He's got all the natural human charm of Richard Nixon. Thats saying something, man.
At least Richard Nixon was a football fan. Even Hunter S. Thompson gave him credit for that. I wonder what HST would say about Mittens. Too bad he is not around.
Just read what Fakakta says about Romney, thats what HST would say. She channels him, the same just with a lovely accent.
You know you are crazy, yes? I am quite sure at this point. I ALREADY SAID I love you – HST aside. But you know, outpourings of maddening stream of consciousness swearing is a real thing too, baby.
You think I have an accent? Dang.
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't. And I said it first, so go on now with that claiming to be the prescient one.
"Too bad he is not around. "
Which one – Mittens or HST?
I bet Checkers rode inside the car, tho
Nixon fucking HATED the rich entitled fucks like Romney, he really did, like an obsession, its the one thing I actually love about Nixon, he did fucking despise the entitled inheritor douchefucks like Romney. Oh, he would just despise Romney. Nixon might could hate Romney worse than HST. He wouldn't say it as funny, though.
But he'd probably use just as many or more expletives deleted.
Nah, listen to the tapes, Nixon was a lame-ass swearer even totally awake and with his eyes open. Nixon was pretty formulaic, like "that (insert ethnic slur) Cocksucker." Like Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood.
If Nixon was still around, Mitten's 1040's going back to 2000 would be public knowledge by now.
Thats just beautifu man. Yup, that was Nixon.
Did you hear what this fucking guy did to the french talking? i am not having that. He may think he can say whatever he wants to about my fellow Americans and believe we will take it, and like it (I actually now believe he is wrong about that) and i can shake my head and know this, but DO NOT FUCK with my French. I would (tacky threat with votes deleted) his dumb ass just for THIS when he comes here to Evil-wrong-and-stupid-ville to run his head, and you know he will. You just FUCKING KNOW IT.
You know how mangled my frainglese is, this makes me ascared.
I worked for Richard Nixon (long story, sigh). I met Richard Nixon. Believe me, Twitt Romoney is no Richard Nixon.
Did Oliver Stone get it?
Ron Howard. Frost/Nixon.
Since Baconz isn't here this morning, I'll go ahead and say this for him:
I find this difficult to masturbate to.
seconded.
It's like that scene in Star Trek Generations where Data laughs too hard!
Whatever you do, don't mention "Ferengi in a gorilla suit" to him before a debate!
I kind of get the sense he maybe doesn't actually think that places like Iowa are all that great.
B-b-but the corn is just right height!
Hahaha, Mittens thinks Letterman hates him because he's been on Leno more than on his show. Silly wabbit, Letterman hates him because he is a humourless automaton who kills love and laughter with his pitiless inhuman gaze.
Also, Leno sucks. This point can't be repeated enough.
They probably got their car elevators from the same place.
Stand by for a whole lot of Top Ten lists.
It's entirely possible that Letterman hates Mitt… you know, like everyone else who's ever met him.
It just dawned on me: Mitt doesn't have a great sense of humor–Ann has a shitty sense of humor.
53% of the time he's dickish; the other 47% just clueless.
…as in this sliced turkey breast smells "funny."
"I like spontaneous humor. Like one time, there was this guy who's hairstyle I didn't agree with, so I took out my lucky scissors and cut it. Fifty years later and I'm still laughing over that one."
But The Abyss is the Cameron movie about the underwater intelligent species (not aliens, they're also from Earth), not one of the ones about the robots disguised as humans.
The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human… sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait till he moved on you before I could zero him.
Do Romneys dream of anything, or do they just kind of close their eyes and mentally count their moneys while feigning unconsciousness?
Elected sheep
Thanks to a tasteful interior decorator, they're eclectic sheep.
Along with their lesser-known but more boring brothers, the didactic sheep.
Abyssmal.
This campaign is really taking a toll on Mitt's appearance. He looks like Benjamin Button when he was six.
Even the second Terminator eventually learned "vhy you cry", but the Mittbot seems incapable of such sophisticated programming.
He's a lot more human and approachable when he's shaving the heads of Nancy-boys.
If Romney was an actual human person who could feel embarrassment/shame/chagrin I would feel uncomfortable for him while watching this. Since he isn't I just want to kick him.
You will not make me pity him! You will NOT!!!
This song is called "I am sad. So very, very sad."
I had a schoolmate who was a jokester as well, he loved torturing animals, ridiculing poor people, and generally creeping everyone out. And he was really, really good at simulating human emotion.
The history of Mitt's political career – from DOS 1.0 to Windoze 8 Beta
"Why was I programmed to feel pain?"
/Josh, you gotta call off this whole slashfic thing. Please.
and que in 3, 2, 1
Noonington / Geller 2016
Staring at Mitt in the eyes is kinda like staring into the abyss…
"MITT ROMNEY STARED INTO THE ABYSS"….The Abyss stared back and said: 'You sir, are fucked!"
The comforting thing is that hopefully, after November, we'll never have to hear that frightening laugh again. And let's hope Paul Ryan disappears with him down that abyss.
And the Abyss stared back and laughed at his fucking lame loser losing lame dumbfuck ass.
If they're not going to make with the tax returns, and then going to put us through this "campaign in a spiral" news cycle, the least they could do is secretly release some footage of he and Ann joylessly passionlessly desultorily stone-facedly fucking in one of their 9,439 palatial bedrooms. Then I'd feel like I could relate to him a bit.
"The dog on my car roof has no nose!"
"No nose? How does he smell?"
"Like shit!"
It's Mitt Romney – there is NO sexy part!
THEN WHY ARE WE READING THIS?
Here Comes Funny Boo Boo
Screw Mittens. I don't care.
But did you see the runner at the bottom of the screen about three minutes in that said production is delayed on the next Buffy the Vampier Slayer movie?
jesus i was WONDERING what happened.
Good lord, I couldn't even watch that all the way through. How fake and awkward can one guy be?
The unbearable heaviness of Mitt's being, is from all the bad sh*t he has done to working folks and their families, for his own personal gain.
The abyss is voting for Obama.
Obviously because it's black in the abyss!
That's one of the things that separates our candidates from Mittens. Put Joe Biden in a crowd at a diner and in five minutes, he's feeling up a biker chick!
Put Romney in a crowd in a diner and in five minutes its an empty diner
Thing is, Mitt really hated it when the abyss stared back at him.
In a related story…
Guess who arranged for the hidden camera footage to be used against Mitt?
http://news.yahoo.com/carter-grandson-arranged-ro…
Hahahahahaha!
Cue James Brown's "The Payback"!
Hey, I watched all the way through for the best line in it – the fadeout: "We've got some coffee for you, Governor…." Priceless….
This is what you get when you create a robot whose prime directive is to acquire and protect capital over all other concerns.
He's an arrogant entitled fuck that hates anyone not making him richer.
[did I say that out loud?]
His entire campaign is based on "I am entitled to this so it matters not how pathetic a campaign I run or that my initial instinct is to demean and belittle and insult anything and everything I see. Fuck 'em – this is mine to take and to hell with effort."
Law 1: A Rombot may not injure his money or, through inaction, allow his money to come to harm.
"Emergency cancelation Archimedes."
Anyone know the going rate for Corbomite?
Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But here's my number, So call me, maybe?
May I call you, Abyss? Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.
That horse just won't dance. (Yea, I stole that)
I really don't want that "Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha." anywhere near the big red button. But, he'd make a good villain on a Saturday morning cartoon.
Did anyone notice at his press conference the other night there was a hair out of place on his head-unit assembly? I think he's feeling the black hole of ignominious failure pulling him in, and he can only keep running the same program.
He's not just like a robot – he's more like an ALIEN robot with a remote control, but the wiring is faulty and sometimes these weird little short-circuits take place causing him to blurt out something from the alien's page of notes on how to pretend to be a human, but the writing is so hard to read that it comes out awkwardly and disconnected and out of sequence. I find him incredibly discomforting. I've never seen anyone so cringe inducing; other than Woody Allen in "Play It Again Sam", and that was at least intentionally funny.
Is this how Frankenstein's monster felt when everyone was upset he had thrown the little girl into the pond? After having watched her throw the flowers into the same pond? That sense of misunderstanding and the sadness of being unable to communicate? He just thought that's what you do with beautiful little things? So sad. I mean about the monster, not the mittster.
Now I get it! His campaigns have been a stealth reboot of "Third Rock From The Sun"!!
Don't just stare at it, eat it!
The only thing that makes Mitt sad: a Return on Investment that's less than 86%
#WINNING
Is that a preview of Innocence of the Mormons?
Willard Romney: a pitiless quivering goo of blancmange.
From the planet Skyron in the Andromeda galaxy, I presume.
henri, le chat noir is infinitely sadder.
also worth five minutes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
Politician Romney with your derp ideals
Have you no idea how humanity feels
Ho.
Mittbot must be powered by a Drinky Bird CPU:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thu…
Because every time he fucks up and says something stupid, he just dips his beak back down in The Stupid and gulps down some more…
She was wearing the spiked vagina cage at the time with the remote control zapper. Of course she'd say he's funny.
Is there NO room quiet enough?
I can't wait until he announces that his campaign for president was all just a five-year joke. PUNK'D, beeee-itches!
Nothing makes a robot look more human than digging it's own grave.
Just grab her tits, Mitt. The rest of the country wants to.
NI-agara Falls!
Slowly I turned…..
This explains my corporate stagnation.
This is Rmoney we're talking about, so: emetic sheep.
Are you sure it's not herpetic sheep?
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