#WINNING  9:27 am September 19, 2012

Romney Campaign Has Sad

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

You guys, I really fucked the dogThe Romney campaign is so sad, you guys! They know the whole campaign has been one bed-shitting after another, and that their candidate is worse than Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain and Christine O’Donnell combined, because of those three at least one (Christine O’Donnell) does not make it a habit to insult people to their faces. (Terrifying bridge troll Newton does, of course, but Smooth Herm only insults ladies, by grabbing their pudendae when they are asking for jobs.) So the campaign knows this, and now they are all at the “whining to reporters” stage, and the “cussing at reporters” stage (they were there long ago, of course), and the calling the campaign “a vulgar, unprintable phrase” stage. (“Dog-fuck,” probably.) Let us read more, our hearts filled with tea and sympathy!

Sing out, NYT:

A palpably gloomy and openly frustrated mood has begun to envelop Mr. Romney’s campaign for president. Well practiced in the art of lurching from public relations crisis to public relations crisis, his team seemed to reach its limit as it digested a ubiquitous set of video clips that showed their boss candidly describing nearly half of the country’s population as government-dependent “victims,” and saying that he would “kick the ball down the road” on the biggest foreign policy challenge of the past few decades, the Palestinian-Israeli peace process.

Grim-faced aides acknowledged that it was an unusually dark moment, made worse by the self-inflicted, seemingly avoidable nature of the wound. In low-volume, out-of-the-way conversations, they are now wondering whether victory is still possible and whether they are entering McCain-Palin ticket territory.

No, grim-faced Sads. You are well past McCain-Palin ticket territory; you have entered Reagan/Mondale territory, and despite all appearances, you are not Reagan. Saaad trombone!

Aides did little to hide their annoyance: on Tuesday night, a Romney aide cursed loudly as he tried to corral reporters into an impromptu news conference in Costa Mesa, Calif.

Mr. Romney himself seemed pensive on the early-morning flight Tuesday from California to Utah, sitting alone with a white legal pad and a pen as he picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito. An aide said that he had eaten dinner alone in his hotel room the night before as the video controversy began to unfold.

There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

Here, Mitt Romney, we made you a picture, because we are liberals and we are pained by your pain. Feel better soon! Stop fucking the dog!

Feel Better, Mitt Romney!
hope you feel better soon pictures

[NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 310 comments }

Pres.Beeblebrox September 19, 2012 at 9:29 am

Sad Lurch is sad.

mookwrthwilson September 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

But sad lurch has $250 million to go back to after he loses…which makes me sad…

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:30 am

Ahhh, I love the smell of Wonket in the morning!

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:48 am

Seriously, on days like these with their un-ending avalanche of disasters for the Romney team, firing up Wonkette is a bit like waking up to find that last night you went home with someone whose name you remember for a change, and who you've actually been wanting to be with for a long time.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

Saaayyy, I recognize you from Der Stinque. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 8:12 pm

The pleasure is all mine, I can assure you!

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:07 am

Wait. We can do that? Cuz usually I drink to forget, and succeed.

Sacanagem September 19, 2012 at 11:22 am

That unique bouquet of dick jokes, Hai Karate and regret.

Gleem McShineys September 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I am also detecting a note of buttsecks, and hmm (swishes, spits) is that leather? Oh and a definite peppery undercurrent of poop jokes!

Oh god, please tell me that was a wine sample.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And, as Clive Coates likes to intone, "A fine grip."

PsycWench September 19, 2012 at 9:31 am

People get unhappy with insufferable hypocrites? Who knew?

Pookums September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

Awwww, cue the sad trombone.

http://sadtrombone.com

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

Trix used it in the post, Baldar

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 9:54 am

Hence my deletion. Please pour some more salt; yeah, right there. Now rub.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

I hear monsters lead the most innnnnnnnnnteresting lives….

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 10:01 am

(Blood-curdling scream) "PEOPLE!"

weejee September 19, 2012 at 9:45 am

Somehow for me sad kazoos seem more appropriate.

DemmeFatale September 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

So terrible and annoying!
(I love it.)

drstrabismus September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

Dum spiro spero!

GemlikeFlame September 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

Dum vivimus vivamus. I gave up hope years ago.

forgracie September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

The Romney campaign is so dead the Mormon church is baptizing it….

Steverino247 September 19, 2012 at 9:42 am

Gonna be hard to top THAT comment today. Well done!

Dr_Zoidberg September 19, 2012 at 9:52 am

Oh, snap! You win the internets today.

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 10:02 am

This comment made me so hard that the watermelon in my backyard should be very, very nervous.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:19 am

Remind me never to have fruit salad at your house.

kissawookiee September 19, 2012 at 11:21 am

Or anything involving what normally would be construed as a mayonnaise-based dressing.

BoroPrimorac September 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Want some Alioli? Hell nah!

fawkedifiknow September 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

I am going to violate copyright laws by sending this one to my non-Wonkette reading friends.

AbandonHope_ September 19, 2012 at 11:14 am

Can I quote you on this? Because this is entirely composed of win.

banana_bread September 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

As long as you don't quote it to me. As I have now seen it already and am on to your game.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

It's deader than Breitbart.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

To cheer himself up, he retromormonized some dead Santeria folks.

no_gravity September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

Mittens haz a sad because he thought this was going to be handed to him like everything else in his life.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

"But look at how much money I spent!"

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

Cheney was easy to cheer up in situations like this. All it took was a basket of kittens. Mittz will require a semi-trailer full of Benjamins. His billionaire backers might not be too happy with their return on investment.

Nowisallthereis September 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

And like muffins, all Dicky would do is eat the tops.

miss_grundy September 19, 2012 at 9:42 am

Because he believes he is "entitled" to the office of the Presidency, just like the forty-seven percenters he believes are entitled to….(you guys know the rest)….

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:45 am

Don't forget his planning to fulfill Joseph Smith's White Horse Prophecy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Horse_Prophecy

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

Hm, I wonder why some crackpot group of wingnuts didn't raise an alarm over this the way "OBAMA SEKRIT MUSLIN CONSPIRSEE!" was raised….

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

It's looking more and more like the Osmond Crazy Horses Prophecy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiNnDpIW918

In other words, goddamned ugly and eardrum-destroying.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

Needs moar Jimmy

viennawoods13 September 19, 2012 at 5:43 pm

That is just SO wrong.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

Dumbass was the same way.
They both look baffled when anybody expects them to say anything or do anything, and both clearly think that the Presidency, like anything else they've decided that they want, is their rightful due.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

Now we see if Karl Rove and the super PACs can save Romney despite himself.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

The phrase "pushing rope" leaps to mind.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Yeah. I wish this implosion was happening a little closer to the day

PsycWench September 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

"The Dark Night of the Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito", probably not coming to your town anytime soon.

miss_grundy September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

I wonder, did the breakfast burrito come from MacDonalds? Or did he have his own chef whip it up in the galley kitchen of his campaign jet?????

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:01 am

Or did he have to heat it up in the hotel microwave?…this is truly sad….

JohnnyQuick September 19, 2012 at 10:13 am

Clarification: 47 percenter meat is considered a vegetable by job creators

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:06 am

Sounds like an art-house flick that You People wouldn't be able to appreciate.

MadBrahms September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

Does he only eat the top of the burrito, because the 47% on the bottom is too foreign?

sewollef September 19, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"The Dark Night of the Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito", probably not coming to your town anytime soon.

But I hear it does star Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett.

AlterNewt September 19, 2012 at 9:33 am

T-ball trophy for you, Mitt. Thanks for participating.

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:33 am

Bah, there's nothing afflicting the Romney campaign that can't be swiftly corrected by going on TV and declaring: "I am not a witch."

Come on, Mitt. Just do it so we can put all this unpleasantness behind us.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

That would actually be better than either of his realistic options, which are: 1. say that you don't really believe that 47% stuff and were just saying it to get money out of those donors, or 2. say that you really believe that 47% of the country including the elderly and the working poor are mooches who suffer from a victim mentality.

By declaring himself not a witch, he'd totally change the subject and get people debating whether he was nuts or not.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

3. Release his tax returns, but in invisible ink or with a secret decoder ring. A shiny secret decoder ring.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

Better yet, just encrypt them and get people in a race to break the code.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

4. Release Rapey Eyes Ryan from whatever basement they've got him chained up in, and let him make one of his patented offensive remarks about three seconds afterwards.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

Except, by dint of being Mormon, the GOP base already believes he's a witch.

oenspiek September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

It's lovely that the rethugs talked themselves into nominating someone that they themselves can't stand!

AlterNewt September 19, 2012 at 9:33 am

NOW can we get complacent?

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:36 am

No. Now we set our sights on Congress and a 60 vote majority in the Senate.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

Don't forget the House.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

2 months before the election is too goddamned late to start thinking about that!!

CindynEncinitas September 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm

That's not going to help until we get rid of those 17 chicken shit Dems.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

Nope, those Diebold machines are not going to re-program themselves.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

And don't forget the discriminatory voter ID laws. (Can't have the blacks, browns, poors voting!) Too. Also.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:27 am
Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

LOVE!

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:38 am

We need the House back, too.

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Yup, and I can't WAIT for the moment (not to far from now) when frightened House GOP members start treating Romney the way a cheating husband treats his ex-mistress after he's been caught and is desperately trying to salvage the remains of his crumbling marriage.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

"Mitt who? George W what?"

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:48 am

Romney is the GOP's next whore of Babylon. He'll be the evil that caused all the GOP's woes.

NellCote71 September 19, 2012 at 10:12 am

It will be an even stranger convention in 2016 when they still won't have any party standard bearers to trot out. Except for the holograms of a very dead Reagan, of course.

CindynEncinitas September 19, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Baby baby baby baby baby baby please!

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

Keep Schadening that Freude!

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 9:58 am

never underestimate the power of citizens united.

banana_bread September 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:34 am

Time to flatten and reload those voting machines, stat.

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 9:34 am

He's just inelegant….

shelwood46 September 19, 2012 at 11:17 am

Ryan called him inarticulate. Hmm, he sounded pretty clear to me.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Did he call him unclean, too?

ChernobylSoup September 19, 2012 at 9:34 am

There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

This is so good, Rebecca.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 9:53 am

Seconded.

NellCote71 September 19, 2012 at 10:12 am

Thirded.

Gleem McShineys September 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Four..tyseven percent Burrito'ed

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:12 am

This phrase has jumped the snark….

CindynEncinitas September 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I don't know… Last night my son and I dined on burritos at Filiberto's and there was a tweaker in there playing death metal on the juke box for us and the 2 middle-aged Hispanic men chatting in Spanish. It was pretty tragic watching him lurch around.

Boojum September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

I feel the schadenfreude, like fire, warming my heart.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:31 am
bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

See the schadenfreude inherent in the system!

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

So… rMoney's campaign has a case of the blahs?

slithytoves September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

Sad for them, happy for me! See, every cloud has a silver lining.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

"Ovary clown has a silver lifeboat."

– John Lennon

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

In low-volume, out-of-the-way conversations, they are now wondering whether victory is still possible and whether they are entering McCain-Palin ticket territory.

Dudes, you should have had that conversation back in May, man.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

He might be in better shape if he'd actually picked Palin as his running mate. At least she'd be distracting everyone from what Mitt was saying.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:48 am

Listen, even Paul Ryan said it was "inarticulate," which is precisely what you want your second to say when you gaffe big time.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

Yeah, that has to chap Romney's hide a bit especially given that Ryan believes the 47% crap, too.

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

Maybe he'll dump Ryan for Jenna Jameson.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

I'd have to take a second look at the ticket.

A goood lonnnnnng second look.

But I'd still vote Obama. While looking at that ticket.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

So, they're having these conversations in quiet rooms?

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

Yay, Blingee is back. Poor Mittens, how could he know half the population would not take kindly to being called mooching parasites?

anniegetyerfun September 19, 2012 at 1:15 pm

They weren't supposed to find out how he REALLY feels, dammit!

ChernobylSoup September 19, 2012 at 9:35 am

Peggy Noonan can fix it.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

Eric, son of Eric, is on the case already.

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

He sounded pretty breathless this morning, yelling "Up the Ante!!!!"…

GunToting[Redacted] September 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

I'm listening to him pant on Morning Edition right now. Cognitive dissonance never sounded so good.

Gleem McShineys September 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Man I enjoyed that. Yes, Squared Eric, conservaturds SHOULD start owning up to their beliefs in public, for a change!

Serolf_Divad September 19, 2012 at 9:54 am

But will she sigh a lot in feigned disappointment like she does whenever she offers advice on how to fix Obama's imagined problems?

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

There's not enough vodka tonics in the world…

natoslug September 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Vodka? That's a Gilbert's gin and tonic face, if you ask me.

sbj1964 September 19, 2012 at 9:36 am

Mitt,"Why do they always pick on the pretty ones?"Why won't they love me?Poor people are just meanies.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 9:36 am

This is the sound of the Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:36 am

Mr. Romney himself seemed pensive on the early-morning flight Tuesday from California to Utah, sitting alone with a white legal pad and a pen as he picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito.

He should be on suicide watch.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

Do Mormon's have rules about suicide? If he kills himself, he may not get his own planet. Additionally, his wife won't get into heaven as he is solely responsible for her fate in the afterlife.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

If they do, they ain't working
http://www.lifeafter.org/mormonsuicide.asp

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

"Eleven of those were between the ages of 0-9 years of age."

Wait, how, what, why…
Even 9 year olds see through the grifter facade their belief system is based on?

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

"his wife won't get into heaven as he is solely responsible for her fate in the afterlife."

Like in that really bad movie, "What Dreams May Come".

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:38 pm

You know, I wanted to like that flick, but man…

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

1) the colors were really pretty
2) a bird takes a really big shit on Robin Williams

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

I'm sure a few of his aides already are.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

That would imply some of his aides are passionate about the man and his campaign.

I wouldn't buy that if it came with whore diamonds. Free whore diamonds. From the whore-diamondiest mine in WhoreDiamondville.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:57 am

True. Andrea Saul & Tara Wall have given it valiant efforts but I suspect Kevin Madden is just trying out for a Fox gig in December.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:22 am

He regards himself too highly for suicide. Firing a couple dozen people will get him back on his game.

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

You nailed it.

Veritas78 September 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm

"Stewardess, direct the pilot to crash this plane. No, you can't get out first—it's my plane. Now do as you're told, or I'll dock your pay."

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 9:37 am

Petard, meet hoist.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:42 am

Isn't that the best part? No dirty tricks, just Mitt forced to face up to his own words.

anniegetyerfun September 19, 2012 at 1:15 pm

#notintendedtobeafactualstatement

StealthMuslin September 19, 2012 at 9:38 am

I am going to watch this concession speech nude with a fist full of poppers and a goat!

Boojum September 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

Comment of the Day. We might as well all go home.

OneYieldRegular September 19, 2012 at 10:05 am

Wait, so you'll be at Marc Leder's party too?

YasserArraFeck September 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

Hope the goat can swim

ChernobylSoup September 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

Romney's reason for running for President is akin to Edmund Hillary's motivation for climbing that hill, so it's really shouldn't be that big a deal to him that he's sucking so badly.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Hillary's father decided that Hillary should climb that hill?

Barbara_ September 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

I can't wait for Saturday Night Live this week. What day is that show on anyway? Must check TV Guide.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

Last night's Daily Show was great, and Ferguson had a good time with Mitt's remarks too, while Letterman had Obama on and the President mocked the shit out of Mitt's remarks. This has been a great gift to comedians.

Barbara_ September 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

I watched Ed, Rachel and then Lawrence on MSNBC last night and enjoyed every moment of it. Rachel gave a Wonkette shout out, bonus.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 10:07 am

I'm listening to Maddow right now and waiting for that.

YasserArraFeck September 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

Wait – she called us "profane"
I fucking object to that cocksucking mischaracterization!!!

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

She should have at least gone with "fucking obnoxious".

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

Wasn't that cool?

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

right? they were beyond prescient last week.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

You know, they're doing their special Thursday night episodes again this year.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Are you confusing this comedy show with the replacement refs?

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

Every Rethuglican Congressman should be pilloried with commercials that show them as standing firmly behind rMoney and his statements. Forcing them to either deny that they stand with their candidate, or to endorse what rMoney has said.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

"We don't have to care, we're gerrymandered."

Jerri September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

Ahem.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah *breathe* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. *picked at a vegetarian burrito!* Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhhahhhahahahahhahahah. Wheew!

I know there's a long way to go and doing a victory lap before actually winning the thing seems like a great way to jinx it, BUT if I may "live in the moment" for a second, right now this is just about the most gleeful I've ever felt about an election and I'm loving it.

docterry6973 September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

Heart filled with tea? Well that could be my problem right there. Though it is more likely filled with coffee after staying up to the wee hours reading Wonkette snark.

anniegetyerfun September 19, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Mine's filled with bile and whiskey. On a permanent basis, really.

Schmannnity September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

His campaign has jumped the car-mounted dog house.

mavenmaven September 19, 2012 at 9:40 am

I'm waiting for Paul Ryan to turn down the offer of being vice presidential candidate. With a loser at the helm, gotta have a quitter, too.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I expect we'll see Paul spending quite a bit of time back in his district, now.

FlyOverGirl September 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

Rafalca is exceedingly quiet.

memzilla September 19, 2012 at 9:42 am

Oh Mittens… this is the worst example of generalship since Pharoah said: "Forward, men, into the temporarily dry sea!"

DocChaos September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Ah, jeez, now you made me feel sorry for the guy.

Just kidding! Taste the dust Money Boo Boo!

neiltheblaze September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

A vegetarian breakfast burrito?? What kind of elitist ass bullshit is that?! If he were a REAL 'Murikan he'd have BEEF – with extra cheese.

Pussy.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

I thought that, too. Chorizo, man….or at least bacon! No one here would even know what a vegetarian breakfast burrito was.

Dr_Zoidberg September 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

And not even cooked beef, but half a raw cow!

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

With a side of Bean-o.

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:13 am

It's 'cause of the mom jeans….

comrad_darkness September 19, 2012 at 11:29 am

I know, cue the wingnut frothing at the mouth over rumors the Clintons were vegetarian.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

Did Mitzi eat his vegetarian breakfast burrito with a knife and fork, the way he ate the donut?

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Chopsticks.

neiltheblaze September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Probably. And with an elegant linen napkin draped over his lap.

anniegetyerfun September 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Embroidered with his initials.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

He has people to cut up the burrito for him.

Mahousu September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain and Christine O’Donnell combined

What's the three-way we'd like least to see, Alex?

DocChaos September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

Yeah, that's what they said about 2 girls 1 cup.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

No, that would be the Newt/Rush/Chris Christie lemon party.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Curse you for that vision.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

*knock on door*
Michael Moore: Somebody order fifty pizzas?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 9:43 am

Ryan: That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
Romney: Maybe we could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? Why don't we try that?

sly_3 September 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

Looks like the new lieutenant's too good to eat with the rest of us grunts.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Fuck it, let's go bowling.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Too late, they cut the power.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 9:44 am

Late at night after Ann's asleep, when the demons of self-doubt would drown out any last shred of restraint or resolve: Mitt's negotiations with himself break down and he skulks to the basement to clandestinely chug a can of Mister Pibb and scarf down a half a bag of Nestle® morsels.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

Wait, doesn't that Pibb stuff have caffeine in it?

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

Rmoney Boo Boo Burp-Burp knows, but won't say, the answer to your question.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:14 am

Perhaps, but at least it's not that vile, atheist Dr. Pepper!

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

"skulks to the basement to clandestinely chug a can of Mister Pibb"

As long as it wasn't Dr. Pepper.
THOSE guys are anti-Christian, you know!
Oh, wait…

Steverino247 September 19, 2012 at 9:46 am

Look at the bright side: Mitt Romney is the best candidate the Republicans could put forward for President.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 9:52 am

You think Chris Christie is putting down the donut and laughing a little each morning, marveling at his luck? Cuz I do. He still has four years to lose weight

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

And we have four years to hope for a massive cardio-vote-acular event.

qwerty42 September 19, 2012 at 10:13 am

Look at the bright side: Mitt Romney is the best candidate the Republicans could put forward for President.
True. The primaries were an all-clown circus. Cripes, when Barry and Hillz went at it, it was tough, and you felt Barry came away better and stronger for it. The circus this year just highlighted how crazy the Republicans have become. Romney became the least-disliked candidate left.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

I agree that he was the least disliked candidate, but that was relative to Newt and Frothy — and even so, I get the feeling that the other Republicans don't like him much.

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Watching the majority of that clown car raise their hands when asked if they believed that Evolution was merely a theory, and therefore not valid (I forget how the question was framed) should have sent shockwaves to anyone with a functioning brain. The idea that that crew was the best they could assemble would be laughable on Smart World, where we clearly do not live.

We have to remain vigilant, there are still too many stupids and olds who will vote R. So you youngins' out there– please do not get complacent and think you don't have to put down the roach and that bag of Cheetos for 20 minutes and go vote.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

One of my own personal definitions of "funny" is "when bad shit happens to people I don't like."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Harrison Wintergreen September 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

Well past McCain/Palin territory and lurching* into McGovern/Eagleton Shriver territory.

*see what I did there?

weejee September 19, 2012 at 9:48 am

Waiting for Mittens' sad when he finds out that his Cayman Islands accounts were credited in Zimbabwe dollars.

Barbara_ September 19, 2012 at 9:54 am

The avatar is awesome!

weejee September 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

Thanks Barb and top of the mornin' to ya.

smashedinhat September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

You have to admit, this has been pretty a spectacular fail. But I know team Mittens will rise from the ashes to fail again. Pleasepleaseplease!

Dr_Zoidberg September 19, 2012 at 9:56 am

Oh, yeah, we still got a few weeks before the election. Plenty of time for Mittens to screw up again.

grace_nearing September 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

I don't know. Think the Viet GOP brainwashed Romney about the 47 percenters?

cassamandra September 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

Did you call Niall Ferguson? He's really perplexed that Obama's leading in the polls. He thinks it's probably because folks lie to pollsters.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

Something in the air makes it seem like 1964…

sbj1964 September 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

Pardon me that one just slipped.I'll light a match.

arihaya September 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

well yeah, the voter id laws kinda make it like it is 1964

arihaya September 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

May be Mitt hired his campaign staff like he hired for his company.

Minimum wage, no welfare, no paid leave, non unionized campaign staff AND he expected them to do the job well. Good luck with that suckers.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:05 am

This is what happens when you outsource your speechwriting to Bangalore.

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 9:53 am

Oh Mittens, you thought that your destiny was to complete what Daddy couldn't do and become the first mormoni preznit… creating a dynasty for the ages (I'm guessing a thousand years–a common theme among wingnuts for some reason.) Instead you've become the worst candidate since another Masshole put a tank helmet on his head.

BeefHardcake September 19, 2012 at 9:54 am

The schadenfreude… tastes like snozzberries!

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Did you guys know that snozzberries are actually dicks?
http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-filthiest-

Gleem McShineys September 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Man, look at all the dicks being exposed this week! Cocktober is early this year. Global warming?

Limeylizzie September 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

Why doesn't the campaign use their secret weapon, Cunty Ann Romney, she is one of the people , she will feel their pain .
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/ann-romney-on-47-comme

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 10:10 am

Asked about the gender gap contributing to a tight race, particularly in swing states like Colorado, Ann Romney replied that Romney does not need to be President. She said that Mitt Romney is running because he thinks he can help people, particularly women. “This is a guy who doesn’t need to do this for a job,” she said.

Mission accomplished, Ann. Mission. Accomplished.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

"What you people don't understand is that Mitt is trying to do you a favor! Mitt could live a thousand years and never have to earn another dime. He bothers with you because he cares!"

Limeylizzie September 19, 2012 at 10:42 am

I really dislike this woman, I know she has MS, but she would have to be crippled and in a wheelchair for me to have any sympathy for her, plus she needs some gays to do her hair/make-up and wardrobe.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

Anybody who doesn't like or agree with Ann Romney for any reason, or refers to her with anything other than fawning praise, is attacking all disabled people everywhere.
You know, like it was with He Who Shall not be Named.

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:36 pm

The difference being that at one time, Voldemort was a sympathetic character.

Limeylizzie September 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I used to have the epilepsy as a child, so I can hate on the disabled no prob!

415buzzard September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

My husband tells me that in England "cunt" is not really such a bad name? Somehow I think it fits Ann Romney pretty well though. I gave her the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of this thing, but each time she opens her mouth I start to hate on her a little more….

Biff September 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

It's a far more fitting epithet for Mrs. Mittens than "fanny", which also does not mean what we think it means, in USAmerica.

Limeylizzie September 19, 2012 at 1:50 pm

It's still bad but it is used so much that we sort of accept it.

starfanglednut September 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Like twat?

viennawoods13 September 19, 2012 at 5:55 pm

A (female, straight) student of mine just used "twatmuncher" as a password on a site we use. I think I need to have a chat with her. Maybe she doesn't know I can see the passwords.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

Sometimes it does seem like Mitt's campaign does seem to be shaping up as the electoral equivalent of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.

banana_bread September 19, 2012 at 11:35 am

Complete with extremely creepy puppets! (see also Sununu, John)

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

I was thinking The Stupids, but yours is good, too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stupids

superdave September 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

Awww, poor Mitt. I know what will cheer him up. Rent a house in the Hamptons, hire a gaggle of leggy Russian models and go full Bunga Bunga! Well, I know that would cheer me up.

sly_3 September 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

mitt romney treats objects like women.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Um, you might want to be careful with those Russian models:
http://simpsonswiki.net/wiki/Russian_model_(1)

Yellerdawg September 19, 2012 at 9:59 am

I don't know if it was purposeful or not, but giving free reign to the birthers, freepers and other assorted crazies for the last four years has certainly inoculated the public against the noise machine. If I were a strategist, I would be running to take credit for letting the crackpot talking heads scream themselves silly in the right wing echo chamber until everyone outside of it decided they were nuts. As a matter of fact, I do hereby take credit for it. Pay me.

e_z September 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

"What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! " – Senator Blutarsky

Fire up the Death Mobile, I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part and Mitt's boyz are just the one's to do it..

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Mitt's Bluto in his dreams.
If he's anyone, he's Greg Marmalard, and Ryan is Neidermeyer.

Eve8Apples September 19, 2012 at 10:00 am

"There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone."

If he was Latino, he would enjoy his burrito much more.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

Le pica.

DerrickWildcat September 19, 2012 at 10:02 am

Every three days there's an , "Is this Romney's election losing gaffe?" headline.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I have to hope that sooner or later, he's going to use up the last bit of his luck.

bobbert September 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

The President is still black, so Money Badger's luck will never run completely out.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Next he'll tell us how "Green" he is, because money is green…

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

this is just like that one time when our ambassador got assassinated in libya and also when ralfaca lost the olympics.

RadioX September 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

Hey Mitt, how are those quiet rooms working out for you?

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

Too quiet…

Biff September 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Too bad all the quiet rooms don't have a sekrit iPhone…

azeyote September 19, 2012 at 10:04 am

i want to see him – fuck the dog – hey i might even vote for him if the dog was on top. of the ticket i mean

CalvinsChoice September 19, 2012 at 10:06 am

Would a real republican eat a vegetarian burrito? Would Herman Cain? Newt? Think about it.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

No. W only eats soufles.

Biff September 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And pretzels.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Pretzels were good enuff for Hitler!!!

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Herman Cain has virtually no taste buds left after years of eating shitty pizza, and one look at Newt tells you he eats anything.

cheetojeebus September 19, 2012 at 10:07 am

Folks, We're witnessing history in the making here. 10 years from now, they'll look back and say, " Holy Fuck! We dodged a fuckin bullet! "

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

The odd thing about that is that the country AND Mitt will say it.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 19, 2012 at 10:12 am

The problem is that unlike all of us victims, Mitt has never been held down by multiple bullies and had his hair forcibly cut off. You bounce back from that in fighting trim.

Comrade Wingtardd September 19, 2012 at 10:14 am

It's all good, wait 'til you see what happens to the Rmoney campaign in its afterlife … hint: it gets its own planet.

MilwaukeeKent September 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

It's sad really, his upbringing never prepared him for real life. It's like a chimpanzee raised in captivity all it's life, suddenly being released into the wild to fend for itself. One day it walks into a clearing to greet a human being and it turns out to be a bush-meat hunter. I believe these animals are referred to as "Naives".

cromiller September 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

I expect we'll be seeing an uptick in ad spend for a certain Wisconsin rep's reelection campaign shortly.

Veritas78 September 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm

And won't that be an awkward moment at Campaign HQ: "But we need you to campaign in North Carolina and Ohio this week. You campaigned in Janesville last week, and the week before that."

Beetagger September 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

They should write the tell-all post-campaign book now just to give them something positive to focus on.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 10:23 am

The Obama Opponent Self-Destruction Field strikes again. It is uncanny. Must be that Kenyan Mao Mao Voodoo.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

Lorne Michaels is beside himself with glee right now.

Beanball September 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

This guy is screwing up so badly that even the fascist commenters on that foul cesspool of the Intertoobz, the notorious 4chan/pol/, are hanging their heads in pre-defeat.

Misty Malarky September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

This is almost as depressing as the ending to A BOY NAMED CHARLIE BROWN.

sly_3 September 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

makes the end of "shane" seem like a marx bros. comedic romp.

4TheTurnstiles September 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

Hi Mitt, here's how America feels about you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxMafF6mj1E

GunToting[Redacted] September 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

I hope he booked Crash and the Boys for his election evening gathering.

FajitaFriday September 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

Goddamn! You people are hysterical! Thanks for the giggles!

randcoolcatdaddy September 19, 2012 at 10:36 am

One Republican frustrated Republican consultant said in one of the articles I read recently that "the Democrats are running Jimmy Carter and the Republicans are running Thomas Dewey".

Actually, the Dems are running Obama. The Republicans are running Charles Montgomery Burns.

SaintRond September 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

Are those hurry home drops in his eyes?

Poor thing.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

Barb and I have been enjoying a tweet-off on this subject: I suggested that Mitt's Olympic expertise has been shining through, especially in the Marksmanship Arena: shooting oneself in the foot. And Gymnastics: stuffing one's own feet in one's mouth. She replied that this is a "Slalom" Occasion in that he is certainly going downhill according to the "poles". She also mentioned "Diving" as a possibility and I suggested Running in any of the Races was probably not a winning proposition for him this time. We are continuing to "Wrestle" with this theme, but my quiver is empty.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:31 am

You guys are having a snark rendezvous away from the Wonkette?! I feel like a scorned wife!

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 11:35 am

Barb is well-known as a slut, and a tall one at that. Me, I'm just easy.

Chet Kincaid_ September 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

Unchivalrous.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Totally!

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I think that if Mitt were proficient at "diving", Ann woudn't have such a pissy expression on her face all the time.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

A most unlikely suggestion.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

He probably eats that with a knife and fork, too — smirking that smirk and doing that self-conscious "heh heh" chuckle the entire time.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Shirley, you jest (you don't mind if I call you Shirley?). I firmly believe he considers pussy “unclean”.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Abernathy September 19, 2012 at 10:42 am

"one bed-shitting after another"

Seamus's revenge!

Chow Yun Flat September 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito = pulled at his limp dick

YasserArraFeck September 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

Don't look in your rear view Mitt – that brown stuff drooling down the window is what's left of your presidential aspirations. What a Seamus….

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Wouldn't it be funny if the brown stuff was santorum?

christianmuslin September 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

Mittens is the best possible Republican candidate. What more needs to be said?

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

Like picking which dog turd is the BESTEST…

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

well practiced at the art of lurching

YOU RANG???

comrad_darkness September 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

I'm not an optimist so all this makes me very nervous.

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I agree. I worry about people deciding there's no need to get to the polls come 11/06.

Unless, of course, I'm discussing the fools who will still vote for Mittens.

owhatever September 19, 2012 at 11:30 am

"I didn't mean what I was recorded saying" is getting a bit lame, Mitt. Please continue.

Weenus299 September 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

It's nothing Mittens can't nervous-laugh off at the next presser.

oenspiek September 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

That endearing rMoney smirk! That'll turn the trick for him! It's irresistible!

Dildeaux September 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito?

Intervention! STAT!

And its fucking Costa Mesa! Of course he is cursing.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

"Vegetarian Burrito" is the new "tank moment".

oenspiek September 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Was this Vegetarian Burrito business for realz? Aren't Repubs supposed to eat only meat, with an occasional spud? If true, it's liable to tick off his base.

HELisforHEL September 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Nah, they still have that corporate tool boastful loud-talker, biceps-curls-only workout asshole contingent in their corner, the ones trying to stay in some form of fighting trim for the office tag-football game, so they can bag the ditzy blonde in HR.
You know, all the duuuudes just like Paul Ryan.

YasserArraFeck September 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Remember that "The Base" never really liked Mittens anyway. The wuss speaks French, fer Gawd's sake.

rickmaci September 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

Before we all start doing a happy dance on the sidelines, keep in mind we have 7 weeks to play and the Dems have a peculiar penchant for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Focus people focus.

duh_du September 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

Today, we are all Mitt Romney.

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

sitting alone with a white legal pad

Only Romney knows the peril of using yellow legal pads…

kingcocrazy September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Please let me know when his political grave has officially been dug. I want to first in line to piss on it.

VeraSevera September 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Mitten's we've seen you with the mittens off and it ain't pretty.

Living in Joy September 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I think the vegetarian burrito is a play for the Hispanic Organic (or vicey versy) vote. Let's face it. He could have had Cheerios, but no, he went THERE.

Sir_Fartz_Alot September 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I wonder what the October Surprise will be?

Biff September 19, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I am really looking forward to October, I can't wait to see what "surprise" awaits us from these wacky kids!

Rayn_And September 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Maybe this thing works like college…He can just ask his dad for a loa…ummm….votes.

Calapine September 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Well, you had your first black president, time for the first Emo President!

CindynEncinitas September 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Thanks for the Blingee, Commie Girl!

Bonghits4Jesus September 19, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I'll be knockin' the taco jockeys off the rich people's lawns. And before they wake up,… Mitt will be gone!

DahBoner September 19, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Ay! Que paso con El Taco Jockey??

snarkelle September 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Oh no he shat in his magic underpants.

ffredpalakon September 19, 2012 at 2:09 pm

This week I often get confused on whether I'm watching a presidential campaign, or a sequel to Trading Places.

mustangsavvy September 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

"An aide said that he had eaten dinner alone in his hotel room the night before as the video controversy began to unfold."

……wondering, as he stared forlornly out the window….trying to drown out Wolf Blitzer's incessant bleating, why oh why he didn't just let Ann do all the talking?

=(

Kwachie September 19, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I hope he doesn't cry. When Republican men cry I get an overwhelming urge to put on pointy-toed shoes, kick them really hard in the nuts and punch their tear-streaked booger-nosed quivery lipped faces over and over again with my tiny little balled up fists.

L_Daddy September 20, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito makes him even sadder that he wasn't born Latino.

usuhname September 20, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Schadenfreude has never felt so good – at least partly because millions of people are less likely to suffer under his tyrannical brand of plutocratic idiocy. Also, because he's a jerk.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

Mitt could actually be the first ex-candidate to be booed at the next convention.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

Only because they didn't have Bush and Cheney at this one.

tessiee September 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I meant that campaign prop babby that what's her name used to schlep everywhere with her.

viennawoods13 September 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

All I remember is that they had a hell of a nice kitchen.

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