#winning

Romney Campaign Has Sad

You guys, I really fucked the dogThe Romney campaign is so sad, you guys! They know the whole campaign has been one bed-shitting after another, and that their candidate is worse than Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain and Christine O’Donnell combined, because of those three at least one (Christine O’Donnell) does not make it a habit to insult people to their faces. (Terrifying bridge troll Newton does, of course, but Smooth Herm only insults ladies, by grabbing their pudendae when they are asking for jobs.) So the campaign knows this, and now they are all at the “whining to reporters” stage, and the “cussing at reporters” stage (they were there long ago, of course), and the calling the campaign “a vulgar, unprintable phrase” stage. (“Dog-fuck,” probably.) Let us read more, our hearts filled with tea and sympathy!

Sing out, NYT:

A palpably gloomy and openly frustrated mood has begun to envelop Mr. Romney’s campaign for president. Well practiced in the art of lurching from public relations crisis to public relations crisis, his team seemed to reach its limit as it digested a ubiquitous set of video clips that showed their boss candidly describing nearly half of the country’s population as government-dependent “victims,” and saying that he would “kick the ball down the road” on the biggest foreign policy challenge of the past few decades, the Palestinian-Israeli peace process.

Grim-faced aides acknowledged that it was an unusually dark moment, made worse by the self-inflicted, seemingly avoidable nature of the wound. In low-volume, out-of-the-way conversations, they are now wondering whether victory is still possible and whether they are entering McCain-Palin ticket territory.

No, grim-faced Sads. You are well past McCain-Palin ticket territory; you have entered Reagan/Mondale territory, and despite all appearances, you are not Reagan. Saaad trombone!

Aides did little to hide their annoyance: on Tuesday night, a Romney aide cursed loudly as he tried to corral reporters into an impromptu news conference in Costa Mesa, Calif.

Mr. Romney himself seemed pensive on the early-morning flight Tuesday from California to Utah, sitting alone with a white legal pad and a pen as he picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito. An aide said that he had eaten dinner alone in his hotel room the night before as the video controversy began to unfold.

There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

Here, Mitt Romney, we made you a picture, because we are liberals and we are pained by your pain. Feel better soon! Stop fucking the dog!

Feel Better, Mitt Romney!
hope you feel better soon pictures

[NYT]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Sad Lurch is sad.

    • mookwrthwilson

      But sad lurch has $250 million to go back to after he loses…which makes me sad…

  • eggsacklywright

    Ahhh, I love the smell of Wonket in the morning!

    • Serolf_Divad

      Seriously, on days like these with their un-ending avalanche of disasters for the Romney team, firing up Wonkette is a bit like waking up to find that last night you went home with someone whose name you remember for a change, and who you've actually been wanting to be with for a long time.

      • eggsacklywright

        Saaayyy, I recognize you from Der Stinque. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.

        • Serolf_Divad

          The pleasure is all mine, I can assure you!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Wait. We can do that? Cuz usually I drink to forget, and succeed.

    • Sacanagem

      That unique bouquet of dick jokes, Hai Karate and regret.

      • Gleem McShineys

        I am also detecting a note of buttsecks, and hmm (swishes, spits) is that leather? Oh and a definite peppery undercurrent of poop jokes!

        Oh god, please tell me that was a wine sample.

        • eggsacklywright

          And, as Clive Coates likes to intone, "A fine grip."

  • PsycWench

    People get unhappy with insufferable hypocrites? Who knew?

  • Pookums

    Awwww, cue the sad trombone.

    http://sadtrombone.com

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Trix used it in the post, Baldar

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Hence my deletion. Please pour some more salt; yeah, right there. Now rub.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I hear monsters lead the most innnnnnnnnnteresting lives….

          • eggsacklywright

            (Blood-curdling scream) "PEOPLE!"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Somehow for me sad kazoos seem more appropriate.

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        So terrible and annoying!
        (I love it.)

  • drstrabismus

    Dum spiro spero!

    • GemlikeFlame

      Dum vivimus vivamus. I gave up hope years ago.

  • forgracie

    The Romney campaign is so dead the Mormon church is baptizing it….

    • Steverino247

      Gonna be hard to top THAT comment today. Well done!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Oh, snap! You win the internets today.

    • elviouslyqueer

      This comment made me so hard that the watermelon in my backyard should be very, very nervous.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Remind me never to have fruit salad at your house.

        • kissawookiee

          Or anything involving what normally would be construed as a mayonnaise-based dressing.

          • BoroPrimorac

            Want some Alioli? Hell nah!

    • fawkedifiknow

      I am going to violate copyright laws by sending this one to my non-Wonkette reading friends.

    • AbandonHope_

      Can I quote you on this? Because this is entirely composed of win.

      • banana_bread

        As long as you don't quote it to me. As I have now seen it already and am on to your game.

    • bobbert

      It's deader than Breitbart.

  • eggsacklywright

    To cheer himself up, he retromormonized some dead Santeria folks.

  • no_gravity

    Mittens haz a sad because he thought this was going to be handed to him like everything else in his life.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "But look at how much money I spent!"

    • eggsacklywright

      Cheney was easy to cheer up in situations like this. All it took was a basket of kittens. Mittz will require a semi-trailer full of Benjamins. His billionaire backers might not be too happy with their return on investment.

      • Nowisallthereis

        And like muffins, all Dicky would do is eat the tops.

    • miss_grundy

      Because he believes he is "entitled" to the office of the Presidency, just like the forty-seven percenters he believes are entitled to….(you guys know the rest)….

    • Terry

      Don't forget his planning to fulfill Joseph Smith's White Horse Prophecy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Horse_Prophecy

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Hm, I wonder why some crackpot group of wingnuts didn't raise an alarm over this the way "OBAMA SEKRIT MUSLIN CONSPIRSEE!" was raised….

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        It's looking more and more like the Osmond Crazy Horses Prophecy:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiNnDpIW918

        In other words, goddamned ugly and eardrum-destroying.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Needs moar Jimmy

        • viennawoods13

          That is just SO wrong.

    • tessiee

      Dumbass was the same way.
      They both look baffled when anybody expects them to say anything or do anything, and both clearly think that the Presidency, like anything else they've decided that they want, is their rightful due.

  • Terry

    Now we see if Karl Rove and the super PACs can save Romney despite himself.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The phrase "pushing rope" leaps to mind.

    • bobbert

      Yeah. I wish this implosion was happening a little closer to the day

  • PsycWench

    "The Dark Night of the Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito", probably not coming to your town anytime soon.

    • miss_grundy

      I wonder, did the breakfast burrito come from MacDonalds? Or did he have his own chef whip it up in the galley kitchen of his campaign jet?????

      • Toomush_Infer

        Or did he have to heat it up in the hotel microwave?…this is truly sad….

    • JohnnyQuick

      Clarification: 47 percenter meat is considered a vegetable by job creators

    • Guppy

      Sounds like an art-house flick that You People wouldn't be able to appreciate.

    • MadBrahms

      Does he only eat the top of the burrito, because the 47% on the bottom is too foreign?

    • sewollef

      "The Dark Night of the Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito", probably not coming to your town anytime soon.

      But I hear it does star Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett.

  • AlterNewt

    T-ball trophy for you, Mitt. Thanks for participating.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Bah, there's nothing afflicting the Romney campaign that can't be swiftly corrected by going on TV and declaring: "I am not a witch."

    Come on, Mitt. Just do it so we can put all this unpleasantness behind us.

    • Terry

      That would actually be better than either of his realistic options, which are: 1. say that you don't really believe that 47% stuff and were just saying it to get money out of those donors, or 2. say that you really believe that 47% of the country including the elderly and the working poor are mooches who suffer from a victim mentality.

      By declaring himself not a witch, he'd totally change the subject and get people debating whether he was nuts or not.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        3. Release his tax returns, but in invisible ink or with a secret decoder ring. A shiny secret decoder ring.

        • Terry

          Better yet, just encrypt them and get people in a race to break the code.

        • tessiee

          4. Release Rapey Eyes Ryan from whatever basement they've got him chained up in, and let him make one of his patented offensive remarks about three seconds afterwards.

    • Guppy

      Except, by dint of being Mormon, the GOP base already believes he's a witch.

      • oenspiek

        It's lovely that the rethugs talked themselves into nominating someone that they themselves can't stand!

  • AlterNewt

    NOW can we get complacent?

    • Serolf_Divad

      No. Now we set our sights on Congress and a 60 vote majority in the Senate.

      • Terry

        Don't forget the House.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        2 months before the election is too goddamned late to start thinking about that!!

      • CindynEncinitas

        That's not going to help until we get rid of those 17 chicken shit Dems.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Nope, those Diebold machines are not going to re-program themselves.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      We need the House back, too.

      • Serolf_Divad

        Yup, and I can't WAIT for the moment (not to far from now) when frightened House GOP members start treating Romney the way a cheating husband treats his ex-mistress after he's been caught and is desperately trying to salvage the remains of his crumbling marriage.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          "Mitt who? George W what?"

        • Terry

          Romney is the GOP's next whore of Babylon. He'll be the evil that caused all the GOP's woes.

          • NellCote71

            It will be an even stranger convention in 2016 when they still won't have any party standard bearers to trot out. Except for the holograms of a very dead Reagan, of course.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Mitt could actually be the first ex-candidate to be booed at the next convention.

          • tessiee

            Only because they didn't have Bush and Cheney at this one.

        • CindynEncinitas

          Baby baby baby baby baby baby please!

    • memzilla

      Keep Schadening that Freude!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      never underestimate the power of citizens united.

    • banana_bread

      CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!

  • eggsacklywright

    Time to flatten and reload those voting machines, stat.

  • Toomush_Infer

    He's just inelegant….

    • shelwood46

      Ryan called him inarticulate. Hmm, he sounded pretty clear to me.

      • bobbert

        Did he call him unclean, too?

  • ChernobylSoup

    There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

    This is so good, Rebecca.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Seconded.

      • NellCote71

        Thirded.

        • Gleem McShineys

          Four..tyseven percent Burrito'ed

    • Toomush_Infer

      This phrase has jumped the snark….

    • CindynEncinitas

      I don't know… Last night my son and I dined on burritos at Filiberto's and there was a tweaker in there playing death metal on the juke box for us and the 2 middle-aged Hispanic men chatting in Spanish. It was pretty tragic watching him lurch around.

  • Boojum

    I feel the schadenfreude, like fire, warming my heart.

  • memzilla

    So… rMoney's campaign has a case of the blahs?

  • slithytoves

    Sad for them, happy for me! See, every cloud has a silver lining.

    • eggsacklywright

      "Ovary clown has a silver lifeboat."

      — John Lennon

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    In low-volume, out-of-the-way conversations, they are now wondering whether victory is still possible and whether they are entering McCain-Palin ticket territory.

    Dudes, you should have had that conversation back in May, man.

    • Terry

      He might be in better shape if he'd actually picked Palin as his running mate. At least she'd be distracting everyone from what Mitt was saying.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Listen, even Paul Ryan said it was "inarticulate," which is precisely what you want your second to say when you gaffe big time.

        • Terry

          Yeah, that has to chap Romney's hide a bit especially given that Ryan believes the 47% crap, too.

      • Serolf_Divad

        Maybe he'll dump Ryan for Jenna Jameson.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'd have to take a second look at the ticket.

          A goood lonnnnnng second look.

          But I'd still vote Obama. While looking at that ticket.

    • bobbert

      So, they're having these conversations in quiet rooms?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Yay, Blingee is back. Poor Mittens, how could he know half the population would not take kindly to being called mooching parasites?

    • anniegetyerfun

      They weren't supposed to find out how he REALLY feels, dammit!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Peggy Noonan can fix it.

    • eggsacklywright

      Eric, son of Eric, is on the case already.

      • Toomush_Infer

        He sounded pretty breathless this morning, yelling "Up the Ante!!!!"…

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          I'm listening to him pant on Morning Edition right now. Cognitive dissonance never sounded so good.

          • Gleem McShineys

            Man I enjoyed that. Yes, Squared Eric, conservaturds SHOULD start owning up to their beliefs in public, for a change!

    • Serolf_Divad

      But will she sigh a lot in feigned disappointment like she does whenever she offers advice on how to fix Obama's imagined problems?

    • Guppy

      There's not enough vodka tonics in the world…

      • natoslug

        Vodka? That's a Gilbert's gin and tonic face, if you ask me.

  • sbj1964

    Mitt,"Why do they always pick on the pretty ones?"Why won't they love me?Poor people are just meanies.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is the sound of the Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Mr. Romney himself seemed pensive on the early-morning flight Tuesday from California to Utah, sitting alone with a white legal pad and a pen as he picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito.

    He should be on suicide watch.

    • Terry

      Do Mormon's have rules about suicide? If he kills himself, he may not get his own planet. Additionally, his wife won't get into heaven as he is solely responsible for her fate in the afterlife.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        If they do, they ain't working
        http://www.lifeafter.org/mormonsuicide.asp

        • HELisforHEL

          "Eleven of those were between the ages of 0-9 years of age."

          Wait, how, what, why…
          Even 9 year olds see through the grifter facade their belief system is based on?

      • tessiee

        "his wife won't get into heaven as he is solely responsible for her fate in the afterlife."

        Like in that really bad movie, "What Dreams May Come".

        • bobbert

          You know, I wanted to like that flick, but man…

          • tessiee

            1) the colors were really pretty
            2) a bird takes a really big shit on Robin Williams

          • viennawoods13

            All I remember is that they had a hell of a nice kitchen.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I'm sure a few of his aides already are.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That would imply some of his aides are passionate about the man and his campaign.

        I wouldn't buy that if it came with whore diamonds. Free whore diamonds. From the whore-diamondiest mine in WhoreDiamondville.

        • Texan_Bulldog

          True. Andrea Saul & Tara Wall have given it valiant efforts but I suspect Kevin Madden is just trying out for a Fox gig in December.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      He regards himself too highly for suicide. Firing a couple dozen people will get him back on his game.

      • HELisforHEL

        You nailed it.

    • Veritas78

      "Stewardess, direct the pilot to crash this plane. No, you can't get out first—it's my plane. Now do as you're told, or I'll dock your pay."

  • elviouslyqueer

    Petard, meet hoist.

    • Terry

      Isn't that the best part? No dirty tricks, just Mitt forced to face up to his own words.

      • anniegetyerfun

        #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

  • StealthMuslin

    I am going to watch this concession speech nude with a fist full of poppers and a goat!

    • Boojum

      Comment of the Day. We might as well all go home.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Wait, so you'll be at Marc Leder's party too?

      • YasserArraFeck

        Hope the goat can swim

  • ChernobylSoup

    Romney's reason for running for President is akin to Edmund Hillary's motivation for climbing that hill, so it's really shouldn't be that big a deal to him that he's sucking so badly.

    • Terry

      Hillary's father decided that Hillary should climb that hill?

  • Barbara_

    I can't wait for Saturday Night Live this week. What day is that show on anyway? Must check TV Guide.

    • SorosBot

      Last night's Daily Show was great, and Ferguson had a good time with Mitt's remarks too, while Letterman had Obama on and the President mocked the shit out of Mitt's remarks. This has been a great gift to comedians.

      • Barbara_

        I watched Ed, Rachel and then Lawrence on MSNBC last night and enjoyed every moment of it. Rachel gave a Wonkette shout out, bonus.

        • SorosBot

          I'm listening to Maddow right now and waiting for that.

        • YasserArraFeck

          Wait – she called us "profane"
          I fucking object to that cocksucking mischaracterization!!!

          • bobbert

            She should have at least gone with "fucking obnoxious".

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Wasn't that cool?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      right? they were beyond prescient last week.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You know, they're doing their special Thursday night episodes again this year.

      • bobbert

        Are you confusing this comedy show with the replacement refs?

  • memzilla

    Every Rethuglican Congressman should be pilloried with commercials that show them as standing firmly behind rMoney and his statements. Forcing them to either deny that they stand with their candidate, or to endorse what rMoney has said.

    • Guppy

      "We don't have to care, we're gerrymandered."

  • Jerri

    Ahem.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah *breathe* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. *picked at a vegetarian burrito!* Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhhahhhahahahahhahahah. Wheew!

    I know there's a long way to go and doing a victory lap before actually winning the thing seems like a great way to jinx it, BUT if I may "live in the moment" for a second, right now this is just about the most gleeful I've ever felt about an election and I'm loving it.

  • docterry6973

    Heart filled with tea? Well that could be my problem right there. Though it is more likely filled with coffee after staying up to the wee hours reading Wonkette snark.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Mine's filled with bile and whiskey. On a permanent basis, really.

  • Schmannnity

    His campaign has jumped the car-mounted dog house.

  • mavenmaven

    I'm waiting for Paul Ryan to turn down the offer of being vice presidential candidate. With a loser at the helm, gotta have a quitter, too.

    • bobbert

      I expect we'll see Paul spending quite a bit of time back in his district, now.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Rafalca is exceedingly quiet.

  • memzilla

    Oh Mittens… this is the worst example of generalship since Pharoah said: "Forward, men, into the temporarily dry sea!"

  • DocChaos

    Ah, jeez, now you made me feel sorry for the guy.

    Just kidding! Taste the dust Money Boo Boo!

  • neiltheblaze

    A vegetarian breakfast burrito?? What kind of elitist ass bullshit is that?! If he were a REAL 'Murikan he'd have BEEF – with extra cheese.

    Pussy.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I thought that, too. Chorizo, man….or at least bacon! No one here would even know what a vegetarian breakfast burrito was.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      And not even cooked beef, but half a raw cow!

    • eggsacklywright

      With a side of Bean-o.

    • Toomush_Infer

      It's 'cause of the mom jeans….

    • comrad_darkness

      I know, cue the wingnut frothing at the mouth over rumors the Clintons were vegetarian.

    • tessiee

      Did Mitzi eat his vegetarian breakfast burrito with a knife and fork, the way he ate the donut?

      • DahBoner

        Chopsticks.

      • neiltheblaze

        Probably. And with an elegant linen napkin draped over his lap.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Embroidered with his initials.

      • bobbert

        He has people to cut up the burrito for him.

  • Mahousu

    Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain and Christine O’Donnell combined

    What's the three-way we'd like least to see, Alex?

    • DocChaos

      Yeah, that's what they said about 2 girls 1 cup.

    • tessiee

      No, that would be the Newt/Rush/Chris Christie lemon party.

      • bobbert

        Curse you for that vision.

        • tessiee

          *knock on door*
          Michael Moore: Somebody order fifty pizzas?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ryan: That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
    Romney: Maybe we could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? Why don't we try that?

    • http://www.sly-3.blogspot.com sly_3

      Looks like the new lieutenant's too good to eat with the rest of us grunts.

    • bobbert

      Fuck it, let's go bowling.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Too late, they cut the power.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyX

    Late at night after Ann's asleep, when the demons of self-doubt would drown out any last shred of restraint or resolve: Mitt's negotiations with himself break down and he skulks to the basement to clandestinely chug a can of Mister Pibb and scarf down a half a bag of Nestle® morsels.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Wait, doesn't that Pibb stuff have caffeine in it?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ MumbletyX

        Rmoney Boo Boo Burp-Burp knows, but won't say, the answer to your question.

      • Guppy

        Perhaps, but at least it's not that vile, atheist Dr. Pepper!

    • tessiee

      "skulks to the basement to clandestinely chug a can of Mister Pibb"

      As long as it wasn't Dr. Pepper.
      THOSE guys are anti-Christian, you know!
      Oh, wait…

  • Steverino247

    Look at the bright side: Mitt Romney is the best candidate the Republicans could put forward for President.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You think Chris Christie is putting down the donut and laughing a little each morning, marveling at his luck? Cuz I do. He still has four years to lose weight

      • bobbert

        And we have four years to hope for a massive cardio-vote-acular event.

    • qwerty42

      Look at the bright side: Mitt Romney is the best candidate the Republicans could put forward for President.
      True. The primaries were an all-clown circus. Cripes, when Barry and Hillz went at it, it was tough, and you felt Barry came away better and stronger for it. The circus this year just highlighted how crazy the Republicans have become. Romney became the least-disliked candidate left.

      • tessiee

        I agree that he was the least disliked candidate, but that was relative to Newt and Frothy — and even so, I get the feeling that the other Republicans don't like him much.

      • HELisforHEL

        Watching the majority of that clown car raise their hands when asked if they believed that Evolution was merely a theory, and therefore not valid (I forget how the question was framed) should have sent shockwaves to anyone with a functioning brain. The idea that that crew was the best they could assemble would be laughable on Smart World, where we clearly do not live.

        We have to remain vigilant, there are still too many stupids and olds who will vote R. So you youngins' out there– please do not get complacent and think you don't have to put down the roach and that bag of Cheetos for 20 minutes and go vote.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    One of my own personal definitions of "funny" is "when bad shit happens to people I don't like."

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  • Harrison Wintergreen

    Well past McCain/Palin territory and lurching* into McGovern/Eagleton Shriver territory.

    *see what I did there?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Waiting for Mittens' sad when he finds out that his Cayman Islands accounts were credited in Zimbabwe dollars.

    • Barbara_

      The avatar is awesome!

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Thanks Barb and top of the mornin' to ya.

  • smashedinhat

    You have to admit, this has been pretty a spectacular fail. But I know team Mittens will rise from the ashes to fail again. Pleasepleaseplease!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Oh, yeah, we still got a few weeks before the election. Plenty of time for Mittens to screw up again.

  • grace_nearing

    I don't know. Think the Viet GOP brainwashed Romney about the 47 percenters?

  • cassamandra

    Did you call Niall Ferguson? He's really perplexed that Obama's leading in the polls. He thinks it's probably because folks lie to pollsters.

  • SorosBot

    Something in the air makes it seem like 1964…

    • sbj1964

      Pardon me that one just slipped.I'll light a match.

    • arihaya

      well yeah, the voter id laws kinda make it like it is 1964

  • arihaya

    May be Mitt hired his campaign staff like he hired for his company.

    Minimum wage, no welfare, no paid leave, non unionized campaign staff AND he expected them to do the job well. Good luck with that suckers.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      This is what happens when you outsource your speechwriting to Bangalore.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Oh Mittens, you thought that your destiny was to complete what Daddy couldn't do and become the first mormoni preznit… creating a dynasty for the ages (I'm guessing a thousand years–a common theme among wingnuts for some reason.) Instead you've become the worst candidate since another Masshole put a tank helmet on his head.

  • BeefHardcake

    The schadenfreude… tastes like snozzberries!

  • Limeylizzie

    Why doesn't the campaign use their secret weapon, Cunty Ann Romney, she is one of the people , she will feel their pain .
    http://www.mediaite.com/tv/ann-romney-on-47-comme

    • elviouslyqueer

      Asked about the gender gap contributing to a tight race, particularly in swing states like Colorado, Ann Romney replied that Romney does not need to be President. She said that Mitt Romney is running because he thinks he can help people, particularly women. “This is a guy who doesn’t need to do this for a job,” she said.

      Mission accomplished, Ann. Mission. Accomplished.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "What you people don't understand is that Mitt is trying to do you a favor! Mitt could live a thousand years and never have to earn another dime. He bothers with you because he cares!"

      • Limeylizzie

        I really dislike this woman, I know she has MS, but she would have to be crippled and in a wheelchair for me to have any sympathy for her, plus she needs some gays to do her hair/make-up and wardrobe.

        • tessiee

          Anybody who doesn't like or agree with Ann Romney for any reason, or refers to her with anything other than fawning praise, is attacking all disabled people everywhere.
          You know, like it was with He Who Shall not be Named.

          • HELisforHEL

            The difference being that at one time, Voldemort was a sympathetic character.

          • tessiee

            I meant that campaign prop babby that what's her name used to schlep everywhere with her.

          • Limeylizzie

            I used to have the epilepsy as a child, so I can hate on the disabled no prob!

    • 415buzzard

      My husband tells me that in England "cunt" is not really such a bad name? Somehow I think it fits Ann Romney pretty well though. I gave her the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of this thing, but each time she opens her mouth I start to hate on her a little more….

      • Biff

        It's a far more fitting epithet for Mrs. Mittens than "fanny", which also does not mean what we think it means, in USAmerica.

      • Limeylizzie

        It's still bad but it is used so much that we sort of accept it.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Like twat?

          • viennawoods13

            A (female, straight) student of mine just used "twatmuncher" as a password on a site we use. I think I need to have a chat with her. Maybe she doesn't know I can see the passwords.

  • SorosBot

    Sometimes it does seem like Mitt's campaign does seem to be shaping up as the electoral equivalent of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.

  • superdave

    Awww, poor Mitt. I know what will cheer him up. Rent a house in the Hamptons, hire a gaggle of leggy Russian models and go full Bunga Bunga! Well, I know that would cheer me up.

  • Yellerdawg

    I don't know if it was purposeful or not, but giving free reign to the birthers, freepers and other assorted crazies for the last four years has certainly inoculated the public against the noise machine. If I were a strategist, I would be running to take credit for letting the crackpot talking heads scream themselves silly in the right wing echo chamber until everyone outside of it decided they were nuts. As a matter of fact, I do hereby take credit for it. Pay me.

  • e_z

    "What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! " – Senator Blutarsky

    Fire up the Death Mobile, I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part and Mitt's boyz are just the one's to do it..

    • tessiee

      Mitt's Bluto in his dreams.
      If he's anyone, he's Greg Marmalard, and Ryan is Neidermeyer.

  • Eve8Apples

    "There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone."

    If he was Latino, he would enjoy his burrito much more.

    • DahBoner

      Le pica.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Every three days there's an , "Is this Romney's election losing gaffe?" headline.

    • tessiee

      I have to hope that sooner or later, he's going to use up the last bit of his luck.

      • bobbert

        The President is still black, so Money Badger's luck will never run completely out.

        • DahBoner

          Next he'll tell us how "Green" he is, because money is green…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

    this is just like that one time when our ambassador got assassinated in libya and also when ralfaca lost the olympics.

  • RadioX

    Hey Mitt, how are those quiet rooms working out for you?

    • Guppy

      Too quiet…

    • Biff

      Too bad all the quiet rooms don't have a sekrit iPhone…

  • azeyote

    i want to see him – fuck the dog – hey i might even vote for him if the dog was on top. of the ticket i mean

  • CalvinsChoice

    Would a real republican eat a vegetarian burrito? Would Herman Cain? Newt? Think about it.

    • DahBoner

      No. W only eats soufles.

      • Biff

        And pretzels.

        • DahBoner

          Pretzels were good enuff for Hitler!!!

    • tessiee

      Herman Cain has virtually no taste buds left after years of eating shitty pizza, and one look at Newt tells you he eats anything.

  • cheetojeebus

    Folks, We're witnessing history in the making here. 10 years from now, they'll look back and say, " Holy Fuck! We dodged a fuckin bullet! "

    • tessiee

      The odd thing about that is that the country AND Mitt will say it.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    The problem is that unlike all of us victims, Mitt has never been held down by multiple bullies and had his hair forcibly cut off. You bounce back from that in fighting trim.

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    It's all good, wait 'til you see what happens to the Rmoney campaign in its afterlife … hint: it gets its own planet.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    It's sad really, his upbringing never prepared him for real life. It's like a chimpanzee raised in captivity all it's life, suddenly being released into the wild to fend for itself. One day it walks into a clearing to greet a human being and it turns out to be a bush-meat hunter. I believe these animals are referred to as "Naives".

  • cromiller

    I expect we'll be seeing an uptick in ad spend for a certain Wisconsin rep's reelection campaign shortly.

    • Veritas78

      And won't that be an awkward moment at Campaign HQ: "But we need you to campaign in North Carolina and Ohio this week. You campaigned in Janesville last week, and the week before that."

  • Beetagger

    They should write the tell-all post-campaign book now just to give them something positive to focus on.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    The Obama Opponent Self-Destruction Field strikes again. It is uncanny. Must be that Kenyan Mao Mao Voodoo.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Lorne Michaels is beside himself with glee right now.

  • Beanball

    This guy is screwing up so badly that even the fascist commenters on that foul cesspool of the Intertoobz, the notorious 4chan/pol/, are hanging their heads in pre-defeat.

  • Misty Malarky

    This is almost as depressing as the ending to A BOY NAMED CHARLIE BROWN.

    • http://www.sly-3.blogspot.com sly_3

      makes the end of "shane" seem like a marx bros. comedic romp.

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    Hi Mitt, here's how America feels about you:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxMafF6mj1E

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I hope he booked Crash and the Boys for his election evening gathering.

  • FajitaFriday

    Goddamn! You people are hysterical! Thanks for the giggles!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    One Republican frustrated Republican consultant said in one of the articles I read recently that "the Democrats are running Jimmy Carter and the Republicans are running Thomas Dewey".

    Actually, the Dems are running Obama. The Republicans are running Charles Montgomery Burns.

  • SaintRond

    Are those hurry home drops in his eyes?

    Poor thing.

  • ttommyunger

    Barb and I have been enjoying a tweet-off on this subject: I suggested that Mitt's Olympic expertise has been shining through, especially in the Marksmanship Arena: shooting oneself in the foot. And Gymnastics: stuffing one's own feet in one's mouth. She replied that this is a "Slalom" Occasion in that he is certainly going downhill according to the "poles". She also mentioned "Diving" as a possibility and I suggested Running in any of the Races was probably not a winning proposition for him this time. We are continuing to "Wrestle" with this theme, but my quiver is empty.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You guys are having a snark rendezvous away from the Wonkette?! I feel like a scorned wife!

      • ttommyunger

        Barb is well-known as a slut, and a tall one at that. Me, I'm just easy.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Unchivalrous.

          • ttommyunger

            Totally!

    • tessiee

      I think that if Mitt were proficient at "diving", Ann woudn't have such a pissy expression on her face all the time.

      • ttommyunger

        A most unlikely suggestion.

        • tessiee

          He probably eats that with a knife and fork, too — smirking that smirk and doing that self-conscious "heh heh" chuckle the entire time.

          • ttommyunger

            Shirley, you jest (you don't mind if I call you Shirley?). I firmly believe he considers pussy “unclean”.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • Abernathy

    "one bed-shitting after another"

    Seamus's revenge!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito = pulled at his limp dick

  • YasserArraFeck

    Don't look in your rear view Mitt – that brown stuff drooling down the window is what's left of your presidential aspirations. What a Seamus….

    • tessiee

      Wouldn't it be funny if the brown stuff was santorum?

  • christianmuslin

    Mittens is the best possible Republican candidate. What more needs to be said?

    • DahBoner

      Like picking which dog turd is the BESTEST…

  • DahBoner

    well practiced at the art of lurching

    YOU RANG???

  • comrad_darkness

    I'm not an optimist so all this makes me very nervous.

    • HELisforHEL

      I agree. I worry about people deciding there's no need to get to the polls come 11/06.

      Unless, of course, I'm discussing the fools who will still vote for Mittens.

  • owhatever

    "I didn't mean what I was recorded saying" is getting a bit lame, Mitt. Please continue.

  • Weenus299

    It's nothing Mittens can't nervous-laugh off at the next presser.

    • oenspiek

      That endearing rMoney smirk! That'll turn the trick for him! It's irresistible!

  • Dildeaux

    Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito?

    Intervention! STAT!

    And its fucking Costa Mesa! Of course he is cursing.

  • tessiee

    "Vegetarian Burrito" is the new "tank moment".

    • oenspiek

      Was this Vegetarian Burrito business for realz? Aren't Repubs supposed to eat only meat, with an occasional spud? If true, it's liable to tick off his base.

      • HELisforHEL

        Nah, they still have that corporate tool boastful loud-talker, biceps-curls-only workout asshole contingent in their corner, the ones trying to stay in some form of fighting trim for the office tag-football game, so they can bag the ditzy blonde in HR.
        You know, all the duuuudes just like Paul Ryan.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Remember that "The Base" never really liked Mittens anyway. The wuss speaks French, fer Gawd's sake.

  • rickmaci

    Before we all start doing a happy dance on the sidelines, keep in mind we have 7 weeks to play and the Dems have a peculiar penchant for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Focus people focus.

  • duh_du

    Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone.

    Today, we are all Mitt Romney.

  • DahBoner

    sitting alone with a white legal pad

    Only Romney knows the peril of using yellow legal pads…

  • kingcocrazy

    Please let me know when his political grave has officially been dug. I want to first in line to piss on it.

  • VeraSevera

    Mitten's we've seen you with the mittens off and it ain't pretty.

  • Living in Joy

    I think the vegetarian burrito is a play for the Hispanic Organic (or vicey versy) vote. Let's face it. He could have had Cheerios, but no, he went THERE.

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    I wonder what the October Surprise will be?

  • Biff

    I am really looking forward to October, I can't wait to see what "surprise" awaits us from these wacky kids!

  • Rayn_And

    Maybe this thing works like college…He can just ask his dad for a loa…ummm….votes.

  • Calapine

    Well, you had your first black president, time for the first Emo President!

  • CindynEncinitas

    Thanks for the Blingee, Commie Girl!

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    I'll be knockin' the taco jockeys off the rich people's lawns. And before they wake up,… Mitt will be gone!

    • DahBoner

      Ay! Que paso con El Taco Jockey??

  • snarkelle

    Oh no he shat in his magic underpants.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    This week I often get confused on whether I'm watching a presidential campaign, or a sequel to Trading Places.

  • mustangsavvy

    "An aide said that he had eaten dinner alone in his hotel room the night before as the video controversy began to unfold."

    ……wondering, as he stared forlornly out the window….trying to drown out Wolf Blitzer's incessant bleating, why oh why he didn't just let Ann do all the talking?

    =(

  • Kwachie

    I hope he doesn't cry. When Republican men cry I get an overwhelming urge to put on pointy-toed shoes, kick them really hard in the nuts and punch their tear-streaked booger-nosed quivery lipped faces over and over again with my tiny little balled up fists.

  • L_Daddy

    Vegetarian Breakfast Burrito makes him even sadder that he wasn't born Latino.

  • usuhname

    Schadenfreude has never felt so good – at least partly because millions of people are less likely to suffer under his tyrannical brand of plutocratic idiocy. Also, because he's a jerk.